sad-trombone « WordPress.com Tag Feed

Strange food violence

samaber — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:02:25 +0000

I can’t wait until someday I write an odd-ball story like this that winds up being linked to by almost every news network in the country. Today it is all about food violence.

Exhibit A: Raw meat.

The crime?

A 53-year-old was arrested after alledgedly hitting a man in the head with a raw steak. According to a Marion County Sheriff’s Office report, the man told deputies Elsie Egan repeatedly hit him with the uncooked meat and slapped his face after he refused a piece of sliced bread. The man said he wanted a bread roll.

Dude, just take the bread.

Exhibit B: Cooked Meat.

The crime?

A 25-year-old Port St. Lucie man was arrested for allegedly rubbing a hamburger on his wife’s face during an argument. Police said Daniel Boss and his wife got into it late Thursday night and started calling each other names. At some point, the woman apparently poured soda on Boss’ hamburger, causing him to grab the sandwich, rub it in her face and start throwing food.

Don’t cry over spilled soda, man.

Exhibit C: Steamy, sticky starch.

The crime?

A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff’s deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man’s face and arms. The man told deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed.

Uh, why would he sleep there if he were serious about breaking up? “It’s not you, it’s me. Man, am I tired!” I think that’s something George Costanza would do.

Now I’m going to get a little Debbie Downer on you, [SAD TROMBONE]. These are all examples of domestic violence that really should not be funny. Just like the Tiger Woods [possible?] domestic violence situation now and that SNL skit from last week.

But you know what? I laughed at every one. But then I felt guilty about it, I swear! But really, why are these things so damn funny? And more importantly, why can’t odd news happen near me, so I can have a story posted on every news site everywhere!!

Wah Wah Wah Waaaaaah.

amyloliquefaciens — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:50:14 +0000

Kind of a long day today at work. Tons to do, especially since somebody never answered any of my emails so I have no idea when they might be arriving tomorrow morning, or how much help I will have in the morning and how rushed I will be…grrr… She didn’t email Amy’s hours to her either, so I just asked her to come in at 8:30, and Amyna would tell her the rest of the week. I’m pretty sure Amyna wanted her there around 11, but I’ll need all the help I can get tomorrow, and she’s not going to do her job so I will make the call thank you!

If she doesn’t come in before 6:30 then I will be extremely pissed off, just to let you know. You guys have now had how many days in a row of me whining about work? Sick of it yet? Huh? Huh?

Here are some funny stories from today:

The hose connecting the faucet to the sprayhead in our dish sink in the back kinda burst a while back (and still hasn’t been replaced…ahem…) so Mitch kinda wrapped it in saran wrap and tape so that at least the water would just kind of run down the hose and not spray everywhere when we use it (it was still kind of running down behind the sink and then getting all over the floor but hey, it the best we could do). When I turned it on at first today there was a lovely stream of water shooting out from the hose onto the floor. Hooray. So I took another piece of saran wrap and kind of draped it over to just catch the water so it would fall into the sink. Ha, problem solved. After that however, I turn the water on and I’m washing my mixing bowl etc, and the saran wrap around the hose starts to expand rapidly, filling with water like a balloon. I panicked and turned the water off. I have no idea why this happened today, when we’ve been doing just fine all week long with our saran wrap patch, and the piece I added wasn’t even wrapped around it, so that couldn’t be the reason. Meh. Anyways I called my dad to let out some anger, and then carefully popped the bubble to let out the water, and wrapped a cloth around it instead. Now it kind of looks like it’s wearing a cape, which amuses me greatly.

The second little piece of slapstick comedy involved Paul and I trying to get two very large and heavy crates of water bottles up into the store. Bear in mind that it’s Sunday, so there aren’t too many entrances unlocked to get into the building. We thought that the stairwell from the parking lot behind the building would be the easiest way to go, so I went down and held the door open so it wouldn’t lock behind me, while Paul unloaded the water from his car. We got it in the stairwell, each lugged a crate up the stairs, then discovered that the door from the stairwell to the +15 was locked. So we lugged them back down, loaded them into the car again and drove around to the front of the building to go in the main entrance. I then had to juggle this super heavy crate (and I’m a weakling anyways you guys) while using my idisc key thing to get the door unlocked, then opening the door, and getting the elevator button. Once in the elevator I had to use the idisc again to go up, so I just put down the water while doing all that. The door opens and I’m picking the crate back up, Paul gets out of the elevator…and the door closes on me before I can get out and I go back down to the lobby. Fun. Times. What’s that I hear?

I think I should start doing some Christmas shopping, just get out of this work funk. Ooh, just got an email saying the one present I have bought (kings of leon t-shirt for my daddio) has finally been shipped. I ordered it almost two months ago and was getting kind of concerned. I must think of other presents…gotta start making lists.

