Origin: French
Meaning: “bright ruler.”
(bare-TEEL); (bare-TEEY)

Bertil is an old French form of Berthold which is of Germanic origins and is composed of the elements beraht meaning “bright” and wald meaning “ruler.” The French feminine form is Bertille and was borne by two early medieval French saints. Bertille’s designated name-day in France is November 6.

Bertil is also used in Scandinavia. Other forms of the name include:

• Berthoald (Ancient Germanic)
• Bertaud (French)
• Bertoldo (Italian)
• Bertholdus (Late Latin)
• Bertoldas (Lithuanian)
• Bertold (Polish/English/Czech)
• Bertol’d (Russian/Ukrainian)

Other feminine forms:

• Bertilla/Bertola/Bertolda (Italian)

The video sets up my  long, jumbled, probably ‘full of contridictions’ thoughts

…a lot of people say, ‘who says I can’t do______?’ A lot of others say, “God says you can’t do_______’. What many of them seem to mean is (in my opinion), ‘I say you can’t do_________ because God says so….’

Read on if you like….

Last week on my Twitter & Facebook, I asked a couple of questions surrounding the topic of Christianity and social drinking. I did so to have some opinions to help me prepare for my small group night at Resonate, APC’s post-high group which I lead. I thought, ‘hmm, this is harmless and most people don’t really care.

Boy was I wrong.

People really care. There were numbers of comments left on my wall from young adults, old adults and older adults, each with a different opinion. Some were for it in moderation, some felt that drinking opened the floodgates to every sin imaginable, some thought that the topic itself should be reserved for high school students and that I was a dummy for putting it up. Some people used bible verses, some used cultural references, some used personal examples of family members & friends who started with one drink and then ended up in Vegas stripping (okay, the Vegas part was an exaggeration but it was going there). What I assumed as a short Q & A, built over a few days into a deep discussion about personal convictions. Which is good. We each have personal convictions based on our relationship with God and our own experiences that pull us to or from one side to the next, which isn’t a bad thing. The bad thing is when we try to argue someone to our ideology or belief.

We do it with our faith. We argue with someone of a different faith OR someone with no faith until they say, ‘well, i guess you win so, I’ma become a Christian now.’ Then we jump up and down, singing the praises of the King and how he led them to himself. We fail to realize that for some (and not all…), if you can ‘argue’ them in then someone can argue them out. The media is great at that.

Buy this. NO. Buy that. Pepsi. Coke. Starbucks. Timmy’s. Toyota. Honda. Taylor. Gaga. Man U. Chelsea. Jacob. Edward. CSI. CSI NY. CSI Miami. Obama. NOT Obama. Etc. Etc. What up wit that??!

We are the kings and queens of changing our minds depending on the argument and idea. And if someone has their own idea, we feel it is our job to stop them dead in their tracks.

I worry about that because I have high school students who I’ve lead and I wonder now, “have I helped them make godly decisions for themselves or have I given them rules to follow, without compromise?” Are we helping people hear the voice of God and know the conviction of the Holy Spirit or are we creating guilt-ridden people, who when faced with a ‘wrong’, will turn away from it only to turn back because they feel bad? Now, I’m not slinking away from my responsibilities to teach and admonish people through the Word of God. What I am saying is that out of my or anyone’s teaching, the Holy Spirit plays a role in speaking to and changing a heart. That’s not my job. It can’t be. I’m not God. And I’m not that persuasive.

A buddy of mine looks at things like this and says,” the question isn’t about right or wrong but about purity. Can you do this and still be pure?” Tough question, because we as people rationalize purity to fit our standard of living…and we look for lines to justify what we can and can’t do. But a good question, none the less. The thing is, I know people who drink socially and I would never question their heart for God, intentions or effectiveness.  Never. And those same people are wise to know where and when and who. Meanwhile, I know people who don’t do anything ‘wrong’ by Christian standards but things could be ‘questioned’.

Are there things that are wrong in the eyes of God? Yes and if you’re a believer, you know what they are based on the Word. Are their things that are grey? Of course or I wouldn’t have wasted a blog to share my broken thoughts (which someone will read and then try to argue with me about…sad yet predictable). It’s those grey areas that we need to talk through and learn through. And in learning about them, we learn about each other and how unique we all are and how we’re each attaining for God. Romans 14 reminds us to avoid judging and condemning those who aren’t where ‘we are’ but it also says at the end that if we normally wouldn’t do something and then we suddenly do, (i.e. drinking for example), then we are sinning…that’s a good chapter for groups to chat about in their own context.

Our post high small group was great because our chat wasn’t about right and wrong but about how can we respond to certain scenarios when they are brought to us. How can we be Christ to someone who does things we don’t agree with. How do we navigate through universities and work places when people do things we don’t agree with? How can we be effective while still being accepting? Those are the main questions, friends and readers. Our society doesn’t look at things the way we do. Common-law families are the norm (even in churches…lol), drinking is normal (even in churches…), clubbing is the norm (even in churches…for outreach…). So if it’s normal for them, do we stand on a soapbox, like the old Holiness movement days and condemn? Do we simply live and hope they see our example and not think of us as monks and nuns? Do we invite them to presentations via mail?

So many questions…yet it seems we’d rather spend time drawing up lines for us to live by.

Sadly, I’ve lost my ruler.

Side note: We care SO much about the right and wrong about alcohol but we don’t care about gluttony or laziness or small white lies…funny what we choose to crusade against.

I keep on thinking how it would be to rule the world.  In my mind, I have it envisioned as if the world was my puppet.  I’d be sitting indian style in the middle of space and just have all these strings on my fingers and I’d be controlling everything.

I would be a pretty bad ruler.  I never know what to do with my hands, so I can’t even imagine how I would handle it with strings attached to them.

That makes me think of that Nsync music video.  Yeah, you know.  You know.

Usage of a flexible ruler

Graph by: Jake94 via Graph Jam Builder

source: bhg.com

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

• Paper towel tubes
• Ruler
• Scissors
• Construction paper
• Craft glue
• Craft supplies (markers, paint, paintbrush, ribbon, beads, feathers, etc.)

Measure and cut the tubes so each ring measures 2 inches in length. Be sure to make enough so everyone coming to dinner has a napkin ring. Cut the same number of 2-inch-wide colored paper strips. Glue the paper strips to the tubes.Now decide how you want to decorate your napkin rings. You could make each different or create a variety of looks. Use markers, paint, ribbon, beads, and feathers to decorate the rings. Here is a great chance to be really creative and fanciful.

DECORATING IDEAS:

source: familyfun.go.com

• Draw a turkey, autumn leaves, pumpkins, pilgrims, Native American headdresses or something fanciful on construction paper, then cut it out and glue it to the ring.
• Draw pictures of each family member to create their own personalized napkin ring or use a photo of each person attending and use it as the face of a turkey, pumpkin or pilgrim that you have glued to the ring.
• Leave a space on your design for names and you’ve turned it into a place card.  

 

When I get ready to go to an amusment park these days, I have everything I need in a bag, with special accessories. a few snacks and lots of water.  Too bad I can’t pack what I had as a little kid.  It isn’t the same thrill as it was back then.  I used to get so hyped up on anticipation of “the best day of my life” that I dreamed would come in the morning.  I think I found the adult version of this same feeling…  It’s Sweet Melissa.

I’m not going to have to wait in line, no ticket and I get to ride over and over.  The thrill is back and NO, I coulnd’t sleep last night.  She invited me to her office today by asking me while I had quickly thrown her on my bed, fully clothed and hoped ontop of her for a little kiss and choke.  We didn’t have time, as we never have, to do more than make out.  I’m sick of this teasing, I want her body now.  I was scared at first and would run away, and she would chase… Now it has reversed, but I wont be so coy and let her run away from me.  I will go into her office, trying to play it cool in case she has clients, and trying to not fall to my knees begging or eatting.  She told me to wear my black and cream 40’s style secretary dress and red heels to match the red lipstick she requested.  “Bring a ruler” she said before she left my room last night.  She smiled back at me with her sexy impish smile, hidden a little bit by her blond hair  falling in her face.  She brushed it back and grabed me for a kiss with her perfectly plump lips that I want to mold into a sex toy and sell for millions.  She is so fucking sexy, I don’t doubt everyone wants to bed her.

I packed my bag with the necsessities, like a dildo, some KY jelly (for some body slime fun), and a camera and tri-pod.   Everythign needed for my adult theme park adventure.  More of the excitement is not knowing if she is going to take charge or am I.  I will sharpen her pencils, type up her memos or answer phones… or get on my hands and knees for her…  what ever she asks.  If she asks nothing, I am going to grab her by her hair and force her to her knees.  I am going to dominate her like she has never been.  She will love to be forced into submission to me and we will make love with each other in a vulgar and “Sweet Melissa” way.  Then I will make out with her pussy, sucking on her clit and eat her ass in between the spanks.

Oh. Sweet Melissa I can’t wait to go on your ride.  Just 2 more hours.  Getting ready now. 

I will have some pics to add to my other blog for you readers to see.  Gotta be a little sweeter on this blog.

Okay email me and I’ll send you a link to the other blog with the pics.  Sorry, but I can’t send to those that can cause problems for me.

This is getting much closer to what i want to do with my reports.  influenced heavily by greene and arroyo.

