Cap’n Blackjack is not exaggerating. If I had a harpoon stuck in my throat while gurgling blood to a Kenny G. jingle, I would have been in a better situation than I was during my first, and only, viewing of RK.

There was even a sucking sound as my soul was been drained. Thankfully, Cap’n Blackjack recognized my dire situation and replaced this foul thing with the last movie I would have ever guessed would save my life: Black Dog.

courtesy urgh/wordpress

**Meatloaf: Pulled me out like a something out of somewhere.

I remember saying, “Thank goodness for Black Dog!” And it’s true. We even recorded the last 40 minutes so we could watch it in the morning.

So please, don’t take the RK Challenge lightly. And under no circumstances watch this movie alone or without an alternative viewing schedule ready to go at a moment’s notice. It could just be a matter of life and death.

–Limejuiceboy

courtesy accesshollywood

It might surprise some of you that we here at Celebrity Exile don’t always banish evildoers to the island.  No, we also provide a public service, providing warnings to those who are on the dark path.

The path to The Island.

We call this Timeout Island: a last chance to fix things before permanent exile.  And Robert and Al are two men that desperately need a timeout.  This realization dawned on me when watching the truly horrific 2008 release Righteous Kill; a movie that we currently have a challenge for:  If you can watch the entire thing without turning it off, you lose. 

Limejuiceboy and I tried the Righteous Kill Challenge once.  I dare you all to do the same.  Sounds easy, I know, but it’s not.  Dear Lord in Heaven it is NOT.  To try to describe the many reasons why would be useless.  Let’s just say that about 50 minutes in, the Limejuiceboy turned to me, ashen and fragile of spirit, suggesting I turn it off.  There was a small measure of panic behind his eyes but my case of Righteous Kill-itis was not as pronounced, so I rejected the offer.  We only had 40 minutes left!  Surely we would make it to the end (not that I cared about the ending.  I just wanted to win the challenge). 

Wrong.  Ten minutes later, with only seconds before the one hour mark, he begged me to shut it off.  Begged me.  Seeing him in this broken-down state made me realize it was killing him.  Literally.  He looked like poor Donovan after sipping from the wrong grail.  He had no strength left.  He just wanted to live.  Thank god Patrick Swayze (rest in peace my friend) was on basic cable to revive him.  And me too.  It was like a warm soothing presence swept through the room that dark n’ stormy night.  The dark spirits were banished.  We were born anew.

Common sense might tell you that two actors of such repute would lift such a drab movie above the gutter, but that just wasn’t the case with Righteous Kill.

The sad truth is that Al Pacino has turned into a caricature of himself.  Yelling, flailing his arms, doing that eye thing he does…  You’ve seen it before.  Many times.  And now it’s ten times worse.  He’s not acting anymore.  He’s just being himself.  And himself is bugnuts.

And what about De Niro?  He’s still good, right?  No, he’s Frankenstein now (Branagh was really onto something there).  He can’t move.  He can’t emote.  And he most certainly cannot act anymore.  There’s just nothing left.  It’s like watching your grandfather trying, and failing, to get up from the dinner table.  It’s just sad.

So, guys, please stop listening to your agents.  You are ruining your reputations.  You were just out-acted by 50 Cent and Donnie Freaking Wahlberg!  And Analyze That, Meet the Fockers, Gigli..?  These movies are terrible!  Neither one of you has made a good one since the late nineties!  Please, find new agents or stay home.  I don’t want to see you like this.  No one does.  You owe it to yourselves to think about what you’ve done and make a decision. 

Take a timeout.  Limejuiceboy’s life depends on it.

–Cap’n Blackjack

That’s me preparing for my dump, by the way.  What a place to put a portaloo!

So here are 20 of the decades worst flicks. I’ve chosen to do a list of 20 because I’m also doing a Top 20 list.For the sake of consistency, and all that bollocks.

I’ve set some rules for myself as the shortlist was triple this size. Importantly, I’ve avoided repeating anyone else’s list. So if it’s not on the list, it will most likely mean I chose to target something else. This only occurred about three or four times so it didn’t affect my list too greatly. And everything that needs to be said about Alien vs Predator: Requiem has already been said.

Also, I’ve chosen to only include movies I had a overwhelming hatred for. Not just a ‘that was shit’, but these movies make me want to kill puppies. Not that I have of course, but even thinking about these movies while doing the list has annoyed the shit out of me. That’s how evil these shitfests are.

So with further ado, away we go!

20. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

I call this flick the ‘relationship killer’. Well, maybe not relationship, but I went on a second date with a chick and we saw this piece of shit. Needless to say I never heard from her again. I blame the movie, not my good looks or winning personality. In theory, this is a cool idea. Bring together all the literary icons of the past couple of hundred years and have them join forces to defeat the ultimate evil adversary. Needless to say that theory proved incorrect. Jekyll and Hyde looked like a condom stuffed with potatoes, Sean Connerys stunt double should’ve received top billing and Richard Roxburgh hammed it up so much I had a craving for pork chops. I’ve not read Alan Moores funnybook, but if this is the result then count me out. One day someone will learn not to fucking adapt Alan Moore. The only barely watchable adaptation is ‘From Hell’.

19. Elizabethtown (2005)

I’d usually blame that effeminate prick Orlando Bloom for ruining a film, but in this case his Hugh Grant-channelling performance pales in comparison to the saccharine, cloying screenplay. Laurence Olivier couldn’t have played that character. A complete shitfest from start to finish. Something about a failed sneaker, an annoying stewardess, a dead father and a fucking musical journey through the heartland. Fuck me, I either like or love all of Cameron Crowe’s flicks, particularly ‘Say Anything’, but this could very well be a career killer.

18. Blood Diamond (2006)

You can see the screenplay being written by committee as you witness this travelogue of political points masquerading as an action flick. Leo “I wear a little beard when I want to look tough” DiCaprio’s worst performance this side of ‘The Man in the Iron Mask’. His shitty Saffa accent fades in and out, then somewhere along the way he learns that Saffa’s call each other ‘Bru’. So every subsequent line of dialogue is littered with it. It’s “Bru this” and “Bru that”. Eh Bru, don’t ya know that’s fucking annoying?. And the romance with the skeleton formerly known as Jennifer Connelly is forced garbage. Poor old Djimon Hounsou. He has made a career of giving great support in aid of dreck.

17. The Sweetest Thing (2002)

A wannabe ‘American Pie’ meets ‘There’s Something About Mary’ with the bad taste ramped up to 11, but the laughs on mute. This is where Cameron Diaz lost me. I thought she was okay before this. Like the dreadful ‘Charlies Angels’ flicks, the forced girl power camaraderie is embarrassing. Getting a dick piercing stuck on your tonsils? Taking a semen stained dress to the dry cleaner and your priest walks in? Chicks fondling one characters plastic tits in the bathroom of a nightclub? Pathetic.

16. The Holiday (2006)

Diaz again! And another effeminate prick from the UK. And tubby bastard Jack Black (who I do usually like). And the completely unlikeable Kate Winslett. Something about her just irritates me. I particularly hated Jude Law, who blubbers his way through the entire running time of this steaming load. What an absolute twat that bloke is.

15. Shrek the Third (2007)

I didn’t like Shrek very much. It was saved by Donkey. Shrek 2 stank even worse. Puss in Boots got me through it. But this piece of shit doesn’t even pretend to have a storyline that means anything. Shrek goes to get some dorky kid. Shrek brings him back. This is just such a lazy goddamn cashgrab. Completely devoid of any entertainment value. It’s a sickening experience.

