Nacho Donut commits a nacho cheese transgression on Tiger Woods.

“Angst!  Angst!”
- C.

Yesterday after heading home an hour early from work (sick + tired + nausea + cramps + no lunch break + 2-3 hour long meeting = blech) I recovered enough to, or rather the drugs kicked in and I was able to, cook.  I put in one of my new movies and got to work marinating steak (to be used tonight) and then whipping up a spinach quiche…

…sort of.

See, I got all the cream cheese, egg, and spinach into the crust (which I bought at the store, not trusting myself – rightly it turns out – to make pastry) and popped it in the oven.  But then two minutes later, glancing through the recipe to see how long it should cook, I realized I’d forgotten the parmesan cheese!   Quick as you’d like, I dragged it out and mixed in the parmesan and tossed it back into the furnace. 

Then I realized that if I had forgotten the parmesan, I might have forgotten the cheddar as well…and I had.  Back to the oven, quick quick!  The crust was turning a lovely golden color by this time, and I couldn’t have been more ticked at it for looking yummy when I’d apparently left out half the ingredients. 

"Did you remember the onions, my dear?" "GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Now, now, there's no need to fret."

And THEN, after I put it back in the oven, I banged my head (metaphorically) against the counter when I saw the green onions sitting in smug little rows on the other cutting board, taunting me with their not-in-the-quiche-ness. 

Finally I got everything mixed in (at various stages of baking) but THEN I forgot about it after I collapsed on the sofa in defeat.  All in all, the crust has come out a fearsome black…but the inside still tastes pretty good.

Pie charts are circular charts divided into segments which represent percentage. They are most commonly used to visually illustrate statistics of any kind. You can find them anywhere on the internet and lately it seems as though people have found a way to make them funny. So because of their popularity, we collected the 10 funniest pie charts on the web, and here they are:

1. Well this first pie chart is quite clear.

2. I, on the other hand, am too sexy for this blog.

3. You just got Rick Pie-Charted!

4. I don’t think he did, did he?

5. As real as it gets.

6. Afro is back in style.

7. The resemblance is uncanny.

8. Who would have thought.

9. Capiche?

10. I pity the fool!

THIS PARTICULAR ARTICLE IS NOT MEANT TO DEGRADE ANY INSTITUTION, ORGANIZATION, BODY OR GOVERNMENT, BUT SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF ENTERTAINMENT.

Hyderabad. “Have you ever had a bl** j*b in public?” was the question that popped up on his computer screen when Ankit Agarwal was taking CAT 2009 online at the Hyderabad Business School center here. A shocked and upset Ankit looked around to find equally dumbfounded faces of fellow test takers at the center. A few minutes passed when all of them realized that CAT servers had been hacked.

“I found all the students straining their eyes and looking around with puzzling looks at each other, and I sensed that something was wrong. But I still answered the BJ question by choosing the option (b), which was in affirmative, assuming IIMs wanted to test us on some abstruse parameter, the next thing on screen was a middle finger, telling me I was a loser. I immediately knew that the servers were hacked.” Ankit recounted his harrowing experience.

Several centers around the country reported the same problem with the students asked absolutely ridiculous and offensive questions such as “have you ever slept with a transvestite?” and “will you mop up the poop of pet dog of your boss to get promotion?”, all of them ending with a middle finger on the screen when students cared to choose an available option. It was the first day of online CAT for admission to the six IIMs and many other well known and lesser known MBA institutes. online, exam, test

“IIMs are known to change the pattern of CAT quite often, therefore many students thought that maybe these questions had some hidden meanings. But we felt like losers once that middle finger appeared on the screen. I talked to many of my friends and all of them feel the same. The questions appeared to have been taken straight out of a show of Sach Ka Saamna.” Chetan Pandit, another CAT test taker shared his experience.

IIMs have called for an emergency meeting this evening to discuss the problem and to nail down the hacker, but the event has already caused huge embarrassment to them. Many students, who otherwise had bunked the online CAT to see movies, were seen demonstrating in front of the centers asking IIMs to go back to paper-and-pen tests. Thackeray guys too joined the protests and broke computers as a symbol of protest.

This unfortunate incident has also caused many test conducting agencies and internet security agencies to pitch for their services to IIMs and ask them to outsource CAT to them. These agencies have also approached Ministry of Human Resource Development with what they termed as ‘lucrative’ proposals.

Meanwhile the students are fuming over the possibility that they will have to take the test again, which is often touted as their ticket to a better life. Most of the students believe, and more importantly want their parents to believe, that they were performing exceptionally well at the test before the hackers struck and denied them an opportunity to change their lives.

