WORD

mortify [mawr-tuh-fahy] v. (used w/ object) 1. to humiliate or shame, as by injury to one’s pride or self-respect 2. to subjugate (the body, passions, etc.) by abstinence, ascetic discipline, or self-inflicted suffering 3. Pathology. to affect with gangrene or necrosis ∞ v. (used w/o object) 4. to practice mortification or disciplinary austerities 5. Pathology. to undergo mortification; become gangrened or necrosed

Note: I am giving the definition of “mortify” because it has been brought to my attention it’s used wrong pretty much all of the time. I have to admit, I learned something new today.

BIRTHDAY

John Labatt (1838), Carlo Ponti (1912), Big Mama Thornton (1926), Rita Moreno (1931), McCoy Tyner (1938), Donna Mills (1942), John Kerry (1943), Brenda Lee (1944), Teri Garr (1947), Bess Armstrong (1953), Jermaine Jackson (1954), Nikki Sixx (1958), Jon Brion (1963), Mo’Nique (1967), Mos Def (1973)

STANDPOINT

This Tiger Woods scandal. Christ.

Thousands of unanswerable questions seem to be flooding the news hourly. None are getting answered.

The facts (maybe) are: (a) At 2am the morning after Thanksgiving, Tiger got into his car and drove into a fire hydrant and then a tree, both within walking distance of his home. (b) His wife reportedly saved him by smashing one of the back windows with a golf club. (c) Tiger didn’t really want to talk about the whole thing, instead he took to dodging police inquiries and issuing vague statements on his website. (d) At least a dozen women jumped out of the woodwork, feeling the sudden urge to tell the world about their sexual misconduct with Woods. (e) Tiger’s mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital with stomach pains that probably had something to do with her son-in-law sleeping with lots of women who were not her daughter. (f) Tiger Woods’ life, no matter how this all plays out, is fucked.

And that sucks for him but he was having sex with hostesses, waitresses and porn stars. Difficult to feel bad for the guy. Difficult, but not implausible. I mean, getting caught for one transgression must be a pretty shitty ordeal. But to get caught having mulitple affairs with at least ten different women within the span of several days? Well, I’m not even sure Bill Clinton could shuck and jive his way clear of something like that.

There is one question, however, I would like answered: Whatever Tiger has done or not done, what’s the difference? How’s it going to change my life?

Sure, it’s interesting to bemoan the current state of a society which seems to (a) shrug its collective shoulders when yet another of its heroes are found to be flawed, and (b) be running out of respectable authority figures and celebrities. We’ve adapted a very another-one-bites-the-dust mentality. Everyone’s rather concerned but no one wholly cares.

There are those overly curious about a situation in which a man who seemingly had everything he could ever want, managed to blunder this bad. People are demanding the truth, soapboxing on the notion we all deserve to know. As usual, the American people want to get down to the bottom of a situation in the interest of mainly being able to say, “I hate my life, but I imagine I’d rather be me than Tiger right now.” It’s always amazed me how determined people are to reveal how fucked up everyone else is.

It’s not like any of it matters.  Woods is under absolutely no obligation to disclose more than he wants. He’s not a politician. He’s broken no laws. In reality, he could pack all ten women he’s been sleeping with into his Cadillac and drive into ten trees. Unless, he’s charged with some sort of crime, he doesn’t have to justify anything. Oh. In addition, he’s also the first billion-dollar athlete, so if O.J. Simpson can kill two people and amble freely out of an actual courtroom, Woods’ gigantic gobs of money will guarantee a night of careless driving and a few years of bad decisions won’t stop him from ambling equally free out the courtroom of public opinion.

Plus, in a few months, possibly a few weeks, everyone will have moved on to the next thing. And I don’t blame it on short memory. Everyone says that and it’s bullshit. The real reason everyone’ll forget about this by the next time Woods steps onto some nationally-televised first tee is once the outrage lessens a bit, most people will start making excuses for Tiger Woods because the execrable things he’s done to his undeserving family will have grown far less significant than the idea of a PGA season without Tiger Woods.

Note: During my research and reading for the above rant, I encountered this piece. As far as I’m concerned, Tiger Woods can do whatever the hell he wants. As long as Glenn Beck is around, everyone else gets a pass.