Sample 6

Psychological Profile

You were born into life with a primary focus on harmony.  Your journey through life will be described by balance, that is, through you, much that is out of alignment can be brought back into equilibrium.  Your essential nature is geared towards the completion of unions through compromise and diplomacy.  In this way, you are very much the diplomat, gentle of voice, soft of face and replete with a charm that can warm all but the coldest heart.  Your energies are those of beauty, and beauty is the enemy of ugliness.  Your drive is to make all that is unsightly and un-beautiful beautiful.  There is a particular longing for the unity and harmony that the combination of two souls can bring.  Indeed, for you intimate relationships define the ultimate beauty of love, for it is love that you cherish above all else.  You are a true people person and the love that radiates out from you is palpable; all are charmed simply to her your honey voice.  A word of caution should here be proffered: your primary requirement for balance and harmony may make you alternatively shocking or overly complicit.  When in company that is altogether too quite and conservative, you will spark a move back towards the middle ground by creating a stir within the group.  Similarly, in an intimate relationship that has become much too nice, you will seek to add a dimension of nastiness or drama to it.  You will most likely achieve this by breaking something, shocking with a charge of electricity or providing some unique or eccentric oddment to the situation.

Deep within you there is a restlessness that speaks of highly charged individualism.  This is seemingly odds with your strong feeling for love relationships which necessitate harmony, blending and diplomacy.  As strong as your affinity for the path of interpersonal love is, it is equally matched by a heart-felt desire for independence, space and personal freedom.  This will impact ultimately on your relationships until you are able to consciously work openly and comfortably with both elements.  This leads to a further dichotomy – your essential character in this way is both luxuriant and glamorous, loving and aloof, personal and humanitarian, content and highly energised, charming and intellectual.

Luxuriant and Glamorous

You have a naturally artistic temperament, and this shines through in your taste for fashion, jewellery, music and art and fine wine and food.  You like to live well and you enjoy sharing this hedonistic lifestyle with your loved ones.  Generous to a fault, money and time tend to slip through your fingers as you pursue partnership in the good times.  Beautiful, sleek and glamorous, you will not find it difficult to attract admires.  You demonstrate your refined taste with an individualism that shines through clearly as flash – your personal style will possibly set trends amongst your friends as you truly are a trailblazer.  You will have mysterious off-periods however, when all your charm and poise seem to totally desert you.

Loving and aloof

You have a highly charged love nature that operates as much as a matchmaker for others as it does in driving your own romantic approach to life.  You live for love: Valentine’s Day is undoubtedly your day.  But your love is not the simple fairytale kind of princes and princesses that you feel it truly should be, for there is another side to your love force that you do not like and even have trouble admitting exists.  There is an erratic, eccentric side to your love that can at times come across as being too desirous of space, freedom and independence.  Broken love may well be a common theme in your life, at least until you learn to accept that part of you that needs to love beyond a mere partner; you have an instinctual love for humanity that wars with your urge to unite with just the one person.  This can make you cold and aloof at times, and will cause much confusion within your heart as to what you actually want in this life.  It will certainly confuse your partners.  You are likely to be attracted to people who are different in some way.  Or you may choose a partner you have been warned against – rebellion is a strong part of who you are.  Whoever you choose, the path will be a rocky one, as your challenge will be to find a partner who will adore you and romance you, and yet allow you the freedom to be the individual you so desperately need to be.  Unfortunately, at times your fear of love and of being loved leads you into relationships that will hurt you.  Your love can be too controlled, for part of you feels you are not worthy of receiving love.  And so your outgoing nature can take you on journeys into many different beds – some better, some worse – as you seek to find your ‘one’.  Learn to ‘let go’ of your love, value it for its unique nature, and only pursue those who are genuinely worth the effort.  Interestingly, you may have a love of technology and communicating via technologies such as the internet.  You may find love in a unique place such as the internet.

Personal humanitarian

As intimated earlier, you contain much feeling for the people around you, and you are always eager to engage others one-on-one.  Your natural charm and grace immediately relaxes those with who you come in contact.  Always dressed fashionably, with that extra touch of personal style you are invariably popular.  Men particularly will find you attractive and you may have many admirers.  However, part of what makes you attractive is your strong sense of independence.  You may not be aware of it, as you may have chosen to deny it, but there is nonetheless inside you a deep concern not only for those around you, but for all of humanity.  In this way, you may at times feel confused by your urges to ignore those close to you in favour of the larger concerns of human kind.  Although beautiful, charming and generous, you will thus find times when you shock those in your inner circle with disinterest or condemnation of their inability to understand the bigger picture.  Because this larger picture of humanity is very important to you.  In this way, you would make a great relationship counsellor, fashion adviser or designer, as your vast understanding of the human condition allows you to give accurate context for all that concerned with beauty; you intuit the fine details that comprise that human experience of love and beauty.

Content and highly energised

You have two modes of movement – slow and gracefully; and manic and erratic.  Your first type of movement stems from your luxurious nature – you wish to saviour the beauty in the very air as you move through it.  Your second type of movement derives from the high electric charge that can flow through you.  This charge is for you like a/c – an alternating current that moves rapidly and often unpredictably from the ‘off’ to ‘on’ position and then back again. Your mind governs this erratic energy; for it is an intellectual energy.  You might find you have great trouble at times slowing down your thought processes.  Your mind will race with a ceaseless nervous energy that can leave you feeling at times as if you’re on the verge of total collapse.  You rationalise much of what you experience and you are good at justifying almost whatever actions your high energy levels spur you towards.  You will be a person of many original and unique ideas – you should try to put these to good use, as you have much creative ability.  Furthermore, you have the rare talent of being able to make real your intuitions; whatever you see with your mind’s eye, you are certainly one person who can bring that vision into reality.  You may also have a gift for language; writing might be a successful creative outlet for you, as will any art or craft that uses the hands.  You will certainly need to find a way to deal with your abundance of tension and nervous energy – without a proper release (and there is a suggestion that a lot of this energy may be blocked, repressed or denied), your headaches and hypertension will get worse with the years, or you may suffer a mental breakdown or emotional collapse.  Sport may be the perfect outlet for you, as there is a naturally competitive side to your nature, and physically you are quite strong.

Charming and intellectual

 As previously noted, you are both charming and intellectual.  By intellectual, it is not meant that you are book-smart, although this may very well be the case.  What, rather, is referred to is the rational or logical way in which you approach things.  There is, therefore, directness and honesty to the way in which you express yourself.

Behaviour, reactions, emotions

 Emotionally you are quite expressive.  You value honesty deeply, even if sometimes you have great trouble telling the truth.  A lot of your behaviour will be open, spontaneous and adventure-seeking, and often your behaviour will lead you into confusing situations.  You need freedom and space and you do not relate well to petty jealousies and possessiveness in any emotional relationship.  Yet you yourself are exactly that – possessive.  Much of this will stem from the love-hate relationship you had with your mother.  Although she was warm and loving in her own way, her own sense of adventure may have left you feeling confused and angry.  However, despite all this, you still idealised her, seeing her is some way as being a ‘victim’.  In this way, you have identified with your mother and so much of what you feel, and how you behave, is likewise influenced by this notion that you are somehow a victim.  Really though, it is your own selfishness and over-sized ego and lack of discrimination and personal boundaries that have led you to situations in which you feel victimized or used.  This all makes you quite angry deep down, but until you learn to become fully self-reliant and find a deep and lasting self-value, you will not be able to learn to live with the confusion in your emotional life and the confusion your erratic and disparate behaviours elicit in others.

 A dark shadow

Though at heart a bubbly, vivacious and charming person, you nevertheless possess an iron-strong will.  Stubborn, obsessive/compulsive at times and capable of great cruelty and violence, there is a wealth of primal energy stored within you.  The currents of your life will bring you to death from time to time.  This does not mean physical death so much as the metaphorical death that comes with transformation and transcendence.  You are a survivor: having experienced deep change many times, you are not afraid of letting everything go in order to start again from scratch.  This can make you extreme, however, and you might need to temper your intensity in order not to scare those around you.  This often hidden side to you is passionate, secretive and magnetic – it will drawn other people in.  You have a high need for sex, though do be careful this does not become an obsession.  Also be careful that sex is not used in order to possess others.  You should also check your assertion.

Children

 You see children as being essential to your life development.  Your children will make you, you, However, please remember that all children have a right to be loved by two parents.  If you cannot offer them this, perhaps delay having them until such a time as you can.

So, I’ve been busy Me-Tubing and have my latest video: “My Country’s Good”. In it, I discuss my ideas for ruling my own country. Please view, rate, share and subscribe. And, if you can be bothered, please respond with your own videos / comments about what you would do if you were in charge. To be fair, most our current rulers are several Bushes short of an Obama, so it wouldn’t hurt to give someone else a try…

I wrote this song for the worship set on Christ the King Sunday, 2007. My senior year of college I got to co-lead a choir with a couple great gospel singers. Then, in the summer of 2007, I did Front of House audio for a conference with a really amazing gospel worship band. One of the musicians from the band gave me a gospel vocals mixing lesson that I will never forget!

With those soulful sounds in my ears, I wrote this in hopes that it would be a simple song that would let our congregation drop the bulletins, start dancing a little, and celebrate Christ’s kingship. The text comes from Revelation 7:12 that says, ”Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen.”You could substitute almost all of those descriptors into the lyrics of the verse. The chorus emphasizes Christ as creator, redeemer, and ruler.

