WARNING: The following blog is extremely bitchy and features a pretentious college student endlessly ranting about two movies he loathes deeply. Just to clarify I will not look down on you if you do like either of these films and state your opinion in a respectful manner. After all debating is the heart and soul of internet blogging. Finally, I promise that after this blog I will NEVER complain about Transformers or the Twilight Saga EVER again (maybe).

2009 was a fantastic year for movies. Films like District 9, (500) Days of Summer, Paper Heart and Where The Wild Things Are are just a few of this year’s best. Too bad you didn’t see any of them. I mean who can blame you? Aliens as a metaphor for genocide? Awkward, homely teenagers making a “documentary” about love? CGI creatures having dysfunctional problems instead of making fart jokes? …A woman breaking a man’s heart? These ideas just seem dumb, catered for those emo-hipster kids out there with their Fall Out Guys and Radiofaces. I just want entertainment. And frankly there is nothing more entertaining than A) Random explosions, racist robots and over-the-top hot girl eye candy to the sounds of horrible pseduo-alternative rock or B) Two shirtless guys awkwardly fighting over a depressive biopolar ****tease of a drama queen.

These were the movies we Americans spent millions of dollars on this year rather than films that were both entertaining and intellectually rewarding. But don’t cry for the District 9s or (500) Days of Summers. No. Cry for the audiences and die-hard fans of Transformers and New Moon. They’re killing mainstream American filmmaking and don’t even care. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I just lost touch with the mainstream film. Maybe I’m simply overreacting that my favorite films didn’t get the attention they deserved. After all, lazy filmmaking have existed since the beginning of the Blockbuster in the mid-70s when production companies realized that visual effects can mask any of the film’s flaws. Movies like this will always exist whether I like it or not. I don’t expect this blog to change anyone’s opinions cause it won’t. Twilight fans will always love Twilight. Transformers fans will always love Transformers. There’s nothing wrong with that. This is just an over-the-top story of a confused film buff, wondering if nonsensical explosions and hot guys whetting the romantic appetite of awkward tweens is what our generation of film goers really want to spend 8+ dollars on. So let’s get this trainwreck of a rant a rolling.

400 Million Gone To Shia Lebouf and Robots Trying to Save The World… or Something

When you think about it, the Transformers movies are some genius metaphor. Think about it. This, along with Nascar and MTV, represents everything morally and intellectually wrong with our society. It’s like Michael Bay might be revealing our cultural shortcomings through explosions… might be. Revenge of the Fallen has it all: racism, immature humor, caring about sexuality and violence over things that actually matter, this movie has it all. I’ve always tolerated Michael Bay. Sure his movies suck and they usually put me to sleep cause of their profound boredom, however, there’s always a scene in each film that intrigues me and makes the movie much less horrible. For example, while 75% of Pearl Harbor was a chore to watch, the action scene was fantastic. Even Bad Boys II which I consider one of the worst films ever had an awesome chase scene. So, what was the money shot for Transformers 2? Well… there’s this one part in the beginning where a Autobot does a backflip while cutting a Decepicon in half and then says to himself, “Damn, I’m good.” Those 30 seconds were pretty awesome because it was probably the only time (thanks to slo-mo) that you can tell who’s blowing up who in this movie. Yeah there’s a lot of action. But there’s so much and it’s all so compressed that eventually, it doesn’t really mean anything.

There’s so much cliched Bayism related atrocity in this film. It takes everything you hated about other Bay films and amplifies it. Remember the 5 minute joke of rats doing it in Bad Boys II? Well in T2, there’s a 10 minute joke  with dogs doing it while Shia’s parents make “really funny” comments about sex. You know how every Bay movie has an overload of hot chicks? Well in this movie, Shia goes to a college that is populated ENTIRELY of hot chicks. Seriously? Not one ugly chick or even average looking chick? They’re all hot? Is the freshmen 15 or eating yourself out of depression nonexistent in this school? Now Michael Bay is not only a bad director but he’s a straight up liar. Remember how stereotyped Jazz was in the first Transformers movie? Well T2 has TWO stereotypical robots, Mudflap and Skids, that are far more racist.

