• Successful relationships start out very simple. Two conquerors face off. With minimal obligation and responsibility, he seeks to conquer her for sex. She seeks a committed mate before providing it. First conqueror shapes their relationship.
• Trust a man’s actions but verify his words.
• Virtual virginity substitutes well for virginity. Each refusal adds value to her for irresistibility and character strength, both admired by men. (If she can resist him, she’s no pushover for other men, which also increases her value.)
• When he as irresistible force meets her as immovable object, she wins more easily by using fairness than seeking equality.
• Girls dream of a happy life with the right man. Men know they are the right man for any woman.
• The female gender’s most fruitless task is to STOP men from disregarding the needs of women and children. Wife’s most fruitless task is getting husband to change to whatever she desires.
• Men use stubbornness to confirm their sense of significance. We gals should adopt this tactic: When his stubbornness arises, back off and approach such that we don’t challenge who and what he thinks he is. We can find alternative if not better ways.

More next week.

It’s late night

I just want to write something but I don’t know what to write.

Hhmm.. maybe I write about my life lately.

Actually, I’m a woman who afraid to fall in love,,I was just thinking that by loving someone u’ll get hurt. I always tell myself that ‘no one can hurt me’.

Last year,,I forgot the date. I met someone. I knew him for many years before. He came to me and asked me to be his wife. It was suprising! I was glad to met him but I didn’t want to be his wife. Just happy with him. So I refused it. As you know, he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend.

As the time goes by, I didn’t know why. I think I fell in love with him. (something  that I don’t want it happen to me,,I’m not ready for loving someone).  I’ve tried to make him happy, did anything to be with him. I was glad to have him in my life. Some boys came to me, tried to make me smile. Yes, I did. But, I felt empty. I just need that man. I trust him and even prayed for him. I was worried when he sick. I cared about him.

The story began in my birthday. A few years ago, he came to me a night before my birthday. This year I really wish that he were do the same thing. But, he didn’t.  Tears came out of my face. I cried a lot, I really need him that time, I just want to see him. In the next day, he’d come to me and gave me twenty three white roses without smile! He didn’t smile to me, not even a little smile. It ruined my day all day long until my friends came and gave me a surprise. i’ve never felt like this before. i’ve never wish for anyone in my birthday.

In that time I realized,, I LOVE him a lot but liked what I say. ‘you’ll get hurt when u’re in love’. So I was afraid to continue our relationship. It’s still hangin. it was dissapointed.

One day, I met my friends who want to be married. I told them what I felt, they were talking a lot then made me open my heart and I realized, he was the right man. The man I loved. I sent him an sms ‘marry me’ but, he didn’t reply. Actually, it made me disappointed. He was just trying to play with my heart. Last time I read the sms, he needs a break. It’s okay.

I gave him surprise in his birthday, he smiled but that’s it. Maybe, this is the end of our relationship. We’re done. Remember, he is not asking me to be his girlfriend so I don’t belong to him. But, sometimes I feel that he loves me,or maybe I’m just stupid. ^^

Now, I will be back into my real life that I don’t have to love someone. My heart will be a stone. I’m happy to have my family and my friends. They never hurt me and let me walk alone.

My friend said that my love life was tragic! Waow,,

I don’t know what I’m sayin,,just forget it

]]> http://sangeetamall.wordpress.com/2009/08/15/getting-married-getting-laid/ Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:43:55 +0000 sangeetamall http://sangeetamall.wordpress.com/2009/08/15/getting-married-getting-laid/ Increasingly, I’m told, women are going in for live-in relationships in urban India. Really? How come I haven’t seen even one such case in my entire circle of friends and acquaintances? Perhaps because you don’t connect with the ‘right’ kind of people, is the comeback. Oho, so people living in sin are the ‘right kind’, are they? Okay, let’s not get into social politics.
Coming back to the original point. Live-in relationships. I would term it slightly differently. I would call it ‘know-him’ relationship. And most of us don’t have that privilege. We only know him on our ‘first night’, the night of the date rape.
A woman of my acquaintance was very anxious to get her twenty-six year old daughter married off. In this woman’s opinion (though she didn’t exactly express it like this) her daughter was way past her sell-by date, and needed to get married quickly in order to escape permanent singlehood. She had arranged for her daughter to see several men, all of whom the young woman had rejected on purely rational grounds. Now, finally the right guy had been unearthed. He was the right height, had the right qualifications, was from the right family and was, most importantly, willing to enter into the giant hoax that we in India call an arranged marriage. Now, she said with an air of finality, there was no reason for the erring daughter to reject the ‘boy’. Oh no? How about the fact that perhaps there might not be that vital chemistry between the couple? That the right height did not necessarily mean the right hormones kicking into action? But I didn’t say so to the mother. I knew she wouldn’t understand. Chemistry is what is taught in those filthy, smelly labs in school.
I might have suggested that before the young woman is badgered into seeing the various advantages that the prospective groom has, she should be allowed to be dated by the said man, properly dated, as in starting with a drink in a public bar to ending with a tangle between the sheets at an undisclosed location, the whole thing taking its own time, depending on the inertia built into the relationship. Then, and only then, should the man be allowed to flaunt his other ‘assets’.
Thank god nobody asks me about how to get their daughter married off. I’m sure they won’t like the answer. In this case, the young man declared his undying devotion to the girl within a week of knowing her, knowing her as in taking her out to a couple of restaurants and admitting her to two family celebrations. In another week the engagement was celebrated. The date rape is scheduled for two months later. In the meantime, the courting couple is busy getting each other’s measure, sorry, I mean measurements, for the trousseau, of course.
What does all this have to do with CNMO? I’m not sure. Except perhaps Ruts would endorse everything that I’ve said.

