dangle your body like rotten berries deep red and starting to reek i am not mesmerized by your high-pitched whine or bleach
blonde brain cells, deadened like the nerves in your jaw but am repulsed by the slack in your thigh, the line of your orange mask that peels like moldy fruit skins and falls to the floor i am unamused by this musing so i give it up in exchange for musical experimentation, a stellar stoner-action flick and a family consisting of a smoky black-and-grey purr-box, a manic man band (my name minus m and
my hunny-bunny) i take rock-n-roll videos and close-up photos of things that fill the finished basement….

He creído oportuno incorporar a sexpistols en este blog como otra de las categorías, porque aunque se hayan desintegrado, creo que han tenido una gran repercusión a lo largo de la historia del punk-rock siendo muy influyentes en ella. Fueron los responsables del comienzo del movimiento punk en Reino Unido. Y es que fueron unos de los pioneros en este género y son una de las bandas más influyentes de la historia de la música popular. Destacaban por sus continuas llamadas de atención, sus originales apariciones públicas y por sus shows, siempre desorganizados y alterados.

Sexpistols, los pioneros en el punk en el Reino Unido

Los miembros que conformaron en un principio el grupo de Sex Pistols eran Johnny Rotten, el guitarrista Steve Jones, el batería Paul Cook y el bajista Glen Matlock. Pero las primeras confrontaciones hicieron que Matlock fuera sustituido por  Sid Vicious a finales de los setenta. Pero fue en estos años turbios cuando Rotten quiso dejar la banda anunciando su desintegración tras una polémica gira en los Estados Unidos. Además, la muerte de Sid Vicious fue el ultimátum para la disolución de la banda. Desde esta ruptura hasta la nueva reunión del cuarteto inicial, pasaron años oscuros para este grupo, pero ya desde el año 2002, se reúnen varias veces para realizar giras y conciertos.

Hey Gang,

For Turkey Day 2009 I figured what better way to celebrate here at The Trash Cinema Collective than with the 1972 Anti-Drug, Pro-Christian, Mutant Killer Turkey film…Blood Freak!

That’s right, hold onto Plymouth Rock and prepare yourself for horrendous audio, unintelligible mumbling, bio-hazardous turkey meat, real life turkey decapitation, bible thumpers in red hot pants, sibling rivalry, turkey poking, mutant sex, cock blockage, a God live ever present narrator, the complimentary use of the term “husky”, real life amputees, lots of screaming, copious blood squirting, and poultry rage!

This episode wouldn’t have been possible without the indispensable help of Team Trash Cinema: Erica Andrus, Justin Falco and Terrius Greene whose performances bring this Thanksgiving Holiday Special to life. Thanks again, gang!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and Stay Trashy!

-The Primal Root

Flesh of the body, flesh of the world. It makes me happy to know we have cut to the rotten core of the matter.

You know when you eat an apple that has a worm in it? It just ruins the whole thing. America is that apple, and Glenn Beck the worm.

And although he uses big words like “prayer” and “God” in his rants, he in no way embodies the same religious zeal he attempts to conjure up in others – he merely uses those words as showpieces to rally other “religious people” to his cause. But, one must remember that Glenn is not representative of all “religious people” or all Mormons (his religion) or all Christians (there’s a big difference between the two), and therefore one cannot blame “religious people” for Glenn Beck. He is his own creation (and one of the media’s creations), and his ideas are not representative of the ideas of “religious people.”

And “religious people” would do well to truly PAY ATTENTION to who Beck is and what he says. I’m sure most would find there is a bit of a disconnect between their particular religious beliefs and the extreme things Beck says and does.

I particularly like how he elevates America above the place of God in his 9-12 Project (http://www.the912project.com/the-912-2/). In fact, most of what is written on his 9-12 Project page can be classified as ONE of these four things: (a) can be overturned by Scripture, (b) is counter to what Jesus taught, (c) has not been demonstrated or lived out by Beck, or (d) has been radically disproven as fundamental to Beck’s core beliefs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n3QeHtSOfM).

So, “religious people,” please don’t feel that you need to loop yourselves in with Glenn Beck just because he talks about “God” on a nationally publicized media program. And “media people,” please don’t assume that all “religious people” or conservatives fall into the same narrow category that Beck has taken it upon himself to occupy.

He’s just a little worm burrowing down into the apple of America, with enough space and a loud enough voice to ruin that apple for everyone.

I thought it might have me who did not even get close to understanding that movie.  George Clooney has too much time on his hands to be involved with that crap.  ‘Catch 22′ was a good read but when they brought it to screen it was a bomb, just as this crap of a movie…

I asked for a refund and the manager asked,  “Why?”  Well, I told him it was “A farce perpetrated on the fans of George Clooney, and I won’t come back to this theater unless I get a refund.”  $6.50 complimentary pass was given…

Bottom line to this rant…Worst movie of the year.

Not really a top you’d think you’d see one of the best Grime artists wearing to be honest. Especially with such a name. Dot Rotten was spotted wearing this top at the Hardknock event a few weeks back . These events are regularly held by GoldieLocks. The same GoldieLocks who was on the Tinchy Stryder track ‘Stereotypes’ off the album ‘Star In The Hood’. This particular event also included Ruff Sqwad, Shystie, Logan Sama and GoldieLocks herself DJing.

The top is yellow with a chocolate brown print.  The print reading ‘ Welcome to the world of Gorilla Land’. The website is under the slogan, hence, how I found the top. It involved a lot of zooming in and sequencing of my eyes to read it. The t-shirt is available for the European price of €24,90. If you’re interested, visit their website at www.CuteeDesigns.com . There is no direct link to the top due to the layout of the website itself.

-  Graeme Day

The man at the bar in the dress slides down the bar and schmoozes. Face made up and a cape. Leering and red-eyed. “What have you come as?”

“For you, mainly disappointment and minor embarrassment, possibly with a hint of a reminder of your own misguided inflated self-worth”

He’s serving us pints later.

And Lara Croft is sat behind me, middle-aged and overweight. And the slutty witch in the mask keeps staring at me. Directly. Not hint of deception. It’s brisk.

Behind the girls stand the vampire and the ghost, hovering. Grinning. They’ve never been this close. I sit and they scurry.

And Scooby Doo and a wind-up doll are entertaining as we watch. The three witches to our left, obese and rotten, applaud and wish. The dance floor is open space. But in comes the short skirt swaying and the fat friend shuffling and they taunt into some kind of separation. We’re watching two shows. There’s, and Scooby’s.

“Confident or drunk?”

Jade considers.

“She can move. And she’s not ugly. The former.”

Two lads try their luck, but the luck’s out. It’s a solo dance. And the band whip it up and the girl sways sideways and tempts more in. Soon they’re all up there swaying.