I think gospel groups typically have a lead singer and then three BGVs, so I included those parts on the chart to fill out the arrangement.

Lead Sheet
Chart
Lyrics
Demo

इन्द्रमिद गाथिनो बर्हदिन्द्रमर्केभिरर्किणः |
इन्द्रं वाणीरनूषत ||
इन्द्र इद धर्योः सचा सम्मिश्ल आ वचोयुजा |
इन्द्रो वज्रीहिरण्ययः ||
इन्द्रो दीर्घाय चक्षस आ सूर्यं रोहयद दिवि |
वि गोभिरद्रिमैरयत ||
इन्द्र वाजेषु नो.अव सहस्रप्रधनेषु च |
उग्र उग्राभिरूतिभिः ||
इन्द्रं वयं महाधन इन्द्रमर्भे हवामहे |
युजं वर्त्रेषु वज्रिणम ||
स नो वर्षन्नमुं चरुं सत्रादावन्नपा वर्धि |
अस्मभ्यमप्रतिष्कुतः ||
तुञ्जे-तुञ्जे य उत्तरे सतोमा इन्द्रस्य वज्रिणः |
न विन्धेस्य सुष्टुतिम ||
वर्षा यूथेव वंसगः कर्ष्टीरियर्त्योजसा |
ईशानो अप्रतिष्कुतः ||
य एकश्चर्षणीनां वसूनामिरज्यति |
इन्द्रः पञ्च कसितीनाम ||
इन्द्रं वो विश्वतस परि हवामहे जनेभ्यः |
अस्माकमस्तु केवलः ||

“Behold, I am the slave of the Master.” Mary’s words after being informed by Gabriel that she will give birth to the King.

Most translations do not use the word slave and yet that is what the Greek word means. Mary informs the angel that she is totally under the authority of her Master.

At one point in my life I used to think that maybe Mary forgot this promise when she was older. Maybe that is why she thought Jesus was out of His mind. To be fair the text doesn’t really say this happened but many scholars link the words in Mark 3:21 and the actions of Jesus’ brothers and mother as recorded later in Mark 3:31-35.

As I read Michael Card’s book A better Freedom I began to think that maybe the problem wasn’t that Mary had forgotten the promise made. In fact maybe it was the promise that fueled her attempts to take Jesus home. Maybe she thought Jesus had to be mad since the angel said he would be called great and would reign over the house of Jacob forever.

Could it have been that she viewed His ministry as a failure? Could it be that she came to get him back on track? “Jesus stop antagonizing the Jewish leaders, you’re going to need their support when you establish your Kingdom?”

No, I started to see her actions differently. I think many of us want to do the same today. How many times do you see people equate Jesus with power? Power over the economy? Jesus make me rich. Power over possessions? Jesus give me the nice things that I want.

She forgot that she acknowledged that she was a slave. That she was owned by God for His purpose and His will. She forgot that Jesus was the Master. He gets to do what he believes is best. It must have shocked her to see her son, born in such a miraculous way, living as a servant to all. Taking time for the poor and needy. Spending his days with the undesirable. It must have shocked her that this miracle baby, called to be King, wasn’t building an army and making connections with those in power.

No, I think she went to get Him because she didn’t understand our servant King. How many of us still don’t follow today for the same reasons? How many don’t truly follow because of the places we are asked to go and the things we are expected to do?

How many of us think Jesus is crazy….

The Digital ruler is a 15 cm wooden ruler, which uses technology of electric-resistance and measurement in order to calculate length of line or distance. Unlike any other ruler, it is relative, not absolute. The 0 point of the ruler is defined by every new measurement with any pen. The display is invisible when not lid, this feature gives this product soul and mystique. There is also an alarm-clock that has this same on/off-feature.

via:: design reaktor

These are some of the tools I use most often when I crochet.  The calculator is a must when trying to figure out stitch and row counts for a garment.  The little blue tubes are cushions for your crochet  hook.  They come in different sizes and I picked these up at Michael’s.  I have a box of stitch markers and a box of claw barrettes.  I use the claw barrettes to hold my pieces together before sewing.  Another box holds the hooks I use most often.  I’ve found that a row counter can be quite handy when making tops or sweaters.  The little metal ruler on the bottom left is a stitch gauge.  You can slide the metal pointer to the 4″ mark and measure the stitches that fall into that range–very nifty.  And of course, I use my little stork scissors and a pen and paper for notes.  You’ll notice the pretty tins that hold some of my supplies.  These came from Brighton, the jewelry people.  Every time I buy a piece of Brighton, I save the tins.  In the photo below, you’ll see all my supplies in a small carry-all.  This carry-all has many compartments and helps me to keep my chair-side table from looking too cluttered.

Tool Caddy

Now that the Irish Chain blocks are ready to go, I turn my attention to the alternate block for the Irish Chain blocks, which would be a Square in a Square block (SNS).

For these blocks, I used the lighter colored dresses, and in case you were wondering, the gauze dresses with the fusible stabilizer worked like a dream!  I was really happy with them, and so glad I could feature them so prominently as the customer had asked for them specifically.

One of my most favorite piecing tools is Jodi Barrows’ Square in a Square ruler, and out it came to make short and precise order of all these blocks:

Here you see all the components– the gauze dress fabric, the strips of dark green which will become the outer corners of the SNS blocks, the ruler, and the instruction book.

At the bottom of the photo, you see the ladder-like piecing, which is how you chain piece SNS blocks, the Jodi Barrows-way!  With a few twists of the ruler and some judicious and simple cutting, you end up with perfect SNS blocks.  Love love love this ruler!

From an early age I have been aware that I get an enjoyment from receiving corporal punishment when it’s administered by women having first tasted it at my primary school from a young and very pretty teacher who took the ruler and then the tawse to my hands a few times. By the time I’d left secondary school I realised that the enjoyment that I was receiving was actually a sexual turn on and luckily my first girlfriend was more than willing to experiment with these feelings and she had access to her father’s collection of tawses as he was a teacher and had kept them even though there use had been banned in schools. We stopped going out with each other, but remained good friends, when we both went off to university as we moved quite a long way apart. I didn’t play that much when I was at university as I was never in a relationship where I felt confident enough to express these desires and I didn’t have the funds available to visit any of the professionals who could meet my needs. Once I’d completed my postgraduate course and was in employment I was fortunate to be in a position that entailed regular travel down to London and it was then that I started to visit a few different ladies who catered for my desires. Through these visits I discovered that I have a very high pain tolerance which meant that I could take lots of punishment and still derive great satisfaction from the scenes and in particular the viewing of the marks which had been left on my bottom.

Although I wasn’t as heavily into giving punishments I did enjoy watching the many videos that were available of ladies receiving punishment and also reading the books and magazines putting myself into both positions and it had been known for me to occasionally take on the spanker role with good effect. By chance I discovered that one of the stars of many of the films that I watched lived in my home town and conducted sessions from there. Jenny gave and received punishment with equal skill in the films and I arranged a session with her one time and when I turned up for the session she looked even better in real life than she did on the screen. Jenny was a couple of years younger than me and through visiting her regularly I discovered that she could play anything from a teasing Headgirl through to the meanest Correction Officer with equal skill. She could play the ‘doing this for your own good’ card or the ‘doing this for my own enjoyment’ card equally well and after a couple of sessions Jenny realised that I could take absolutely anything she wanted to give and this gave her the freedom to run with her own fantasies for hard punishment. We saw each other for a professional session at least every month and sometimes as frequently as every other week and whenever Jenny felt the need to administer a particularly severe punishment, for whatever reason, she contacted me and I was always happy to oblige by providing my bottom to her.

One week Jenny and I had played a particularly wonderful scene in the afternoon where she was the Headgirl of my school and I was also her boyfriend. Jenny had caught me giving her best friend a kiss at a party over the weekend but I’d had no idea that Jenny had been at the party at that time and it was only a kiss of friendship anyway as it had been accompanied by a big hug but Jenny didn’t see it that way. This allowed her to put on an angry and spiteful persona, which was far from her true personality, which she found great fun to play with now and again and it gave her the chance to bring me to heel completely. The scene starts with me having been summoned to her office for a minor infraction of the rules and because of this I am expecting a suitably mild punishment but as soon as I entered the room I saw Jenny with a very angry look on her face and her three heaviest tawses and three heaviest canes sitting on her desk.

‘I saw you kissing Hannah at the party on Saturday night so don’t even bother trying to deny it or make any excuse for it. I want your bottom bare and over my desk within twenty seconds or your punishment will be increased by six strokes for each additional five seconds it takes you to comply with my instructions’ Jenny almost spits at me.

‘It was only a kiss of friendship after her boyfriend had dumped her’ I said trying to placate Jenny but she just pointedly looked at her watch.

‘Six extra strokes’ was all she said and this prompted me to obey her baring my bottom very quickly and getting over the desk.

‘You will receive a total of twenty four strokes with each of the implements that you can see on my desk and then you will beg for my forgiveness by kissing my shoes’ Jenny said sharply.