I mean the fact that there’s this much low-brow stereotyping in a mainstream American film in 2009 is flat out embarrassing. Sure this probably wasn’t intentional. I doubt George Lucas sought out to offend Jamaicans and Asians and Jews in Phantom Menace but still… no one at Dreamworks thought this would be offensive?

The rest of the film is filled with a plot that only arises an hour into the movie, robots with genitals, jokes about said robots with genitals, slo-mo shots of Megan Fox in sexy poses and the human actors trying to act. Oh yeah and there’s a Decepticon that turns into a dog and another that turns into a hot chick.

All in the name of entertainment.

When Awkward Sexual Fantasies Becomes A Cultural Phenomenon…

I think I knew Bella Swan in high school. Actually, I think we all knew Bella Swan in high school. She was the crazy girl who thought her life was a complete tragedy despite the fact that so many people care about her. She is the Holden Caulfield of modern literature (if you even consider these books literature). But Holden complained about being surrounding by a culture that he didn’t connect with; a world of “phonies” as he called it. He had an existential crisis which while annoying on paper, we do relate to him. Bella Swan is just as crazy and even more annoying but what’s her poison? What causes her emotional and mental downfall? Well, she’s just having a hissy fit because her vampire boyfriend won’t love her forever.

This is why I hate this “franchise”. It’s enveloping a melodramatic abortion of a plot that’s living proof why many people think are generation is mentally fractured. I read excerpts of the book and I’ve seen this before, all over the internet. It’s a longwinded livejournal entry but Meyer just replaces every time they say “boyfriend” with the word “vampire” or “werewolf”. It’s a socially awkward high school whinefest and it’s the biggest “saga” of our generation. Awesome.

Then there’s the movies. All of the aspects that make a film noteworthy (acting, superb dialog, intriguing plot, profound themes, deep mythology, even eye-scorching visuals) are completely removed. The ONLY reason New Moon and it’s predecessor Twilight are popular is because 1) It stars two hot guys and 2) It caters to awkward romantically-challenged tweens. That’s why I hate these movies. That’s why I complain about them as much as I do. I’m an aspiring filmmaker and I’m going into a field where the only thing that matters now is providing fodder for teenage girls that are so riled in pop culture, they’re delusional and have no concept between what’s real and what’s fantasy. It’s embarrassing.

But I know what you’re thinking. “If this film had hot girls you’d have no problem with it. Guys objectify girls with porn all the time.” I guess you’re right. I mean what do I know, I’m a man. I’m emotionally crippled, I only care about sports and porn, I think with my penis 100 percent of the time and I’m very, very stupid…

But I guess I would enjoy female nudity in a movie but that doesn’t make that movie better by any standards. Zombie Strippers was 75% naked women and I still hated it. And I don’t mean to put sexism into this but if guys across America were flocking to see a movie where a man was seduced by busty vampires and werewolves: you’d all think it’s perverted.

Which comes to my next point, one that makes the Twilight craze understandable. Twilight, in a way, is girl porn; it provides romantic fantasies the same way pornographic films do. Many girls, at least the mature, sane ones, who watch/read Twilight know it’s not necessarily good by traditional standards but they find it entertaining and romantically interesting. For the most part, girls will like any romantic movie. And this I have no problem with. There are plenty of films that I know are bad but still enjoy because they give me what I want: action/gore/some form of zombies. Same goes with girls who watch New Moon but instead of action they get romance.

This is where I defend the fanbase against people who go out of their way to bash and insult the fans. It’s too far. The worst I did was when I saw The Blind Side a few weeks ago, a girl seeing New Moon walked past and said, “I’m gonna scream so loud when Jacob comes in”. I light-heartedly mocked, “OMG me too.” She looked at me and laughed. I laughed back and gave each other a look of “let’s agree to disagree”. That’s the worst I’ve EVER done to a Twilight fan because I can never make fun of someone’s hobbies (I’m a 20 year old who still plays Pokemon). So when some guy pretentiously tells people before a fake screening that you’re a loser if you like this movie, you’re embarrassing yourself. Sure I hate this movie but I would NEVER make someone feel bad because they like something I don’t. My girlfriend likes Twilight and sure I tease her now and then but in a joking *nudge nudge* kind of way. Her liking the books/movie never interfered with our relationship because while I may be an elitist, I’m not a douchebag.