QUOTATION

The typical gambler might not really understand the probabilistic nuances of the wheel or the dice, but such things seem a bit more tractable than, say, trying to raise a child in this lunatic society of ours. → Arthur S. Reber

TUNE

 Yesterday, I hit up my favorite music store, Main Street Music in Manayunk. (One of the best music shops of all-time, by the way. If you can get there, I highly recommend it.) Anyway, I bought a couple albums. One of them was People Are Soft by local Philadelphia band, The Swimmers. I like the whole album a lot. Go buy it and support your local music scene. Favorite track so far? “Nervous Wreck.”

GALLIMAUFRY

→ For all of out there who wish you could get rid of Facebook forever, there’s now an option. Seppukoo.com is ready to assist you with your virtual suicide. Click here to see how it works.

→ There’s many arguments I can tolerate listening to, no matter how completely wrong they are. But I refuse to hear anyone out who’s not entirely convinced Ted Knight didn’t steal the show in Caddyshack. I know. There are argument to be made for Chevy Chase, Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield. But without Judge Smails (link is a small collection of wavs), it would’ve been a lesser film. Still good. Just not as good.  

→ Do you desire with all your heart to have a chihuahua? All you have to do is get on a plane to California, where the little dogs have become an essential purse accessory to the likes of Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus and a slew of other people who don’t really matter. Animal shelters across the state are reporting chihuahuas make up close to 30% of its inhabitants. Seems even idiots are capable of grasping the notion that, after they take it out of their purse, the dog wants to do all kinds of annoying crap like eat and be taken for a walk.

Rodney with son Brian (L) and daughter Melissa (R) at the 2008 Class-Ee Clam Celebri-Tee Pro-Am charity tournament. The family's poor scores lead spectators to suggest the family should have "stayed home and played with themselves."

(LOS ANGELES) Brian Dangerfield, son and youngest child of comedian Rodney Dangerfield, has been refused enrolment at the prestigious and swanky Respectington Academy.

Declaring the child’s aptitude test results to be “lower than Rodney’s wife at a miners’ convention,” the notoriously exclusive school chose to award the final fall semester spot to the Elysse, daughter of Baron Hoitie of Toitie.

Dangerfield, who earned his fortune through a unique combination of middle-class self-deprecation, ugliness, and sweat, has decried the both the Academy’s decision and the admission process itself.

“I tell ya, place is crookeder than my chiropractor’s spine,” he exclaimed nervously at a sparsely attended press conference.  “You know my chiropractor, Dr. Vinny Boom-Botz?  They got palms greasier’n my wife’s ring finger, it’s so bad.”

The Academy, opened in 1883 in Snobbarino, Nevada, has long educated the children of the world’s most esteemed, regarded status-holders.  A Respectington diploma, or even a single semester’s stay, is seen as an assurance of future adulation, admiration, and cache.

The school is no stranger to the Dangerfield clan.  In 2006, Rodney publicly lamented the Academy’s similar treatment of his daughter Melissa, who was rejected on what the Academy claimed were grounds that she “oughta apply to Westminster, what a mug”.

For Rodney, this defeat is only the latest in a long string of attempts to earn a modicum of dignity and acceptance for himself and his family.  “I tell ya, I get no respect – and my kids, they only get half-a-that.”

Appearing to grow tired and forlorn, Rodney dismissed the entire institution at the end of the press conference.  “I tell ya, the whole place sucks.  Only reason I sent Brian was ’cause maybe I’d buy it.  I’m gonna go lie down.”

Despite his strong stand, his departure from the conference podium revealed a comical amount of sweat to have accumulated in his faded yellow polo shirt and tacky houndstooth trousers.  One witness was heard to remark that Mr. Dangerfield was “sweating like his wife in confessional.”

Professor Earl Grey, dean of Respectington students, denied any unusual antagonism on the Academy’s part.  “Mr. Dangerfield is one of thousands of disappointed parents this enrolment season.  To accuse us of a personal bias against him is simply uncalled for.  Almost as uncalled for, in fact, as his own sex chat line – terrible, I tell ya.”

Dangerfield’s friend Mr. Wang could not be reached for comment.

Once upon a time, rap music was all about legitimacy, beginning with the poet activists of the ’60s and the inner-city residents rhyming about life on the streets of the Bronx in the ’70s and ’80s. Then something happened. Something horrible.

The mainstream media began using rap to push everything on consumers, from rapping Chicken Nuggets to video games. Even white-bread celebs like David Faustino and “Rappin’” Rodney Dangerfield tried their hands at the musical genre. Join us as we take you on a detailed, blow-by-blow journey through Where It All Went Wrong. As with so many things that went wrong, it all ends with Miley Cyrus.