I waited and watched as Jenny picked up the first of the tawses and saw that it was a medium weight one and she swung it a couple of times to loosen up her shoulder before resting it across my bottom. I waited for a few seconds more getting more and more nervous as I always did before the first few strokes of any punishment and all of a sudden the first stroke landed across my bottom with a loud splat and a sharp sting as the tails were quite narrow on this particular tawse. This really set the tone for the punishment and by the time Jenny tossed this tawse onto the floor in disgust my bottom was ablaze. As she picked up the second tawse I saw the large H stamped into the handle telling me that this was the heavy Lochgelly tawse which I’d recently given her and I knew just how much it hurt and again she put her full weight behind each stroke and pushing it deep into my bottom. I was giving a gasp with odd strokes of this and soon enough it was thrown onto the floor alongside the first tawse and I saw her picking up her heaviest tawse which is a real monster. Each stroke of this feels like it is leaving a deep bruise on impact but I am now deeply into my mindset where the pain is washing over me in waves of absolute pleasure. It was just as well that Jenny was counting these strokes as I didn’t have a clue when she’d reached the twenty-fourth stroke until she tossed the tawse aside and picked up her first cane.

This particular cane was a very sharp and stingy one which Jenny had chosen deliberately to give a completely different sensation to the tawsing and it certainly did that drawing gasps from me with the sheer intensity of the sting after the bruising of the last tawse. As I saw her picking up the next cane I realised that this one wasn’t going to sting because it was much thicker and denser so it was no surprise when it almost jolted me forward with the first hit which had come off a full swing of Jenny’s arm. I thought that I could feel the line being scored onto my bottom with each stroke of this cane and I was sure that it would also be drawing blood in places as a severe session normally did but this didn’t worry either of us. For the final caning Jenny had selected her favourite dragon cane which is a real beast as it both thudded and stung at the same time. I could now feel little spots of blood spraying with each impact but this always turned me on more. There was a pause and I figured that we had reached the end of the sentenced punishment but I remained steadfastly in position which was what Jenny would have expected but at least it had offered me a get out clause.

‘Since you have refused to beg for my forgiveness for kissing Hannah I have no option but to continue with the caning. You may stop this caning at any time by kneeling down and kissing my shoes’ Jenny barked at me maintaining her role perfectly.

This role was maintained perfectly with the caning as well because each stroke was as hard as she could give it and after each she left a few seconds so that I could kneel and kiss her feet if I wanted but I was enjoying the punishment so much that I wanted to hold on for a bit longer. In the end I took another twenty four strokes before I relented and knelt at Jenny’s feet placing a soft kiss to the top of each shoe.

‘Worship my feet and legs properly and if you don’t do a good job then I will cane you again’ Jenny demanded after she had kicked off her shoes. I lovingly work my way over both of her feet having sucked on each of her stocking clad toes before moving up her shins with my lips as my hands are massaging the calves. Jenny has absolutely gorgeous legs and she lets me get to the middle of her thigh before she pushes me away with her foot so that my bottom lands back on my heels drawing a wince from me in the process.

‘I really needed to do that to someone so thank you Ken’ Jenny said as she’d stood up and pulled me up to my feet as well.

‘It was my pleasure Jenny. The whole session was wonderful and I’m sure that it will make my work Christmas party tonight much more interesting’ I say giving Jenny a kiss on each cheek as I say it.

‘Oh do enjoy it’ Jenny answers with a cheeky smile on her face.

I had always intended to wear my kilt to the party tonight as I knew that it would make a lasting impression on everyone who saw it and when I checked the state of my bottom in the mirror at home I saw that there were some cuts but they had stopped bleeding already so I had no fears about getting too much blood on the kilt as I was going to be going as a true Scotsman with nothing on underneath the kilt. When I entered the bar of the hotel where the party was being held it seemed like everyone turned to look at me and many of my colleagues jaws dropped to the floor as they rarely saw me looking smart never mind dressed in a full formal outfit. Kirsten, one of my supervisors, is one of these but she is also the first to regain her composure and she came over to me as I was at the bar. Kirsten is a gorgeous young woman with a lovely smile and absolute confidence in herself which I liked. She is also an ultra-efficient manager and worked me very hard as I was very laid back and had a tendency to laziness if I wasn’t sufficiently challenged.

‘You look utterly scrumptious Ken’ was Kirsten’s first comment and coming from her this is a true compliment.

‘So what is under your kilt Ken’ Kirsten asked and it was a question that I expected to receive many times during the night.

‘That is for me to know and you to find out’ was my answer which given the state of my bottom probably wasn’t the most sensible comment I’ve ever made especially when I see the very enigmatic smile that Kirsten gives me as if saying to me that she will find out.

Kirsten didn’t leave my side after this and made sure that I was sat next to her for the meal which was absolutely lovely. I sat down very carefully at the table and had to be careful not to fidget too much as every move reignited the pain in my bottom. There is a disco after the meal and many people went straight to the dance floor but instead I went to the bar and returned with another bottle of red wine for Kirsten and me to share. Eventually a couple of slower songs were played and with these Kirsten dragged me up onto the dance floor and the press of bodies pushed us very close together and without warning Kirsten kissed me as she ran her hands down the back of my kilt to see what I was wearing underneath it. Her tongue was probing my mouth deeply and as she felt the very hot, bruised and heavily welted state of my bottom her tongue got even deeper before she broke off the kiss and pulled me off of the dance floor into a very private and quiet corner.

‘Do you have a secret you wish to share with me Ken?’ Kirsten asked but before I could answer the question she was kissing me again and this time I was an active participant figuring that she couldn’t be upset by what she’d felt or she would have walked away. When we broke off again Kirsten slid in behind me and lifted the back of my kilt up seeing everything and running her hand gently over the marks.

‘They are beautiful Ken. Someone has done a very good job on you and I’ll have to meet them sometime. I want to explore them further though’ she says as she is leading me out of the hotel and we quickly find a cab. Kirsten gives the driver her address and as soon as we reach her flat she demands to see the marks again and this time I decide it will be easier to remove the kilt completely and as Kirsten is admiring them I can feel my cock beginning to grow which Kirsten doesn’t miss as she has reached her hand up between my legs.

‘You looked scrumptious in your kilt but seeing the wonderful state of your bottom has just made you even more appealing. I think it’s time to see what other secrets you are holding Ken’ Kirsten says as she is leading me up to her bedroom where we have a wonderful night exploring each other and I’m able to spend a lot of time giving Kirsten’s pussy the attention of my tongue. It is quite late when we fall asleep in each other’s arms and we wake up still entwined together the following morning.

‘So Ken will you tell me about what happened to your bottom?’ Kirsten asked.

‘I have known for a long time that corporal punishment turns me on and I’ve been lucky enough to find out that one of the major stars of the scene lives here in Manchester and does one to one sessions. I’ve been visiting Jenny regularly for the past couple of years and we are now close friends as well as play partners. Jenny knows that I enjoy and can take very severe punishments like the one I received yesterday afternoon and if she feels the need to administer a very severe punishment then she lets me know and that is what happened yesterday. She was playing the role of my girlfriend who’d caught me giving one of her friends a kiss at a party and the punishment was my way of begging her forgiveness for this indiscretion even though it was only a friendship kiss. It was a wonderful session with tawses and canes and you can see the state it has left my bottom and to hear you saying that it was beautiful and made me look even more appealing was brilliant because as soon as I’d said you would have to find out what was under my kilt I was worried by what you would say if you did find out because there would be no other explanation for these sort of marks’ I answer.

‘Do you mean this Jenny?’ Kirsten asks having pulled a magazine from her bedside table which contains one of Jenny’s recent photo shoots with a well known spanking magazine.

‘Yes that is Jenny’ I answer.

‘I said that the marks were beautiful and made you look more appealing in all serious last night because I’m also deeply turned on by thoughts of receiving corporal punishment. I have noticed that Jenny advertises the availability of one to one sessions here in Manchester in this magazine and I’ve thought about making an appointment to see her but I’ve always lost my nerve at the last minute because I don’t know if I could actually take the punishment’ Kirsten explains.

‘Although Jenny is very hard on me this is only because she knows that I can take it and I know that if you were to make an appointment then she would treat you much more gently to begin with and I can assure you that you would be completely safe with her as she is a real professional and will give you a safe word which would stop any punishment at any time so I would recommend that you go for it’ I say.

‘Thank you Ken. It might be better though if I come with you one time for the first punishment as that would make me feel more comfortable. Would that be okay with you or would it stop you enjoying the session with Jenny?’ Kirsten asks a little nervously.

‘No it certainly wouldn’t stop me from enjoying the session with Jenny and if it would make you feel more comfortable then I would be happy to accompany you the first time you go to see Jenny. If you let me know when you are ready to go then I will set it up with Jenny’ I answer thinking about the many possibilities which it will open up for Jenny as I was sure she would love it. This is the start of a wonderful relationship between me and Kirsten which I tell Jenny about the next time I see her and I mention Kirsten’s desire to be punished but also her nervousness about it. Jenny confirms that she would be delighted to see us together and would treat Kirsten gently. It was a couple of months before Kirsten plucks up the courage to say that she wants me to set up an appointment with Jenny and I’ve been thinking about setting up an appointment anyway and confirm that Kirsten will be with me this time.