14. Righteous Kill (2008)

Here you have two of the greatest actors in living memory, giving horrendous performances in a pathetically obvious and boring cop thriller. Honestly, what the were they thinking? Jon Avnet can go fuck himself. Not only did he direct this turkey, but he also directed ‘88 Minutes’ which is not on this list because I didn’t really want to double up on two shithouse thrillers starring the blow waved Pacino. I chose this one because it not only wastes De Niro and Pacino, it also wastes the gorgeous Carla Gugino.

13. The Spirit (2008)

Holy shit, if you haven’t seen this, I’m jealous. It’s just as bad as you’ve heard. It proves beyond a doubt that Frank Miller is a complete bag of cocks. It wants desperately to be ‘Sin City’ cool, but fails in every aspect. The scene where Samuel L. Jackson is dressed up as a Nazi has to be seen to be believed. And Miller must’ve thought it was brilliant because the fucking scene goes on forever! And why the fuck do these two keep fighting each other? Neither The Spirit nor Jacksons character can even get injured, yet they keep pounding on each other. It’s just tedious and idiotic. Fuck off Miller, you prick.

12. The Break-Up (2006)

Honestly, if I want to experience two hours of two people arguing, I’ll get back with my ex-girlfriend. What is this supposed to be? A comedy? Cause it sure ain’t funny. A drama? Cause who gives a shit about two selfish idiots without any redeeming factors? Motormouth Vaughn’s schtick is getting so old it’s beyond a joke. On an related note, if they ever do a bio of Quentin “I suffer from gigantism” Tarantino, I nominate Vaughn and his mellon head for the job.

11. My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)

Completely, utterly unfunny. Terrible performances. Unwatchable dreck. I barely remember it, thank christ. I just remember I hated it with the fire of a thousand suns.

10. Eagle Eye (2008)

Or as I like to call it, ‘Enemy of the I, Robot’. When will people learn? Shia La Fucking Beef is not an action hero! DJ Caruso, who has the most annoying name this side of McG, just apes other, more talented directors in every flick he does. This is absolute shit. I can immediately think of a way to vastly improve it. Switch around the roles. Move Rosario Dawson to the La Beef character, swap Billy Bob Thornton and Michelle Monaghan, and move Michael Chiklis to Dawson. And fuck La Beef right off. It would still be a shit, intelligence insulting exercise in mass marketing, but at the very least we’d get decent actors in the roles. And don’t have that fucking tacked on scene at the end when two people that we’ve just watched fot two hours and have zero chemistry and obviously dislike each other get bloody cosy. You didn’t earn that goddamn scene. Fuck off DJ.

9. The Love Guru (2008)

God Mike Myers is a mugging prick. Unless he makes Waynes World 3, he can fuck off back to Canada. No, scratch that. He can fuck off anyway. There is so much desperation in this flick it’s painful to watch. He stops every minute and a half to stare straight into camera and try to mug a chuckle out of you. There is a character in this, played by Sir Ben Kingsley, named Guru Tugginmypuda. Jesus christ. Even Alba looks embarrassed to be in this bowl movement.

8. The Village (2004)

This is the first M. Night I hated. I like Sixth Sense and Signs, and I love Unbreakable. I absolutely loathe this shitheap. The twist sucks. It’s boring. Brody as the tard is mind-bogglingly annoying, nutbar hairlip looks like he doesn’t want to be there at all (I don’t blame him) and the reason for living the way they do never really made any sense. I seriously think this would’ve been better if it was a straight up horror flick. The woods had real monsters and it really was the 1800’s or whenever it was supposed to be. As it stands, it’s not. And it set the trend for M. Night’s career trajectory.

7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

I like Michael Bay movies. There, I said it. I have a unexplainable love of The Island. Maybe it’s Johannson’s lips. I don’t know. But it features the Bayhem speciality of shit rolling off the back of a truck into oncoming traffic. No one does it better. I kind of enjoyed the first Transformers flick. It was about as good as I could expect from a movie about giant, shape-shifting alien robots punching each other over the ownership of a rubix cube. But in their desperation to capitalise on the first flicks unlikely box office, they rushed this piece of shit into production without a script that makes a lick of sense. So much is crammed in to it, and nothing means anything. Nothing makes sense. Why are the robots organic? How does a robot simulate human flesh? Why build up a two and a half hour movie to have the ultimate showdown with the king of the Decepticons then have him get his ass kicked in about two minutes? Robots humping legs? A robot with a cane? Robots that vacuum sand like Megan Fox vacuumed cock to get the role in the first one? This is such a headache inducing experience. Hate is not a strong enough word

6. The Heartbreak Kid (2008)

The Farrelly Brothers have made three awesome comedies, Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin (my fav) and There’s Something About Mary. This pile of excrement has just one likeable character. Michelle Monaghan is too good for this shit. There’s a point early in the movie where Stillers at the wedding of his ex and in his speech her father says that Stiller’s character is an asshole. Too fucking right. His character is such a selfish dick that you actually feel sorry for his new wife! And she’s supposed to be the nightmare! Poor Malin Akerman and Monaghan. This is what up and coming actresses have to deal with in Hollywood. Either humiliated in loathsome “comedies” or running around dodging fireballs in shithouse action movies. Both deserve better.

5. John Q (2002)

Denzel is a great actor. He can elevate bad material to a watchable level. ‘The Bone Collector’ for example. But he stars in bad flicks ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I’m sick of it. This one-sided, manipulative liberal mouthpiece of a movie could’ve been written my Michael Moore. The “good guys” are made to be so sympathetic and the bad guys so emotionless and evil it’s a stomach churning watch. I remember taking a sickie off work and wondering what to do with my day. I decided I’d go down to the local cinema and check out a movie. And this is what I saw. It’s was so maddening that I wished a painful death on everyone involved.

4. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)

I hated the first Deuce Bigelow. I hate Rob Schneider. Why did I bother watching this shit? He goes to Amsterdam and becomes a man-whore for a bunch of fucking freaks. But in the first one, the freaks were tall, fat or legless. Most of the freaks in this one have no basis in reality. One has a dick on her nose for fucks sake! Schneider is an unfunny little prick and can die a horrible death for all I care.

3. Hannibal (2001)

Fuck Ridley Scott. Fuck Thomas Harris. Fuck Anthony Hopkins. Good on Jodie Foster. She’s the only one that had any sense beyond drooling over a mound of cash as they shit all over one of the greatest cinematic icons of the past 20 years. Fuck Harris doubly because he did it AGAIN with that prequel (which I never bothered watching). I almost walked out of this flick after 15 minutes. I could see the writing on the wall. But I’d paid my 10 bucks and rationalised that if I didn’t walk out on GI Jane (another horrendous Scott flick) I couldn’t justify walking out on anything. This has a brilliant cast, a director who can occasionally knock it out of the park and all the money in the world. It’s a complete and utter failure on every level. It’s not intelligent or involving like The Silence of The Lambs. It’s not atmospheric or exciting like Manhunter. It’s a cynical goddamn cashgrab and it’s a dirty great skidmark on the careers of everyone involved.

2. xXx (2002)

I honestly don’t think Vin Diesels made a flick I really like. His best effort by far is Pitch Black which was made infinitely better by having the balls to kill the chick right at the end. Rob Cohen is an awful, awful director. I liked Dragonheart at the time, but now if I’m afraid to watch it again. This braindead hunk of shit begins with a ‘move over James Bond’ scene that’s embarrassing, obvious and moronic. And it’s all downhill from there. It’s so desperate to be hip and cool. But in reality it’s sad, stupid and ugly. When will Hollywood learn that although the Czech Republic is a cheap place to shoot, unless you’re doing a flick about the dawn of time, import actors from elsewhere in Europe. Looking at these neanderthals for two hours is quite simply off-putting. And once you’ve seen the biggest neanderthal of them all ’shaking with rage’ while looking through x-ray goggles’, I dare say Prague won’t be high on your ‘must visit’ list.