Keep reading to travel through time to see the worst raps in history, covering movies, television, commercials and more.

Our journey begins in 1981. Until that point, rap music had safely been kept in the hands of urban toughs who knew how to keep it cool. White suburban rich kids had never even heard of the style. It would have stayed that way, too, if not for the one location where the dregs of urbania mingle with snotty rich kids: the punk clubs. Enter Blondie.

With her horrible flow in “Rapture,” Debbie Harry put rap on the radar of those who would eventually kill it. However, horrible rap music still hovered below the mainstream bubble. So society turned to its number one ambassador for bringing things from the ‘hood to the picket fence: Mr. T.

Mr. T makes it seem OK, even cool to rap like about how to “treat your mother right.” Soon, every celebrity with a big ego and a dearth of performing talent tried to cold shock the mic, ala Rappin’ Rodney:

Despite all this, shoddily constructed raps were still seen as an art form only good for appealing to children. Awful rap would not take the next step until it appeared on the one medium which interests children and low-functioning adults: football. It’s the 1985 Chicago Bears with the “Superbowl Shuffle!”

Now, all of middle America was exposed to music’s latest art-form-turned-marketing-gimmick. And what a played-out gimmick it became. Nerdy kids bought into it, as evidenced by this “Legend of Zelda” rap.

The Lakers did it, proving they’re the richer, slower guy’s equivalent of the Chicago Bears.

British people who worked on Wall Street bought into it:

This was right about the point where the fad reached its peak of ridiculousness, then began to collapse upon itself like a dying star. This phenomenon was documented in the following video. (The rap starts at 2:20, but the whole thing is hilariously horrible.)

Via: Asylum

While watching Eddie Murphy on Inside The Actors Studio Interview – he said some amazing things which I thought were great for entrepreneurs. When asked by the audience what advice he’d give to any aspiring actors this is what he said:

The advice I would give an actor is not to take any advice from anyone. Because I remember when I was younger, I would ask for advice… because with actors when you make that choice, you know it deep down, and you know in your heart, you know what you wanna do and you know what your abilities are and lots of time advice could screw you up. A great advice story was from Rodney Dangerfield. I did the comic strip in Fort Lauder Dale when I was like 16 or 17 years old and Dangerfield walks in. And the whole room was ‘Oh Dangerfield is here’ – everyone bumped all the comics and no one wanted to go up cause Dangerfield was in the room. And I was so confident back then I was like Mr Dangerfield, I want you to watch my show… I want you to watch.. He said, Oh yeh, I’ll stick around kid. And he watches. And I did my thing, and I was really dirty (with my language) and after the show, he said… ‘Hey kid, you said a lot of bad things there, hey watch your language”. He gave me a big speech about my language and the words I was using, and it really took the wind out of my sails, and I was like WOW, cause I really killed that night…

Then 5 or 6 years later, I’m at the bathroom at Caesars Palace, and Dangerfield comes in and he’s in the urinal right next to me, and I haven’t seen him since that night. I look over and he looks back and said: “Hey, who knew?”

Startup Blog would love to know what advice have you ignored to advantage?

I use the word ‘momentum’ lightly, but the Bruins had shown some encouraging strides in their last four game home stand and seemed poised to continue that upward trend.  So much for trending up. The following two games, at the Pittsburgh Penguins on November 14 and back home against the New York Islanders on November 16, were polar opposites in terms of effort by the Bruins, but both games had the same result: making Bruins fans nauseous.

The Bruins got a point in Pittsburgh, and it was well-earned as they came back from FOUR one-goal deficits to finally take a 5-4 lead with 2:29 remaining in regulation. But they let the win slip away like a fart in the desert as Tim Thomas let in a softie by ex-Bruin Billy Guerin with just under a second left.  Another giveaway  from Thomas in OT secured the two points for Pittsburgh.  Here’s the game summary for those interested…I’m still not ready to re-live this loss.  New Hampshire native Ben Lovejoy  did record his first NHL point in his second NHL game as he registered an assist for the Penguins.

Against the Islanders, the Bruins were so uninspired for such long stretches of the game, I had to check to see if Dave Lewis was back behind the bench.  There were no Bruins highlights. Here’s the game summary….Roloson and Moulson, and some empty Bruins jerseys.