We look at Nani, Karim Benzema and Frank Ribery and a few maybe more unlikely names and figure out wholl be the right man instead of the new most expensive soccer player in the world.

Can he even be replaced with just one player?

Source:
http://sportige.com/cristiano-ronaldo-replacement/

Now many of us seem to have this uncanny knack of sabotaging our relationships before they begin. We can have an old habit or way of being that stops us finding or keeping the right person and it can often undermine our self-esteem, self-confidence and keep us from meeting or keeping the right man in our lives.

So….

I’m going to challenge you here to start to take a look at those ways of behaving that seem to be causing the same results and pain for you in your relationships  because once you can recognise them they key is to learn how you can do things differently.

One of the most common fears that causes so manyof us to keep sabotaging our relationships is REJECTION.  I am convinced this is the number one fear that we hold because of our hurt from previous relationships and not wanting to be burnt again.

Let’s suppose you are just starting a new relationship and you’re worrying about what he or she thinks of you? Are they calling or texting you enough? Are you reading between every single line they send and then going back and reading your texts to them and wondering how it might have come across to them?  The trick in any situation is to start to become aware of what’s going on inside of you and then to notice what it is doing to you, what feelings and emotions are coming up? What actions are following on from those emotions? If you can just STOP and take a good look at your own fears before you write that text, pick up the phone or hit the send email button, you’ll immediately see a change in your dating life.

 If you want to learn how your fears are coming across to a man and how you can get back in control of your love life go here now www.havefunfindingtheone.co.uk

♂ A successful marriage is not in finding the right person. It is being the right person. As the relationship expert, the obligation falls heaviest upon the woman.

♂ A woman has to sell a man on fidelity, marriage, and her female worth as comfort partner and companion. Otherwise, men focus on frequent and convenient sex as comfort from their daily ‘battles’.

♂ The wrong woman easily finds Mr. Wrong. It takes the right woman to find a man with high potential and then fine tune him into Mr. Right.

♂ Women jump at the chance to call a boyfriend the right man to justify behavior she knows is not in her best interest. She thus dooms a relationship.

♂ Calling a man Mr. Right elicits intuitive female actions that turn him off—e.g., overloads of affection, possessiveness, eagerness, co-dependency, desperation.

♂ Men are turned on by challenges and opportunities that prove them capable, and not by unearned claims that he’s already Mr. Right.

♂©♀  Mr. Right does not arrive in her life. She turns the man in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as his devotion to her. To her mind, he never quite gets there. But, he also never finds out what she’s been doing—until it’s too late, and they are aging gracefully together.

♂©♀  Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate mutual interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the scene.

♂©♀  Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. (Such as those at post 59.) 

♂©♀  Most women have two options: give of herself as a helpmate, or live life alone, lonesome, and often desperate. Young women claim it’s b…s…, but they’ve not aged yet either.

♂©♀  In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not dating tho. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage.

[More about making caste courtships work at posts 174, 163, 154, 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down sequentially or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

♀ A man’s character traits take time to discover. Yet, they are far better predictors about the long term than a man’s words of affection and verbal commitment before conquest.

♀ Erotic attire inspires short-term relationships. Her appearance attracts, but after conquest it reminds of booty.

♀ From being denied conquest by most women, men learn to respect and appreciate the female gender.

♀ Wives foul up by trying to motivate their husband. There’s no such thing as motivation. There is only demotivation which is easy, and self-motivation which is his.

♀ Promiscuous women eventually find they lead an unfulfilled life.     

♀ Pre-marital qualifying for the Right Man starts with this simple logic: He either honors her expectations for their sexual relationship, or he doesn’t.