1. Ocean’s Twelve (2004)

Here we have it. The worst movie of the decade. This piece of shit is so smug and condescending it’s infuriating. But I only merely hated it up until the point of the “have Julia Roberts pretend to be Julia Roberts” scene. That scene is THE biggest kick in the nuts while you’re down I’ve ever witnessed. IT’S NOT FUCKING CLEVER. It’s a pathetic act of desperation. There’s more mugging in this flick than the entire Mike Myers and Schneider back catalogue combined! Why is Brad Pitt eating in every fucking scene? It’s embarrassing how much back-slapping and “Wow, aren’t we funny and clever.” there is in this trash. And worst of all it wastes a fucking awesome cast. Finney, Cassel, Willis, Garcia, Izzard and Coltrane. Soderbergh is a pretentious little prick. He’s so far up himself his films reek of shit. The only one I think is brilliant is ‘Out of Sight’. I hated, loathed, despised this movie.

Righteous Shoot = Dead POS:

Sheriff identifies Oswego County intruder killed in Schroeppel
By John Mariani

Schroeppel, NY — The man who was shot and killed during an apparent burglary Saturday at a Schroeppel home has been tentatively identified.

Oswego County Sheriff’s officials said Timothy Hartigan, 39, was killed after Deanna Candee, 48, and her son, Adam Candee, 25, came home to their residence at 211 Hilltop Drive to find an intruder.

A violent struggle ensued during which Deanna Candee got her pistol and shot Hartigan once, sheriff’s officials said.

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A rare De Niro Candid

Do you realize how difficult it is to find pictures of Robert De Niro?  Obviously I could find dozens of De Niro as Travis Bickle, or De Niro as Jake La Motta, or De Niro as Jack Byrnes in Meet the Parents. Unlike 95% of stars and famous actors, De Niro not only shelters himself (and his family) from paparazzi attention, but poses for precious few profile photos, period.  Indeed, nearly all of the images readily available were screen caps, publicity stills, or a small handful of un-posed shots from Tribeca and other mandatory public appearances.

An even rarer De Niro Paparazzi Shot

In other words, sticking with our understanding of a star as an actor whose private life has become equally, if not more, important to his/her image as his/her actual film roles, De Niro is no star.  He’s perhaps our greatest living actor, but his private life has always been — and remains — almost wholly unknown.

Of course, his biography can be recited — it’s right here on Wikipedia, filled with details of his childhood, his early theater roles (his first role was as the lion in The Wizard of Oz), his subsequent work with the Actor’s Studio, and the eventual move to film and long-term collaboration with Scorsese.  But apart from the fact of his parents’ occupations and the milieu of his childhood, the available details are all work posturing as intimate knowledge.  We know nothing of De Niro other than the facts of his marriages (he has had two), children (apparently he has fathered four and adopted one, although the details are unclear).  His first wife, Diahnne Abbott, had appeared in Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy. He had a son in 1998.  But again, these are facts, not stories.  He owns a large amount of real estate in TriBeCa; he co-owns hot-spot restaurants Nobu and TriBeCa Grill; he started the up-and-coming TriBeCa film festival.  He has directed two films, both to moderate praise  (A Bronx Tale and The Good Shepherd).  He is said to spend a fair amount of time dining in his restaurants and Jay-Z even name drops him in the recent hit “Empire State of Mind.”

De Niro’s image, then, is built on a series of highly iconic roles and business decisions.  He has a distinct “picture personality,” to borrow from Richard DeCordova — as in very early cinema, before the studios realized they could up the demand for their actors by releasing tidbits of their private lives, audiences strung together their conception of De Niro through knowledge of his various roles.  In other words, our knowledge of his supposed ‘personality’ is predicated on his actual ‘pictures.’ You, dear readers, support this very conclusion: when I queried my Facebook and Twitter followers as to their immediate associations with De Niro, the answers either explicitly invoked film roles, (“You Talkin’ to Me?”/The Godfather/shooting Bridget Fonda in Jackie Brown/Ben Stiller rolling off a roof/Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas/A Bronx Tale), his financial moves (Tribeca), and his physical appearance (short guy/’yummy’/DILF/mohawk/Italian).

Interestingly, one reader responded with “smirking.  smarminess.”  I find this particularly fascinating in light of the clip below, which purports to be an outtake from a promo shoot for Tribeca.  (Thanks to Peter Alilunas over at Manvertised for directing me to it.)

As you can see, the persona reproduced here matches well with the ‘new De Niro’ — as if the psychosis and abjection of his early characters (especially in the Scorsese films) had been sublimated into the agitated portrayals of middle-class, middle-age men (in Meet the Parents in particular, but one could also argue for Analyze This and Analyze That as well).

This rare glimpse of the ‘real’ De Niro seems to authenticate the image of him gleaned from his roles — unlike a similar glimpse of the ‘real’ Christian Bale on the set of Terminator (and the alleged ‘abuse’ of his mother/sister) which usurped his image as a class-act/family man/forever-Laurie from Little Women.  The clip is two years old and has been viewed under one million times, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work — it simply means that its existence is no revelation (it confirms, as opposed to compromises, our established understanding.  Scandal — or massive YouTube hits — erupts when what we thought was true turns out to be false.)

Which brings us to the idea of De Niro as caricature.  Several respondees (granted, most of them cinephiles or media aficionados more generally) indicated that De Niro primarily signifies as a parody or caricature of his former self, as he’s poured all his energy and resources into profiting off his mere presence in films co-produced by Tribeca Productions, most notably Hide and Seek, Righteous Kill, and What Just Happened.  Righteous Kill was particularly (un)remarkable, as it paired De Niro with another acting legend of a similar age — Al Pacino — to lackluster effect and dismal reviews (21% on Rotten Tomatoes).  The pairing  could have been explosive (think of their few shared moments together in Heat) but this was the wrong movie, with the wrong script, wrong dialogue, and a premise that depended too heavily on both De Niro and Pacino’s iconic images.

Importantly, these ‘late’ De Niro roles are working with a subdued and defanged version of his early characters.  Think of his role in Goodfellas as Jimmy Conway, when he’s been unnaturally aged — silver haired, reading glasses.  That was 1990, and he was made to look the way he does now in films.  But something violent and precarious undulated beneath Jimmy Conway’s aging exterior: when he attempts to show Karen Hill (Lorraine Bracco) a warehouse full of furs, you are terrified of what he might or might not do.

De Niro as an older Jimmy Conway in Goodfellas

I would argue that part of the magic of De Niro’s early performances was rooted in his cult of anti-stardom.  Because we didn’t know anything else about him, he very well could have been as fearsome as the characters he so fully inhabited. Looking at his papers in the Harry Ransom Center here at the University of Texas, I’m struck by a man so devoted to his characters that he would edit an entire version of a script (as he does in the files for Casino) as if Ace Rothstein himself were reading the script and commenting on his own portrayal.  (I’m also interested in the motivation for the donation of his papers to the HRC in the first place — apparently he was inspired by Scorsese’s donation of his personal files to Wesleyan, and he received no payment, unlike, say, Paul Schrader.  He’s even funding a number of research fellowships, and apparently loves the idea of students thinking through his performances.  It’s as if he acknowledges that those roles are out for public consumption, and people can know about his acting and ‘work’ as much as they’d like.  It’s the non-acting side of his life he keeps close.)