The Bruins are headed on the road until Thanksgiving for four games, starting tomorrow night in Atlanta.  They are currently tied for 11th place in the Eastern Conference, and Bruins fans are sweating like Amy Winehouse  going through customs.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I need a laugh.

CLICK  below to cachinnate:

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]]> http://natsukashi.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/caddyshack-with-cindy-morgan/ Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:00:00 +0000 usesoapfilm http://natsukashi.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/caddyshack-with-cindy-morgan/

Film:
Caddyshack (1980)
Rated: R
Directed by:
Harold Ramis
Written by:
Bryan Doyle-Murray &
Harold Ramis Starring:
Chevy Chase as Ty Webb
Ted Knight as Judge Smails
Rodney Dangerfield as Al Czervik
Bill Murray as Carl Speckler
Michael O'Keefe as Danny Noonan
Cindy Morgan as Lacy Underall
Sarah Holcolmb as Maggie
Scott Colomby as Tony D'Annunzio
The Gopher as Himself

By Pete Hayes

Rodney and his Wang...no offense

Pre-screening memories: My dad was a huge Rodney Dangerfield fan. I remember listening to his records as a little youngster and also enjoying the humor, which balanced observational humor with just the right amount of silliness, which pretty much sums up my sense of humor today.

But while Dangerfield was perhaps the bait, I loved (and continue to love) Caddyshack for the fact that it was a veritable spectrum of comedic styles, each playing to their own strengths. Bill Murray plays the loveable slob he perfected in his days on Saturday Night Live. Chevy Chase was the quip-spouting motormouth he had later honed in the movies. And Ted Knight was the easily agitated time bomb that wrestled (to no avail) to keep a calm exterior.

Bill Murray, who's got that going for him

And, of course, there were the countless one-liners that emerged which were (and still are) repeated every time I strap on the spike and slide out my driver on the course. It is impossible to visit a golf course today without at least one or two scenes or sayings entering my head. I love sports movies, but rarely has one been so completely dominant in my head every time I play the game.

Cindy and Chevy, in a completely improvised scene

New memories: Through the years, I think I have tended to favor one comedian or another from time to time, depending on what stage of life I was in (earlier it was Rodney, later it was Chevy, and perhaps in another few decades it will be Ted), but I lost respect for the others. And I would be remiss if I did not mention our guest for this podcast, Ms. Lacey Underall herself.  Seldom has an entrance into a film been so memorable. Through the years, I may gravitate toward certain comedic stylings, my appreciation for her has remained steadfast. Her addition to the proceedings can not be underestimated, as she provided the perfect balance of sensuality to the silliness.

Caddyshack is rightfully deserved of its inclusion in lists of top comedies of all time, and I can watch dozens of comedies each year, but I am sure it will always remain one of mine.

Download Natsukashi’s ‘Caddyshack’ podcast

Or head to the on-site back nine below:

Our featured guest: Cindy Morgan

Photo courtesy Cindy Morgan

Lacy may not have had all the zingers in Caddyshack, but make no mistake, even though Caddyshack was filled with top-tier comedians, all eyes were on her the moment she sauntered across the green of ???? Country Club.

It was quite an entrance for the former radio girl from Chicago, but she managed to make her mark at this boys club, including standing her ground with one Chevy Chase. It was a daunting task, but one in which helped cement her into iconic status. On film, she went on to create another legendary character, that of Yori in the cult classic Tron.

Currently, Cindy is putting the finishing touches of a coffe table book of her time spent on the set of Caddyshack, which should be released in 2010. Here, she shares some of those memories, including her famous dive into the pool, her mad golfing skills and her tangle with producers which led to her being left off or downgraded on almost all the promotional material of the film.

Thanks, Cindy, for letting us shoulder your bags for a little while here at Natsukashi.

Day 3:

Recent ladybug infestation

We wish we were talking about this ladybug costume

or these ladybug cupcakes

or this 1992 Rodney Dangerfield Ladybug movie.

But we’re YourBoro, and dammit, we deliver the NEWS. Here’s what hundreds of Boro residents have been dealing with for the last week:

People have been complaining about these monstrosities crawling into their homes through cracks in walls and ceilings the last few days. Ladybugs are quite possibly the worst insects for you to have in your home, and here is why.

• They are considered, by most cultures, to be bearers of good luck
• Their only reason for being in your home is to hibernate through the winter, and will not attract any other bugs
• They eat aphids, scales, mites and other small pests

Wait. Sorry, that was a list of GREAT reasons to have ladybugs in your home. Here’s a bad one.