♀ She knows more about how women think, and less about how men think. Therefore, women trust men more easily than they trust women.

[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 200 and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

♀ If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides much safer alternatives for her than sex before marriage.

♀ Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature helps virtual virginity work for her.

♀This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows.

♂♀ The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine values, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex.

[More about chaste courtships appear in posts 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scrolling down works and so does searching by the number with a dot and space following.]

♀Women have no greater direct influence on their own personal world than when they refuse to provide unmarried sex. Yielding weakens her influence and enhances his dominating spirit.

♀ Women have two major windows in which they can change their man: A long courtship before they first have sex and in middle age after Nature softens his heart. Both, however, require patience, indirectness, and feminine charm.

♀Women reject a long chaste courtship. They prefer the joys of sex over opportunity to makeover a man into Right Man. This forces her to seek to change him after marriage, a sure-fire way to push him toward other arms.

♀ Women want to change their man after marriage but find that they can’t. The male nature resists her pressures to change, except as a woman delays his premarital conquest to stimulate change.

♀ A long sex-free courtship resolves uncertainty about a man’s character and potential for successful marriage. Most men reveal their true character but not their entire Self, when facing a woman’s hard-headed and continuing delays for their first sex together. But, women are in charge of courtship only as long as it remains platonic.

♀ A simple test of a man’s devotion: He honors her needs and wants ahead of his own. If, however, he continually pleases her at the expense of his manly dreams, she will lose respect for him and he will eventually become dumper or dumpee. 

[More about the merits of chaste courtships appear in post 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down or search by the number.]

♣ Wives thrive on their man’s devotion, but then they take advantage of it. They belittle and nag him to get better, sacrifice more for her, pay more attention to her, or provide more affection. Instead, her pressures cause his devotion to weaken, his interest to spread outside the home, and his commitment to ultimately fade perhaps altogether.

♣ Women capture a man most successfully when they make him capture her. Easily captured game is easily caught and released. Difficult-to-capture game becomes manly trophies. Men have a hunting nature.

♣ Women ignore old school female virtue in favor of new school ‘anything goes’. The Marrying Man loses interest in marrying and focuses on women for sex.

♣ A.D.D. revisited — Women as the relationship experts are well equipped to accept, adjust, or compensate for a man’s Affection Delivery Disorder. Instead, however, most women focus on themselves. Those surveyed complain most about their man’s lack of showing affection—thus admitting their primary shortcoming to be female Affection Deficit Disorder and their inability to handle it. [See post #3 for more on A.D.D.]

♣ Modern women refuse to pay a man’s price for husbanding and fathering. So, husbands evade personal, family, and relationship responsibilities in favor of guy things and adventures unfriendly to or exclusive of their wife.

♣ The excitement of a new boyfriend distorts a female’s thinking. She’s so excited that she looks at today and forgets all the tomorrows. The female nature best deals with the future, the male nature best deals with the present.  

♣ One poor strategy causes women to lose the war of the sexes. She thinks sex will capture a man, her romancing will confirm him as the right man, and her love will hold him.

[More fickleness at post #34.] 

Many women seem inept at winning the battle of the sexes, attracting the right man, avoiding hit-and-run relationships, identifying worthless men before yielding sex, dodging the Manipulating Man, avoiding the violent man, capturing the Marrying Man, avoiding accumulation of more ‘baggage’, inspiring faithfulness, avoiding the man’s game of shack up, living with a man for more than a few years, and growing into the right person to hold a man for life.

Some women adopt stupid rationalizations: Get pregnant to capture or hold a man. A married man is better than nothing. We’re great in bed, so he must love me. If we don’t cohabit, I’ll lose him.

Other women ignore their nature. A woman does not absolutely need a man, but she wants company or assistance at specific times in life. Primarily she wants a dependable relationship with someone stronger and perhaps more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children. She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by catastrophes, powerful people, and unexpected events. She wants comfort in needy times and seeks companionship to prevent loneliness. She particularly wants all these things late in life.

Feminist theory, dogma, and propaganda brought these conditions to women. Fortunately, women are now beginning to see the light. 

♀ Virtual virginity means to the Dating Man either (1) he’s not good enough for her, (2) he’s not good enough yet, or (3) she has religious, moral, or other reasons for not yielding. All three reasons present challenges to draw him back to her. If he’s just after sex instead of her, he’ll dump her in a short while. 

     Thus, a VirtVirgin produces dump-before-sex, which is better than dump-after-sex for four reasons: (a) She wins by uncovering his camouflaged, disingenuous, and perhaps dishonest motivation. (b) She won’t have him in her closet of forgotten sex partners who were never worth her anyway. (c) She can slam him into the ‘Thank God’ corner of her memory bank. (d) She doesn’t have to explain him to a future husband.