And the old man from the start. The one who shouted “ABRAHAM ABRAHAM” to the Dracula question, his mullet rippling, he’s up there too. Smiling.

We weave through ghouls and goblins and witches and wizards and bats and devils and we wink goodbye to Wonder Woman, still trying his look, red eyes redder.

To think, we didn’t dress up. On Halloween.

It leaves you without the excuse.

Fraud In Other Movies

Stop by your local video store, grab a bucket of popcorn and study these films about fraud and fraud deterrence. Get the books at your local library or bookseller to discover even more details about the fraudsters and investigators.

Movies – New Listings Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room The Prime Gig The Inspector General Scroll down for the movie and book summaries, and more alphabetical listings

1. Catch Me If You Can (Film released 2002, VHS 2003, DVD 2003)Based on the bestselling book, this is the autobiographical story of Frank Abagnale Jr. Pursued by the FBI, Abagnale spent four years of his life impersonating an airline pilot, doctor, and attorney – all before he was 21. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Martin Sheen, Christopher Walken, James Brolin, and Jennifer Garner. Frank W. Abagnale Jr. appears in the movie as a French policeman. Directed by Steven Spielberg. Studio: Dreamworks Book: New York Times bestseller. “Catch Me If You Can: The Amazing Story of the Youngest and Most Daring Con Man in the History of Fun and Profit” by Frank W. Abagnale. Hardback, 1980. Hardback, publisher Mainstream, 2001. Paperback, publisher Broadway, 2000. Audio cassette, Audio CD, and e-book also available. 2. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (Film April 2005, DVD January 2006)) An excellent documentary about the fraudulent, fast growth of Houston-based Enron Corporation into the seventh largest US company and its rapid destruction. It was worshiped by investors and feared by rivals. The leaders were lauded as visionaries. Major banks, brokerage firms, politicians, and auditors at Arthur Anderson were caught up in the frenzy. It seems like an entertaining fairytale, but it changes into a catastrophic shocker as more facts are revealed. The movie includes videos from the energy company’s meetings and television coverage, arrogant phone conversations, internal memos, and document shredding. Oddly-named schemes like “Mark-to-Market,” “Raptor,” “Death Star Transactions,” “Ricochet Purchasing,” “Get Shorty,” and “Rolling Blackouts” are explained. The movie shows how greedy executives like Kenneth Lay, Jeff Skilling, Andrew Fastow, and Lou Pai were involved in the schemes. The executives reaped millions of dollars in compensation and left the employees,  pensions , and the State of California in a financial crisis. Obviously, Enron did not follow one of its own mottos – “Ask Why.” The film includes interviews with whistleblower Sherron Watkins and the authors of the book. Directed by Alex Gibney Studio: HDNet Films/Magnolia Pictures The movie is based on the best-selling book “The Smartest Guys in the Room: The Amazing Rise and Scandalous Fall of Enron.” It was written by Bethany McLean and Peter Elkind, senior writers for Fortune magazine. McLean also wrote “Is Enron Overpriced?” for the March 2001 issue. Hardcover, 2003, Penguin Group (USA). Paperback, 2004, Portfolio.

3. The Prime Gig(Film 2000, VHS 2002, DVD 2002) Pendleton “Penny” Wise is a gifted telemarketer who can sell almost anything over the phone. He works for a small-time operator who goes bust and doesn’t pay Penny his sales commissions. Broke and out of a job, Penny is approached by Caitlin Carlson, who is recruiting telephone salesmen for Kelly Grant. Grant is a legend in the telemarketing industry, but not always for positive reasons; one of his previous operations landed him in jail, and Penny isn’t sure if Grant’s latest scheme — selling shares in a gold mine — is on the level. Greed, distrust, and betrayal are at the core of this drama of high-pressure boiler room operations. Starring Vince Vaughn, Julia Ormond, Ed Harris,  George Wendt, and Wallace Shawn. Directed by Gregory Mosher. Studio: New Line Home Video

4. The Inspector General(Film released 1949, VHS 2004, DVD 2004) An illiterate stooge is fired from a traveling gypsy medicine show. He wanders into a Russian village begging for food and is picked up on a vagrancy charge. The villagers and corrupt officials mistake him for the inspector general, they think is traveling in disguise. Fearing he will discover they’ve been pocketing tax money, they make several bungled attempts to bribe and kill him. He falls in love with the only honest person in the village. This is a hilarious view of loyalty, deception, mistaken identity, and friendship. The film was also released under the title “Happy Times.” It is included in several boxed sets of comedy classics. Starring Danny Kaye, Walter Slezak, Barbara Bates, Elsa Lanchester, Alan Hale, Alan Hale Jr., Gene Lockhart, and John Carradine. Music by Johnny Mercer and Sylvia Fine Directed by Henry Koster. Studio: Warner Brothers   The film was based on the Russian masterpiece “The Government Inspector” by Nikolai Gogol (1809 – 1852). When the satirical play was first performed in 1836, Gogol was driven into exile. Student edition, paperback, 2003, Methuen Publishing. The Government Inspector has been translated 17 times by other publishers. A new paperback will be available in April 2006.

Movies – Alphabetical Boiler Room Catch Me If You Can Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Eight Men Out The Emperor’s New Clothes Fargo The Flim-Flam Man The Freshman The Grifters Matchstick Men The Music Man Quiz Show The Scam (Afera) Shattered Glass Six Degrees of Separation The Sting The Sting II Traveller Waking Ned Devine The Yards Scroll down for the movie and book summaries.

5. Boiler Room (Film released 2001, VHS 2002, DVD 2002) In this morality tale, a college dropout abandons his illicit casino to please his father who is a judge. He joins a low-end stock brokerage firm which turns out to be a bigger scam. High-pressure salesmanship is used to bilk families out of their life savings. Starring Ben Affleck, Giovanni Ribisi, Nia Long and Vin Diesel. Directed by Ben Younger. Studio: New Line Studios

6. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (Film released 1988, VHS 2002, DVD 2003) Two international con artists cross paths as they ply their trade on gullible wealthy women up and down the Riviera. Freddy Benson (Steve Martin) is a loud crass American. His competitor, Laurence Jameson (Michael Caine), is a suave European. The two are forced into a rivalry which results in a wager to see who can be the first to bilk an American heiress out of $50,000. The winner gets to stay in the area to continue his schemes and the loser has to leave. Is there honor among thieves? Starring Steve Martin, Michael Caine, and Glenne Headly. Directed by Frank Oz Studio: MGM/United Artists This hilarious comedy is a remake of the film farce “Bedtime Story” starring Marlon Brando, David Niven, and Shirley Jones  (Film released 1963, VHS 1994). A musical adaptation of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” premiered in 2004 at the Old Globe Theater in San Diego. It moved to Broadway in March 2005 and stars John Lithgow, Norbert Leo Butz, and Joanna Gleason.