On the morning of the visit Kirsten is as nervous as a kitten and I almost expect her to back out of the appointment but she doesn’t and at the end of our working day I hold Kirsten’s hand all the way to Jenny’s house and as we are on the doorstep I give her a kiss and whisper, ‘you’ll be fine’ in her ear. Jenny is her usual calm, self-assured self as she invites us in and leads us into the lounge where she offers us both a drink. Normally we don’t do this if it is just me that is visiting Jenny but she can plainly see Kirsten’s nerves and the cup of tea does help to settle these as does the conversation when Jenny confirms that nothing will happen to Kirsten unless she is happy to proceed and at all times she will be operating with a stop word. Jenny starts with me and plays one of her gentler roles with me concentrating on a long hand spanking followed by a paddling before finishing with twelve of her very best strokes with a cane. I’d been positioned in front of a mirror and throughout my punishment I’ve been watching Kirsten in the mirror and her excitement and nerves are obvious on her face.

‘What did you think of that Kirsten’ Jenny asks having sat down opposite to Kirsten on the sofa. Words seemed to tumble out of Kirsten’s mouth but basically what she was saying was the she didn’t know if she could handle being punished like that.

‘It wouldn’t be as much as that for a first time Kirsten. I would start with a spanking and would leave it at that unless I feel you are ready for more and this would only happen if you agree to it as well. You wouldn’t feel the cane on your first visit. Do you have a fantasy that you want to explore with me?’ she finishes up and Kirsten thinks for a second or two obviously deciding if she can go through with it or not.

‘Little miss goody two-shoes found guilty of a punishable offence by the Headgirl and punished for the very first time in her life’ Kirsten responds and we can both see the subtlety of the scenario and I know that Jenny will play it perfectly.

‘That is good Kirsten. Please pick a memorable but unusual stop word’ Jenny says.

‘Miranda’ is Kirsten’s response which I know is her middle name so is highly unlikely to be used during the punishment.

‘Are you ready to begin’ Jenny asks and Kirsten gives a nervous little nod before getting to her feet.

‘Kissing in the common room is not allowed in this school and you know that very well. You will have to be punished for breaking the rules but given your exemplary record so far in the school a spanking should be sufficient to teach you the necessary lesson. You will come and stand by my side Miss Andrews’ Jenny says having gotten into her chosen role very quickly.

‘Yes Headgirl I am sorry’ Kirsten says as she is moving over to Jenny’s side. Very gently Jenny guides Kirsten down over her lap letting her settle into the position before smoothing the short, thin skirt over Kirsten’s bottom. Jenny begins the spanking very gently and carries on over the skirt for about five minutes never letting her smacks get much harder and I can see Kirsten visibly relaxing over Jenny’s knee. Jenny then slowly raises Kirsten’s skirt and tucks it into the waistband leaving the plain black knickers displayed to both of us.

‘Are you okay to carry on’ Jenny asks out of role for a second or two.

‘Yes please do carry on’ Kirsten answers eagerly and although the smacks are not much harder there is one layer less protection and after another ten minutes Kirsten is squirming on Jenny’s lap with no doubt a maddeningly tingly sensation eating away at her bottom. Jenny places her fingers into the waistband of Kirsten’s knickers and starts to ease them down off of the bottom. Kirsten’s reaction to this says everything that needs to be said as she lifts her hips slightly to allow the knickers to be slipped down more easily. Every part of Kirsten’s bottom is a light red colour and before beginning this final part of the spanking Jenny asks Kirsten if she can remember what her stop word is which is a subtle way of reminding Kirsten of its availability. This spanking is slower and harder than the first two parts but it is still a long way below the weight Jenny was capable of and it was also shorter than either of the previous punishments. A total of fifty smacks were delivered to Kirsten’s bottom bringing it to a cherry red colour before Jenny picked up the paddle that she’d used on me.

‘A final six smacks with this paddle to make sure that I do not ever have to punish you again Miss Andrews’ Jenny says.

‘Yes thank you Headgirl’ Kirsten answers and it is swiped down onto her upturned bottom bringing a gasp from Kirsten at the difference in sensation.

‘You’re doing very well Kirsten’ Jenny says reassuringly.

‘Thank you’ Kirsten responds and is then given the remaining five strokes with the paddle with the same weight of stroke but there were no more gasps as she now knew what to expect from the paddle.

‘Your punishment is now complete Miss Andrews. You may get up and pull your pants up and lower your skirt’ Jenny says bringing the scene to a conclusion. Kirsten’s eyes were misty with tears when she stood up but she looked relieved and happy at the same time.

‘Thank you Jenny that was wonderful. I don’t know why I haven’t plucked up the courage to contact you before now’ Kirsten says.

‘It was my pleasure and I know just how nerve wracking it is to take that first step and be punished. If you want to come back for more in the future either with Ken or on your own then I would be more than happy to see you again and explore whatever you want to explore at your own pace’ Jenny says soothingly.

‘Thank you I’m sure I will be back and I’m sure it will be with Ken because we are becoming very close to each other and I know I want to keep him for the rest of my life and I have lots of ideas that you could punish us both for at the same time’ Kirsten says bringing a blush to my cheeks although it was good to hear that she was feeling the same way about the relationship between us as I was.

‘Thank you so much for those lovely comments about our relationship Kirsten. I feel exactly the same way about you and it’s wonderful to know that you feel the same way about me’ I say as we are walking back to Kirsten’s house stopping regularly to kiss and have a feel of each other’s bottoms which are both deliciously warm. It wasn’t long after this conversation when I proposed to Kirsten and was absolutely delighted when she accepted and Jenny was one of the first people we told about this development as we continued to see her regularly because having had a taste of spanking Kirsten was very keen to continue and she quickly became used to all of Jenny’s implement. Before too long Kirsten was taking fairly formidable punishments herself and Jenny gave her a tribute when she said that many of her other clients didn’t take half as much which brought a grin to Kirsten’s face. This fact allowed Jenny to play some very memorable scenes with the two of us and she was helped in this because Kirsten had a very vivid imagination and regularly sent details of scenarios over to Jenny who asked if she could publish them on her blog which Kirsten was happy with.

Secret found out: the housekeeper
We are the most junior staff within a large country house and all of the domestic staff are under the control of the Housekeeper, Miss Anderson, who although only a young woman herself is a real tyrant and keeps all of her staff in line with a very sharp tongue and the heavy leather tawse which is conveniently rolled up in her pocket whenever she is on one of her regular tours of inspection or hanging from the kitchen door when she is in her normal workplace. This meant that regardless of where she found a misbehaving member of staff she always had the means to punish them close to hand.  Miss Anderson’s tawse was a truly formidable implement being some thirty inches in length and well over an inch thick with three narrow tails at the business end which bit deeply into the bottoms of both the male and female staff. It was a tawse which had been passed down through her family and the tan leather had been darkened from coming into contact with countless bare bottoms over the years. Anyone who had the misfortune to meet this tawse in Miss Anderson’s capable hands, and no-one escaped, knew that they had been severely punished and the pain lasted for at least a day and could be as long as three days if it had been a particularly heinous offence you’d been caught for when more than the standard twelve strokes were given.

One morning every fortnight Miss Anderson and all of the household staff with the exception of me and Ken went into the local town to restock the house from the extensive local markets. Ken and I never got to accompany the others as we were far too junior and were left to get on with our normal tasks basking in the fact that for the morning we were free of the persistent threat of punishment. Ken and I have been secret lovers for the past few months fearful of what Miss Anderson would do to us if she caught us sharing my bed. One morning when all of the other staff were at the market Ken and I found ourselves working together in the kitchen and noticed that Miss Anderson had left her tawse hanging on the door. A very naughty thought crossed my mind and Ken saw where I was looking and the devilish twinkle in my eye.

I walked over to the tawse and took it down before taking on the role of Miss Anderson. I mimicked her voice and mannerisms perfectly watching Ken react as if I was the real thing. I ran my hand along the top of the window frame and discovered the merest fraction of dust which is more than enough to earn a punishment from Miss Anderson.

‘This dust is unacceptable Ken you quite clearly have not being doing your job properly. It is time that you become reacquainted with my tawse’ I said sharply as I’d grabbed Ken by the ear and hauled him over to the kitchen table and bent him over it.

‘It seems that you are incapable of learning your lesson Ken as I’ve punished you recently have I not’ I say getting no response from Ken.

‘You will answer a question when it is asked’ I say crashing my hand down onto Ken’s bottom.

‘Yes Miss Anderson you punished me yesterday for being idle’ Ken answers nervously.

‘Well I obviously wasn’t hard enough on you then. Instead of the standard twelve strokes you are going to get twenty four of my hardest strokes’ I said malevolently just like Miss Anderson would have in the same situation. I have none of Miss Anderson’s skill with the tawse but I’ve felt it, and seen Miss Anderson applying it, more than often enough to know roughly what is expected. Even with my inexperience each of the strokes was hard enough to bring about the compression of Ken’s cheeks when the tawse landed and he was soon moaning with the pain just like he would have been if it had been Miss Anderson applying the tawse to his bottom. Because I’d set the punishment at twenty four strokes I was able to go back to each part of his bottom two or three times and this is where the punishment becomes really severe and leaves deep purple marks on the skin. I was almost sorry when I’d delivered the twenty fourth and final stroke but I decided not to carry on any further just in case we were caught but I did take a huge risk by kneeling down behind Ken and giving each of his cheeks a gentle kiss while my hand slipped between his legs and started to play with his cock bringing it to a very impressive erection.