• “In Iran, two Persian words are used [for "Ladybug"] both meaning “shoe cobbler”. There is an old story about a woman who tells her husband upon his return from work that a “cobbler” spent the whole day with her and in fact sat on her lap. Hearing this, he flies in to a rage and kills his unfaithful wife. Just then, he notices a ladybug walking in the room and he cries out “Oh my God, that kind of cobbler”.

So it is entirely safe to assume that ladybugs make people commit murder. They also smell when you crush or swat them. Thus rendering them invincible. If you really want to take your chances and let them crawl around your house, BE OUR GUEST. Just don’t come crying to us when you “accidentally” murder your wife.

Asshole.

Bradley Genser wrote me an email reminding me that “I’m a visual haiku my man.” So here you have it – Bradley Genser, visual haiku. (Note: in this picture he’s doing his very best Rodney Dangerfield impression. No joke.)

Someone recently asked me how I got my amazing sense of humor. I’d actually been asked the question several times before, because my sense of humor is legendary, matched only by my extreme humility. I thought about it carefully, for a whole second, and then told them that it’s really just a self-defense mechanism.

My sense of humor has saved my Life.

It’s just a way of looking at things. I developed it over time from a variety of experiences, most of them quite bitter.  Instead of being angry and sad, I choose to Be Happy and laugh. This laughter is usually internal though, I try to keep a deadpan, clown-like, look on my face. It’s useful when playing Poker too. I see the absurd in situations even when it’s happening to me. The issues underlying my best jokes are usually very serious.

Shakespeare himself realized how closely tragedy and comedy were related that’s why he was able to master both forms. His play Comedy of Errors, for example, tells of a man’s tragic life experiences.

The most serious or tragic experiences can be uplifting if we choose to remain positive. If we continue to search for the Silver Lining in every Dark Cloud. Even heavy topics like Racism and World Wars have been made into the backdrops for comedy. The Jerk, starring Steve Martin, was about a white man who thought he was black and “Allo, Allo” remains a cult favorite worldwide.

I was watching the Jeffersons one night and suddenly realized that maybe 98% of the comedy on TV is just about insulting someone. Seeing someone in a terrible situation or being insulted (and realizing that it’s not us) automatically makes us laugh or feel better.

Even religious leaders and Spiritual Gurus have noticed this aspect of the human condition. In the Book “The Art of Happiness”, the Dalai Lama suggests that comparing yourself to others, worse off than you, will make you feel better. My mom would always notice when I was having a rough time and say “It could be Worse”.

You just fell off your bicycle and broke your arm ? Well smile because it could have been worse.

Some of the greatest comedians in the world are really just magnets for the worst that can happen in any given situation. Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen, Chevy Chase …they all live by Murphy’s Law.

Rowan Atkinson, best known in Jamaica as Mr. Bean, is that rare type of comedic genius who doesn’t even need words to elicit a laugh. Like Charlie Chaplin he gets into ridiculous situations and then his physical exploits and his facial expressions while he tries to get out of the sticky jam invariably leaves us crying with laughter or rolling on the ground.

Peter Sellers, in shows like The Party, adds the aspect of imitation to his Mr. Bean type roles. After Sellers played the role of an Indian man accidentally invited to the Party, his Indian friend Satyajit Ray took offence and never spoke to him again.

That’s the danger of  this type of comedy, those who feel the joke is “on them” won’t find it funny at all. They may even plot some form of revenge, remembering the adage, “he who laughs last laughs best”.

A higher form of comedy is that of Larry David. His show “Curb your Enthusiasm” and his work with the Seinfeld series is classic. It is a brand of humour not based solely on insults or feelings of superiority over others. He uses a shrewd insight into human nature and the absurdity of common place experiences that we can all relate to.

In an episode of “Curb your Enthusiasm”  Larry David dealt with the most serious eternal problem all couples face. No, not problems in communication, finances or sex, he dealt with the real tough one. Men leave the toilet seat up and Women want it down. David’s character actually is a man so lazy that he sits even when he pees and his wife is a drunkard who lifts the seat up because she throws up in the toilet after over drinking. This type of reversal of roles is a key to most great comedy. Of course, the couple now argue because the wife left the seat up.

Jamaica is blessed with great comedians too. Ity and Fancy Cat, Glen Campbell, Oliver Samuels and Simon Crosskill, to name a few.