In some ways, the mystique of De Niro’s anti-stardom has been evacuated by these late roles.  But then again, what are his choices?  One can only imagine the tremendous toll of thirty years of playing the likes of Travis Bickle, Jake La Motta, and Max Cady (terrifying in Scorsese’s Cape Fear).  While I obviously know nothing of De Niro as a man — other than what I have been able to glean from the very work-centric papers at the HRC — I imagine that these late roles are a mellowing of sorts.  Look, for example, to the trailer for his forthcoming family drama Everybody’s Fine with Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, Sam Rockwell, and Melissa Leo, in which he plays a widower attempting to reconnect with his grown children:

Who’s to say this role is any less method acting than that of, say, Jimmy Doyle in New York, New York?  He may not have learned to play the saxophone for the role, but I oftentimes think we’re too keen to award and overvalue acting that is either bombastic, ugly, manic, or different in some ways.  Playing serial killers, social misfits, and general victims = good, hard acting.  Playing normal guys with subtle problems = not work.  The files on De Niro’s latest films have been slowly trickling into the HRC, and it’ll be fascinating to see how his process manifests differently on Hide and Seek (a horror film with Dakota Fanning), his voice work on Shark Tale, or when he’s behind the camera on The Good Shepherd.

Ultimately, I do agree that De Niro’s ‘picture personality’ has changed.  But he’s supposedly working with Scorsese again, and I look forward to seeing him act off Rockwell and Leo.   I like old, sad men — and what can De Niro do with quiet grief? It could be disappointing, but it could also be beautiful.

I suppose that with so many voices saying he’s washed up, I still find him — and his choices, including his continued anti-stardom — fascinating and compelling.  When and if he comes to the HRC, his aura will overwhelm me, no matter how many Little Fockers he makes.  Some stars stop working altogether and arrest their images, whether by choice (Garbo) or by death (Dean, Monroe).  But even those who do not — who, like Brando, appear in Superman for a ludicrous sum of money and retreat to their South Pacific island — remain powerful in our minds.  De Niro and Brando are very different, especially since Brando’s personal life became such a fundamental part of his star image in later years.  I can’t imagine the same happening in any way for De Niro.  But both men offered performances that remain touchstones of American cinema and dramatically altered our understandings of what masculinity and a masculine body and mind could resemble.  So let De Niro pay for his kids’ college funds and cultivate film and filmmaking in New York.  I’ll be watching Everybody’s Fine with the subconscious fear that he’ll pull a Rupert Pupkin (from The King of Comedy) and kidnap Jerry Lewis and highjack late night television at any moment.  Such is the power of past performance — I’m not thinking of who his kids are, or what jacket he wears when he goes jogging, but of his actual body of work.  And it’s something, especially when we think about the division between ‘actors’ and ’stars,’ and whether it’s possible to maintain that division in an increasingly intolerant market for actual acting and storylines, for us to consider.

]]> http://1idvet.com/2009/08/26/righteous-shoot-2/ Wed, 26 Aug 2009 23:23:45 +0000 1idvet http://1idvet.com/2009/08/26/righteous-shoot-2/

Righteous shoot.

Gun Control or, in control of his gun?

Plantation, FL — Last week police were called to investigate an
attempted armed robbery:

A 71-year-old retired Marine who opened fire on two robbers at a Subway
shop in Plantation , Florida late Wednesday, killing one and critically
wounding the other, is described as John Lovell, a former helicopter
pilot for two presidents.  He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, and he
works out everyday.  Mr. Lovell was a man of action Wednesday night.

According to Plantation police, two masked gunmen came into the Subway
at 1949 North Pine Road just after 11 p.m.  There was a lone diner, Mr.
Lovell, who was finishing his meal.  After robbing the cashier, the two
men attempted to shove Mr. Lovell into a bathroom and rob him as well.
They got his money, but then Mr. Lovell pulled his handgun and opened
fire.  He shot one of the thieves in the head and chest and the other in
the head.

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The writing job that I desperately want to talk about:

I can’t talk about specifics… Yet. The hyperbole-laden details are right here. I’d like to think that it went well, but, honestly, it’s really difficult to tell. A producer from the show emailed me at 3:30pm (exactly) with four news stories that I had to rearrange and dust with the spray-tan version of wit. Here’s the trap in a situation like that:

You need to be funny without seeming like you’re trying too hard. For example: Anthony Jeselnik is funny. Dane Cook is funny but he tries too hard. Way too hard. Ruben Studdard would exert less effort summiting Everest than Dane Cook does over the course of a single joke. I needed to color the stories with my sense of humor, whilst remembering that the ultimate design is in the style of somebody else. Not easy.

Since this was my first time – and you could spot this coming a mile away – I spent way too much time on the first story. 55 minutes, to be exact. Leaving me – for all of your math whizzes out there – 65 minutes minutes for the next three stories. Whoops.

Instead of panicking, I calmly went downstairs and walked across the street to Coffee Time, where I ordered a large coffee. “The first one was the toughest”, I told myself, “you’ve figured out the format.” Now, all I had to do was rearrange 1100 words in 61 minutes. Piece of cake.

One of the more interesting aspects of this exercise – and any similar writing exercise: you have to write more than one punch line. Let me find a quick example…

Here’s an excerpt from a story on CNN.com about Best Buy accidentally listing a 52′ television for $9.99:

Early Wednesday morning, BestBuy.com listed a 52-inch Samsung HDTV for $9.99 — a savings of more than $1600.

As customers jumped on the Web site trying to take advantage of the offer, Best Buy announced it was a “pricing error” and was no longer available.

A recorded message on Best Buy’s customer service line told customers “we will not be placing any more orders for this unit,” and messages were sent on Twitter apologizing “for any disappointment.”

It appears there is little else (customers) can do. A spokeswoman for the Federal Trade Commission that investigates consumer complaints told CNN “The FTC act bars unfair and deceptive commercial practices.” Those would be cases of phony offers or sweepstakes, rather than a mistake, she said.

Punch line #1: An additional report suggested that politicians are looking into a similar line of protection with respect to unrealistic, outrageous and passively insulting campaign promises.

Punch line #2: My goodness. If you can’t trust an international corportaion with a $45,000,000,000 revenue in 2008, then who can you trust?

Punch line #3: Customers became even more enraged when Best Buy offered them a complimentary DVD package that included The Love Guru, Righteous Kill, Jumper, The Happening and the directors cut of 2 Girls 1 Cup. Although, when you think about, a film about eating shit is kind of appropriate.

Writing a punch line at the end wasn’t the only thing I had to do. When necessary, little bits of humor and – more importantly – personality had to be inserted into the body of the story. Otherwise, you’re just reading an AP article on-air. To paraphrase Les Grossman, “a nutless monkey could do that job”.

Long story, long length: I had a blast! What an awesome experience and I can only imagine that the day to day happenings would be a little like walking into my closet and finding Don Draper’s wardrobe.

As per usual, when I get news – good or bad – I’ll share more details.

“Nostalgia – it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels – around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.” – The Great Don Draper

EDIT: The computer that I’m using doesn’t have spell check. I don’t know why. Publishing something without spell check is like purposefully leaving your oven on when you go away for the weekend. (Sorry. I’ll stop complaining.)

EDIT #2: I wasn’t excited – at all – to see The Goods until I read a facebook update from a female friend of mine saying that it was a “stupid, stupid movie”. Now? I can’t wait to see it.

When you see Al Pacino’s name above the title of a film you really do expect it to be something special or at least good right? Of course he has built up a fantastic reputation for himself over the years. But 88 Minutes while he is decent, it really lacks something. What annoyed me the most in this film was the constant phone calls, it was like i’ll call you back then his phone ringing. Just shows how technology can ruin the movies too! While watching I thought Orange had eventually go there wish and a movie revolved around mobile phone conversations. (UK cinema-goers will get this, because of the adverts on before the film starts).