7. The Emperor’s New Clothes (Film 1987, VHS 1993) A funny satirical tale by Hans Christian Anderson about vanity, incompetence, corruption, and lies. It interweaves schemes by the Emperor’s court and tailors to deceive him. Two swindlers persuade the emperor that their magical cloth can’t be seen by any person who is foolish or incompetent. Only one young lad dares to tell him the truth. Starring Sid Caesar, Clive Revill, and Robert Morse. Original music by Sid Caesar. Directed by David Irving. Studio: MGM/United Artists   8. Eight Men Out (Film released 1988, VHS 1999, DVD 2001) Based on the 1977 book, “Eight Men Out: The Black Sox and the 1919 World Series” by Eliot Asinof. A historical portrayal of bickering baseball team owners, famous crooks, lowlife gangsters, and the low-paid baseball players of the Chicago White Sox. It details the conspiracies, payoffs, scandals and trial of the team that won the pennant and intentionally lost the World Series. Starring D. B. Sweeney, John Mahoney, Charlie Sheen, John Cusack, Studs Terkel, and Christopher Lloyd Directed by John Sayles. Studio: MGM/United Artists Book: “Eight Men Out: The Black Sox and the 1919 World Series” by Eliot Asinof. Hardcover, publisher Henry Holt, 1977. Paperback, publisher Henry Holt, 2000. Audio download also available.

9. Fargo Film release 1996, VHS 2003, DVD 2003) A dark, funny thriller about a rural  Minnesota car salesman who scams General Motors and he’s about to get caught. In desperation, he orchestrates the kidnapping of his own wife for ransom and things go horribly awry. A very pregnant sheriff runs across the scheme while trying to solve multiple murders in the middle of a snowy winter. Starring Frances McDormand (who won the Academy Award with this performance), William H. Macy, Harve Presnell, Jose Feliciano, and Steve Buscemi. Directed by Ethan Coen and Joel Coen Studio: MGM/UA Video Awards: Academy Award for Best Screenplay

10. The Flim-Flam Man (Film released 1967, VHS 1997) A comedy-drama about Mordecai Jones with his quicksilver tongue, the hands of a grifter, and a heart full of pure larceny. It follows the scams of Jones and his apprentice Curley Treadaway on their train-hopping travels in North Carolina. Starring George C. Scott, Harry Morgan, Jack Albertson, Alice Ghostley, and Slim Pickens Directed by Irvin Kershner Studio: 20th Century Fox   Book: “Ballad of the Flim-Flam Man” by Guy Owen. Hardcover, publisher AMS Press, 1965. Paperback, publisher Coastal Carolina Press, 2000.

11. The Freshman (Film released 1990, VHS 1991, DVD 1998 and 2002) Carmine Sabatini is a powerful New York importer, who bears a funny resemblance to Don Corleone in “The Godfather.” Clark Kellogg is a naive film student who is short on cash and accepts a job working for Sabatini. His misadventures involve lost luggage, the boss’s beautiful daughter, contraband, and an organized crime family. As if he is trapped in a comic nightmare, Clark finds himself drawn deeper and deeper into an ingenious scam involving an endangered Komodo Dragon and an illegal gourmet club.  When the FBI asks Clark to snitch on his colorful employer, he discovers a strange loyalty to this wry and wise fatherly figure. Starring Matthew Broderick, Marlon Brando, Bruno Kirby, Penelope Anne Miller, and Bert Parks. Directed by Andrew Bergman. Studio: Columbia Tristar

12. The Grifters (Film released 1991, VHS 2002, DVD 2002) Based on the novel by Jim Thompson. The story of a mother, her son, and his girlfriend who are con artists caught in a world of ropers, suckers, grifters, and squares at the race tracks, bars, and the streets in between. Starring John Cusack, Anjelica Huston, Annette Benning, Sandy Baron, Pat Hingle, Jeremy Piven, J. T. Walsh, and Martin Scorsese Directed by Stephen Frears Studio: Miramax   Book: “The Grifters” by Jim Thompson. Paperback, publisher Vintage, 1990. Audio cassette also available.

13. Matchstick Men (Film released 2003, VHS 2004, DVD 2004) There is no honor among thieves – or is there? This is a dramatic comedy that centers on Roy, a divorcee whose career as a master con artist or matchstick man is complicated by his ongoing struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder with various quirks and rituals and his distrust of banks. He and his partner swindle elderly people out of money by posing as telephone marketers who promise trucks, package vacations, and other fabulous prizes which they never get. For a quick buck, they follow up with schemes using money couriers, overhyped water filteration systems, rescams and mutilated lottery tickets. His wily partner Frank has criminal ambitions that are greater than Roy suspects. They are on the verge of a lucrative swindle involving money laundering and a Jamaican switch when a punky 14-year-old girl arrives claiming to be the daughter Roy has never known. It turns out that she has a knack for dad’s profession. Starring Nicholas Cage, Sam Rockwell, and Alison Lohman, and Bruce Altman. Directed by Ridley Scott Studio: Warner Home Video   Book: “Matchstick Men” by Eric Garcia. Hardback, 2002, Random House. Audio book, 2003, read by Stanley Tucci, HarperCollins Publishers.

14. The Music Man (Film released 1962, VHS 1998 and 2000, DVD 1999 and 2004) This musical is based on Meredith Wilson’s 1957 Broadway hit. A fast-talking traveling salesman, Professor Harold Hill, goes from town to town selling citizens on starting a boys band. He extracts money from them to order instruments and uniforms, with the promise that he will reduce crime and teach the kids to be musicians. After collecting his bankroll, he usually skips town. Marian the librarian in River City considers him a fraud when he promotes The Think System of learning music. This is a masterpiece of con games, romance, and fun. Starring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Buddy Hackett, Paul Ford, Hermione Gingold, Pert Kelton, Mary Wickes, and Ron Howard. Directed by Morton Da Costa. Studio: Warner Home Video Awards: Academy Award for best adapted screenplay. Golden Globe Award for Best Picture – Musical.

15. Quiz Show (Film released 1994, VHS 1998, DVD 1999) An entertaining thriller based on true stories of the 1950s game show scandals, when TV shows were rigged to attract higher ratings and lucrative sponsorships. The story focuses on the Congressional investigation of the quiz show “Twenty-One.” Popular contestant Charles Van Doren agrees to win by using answers supplied by the show’s producers. They even coached him on his facial expressions, so that he appeared to be struggling with difficult questions. The reigning champion Herb Stempel is unfairly beaten and blows the whistle on the scam to deceive the players and the TV viewers. Starring John Turturro, Ralph Feines, Rob Morrow, Paul Scofield, Hank Azaria, Mira Sorvino, Martin Scorsese, Calista Flockhart, Ethan Hawke, and Barry Levinson. Directed by Robert Redford Studio: Hollywood Pictures Awards: Oscar nominations for Best Picture and Best Director. Golden Globe nomination for Best Director.