Simon Crosskill how did he get on that list ? Yes, he may not be slapstick or crude, but he has the insight of a Larry David, the genius of a Dr. Bill Cosby. I think he should do his own Late Night show like David Letterman or Jay Leno. Although Simon’s uncanny chemistry with Neville Bell makes them a great team to watch sadly I usually miss the morning show because of work. He’d do well in his own show. He’s versatile enough to intelligently argue with political guests and sports heroes too.

Simon Crosskill can be very serious at times, during the celebrations of our athletic victories he said;

” As we celebrate the performances of our athletes it would serve us well to remember from whence they came. Remember that next time you are tempted to think you are better than someone, because of how they look, or speak, or which ghetto they come from. Remember that every Jamaican, no matter rich or poor, black brown or white, has the ability to be a world beater, if given a chance to develop his or her talent. Why do so many Jamaicans exist without social and economic benefits ? Some would say most of our people are lazy. It’s a lie perpetuated by those who are unwilling to create policies that would help spread the enormous wealth of this country. Who would dare label Shelly from Waterhouse and Melanie from Maxfield, lazy.But how many of us who have the wherewithal to make a difference even know where Waterhouse is ?”

Serious if and when required, but usually though, Simon Crosskill delivers his insights in a humorous way, sometimes even just  as a question. Like on his Facebook page he once asked, (not in these exact words), “Why is it that you can get everything and anything at a gas station convenience store yet you cannot get air for your tires there ?”. He was highlighting a strange paradox that occurs frequently in Jamaica because our crime rate is so high that people even steal the air hoses from the gas stations.

In Jamaica we realize sense of humor is a means of self preservation that’s why we “tek serious ting mek joke “. Seeing the problems and still being able to laugh while solving them is a very serious business.  The Court Jester must force the King to realize his nakedness. The Motley Fool, comedian, political satirist or clown has the serious task of making us ask why things are the way they are and urge us to seek better. They carry truth into closed minds and enter freely into power circles others would fear to tread.

Without these brave geniuses around we’d probably all just curl up and die after freezing with fear.

Instead, with a sense of humor, we can see the tragic and the painful, perhaps even more acutely than others. We are sensitive to the problems but we are also aware of the power of “reversal”. We know things can change completely and in a flash, one banana peel, one misstep and Goliath will fall. One pie, thrown in the face, of a haughty business man or politician, will show them who is really the don, and even as we seem to lose, or when we’re even forced to cry, we know that we will get the last laugh.

We live by a simple credo, a simple code, one that is difficult to explain, or even understand, at times, given the enormous challenges of life.

Be Happy !!

I hosted a contest and I didn’t even get enough entries to give out all three prizes, but that’s okay. I gave out the two real prizes. I picked the Indian guy first prize, and the lady second. You might wonder if that is biased because I wrote all the jokes for the Indian dude. It is not. Objectively, that video is the funnier of the two, though I enjoyed both efforts. Judge for yourself.

Either way, I am happy with both entries and appreciate them taking the time to enter. I will come up with a better idea for my next contest to increase participant turnout.

Winning Video:

Runner Up:

Congratulations to all our iTunes gift card winners.

Now vote for me on this contest -

www.ommcontest.com/vote/

Sorry folks – the combination of being back at University and working nightly for the Blue Jays meant that I had no time whatsoever to keep this up to date. However, I should be back to updating regularly soon – starting with the usual 360° article tomorrow. There’s obviously been some stuff that, well, you probably haven’t actually missed – but missed me writing about (poor you, I know). The Blue Jays are in their last home-stand of the season, starting it with a three-game sweep of the Baltimore Orioles (the first time they haven’t been on the receiving end of one of those since June, if I’m not mistaken) and have won 2 of the 3 games they’ve played against Seattle – the fourth and their final home game of the season is tomorrow. Their sweep of Baltimore is surely a Rodney Dangerfield special – and a true one too because even I’m not giving them any respect for it. Elsewhere in the Major Leagues – well, most title races are looking exactly the same as they were this time last week, except that the San Francisco Giants have fallen behind in their pursuit of the NL Wild Card; The Rockies still look like favourites by the Atlanta Braves are surging and just three games behind. The only other real news is that since being in Toronto a couple of weeks ago the Minnesota Twins have gone on quite a hot streak, and now trail the Detroit Tigers by only 2 games for the AL Central Title. Oh, and the Blue Jays 2010 schedule has been announced – we’ll be seeing the Giants, Cardinals, Rockies, Phillies and Padres in inter-league play – exciting; if a little terrifying.