However, the point where the Twilight love gets out of hand (again) is when the fanbase considers this to be a valuable movie/book franchise; a saga. If Twilight is in a way considered “girl porn”, then any attempts of calling it a saga are laughable. I doubt even the most socially inept porn addict would consider the Busty MILF series a saga. I love bad/entertaining movies but I would never even think that a Sci-Fi Channel movie deserves Best Picture for MTV Movie Awards or People Choice Awards, especially since there are other titles that deserve the title of Best Picture far more.

But let’s face it. This franchise isn’t going anywhere, no matter how much I complain. So, I’ll enjoy my comic books and video games. The awkward men can enjoy their porn collection and the awkward girls can enjoy their sparkly vampires.

So now that I got that out of the way, I will never complain about this series ever again… well maybe until Eclipse comes out.

An obscure sighting, yes. But there he was, David Furnish aka Mrs Elton John, in the flesh. How many years have I been looking at him in the social pages wearing velvet jackets and hugging Liz Hurley ? And here he is beside me at the counter paying for his things as I am hastily paying for mine. He pays with a Gold American Express card, and I pay with a transparent blue debit card.  I’ve gotto say he’s way more handsome than he appears in pictures. And very masculine too. I was quite surprised by him. He’s def got the smell and sheen of money.  This has been a lousy star-sightings weekend for  us. We’ve seen C and B listers all weekend. David Furnish takes the cake. Anyway, we did see NEW MOON today in the Dome at Arclight, and what saves this film from being absolute drek, is the two leads. They really do have chemistry and they avoid the cliches every time. They are genuinely cool and it translates to film. I am so old that I don’t even know their names, and they are the biggest stars in the world right now. He is on the cover of at least 6 magazines this month, including a cover with her for Harper’s Bizaare. Beautiful. They are super dashing, I am too jetlagged to write much more of this drivel. Sorry.

This is the second of three articles recalling hunting and fishing activities of many years ago in the Carleton Place area.

A century ago in the Eastern Ontario paradise for hunters and fishermen which extended throughout the then united counties of Lanark and Renfrew, locally organized action already was under way to protect wild animals from wasteful destruction.  Its first supporters, as mentioned in the preceding instalment of these stories, were a few foresighted hunters and other leading citizens of Carleton Place, Pakenham and Almonte. 

Later, with a spreading realization of the economic and esthetic benefits to be gained by men from his protection of wild birds and animals, there came a gradual revulsion against wanton slaughter in the forests, fields and lakes.  Among the victims, the long-extinct passenger pigeon still was shot here in numbers in the early 1880’s, as shown by reports of partridge and pigeon hunting in the townships bordering the Mississippi Lake.

First Finds of Indian Relics

Of the native Indians who a hundred and fifty years ago had been almost the sole inhabitants of the Lanark and Renfrew area, only a few stragglers still remained seventy-five years ago in Lanark County.  One of district’s first residents to record his interest in the excavated relics of the reign of the Indian hunter was Andrew Bell, a son of the Rev. William Bell of Perth.  In the early settlement days here he wrote in a letter:

“All the country hereabouts has evidently been once inhabited by the Indians, and for a vast number of years too.  The remains of fires, with the bones and horns of deers round them, have often been found several inches under the black mound. .. A large pot made of burnt clay and highly ornamented was lately found near the banks of the Mississippi, under a large maple tree, probably two or three hundred years old.  Stone axes have been found in different parts of the settlement.  Skeletons of Indians have been several times found, where they had died suddenly or had been killed by accident in the woods.  One was found in a reclining posture with its back against a hillock, and a rough-made stone tobacco pipe lying beside it.”

Another Pioneer Conservation Society

The wild life conservation movement in this district had expanded by the 1880’s to the arousing of organized local support for a wiser harvesting of most of the usual products of rod, gun, spear, trap and net, and for protection of other obviously harmless or beneficial wild creatures.  Carleton Place Herald editor James Poole in an editorial of nearly a hundred years ago already had claimed any man who would shoot a robin or other songbird would be capable of robbing his grandmother or of committing any other crime or rascality.