16. The Scam (Afera) (Film released 2001, VHS 1993, DVD 2004) Successful businessman and former physicist Andrei Davydov plots an unprecedented scam aimed at causing the downfall of the world’s financial markets. He has no doubts that he will succeed, but speculating on an ecological catastrophe is a dangerous gamble. Especially when love interferes with his carefully thought out scheme of operation. Starring Mariya Globkina, Alexander Lazarev, Jr., Emmanuil Vitorgan, and Vladimir Siminov. Directed by Yevgeny Lavrentyev Studio: Image Entertainment / Alchemy-Film Russian with subtitles in Russian, English, French, Spanish, and German.

17. Shattered Glass (Film released 2003, VHS 2004, DVD 2004)This drama is the true story of a fallen journalist and pathological liar Stephen Glass. It demonstrates how Glass could single-handedly betray the trust of vigilant editors, writers, fact-checkers, and copy editors. He falsified 27 praised articles for The New Republic, a weekly political magazine in the late 1990s. Glass gets caught when a writer for the online Forbes magazine tries to research the sources in the articles and no one can trace them. The revelations of fraud had a profound effect on the ethics and operations of the publishing business. The disclosures were as shocking as those about Janet Cooke at the Washington Post and Jayson Blair at the New York Times. Starring Hayden Christensen, Peter Sarsgaard, and Hank Azaria. Directed by Billy Ray. Studio: Lions Gate Home Entertainment   Book: “The Fabulist” is a novel by Stephan Glass. Hardback, Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group, 2003.

18. Six Degrees of Separation (Film released 1993, VHS 2000, DVD 2000) Based on John Guare’s hit Broadway play about an Upper East Side New York couple that gets bilked by a charming young black man who claims to be Sidney Poitier’s son. Inspired by a true story, it reveals that art dealers and wealthy people have scams as well. Starring Will Smith, Donald Sutherland, Stockard Channing, Ian McKellan, Mary Beth Hurt, Bruce Davison, Anthony Michael Hall, and Peter Duchin Directed by Fred Schepisi Studio: MGM/United Artists   Book: “Six Degrees of Separation” by John Guare. Paperback, publisher Vintage, 1990. Hardcover, publisher Bt Bound, 2001. Audio cassette, Audio CD, and Audio download also available.

The Sting (Film released 1973, VHS 1998 and 2001, DVD 1998) Winner of 7 Academy Awards including Best Picture. Set in 1936, a bogus bookie joint is set up to run a variety of cons with lots of twists in Chicago. It’s a high-stakes game of small time grifters played against the police and the master of all cheating mobsters. Starring Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Ray Walston, Robert Shaw, Charles Durning, Eileen Brennan, Harold Gould, and Leonard Barr Directed by George Roy Hill Studio: Universal Studios

19. The Sting II (Film released 1983, VHS 1998) The sequel to The Sting. Starring Jackie Gleason, Mac Davis, Teri Garr, Karl Malden, Oliver Reed, and Harry James Director: Jeremy Paul Kagan Studio: Universal Studios

20 Traveller (Film released 1996, VHS 1998, DVD 2000) A gypsy-like clan of Irish con artists sells defective trailers and runs construction scams in the southern United States. Starring Mark Wahlberg, Bill Paxton, Julianna Margulies, and Jo Ann Pflug Directed by Jack N. Green Studio: Hallmark Home Entertainment

21. Waking Ned Devine (Film released 1998, VHS 2001, DVD 2003) A clever comedy about 51 inhabitants of a village in Ireland who devise schemes to deceive lottery officials and share the new wealth of  Ned Devine, who died of shock when he discovered he had a winning ticket worth 7 million pounds. Starring Jackie O’Shea, Michael O’Sullivan, David Kelly, Ian Bannen, and Jimmy Keough Directed by Kirk Jones III Studio: Twentieth Century FoxBook: “Waking Ned Devine: An Original Screenplay” by Kirk Jones, Danny Boyle and Andrew MacDonald. Paperback, publisher Screenpress Books, 1999. Includes deleted scenes.

22. The Yards (Film Released 2000, DVD 2001) Leo is a young, poorly educated ex-con who is out on parole for a crime he didn’t commit. He seeks an honest job from his relatives, so he can support his ailing mother. Soon he discovers his uncle’s business and family loyalties are not what he expected. The dark gritty business of repairing New York City subway trains involves bribery, racketeering, sabotage, political corruption, contract rigging, a conspiracy of silence, and revenge. Starring Mark Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix, Charlize Theron, James Caan, Ellen Burstyn, Faye Dunaway, Tony Musante, and Steve Lawrence. Directed by James Gray Studio: Miramax

Notes: DVD – Digital Video Disc, a five inch optic disc that has more storage capacity than a compact disc (CD). DVDs were introduced in 1996. VHS – Video Home System, a half inch wide video tape format, packaged in a plastic cassette and introduced by JVC in 1976.by Larry C. Adams

In my last post I showed you our carved pumpkins. We were quite happy with them. However, the pumpkin crop here in IL has been most terrible this year. And it may be related or not but we had some of the most phenomenal, rapid, spontaneous pumpkin decay I’ve ever seen.

The pumpkins were fine when I went to work that Monday morning. I came home in the afternoon to find the large pumpkin like this: (if you can’t handel icky things, DO NOT LOOK AT THE PICTURES.

This is the eye:

The whole face didn’t fare much better:

The top had fallen in and the entire inside was covered in fuzy white webs:

You really don’t get the full effect from the pictures. There were several candles inside. You couldn’t see them anymore on account of the fuzz…

My pumpkin decayed like a normal pumpkin. It got wrinkles and shriveled and because of its mouth looked particularly like an old person. (need to find pictures still)

This year, like every other year, we carved pumpkins. We went to a farm about 40 minutes away to pick some pumpkin. Around here ‘pick’ still just means go take one from the massive pile of pumpkins, something I still find dissapointing compared to the traditional hayride in New England, tripping over vines and pokey things to find your pumpkin a good couple hundred yards away in a big field. Anyway, we got pumpkins. I actually got two. One of them was this fascinating peanut like shape with huge viens through the top I thought I would make into a bird’s talon’s grabbing the pumpkin. The otehr was a much more reasonably size, quite round but square cute one. My husband got one that was a good 35 pounds and round and wide.

my peanut shaped pumpkin (and some cider)

This weekend was pumpkin carving weekend. We had kept the pumpkins in the car to keep them cool and because we didn’t ahve a place to store pumpkins inside. To my dismay when we got to the pumpkincarving party, my larger most interesting pumpkin was found to be squishy on it’s top side. We found the next day when we removedit from the back seat that it was far more gone than simply squishy. Serious disapointment but I suppose the decay could have been worse. A tiny mishap perhaps?