Elsewhere in the wide wide world of sports, mid-week play in Serie A saw Roma draw Palermo 3-3 in one of the most exciting (and wet) matches of the year in a torrential Sicilian downpour. Juventus drew Genoa to see them tied atop the table with Inter, who routed Napoli 3-1 at the Stadio San Paolo. Fiorentina ended Sampdoria’s winning streak with a 2-0 win, and Lazio brought me great joy by losing 2-1 to newly-promoted Parma. So much for Italy – but English teams had a hectic week as well – Carling Cup action saw Manchester Utd, Man City, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur move on to the Round of 16 – while Newcastle United were eliminated (thus making fat shirtless Geordies everywhere cry their eyes out). Nothing else really interests me in football – and I’m waiting ’til tomorrow to report today’s games – so, ’til tomorrow.

Check it out, new entry to the Rodney contest!

There’s still 2 weeks left in the contest, so be sure to get your entries filmed and in soon by posting them as a response here:

My Car Can’t Get No Respect

Yoga Problems, Inc. Part 1.

Yoga Problems, Inc. Part 2.

I will be the first to admit that this makes no sense at all. Though I spent an equal amount of time on this one, from the last – yeah, it just don’t make sense. I’m not even entirely sure I no where this entered the stream of consciousness. I think I wanted to do something with the Street Fighter II characters after the fighting stops. Kinda like a Behind the Music type thing. Then I thought, well some of them should work together. Blanka should be an electrician, and Zangief should do home demolition. But then that kind of flopped, so it became generic problem solvers. Judge Smails was my first choice of somebody with a problem and once he was so introduced, the comic went on full Caddyshack tilt. And yes, everything that Zangief says is in Russian. You may not speak it, but I’ve left you with some keywords (they didn’t translate) that will give you the gist of it.

Sometime life can serve you surprises, just when you think you are honest.
-Rodney Dangerfield

Roma! Roma! Roma! Man, this feels good. AS Roma pulled off a fantastic win today at the Stadio Olimpico over AFC Fiorentina, who last year proved to be one of i Lupi’s strongest rivals for a spot in the Champions League and who ended up usurping Roma from said spot by finishing 4th in Serie A. Roma have been much maligned of late and have struggled to gain form – on Thursday they suffered an embarrassing defeat on the European stage to Swiss side FC Basel. The side were clearly struggling to adapt to playing in the style that Claudio Ranieri espouses – and frankly they have lately been a side that just didn’t get no respect. Hence, the Rodney Dangerfield Special – a club which hasn’t been able to gather any respect from anybody as of late but which has managed to reverse their fortunes and put forth a performance which maybe, just maybe, earns them a bit of grudging respect. Obviously, I’ve got a bit of a bias here.

However, I think it is a sign that a club is widely scorned when their own Ultras, the most fanatical of all their fans, refuse to come inside their home stadium and support their team – just as Roma’s Ultras did today, standing outside of the Olimpico in protest of club president Rosella Sensi. Personally, I love the Sensi family, and I think when they act they truly have Roma’s best interests at heart – but that’s neither here nor there. To give a bit of context, in their last match against Fiorentina i Giallorossi were handily defeated by la Viola by a score of 3-1; it was only fitting that Roma should have their revenge today to the tune of the exact same score.

Even without their Ultras to spur them on though, Roma hit the ground running and swiftly went on the aggressive, causing all kinds of problems for Fiorentina early in the half. The scoring would open on 27′ via, who else, Francesco Totti, who stepped up to the penalty spot and beat Sebastien Frei after Alessandro Gamberini gave up a handball in the box (the second of the game by Fiorentina, but the first to be called). Only seconds later Er Pupone thought he had doubled the lead and his goal tally, but was ruled offside. However, he got his chance to do just that in the 32nd minute as la Viola failed to mark him (most unwisely) on a corner kick and he smashed the ball home from near the penalty spot through the traffic in front of the net. At this point, the Ultras rushed into the Olimpico, clearly dismayed that they had missed Totti score not once but twice against the hapless Viola. Il Capitan wasn’t finished yet though, and on 40′ he set up his successor, Il Capitan Futuro, with a cross that Danielino duly headed into the back of the net to give Roma a 3-0 lead before halftime.

Sometimes it just takes two.