I was just about to taste this erection in my mouth when Miss Anderson walked into the kitchen accompanied by Emma-Jane the eighteen year old daughter of the Lady of the Manor who quickly proved she was a treacherous little madam. Emma-Jane had obviously been eavesdropping on our performance as she gave Miss Anderson a detailed account of everything that had happened and the look of thunder that crossed Miss Anderson’s face was not a pretty sight for either of us and as Emma-Jane outlined just how mocking my voice had been we knew that we were going to be in for a very painful punishment. Although it was a rare occurrence for Miss Anderson to carry out a fully public punishment in front of all of the staff I knew that this was what was going to happen to us particularly when we were ordered to strip completely naked and were locked in one of the cold stone larders.

I was absolutely petrified and Ken wrapped me up in his arms and cuddled me in tightly trying to reassure me that we would be okay but I didn’t believe him for a second and deep down he knew it wasn’t true either but I appreciated his efforts and felt glad that he was holding me. Time has no meaning for either of us while we are in the larder because there is nothing to judge it against and I have no idea how long we have been waiting when eventually we hear the door opening. Ken keeps me wrapped up in his arms at this point.

‘What a touching sight. It is clear that you two are already intimately acquainted with each other so you will be glad to know that you are going to be punished equally and jointly in front of all of the other staff so that they can see that such utter disrespect will not be tolerated from anyone’ Miss Anderson says as she is leading us through to the kitchen where we can see all of the staff standing round solemnly waiting but what is even more frightening are the two freshly cut birches which are resting in a large bath of water.

‘I have already informed the staff of why you are being punished and you two can consider yourself very fortunate that you are good workers because otherwise you would have been dismissed without a reference at the conclusion of this punishment however you can both count this as a final warning regarding your conduct. You will both receive equal punishment because I hold you both equally culpable of the offence and your punishment will be twenty four strokes of the tawse and thirty six strokes of the birch delivered in alternating sets of twelve so that you can both witness your lover’s punishment. Ken you will take up your position over the table first’ Miss Anderson says and although I’m terrified at least we now know what awaits us and that we will have a job at the end of it which had been one of my major concerns.

Ken did as he was told without any hesitation obviously fearful of increasing our punishment and as he bent over Miss Anderson kicked his legs further apart to get a better target and two of the other staff were deputised to hold his arms down on the table. It seemed unbelievable but each of these twelve strokes seemed harder that those Miss Anderson normally delivered and I didn’t want to watch what was happening knowing my turn was coming ever closer but at the same time I couldn’t tear my eyes from the scene that was unfolding before me.  Ken was reduced to tears by this first dozen as I saw when he was released to stand next to me but still I knew no mercy would be shown to me so I stepped forward on the instruction to do so. As bad as it had been to watch Ken being punished as soon as Miss Anderson started on me I forgot all about Ken as the pain in my bottom was just so overwhelming. My tears came even more quickly than Ken’s did and they were soon pooling on the table as Ken would see when he returned to his position for the next set of twelve strokes which Miss Anderson delivered from the opposite side so that both flanks were equally bruised by the tails.

I realised as soon as this second set started that the break between punishments made things much worse as the bruising had already begun to set in. If I’d thought the tawsing had been bad the birching was absolute hell and halfway through the final dozen strokes for each of us Miss Anderson had destroyed the birch completely so there was a horrible pause as two staff were sent to cut fresh birches from the garden and they knew better than bringing back gentle implements as they would simply have been punished themselves.

‘You will all take a very close look at the bottoms on display and think clearly about what has gotten these two into this situation because if anyone thinks of doing anything remotely similar then your punishments will be much worse’ Miss Anderson says to all of the staff as the punishment has been completed and we are both bent over the table. All of the staff file past us and give a gasp as they see what has happened to us.

It has taken over an hour to complete our punishments and we are sent straight to our rooms for the remainder of the day without any meals to contemplate what we have done and just to add to our torment Emma-Jane comes to inspect the damage and we know that there is not a thing we can do against her.

Secret found out: do you think I’m stupid?
I am on the train to Scotland with my mum for a holiday mainly to keep her company following her divorce and as it was the middle of August the train was very busy when a very attractive young man got on the train at Peterborough and I’d noticed earlier on the seat reservation that it was to Perth which was where we were going. As he sat down in the seat he looked at me and there was an almost instant attraction between us and he introduced himself as Ken and said he was going back to Perth to house and cat sit for his parents who have gone on holiday for a fortnight. I introduced myself and my mum and Ken proved himself to be a very talkative person engaging in conversations with both of us for the first part of the journey. I was sitting opposite Ken and had kicked my sandals off and started to play footsy under the table with him eventually noticing that Ken had slipped slightly forward on his chair and I rested my bare foot on his crotch and wiggled my toes feeling his cock growing dramatically. In our conversation Ken was telling us about what we could do in and around Perth while obviously enjoying the attention of my toes.

There are a number of very loud and rude teenage girls in our carriage and at one point my mum turns to me and comments, ‘it is such a shame that those girls cannot experience the sting of the cane applied to their bare bottoms at school as it would soon make them behave’ and I blush furiously with this comment as I know that I’m not immune from these sanctions even now that I’m twenty-one.

‘It never did me any harm and even at twenty-one Kirsten is not immune from a spanking or a caning if she is naughty and even though we are on holiday if she behaves like a little girl she will be punished like one’ my mum continues embarrassing me further but my foot is still pressing into Ken’s crotch with this comment and I couldn’t stop the wicked little grin crossing my face knowing that I can’t help being naughty. If my mum could see what Ken and I were doing then my fate would already be sealed.

‘I’m going to the buffet for a coffee can I get you two one’ Ken offered a few minutes later.

‘That would be lovely I’ll help you carry them Ken’ I said having got to the point where I had to take our teasing to a new and much more physical level.

‘I want you inside me. I’ll wait in the toilet for you so knock three times on the door on your way back and I’ll open it for you’ I whispered in Ken’s ear giving him a kiss on the lobe just after I’d finished. Even better for us was the fact that the toilet in our carriage was the disabled one so there was a lot more space than normal. By the time Ken knocks on the door I’ve already stripped down to my underwear and we immediately start to snog enjoying the close physical contact between us. I managed to wrestle Ken’s jeans and shorts down as we are snogging and his erection sprang up to bump into my tummy. I kneel down and take Ken’s cock into my mouth for a couple of minutes and it seems to grow even harder under the loving caress of my tongue. Ken pulls out of my mouth and fishes out his wallet inside which was a condom and he is rolling this on as I bend over and take hold of the edge of the sink. We screw urgently and passionately trying to keep quiet but we aren’t successful in this particularly when we both climax at almost the same moment. It was no surprise that we are both flushed when we get back to the table and my mum has a knowing look on her face.

‘Do you really think I’m that stupid Kirsten? I know exactly what the two of you were up to in that toilet’ she said quietly.

‘No we weren’t up to anything mum’ I answer unconvincingly but feeling that I should at least try to deny it.

‘You are simply digging yourself a bigger hole Kirsten and earning yourself a more severe punishment with your lies’ my mum says.

‘I’m sorry mum you are correct we were snogging in the toilet’ I concede.

‘I’m just as much to blame’ Ken says honestly and gallantly trying to come to my aid.

‘Don’t worry Ken I will get to you in just a second’ Kirsten’s mum says

‘As soon as we reach our hotel Kirsten you will be spanked and caned hard. Ken if you have any shred of decency then you will accept the same punishment for your part in this sorry little escapade’ is the next comment and I am looking at Ken to see if he will do the gentlemanly thing and whether he would defy my mum although instinctively I knew that he would accept the punishment.

‘I will accept my share of the blame for the offence and will take my due punishment’ Ken answers and the matter is not discussed for the remainder of the journey and our conversation returns to the same easy way that it was before but there was now an even stronger shared bond between me and Ken and there is a growing nervousness in us as we get nearer Perth. As we are near Perth Ken asks where we are staying and when he hears the name of the hotel he tells us that it is in a wonderful location because it is so central but he also offers us the opportunity to stay with him as it is a big house with a lovely garden. I am very keen on this idea but unfortunately my mum isn’t as keen as she could guess the trouble we would get up to giving what she knows we’ve already done as she was well aware that it wasn’t just a snog. Ken only has a small bag because he has a lot of stuff still in Perth and he carries our bags to the hotel and is told to wait in the bar as we check in and go to the room.

‘I know perfectly well that you and Ken did more than snog in that toilet and you can be assured that you will be punished for it and for your dishonesty however I do understand why you wanted to do it because he is an attractive young man. That is why I am not happy with the idea of going to stay with Ken but I am happy for the two of you to see each other if that is what you both wish following this punishment’ my mum says to me and I give her a big hug even though I know in a few minutes time she will be blistering my bottom. I am sent down to the bar to collect Ken and he looks calm sitting there with a coffee. I walk over to him and give him a gentle kiss on his cheek before helping him to his feet and leading him up to the room where we both notice the hairbrush and cane lying on the bed waiting for us.

‘Kirsten you have been punished many times before so you know the drill. Ken you will watch closely as you will be next and I will not be explaining the process to you’ my mum says as soon as we have closed the door and I immediately removed and neatly folded my skirt and knickers placing them on the chair before taking up my position over my mum’s lap with my legs slightly spread and hands flat on the floor. I have no doubt that Ken is watching closely and that is why I’ve spread my legs slightly so that he gets the most attractive view possible. I knew that there were going to be no warm-up smacks and this was true because the first smack cannoned into the middle of my right cheek and my foot twitched. From here the spanking started in earnest and I could feel my bottom getting redder and redder but this was nothing compared to the pain when my mum picked up the hairbrush.