It took me a long time to decide what to do with my cute round pumpkin. I normally do something I tend to be fairly proud of, always free hand and typically more than simply a face. Last year I did a bulldog (though it was easily mistaken for a tiger) and the year before a very ferocious pirana pumpkin (yesyes the spelling) which went on to be featured in a short fillm where it fought with my research text book.In college I had done a myriad of complex spiderwebs, creatures and of course faces.

poorly done bulldog/tiger:

Bulldog, 2008

'Pirana Pumpkin'

This animation is all I could find of PIrana Pumpkin. You don’t getthe full effect. It had detailed scales, fins, spines and a tail. There must be a proper picture somewhere…

I wish pumpkin carving was more accepted year round and that pumpkins were available year round. But then I suppose it would loose some of the intrigue.  [Why not carve watermelons in summer? ] I think it’d be awesome to be a professional carver, but I know that’d probably steal some of the fun away as well.

Needless to say, this year’s went a bit more traditional but I think it still has some character. I tried out the idea for the talons but it didn’t go quite the way I was intending and this pumpkin didn’t ahve nearly the pronounced veins as my other. I found a squishy spot on the front of this one as well but it played into the features of the mouth quite nicely.

My husband went for a traditional face inspired by the pumpkin king pumpkin at the beginning of the Nightmare before Christmas. It is quite menacing. And given it’s only the third pumpkin he’s ever carved, it’s quite marvelous.

His is made doubly eerie by the super bright LED flashlight that’s lighting it up in the above pictures. I’m working on a way to keep something like that lighting them up for Halloween next week. I’ll have to update with pictures with the lights on as well.

Oh, all right then. Yes it is.

My Favorite Mushroom. I found this little puppy growing on the kitchen window sill this morning. Yes, we have a problem with damp.

Banana jokes are appalling.

What to do with all my minging bananas?

I bought them to be healthy but ate Koka noodles instead and now they’re gone all brown.

Get your fine self

3-4 over-ripe bananas

2 beaten eggs

110g brown sugar

115g butter

5g baking soda

250g flour

shot of expresso

walnuts

you can also add cinnamon, vanilla extract or a handful of chocolate chips if you’re into that kinda thing

Then

1. Preheat oven to 175 degrees. Grease loaf pan. If you don’t have a loaf pan, you can do it in a muffin tray, but reduce baking time. I dunno what you should reduce it to though because I do have a loaf pan.
2. Combine flour, baking soda, and a pinch salt in one bowl.
3. In a second bowl, cream butter and sugar. Stir into this the eggs and mashed bananas.
4. Fold banana goo into flour mix just enough to moisten.
5. Bake for 60-65 mins, leave to cool for ten and EAT.

Good stuff.

It always seemed like fun until someone ended up getting hurt.

On the observer:  Suit – Arundel – Zachary Gentlemen’s Costume.

On the victim: Pieces from Basque Corset, and Boot’s and Leathers. Belt is from Phoenix Design & Firefall.

It had been a whirlwind romance, two adventurous souls had found one another and had become inseparable. But for at least one of them, it just wasn’t enough.

He liked to flirt.. a lot.

It didn’t much matter if it was a barmaid in a pub, a local wench trying to make a couple dollars to buy her next bottle, or some mysterious beauty of the deep seas.

On him: Fashions from Dany’s French Touch.

On her: Le Cirque de la Maladie Skirt from *SMOTD, Doll Horns from !Rotten Toe, Hair from Arundel, skin from Domestic-V.

He loved them all, and they loved him

On him: Hair from Joli Fem.

On the sirena: Mermaid tail from aeNigma (Steampunk Hunt Prize), hair from Tekeli-li, skin from den Dou.

They’d had it out one day, and their argument could be heard out of the indoor dock where she kept her ship, and into the street. She was furious, and wanted him to stop his philandering ways.

It was quite a rowe they’d had, we were worried that it might come to actual blows.

On him: Suit – Arundel – Zachary Gentlemen’s Costume

On her: various pieces from Arundel’s, belt from Phoenix Design & Firefall.

So, you see, it was quite natural that we’d suspected him of doing her in, their fights had become quite the talk about town. We didn’t learn till later.. much later.. that it had been the wench all along.

She’d been the one with the most to gain and the least to lose; besides.. it wasn’t the first time she’d committed murder.

• aeNigma:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Vernian%20Deep/23/172/7
• Arundels Designs:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Antiquity%20Township/206/97/24
• Dany’s French Touch:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/New%20Toulouse%20Algiers/16/210/701
• Jolie Fem:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Solace%20Beach/159/42/22
• Rotten Toe:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Baie%20St%20Anne/191/188/67
• *SMOTD:  http://slurl.com/secondlife/Attol/119/80/1474

Photographed on location in the sims that make up Babbage.

]]> http://zeethought.wordpress.com/2009/10/08/grumbles%e2%80%a6stupid-cheese/ Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:48:06 +0000 realistic bird http://zeethought.wordpress.com/2009/10/08/grumbles%e2%80%a6stupid-cheese/

The other day I did some muffins with ricotta cheese, awesome! I’ll put the recipe later on silver desserts but I was left with some cheese. Today I looked over many recipes to use with the leftovers and found one that is so delicious, you know when you read it you say: That’s the one! And imagine yourself eating it, yum yum. I wrote the recipe and got the ingredients and reached for the ricotta only to find it has gone bad! Come on! You stupid cheese! Forlorn I go to the trash to throw it away.

UPDATE!

I’m not one to give up! So today I made the recipe with some changes and it turned out great! Instead of ricotta I used cheddar cheese so easy on the salt and used dill instead of chives. The result:

The Danish Clap Hat Ministry

(the former Ministry of War)

offer secret information

for terror organisations

and do the utmost to spread knowledge

about the TOP-SECRET files

about hunters

handed over to the public by

The Forsvarskommando and

The Forsvarsministerium

in Denmark.

The minister of defence Søren Gade

and his top-advicer Lars Findsen,

who are the  main figures

responsible in

The Forsvarsministerium

are still in charge.

The Forsvarsministerium and

The Forsvarskommando (High Command)

of Denmark

must now be considered as

a national security risk.