Thankfully Fiorentina decided it was best that they should show up in the second half, though they simply could not handle the furious attacking power and, perhaps more surprisingly, rock-solid defense that Roma embodied throughout the game. The return to starting fitness of Mirko Vucinic and Juan provided a great boost to both these aspects of i Giallorossi’s game. Though it was Totti and De Rossi who appeared on the scoresheet, Vucinic gave the visitors great difficulty in the final third of the pitch (and probably should have drawn a penalty on a handball by Dario Dainelli), and with Juan in the back line Roma for once actually seemed unshakeable. Both returning stars would be substituted in the second half over concerns about their fitness, replaced by Stefano Okaka and Philippe Mexes, respectively.

Fiorentina, to their credit, began to push their way back into the game, and on 53′ Riccardo Montolivo’s long-range effort forced a save from keeper Julio Sergio. Fiorentina would finally get onto the scoresheet when a defensive error from Simone Perotta gave Alberto Gilardino an opening in the box, and when Mexes failed to dispossess the hitman Gila duly buried the ball into the back of the net. Nevertheless, the goal would be little more than consolation for la Viola, coming as too little to late to turn the tides of the match – Roma would roll on to a confident 3-1 victory in a performance that, given their form as of late, was absolutely refreshing. Since this is a victory that might actually garner some praise for La Maggica and its manager, it can’t truly be a Rodney Dangerfield special, ’cause everyone knows Rodney never got no respect. However, its still great to see this team fight, and fight hard, to get the results they need and the respect that they (sometimes) deserve. I like to think that Rodney might approve.

Hoje O que eu já fiz para comer pão regressa com o Diceman para vos trazer as delícias que o mais estiloso dos comediantes stand-up faz hoje em dia, quando falta o pão lá em casa (apesar de tal como Steven Seagal não deve faltar lá assim tanto).

Comecemos por apresentar o Diceman como ele era, no tempo em que Jon Bon Jovi tinha uma permanente a rivalizar com Johnny Tempest, George Michael ainda tinha fé que podia ser um bom cantor e Billy Idol andava cheio de dinheiro.

Ah agora que consegui arranjar uma desculpa para meter um vídeo com o Rodney Dangerfield no blog já me sinto melhor.

Pois bem esta rotina fez tanto sucesso que logo o chamaram para fazer de Ford Fairlane, mas rapidamente a fonte esgotou e hoje em dia Diceman XL não lidou lá muito bem com a falta de oportunidades e depois faz cenas destas.

The Asylum se me estão a ouvir, arranjem uns papéis para este senhor se faz favor. Acho que iria encaixar que nem uma luva de cabedal no elenco de uma futura produção.

PS – Leiam isto e depois perceberão o meu respeito pela Asylum e porque são os maiores, a sério, mesmo os maiores.

VERDICT:
10/10 Baby Ruths

One of the funniest movies ever made. Simple as that.

Caddyshack has two main storylines. The first revolves around a teenage caddy working at a snooty country club who’s trying to pay his way through law school by winning the annual caddy golf tournament. The other deals with a brash real estate mogul that’s aiming to buy out the country club so that he can pave over the course and turn it into condos. The former storylines has it’s moments, but latter is the reason this movie gets a 10.

Just giving you the heads up, this won’t be a long review. Here’s why:

1) Bill Murray. One of the funniest men alive.

2) Bill Murray in one of his funniest roles of his career.

3) Chevy Chase in one of the funniest roles of his career back when he was putting out classic comedy after classic comedy; Vacation, Fletch, and Three Amigos! followed soon after.

4) Ted Knight in one of the last roles of his career, also freakin’ hilarious.

5) And Rodney Dangerfield in the greatest role of his career, arguably one of the funniest performances of all time.

6) (Honorable Mention) It’s also Harold Ramis’ directorial debut. A pretty kickass start for one hell of a career.

Those six bullet points should be enough to justify its legendary reputation.

But the great thing about Caddyshack is that no matter how much you hype it up and no matter how many times you see it, it remains freakin’ hilarious. And, yeah, the story’s there, but this is really just an excuse for some of history’s funniest guys to get together and just fuck around on a golf course for an hour and a half. It’s also one of the most quotable movies of all time, so for the sake of not being “that guy” who doesn’t get it when someone makes a “Billy Barou” joke at the company meeting, do yourself a favor and go watch this.

Look, just go and watch Caddyshack. Gettin’ tired of repeating myself. It’s a top 3 comedy for me, for a lot of people actually, and there’s always a good reason to go back and see this again even if you’ve seen it before.

So it’s got that going for it.