Last week, Method debuted a new web commercial that’s got everyone up in arms. Excuse me while I yawn.

You know how this story ends, right? A few “special interest groups” raised a fuss. Threw out some inflamatory words like “sexist” and “condoning rape”. And Method took the video down. Of course the dialogue has gone downhill from there. Just read the comments on the AdAge article about the controversy.

I guess with the way political discourse is in this country – blatant falsehoods to scare people into your point of view (death panels, etc.), the ridiculous “rape-condoning” accusations were bound to happen.

Do I like the commercial? Not really. It leaves me feeling pretty skeeved out – not a feeling you’d want a viewer to associate with Method. The concept was there – that these ugly chemical bubbles are nasty stuff that you don’t want in your shower. Method just went too far with the joke. Does the commercial condone any kind of “rape culture”? Come on. Get real. Saying this condones rape culture is like saying golf condones Tiger Wood’s adultery.

Method shouldn’t have caved to the reactionaries. It only emboldens them to go farther, scream louder and be more ridiculous next time.

I WILL WRITE ABOUT MY MOVIE WHEN I HAVE TIME TO START IT UP AGAIN.

But tomorrow morning, or since its almost 2AM, this morning, I’ll set out to find my lost disc from a game of disc golf I played this last Monday. It’s in the creek by the metal bridge, by the 5^th hole at the St. Mary’s disc golf course.  I tried looking for it after wading through the creek with my pant legs rolled up, but couldn’t handle how freezing cold the water was.  It was a debilitating kind of cold.  Now I get how Jack felt trying to stay afloat after the Titanic sunk.  That water smells like some rude form of garbage.

Or something like that…..

Soulpancake.com was a site shown to me by a friend.  It’s Rainn Wilson’s site and after looking over it, it is pretty interesting.  Check it!

I wrote earlier in the week about a pair of waders, and that’s what I’ll be walking thought the water with.  Bare feet and rolled up jeans, just aren’t that warm in December if you have to walk through water – at 8AM.

Last spring when a lot of my friends graduated, there was one in particular who I was closer to, but nothing happened because there was so much happening with graduation, friends moving away, and that giant question mark known as the job world.  There was too much happening to start anything and while I said I understood her decision to do what she needed to, I really didn’t until today.  After walking back from the library it hit me.

It was an indescribable thought, or mood, or whatever you call it.  It felt like being pulled in all different directions with a million things passing through my head.  It was some form of stir-crazy or uneasiness like I had to keep moving forward, but I didn’t know which way to go first.  It felt like if I stood in one place for too long that I immediately had to get moving like I might miss something.

It feels awful, but not sickening.

I’m graduating in a week (it’s looking good so far) and all day, almost everyday since mid November that weird sense has been creeping up.

Again, it feels awful.  It’s just a whole heap of uncertainty, I think.

ps.

I thought I might not be able to graduate if I didn’t pass one of my classes this semester, but as it turns out, I read the DARS report wrong and Instead of maybe not graduating with 127 credits (instead of the required 128), I’ll be graduating with 144 if I pass my remaining classes.  And then I kind of felt like a moron for taking an extra semester of college when I didn’t altogether need it.

Truth be told, I needed it for my studio art minor.

You’re being unreasonable.

In the December 2009 addition of The Rooster, titled “The Bestest of Boulder” (I can already tell this is going to be an unintelligent waste of my time to read farther than the front cover, considering ‘bestest’ isn’t even a real word), the editors talked about “The Best Reason Rooster’s Editors Had to Attend Church.”

The Reason? “Holy water heals the hangover better than Gatorade.”

I’m just going to say this; if you walk into any old church and start drinking the holy water out of your cupped hands (or in this case a red party cup is probably more likely), I’m pretty sure someone will get right up out of their seat and steer you clear to the door. Maybe it will even be the priest himself. And then he’ll pray for your sorry lost soul.

Moving on in the article…we find a paragraph that reads:

“Do we consider Rooster a holy and sacred publication that should be handled delicately and not tossed on the bathroom floor-absolutely. Are the editors saints in their own right-without a doubt. Do we pray at company happy hour-you bet your ass we do-but usually the whisky bottle never replenishes itself. As for going to church, we leave that for the mornings when the sins from the night before pile up to an insurmountable level that requires the Big Man himself.”