E NON CHIEDERE MAI “PERCHE’” (TI RENDE UN ESSERE UMANO)

-Non credo che ci sia una spiegazione. / -Senti, tu sei mio amico e ti voglio bene. Questo non ti esula dal rispondere alle domande. / -Non dire “esula” quando parli con me. La storia è semplice e facile. Tu ti sei raddrizzato e io mi sono storto. Questo non implic… cazzo, questo non vuol dire che abbiamo litigato. / -Prima. / -Prima quando? / -Quando eravamo piccoli. / -Quindi prima vuol dire “ora”, nel caso specifico. / -Ora, prima, insomma… vaffanculo. La mia domanda è questa: prima uno dei due si sarebbe offeso per non esserci sentiti per tanto tempo. Oggi, no. Vuol dire che non siamo più amici? / -No cazzo, no. Tutti a tirare le considerazioni sui massimi sistemi. Il sollazzo dell’uomo bianco. Ora, chi di noi due avrebbe dovuto alzare il telefono? Io, fatto fino alle pupille, o tu, razza di idiota che non avevi la minima idea di dove fossi andato a finire? Eh? / -Saremmo dovuti rimanere in contatto. Avresti potuto mandare lettere. / -Ehi, hai presente, uh? / -Perchè? / -Quanto dura questo chiarimento? / -Vado pisciare dietro quella statua equestre di Maria Teresa di Calcutta. / -Perchè?

NEL PARCHEGGIO DI UN MOTEL

Non c’è un motivo in particolare. Di notte, con le sigarette che hanno un sapore di nostalgia e tornano indietro sensazioni antiche. In auto, davanti, gli Stati Centrali: grandi spazi e una sorda tendenza alla violenza. Non c’era nessuno a cui mentire la mattina dopo. C’era un fremito di inquietudine, un brivido attraverso lo stomaco, il cuore, fino alle mani. Gli Who suonano da dentro un’autoradio, le note si smarriscono  via una dopo l’altra, spinte away dalle nostre distrazioni. Il clima tiepido e la notte piena di stelle, ma senza luna. Silenziosa. Non è una notte qualunque, sentine l’odore. Una notte che già conosci. L’hai incontrata, per la prima volta, quel tipo di serata, quando avevi appena quindici, sedici anni, forse diciassette.

DIARIO DEL VIAGGIO SU PEZZI DI CARTA. NON VENDEVANO MOLESKINE, O IO NON LI HO VISTI

“Da New York a Philadelphia, fino a Washington D.C., sono 360 kilometri, e da lì fino a Pittsburg sono altri 400 kilometri. Se si prende la statale verso nord, si arriva fino alle Cascate del Niagara, dalle parti di  Toronto. Secondo la guida della Hertz “la cosa da evitare assolutamente è…” Il resto rimane intellegibile, a causa di una macchia violacea sul pezzo di carta, comunque grande come un pacchetto di sigarette. Ho conservato con cura tutti i pezzi di carta che sono qui costretto a definire “il mio diario”.

PENNSYLVANIA

“La Pennsylvania ha il primo zoo della nazione e un nome che parla di luterani e vampiri, suggestioni slave e industrie inquinanti. In Pennsylvania puoi mangiare i panini alla merda più gustosi di tutto l’emisero boreale, e ogni band rock che si rispetti ci deve suonare quando ha smarrito la via di casa. A Pittsburg ci suonarono i Pearl Jam nel 98 o giù di lì. Lo so perchè non mi faccio gli affari miei. A Pittsburg ci si è fatti una foto sotto un cartello stradale, perchè troviamo kitch che gliene abbiano dedicato uno, alla città. Il desiderio segreto: andare a vedere l’Houdini Museum. E’ l’unico edificio del mondo dedicato al mago. Subisci la suggestione del luogo e del personaggio. Siamo è incantati dal maghetto. La Pennsylvenia è piena di parchi naturali. Nel bel mezzo del Lakemont Park, in cui ci siamo ritrovati perchè abbiamo sbagliato strada, mi sono fatto una pera. Ho sentito Bill che pregava tutti i Santi. Penso agli ornitorinchi dello zoo. Tra di loro si nasconde Houdini, celato da un abile travestimento. Stanotte voglio andare lì e fargli saltare le cervella. Esci da questo, se ci riesci, mago del cazzo.”

OHIO

“Ohio è una canzone di Neil Young.”

“Siamo a Youngstown. Non facciamoci ingannare dal nome. Lasciamoci ingannare da quello che ha detto il rinsecchito assistente bibliotecario che abbiamo importunato, dentro l’ennesima tavola calda (siamo qui da 4 giorni, abbiamo già mangiato in 342 tavole calde, secondo i miei calcoli): questa città verrà per sempre associata al malessere generato dal collasso del settore delle manifatture dell’acciaio. Lo ha detto anche Bruce Springsteen. E cosa siamo noi, se non europeucci da quattro soldi per contraddire lui, che ha tutti quei muscoli?”

“Bill è un radical-chic. Ha portato noi bourgeois fuori strada solo per vedere questa Akron, il posto che la Goodyear ha reso “The Rubber Capital Of The World”. Mi viene tanto da vomitare. Questo posto si chiama come un pianeta di Guerre Sterrali, o di un libro di Asimov che ho letto da piccolo. Da piccolo la gomma era fica. Ora fa schifo. Comunque sono felice: questo è il posto dove la Goodyear ha costruito i famosi dirigibili pubblicitari. Gli Stati Uniti non sono un bel posto. No. No. No.”

“Cleveland. Non sto affatto bene. Questo lo so. Spero che Superman arrivi e ci trasporti subito fino in California. Gli spettri dei supereroi rendono questo posto ancora più ancorato per terra. Le fondamenta dei palazzi si infiltrano nel terreno per chilometri, come radici di un tumore di cemento. Lo senti. Lo vedi. Le tombe degli indiani non ci sono, qui.”

“E’ antiestetico chiamare un posto che si trova in Ohio con un nome latino come “Toledo”. E’ una contraddizione insopportabile. Ormai sono sempre sul punto di vomitare, o piangere. Non conosciamo nessuno. L’unico essere umano che abbiamo avvicinato era un benzinaio. Sento che mi sto per spezzare. Mi è bastato sapere che questo posto è anche chiamato The Glass City. Ho incubi orrendi, in cui intere parti del mio corpo vanno in mille pezzi. Voglio sbriciolarmi? Voglio riflettere la luce? Voglio essere un liquido così viscoso da sembrare solido? Nessuno vuole essere il vetro, qui, ora. Bill mi guarda.”