I hate this hairbrush because although it is small it is very dense and hard. From the first smack I was yelping and kicking my feet round the place completely disregarding the fact that this will be giving Ken a brilliant view although it is probably also making him very nervous. One thing I didn’t do though was to try and put my hands in the way, or escape from my mum’s grip, because that only prolonged the punishment. After fifty smacks of the hairbrush I was ordered to get to my feet but was then immediately instructed to touch my toes.

‘You are going to receive twelve of my very best strokes of the cane Kirsten. I hope that this indicates how seriously I view your dishonesty in denying that you had sex in the toilet. I don’t have a problem with the fact that you wanted to have sex but the location was inappropriate’ my mum explains confirming what she had said earlier. Each of the strokes was very hard and when the twelfth had been delivered I stood up stiffly with tears streaming down my cheeks. Ken looked over at me and I could see the nervousness in his eyes.

‘I hope that you have been paying attention Ken because it is your turn now and if I have to explain anything to you then you will receive additional punishment’ Kirsten’s mum said as she was looking at me and I immediately removed my jeans and pants folding them neatly onto the chair on top of Kirsten’s. It was many years since I’d been spanked but all of the memories came back to me as soon as I was over the lap waiting for the first smack and when it did arrive I was amazed by just how hard it was. With each smack there was an immediate burst of fire on my bottom and even more so when she moved down to the tops of my thighs. I’d managed to remain silent during the spanking but with the first smack of the hairbrush I gave a yelp as it has such a concentrated sting at each point that it kissed leaving my whole bottom one throbbing mass of pain. Unfortunately for Ken my mum always delivered the last few smacks of the hairbrush to the very sensitive crease between bottom and thighs and with the first of these he let out a curse and bad language is something my mum just will not tolerate.

‘That will be twelve extra smacks’ Ken she says and proceeds to deliver them to the same area bringing a deep purple hue to the skin.

‘Ken you will now stand up before bending over and touching your toes so that I can give you twelve strokes of the cane’ my mum says and Ken does as he is told. Seeing Ken bent over like this is a gorgeous sight because his legs and bottom are so firmly muscled and it just makes the redness and bruising even more gorgeous. I watch my mum tapping the cane on Ken’s bottom and then the first stroke fizzes into the bottom. This is the first time I’ve seen my mum caning anyone and it was impressive raising immediate lines on the bottom and drawing a range of sounds from Ken but I am very impressed by how well he is taking it. It was almost a shame for me when the twelfth stroke landed and my mum told Ken that he could stand up but I’m sure that Ken didn’t see it that way to judge from the uncomfortable expression on his face.

‘Now you two I hope that you have learnt that I will not tolerate any dishonesty from you or inappropriate sexual activity however I do not mind you seeing each other if you wish and you are both adults so presuming that the sexual activity takes place in an appropriate location I will not stop it but misbehaviour will be severely dealt with’ my mum explains to both of us and I look at Ken and he looks at me. We give each other a kiss and know that we will be seeing each other again over the holiday but don’t know whether it will be a holiday romance or something more lasting just yet.

Secret found out: in loco parentis
My parents went away on holiday and left me in the care of my Aunt, Anne, who is a young schoolteacher and I know she is a strong believer in corporal punishment which neither of my parents are. Aunt Anne has babysat me for quite a lot of times and I’ve never had a problem with her so I think she might be all bark and no bite in respect of corporal punishment. One afternoon Aunt Anne has gone shopping so I was immediately on the phone to my boyfriend, Ken, getting him to come round and we are soon snogging half-naked on the bed when my heart sank as my bedroom door opened.

‘What is going on here?’ Aunt Anne demanded angrily.

‘It’s none of your business’ I stupidly retorted which only made Aunt Anne more livid.

‘You are very wrong there Kirsten. I’m standing in for your parents while they are on holiday so it is my business and you are living by my rules and punishments now. I know that your parents don’t believe in spanking but I certainly do and that is what you are going to feel’ Aunt Anne said angrily and I knew there was little I could do to stop it, ‘and you can sit on that chair and watch closely’ she continued looking directly at Ken. Aunt Anne left the room briefly returning with a wooden hairbrush and a cane.

‘You should have thought of the consequences before committing the sin’ Aunt Anne said to me as I looked pleadingly at her. Aunt Anne sat herself down on the end of my bed and hauled me unceremoniously over her lap and started to smack my bottom with the hairbrush. I give a cry of ‘aah’ with the first smack but there is no sympathy from Aunt Anne.

‘You can cry out as much as you like but it will not stop me from administering the appropriate punishment. I know when a naughty girl or boy is genuinely sorry for their actions and will continue with the punishment until this point is reached’ Aunt Anne says before delivering a second smack and paused again but this was only a temporary respite as suddenly the spanking started in earnest. Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack in very quick succession came the smacks followed by a pause and another six to bring the flames to another spot on my bottom. This pattern continued but the pauses seemed to become even briefer and my bum is in almost constant motion trying to escape from the insistent hairbrush but there was no loosening of Aunt Anne’s grip so I couldn’t get away.

‘You will stand in the corner with your nose against the wall and your hands on your head’ Aunt Anne says eventually after stopping lambasting my bum and I did as I was told with tears streaming down my cheeks.

‘You can now see how I punish misbehaviour young man. You can take the same from me or I will take you home and tell the whole sorry tale to your parents. The choice is yours’ I hear Aunt Anne saying to Ken.

‘I will take your punishment’ I hear Ken saying very quietly so I don’t want to think what his parents would do to him if he voluntarily accepts this punishment. From the sounds coming from behind me Ken’s punishment is every bit as fierce of mine and I sneaked a look, immediately wishing I hadn’t as the whole of his bottom was scarlet and even worse I was caught by Aunt Anne.

‘Don’t worry Kirsten you will soon be the focus of my attention. Boy you will go and stand in the corner with your nose against the wall and your hands on your head. Kirsten you will come here and get yourself over the pillows on the bed. You are going to receive twelve strokes of the cane’ Aunt Anne says. I look into Aunt Anne’s eyes hoping to see some hope of clemency but all I see is a look of determination so I decide not to argue and meekly take up my position over the pillows. I watch Aunt Anne raising the cane to a vertical and bring it down quickly onto my bare, vulnerable bottom. It landed with a loud crack and was followed by an immediate yell from me because it felt like it had cut me in two. I turned my head the other way because I didn’t want to see any more of the strokes approaching. Unlike with the spanking Aunt Anne took her time over the caning. This meant I fully appreciate the pain of each slashing stroke and a dread of the next one to build up. Swish, crack, aah was the pattern for each stroke with the only difference being my aah’s got louder as the caning continued.

‘There are two more strokes to go. Prepare yourself for these because these will be the worst of the lot’ Aunt Anne said and I had lost count so was glad of the information although fearful of what it meant for me. I doubted anything could be worse than what had gone before but they were much worse because Aunt Anne angled the cane so that it crossed all of the other stripes on my bottom. I gave a yell after the first one of these and dashed my hands back whereupon Aunt Anne flicked the cane down over my knuckles.

‘If you do that again you will get another six strokes. Remove your hands now!’ Aunt Anne said and I did as the twelfth and final stroke was delivered drawing an even sharper yell from me.

‘Stand up Kirsten’ Aunt Anne ordered and this was a painful act in itself, ‘put your hands together in front of you’ was the next command. Aunt Anne tied a ribbon around my thumbs so that I couldn’t even rub my bottom when I was sent back to the corner and this time I definitely wasn’t going to look round during Ken’s punishment. Ken was called back and took his position over the pillows and he only received six strokes as he hadn’t looked round but his strokes sounded even worse than mine did and I felt really bad on his behalf as it was entirely my fault that he’d been punished but I would apologise the next time I was speaking to him.

‘Boy you will get dressed and go home’ Aunt Anne said but unfortunately my own ordeal was not over yet.

‘I trust that you will obey all of my rules now Kirsten because if you do not I will double your punishment’ Aunt Anne says punctuating each word with a smack to my bottom and then delivering a fusillade at the end of the statement.

‘Yes Aunt Anne’ I wailed.

Mark 5:1-43

“And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.  And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,  Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:  Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.  And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.  But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,  And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.  For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.  And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.  And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.  Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.  And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.  And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.  And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.  And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.  And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.  And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.”  Mark 5:1-17 (KJV)

SEEKING FOR FREEDOM FROM A DEMONIC POWER AND PRESENCE. (Mark 5:1-17). If you look at the state of this man he is in a miserable condition.  If you want to know what Satan can do for you just take a look at this man and you will see.  He will leave you naked, hungry, poor, desolate, isolated, cold, deserted, lonely, and hopeless.  Is that the kind of life you want?  Is that the kind of life you want for a family member?   Is that the kind of life you want for a neighbor?  I would think not.

We live in a period of time where even some Christians are doubtful of demonic existence.  If we are to believe God and His Word, then we have no contrary opinion on the matter.  We believe it or we do not believe God or His Word.  There are some who want to equate this to what could be called “epilepsy”, “lunacy”, or “frenzy”.  How does one who does not believe in demonic influence explain “broken chains” and “cords”, and that no one could control him.
You will notice that the demon who is speaking to Jesus knows who Jesus is.   He calls Jesus, “Son of the most high God”.  It seems to me that it is the man who comes out, and seeking Jesus.  It was not just “coincidence” which brought Jesus to this side of the Sea of Galilee.   Jesus said in chapter 4, “Let us go to the other side”, and there was this man waiting there to be freed from this terrible bondage.