Actually, the rooster is a ridiculous waste of space publication that should be tossed onto the bathroom floor immediately. Or just right into the toilet works, too…and don’t forget to do your business right on top of it before flushing it down. The editors aren’t saints, they are people who never grew up from college- or probably even high school- that have nothing better to do than sit around all day writing pointless articles about drinking and sex, and interviewing college students that ended up in detox their first week of college (yes, a true story). And maybe you should start praying for something other than your whiskey bottle to be refilled. Perhaps you could direct your prayers more towards oh, I don’t know, getting a REAL job? One last thought- if you know the simplest thing about religion at all, you should know that God isn’t meant to be used as a Get-out-of-jail-free pass. He’s not just going to absolve you of those sins “piled up to an insurmountable level;” he will probably just sit up in the sky and laugh at you, then move on to someone who actually cares about their life.

Am I mistaken, or did I come to college to further my education and learn a bit about myself? I guess the people who read the Rooster- and the ones who write it- do not have those motives in mind. All they care about is where their next hookup is going to come from, and the next time they can get drunk in order to mask the depression of their boring lives that really only consist of two things. As for me, I think I’ll get a new hobby.

I wonder if the CEO of Spirit Airlines had been in an accident due to speeding away from the wife he cheated on would he have approved an ad like this about himself?

Ok Spirit, you got your 15 minutes of outrage over this. And guess what? I’ll never fly your tasteless airline again because of it. I wouldn’t trust any company to bring me down safely from 30,000 feet that has such poor judgement as to think this is funny, entertaining or even effective.

Maybe one day when you grow up, you can run a real airline with real advertising.

Via.

If people start showing up in theatres wearing Snuggies that’s it. I will officially bow out from society and move into the middle of nowhere and live in a camper.

The ridiculous is Janus-faced. Now, if it is ridiculous when a socially-awkward person tries to go clubbing or partying, then why isn’t it when a overly-socialized person tries to speak or write?

The rebel is a figure of ridiculous sublimity. He exists to rebel against a society that he himself admits does not really exist.

Saw this in a store last night. You can’t make this stuff up.

You can get your copy at Amazon. But don’t.

(oooh, who’s a tough wittle Cwistian soldier then?)

A while back I blogged about some religious friends using their FB statuses to preach and pray, the only two reasons I can think of being to a) foister their religious beliefs onto people who don’t share them, and b) look good amongst their religious friends.

Since then, I did mention this curiousity on my FB profile, explained my confusion and even pulled out old Matthew 6:5 – and invited those who do these things to perhaps give a better explanation that doesn’t paint them as intentionally offensive, ignorantly hypocritical douchebags – I was fully willing to admit there may be another reason which I could not think of.

I received only one obtuse response to this from a Christian friend, which led me to reason c) they really believe that everyone appreciates those updates, which shows either 1) their religious bubble of ignorance, 2) the lack of unbeliever friends in their lives, which is pretty ironic considering what Jesus was ‘all about’, or both.

I’m pretty sure plenty of those who do enjoy plastering their walls with religious rhetoric did see my question but didn’t want to ‘lower’ themselves to ‘arguing with someone who doesn’t know better and won’t understand anyway’ and ‘the Bible says to turn the other cheek’ and we all know how persecution is a precious and coveted sign that you’re too scared to think for yourself and all your opinions are probably regurgitated from last Sunday’s service a good Christian.

Ironically this is not something I only observed since becoming an atheist, but something that bothered me even as a Christian – and I know that it is seen as being just as hypocritical by other believers. Which is why some of my religious friends will be embarassed reading some of the stunning examples on STFU, Believers, but I am relieved to see at least, that I am not imagining being subjected to this trollop daily.

As far as FB goes, I’ve asked my question, I’ve been given my answer and I’ll have to make do with those reasons as they stand, ignoble as they are.

Mrs. Claus cheating on Santa with a snowman and then killing Frosty with a hair dryer. Somehow this is supposed to sell cell phones.

Ok, admittedly, Boost Mobile is targeted at a younger crowd who would probably find this funny. And Mrs. Claus does a good job of getting straight to the selling points and giving you an actual reason to go with Boost over other carriers. But how many times are we going to see the Rankin/Bass stop-motion animation rip-offs before we get tired of them? Verizon has one out that’s actually good.

Side note: I viewed this spot for a second time while in the middle of writing this post and my wife (who’s not in advertising) looked over and said “What did that have to do with cell phones?” Bingo.

Via.

Oh for fuck’s sake. These people make it just too easy for me. The Dumb and Dumber team of Doyle and Devoe are at it again with another terrible, terrible ad. I’ve posted about them before and I even responded to a ridiculous comment from someone who obviously either made the ad or is part of the D & D team.

Well, now they’ve got this gem of an ad, just in time for winter. I’ll give them some credit – it’s not full of embarrassing costumes or tired, worthless clichés. But what exactly is it full of?