An organization in Carleton Place with these newer ideas for the conservation of practically all main forms of wild life was formed in 1884.  Under the title of the Carleton Place Game, Fish and Insectivorous Birds Protective Society it continued to operate for some years.  Original officers of the group were William Pattie, president ; Jim Bothwell, vice president ; Walter Kibbee, secretary-treasurer, and committee members John Cavers, Tom Glover, John Moore, Jim Morphy and Jim Presley ; elected at a May meeting in the old fire hall on Bridge Street, when a constitution drawn up by Robert Bell was adopted.  Other members pledged to support the rules of this pioneering wild life protective society were William Beck, Peter Cram, Jim Dunlop, John Flett, David Gillies, Charlie Glover, Tom Hilliard, Archie Knox and Tom Leaver ; Hugh McCormick, William McDiarmid, Hiram McFadden, Jim McFadden, Jim McGregor, George McPherson, William Neelin, Robert Patterson and William Patterson ; Dr. Robert F. Preston, Alex Sibbitt, William Taylor, William Whalen, Will R. Williamson, Alex Wilson and Joe Wilson.  Out of town sportsmen among the first members were Duncan Campbell, John Gemmill, D. G. MacDonnell and Tom Mitcheson, all of Almonte ; Jim Rogers of Montreal and R. W. Stevens of Ottawa.

At this time fishing on Sundays was illegal here as well as hunting on Sundays.  Only about five of these men were said to be still living in 1928 when a story recalling the formation of the Carleton Place wild life protective society of 1884 was published.

A social event sponsored by the Society in its first year was a steamboat excursion to the present Lake Park, then noted as “the old Regatta Grounds.”  The “Morning Star” and her two barges, with a number of skiffs in tow, carried three hundred people to the picnic ; which featured a rifle shooting competition, a baseball game, tug of war and track events, croquet, boating, and dancing to the exhilarating airs of the Willis bagpipes.

Game Law Enforcement

Two unfortunate Indians were among those who felt the first punitive effects of the new society’s protective activity.  This local story was published in October of 1884:

“Last Wednesday two Indians from St. Regis were about to pack up and leave their camp between Appleton and Almonte, on the Mississippi River, when a representative of the Carleton Place Game, Fish and Insectivorous Birds Protective Society appeared on the spot and confiscated a number of muskrat skins.

The fellows had been warned by the Society to desist trapping the animals until November.  The two offenders were brought to Carleton Place.  They had in their possession 126 muskrat skins, one mink skin and one raccoon skin.  The taking of the latter is not an offence.  The poor fellows were in most destitute circumstances.

The magistrate inflicted a fine of $10 and costs and the skins were confiscated.  They doubtless intended to do the river above Carleton Place at once, as has been their annual custom.  The Protective Society is extending its influence very rapidly in all directions from Carleton Place, having a good representative membership in many points at a distance.”

Duck Shooting Toll

Ducks in the 1890’s remained abundant and were shot by the hundreds by the most experienced hunters.  An 1890 published report of two Carleton Place duck hunters’ successes gave totals early in the season of 200 birds for one and 272 for the other, with one shooting 154 ducks in three days in a northerly expedition.  Heavy tolls by the relatively small numbers of hunters seemed to make little impression on the duck population.

Robert Patterson at the New Moon Premiere wore his hair in his classic disheveled style that has made his distinctive look famous. At iDaburn salon we would achieve this look by razor cutting to loosen out the natural weight of your hair. Make sure to leave the perimeter with some length to add to the looseness of the style.

To style, add some Bumble and Bumble Sumo Wax or Styling Wax if your hair is finer and spread it evenly throughout. Then just groom into position.

Taylor Lautner has thick straight hair so a razor cut suits this style best. Most men aren’t as fortunate as Taylor so stick to a cut with the scissors but make sure to have plenty of textured added.

To style this look, mix Bumble and Bumble Brilliantine with Sumotech to give you the perfect shine with a solid texture.

Kirsten Stewart went for a modern take of the Prom Hair which captured her very prominent wild side with a sophisticated rocker feel.

To get the look, pre-dampen your hair with Bumble and Bumble Prep and Thickening Hairspray for texture and volume.