Fw>> / dopo i pasti, a stomaco vuoto /

INDIANA

“Bill è tornato per me. Un pò di piacere. Un pò di calore. Un pò di morte. Lo stesso brivido che hai quando vieni a scoprire informazioni riservate. La stessa identica sensazione. Bill sa che mi piace infilare la testa nei posti e curiosare, mi da la sensazione di guardare senza essere visto. Ecco Bill. Ha buttato il deplian. Mentre dormivo, mentre sognavo qualcosa deve essere andato male. Bill mi stringe tra le braccia, io mi rintano in un angolo della stanza. E’ l’acchiapparella della pietà. Mi ha tranquillizzato leggendomi lentamente il deplian. Dovevo sembrare buono da fuori, perchè l’ha riletto e l’ha riletto, finchè tutti i nomi sono diventati incubi di vermi e decadenza. Dovevo sembrare buono. Ma dentro stavo morendo di paura. Larry Bird, John Mellencamp, Michael Jackson, Don Larsen, David Letterman, Axl Rose, David Lee Roth, & Scott Rolen. Sono zombie. Sono pieni di piaghe. Vogliono portarmi giù con loro.”

“Ora è finita. L’Indiana è spettrale, ma ne siamo fuori.”

ILLINOIS

“Joliet, Joliet, Joliet. Non è un nome incantevole per un carcere? I am Jake. I am Juliet Jake from the Blues Brothers Motion Pictures. E’ una figata. So il film a memoria. Ho visto gli ingranaggi. Ho riconosciuto il ponte sotto il quale Jake Blues fa la faccetta a Carry Fischer. Un bambino sta seduto davanti alla televisione. Guarda e riguarda il film. Volevo essere Juliet Jake. Voglio esserlo tutt’ora. Non voglio morire in alcun modo. Phyllis Reynolds Naylor / pezzi della mia infanzia giacciono su tutto il territorio degli Stati Uniti, protetti dal Primo Emendamento & dai Diritti degli Stati / The Agony of Alice Alice in Rapture Sort Of  Reluctantly Alice All But Alice / Alice in April / Alice In Between / Alice the Brave / Alice in Lace Outrageously / Alice Achingly / Alice The Grooming of Alice / Alice Alone Simply / Alice Patiently / Alice Including Alice / Alice on Her Way / Alice in the Know / Dangerously Alice / Deduzione: Alice sono io. Quindi non posso morire.”

OIWA

“Dì oiwa, dillo tre volte e un capo indiano farà piovere pezzi di cadavere in testa allo sceriffo. Dì oiwa, popola il posto di bifolchi e ammazza tutti i nativi. Dì oiwa.”

“Des Moines. Des Esseintes? Per il momento solo un rumore. Una pistola a tamburo che si carica, tre bozzoli esplosi, una sola pallottola per John McLane. Inventati qualcosa per tirare giù quell’elicottero, mcleeeein, guarda: “scappano come scarafaggi dalla luce”. Ora: dov’è Des Esseintes? Sta bene, Des Esseintes? Ci sono possibilità che lo incontri, sta notte, a demuàn? Bill non me lo dirà mai. Bill dice che qui Ronald Reagan ha lavorato come disc jockey. A demuàn. Sono informato.Thomas M. Disch era di qui. Il Prigioniero in tv nei sabato notte. Se ti sbrighi riesci a beccare la fine. Come il Prigioniero: come sono finito qui? Ricordo che ero riuscito a scappare, ma non mi ricordo come. Mi hanno catturato di nuovo. Ecco il nuovo Villaggio. Bill. Voglio stare nel Villaggio o voglio scappere di nuovo?”

NEBRASKA

“Bruce Springsteen… perchè non sei mio amico? Diciamo che sei forte. Diciamo che i tuoi denti brillano di notte. Diciamo che i tuoi muscoli picchiano la tua chitarra. Diciamo che rendi tutto facile. Diciamo che mi piaci, ma che non sei mio amico.”

“Tamburi di guerra. Grandi rimbombi di lance sull’asfalto. Guarda la tribù nera, portano grandi “X” bianche sugli scudi. Il loro capo è morto ammazzato. Sono incattiviti. Guarda la tribù bianca. Svastiche deformate in stelle da sceriffo e cheesburger all’odio nello stomaco. Loro ammazzano i loro capi, ogni tanto. Sono cattivi. L’Omaha Race Riot è un episodio della più grande guerra tribale mai combattuta. La mamma di Marlon Brando sta in veranda, scopa Henry Fonda su una sedia a dondolo. Il fucile a pompa è lì che aspetta. Tamburi di guerra. Sullo sfondo Fred Astaire improvvisa dei passi di danza e canticchia: “vi abbiamo rubato ogni singola cosa che avevate, negri“. Rimbombi di guerra. Rimbombi riottosi. E’ uno scontro etnico. E’ l’apocalisse. E’ l’armageddon. E noi ci siamo capitati in mezzo. Sbircio dalla finestra del camera. Scosto le tendine. Occhio di lince. La strada è vuota. E’ un inganno. E’ una tattica di guerriglia. La strada è piena. Tribù guerriere. Da che parte stai?”

Lincoln / Grand Island / North Plate / WYOMING / Laramie / UTAH / Salt Lake City / NEVADA / Elko / Reno

Tutte la pagine, i fogli, su tutti questi posti, sono rimasti infilati dentro una bibbia dei Gedeoni in un motel di Reno. Li ho dimenticati quasi di proposito, e quando ho pensato di tornare indietro a riprenderli, non siamo riusciti a ritrovare quel posto, nè a ricordarci il nome, a cui non avevamo badato.

CALIFORNIA, Monterey

“Ecco la costa ovest. Ecco la casa californiana. Un posto di legno davanti all’Oceano. Era una villetta coloniale a due piani.  Il vecchio giuramento: il primo che fa i soldi, la compra. Volevamo che fosse nostra. Nessun estraneo avrebbe dovuto metterci piede. In tre mesi, anni prima facemmo amicizia con un ragazzo newyorkese che era in vacanza da quelle parti. Si faceva chiamare Wiz. Ci raccontava le sue storie. La sua famiglia era andata in pezzi. Noi vivemmo la storia in diretta. Quando decise di andarsene di casa gli suggerimmo dove poteva rintanarsi: era andato a vivere a Monterey. In esilio, reduce, rifuggiato. Occupò abusivamente la villetta.”

“Wiz ormai da anni viveva sulla spiaggia, con Baudelaire e un pacchetto di sigarette. Aveva forse qualche anno meno di me, ma aveva recuperato lo svantaggio rapidamente, maltrattandosi come solo lui sapeva. Lo ricordavo pallido e magrissimo come un vecchio pescatore, con i capelli neri e lunghi e fitti. Il volto ossuto era coperto da una lanugine nera, testimone dell’ incompatibilità di Wiz con i barbieri della zona, latini e loquaci. Wiz viveva sulla spiaggia. Aveva tagliato i ponti con tutto. Era quasi un selvaggio. Suo nonno, praghese o polacco che fosse, era diventato ricco all’inizio del secolo. Non usò mai la sua ricchezza per via della sua religione e quando morì silenzioso e felice lasciò a suo figlio il patrimonio intatto. Il figlio, che ebbe una vita meno magica del padre, ma era bravo in borsa, moltiplicò l’abbondante e misconosciuto capitale. Poi qualcosa in casa di Wiz cominciò a non funzionare. Wiz ci tenne per ore al telefono. Noi ascoltavamo. Capivamo che non aveva nessuno. Temevamo che si impicasse o qualcosa del genere: la sua famiglia era stata tutta una bugia. Invece Wiz, cheto cheto se ne andò a Monterey, in California. E così noi, dopo molto tempo, lo raggiungemmo.”