♀ Provided he’s after her instead of just conquest, a virtual virgin forces him to more patiently look for her weaknesses that might enable conquest. In the process, over time, he learns by absorption about her strengths, qualities, and potential for wifehood. Once she yields, he quits looking for weaknesses and so fails to recognize and learn to appreciate more of her non-sexual assets. That is, after conquest, he quits looking so hard at what all she has to offer him.

♀ Virtual virginity makes a female unique and highly worthy of pursuit. Conquest makes him the competitive superior to other men, and the greater her perceived worth as chaste, the more eagerly he bends to her expectations—provided his pursuit is hampered by her refusals for a long time. That is, she adds value to herself by being more insistent about saving herself for her husband.

♀ Feminists claim men should not be that way, and they try politically to change the male nature. Male behavior changes long enough to conquer another woman, but masculinity eventually trumps both politics and female wishful thinking. Individual women pay the price by losing a man they hope to keep.

♀ A man’s natural pursuit of other females does not stop until one woman so captures his respect and captivates his imagination that he devotes himself to her alone. Virtual virginity provides best strategy for winning this battle of the sexes.

Abstinence holds men off. Chastity keeps men interested. Virginity—real, virtual, or imagined—attracts the Marrying Man.

The more restrained a woman’s sexual activity, the easier to earn a man’s respect upon which his love can be built. (Coming soon: A post about the toxins of disclosing her sexual history.)

Playing ‘hard-to-get’ empowers a woman to dominate a courtship. She can separate a man’s actions as devotion to her alone from his words of commitment that may be hollow to enable conquest. She can shape their relationship to keep brightening her future. She can force a long sex-free courtship to better assess his character and value as husband and potential father.

Once she yields, however, his nature and character—or lack of character—take hold. He assumes the dominant role as conqueror’s right.

♀ Dominance among couples comes in several colors: Dominant mate or the head, dominant nester or the heart, and dominant family leader or the most cherished. Marriage works best when that sequence matches this: him, her, and either.

♀ Girls dream of a happy life with the right man. Men know they are the right man for any woman. Each man expects one woman to energize and shower him with wedded bliss. Of course it’s not fair, but it is Nature in action.

♀ In the movie, The King and I, Yul Brynner sings that women are made for one man, but men are made to go blossom-to-blossom. Masculine-style sexual freedom practiced by females makes the king’s musical model bloom as cheap, unobligated reality for modern men.

♀ After conquest, a man’s pursuit of a female stops, because he owns their sexual agenda. The maximum influence she wielded before conquest fades to much less. Worse, he quits looking for her weaknesses, so he stops uncovering her strengths.

♀ The real glue of a lasting marriage is not love so much as the absence of demeaning irritants, frequent hassles, and widening ingratitude for him and lessening of affection for her.

♀ A female eager to accept a male as sex partner bypasses the process by which she earns his respect. This means that little within him grows to help commit him to her after lust and infatuation fade in a year or two.

♀ Both men and women rationalize that sex and even shack up should precede marriage so as to confirm compatibility. This male game emerges from feminist propaganda and dollars earned by TV and Hollywood. Of marriages following shack up, 80 percent fail.

♀ Female independence gained through masculine-style sexual freedom make marriage dwindle in importance, vitality, longevity, and appeal to men. Feminist politics and propaganda cannot make life fair.

♀ Feminism brought into the home changes the natural and cooperative battle of the sexes into an unnatural and competitive war of the sexes.

♀ Successful relationships depend upon the lessons girls learn while teaching boys to honor feminine values, standards, and expectations. Popularized and rampant teen sexual activity short-circuits this process. Men win, and women lose as relationships fail and click women into the recycle bin.

♀ Hollywood flicks, TV shows, and pop culture excitement convince women that premarital and first time sexual relations are an exciting way to capture a man. Or, it is the woman’s due, and yielding sex never has bad consequences. However, it’s both feminist and male propaganda.

♀ The more wives take feminist theory and dogma into the home, the more husbands decide the kind of husband or ex they will be.

The fairy tale only comes to life when the natural makeup of a man and woman are merged into their most compatible and cooperative but not competitive whole. His potential to join her in matrimony makes him a prince. Then, at the altar, his nature requires that she crown him her king.

If she treats him as a king before their wedding day, such as providing sex, she weakens his potential as a forever husband. Crowned before his time, the intensity of his interest passes to other things, and the intensity of his conquering spirit passes to other females. His nature at work.

If she cannot accept him as king in their home, she again pushes him toward the escape hatch. His nature prevails again. 

She can condemn his nature and even get him to change behavior, but sooner or later she will pay a price for doing so.