Then diffuse the hair until dry and use a 1″ curling iron in vertical sections randomly throughout the hair.

Add Bumble and Bumble Brilliantine all over in large twisting motions to maintain a chunkier look. Add Hair powder to the roots for a more secure feel.

Twist random sections from the front and temples and secure with bobby pins and spray to finish.

Yaaa I know, the book is better. But with most movies isn’t that always the case. For people who have never read the book this movie will be a little hard to follow and seem a little unblievable. There needs to be a little more character development on the Jacob character and the Volturi for things to really make sense and seem believble. For someone like me who has read all the books the first movie was so dissappinting, and after watching it I decided that it had nothig to do with the book. New moon will definitely feel like a step up for people who have read the book and for those who have just watched the movies. For starters the acting doesn’t feel so strained. This movie picks up where the other one left off and doesn’t really go into much detail about what has hapened previously. So before seeing this you might want to refresh your memory by skimming through the book or rewatching Twilight. Over all I do believe this was a better attempt to try to capture what Stephanie Meyer has written in the books, but I also be believe there is still a ways to go. Maybe by the fourth movie they will get it right.

We’ve got another Burst of News coming your way early next week, but this is something we just felt we couldn’t keep bottled up all weekend.

According to Volvo, angsty douchebag vampire Edward Cullen, of Stephanie Meyer’s stupefyingly poorly written best-selling Twilight series, is the ideal Volvo owner. As such, in the upcoming future Razzie-nominated blockbuster adaptation of New Moon, Edward (bet he hates it when you call him Eddie) will be driving a Volvo XC60 sport-utility vehicle.

Yes, folks, you read that right. A passive-aggressive, pasty, teenage bloodsucker is the exact sort of person Volvo cars wants to be identified with.

With hair like that, you'd think he drove a convertible.

A vampire who’s not only so pathetic and filled with self-loathing that he refuses to consume human blood, but jerks around the girl who’s in love with him, breaking her heart and refusing to let either of them be happy. (Dude, if she wants to be a vampire, let her be a vampire! Especially since “being a vampire” is no different than “being Clark Kent on Smallville,” except your skin sparkles.)

A vapid, two-dimensional creation from the masturbatory fantasies of a middle-aged Mormon mother who never so much as wrote a short story before drafting a cliched, anti-feminist, conservative piece of  drivel that, despite demonstrating the same level of writing skill as slightly-better-than-average Supernatural fan fiction, became a series of novels that spent almost two whole years atop the New York Times bestseller list, causing far superior writers who have been questing quixotically for years for a mere modimicum of her success to debate whether the Colt .45 they reach for should be in malt liquor or firearm form.

Volvo claims Eddie identifies well with their vehicles because he is “a nurturer” and cares about keeping the people he loves safe, while still seeking something good-looking. (After all, he is not-banging Kristen Stewart.) I say, emasculated bipolar monster , nurturer – po-tay-to, po-tot-o.

Man, first they're associated with sushi-eating lefties, then "vegetarian" vampires. When will Volvo find owners who like red meat?

You know who would make a great character for Volvo to hook their wagon to? Thor. Incredibly powerful, well-spoken, flowing hair, an enormous hammer capable of bringing down lightening or splitting through dimensions – and he’s Norwegian to boot. You think Eddie Cullen has as much Swedish heritage in his corrupted veins as The Mighty Thor does?

(And don’t give me that “Edward’s pale enough to be Swedish” shit, cause I ain’t buying it. He’s a vampire. If he was one bit Norwegian, he’d be living up there from October to March. I read 30 Days Of Night. I know how vampires think.)

There’s a Thor movie headed for theaters in 2011. Maybe Saab will be smart enough to snap up the sponsorship rights to that one. I can see it now: “My evil half-brother Loki has stolen Mjolnir, robbing me of my ability to fly! Quick – into that Saab 9-5! We might not catch him – but with a turbocharged engine, we’ve got half a chance!”

Here's a much better character to associate your brand with - someone who beats blind men and cross-dressers to death with a hammer!

And on a completely unrelated note, here’s a quick video of a man in Texas driving his Bugatti Veyron into a lake. He claims he was startled by a “low-flying pelican.” Personally, I think he just heard Volvo wants to be identified with Twilight.