Its a murder mystery which has been done on many ocassions before, I will admit that my guess on who was helping out the convict was indeed wrong but I was pretty close in all honesty. But I did not really care enough about this film to be really that bothered by the ending. I think Neal McDonough makes a very good killer, he really creeps me out. Especially after his character in “Desperate Housewives” he was just a total psycho in that too !!!

So this movie was just really lacking stronger character’s in my opinion, as thinking of the basic plot of a man being told he has 88 minutes to live. That really does sound like it could be a good movie, Pacino wasnt bad, but can he really ever be bad? I was in the minority enjoying “Righteous Kill” and love Pacino in that. But he wasn’t as loveable in this movie. Yes I realise loveable is not the direction in which this movie was going for. However, in a movie like this you really do have to care about the main character’s or it does not work as well. I don’t think some of the support cast were the best picked for this film either, they were just not quite there yet.

Let’s hope Pacino’s next film venture makes up for the bad taste this film leaves in your mouth.

If the rumors are correct, Arnie and Sly will FINALLY be making a movie together, but not how some of us action fans had hoped.  They’re making a Bollywood love flik.  Too little, too late as far as I’m concerned.  But it is what it is.  There is one team up that I personally wanted to see happen more often.  It has happened three times, but not to my satisfaction.  I am speaking of Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro.  I just finished watching Righteous Kill and felt the need to share.  Let’s take a look at all three fliks while we’re at it.

The first time they teamed up was not to my satisafaction for one reason only.  They were in the movie together, BUT never in the same scene.  I speak of course of The Godfather II.  A fantastic movie to say the least.  It only makes sense that Al playing Michael Corleone couldn’t be in the same scene as Bobby D, being that Bobby was playing the young Don Corleone and Michael wasn’t born yet.  Like I said, great movie, but it left that urge in me to see Bobby and Al really do their thing.

It then took 21 years… that’s right 21 …to make another movie together.  Heat.  Not liked by many, but I loved it.  I am not a big fan of caper/heist movies like the Oceans series, or the Thomas Crown Affair, and such.  This was great because it was a caper/heist film of sorts, but felt more like a drama.  As much as I loved it, I was upset they didn’t do it sooner and more often.

This time it took 13 years to make the latest film, Righteous Kill.  I was SOOO excited to see this movie.  Then I saw the reviews.  I thought, “Surely, these are youngsters that have no idea what they are talking about, I’ll see it anyway.”  But then more reviews concurred and people I knew were also confirming the horrible rumors.  ”It can’t be”, I thought.  But alas, I was convinced and postponed the inevitable.  I finally broke down tonight and it’s true.  This was not their best work individually, much less together.  The story was just another “look this way, now that way, and TADAAA” the ending was nothing like what you thought it would be.  This is happening too often I think.  Writers are trying VERY hard to out smart the audience but few writers and directors have the talent to pull it off.

I guess, in the end  I’ll just have to enjoy their individual movies and dream of what could have been.  I was disappointed, but at least I got to see 50 Cent get shot.  *smile*

–

AC

“Righteous Kill : ไรท์เทียชคิล คู่มหากาฬล่าพล่านเมือง” 14 ปีกับการโคจรมาพบกันหลังความสำเร็จของ Heat “โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร” และ“อัล ปาชิโน” 

ภาพยนตร์ที่ทุกคนตั้งตารอคอย!!! “Righteous Kill : ไรท์เทียชคิล คู่มหากาฬล่าพล่านเมือง” ภาพยนตร์แอ็คชั่นทริลเลอร์ที่จะมากระตุ้นอะดรีนาลีนคุณให้พุ่งพล่าน!!! ภาพยนตร์ที่ใช้ทุนสร้างสูงถึง 2,100 ล้านบาท!!! เปิดตัวในอเมริกาเป็นอันดับ 3 บนตารางบ็อกซ์ออฟฟิศ รายได้ ที่ทำรายได้ไป $16.3 ล้าน จากการฉายเพียงสามวันซึ่งถือว่าเป็นหนังที่ทำรายได้เปิดตัวสูงของทั้งคู่ในรอบ 5 ปีเลยทีเดียว ใช้เวลาในการสร้างนับ 10 ปี!!! การโคจรมาพบกันครั้งแรกในรอบ 14 ปี!!! ของนักแสดงเจ้าของรางวัลอคาเดมี อวอร์ด “โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร” (Raging Bull) และ “อัล ปาชิโน” (Scent of a Woman) หลังประสบความสำเร็จจากภาพยนตร์เรื่องดัง “The Godfather: Part 2” และ “Heat” (1995) ภาพยนตร์ที่นำนักแสดงระดับตำนานของฮอลลีวู้ดมาแสดงร่วมกันจนโด่งดังเป็นพลุแตก!!! และนี่เป็นครั้งแรก!!! ที่ “โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร” และ “อัล ปาชิโน” รับบทเป็นคู่หูนักสืบสุดเก๋าฝีมือสุดเจ๋งแห่งนิวยอร์กซิตี้ แถมยังได้ ซูเปอร์สตาร์ฮิปฮ็อป “เคอร์ติส ‘ฟิฟตี้ เซนต์’ แจ็คสัน” (Get Rich or Die Tryin’) มาร่วมแสดงและร้องเพลงประกอบภาพยนตร์ ร่วมด้วยนักแสดงมากฝีมืออย่าง “คาร์ลา กูจิโน” (American Gangster), “จอห์น เลอกุยซาโม” (The Happening ), “ดอนนี วอห์ลเบิร์ก” (Saw II, III, IV) นักแสดงผู้คร่ำหวอดบนเวทีละคร, “ไบรอัน เดนเนฮี” (Death of A Salesman), นักแสดงหน้าใหม่ “ทริลบี้ โกลเวอร์” (The Starter Wife), “ร็อบ เดอร์เด็ค” จากซีรีส์ฮิตทางเอ็มทีวี Rob & Big ได้เข้ามารับบทคาเมโอ พ่วงด้วย “แดน ฟัตเตอร์แมน” (A Mighty Heart) ผู้ได้รับการเสนอชื่อชิงออสการ์จากบทภาพยนตร์ดัดแปลงเรื่อง Capote จากฝีมือการเขียนบทอย่างแยบยลของ “รัสเซล จีเวิร์ทซ์” (Inside Man) อำนวยการสร้างและกำกับโดย “จอน แอฟเน็ต” (Fried Green Tomatoes,Red Corner, 88 Minutes) 
เรื่องราวของสองนักสืบคู่หูที่ได้รับการยกย่องจากกรมตำรวจนิวยอร์กที่เต็มไปด้วยแรงกดดันนานนับสามสิบปี “เติร์ค” (โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร) และ “รูสเตอร์” (อัล ปาชิโน) สองนักสืบรุ่นเก๋าที่ยังไม่พร้อมเกษียณ ขณะเดียวกันก็มีคดีฆาตกรรมอาชญากรต่อเนื่องเกิดขึ้นทั่วเมืองทุกศพล้วนมีโคลงไว้อาลัยบอกสาเหตุที่ควรตาย “คาเรน โคเรลลี” (คาร์ลา กูจิโน)เจ้าหน้าที่ซีเอสไอรู้สึกสนใจคดีนี้ นักสืบหนุ่ม ”เปเรซ” (จอห์น เลอกุยซาโม) และ “ไรลีย์” (ดอนนี วอห์ลเบิร์ก)พวกเขาหวังไขคดีได้ก่อนนักสืบรุ่นเก๋าอย่างเติร์คและรูสเตอร์ ร้อยโท ฮินกิส (ไบรอัน เดนเนฮี) เจ้านายพวกเขาต้องการให้ไขคดีโดยเร็ว เมื่อมีหลักฐานชี้ชัดว่าเป็นฝีมือตำรวจ หลังพบเหยื่อรายแรก “แรมโบ้” แมงดานักสเก็ตบอร์ด (ร็อบ เดอร์เด็ค) ตามด้วยแผนที่จะจับ “สไปเดอร์” (เคอร์ติส ‘ฟิฟตี้ เซนต์’ แจ็คสัน) เจ้าของไนท์คลับ ด้วยความช่วยเหลือของ “เจสสิก้า” (ทริลบี้ โกลเวอร์) ทนายความแมนฮัตตันผู้มีปัญหายาเสพติด พวกเขาจะหยุดยั้งฆาตกรต่อเนื่องรายนี้ไม่ให้ทวงความยุติธรรมได้อย่างไร??? 