“With us, you know where you’re headed!” What is that saying exactly – because the art direction shows that you’re headed downhill. Possibly into a tree. If I’m selling a house, the last place I want my Realtor taking me is down.

Via.

I love beer. Beer loves me. I can prove it: I get happier when I drink beer, and I had just enough money left to buy two cans of Keith’s. I am a little tipsy, Because I haven’t eaten much today, and I haven’t been drinking much lately. There you have it folks, now go fuck yourselves.

The other day while looking at Z’s blog (which you should be reading too; he’s swell), I came across a post talking about Stand for Christmas. Here’s a bit of info from the StandforChristmas.com:

In response to the secularization of Christmas and the trend of censoring public references to this time-honored holiday, Focus on the Family and Focus on the Family Action began to speak out on the issue in 2007...In recent years, Focus on the Family has evaluated the advertising of major retailers and assigned ratings based on their level of ”Christmas-friendliness.” We provided these ratings in an annual shopping guide. The response from consumers – and media outlets – has been remarkable.

This year, we’re excited to present a Christmas campaign with a twist!

We’re placing shoppers in the driver’s seat. Through this site, customers can provide feedback directly to retailers and share their experiences with fellow shoppers! [emphasis mine]

Okay, seriously, who thinks this is actually a good idea?

I don’t want to come across as throwing fellow Christians under the bus, but seriously, this is silly.

I’m sure we can all agree that we live in a ridiculously P.C. culture where being as inoffensive and inclusive as possible are our highest virtues; but I also know I’ve never met anyone ever who has been offended by using the term “Merry Christmas.” Likewise, I’ve never seen someone lose their mind because someone said “Happy Holidays.”

I suspect that most people don’t really care that much either way.

Something I frequently need to remind myself is that I can’t expect my non-Christian friends, family and neighbors to hold the same convictions as I do; it’s silly to think that they should. And the fact is, for the majority of people (including many of us who profess to be Christians), Christmas is not about Jesus. It’s about stuff.

But if you want people care Christ in relation to Christmas, the way to do it is not by boycotting stores.

Perhaps a better way would be by taking opportunities to share the gospel, as well as be a bit more considerate toward the overworked and underpaid staff of the stores we frequent.

We can learn our barista’s name at Starbucks and not be in a panicked hurry to get in and out of a store as quickly as possible.

And maybe we can even say, “Merry Christmas” like we really mean it.

Just a thought. Am I out to lunch?

Starting back up on the movie would be ideal this week, however, those teachers of mine all thought it would be a great idea to assign a whole junk-load of work and make it all due on the same few days.  Needless to say, the quality of work I turn in in these classes will be a lower quality (maybe) than if the teachers did what I would do, and assign the stuff gradually, and not when everyone else hands it out.

If I somehow don’t pass and am forced to stay here to complete the failed course, I might just start a car on-fire.  Actually, I’m all talk, I’d just mope around a while.

I have been coming up with different ideas for new projects beyond Grizzly Skag Bear.  Since every company doesn’t seem to know what to do with all the vacant jobs they have that need to be filled, I’ll probably consume myself with bringing those projects to life.

I’d list off a few, if you care to ask.

Anyone have a pair of waders I can borrow for an hour?

Assalamualaikum.

A self-humiliating couple on Facebook.

Like disgustingly eat-this-puke-of-mine self-humiliating.

関係ないの私としても。

The chick’s being the weak, useless, i-am-nothing-without-you hanging on the guy’s equally weak, useless i-am-nothing-without-you soul.

You’re not even a sparkling gay fairy to begin with.

Does that not sound torturing?

めっちゃ苦しませるもんだぜ。

更に、数は増加するばかりである。

自分のこと知ってるわけ。

You manwhore.

Yes, just because your ex-other half was not as smart as you she has the hearts and feelings of a thousand woman.

と、何千人の努力の私, if ever.

And you dare said that to her?

You’re an arse.

。。。

マジ?

やきもち?

Moi?

No. Nonononono. No.

Wanna know what kind of couple i’d be uber-jealous of?

Iqa Nab と 彼氏。

Like man, the dude can awesomely rock the electric guitar, fo shizz.

(I am not a stalker, it just so happens that the video popped up on my Facebook feed. Sorry. Your man’s awesome though)

And knowing very tiny bits of her, i can almost know that she would find a guy(or the other way around) who knows better than to ooze gooey cheese all over the damn place.

Sometimes we don’t even realise it’s the actual cheese.

あんたと全く違う。

Woman-degrading, self-degrading manwhore.