Attention all Twilight Lovers! OK Magazine, got the Inside Scoop on Rob and Kristen Vancover Apt

But I Hate tests…

They really get on my nerves. For some reason I can tell someone all the answers to the test and I’ll still screw my test all up. *sigh*

I probably won’t write much this week as I’ve got family up and I want to spend time with them. But I thought I’d write a short little something today

How many of ya’ll are Twilight fans? (My cred’s prob. gonna drop just writing that)

Well I’ve read the books. And went to the midnight showing of the movie.

And I have to say….

I HATED the movie. It sucked!! They screwed so much up it kinda hurt to watch…

I only liked TWO of the characters. Alice and Jasper.  All of the other one’s are screwed up.

I have no idea how anyone could find Robert Patterson attractive.

EW.

SO Did you love the movie? Hate it? Love RP like a fat kid loves cake?!

Then post a comment!!

Krist

Okay so here’s the trailer for New Moon, the second film to be made from the series. Coming to our screens on the 20th of November, the film is widely awaited by many.

Personally for me when reading the series, I found that this was too be the worst book, so I’m hoping that they can make the film better. The trailer looks good, however most trailers look good because I feel they take the best bits. Let’s hope that this film lives up to expectations.

The greatest movie in human history will be in theaters November 20th!!!!!!!

Published: August 14, 2009

Rashied Ali, whose expressionistic, free-jazz drumming helped define the experimental style of John Coltrane’s final years, died Wednesday in Manhattan. He was 76.

The cause was a heart attack, said his wife, Patricia Ali.

Mr. Ali, who first encountered Coltrane in their Philadelphia neighborhood in the late 1950s, made the leap from admiration to collaboration in the mid-1960s, when he joined Elvin Jones as a second drummer with Coltrane’s ensemble at the Village Gate in November 1965.

Mr. Ali recorded with Coltrane and Jones on the 1965 album “Meditations” and, after replacing Jones as Coltrane’s drummer, on the duet album “Interstellar Space” (1967), one of the purest expressions of the free-jazz movement.

“I didn’t know what it was, but he called it multidirectional rhythms,” Mr. Ali said of his drumming in an interview for the documentary “The World According to John Coltrane” (1990). On Mr. Ali’s Web site, rashiedali.org, Rashid Ali’s Web site his playing is described as “a multirhythmic, polytonal propellant, helping fuel Coltrane’s flights of free-jazz fancy.”

The obituary continues here at THE NEW YORK TIMES ONLINE.

So we found this cute little tween while surfing www.thecobrasnake.com…check her out and tell us why you think we are so obsessed. bc WE have no freeking clue:

Heres a few more from the same freaky tween concert

          OH and a picture of ROBERT PATTERSON increase blog traffic

ROBERT PATTERSON ROBERT PATTERSON ROBERT PATTERSON ROBERT PATTERSON ROBERT PATTERSON ROBERT PATTERSON

Hii,

OMG Im soooo luving the nw stardoll hair:

Christina Milan

Amy Winehouse

Unknown but its horribly ugly

Nicole ritchie

Robert Patterson (Twilight/Harry Potter dude)

Agy Degn

This is all for . .

Lel1996

xoxoxo

Get ready Twilight Fans, you asked for images of “New Moon”, the new “Twilight” movie, so here they are, a full collection of images from a lot of websites. Enjoy!

Also the filmation of the 3rd episode called  “Eclipse” will start the next Agust 17. (We will follow all the info of this)

The New Moon cast: Robert Patterson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz and Dakota Fanning and it will be directer by David Slade (Hard Candy, 30 days of night)

This movie will see the light the next 19 November 2009 in Australia

Actually, I just wanted you to read this article about a cipher found in Jefferson’s correspondence.  A Princeton mathematician has cracked it using a computer algorithm, and it’s pretty interesting stuff.

This is one sub-discipline of history I won’t be working in anytime soon, and anyone who’s seen my math scores on the GRE can attest to it.

Thanks to Neela Vaswani for pointing this out to me.  (I mean pointing out the article, not the fact that I can’t do math.)

… with a nice Independence Day twist.