ผู้อำนวยการสร้างและผู้กำกับ “จอน แอฟเน็ต” พูดถึงเรื่องราวของภาพยนตร์เรื่องนี้ว่า… 

“มันเป็นเนื้อเรื่องที่น่าสนใจ ทุกอย่างเริ่มต้นจากตัวละครและสถานที่ คุณก้าวเข้าสู่โลกที่ทุกอย่างไม่ได้เป็นอย่างที่เห็น ที่ซึ่งดูเหมือนจะมีกฎที่แตกต่างออกไปและวิธีการเล่าเรื่องก็ไม่เหมือนเดิมด้วยครับ คุณจะเห็นผู้ชายสองคนในนิวยอร์กซิตี้ พวกเขาเป็นนักสืบทำงานในกรมตำรวจมานานโข มีเรื่องราวบางอย่างเกิดขึ้นและพวกเขาก็จะไขคดีนี้ให้ได้ครับ รัสเซลได้เขียนดราม่าตัวละครที่น่าทึ่งขึ้นมา แล้วพอได้นักแสดงอย่างบ็อบ (โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร) และ อัล (อัล ปาชิโน) มารับบทสองคนนี้ เราก็จะได้ตัวละครที่โดดเด่นจนพวกเขากลายมาเป็น ไอคอน เหมือนอย่างที่บ็อบทำในบท ‘เจค ลา มอตตา’ ใน Raging Bull และที่อัลทำในบท ‘ซอนนี’ ใน Dog Day Afternoon ครับ” 

“โรเบิร์ต เดอ นีโร” ให้คำมั่นว่า… “ภาพยนตร์เรื่องนี้เป็นทริลเลอร์ครับ มันมีบางอย่างที่คุณคาดไม่ถึง” และ “อัล ปาชิโน” ก็ยิ้มอย่างมีเลศนัยว่า… “และมันก็ไม่ใช่เรื่องดีไปซะหมดด้วย

Daca tot m-am molipsit de insomnie si ma trezesc in weekend-uri la 6 dimineata, m-am gandit sa povestesc ce filme am mai vazut si n-am apucat sa le fac “autopsia” (scuze, dar aseara m-am uitat la CSI si Minti criminale). O sa le mentionez pe scurt, pentru ca niciunul nu m-a impresionat foarte tare.

The International este despre “banca cea rea” care finanteaza razboaie si acte teroriste si despre doi oameni care incearca sa demascheze si opreasca operatiunile criminale ale acesteia la nivel global: un agent al Interpolului (Clive Owen) si o procuroare (Naomi Watts). Lansat intr-o perioada in care lumea nu prea are o parere buna despre banci, filmul e credibil ca subiect (adica nu ne indoim ca se poate intampla ca o banca sa sprijine financiar diverse acte criminale la nivel international) insa mie mi s-a parut plictisitor ca ritm al actiunii iar cei doi actori nu m-au convins deloc. Desi imi plac amandoi in general, Naomi Watts e complet stearsa si lesinata, iar Clive Owen cade in extrema cealalta, exagerand prea mult trairile si implicarea emotionala a personajului. The International a fost un film care abia am asteptat sa se termine. Booo-ring!

Rocknrolla, in schimb, a avut mai mult “zvac”, insa il recomand doar celor care apreciaza umorul negru englezesc si filmele violento-decadente. Regizat de Guy Ritchie, filmul e un cocktail in care punem un mafiot londonez, un miliardar rus, o banda de infractori, o contabila certata cu legea, doi batausi rusi, un star rock droghi-drog si un tablou scump pe care noi nu-l vedem dar care declanseaza o intreaga nebunie. E un film noir si la propriu si la figurat dar are unele scene la care chiar am ras in hohote. Nu cred ca e genul de productie care sa placa tuturor, probabil mai mult barbatii o vor gusta, dar merita vazut pentru ca e mai altfel, nu se inscrie in niste tipare ras-folosite.

New in Town e exact genul de film facut dupa tipar, care nu iti ofera nicio surpriza. Planuisem sa-l vad pe la inceputul anului insa atunci mersul la cinema s-a transformat in gatit paste quattro fromaggi si de-abia acum am reusit sa-l prind la ”Patria”. Dupa cum ziceam, New in Town este o tipica comedie romantica, in care o femeie plina de succes pe plan profesional, manager la o corporatie cu sediul in Miami, unde traieste o viata luxoasa si se imbraca numai cu taioare sexy si pantofi cu tocuri imposibile, este trimisa la o filiala a fabricii tocmai in Minnesota. Bineinteles, in Minnesota este un frig cumplit si ninge viscolit, iar ea are in bagaj numai pantofi cu toc cui si bluzite cu maneca scurta. In plus, oamenii din orasel i se par niste taranoi ciudati, lucratorii de la fabrica o primesc cu ostilitate si, inca din prima seara, se cearta la cutite cu un barbat necioplit care se dovedeste a fi liderul sindical. De la inceput e previzibila si povestea de dragoste, si faptul ca tipa se va atasa de oamenii de aici si va incerca sa salveze fabrica. Nici la partea cu umorul filmul nu sta prea bine, fazele comice fiind si ele ultra-folosite, iar Renee Zellweger arata de parca i-ar prinde bine un tratament facial.

Am lasat la urma Righteous Kill, un excelent proiect de marketing conceput sa-i aduca la un loc pe Robert De Niro si Al Pacino dar si multe alte fetze cunoscute: 50 Cent, John Leguizamo, Carla Gugino, Donnie Wahlberg etc. Zic “proiect de marketing” pentru ca am ramas cu senzatia ca a fost facut doar ca sa-i puna pe cei doi titani sa joace impreuna si nu neaparat ca sa spuna o poveste nemaipomenita. In doua cuvinte, doi politisti ancheteaza cazul unui criminal in serie care executa infractorii care nu au fost condamnati si lasa la locul crimei o hartiuta cu versuri. De la bun inceput intuim ca unul din cei doi politisti este de fapt criminalul si ca partenerul sau stie asta dar il acopera, iar filmul pune de fapt o problema de etica: daca legea nu te ajuta si nu exista suficiente dovezi sa bagi la puscarie un pedofil sau un violator, e ok sa rezolvi problema intr-un mod “alternativ”? Face ceva rau politistul care impusca pe neve un raufacator care sigur va mai comite si alte crime? Se poate face o intreaga discutie pe tema asta iar filmul ne ofera si un twist la sfarsit care ne permite sa ne mai bucuram inca o data de doua mari performante actoricesti.

Gata, am terminat cu filmele pe ziua de azi. Cred ca m-a apucat si somnul.