He’s getting me a KOL hoodie, and hopefully a mug too (otherwise I’ll just get it myself after Christmas). He doesn’t know about the t-shirt though. I got a large, hopefully it fits.

Oh hey look what I made:

Okay not so much. I actually didn’t even get our house started. Bummer, but I had too much to do, not sure when I’m going to be able to do it, might have to give it up and let someone else have at’r. That would be sad.

I bought lots of candy today, some for the gingerbread house, but most just for me. Toblerone and Toffifee…mmm… I had kind of a pig out day, to make up for basically eating one meal a day for the past week. Sausage and egg Mcmuffin (with hashbrown, obv) for breakfast/lunch, then a huuuge Sukiyaki beef noodle soup for lunch/dinner. Delicious!

It’s supposed to snow kinda lots this week. I hope the city has prepared for this.

Oh! Tattoo on Tuesday!! Very excited to see it finished.

Sound FX make everything better...

thecheyne — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:26:17 +0000

…or worse! Punctuate any conversation with the help of these familiar sound FX!

Sad Trombone(perfect for Debbie Downer moments)
Nelson Ha-ha (perfect for everything!)

Ogurt Theme Park

adamogron — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:22:06 +0000

Roller coasters that move a whopping 12 feet before ejecting you out of your seat like a catapult into a pool of grits. “The Ham Wheel” where an entire Ferris Wheel is composed of sandwich ham. Whack-a-goiter…

Pay five dollars to a midget dressed like Zorro, then stand in line for an hour, walk through a short tunnel and put your head through a hole in a plywood wall while another midget dressed like Dauber from Coach blows a trombone in your face. Ride over.

Tsunami force wave pools filled with squash casserole with inner tubes made of inflated sweat pants. Free meat helmets. Find the needle in the gut flap. This is where we enslave Hoosier women who weigh over 900 pounds and hide sewing needles in their gut flaps. You dig through the cheese, find the needle, and win a prize!! (a wad of duct tape).

The “Become a Denny’s regular” booth. Do whatever you can to convince our panel of experts (Denny’s regulars from ogurt capitals like Baltimore and Louisville) that you should spend the rest of your waking moments on a bar stool at our Denny’s restaurant re-enactment exhibit slurping coffee and complaining about bizarre conspiracy theories. For example how the government can spy on us through a Pop Tart or that asteroids are in reality giant loogies hurled at the earth by God trying to wash out forest fires. Who was the greatest arm wrestler of all time?

We will designate you a regular by putting clothes on you that you can never wash again and smearing your hair with Vaseline and then send you to the Whack-a-goiter booth where you will have your goiters (after becoming a Denny’s regular goiters automatically sprout up) smashed by hateful children during your breaks from complaining and coffee slurping.

I think this could really work… I know a buddy who owns some imaginary land near a landfill that has a sewage moat around it filled with sea cucumbers and cold soap. Yeah… an ogurt theme park… If you have any ideas for me post ‘em in the comments. Oh ya. Oh ya! OH YA!!!

"Top" 4 instant sound effect sites

Rajendra Kumar Sahoo — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 08:33:35 +0000

By Jason Clarke, Downloadsquad.com

It’s embarrassing to admit how long I’ve spent looking online for single-purpose sound effect sites like Instant Rimshot (first mentioned on Download Squad here), and it turns out that it is very difficult to Google for these things. My goal was to present the top 5 sites that exist simply to feature a single sound effect, but instead you’re getting the “top” four. And by “top” I mean “only”. Hopefully some of you can post more in the comments.

Instant Rimshot
The classic, and likely original site in the genre. Load this site up before you tell a joke, and hit the button to punctuate your punch line.

Sad Trombone
Created in response to Instant Rimshot, sad trombone is useful when delivering bad news. “Honey, I accidentally drove the car into the garage door…” insert sad trombone sound here. Your significant other will be laughing so hard they won’t mind the bad news.

Instant Crickets
An alternative that is probably good to have open alongside Instant Rimshot when telling a joke. Use Instant Crickets when your joke doesn’t go over well at all. This site is particularly useful in corporate meetings when telling politically incorrect jokes.