Tiny things pisses me off thus triggering the unwanted PMS.

Before you say anything about this particular discussion, I’m not intending to disrespect my own language, which is of course Bahasa Indonesia. I myself think Bahasa Indonesia is a quite a cool language in my own ears.

However, if I recollect my memories of childhood when I’m still in my early elementary and middle school studying this subject, I got to say that there are some subjects that I deem to be useless in my daily life. If I’m not mistaken, the purpose of learning Bahasa Indonesia is to enlighten youngster to use the correct Bahasa Indonesia in their daily life either formal or informal.

But it seems there are some information that are not very helping in the learning process of Bahasa Indonesia (Well, at least for me). Here are the top 10 subjects to be useless for me to study:

1. Homonym, Homophone, & Homograph

This the most subject that I think is worthless to be thought. In this subject you have to distinguish two words whether they are similar in linguistic pronunciation or spelling scheme.  Remember how the teacher gave you an example of a Homophone sentence and you give the answer “Bang Budi pergi ke bank”? That’s what I’m talking about. And what is the use of knowing these? Nothing as far as I know and you are completely oblivious to it.

2. Ethics in Telephone

I remember this being the most intrusive learning in my private life. What is their business telling us how to make a phone call? And they told me not to fling my arms during the phone call nor point the air since it is not necessary? Hey guess what? Nobody cares and nobody sees me so I’ll do whatever with my phone. Next time they will teach us to use appropriate attire to receive a call.

3. How to be a News Reporter

Ah, the lecture about news and to do the drama of a news reporter. They taught me that to be a news reporter you have to be succinct and without tone. Intonation is important as to deliver without emotion to avoid bias view. Well, I guess that teaching is not applicative anymore as more and more news channel abandon the out of style news delivery by the national TV broadcast, TVRI.

4. The meaning of supplement words in a word

Bahasa Indonesia as you know it has a lot of supplement words such as “melakukan”, which derived from the noun word “Laku” or in English, “Act”. The “me-” and “-kan” supplement words attach to the root word change the meaning of the word to a verb, “To do”. I appreciate the information about this but must we examine every word and its root word one at a time? Unless you are aiming for Literature degree, then this information is basically meaningless as long as you understand how to use these words in a sentence.

5. Types of Paragraph

Another thing you have to do to master Bahasa Indonesia is to identify the paragraph that you are reading. You are asked paragraph per paragraph whether it is an opinion or a fact. The thing is that when it reaches a paragraph about religion, God, or evolution, you will get confuse to distinguish these out of context paragraphs. I remember that I wrote “opinion” to the the origin of mankind which is described by God created the humans. I was wrong and my teacher said that that it is a fact as it came out of a bible. Duh.

6. Themes of Poem

Again the ability to distinguish certain literature, which in this case a poem. Guys, poem is abstract and it can be about anything. Granted that the poems in Indonesia (or at least that are taught in school) are pretty obvious. But what about those poem which is to me a plain gibberish such as “Puisi Beling”? Are there any point to that poem anyway? And isn’t it depends on the listener to grasp the meaning of the poem itself? If one say differently about the theme of poem, he will be considered at false an incomprehensible to understand poem? Ridiculous!

7. Idiom

This is another pointless lecture that I never utilize it in my daily conversation. Not that I don’t want to, but Indonesian’s idiom is just to weird to be included in the conversation. Unlike English idioms such as “water under the bridge” or “pulling my leg” which a normal style of language, Indonesian idioms date back to the prehistoric speaking. They used “bagai” or “bagaikan” which a language deserved for the royalty and all the cheesy monarch conversation (Watch Angling Darma and you’ll get what I mean). Bottom line is, it is just not fitting to include idiomatic in our daily conversation. Not even in the office.

8. The A.B.A.B Poetry

Next stop is the short poetry or people in my country call them “Pantun”. It’s a very fascinating literature and it’s kinda funny when you make one. However, I disagree on the task that force you to make an AB AB rhyme in the short poetry. And you just this short poetry by what? The rhyme? It’s art, man. And it’s subjective.

9. The SPOK

Or in other words, how you identify subject, predicate, object, and adverb in a sentence. Then again this thing appalls me with the ludicrous teaching. I believe that this is a good information in the extent of a formal textual sentence. Other than that, it’s just automatic right?

10. Intonation

This is another anomaly. I thought learning intonation in Bahasa Indonesia is like you learning how delivered a good news or a bad news in a right or proper intonation. Instead, they play with a sentence in rape it with different intonation, saying that it might change the meaning if you change the intonation. Remember “Kucing makan tikus mati”? If you change the intonation you will get a different meaning.