It seems this place is made up of Gentiles, because no Jewish people would be raising swine, and they have very little concern that a man has been freed from the bondage of a demon, and he is now in his “right mind”.  They were more concerned with the 2000 pigs that perished than they were for the man.  If we are not careful we can get so worldly minded we are of no heavenly good.  Jesus cares for the man, not material possessions.

J. C. Ryle points out these things about the situation:

‘The possession of a man’s body by the devil, was a real and true thing in the time of our Lord’s earthly ministry.

What an awfully cruel, powerful, and malicious being Satan is.

How complete is our Lord’s power and authority over the devil.”

As born again people – born from above and into the kingdom of God – we have no need to fear demons, hell or the devil.  He is a mighty foe, and he does seek to steal, kill and destroy anything of God’s he can get his hands on.  The apostle John tells us, “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world”  (1 John 4:4).

“And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him.  Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.  And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel.”  Mark 5:18-20 (KJV)

A FREED PEOPLE SEEK TO TELL OTHERS HOW TO BE FREE. (Mark 5:18-20). This man who had been possessed by a “Legion” of demons is now free and He desires to go with Jesus as He is leaving.  Jesus knows the best position for one to be in.  He tells the man to go to his home, and to tell his family and friends “how great things the Lord has done for you”.

It would only take a moment.  He had been enslaved by demons and many tried to control him with chains, and various types of bonds, but none would do.  Finally, he meets Jesus and is freed by the mere words of Jesus.  I cannot begin to think I could know how this man felt to have a clear mind, to be free from the invisible chains which drove him to such “insanity”, and “gross behavior”.  In any case it is similar to the freedom we all experience when we first trust Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  We were bound by chains of sin and darkness, and condemned to an eternity without Christ to the fires of Hell, and when we met Jesus He set us free, and gave us eternal life in  His presence.

We have much to tell our friends and family.  Let us do it with such excitement and enthusiasm as our friend in the tombs did.  We have been freed by Jesus, just as the man in the tombs was, let us be as free to share our testimony with our friends and loved ones.  They need to know.

“And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea.  And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet,  And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live.  And Jesus went with him; and much people followed him, and thronged him.  And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,  And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,  When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.  For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.  And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.  And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?  And his disciples said unto him, Thou seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?  And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.  But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.  And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.”  Mark 5:21-34 (KJV)

A WOMAN SEEKS FOR FREEDOM FROM HER TWELVE YEAR PHYSICAL AFFLICTION. (Mark 5:21-34).  It so happens that Jesus and His disciples have gone back to the West side of the Sea of Galilee now and there is a multitude waiting for them there.  Jairus, a “ruler of the synagogue” has approached Jesus concerning his “deathly ill” daughter.  As Jesus is walking through the crowd there is a woman who has been ill for twelve years with an “issue of blood”.  She has spent much of her money for “Physicians” to try and find out what is wrong with her, but to no avail.  She sees her only hope as being Jesus as he is in the crowd.  Her faith says, “If I may but touch the hem of His garment I will be healed”.

When she touches Jesus’ garment she “felt in her body that she was healed of that plague”.  Only thing Jesus realized there had been some  “Power” go out from Himself, and He turned to see who had “touched Him”.  Was He angry? No!  It seems to me that He was very much impressed with this woman of “Faith”.  Jesus asked, “Who touched my clothes?”  Well!  My goodness many said and we would do the same.  Lord, You are in a crowd of people, of course someone touched You.  It was a purposeful touch, not a accidental touch one might get while walking in a crowd of people.  It would be like being in a large mall and you have someone come up and purposefully grab your shirttail or coattail and you turn to see who it is and it is a friend.  I doubt the touch was as vigorous as that, but it would have a little similarity to it.

Can you imagine being afflicted with a plague such as this woman has endured for twelve years.  Can you imagine her desperation to find a cure, healing, help in any fashion.  This could not have been good for her health.  It is really kind of a marvel that she has not died.

Jesus commends her for her “Faith”.  “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague. Mark 5:34 (KJV)”.  Then, Jesus goes on with the man [Jairus] who came for Him concerning His daughter.

Do we have the faith of this woman.  Willing to risk it all knowing that Jesus is our only hope for healing,  health, life and eternal life.  Put your faith in Jesus, He will see you through it all.

“While he yet spake, there came from the ruler of the synagogue’s house certain which said, Thy daughter is dead: why troublest thou the Master any further?  As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, he saith unto the ruler of the synagogue, Be not afraid, only believe.  And he suffered no man to follow him, save Peter, and James, and John the brother of James.  And he cometh to the house of the ruler of the synagogue, and seeth the tumult, and them that wept and wailed greatly.  And when he was come in, he saith unto them, Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel is not dead, but sleepeth.  And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying.  And he took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha cumi; which is, being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise.  And straightway the damsel arose, and walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And they were astonished with a great astonishment.  And he charged them straitly that no man should know it; and commanded that something should be given her to eat.”  Mark 5:35-43 (KJV)

THE DAUGHTER DIES, BUT DO NOT BE AFRAID – JESUS RAISES HER TO LIFE AGAIN. (Mark 5:35-43).  Certainly, as we look at this event, of this “ruler of the synagogue” and his daughter we can learn at least two things.  First of all sin, illness, disease, death, and sorrow does not play favorites with age, and secondly, they do not play favorites with religious or political stature.  This child was twelve years of age.  The same period of time as that of the woman who was healed of her affliction.  It is bound to happen to any of us.  Death, disease, sickness, and plague hits us all, and it is to us all that the Scripture says,

“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:”  Hebrews 9:27 (KJV)

The only sad part about this event is that this young lady of twelve years would one day die again, and this time it was without Jesus raising her again.  It is sure that one day we will die, and our age or social stature will have no way of prevention in it.

It is evident that this “ruler” had respect for Jesus.  Note the words of his servant, “Why troublest thou the Master any further?”   This “Ruler” had evidently been teaching about Jesus or this man knew who Jesus was too.  It is amazing what people will do to find healing – even in our day.  People who have the means have been known to look the world over for a cure for cancer, or any other long, drawn out illness.  What if you do not have the “Means”?  What do you do then?  You can find rest, peace, security in Jesus.

The life of this young lady is not over yet, as long as Jesus can see her.  The real faith is seen in the girls father.  Despite the possibility of suffering ridicule from his peers in the “Ministry” he seeks out Jesus.  He risks his religious reputation to find Jesus to heal his daughter.

What is the life of a lost loved one worth?  That is a question we must ask ourselves and ask it every day.

The girl had died, but Jesus says to Jairus, “Be not afraid, only believe”.   Jesus is laughed to scorn by those who are there to “Mourn” the death of the child.  They are most likely paid mourners who have come for this purpose of mourning the dead for the family.  Jesus says that she is only asleep.  Cannot be a funeral if she is only asleep.  Jesus “Puts them all out”, and then He takes those who will believe with Him.  He “Put them all out” sounds as though He used a little force to do it.  “Get out!  Get out!”  Can you see it?  And people are always saying Jesus was always without anger.  Not so.  He is angry with the wicked, and everyday according to the Psalmist (Psalm 7:11).

-Tim A. Blankenship

Following previously posted news about the state of health (lack of it) of Supreme Ruler Ali Khamenei, a meeting took place at the Presidential Palace of Mahmoud Ahmadi-Nejad the Turd, on Pasteur Street, last night between 9 -11 p.m. and was attended by:

President Ahmadi Nejad

Major-General Firoozabadi, Commander of the IRGC (Revolutionary Guard)

Leadership Members of the Council of Experts (senior clerics)

1. Ali Akbar Rafsanjani – Council Chairman
2. Ahmad Janati – Council Secretary
3. Ghorbanali Dari Najafabadi – Member
4. Taghi Mesbah Yazdi – Member
5. Mohammad Reza Mahdavi Kani – Member
6. Seyed Ahmad Khatami – Temporary Friday Prayer Leader of Tehran & Member
7. Seyed Mahmoud Hashemi Shahroodi – Former Head of Judiciary & Member

In this meeting reports from Khamenei’s treating physicians  were reviewed and discussions took place about his replacement. (reportedly in the event of his death but more probably because he is dead)

Just another day at my advertising agency:

Me: Can you measure these layouts?
WIP: I’ve never measured layouts before.
Me: … All you need is a ruler and you measure it width by height.
WIP: Oh, okay.

10 minutes later
WIP:  The  layout measurements are all off.
Me: What do you mean?
WIP:  They are all longer than they are supposed to be.
Me: What???

So, I take the ruler and measure one of the layouts.  The layout size is correct.
Me: Can you show me how you measured it?

WIP takes the ruler and measures the layout – but she doesn’t line up the ruler from 0 but from the edge.

Me: Umm.. That’s not how you use a ruler.  You have to line it up from zero.
WIP: Are you sure?
Me (in my mind): YEAH YOU USELESS PIECE OF CRAP! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GETTING PAID FOR THIS JOB!!
Me (out loud): .. Yes.

10 minutes later
My supervisor: Did you ask WIP to measure the layouts?
Me: Yes.  Why?
My supervisor: She asked me how to use a ruler. I don’t think she trusted you.

WTF.