But the hardest has probably been that we’ve been following God – and starting to see the future. And I see God molding my husband and I into a world class team to do what He wants. And having things that seemed to move us in that direction – but the answer was no.  Or perhaps the answer was God’s way of saying, “I have something better coming for you.”

And so, as the disciples in the Bible were told to PRAY for 10 days before the coming of the Holy Spirit in Pentecost – we are in the middle, the between times, the times of uncertainty, where the answer is to pray.  And the time where God says to Jeremiah, “If racing with men makes you tired, how in the world are you going to run with horses?” (Jeremiah 12).

And somehow being an addict and an alcoholic is a part of the strength that God is making in me as I rely on Him.  God gives us these “way-points” along the paths of our past to remind us that God is there, that he is strengthening us to run with horses, and that He will not leave us.  I’ve had those times when there was NOTHING left in me to resist using drugs or alcohol, and I told God He would have to do it – and God was faithful.  I’ve been through the anniversary of the most painful time in my life – the death of my son – and God was there. Paralyzing, soul ripping grief, tears that seemed they would never stop - God was there.  Times when drugs or alcohol were easily available – boy do I try to avoid those times – and God was faithful.

And I count the miracles that God has done in my life. All the times I would have used alcohol or drugs if it wasn’t for God being with me. And I seem unable to explain exactly what God has done and how He has changed me, and my husband as well.  And so many others around me. Guess that’s what God means when He says we are surrounded by a “cloud of witnesses”.

But it goes beyond just, “God helped me do these things.”  God with me is part of it, but walking with God is more descriptive of what it is really like. And walking with God has changed me in so many ways – a new humbleness, a willingness to be taught by people, even people far different from me, a new love for all of God’s children – but goes beyond even that.

I used to have this terrible fear that if I really completely yielded to God, he would ask for things that would ruin and devastate my life. Like keep me from supporting my family, or something like that.  Instead, God has given me the strength I need.

I serve a God who even walked with me when I came back to Him, and stopped drinking and drugging.  I serve a God who loves me enough to be with me when I detoxed, who held my hand and was there is a mighty way – and yet was my friend. A God who loved me enough to reach his hand down and pull me up.  A God who gave me so many way-points to remember who He is, and his great love for me.

And so, being disappointed is a time to remember everything God has done – to pray to Him for strength – to gird for the future, to prepare to run with horses.  And I’d venture to say, if you don’t have these way-points in your life – it’s time to draw near to God, to ask him why – to get on your knees and ask God to become real to you- and to see Godly counsel to help you move towards God.

And if you don’t have those waypoints – maybe you just got clean, or just got to know God – stay close to those who do. Let me and others encourage you.  God can be with you in a mighty way as well.

Dr Allan Boesak`s Memoir

The long-awaited book by Dr Allan Boesak, now COPE member of the Western Cape provincial legislature, has eventually seen the light of day. Long waited because there have been hints that Dr Boesak would tell all about his indictment for allegedly misapropriating donor funding meant for the work of his Foundation for Peace and Justice.