Emergency Yodel
When everything seems to be getting you down, you can always rely on your Emergency Yodel button. Yodels are like hugs, making everything just a little bit better. Maybe when my aunt Beatrice comes to town again she’ll accept a yodel instead of a hug? (insert Instant Crickets sound here)

Added:

Bom Bom Bom Bom Wooooo
The sad horns sound effect from a well-known television game show where you attempt to guess the prices of everyday products. In my opinion, a better sound than Sad Trombone.
- SirCrumpet

Swanee Whistle
Basically just a down/up slide whistle sound. In some ways by itself it’s more sad than a sad trombone. Not sure how you’d use it, since it’s not all that festive sounding.
- rijit

Epic Oneliner
David Caruso’s acting skills are legendary, so why not punctuate your day with sunglasses and his serious mug?
- -xerigen

Khaaan
Beware, clicking this link will open a full-screen image of William Shatner’s face. You have been warned.
- Sir Loin

Mister Nice Hands
Bad taste alert – this is a pull-my-finger page.
- winry (digg)

Instant Tumbleweed
Another one that seems to have no real purpose. I guess you look at it when you’re feeling lonely?
- scheibs14 (digg)

Nelson Haha
Perfect for that moment when your office mate makes a ridiculously obvious suggestion, or spills coffee all over themself.
- Roobix

Drama Button
Okay, this late addition is my new favorite of the bunch. Keep it in your back pocket for when you have to deliver some bad news: “Honey, I took our rent money to the track and I… lost it all.” (Drama Button) It won’t save your relationship, but it sure is a fun way to end it.

"a volta dos que não foram": galvão, eu já sabia!

b. — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:56:23 +0000

Eu sei que ando sumida, mas não, não estamos falando de mim. O Urbe postou hoje aquela que foi a minha especulação master de 2008: parece mesmo que os Los Hermanos vão abrir para o Radiohead.

Na foto: Amarante faz cara de espanto, Camelo faz cara de pedófilo, Bruno faz cara de quem escreve pro G1 e Barba comemora a chance de pôr comida em casa.

Não era tão difícil assim prever, na verdade, já que a vida tava aí dando as pistas pra gente como quem não quer nada. Primeiro anunciaram que o show do Radiocabeça ia fazer parte de um Festival que contaria ainda “com atrações nacionais”. Depois rolou o episódio em que a galere lá da firma telefonou pro Simon (na persona de empresário do Little Joy e não dos Los Hermanos) e ele não pôde falar na hora porque estava “enrolado em uma reunião vendo os lances do Radiohead”. Por último, foi o Amarante dizendo lá na gringa que a banda iria se reunir para um único show no Brasil em 2009. Eu twittei, tentei convencer os amigo-jornalista-tudo de que valia investigar a história e ninguém nem tchuns. Ainda fui zoada quando divulgaram que a abertura ficaria por conta do Kraftwerk, com direito a sad trombone e tudo.

Daí que agora eu tô escrevendo aqui pra colocar o dedo na cara de vocês (brinks) e levantar a placa galvão-eu-já-sabia (nem é brinks). E também porque eu acho que a notícia, além de conferir more respect à minha porção Mãe Diná, vai antecipar a histeria coletiva. Se você é tipo eu e não comprou ainda o ingresso, sugiro que CORRÃO. Depois não diz que eu não avisei.

(Sobre o retorno da banda eu escrevo em um post separado. Ou não, né, porque muita pregs.)

Whant Wha - Another Sad Trombone Sound

maxkenkel — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:35:19 +0000

This really looks like a wasteland. Huh. As a follow up to a previous post (Evicting Homelessness),

Sad trombone

joshisfunny — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 22:30:14 +0000

Because nothing is funnier than failure…

Click here to listen

sad trombone

roxxen — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:56:56 +0000

If you haven’t already…check out sadtrombone.com…

The Man is feeling very sad trombone this evening…

wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaah

Links for 10.9.08: Chinese Democracy!, Obama O's, Sleeveface book...

Josh Kimball — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 01:39:23 +0000

*HOLY MOLY: Guns ‘N Roses’ long-awaited album, Chinese Democracy, will drop by Thanksgiving exclusively at Best Buy stores. As previously noted multiple times on this repetitive blog, Dr. Pepper has promised a free can for everyone in the U.S. if the album drops by the end of the year. [universal music group! - How annoying is it that Stereogum keeps self-linking in this linked-to post? Answer: Outrageously and insultingly so!]

*Album covers: There’s a Sleeveface (which is the act of holding an album cover with a face on it over your own face as you pose for a photo) book coming out. Seriously, how long until we see a Boner Party book? This guy’s prediction? Not long. Also, two thumbs. Up.

*Belgium: Jacques Brel’s things are being auctioned off by Sotheby’s despite protests from his family. You should listen to some Jacques Brel. Ideally on a phonograph. While drunk. Off of red wine.

*Family: Is Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant again, four months after giving birth? [parentdish]

*Politics: Which one? That one. Also: Rednecks for Obama.

*Cereal: Obama O’s and Cap’N McCains. [coudal]

*Independent film: Good Dick. It comes out tomorrow. Perverts. [fimoculous]

*Sounds: The instant rimshot (for humor) and the sad trombone (for sadness). Perverts!!!!!

Sad Trombone

heatherinparadise — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:12:33 +0000

My friend Rob directed me to this poor little sad trombone and it’s just too good not to share. It cracks me up every time, even after about 413 clicks. Comes in handy when I’m pissing off people on the internet left and right.