Pacino + De Niro + 50 cent + Donnie Wahlberg + the annoying fuck with a suicide-inducing voice which for some reason people enjoy (Leguizamo) + Carla Gugino (you’d recognize her) + Dennehy = a movie pitch made in Hollywood heaven. Unfortunately, these actors signed on to a garbage script with a shit director, because Righteous Kill is a perfect example of great idea with awful execution. In fact, the failing began with the script since it’s obvious from Minute One what the “big twist at the end” is going to be. Here, I’ll spoil it for you and save you the 103 minutes: Pacino’s character did it.

The back of the DVD case proudly states: “The two best actors alive at the top of their games, with a twist at the end that will blow you away [Four stars]!” (CNN, “Larry King Live”). The entire 85-minute buildup paints De Niro’s character as the “bad cop” who has murdered fourteen people (“people” is a stretch: they were murderers, rapists, et cetera). All the connections link De Niro to the killings, and detectives Fuckface and Wannabehisbrother fervently chase De Niro to further cement his guilt. Obviously, as a human being with an intelligence quotient above twelve, I knew De Niro would not end up Mr. Killer. In a film with two iconic actors (arguably the best ever, which I do agree with) where one is innocent, the other must be guilty. Holy shitballs, I solved the case from my memory-foam bed.

Furthermore, Pacino and De Niro are approximately 115 years of age (each) and play characters who are eighty years younger: they pump iron, jump fences, run in gray sweatsuits, and generally appear completely ridiculous while doing it. Additionally, both performances are less believable than Barney is a real T-Rex. Multiple times throughout the film I could swear that De Niro and Pacino had delivered their lines in front of a blue screen and they were spliced together in post-production: they really are that bad! It’s a crime that the first film which features these two legends on screen for significant time (Heat’s scene and Godfather II don’t count) is such a bust; the Chain of Fail is so prominent and robust that Carla Gugino and 50 Cent’s performances were far more believable than Pacino’s and De Niro’s. That’s the real crime, and a legitimate “righteous kill” would be to execute Jon Avnet for his Ultimate Fail: destroying what could have been the greatest cop drama of all time. And as a note, I find it incredibly intriguing that the combined star power of Righteous Kill and Battle in Seattle would be enough to fuel fifteen Grade-A studio pictures and yet both films are pressurized bottles of shit.

Conclusion: 1 of the cliched, trite, and utterly-generic cop characters I found particularly convincing (out of  five)

Explanation: It should have been zero, but it’s a crime not to witness this disaster first-hand.

It’s been awhile since I added a new entry on my Rest Day/Movie day article.  What with my brother getting married    (Hmmm… I’ll really write about it very soon) and all.  Plus my work shift went from good to worst (5 pm to 2 am)    .  I never had the time to sit back, relax and see a film at home.  But now that my schedule at work is bearable now (8 pm to 4 am)  I get to stay up late during my rest days and see a bunch of great films.

So here we go!

Righteous Kill (2008) Starring Robert De Nero and Al Pacino.  Two veteran Hollywood greats!  Directed by Jon Avnet.

The two leads play two veteran cops in search of a serial killer, who by some strange reason decided to go vigilante and kill suspected criminals that were set free by the courts.  This movie got me glued to the screen.!

The plot is engaging and the twist ending is expected you’ll never know who’s who until the very end.  It also features Mixed Martial Artist Oleg Taktarov in a cameo.

A nice film to start my day. 

The Da Vinci Code (2006) The controversial novel by Dan Brown was expectantly made into film three years ago.  Tom Hanks plays every ones favorite  symbologist Robert Landon and cryotologist Sophie Neveu was played by Audrey Tautou.

Robert Langdon was called in by the French police for questioning to gain insights about the mysterious symbols that were found in the murder scene inside the Louvre.  He is aided by Sophie Neveu and the grand daughter of the murdered curator.  Directed by Ron Howard. I think the changes they made in film lost most of the novel’s spirit.

Although the plot never changed, elements in the novel that I think were crucial was removed.  It also stars Ian McKellen, John Reno, Alfred Molina and Paul Bettany.

Star Trek: The Original Series Season 1 (1966)

Okay this is not a movie.  But it’s worth mentioning.  Since watching the latest Star Trek film last week.  I had reminisced about the original series.

So I borrowed my brother’s DVD collection (original I might add) and start watching the good old original series.

It was fun watching classic TV!

You’ll really appreciate the fact that special effects during those days improve so much today,  that because of this. the whole series was digitally remastered and tweak the special effects to make it more viewer friendly.  Starring William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelly as Kirk, Spock and McCoy.

Watch how they turned Star Trek from a Telivision Series into a cultural phenomenon in the US today.

Have you  scene these movies yet? 

(I Know It’s A Little Old, Just Adding Reviews To Their Slots)

Righteous Kill: *

Director: Jon Avnet

Stars: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Carla Gugino, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, John Lequizamo, Donnie Whalberg

What do you expect when you get two cinematic acting titans, put them in a cop film working side by side and share more than 5 minutes of screen time like everybody was craving for after that 5 minute viewing? Greatness right? I’d expect the same as well. Robert De Niro and Al Pacino who had their first movie together in The Godfather Part II (but never shared the screen together) and after that was in Michael Mann’s 1995 film Heat (which they only shared the screen for a short scene) are now side by side in feature length this time with Righteous Kill….too bad the final product of this film isn’t very Righteous.

From Jon Avnet who got lucky with Fried Green Tomatoes and most recently made one of Al Pacino’s worst movies with 88 minutes comes a story on two old school cops named Turk (De Niro) and Rooster (Pacino) chasing down a serial killer who only goes after criminals but since all of them are in a way connected to the two cops, especially Rooster who’s a hothead for criminals, the rest of the team (including Rooster’s flame played by Carla Gugino and two other detectives played by John Leguizamo and Donnie Whalberg) are ready to believe Rooster is the killer. Practically everyone in this movie is sleepwalking through their lines except Gugino who really flaunts the sexy that she obviously has. Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson plays Spider, a club owner who’s also a pretty ruthless evil drug dealer, too bad he doesn’t really know how to act to show us how evil the character is. Jackson needs soem acting lessons ASAP if he really wants to continue his career because I think he actually has gotten worse than his first feature length flick Get Rich Or Die Trying and that one is loosely based on his life. It’s sad to see these two titans with such great performances to be remembered really amounting to this louzy quality script and director. I hope they find something else to work on together so they can really show the game what it’s all about, I know they got it in them.

But all in all, everything is as predictable as Avnet’s earlier flick 88 Minutes, it tries to make you think that one person’s the killer altough you can guess who it is on the five minute mark, alot of questions get asked, alot of nonsense comes from different angles, alot of unimportance really embarks but it is a little more entertaining than 88 Minutes if you just don’t think about it much, in the end this is no Righteous Kill. Not for anyone.

Описание Фильма:
Оригинальное название: Righteous Kill
Название: Право на убийство
Год выхода: 2008
Жанр: Action
Режиссер: Джон Эвнет
В ролях: Роберт Де Ниро, Аль Пачино, Фифти Сент, Донни Уолберг, Карла Гуджино, Джон Легуизамо, Брайан Деннехи, Фрэнк Джон Хьюз, Дэн Футтерман, Марк Фамиглетти
Выпущено: США, Millennium Films

О фильме:
« Большинство уважает значок… Пистолет уважает все»
Неуловимый убийца-мститель с помощью пистолета вершит свое правосудие над преступниками, сумевшими ускользнуть из лап закона. Напарники Дэвид Фиск и Томас Кован получают это запутанное дело. Однако неожиданный ход киллера путает все карты, и друзья оказываются на очень большом подозрении у коллег. Теперь им нужно любой ценой найти настоящего «стрелка», чтобы снять с себя обвинение в серийных убийствах…

Фильм с очень неожиданной развяской сюжета. Игра актеров высший класс)) Улыбнуло пресудствие в фильме “50 Cent’а”, который играл роль наркоборона. Интересно, его позвали или он сам напросился?
В общем сюжет такой: кто-то истребляет людей, повинных в смерти порядочных граждан, не оставляя никаких следов, только никрологи на бумажке рядом. Все идет к тому, что кроме полицейского этого никто не мог сделать,но кто?… это и предстаит узнать зрителю:)
Мой приговор фильму – смотреть можно!=)

• 65 Body Of Lies (Ridley Scott, 2008). Derde keer op rij dat Russell Crowe mag opdraven in een film van Scott. De vorige keer was dat aan de zijde van Denzel Washington in het uitstekend epos American Gangster. In Body Of Lies is dat met Leonardo DiCaprio. Goed volk voor en achter de camera dus, maar de film is nergens meer dan een degelijke actiethriller met een paar onwaarschijnlijke verhaallijnen die nergens een geheel vormen. ‘t Ziet er allemaal wat flashy uit, een beetje à la The Kingdom, maar als puntje bij paaltje komt wordt duidelijk dat het vooral veel lawaai is, maar weinig inhoud. (**1/2)
• 66 Righteous Kill (Jon Avnet, 2008). Hier nog beter volk voor de camera, zij het dat de heren De Niro en Pacino het voorbije decennium amper zijn opgedoken in films die echt de moeite zijn. Toen ze een scene kregen in Heat was die ook niet meteen het hoogtepunt van de film, maar nu is er gewoon geen sprake van scènes die de moeite zijn. Flauwe plot, eenzijdige acteerprestaties, lullige dialogen. (*1/2)
• 67 Jaws (Steven Spielberg, 1975). Altijd een goed teken als je je tijdens het bekijken van een film nog perfect kan herinneren hoe het was om die voor het eerst te zien. Dat was ergens op een oudejaarsavond in de jaren tachtig en ik dacht dat ik het in m’n broek zou doen. De film is intussen 34 jaar oud en blijft ondanks z’n tekortkomingen (klungelige special effects, wat ongelijk acteerwerk) nog altijd een bijzonder meeslepende, spannende film, met vooral een geweldige soundtrack en finale. (****1/2)

NP: Sonny Rollins – Saxophone Colossus

The previous post about The Spirit and All That Jazz has spurred a post about the worst films I’ve ever seen.  I’m going to post 10.  At least, that’s my goal right now, at the start.  It could gain momentum and be a bit longer list.  We shall see.  They will be in no particular order, though the two already mentioned here would actually be one and two on the list, respectively.  (And, if you read the title you know I expanded to 13.  Sitting here now I can think of a few more, but I’ll stop here.  I’ll save the others for the part 2 list)

As mentioned… The Spirt was bad.  And I mean… bad.  I know, it’s supposed to be stylized.  I get that.  To me, however, it had no style at all.  Run, don’t walk, from this movie.  Spend your time doing something more worthwhile… like mowing the lawn or going to the dentist.  Anything.  Anything would be better.  Really.

This strange, I really can’t stand it, oddity of a film won 4 oscars.  Maybe it’s that I just don’t get it.  Maybe it’s me.  Maybe not.  Either way… All That Jazz was terrible.  Hard to follow.  Choppy.  Uh… just plain… strange.  No other way to put it.  Sometimes I like strange.  Sometimes strange is good.  This was/is not one of those times.

Supernova .  Completely terrible and very disappointing.  One of those times you think… man, it has good people in it.  Actors I like.  But somehow even they look bad in this movie.  Really bad.  There’s nothing much more I can say about this other than… ew.

Event Horizon.   Sam Neill.  Laurence Fishburne.  Worse than terrible.  Not only was it bad it was, to me anyway… disturbing.  Which maybe it was supposed to be.  Whatever.  I’ve seen plenty of movies that were slightly disturbing, or even a lot disturbing, and they weren’t bad.  They were disturbing, but that was OK because it was part of the story or moved it along.  This… disturbing for no damn good reason.  Creepy in a I have to take a shower now kinda way.  Avoid this film.

Max Payne.  I don’t even really know what to say about this movie.  I was excited to watch it… and then we did.  All the best parts were shown on the previews.  Now, looking back on actually watching it, I can’t even remember the movie all that much.  I just know we were like… uh… that was not good.

Chapter 27.  I thought… wow, this could be interesting.  Sadly, I was mistaken.  Not only was it not interesting, it was painfully slow.  Slow and… really slow.  We looked at each other and were like, OK, we have to turn this thing off.  I fast forwarded and watched the last two thirds of this film at high speed, slowing slightly once in awhile to keep up with what was going on.  Which took like a minute or less each time.  This thing is unbelievably shamefully sorry.  The only interesting thing about it is that Jared Leto looked transformed… kudos to him.   However, his weight gain is the only heavy thing this movie carries.  There was no substance to it.  None.  Just creepy looks and… a whole lotta nothing.   Too harsh?  I don’t think so.

Righteous Kill.  Writing… bad.  Directing… not great.  Acting… OK.  Predictability… yes.  This film, on the surface, would seem to be a winner all around… good actors, good director, etc.  But, it’s not.  And in fact, it’s silly, predictable, over the top, and just plain uninteresting.  Another film we fast forwarded through because we couldn’t take it at normal speed.  I would’ve turned it off completely, but I had to see the end to make sure the bad guy was who I knew it was after watching the first 10 minutes.  It was.  Skip this.  Even DeNiro and Pacino can’t save this terrible excuse for a movie.

Margot At The Wedding.  I hate it when I like no one in a movie.  When there doesn’t seem to be one redeeming person.  For me, this film was like that.  I didn’t enjoy a single line of it.  After watching this movie, and again, we fast forwarded through much of the end of it, I felt ucky.  Annoyed.  Like someone had robbed me of a small amount of time in my life and I was perturbed about it.  In fact, I still feel perturbed just thinking about it.

In Bruges.  It could just be me, but this movie was awful.  Again, I liked no one.  The shots, all puns intended, at humor were not funny.  Though maybe it was just my sense of humor, which this film didn’t even touch, that made me want to throw a shoe at the screen.  I don’t know.  I couldn’t believe how bad this thing was for me.  I watched and then just wanted to say what was the point of that?  There are films where it’s OK to ask that fateful question at the end… then there are films like In Bruges.

Freedomland.  I thought… good actors.  Come to think of it maybe I should stop right there to say that possibly I shouldn’t always see a movie because of the actors involved, but a girl has to have some way, some criteria for picking films to watch, and that’s one of mine.  Sue me.  But I digress… back to the movie.  It lumbered.  It was like walking uphill in water.  Slow and painful.

The Assassination of Jesse James by The Coward Robert Ford.  This movie is beautifully shot, I’ll give it that.  It’s gorgeous in fact.  However, that’s the only thing it has going for it.  Other than, alright, OK, the acting in it is also pretty good.  I just didn’t like it.  Talk about watching paint dry.  By about half way through I was like… this thing is beautiful, but c’mon already, shoot him.  Get it over with.  That, to me, is never a good sign.  One should never be thinking get it over with already while watching a movie.  Plus… could there be any longer or worse title for a movie than this?

I Heart Huckabees.  Huh?  Just plain not awesome.

Layer Cake.  To much.  Over the top.  Kinetic, not in a good way.  One of those films where you aren’t on the edge of your seat, you’ve fallen off.