TITOLI DI CODA

Luca

for white pellican ltd courtesy

BY BRAND SPANKING NEW CONTRIBUTING WRITER SEAN REIDY

So, in sitting down to watch the 1994 film Street Fighter, I only had vague recollections of seeing the movie when it was released. Unlike most of my fellow Cinemuckers, this gave me a leg up as I knew what to expect. Or at least I thought I did. For anyone that grew up on Street Fighter the video game, this takes that and Shoryukens it into oblivion.

Street Fighter: Not a movie, but an incredible simulation.

For a movie called Street Fighter, there’s a surprising lack of Street Fighting. Or even fighting for that matter. However, there are streets in abundance, so (in true Cinemuck fashion) I take my wins where I can get them. Rather, the story is about the third world dictator General Bison (played by Raul Julia) and the efforts of an “American” Col. William Guile to rescue the aid workers that Bison has kidnapped and is demanding ransom for. Oh and that American is played by the extremely Belgian Jean Claude Van-Damme.

But I know he’s American because they dyed his hair blonde and there’s an American flag on his uniform. At least he’s not the actor who plays the character Ryu. The main protagonist in the video game is a con man here and, though Japanese in the video game, the actor is Chinese. Because, well, the director didn’t think anyone would notice. Oh and yes, I’m just as surprised as you are, but according to the film’s credits and IMDb, this movie actually did have a director. Huh.

Rounding out this ensemble cast are a bunch of people you’ve never heard of, but seen in some crappy movie or other, plus pop singer Kylie Minogue. So, you know you’re in for a good time. Guile and his compatriots are the leaders of a squad of soldiers from the creatively named world peace-keeping organization, the A.N.. This group, though poorly named, is still marginally more effective than its real-life counterpart. They also run into a pair of conmen, the previously mention Ryu and his buddy Ken, and a news crew, with the reporter being Chun-Li.

I can’t really explain much of what happens between the opening and the ending, so I’ll just use the old phrase, “hi-jinks ensue.” Cut to the end, where everyone is taken hostage but Guile and his men. Guile is then told by some bureaucratic bookworm that the A.N. wants to negotiate with Bison. Col. Guile considers the options and then politely, but firmly tells the nerd that he thinks it’s a poor course of action and will proceed with or without the A.N.’s assistance.

Nope, wait, checking my notes, the actual exchange goes something like this:

GEEKY MCNEVERGETLAID: Col. Guile have you lost your mind?

COL. FIGHTMASTER GUILE: No, you’ve lost your balls.

I think he got the point across.

Chun-Li is taken back to Bison’s room to be “interrogated.” It’s there where she explains to him why she’s so interested in killing him in a LONG expository monologue. Where I can only imagine the screenwriter (also the director) realized he forgot to give her a character or that pesky “motivation” all those other screenwriters keep teasing him about.

It’s at about this time that I should mention that Steven E. de Souza, the writer in question also wrote the scripts for 48 Hours and Die Hard. And Commando and Judge Dredd. I know it’s kind of hard to be consistent when writing, but seriously?

Guile breaks in and finds his friend Charlie who Bison’s been experimenting on by apparently putting clown wigs on and injecting with a lime green liquid I can only assume is Gatorade.

Clown? Video Game Character? Actual "shot" from a movie? You be the judge, Muckies.

Now Guile’s pissed. It’s at this point the movie just has a lot of action so here are my notes:

• The henchmen are such bad shots Guile actually hides IN FRONT of a brick wall to shoot back at them.
• Guile and Bison start fighting. Novel in a movie with the word “Fight” in the title.
• Godzilla refence. At this point I’m reminded that Godzilla movies actually have better acting.
• Bison gets super powers and finds Guile’s weakness. Flying straight into him in the exact same way everytime.
• Guile finds Bison’s weakness. A roundhouse kick to the face.

The base blows up and everyone escapes. Also, they freeze in their video game poses at the end, because, it’s based on a video game. OH and I forgot to mention, Bison’s controls in his lair? The controls from the arcade game.

SO WHAT’S THE MUCK?

WHY SHOULD I RUN?: Do you like Street Fighter? Yes? Then don’t see this. Do you like action? Yes? Then don’t see this.

WHY SHOULD I SEE IT?: This is Raul Julia’s last movie. That’s just depressing. The man even turns in a good job in this movie. That’s truly a herculean feat. Also, it’s pretty ridiculous and you get to see Jean Claude Van-Damme flashkick.

THE MUCKOMETER:

Not really that hard to watch. It’s actually pretty boring in the middle and makes very little sense, but the actors seem to know the movie they’re in (for the most part) and overact accordingly. Pretty standard “bad-movie-night” stuff. 4/10.

More people are said to be buying Country Life butter than Anchor butter, which is allegedly a first. This is put down to the fact that John Lydon aka Johnny Rotten, formerly of the Sex Pistols, is the new ‘face’ of Country Life. The advert has apparently had people surging towards the shelves, thinking, subliminally perhaps, if the one-time alleged anarchist and four-letter-word merchant is prepared to stand up for the substance, then so should we.

What a strange world advertising is. Its charges are colossal, its payments huge, its creative budgets outsize. Dylan had this right of course: ‘Advertising signs that con/ you into thinking you’re the one/ that can do what’s never been done/ that can win what’s never been won -/ Meantime life outside goes on/ all around you …’ Sometimes I forget how pertinent his cracks and epigrams were.

I once knew a really rich young man who said that he was going to dedicate his wealth to stopping the pernicious power of advertising, but whatever he did, it didn’t work. Why are there so many kinds of butter, anyway? You can have it in tubs or wrapped in paper, with or without cholesterol, or in various spreadable imitations, based mainly but not exclusively on buttermilk.

The strange thing about adverts is that, for all they’re a con, they are also iconic – we can all recite jingles from childhood, in which various products were extolled – several hundred brands of toothpaste, for a start. We also admire adverts. There was one for a drink called Cresta (‘five different fruit flavours!’) which had a memorable cartoon bear, whose catchphrase was ‘It’s frothy, man’. Astonishingly, or perhaps not, the artist is the same man, Richard Williams, who animated ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’

Here’s the bear:

The Cresta Bear

Amazingly, you can also see one of the ads, about 21 or so minutes into the link found by clicking on my final sentence below, which takes you to a showcase of several of Williams’ adverts: