Okay somebody asked me to chronicle my night shift and that may help me pass the time. So here it is… brace yourselves…

So I woke up 9:59pm and literally had to be out the door by 10:05pm – no time to shower, barely enough time to brush teeth, throw on clothes and Go. I don’t have to be to work until 11pm but I live a long way from where I work :’(.

Driving in to work, passing through downtown Austin on I-35 the speed limit is 55mph. I actually found myself saying in the car “Can Somebody PLEASE go 55?!?” because everyone was going 45 max. Wtf? There wasn’t heavy traffic but enough to be stuck behind it and no reason whatsoever anywhere for everybody to be going *below* the speed limit.

My job is to answer a phone and be here for the emergencies which come up (which they do), but outside the door of the tiny room we have there’s a guy who runs this very loud floor waxing machine. I swear every time the telephone rings, he slams the doors with it. It’s very hard to answer a telephone when all you can hear is a loud machine whamming into the door. Trying to address him does no good, he doesn’t speak English.

I’m approximately 15 minutes into watching “He’s just not that into you” and I already want to strangle Gigi. Or at least tie her to a therapists couch. I’m honestly not really sure there’s any help for her though, or for all the far too many women out there *like* her. She’s just nuts. Rather, *desperate* beyond any reason or ability to function sanely. I just could not be friends with someone like that. I’d stare at them like they’re a freak show within the first few sentences out of their mouth, then be exhausted by the end of a paragraph. So much neurosis just takes too much energy and effort toward Drama. Ugh.
I *so* would not be the over-supportive friend who always says “He’ll call”. I’m more the “Huh. Bummer. Well okay then <move on…>”.

It’s the self-respect factor. I can’t get over that… the woman is automatically into anyone willing to be into her? I’ve had so many roommates like that. Have one now. She’s cute as can be and very sweet and intelligent… but something inside lacking. She’ll be with whatever cute guy shows her the attention. She’s aware of this, even, but doesn’t know what to do. Granted, the girl is quite young and has hormones working against her. That’s a bummer of a catch really.

I’m willing to give you a chance, but I make no assumptions. I guess I’m a hard sell. Honestly an over-abundance of self-respect I really have no right to. I’m a peasant, single, not overly attractive and have the worse god-cursed teeth, but.. Headstrong beyond. Defiant. I cannot *not* respect myself to the hilt. Lol.

I have discovered that as the night goes on, I get an accent. People have noted to me before that I sound like I have an accent and enquired but I’ve no idea why… other than to say it must be a collective from the world. I have lived in several U.S. regions and tend to watch a lot of other-accented films and such – only thing I can figure is that somewhere, somehow, my most-self voice has become a bit of a collective inflection. Odd, I know…I know. What can I say? We’re always supposed to have some sort of hard-core valid reason for sounding different, but all I can really say to it is “huh.”.

Further in to the film – of course completely love Alex. I have always had a soft spot for that actor, though, so he had my attention early on (Justin Long). But still – the complete honesty mixed with intelligence and the ability to *hold a conversation* while still being gorgeous? These men exist for the elite “typical pretty” women only. Bombshells born lucky, really. Granted, generally those actually-nice *men* (note MEN, not immature guys) do have to take some disappointment and damage before they find their right bombshell who’s not going to treat *them* like a blind piece of ass.
And of course there’s all those dreamy nay-sayers who are all “No no…don’t say that, that’s jaded” who are in league with the “he’ll call” folk but don’t realize it. But the truth of the matter is, I hate the fact that if you state how the world really *is*, what reality is at least 90% of the time, people fucking look down on you for not worshipping that 10% like society’s marketers tell you to. I’m a completely soft romantic dreamer who is *also* a very pragmatic realist – who knew?

On a side note, I’ve always been very happy to hear Justin Long is with Drew Barrymore. I adore Drew completely and the two of them just seem so well matched. Hope it works out.

You know it’s the flattery factor. I know when I was like 18 to about 24 I was more prone to being attracted-by-flattery. It’s really so very flattering when someone likes you. It is. That flattery can mask itself as attraction and you become attracted to them on the news that they’re attracted to you. But then it turns out, as you go further in, that though it’s flattering it’s just not there. I caused hurt to many because of the flattery factor but the truth of the matter is, it’s unavoidable. That is simply how it is – your attraction *can be* affected by their attraction to you. But that’s only surface, it doesn’t stay. But many women seems to stay in this flattery factor phase. Someone being attracted to them, attracts them…that attention on them. For me, my own self-respect over took it. Is that completely narcissistic? I don’t know. Maybe so. I am never the one to say if one is even healthier than the other, because one isn’t perpetually single while the other is. I’m not lonely either though, but I suspect that’s just acclimation – when self-respect overtook flattery I got used to Me, and loneliness was left behind.

People need to learn to throw away pens when they don’t write well anymore. Even the most unsentimental, never keep anything people I’ve come across never just Toss Out their frickin’ pens that don’t write. Someone said it’s laziness but how does it take more energy to toss out something then to keep it and continually have to put it back in a drawer and fetch another? If I get it and it won’t write, screw it, OUT…next up…

Wow I’m coming off as a completely horrible person in this, probably, but then anybody realistic at all usually does. So go figure.

3 hrs to go…

Pepsi changed their logo again !?! Every time they do they step further and further away from any possible association with the favored drink of one’s childhood and therefore any nostalgic loyalty.

Now watching “The Bank Job”. Saffron Burrows will always get me to watch anything. Felt bad I missed in the theaters, honestly, because hers is a career I will support. Granted, that kind of reasoning got me into “The Ring” for Naomi Watts, another great actress, who now owes my terrified ass a drink. Saffron is the finest example of “actress”. If you have never seen “Miss Julie” you have not yet seen true acting. Down to the grit of the bone, that woman goes. Classical beauty too, so what’s not to see? Plus, I admit I do recall something about the original incident this film was based on, oddly, it caught my attention somewhere in time so been wanting to see the film.

Within the first half hour of the show I’m already calling “toast” on characters (pegging those who will die). Anybody both likable and innocent seeming in a film is always there to make you feel bad when they are collateral damage, basically.

Phones have actually been fairly busy at times tonight. First film took what…3 1/2 hrs to watch? Lol. That’s always good – I will never mind doing what I’m here to do, over anything else.

Brothers All-Natural Fruit Crisps..”The Healthy Snack…the one Mother Nature would eat!” I don’t know why but somehow this statement strikes me as cannibalistic. I’m like “ew – Mother Nature eating her own apples?!?” lol

Our monthly compendium of stuff that didn’t get a full post, for one reason or another.

There’s just one more month left in the decade (unless you’re one of those weirdos who complain, “the decade begins with 1…”), meaning it’s not too early to start looking back. The 00’s were a decade that likely will never be remembered as a particularly good one for American film; we put it somewhere between the 1950s and maybe – maybe – the 80s in terms of total quality work produced. The amount of dumb, cynical, artless trash far outweighed the good, but then again that’s sadly, probably true of any given time period.

Anyway, here’s our monthly roundup of items of interest that didn’t deserve or receive a full blog post. All our opinions are our own, and all graphics are stuff we found lying around the Internet.

1. This month’s hysteria regarding the release of The Twilight Saga: New Moon came with an earnest attempt at a backlash dogging its wake, as critics from every corner of the media – and especially online – did their best to counter-shout the series’ fans. Not to defend the sparkly vampires, but anyone decrying the phenomenon shouldn’t feel surprised at its popularity. Vampires are a steady, resurgent franchise in American culture, and it makes sense that a version catering to the American Idol generation would surface sooner or later. If Twilight is superficial, mawkish, and clumsily obtuse, it’s only giving its audience what they’ve come to expect from pop entertainment.

2. While we’re on the subject of pop culture and what’s wrong with it, two news items this past week about David Hasselhoff and Donny Osmond underscored a major reason for the current media malaise. Celebrities don’t burn out anymore. They fade… and fade… and fade away. The proliferation of cable channels and other media outlets means everyone gets camera time long after their 15 minutes have worn off. Except all that detritus has become dead weight upon the public radar, with chances for the emergence of new talent becoming that much more remote. Much like pop music at the end of the 1980s, the film and TV industries are in desperate need of fresh air, the sooner the better. More than that, the industries have got to stop cashing in on the past because it’s cheap and safe.

3. Someone else said – but we’re happy to originate the idea – that George Clooney has two screen personae: there’s the talented ensemble actor, the guy that does offbeat work like O Brother, Where Art Thou and The Men Who Stare At Goats, and there’s his American Leading Man mode that you see in stuff like Michael Clatyon and the Ocean’s saga. We’re looking forward to December’s Up In The Air because it might present the first combination of the two while finally getting Gorgeous George the widespread critical respect he’s deserved for years. Here’s the trailer, in the unlikely event you haven’t seen it yet:

Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela

4. Another pervasive trailer this month previewed Clint Eastwood’s new Invictus, about the true story of South African president Nelson Mandela’s attempt to bring the post-Apartheid nation together via the 1995 Rugby World Cup games. While the idea of Matt Damon playing a rugby champion isn’t really surprising, the casting of Morgan Freeman as Mandela is one of those lightning-strike “why hasn’t this happened already” castings that happen every blue moon or so. It also makes us wish by free association that Steven Spielberg would make his Liam Neeson-starring biopic of Abraham Lincoln already. Still and all, props to Freeman for taking the role and props to Eastwood for tackling such unexpected (for him) material. The film debuts December 11.

Burrows to join L&O: CI

5. This time last year we bitched that the USA Network couldn’t nail down a season premiere for its Law & Order: Criminal Intent franchise. Now the show’s reportedly getting a virtually all-new cast when it returns “early” next year. Series regulars Vincent D’Onofrio, Kathryn Erbe, Eric Bogosian and Julianne Nicholson will all depart after the series’ ninth season opener. Saffron Burrows (The Bank Job) replaces Nicholson, while Bogosian will be replaced by Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio (The Perfect Storm). The newer, streamlined show will feature sole returning star Jeff Goldblum in every episode.

Though we like Goldblum as an actor and in his L&O: CI role, we also remember that his last effort at headlining a detective show lasted seven weeks, even with Graham Yost (Band of Brothers) as showrunner. We liked that show, too.

6. Elsewhere on basic cable, TNT announced this month they would pick up broadcast rights to Southland, the promising cop drama that NBC stupidly cancelled in October. Possibly as a way to afford the ensemble cast, the network has dropped their original series Raising The Bar from its schedule, with a second season for Dark Blue, its other cop show, stuck in limbo. Meanwhile their new Men of A Certain Age premieres next Monday. Anything with Andre Braugher or Scott Bakula has got our attention for at least a few weeks, and this has them both.

Renner in The Hurt Locker

7. Already among the year’s – if not the decade’s – most highly praised films despite only a limited release last summer, The Hurt Locker premieres on DVD and Blu-Ray January 12. The gritty drama co-stars Jeremy Renner, one of the best young actors around right now following his superb performances in ABC’s The Unusuals and onscreen in 2007’s The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. We’re glad his turn here is getting him some attention.

We value our female readership, and stuff like this never hurts.

8. You know it’s close to December when three of the top ten films have “Oscar Bait” written all over them. The Blind Side currently makes the most money (despite scathing reviews), while Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire and The Road are both still building momentum. In light of the sweeping changes made to the Academy’s voting process this year, however, it’s still too early to guess which film has the inside track towards Best Picture. If we had to suppose, we imagine Rob Marshall’s Nine will take the statue. It’s got a shitload of razzle dazzle (remember Marshall’s Chicago won in 2003), a screenplay co-written by the late Anthony Minghella, and a broad cast of flashy actors like Daniel Day-Lewis and Nicole Kidman. In years past such a combination would be like crack for Academy voters, but the new rules could change things up.

Watch the embedding—proof HD Trailer for Nine here, much of which looks an awful lot like an Oscar ceremony musical number.

Thanks for reading. We were a day late posting this, and we apologize for the delay – real life’s been pimp-slapping our writing time lately. We’ll be back later this week.

- Michael Kabel

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Una mujer pierde su trabajo, su novio y descubre que padece una enfermedad terminal prácticamente al mismo tiempo. En vez de desanimarse, decide reunir todos los proyectos que nunca había podido realizar, y lanzarse a completarlos hasta donde le sea posible. Sin Ataduras es una cinta de Amy Redford que, a primera vista, podría parecer una simple historia sensiblera, pero en realidad es un estudio bastante profundo de la conducta humana, y de cómo es posible seguir sacándole partido a la vida a pesar de tener todo en contra. Es emocionalmente muy fuerte, pero bastante recomendable.

Un film del 2009, regia di Jonas Pate, con Kevin Spacey / Robin Williams / Laura Ramsey / Saffron Burrows. Prodotto da (110min)

Drammatico

Incapace di superare la tragedia personale che l’ha colpito, un celebre psichiatra di Los Angeles cade in depressione e diventa dipendente dalla marijuana. Tra le sue difficoltà, anche l’incapacità di aiutare i propri pazienti.

Now that it has been announced that Mary Elizabeth “Maid Marion” Mastrantonio will take the captain’s chair for the new season of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, I wanted to put my two cents in. While many have scoffed at the full departure of Vincent D’Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe (Goran and Eames), I am actually excited about the prospect of new blood. Plus we can finally put Erbe out of her misery; that poor woman was treated like Goran’s chew toy for 8 seasons. Jeff Goldblum is taking over full control of the male lead, after a season of splitting the show with D’Onofrio. And he’s getting a new female partner, in the lover-ly form of Britain’s Saffron Burrows. Not one episode has aired yet, and she is already 10 times better than the last 2 girls combined (aka the redhead and the freckled girl with no personality). Here’s the history folks.

When Law & Order: Criminal Intent debuted in 2001 on NBC, it was pitched as a Sherlock & Watson version of the show. Special Victims Unit had successfully separated itself from the original L&O, and CI needed its own angle. The problem was that focusing solely on the detectives (no court stuff), already made the show different. D’Onofrio was given so many more lines than Erbe that it made her character seem unnecessary.  If you go back and watch the early episodes, the best scenes were when the two lead characters worked together on equal terms. They would “play act” as a married couple, siblings, etc. Throughout the seasons there would be some Eames centered episodes, but a balance would have been much better for the show. Nothing against D’Onofrio, but he’s no Brando.

Beginning in 2005, NBC began to alternate the leads. Chris Noth would take over every other week, so that D’Onofrio (who was suffering exhaustion), could have a week off. Noth was partnered with the fantastic Annabella Sciorra, fresh off of her Sopranos role, but Noth episodes were not pulling their weight in the ratings. Low(ish) ratings, and a better deal with creative lead the show to the USA network after six years with NBC. USA has been able to maintain high ratings for the show, but there have been some bumps along the way. First, Jamey Sheridan dropped out as the Lt in command of the Homicide unit. This wouldn’t have been a total loss if the bosses had found a suitable replacement. The new guy, Eric Bogosian, is so GD awful, with his wing-tips and his ten pound eye bags, that I winch every time he speaks! Sciorra dropped out as well, after only one season. Her replacements have been, um, not good.

Last season saw the emergence of some positive energy. Jeff Goldblum, in second career mode, has taken over Noth’s spot with aplomb – which is a word that I so rarely get to use, so thank you Jeff! In the coming season, it will be Goldblum, alongside Burrows, with Mastrantonio as the Lt. For the first time in years, CI will again be a part of my “must watch” list each week.

In a world where people are presented with problems, a world where everything just doesn’t go as it seems, this world, the world that we live in, we tell our problems to those who can help us. Shrinks. However, who are there for them, to hear their problems? Shrink is a powerful, emotional and unique film which focuses on the world which is slightly more controversial than people care to admit. It tells the stories of a string of numerous individuals which eventually meet at an emotional junction by the end of the film.

One of those individuals is Dr. Henry Carter (Kevin Spacey), a highly paid professional shrink for the stars on the verge of an emotional breakdown himself. Having recently suffered severe and emotionally painful events, he starts to lose his connection with his patients, it could be said that ‘Shrink‘ focuses on his self-discovery. The film also features the likes of; Holden (Robin Williams) an alcoholic who feels as if he has lost his masculinity, Kate (Saffron Burrows) a celebrity mother who’s boyfriend is cheating on her, Shamus (Jack Huston), a trying drug addicted actor who desperately searches for work, Daisy (Pell James) the assistant to a hypochondriacal agent, Jemma (Keke Palmer) a struggling African American coming to terms with her mother’s suicide, Patrick (Dallas Roberts) the hypochondriacal agent previously mentioned and Jeremy (Mark Webber), a budding and talented writer who struggles with establishing a reputation in the film and literary industry. Spacey’s performance throughout the film has to be commended though, its sharp, on edge and displays a profound vulnerable side to his character. It also has to be noted that he so effortlessly creates a side to the protagonist which desires emotion but at the same time pushes it away with the frequent use of drugs.

Shrink deals with many disputatious issues including; drug use, the pressures of the workplace, society’s expectation of said individual, surrogacy, commitment and ultimately, the ability to deal with grief. These issues on the other hand are combated impressively at a constant rate throughout the entire film and it brings me pleasure to say that this is in fact a well made film, it’s also independent which makes it ever more enjoyable. Shrink gives us an insight into the darker side of Hollywood and that behind all the glamour and all the commercialisation, lies a vulnerable foundation; the people Hollywood rely on. An excellent film which comes with an excellent recommendation from me.

…Living Colour! Znowu w Polsce! Yeah! I to w moim rodzinnym mieście. Radość wielka będzie 29 stycznia 2010. Zwłaszcza, że będą promować absolutnie znakomity album “The Chair In The Doorway” (w Polsce Mystic Production). Ja po prostu uwielbiam sposób, w jaki ci faceci bawią się konwencjami. Lekko, swobodnie ze zwinnością radzieckiej gimnastyczki sportowej skaczą z rocka w soul, z soulu w funky, pohałasują trochę elektronicznie, rozhulają tanecznym pulsem, pojazzują, rzucą coś w reggae albo, ku zaskoczeniu, zagrają po prostu prostą rockową piosenkę. Corey, Vernon, Doug i Will z upływem czasu nic nie tracą na jakości jako muzycy. Wprost przeciwnie, oni są coraz lepsi. Nie wiem, jak to robią, ale to robią.

 Bardzo mnie do siebie przekonując każdą płytą. To nie jest prosta sprawa, aby startując od takiego arcydzieła, jakim bez wątpienia był “Vivid”, zachować poziom i klasę na następnych produkcjach. Living Colour nigdy nie zawodził. Pamiętam, jak dość mocno mieszano z błotem “Stain”. Tylko niech ci, którzy to robili, pokażą mi zespół, który w tamtym czasie nagrywał takie perełki, jak “Leave It Alone”, “Ignorance Is Bliss” czy “Nothingness”. “Collideoscope” sukcesu nie odniósł, a przecież było na nim kilka fantastycznych numerów – “Holly Roller” czy wzruszająca ballada “Flying”. O kapitalnych coverach AC/DC i The Beatles nawet nie wspominam. Living Colour już od “jedynki” słynęli z doskonałych przeróbek, a najbardziej spośród nich zapadła mi w pamięć ultraszybka wersja “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” The Clash.

 Ze smutkiem przeczytałem, że “The Chair In The Doorway” w pierwszym tygodniu sprzedał się w USA w niewiele ponad 2 tys. egzemplarzy (nasz Behemoth ponad dwa razy tyle). Świat ewidentnie schodzi na psy. Nie docenić takiego albumu… Trudno mi to pojąć. W tych kilkunastu krótkich piosenkach jest tyle fajnej treści, że trudno się nie zachwycić. Bycie ambitnym nie jest dziś opłacalne. Szczęśliwie Living Colour to doskonali muzycy, którzy wcześniej zarobili na trzeci filar i dziś mogą robić to, co chcą, mając gdzieś mainstream.

 Jednym z milszych wspomnień mojej wywiadowczej kariery na pewno pozostanie rozmowa z Vernonem na kilka tygodni przed koncertem w Stodole. Byłem zszokowany tym, jakie ten facet ma szerokie horyzonty muzyczne. Gdy wymienił jako jednego ze swoich ulubionych gitarzystów gościa z Necrophagist, myślałem że robi sobie ze mnie jaja. Nie robił. Oglądanie go w akcji powinno wejść do programu obowiązkowego w klasach gitary w szkołach muzycznych. Zresztą trójki jego kolegów z LC również. “The Chair In The Doorway” to dla mnie z pewnością ścisła czołówka płyt 2009 roku. Mam nadzieję, graniczącą dość blisko z pewnością, że koncert nowojorczyków będzie w szpicy przedniej moich wydarzeń artystycznych roku następnego.

 Dobrze, że w majorsach pozostało kilku, dosłownie, ludzi, którzy znają się na swojej robocie i na muzyce. Rzecz jasna, muszą lansować masę gównianej muzyki, aby słupki sprzedażowe utrzymały się na przyzwoitym poziomie, zachodni właściciel nie dostał piany i nie pozwalniał załogi. Ci kumaci z majorsów wiedzą, kiedy trafia w ich ręce wartościowa muzyka. Jakieś dwa z hakiem miesiące temu, będąc w siedzibie polskiego Warnera poznałem po raz pierwszy twórczość Charliego Winstona. Mariusz Lipiński, człowiek od Warnerowej promocji (bez dwóch zdań jeden z najlepszych w te klocki spośród wszystkich, jakich spotkałem na swej drodze), był tą osobą, która powiedziała mi: “Zwróć uwagę na tego faceta”. Pokazał mi wtedy klip do piosenki “Like A Hobo”. Niechlujnie ubrany koleżka, taka uwspółcześniona wersja Toma Waitsa/Nicka Cave’a/Scotta Walkera z wibrującym głosem trochę a la Anthony Hegarty, zrobił na mnie wrażenie. Ale wiadomo, po jednej piosence trudno kogoś oceniać. Dziś już jestem mądrzejszy, bo album “Hobo” poznałem w całości. I Mariuszowi niech będą dzięki po stokroć!

 Charlie pewnikiem będzie śledzony przeze mnie uważnie, bo talent ma nieprzeciętny, głos przejmujący, zdolności do aranżacji imponujące. Czego to nie ma na jego krążku – fortepian, klawisze, harmonijka, kontrabas, skrzypce, altówka, wiolonczela, puzon, dulcimer, Hammondy, jest i próbka beatboxu. Poza tym oczywiście gitary, bas i perkusja. Sporo, nieprawdaż? Ale całość jest tak zmyślnie pukładana, że nie ma mowy o barokowym przeroście, czy chaosie. Charlie dobrze śpiewa, wiele emocji potrafi przekazać głosem, głównie niestety tych smutnych. Fajnie wychodzą mu skoczne, wręcz taneczne piosenki, a także wolno płynące ballady z towarzyszeniem fortepianu, czy podniosłe piosenki (fenomenalne “Boxes”!). Jest jeszcze jedno – teksty Charliego są o czymś. Prawda, do pośmiania się nie ma w nich za wiele, żal, gorycz, zawód, tęsknota czają się pod każdą niemal linijką, ale nie żyjemy w świecie, który nie rozpieszcza nas radościami, więc taki szczery i prześlicznie podany przekaz powinien trafić do wielu. Tylko trzeba dać Charliemu szansę, więc marsz do sklepów! Straszną przyjemność sprawia mi słuchanie i recenzowanie takich płyt. Mariusz, dzięki raz jeszcze i czekam na kolejne rekomendacje

 Część muzyczna trzecia i przedostatnia postu, i kolejne wydawnictwo, które powinno dać wiele radości. W szczególności tym, którzy zatykają uszy, gdy puszczają Lady GaGę, itp. “Touch Yello” szwajcarskiego Yello to ciekawy, wyrafinowany pop z domieszką jazzu, smooth jazzu, tanecznych rytmów, ambitnej elektroniki, ambientu. Niezwykle starannie zaaranżowany przez Borisa Blanka, z udziałem znakomitego jazzmana Tilla Brönnera, który kilka piosenek świetnie ozdobił swoją trąbką, rodaczki Borisa i Dietera Meiera, mało znanej u nas Heidi Happy (wizualnie pani/panna kojarzy mi się trochę z Sherylin Fenn, czyli niezapomnianą Audrey Horne z “Miasteczka Twin Peaks”). Do tańca jest niewiele, do przytulania całkiem sporo. Ale jesień mamy póki co chłodną, więc “Touch Yello” może okazać się całkiem dobrym podkładem.

 Stało się. Vogg dotrzymał słowa i Decapitated wróci na scenę w 2010 roku. Gitarzysta będzie jedynym oryginalnym członkiem odrodzonego zespołu, bezsprzecznie jednego z najciekawszych deathmetalowych wykonawców w historii gatunku. Covan niestety wciąż walczy o zdrowie, z niewielkimi póki co efektami, Vitka nie ma już z nami, Martin założył rodzinę w USA. Oprócz koncertów ma być również płyta. Zanim doszło do tragedii, która zabrała z tego świata Vitka i przykuła do łóżka Covana, Decapitated mieli podpisane papiery z Nuclear Blast i – o ile pamięć mnie nie zawodzi – materiał na następcę znakomitego “Organic Hallucinosis”… Zwykle do powrotów odnoszę się z rezerwą, ale tym razem czekam niecierpliwie na to, co z tego wyjdzie. Licząc, że wyjdzie wyłącznie coś wyjątkowo dobrego.

 Gdyby nie ten cholerny wypadek Decapitated mógł już być w miejscu, w którym teraz jest Behemoth. Zwłaszcza, że miał znacznie bardziej kreatywnych i lepszych warsztatowo muzyków. Wiadomo, że miejsce Vitka zajmie Austriak Kerim “Krimh” Lechner. Resztę składu Vogg ogłosi pod koniec roku. Dobra wiadomość jest taka, że menedżmentem Decapitated będzie firma Hard Impact Music, w której działa wokalista Kataklysm (i przemiły człowiek) Maurizio Iacono. Gość zna się na tym biznesie, zna się na death metalu, więc od tej strony wszystko powinno się ułożyć, jak trzeba. Mocno trzymam kciuki za Vogga i zespół.

 Wpadłem może na mało odkrywczy, ale dający mi wiele radości pomysł – postanowiłem uzupełnić luki w literaturze współczesnej, w której zapuściłem się niemiłosiernie. Aż mi wstyd. Kupowanie zaległych tytułów szybko spowodowało by moje bankructwo, ale na moje szczęście okazało się, że moja osiedlowa biblioteka jest skarbnicą współczesnej polskiej książki. Na pierwszy ogień poszedł nagradzany wielokrotnie “Gottland” Mariusza Szczygła. Jeszcze kilka stron do końca zostało, ale od mniej więcej 10 wiedziałem, że to pozycja wybitna. Warto przeczytać, bo dotyczy Czech/Czechosłowacji, czyli terenów bardzo blisko Polski położonych. Historia firmy Bata jest po prostu niesamowita, podobnie Lidy Baarovej, kochanki Goebelsa. Gorąco polecam.

 Równie gorąco polecam obraz “Shrink”, u nas wyświetlany pod kretyńskim tytułem “Całe życie z wariatami”. Myślę, że lepiej sprawdziło by się bardziej dosłowne tłumaczenie, bo “shrink” to w USA psychoterapeuta, po prostu. Kevin Spacey w roli głównej, mistrzowski jak zawsze. Jest sporo do śmiechu, takiego szczerego, głębokiego, i takiego przez łzy. Fajnie, i chyba wielce wiarygodnie, pokazany jest światek filmowy. Mało, ale za to konkretnie, gra Robin Williams, który nie chce się przyznać, że ma problemy z alkoholem. No i śliczna w takim starym dobrym stylu Saffron Burrows (choć śliczniej wyglądała w “Angielskiej robocie”).

 A jak ktoś chce więcej śmiechu, to trzeba obejrzeć “Do Czech razy sztuka”. Jiri Machacek, i wszystko jasne Ten aktor jest stworzony do takich ról. Końcówka może nie do końca wyszła Janowi Hrebejkowi, ale generalnie ocena jest co najmniej dobra. Czemu u nas nie potrafią zrobić takiego filmu?! Za naszą południową granicą mam wrażenie, że obrazów na tym poziomie powstaje kilka rocznie. U nas trafi się jeden na kilka lub więcej lat. No, ale jak pakuje się pieniążki na durne seriale i jeszcze durniejsze tak zwane komedie, do obsady dodaje niekoniecznie tych, co umieją grać, lecz koniecznie takich, których jedyna zaleta, to ładniutki wizerunek, to nie ma co się dziwić, że Czesi pod względem filmowym od lat biją nas na głowę…

Deep Blue Sea (1999)
★★★ / ★★★★

As campy as this movie was, it had genuine thrillers and horror. Director Renny Harlin tells the story of a group of researchers who breed genetically engineered sharks in order to find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. The sharks’ genes had to be altered because their normal size did not produce big enough brains to store more proteins–proteins that activate inactive Alzheimer-ridden neurons. The researchers consisted of Saffron Burrows, Stellan Skarsgård and Jacqueline McKenzie. Thomas Jane was the person who wrestled with sharks in order to incapacitate them so the researchers could extract brain matter, Samuel L. Jackson was the funder of the project, Michael Rapaport as the physicist, and LL Cool J as the god-fearing chef. I liked the fact that this picture used humor in order to relieve some of the tension on screen. There were a plethora of very funny one-liners, especially from LL Cool J as he tried to fight off a shark in the kitchen. But the one character I had a big problem with was Burrows. For such an intelligent person, she made such stupid decisions, especially toward the end. It was as though the film wanted to note a sort of evolution in her morals, which really wasn’t necessary at all because, as a scientist, she must be objective and be able to weigh the pros and cons of situations. If I were in her position, I would not have felt as much guilt for creating very intelligent, giant sharks if it meant saving millions of people who suffer from Alzheimer’s. As a person who works with people who are ravaged by the disease, I can understand how serious it is and losing a few lives in the process would not have impacted me as much if I were to consider the big picture. Also, this might be a minor complaint, but the movie implied that one can “bring back” those who were in severe stages of the disease. In reality, it’s not possible because the memories have been lost. Stopping the degeneration and even prevention, on the other hand, are entirely possible. But granted, this movie was released in 1999 and we didn’t understand the disease as well back then. Overall, this is a thrilling film with several clever ideas but does suffer with a weak first few minutes and ending. “Deep Blue Sea” is simply a story of survival–a cross between “Jaws” and “Daylight.”

Viata e grea la Hollywood, ne spun Kevin Spacey, Robin Williams si Saffron Burrows. Iar noi ar trebui sa-i credem. Pe ei, sarmanii oameni cu bani: psihiatrul posesor de viloaie cu piscina, actorul alcoolic si plictisit de nevasta, actrita ofilita, sotie de rock-star cu probleme in cuplu. Acesti bieti bogatani albi sunt salvati de aparitia providentiala a unei adolescente de culoare, fara bani dar cu ambitii regizorale, posesoare si ea de traume sufletesti asortate in cadru. Sirop. Skip it.

imdb

Regia: Jonas Pate

Cu: Kevin Spacey, Saffron Burrows, Keke Palmer

*post atualizado durante toda a semana.

Debandada no elenco de ‘Law & Order: CI’

Segundo fontes do seriado, é de se esperar que os atores Vincent D’Onofrio, Kathryn Erbe e Eric Bogosia deixem a produção da franquia ao longo da nona temporada.

Julianne Nicholson deixou o programa na temporada passada, com isso, a esperança de Dick Wolf caem nos ombros de Jeff Goldblum, que entrou para o elenco fixo na última temporada, ao lado da atriz Saffron Burrows.

Atriz de Gossip Girl ganha medida cautelar contra ex-marido

Kelly Rutherford, a Lily do seriado ‘Gossip Girl’, exibido pela CW, obeteve esta semana uma medida cautelar contra o ex-marido Daniel Giersch, segundo a revista People.

A atriz procurou a justiça depois que Giersch começou a seguir a atriz, sua mãe e a babá de seus filhos, além de seguidas ameaças.

O ex-casal briga pela disputa dos filhos desde 2008.

Qualidade ou propaganda?

O NYT publicou uma matéria interessante em seu site indagando sobre a qualidade da programação da TV norte-americana: teria ela melhorado ou a propaganda e o famigerado buzz é que anda fortes? Clique aqui para ler.

ABC prepara nova série policial

Depois de estrear ‘The Forgotten’, de Jerry Bruckheimer, ABC já prepara ‘Hopscotch’, cop show do produtor para a próxima temporada. O piloto está sendo escrito por Chris Levinson.

Os detalhes até aqui são poucos, mas parece se tratar de uma série de investigações de homicídios durante diversos dias não-consecutivos.

Detalhe curioso: Chris Levinson, o roteirista, é filho de Richard Levinson, produtor famoso por ter estabelecido o gênero na TV norte-americana com shows como ‘Columbo’ e ‘Murder, She Wrote’.

Gossip Girl da vida real

A CW encomendou a produção de um piloto de reality show sobre uma gossip girl da vida real. A emissora explorará a vida de jovem e rica Tinsley Mortimer, socialite de Manhattan. Mortimer é apontada pelos jornalistas de celebridades – e pela Nylon – como a “next big thing”.

A jovem também participou da season premiere da segunda temporada de ‘Gossip Girl’ e foi juri do programa ‘Fashion Show’, que vai ao ar no canal a cabo Bravo, nos EUA.

A demanda para este novo reality é de oito episódios de meia hora. A produção executiva é de Andrew Gassman e Mike Aho.

ABC estreia ‘FlashForward’

A ABC leva ao ar hoje a series premiere de ‘FlashForward’, piloto mais guardado da fall season norte-americana.

O NYT escreveu uma crítica do piloto que é destaque na Home de Arts da versão online do jornal. Clique aqui para ler. Quanto a minha opinião sobre o piloto, foi publicada na Revista Paradoxo. E, claro, aqui no blog.

Jennifer Morrison, a Cameron, está saindo de ‘House’

A Entertainment Weekly deu agora pouco com exclusividade: a atriz Jennifer Morrison, que por cinco temporadas interpretou Cameron em ‘House’, está se despedindo do seriado.

O que foi dito é que a atriz não teria pedido desligamento ou sido demitida. Esta seria uma decisão criativa da produção. Considerando que Jesse Spencer continua na série no papel de Chase, já da pra ter uma idéia do que vai acontecer, né?

Stephen Root vai participar de ‘24 Horas’

O ator Stephen Root vai participar de dois episódios do oitavo dia mais difícil da vida de Jack Bauer. Root fará o papel de Ben Prady, oficial do Departamento de Correção. O ator já foi visto este ano no drama ‘True Blood’, da HBO.

Oito cenas que não queremos ver

O TV Guide fez uma lista divertida das oito cenas de sexo que NÃO queremos ver na TV. Confira aqui.

Quer saber tudo que vai acontecer na sua série favorita?

Spoilers de ‘CSI’, ‘True Blood’, ‘The Office’, ‘Fringe’, ‘Dexter’, ‘Bones’, ‘Heroes’, ‘Heroes’, ‘Mad Men’, ‘Smalville’ e muito mais, aqui.

Retornos e estreias na TV

Para quem ainda não viu ‘FlashForward’, um dos pilotos mais antecipados da fall season, vale a pena deletar o pre-air e baixar o piloto em HD, que vai ao ar hoje nos EUA. Outras séries que voltam hoje: ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, ‘CSI’ e ‘The Mentalist’.

Simon Cowell e Fox querem versão americana de ‘X Factor’

A Fox está prestes a fechar um contrato milionário com Simon Cowell, que além de juri do ‘American Idol’, é criador do show de talentos britânico ‘X Factor’.

Já faz tempo que o jurado demonstra vontade de trazer sua cria inglesa para a tv norte-americana, mas seu contrato com ‘American Idol’ sempre o impediu.

Mas agora parece que o desejo é mútuo e as primeiras conversas já aconteceram. A idéia da Fox é ter uma versão US de ‘American Idol’ para a temporada 2011-2012 e assim, segurar Cowell como jurado de Idol até a mesma época.

Em movimento ousado, CW encomenda temporadas completas

A CW parece determinada a ganhar a confiança de seus fãs (tem alguém ai?). Na noite de ontem, em atitude surpreendente, a emissora encomendou novos episódios ao drama ‘One Tree Hill’ e as novatas ‘Vampire Diaries’ e ‘Melrose Place’.

O canal aberto havia encomendado apenas 13 episódios do drama veterano, mas agora com o anúncio, a temporada completa está confirmada. Quanto a Diaries, a aposta é grande, já que o novo drama teen-vampiresco teve a premiere mais assistida da história da CW.

Já Melrose, até aqui foi só decepção. Mas os executivos parecem estar com paciência, assim como tiveram a mesma paciência com a turma de ‘90210′. E desde que Heather Locklear confirmou sua volta a Melrose, o futuro parece menos tenebroso – será?

NBC compra ‘The Mountain’

A NBC foi até o Canadá atrás de novidades. A emissora acaba de adquirar ‘The Mountain’, co-produção canadense sobre uma mulher que se muda com sua família para as montanhas, onde herdou uma cabana de seu suposto falecido avô.

As filmagens começam no mês de outubro em Montreal e Doug Barr, que escreveu o piloto, também acumulará a função de diretor e produtor executivo, ao lado de Joel Rice e Jeff Grant.

O piloto possui duas horas de duração e tem o formato de telefilme. Ele serve como cartão de visitas para um eventual sinal verde da emissora para produzir um seriado.

FX prepara série animada para 2010

A FX está prestes a se aventurar nas animações. O canal a cabo norte-americano fechou parceria com a empresa Shine Intl. para produzir uma animação com previsão de estréia para 2010.

‘Archer’, título do projeto, será um thriller animado sobre espiões. No elenco estão Jon Benjamin, na voz do espião-mestre Sterling Archer, Jessica Walter, Aisha Tyler, Chris Parnell e Judy Greer.

JJ Abrams prepara nova comédia para Fox

A Bad Robot, produtora de JJ Abrams (criador de ‘Alias’ e ‘Lost’) fechou um contrato com a Fox para escrever uma nova comédia para o canal. Mike Markowitz foi chamado para roteirizar a idéia.

O show ainda não tem título e detalhes sobre a trama estão sendo mantidos em segredo por Abrams, que produzirá a comédia. O que se sabe até aqui é que o programa é descrito como uma “comédia médica”. Algo na linha de Scrubs, talvez?

Lembrando que não é a primeira vez que a Bad Robot se aventura nas comédias. Em 2006-2007, a produtora de JJ produziu ‘What About Brian’.

Betty White como ela mesma em ‘30 Rock’

Betty White aparecerá como ela mesmo em ‘30 Rock’. Famosa por ser uma das Golden Girls, White gravará sua participação na semana que vem.  Segundo Tina Fey, agora o seriado corre atrás de Meryl Streep, Paul McCartney, Robert Pattinson e Justin Timberlake.

Spin-offs memoráveis

O TV Guide fez uma lista super bacana com os 12 spin-offs mais memoráveis da TV norte-americana. Clique aqui para conferir. Na lista, nomes muito importante na história dos seriados como ‘Rhoda’, ‘Frasier’ e ‘The Jeffersons’.

Novidades no elenco de ‘Damages’

Campbell Scott e Martin Short entram para o elenco fixo de ‘Damages’. Enquanto isso, a produção anunciou outros dois nomes de peso que farão participações na terceira temporada. São eles: Keith Carradine e Lily Tomlin. As filmagens do novo ano iniciam hoje, 23 de setembro.

Spielberg prepara série para Showtime

O diretor e produtor Steven Spielberg prepara nova série para o canal a cabo norte-americano Sowtime. O show deverá narrar os bastidores de uma produção musical da Broadway. O bacana aqui é que o seriado acompanhará a pré-produção, produção e pós-produção da peça. E após isso, a peça sai da telinha e entra em cartaz de verdade.

Lost

A ABC liberou nesta terça-feira, 22/09, o título do quarto episódio da sexta temporada de ‘Lost’: ‘The Substitute’. Lembrando que os outros três primeiros já tinham vazado: ‘LA X’ (S06E01 e S06E02) e ‘What Kate Does’ (S06E03, lembrando que o nome do S02E09 é ‘What Kate Did’).

Geralmente, os quartos episódios das temporadas de ‘Lost’, são focados em… Locke. Agora, volte pro nome do episódio. Faz sentido, não?

Heather Locklear está de volta a Melrose Place

Heather Locklear, a eterna Amanda Woodward, vai voltar para o remake de ‘Melrose Place’. No começo do ano, a atriz descartou reprisar o papel que a lançou ao estrelado, mas parece que Locklear mudou de idéia.

O anúncio foi feito esta semana pela The CW e a primeira participação da atriz no programa deve acontecer no dia 17 de novembro. Detalhes de sua volta não foram divulgados – há especulações de que ela seria relacionada a Ella -, mas sabe-se que ela voltará a morar no prédio em que habitou na versão original do seriado.

CBS encomenda novos pilotos

A CBS está produzindo dois novos dramas. Um do roteirista Peter Tolan (‘Rescue Me’) e outro de Ed Redlich (‘Without a Trace’). Os dois são produções da Sony Pictures TV e possuem grandes multas caso seus pilotos não sejam produzidos. O projeto – sem título – de Tolan é sobre um professor excêntrico que desvenda crimes. O piloto está sendo escrito em quatro mãos, as outras duas são de Michael Wimer.

Já ‘The Remember’, de Redlich, é focado em uma detetive de Nova York que tem a habilidade de lembrar absolutamente tudo que passa por sua vida. Sarah Timberman e Carl Beverly são os outros dois nomes atrelados ao piloto.

25 séries que fracassaram

A Entertainment Weekly fez uma matéria SUPER bacana com as 25 séries mais hypadas da história que deram errado. Todos os anos diversas produções atingem o status de hit antes mesmo de sua estréia, e o que se vê depois é um fracasso de crítica e audiência que gera um cancelamento muitas vezes prematuro.

Entre alguns nomes, estão ‘The Fugitive’ (95-96), ‘Watching Ellie’ (2002-2003), ‘My Own Worst Enemy’ (2008), ‘The Lone Gunmen’ (2001), ‘Karen Sisco’ (2003-2004), ‘Smith’ (2006), e talvez o principal de toda a história da TV: ‘Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip’ (2006-2007). Confirma a lista completa aqui: http://is.gd/3zaRq

The Good Wife

Hoje tem series premiere de ‘The Good Wife’, novo drama da CBS e uma das minhas apostas pra fall season. A série é estrelada por Chris Noth (o Mr Big de ‘Sex and The City’) e Julianna Margulies. Noth faz o papel de um político protagonista de uma sex tape que vaza para a mídia. Margulies faz o papel de sua esposa. A série foi destaque na home do NYT: http://is.gd/3za05

Glee

A série ‘Glee’ mal estreou e já recebeu uma temporada completa da Fox. A emissora norte-americana encomendou outros 9 episódios, além dos 13 planejados inicialmente. Portanto, a demanda total é de 22 episódios. ‘Glee’ é uma criação de Ryan Murphy, que já nos trouxe ‘Nip/Tuck’.

Obama

Presença de Obama ontem no Letterman deu ao talk show sua maior audiência em quatro anos, audiência 195% maior que a de Conan O’Brien.

of course we're robbing the bank...when a hot woman asks you to do something, you do it!

R

Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows

Dave: I’ve got a question.  What do we do with all the dirt we’re gonna dig out of the hole?
Kevin: It’s all been worked out, Dave.  We’ll dig another hole in that corner over there and put it in that.

Martine (Burrows) is coerced by the British government into recruiting a team of thieves, led by Terry (Statham), to break into a bank and steal incriminating pictures of a British royal.  Terry’s team thinks it’s just a bank robbery and go along with it, unaware of the seriousness of the situation.

Apparently this is based on a true story which took place in 1971.  I’m sure it’s amped up a little bit to make it more exciting, but it plays out in a fairly believable way, at least compared to the over-dramatics of most heist movies.  That’s not to say it’s particularly original though.  In fact, the first half of it is a by the numbers bank robbery movie.  There’s typical editing, typical music, standard scenes of the team being recruited, and the usual brushes with police while they tunnel their way towards the bank.

The movie improves in the second half when the proverbial s*** hits the fan.  The robbery is successful, but then the team is pursued by various people with a vested interest in finding the robbers and getting their stolen possessions back.  While somewhat confusing at times, I found this portion of the film to be much more interesting than the standard bank robbery set up in the first half.

Statham is playing the same role as always, of course.  Though, this time he has a wife and kids to worry about.  Burrows is a little bit dull and mostly just there to be the temptress that gets the plot rolling.  The rest of the actors and characters are fine, but as usual in these kinds of movies, there’s just so many of them that you never really feel very attached to anybody.  The movie jumps from scene to scene so often, it’s hard to get any real character development going.

Even though I felt like I’d seen most of this movie’s elements before, the more intriguing second half put it a notch above similar movies, but it’s still not one of my favorite film genres.  There’s only so many ways you can make a bank robbery and its aftermath interesting, and this movie only succeeds partially.

If you’re gonna commit a crime, be careful about using walkie-talkies to communicate.  You never know who’s listening in.

10 – 1.5 because the genre just doesn’t interest me that much – 1.3 for a slow first half – .7 for a general lack of character development – .2 for a couple confusing moments = 6.3

Alright, let’s make some money!

– Kevin Swain

This movie flew way under the radar that it was barely a blip when hearing some moderately positive about The Bank Job after it was released in early 2008. I wanted to check out this movie. I’m glad I did, because it is a fantastic thrill ride.

It recounts the true story about bank robbery in 1971 when a car dealer, Terry (Jason Statham) that owes money from a sleazy smut peddler, Lew Vogel (David Suchet) is recruited by his friend, Martine Love (Saffron Burrows) to help rob a bank, Lloyds Bank United, that was upgrading their security system, which would leave them vulnerable.

Terry recruits his best friends, Dave and Kevin (Daniel Mays, Stephen Campbell Moore) to help him carry out the heist with the help of Guy Singer (James Faulkner), Bambas (Alki David) and Eddie (Michael Jibson) as a lookout.

The group doesn’t know that Martine is a secret informant for the government with Tim (Michael Lintern) as her liaison. The real reason for the robbery is to recover some incriminating photographs of Princess Margaret (Louise Chambers), and other top officials in compromising positions by shady character named Michael X (Peter de Jersey).

They think that everything will go according to plan, but everything that would go wrong, does to their benefit. It made them think that they were real professional bank robbers instead of a bunch of amateurs. After they pull of the bank heist, the shit hits the fan. Interpol, MI-5, corrupt cops and villains are after the group for various reasons.

This intense movie had me on the edge my seat at every twist and turn. The movie is not perfect. I had a problem about what happened to some of the characters at the end of the movie that were forgotten.

Some of the names of the real people were changed to protect them from any exposure. How could this movie be “based on a true story” when the people’s names have been changed, and possibly the situations for dramatic effects?

Judgment: An awesome, slick action movie that should be seen.

Rating: ****1/2

Welcome back to Failed Franchises Week! It’s the week that we’ll be exploring the death of potential franchise films based on their first movie. It’s the week that will also severely test my patience with big-budget Hollywood filmmaking. Today’s feature is another colossal loser, in the tradition of the rest of the week, but it stands out for a very particular reason, and that is its truly bold and truly botched attempt to break bread with the most finicky and fickle fanbases in the universe; gamers. Even worse than that, they were trying to court PC gamers! I’m surprised these people made it out with their lives, considering how insanely pissed PC gamers get when someone tries to fuck with one of their titles. Wing Commander was an immensely popular title for sci-fi flight simulator fans, and while I didn’t particularly enjoy the games, I can see why they’d be popular. If you like to pretend like you’re in a cramped cockpit with nothing but the universe and a handful of enemy planes and CG videos to entertain you, perhaps its cool. But I digress. The series somehow spawned a major Hollywood picture in 1999 with a budget of $30 million and a young up-and-coming cast. Expectations from the gaming community were low, but somehow even those meager standards were smashed like the hull of a tiny spaceship when this thing came out. To this day, people STILL come by the forums to openly mock this horrendous mess. I honestly wish I had some sort of measly defense for it, but everything you’ve heard about this movie is true; it’s quite awful.

Based loosely on nightmares of Wing Commander creator Chris Roberts and even more loosely based on the series of games he designed, it’s about three sexy new recruits of yet another future war. At some point in human history, not only do we reach beyond the furthest stars, but we manage to piss off an alien race called the Kilrathi along the way. So earthlings, known here as Terrans, are fighting a difficult war with aliens on one front in space, and at the same time are experiencing racial tensions amongst themselves as a race of humans known as Pilgrims have recently had a falling out with the rest of the species and waged a war against the Terran Confederation. Well, it turns out that out of these three young, bright, incredibly attractive soldiers, named Blair, is a Pilgrim *gasp!*. His friend, Todd “Maniac” Marshall, is a total psycho jock who would be dispensing wedgies if he were back on Earth, and his boss is Jeanette “Angel” Devereaux, ia a seasoned Wing Commander who got the two guppies Blair and Marshall to work with and is at first none too pleased to have to babysit them. But they might just be the key to winning the war, because while the Kilrathi have developed a new navigational system to sneak up behind the Terrans and their fleets, Blair’s Pilgrim genetics give him a huge edge when it comes to navigating, allowing him to do it without the aid of a computer. Using Blair’s super navigation skills, can the three partners stop the Kilrathi from jumping to Earth and killing everyone before reinforcements arrive?

Everything about this movie would suggest that:

A. It was made exclusively for the Sci-fi Channel

B. It was a home video for 90s big-shot Freddie Prinze, Jr.

C. This was a compilation of deleted scenes from Starship Troopers.

But it turns out that none of this is true. Actually, this movie was directed and written by the guy who created the games! Which truly amazes me, because anyone who has ever played the games and understood the story knows that this is a totally bastardized version of the original mythology combined with almost every single soldier-centric war movie EVER. It’s one of those chicken-or-the-egg conundrums that plagues the fan of any work of art that is intentionally marred by its creator. Is it wrong for an artist to sabotage his own work? Should a fan even complain? I don’t know; all I know is that Chris Roberts somehow made something less underwhelming than a barely 3-D PC game with $30 million, and in the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, “What the fuck, Bro-mosexual!?!”

The acting is bad on all sides. Nobody even tries to save this fly-ball from hitting the fence (that is my first and only sports reference on this site).  It is grossly unjust how a veteran like Jurgen Prochnow has to play a paltry side role when wimp extraordinaire Freddie Prinze Jr. locks in a leading role. Especially since they really put the same amount of effort in, with is precisely zero. The lead is a waste of space, David Warner, the king of sinister, can barely work up enough energy to be a supporting character, and Saffron Burrows didn’t have enough time to really get into the character because if they didn’t finish with her by midnight she would turn back into a pumpkin. I’m so sick of a cast who doesn’t give a shit!!! It’s really starting to bring me down, and if it wasn’t for Matthew Lillard I would have lost my cool with this whole theme week. He plays Lieutenant Todd “Maniac” Marshall, and he puts it the old Lillard try, which is a hell of a lot compared to most of the cast. The character is just plain fun; he IS a maniac! It’s not just a “hilarious” faux-military tough-guy nickname! He’s a total bad-ass jock! His death scene makes me proud to be a Terran! So here’s to you, Matthew “Lil’ Smokey” Lillard; your so-so is everyone else’s amazing.

And the hits just keep on coming! Let me give you a quick problem medley. The special effects are crap. Simple as that.

The Kilrathi creatures look like a Jim Henson Workshop reject concept, and for some reason they hunch. What kind of advanced alien race has the same posture as Quasimodo?

The scientific errors boggle the mind! Who knew that ships in 2654 took off like jets in 2009? One would think that they wouldn’t, seeing how one is in space and the other isn’t, but what do I know?!?!

And to top things off, humanity’s greatest enemy turns out to be the dumbest intelligent race ever! Their best warships are bamboozled like a villain in a Scooby-Doo episode! (see the sequence in which a Kilrathi Snakeir is dispatched within the span of a couple minutes. Ridiculous!)

What a disappointment to fans of Wing Commander everywhere. I’ve seen some forums that celebrate the movie because it was a legitimate piece of the Wing Commander mural, seeing as how Chris Roberts made it as well, but most fans will be the first to express their hatred of this movie. Even when the creative force behind one of your favorite series tries to break into a new medium, the results can be disastrous. Nothing is fun about this movie. It’s a sickeningly boring sci-fi movie that chokes on its own-self-importance and endless references to events that will never be important due to its glaring lack of sequels. It’s lameness piled on top of lameness, and the one shining flag that keeps its head above the dung is Matthew “Hump Cat” Lillard as Todd “Maniac” Marshall. I wish I had something better to report, I really don’t. Sometimes 90% of America is actually right, and since only 10% of America was insane enough to watch this, I now anxiously long to be in the majority again. I give Wing Commander 2 1/2 Matthew “Bloody Nachos” Lillards out of 10. Boo.

Tomorrow we continue with a movie that never spawned any sequels on the big screen, but might be due for a reboot in the near future; I’ll be watching David Lynch’s Dune! Until then!

Throughout time, men have waged war. Some for power, some for glory, some for honor — and some for love.

In ancient Greece, the passion of two of history’s most legendary lovers, Paris, Prince of Troy (Orlando Bloom) and Helen (Diane Kruger), Queen of Sparta, ignites a war that will devastate a civilization. When Paris steals Helen away from her husband, King Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson), it is an insult that cannot be suffered. Familial pride dictates that an affront to Menelaus is an affront to his brother Agamemnon (Brian Cox), powerful King of the Myceneans, who soon unites all the massive tribes of Greece to steal Helen back from Troy in defense of his brother’s honor.

In truth, Agamemnon’s pursuit of honor is corrupted by his overwhelming greed — he needs control of Troy to ensure the supremacy of his already vast empire. The walled city, under the leadership of King Prium (Peter O’Toole) and defended by mighty Prince Hector (Eric Bana), is a citadel that no army has been able to breach. One man alone stands as the key to victory or defeat over Troy — Achilles (Brad Pitt), believed to be the greatest warrior alive.

Arrogant, rebellious and seemingly invincible, Achilles has no allegiance to anyone or anything, save his own glory. It is his insatiable hunger for eternal renown that leads him to attack the gates of Troy under Agamemnon’s banner — but it will be love that ultimately decides his fate.

Two worlds will go to war for honor and power. Thousands will fall in pursuit of glory. And for love, a nation will burn to the ground.

The Bank Job might be the first film where Jason Statham plays a realistic character, a person whose relationships don’t involve public sex and time travel. Now, despite that handicap The Bank Job is an entertaining heist film, packed with just about everything. My father saw this opening weekend back in March and left me a voicemail afterwards espousing it’s virtues. To quote, “This movie had everything, naked women, guns, money, fighting, black people, white people.” He is one hundred percent correct, The Bank Job has all these things and more. By more, I mean “merkins”.

The Bank Job professes to be based on a true story, though it more accurately takes a true event whose details are largely unknown and fills in the blanks. Set in early 1970’s London, Jason Statham is Terry, just a normal guy with wife and kids who runs a auto body shop. He’s in debt to some bad people, and jumps at a chance to be involved in bank heist being arranged by former flame Martine (Saffron Burrows). Of course, it’s not just any old heist, it’s actually being secretly backed by the British government, who will use Martine as their inside man to procur some nasty photos of a certain Royal family member that are being used as blackmail by vibrant black revolutionary Michael X.

Things both do and don’t go as planned as the heist progresses, of course. Director Roger Donaldson ably juggles all the players, and manages to maintain a good flow and avoids any confusion in regards to motivations and character involvement. It reminded me of a Guy Ritchie movie with less style and more focus on just telling a good story. This is a rare example of workmanlike direction being a positive thing.

Statham gets some actorly moments, including a scene with his wife where he must attempt to explain away not just his crimes but supposed infidelity as well. Seeing Statham handle this scene without exploding into a torrent of curse words and bloody fists was similar to seeing Keanu Reeves smile in Something’s Got To Give: it’s like a goddamn optical illusion. I don’t want to say he’s got range, but let’s say he has more range than I expected. The rest of the cast nails their roles, though some wear the 70’s garbs better than others. The IMDB clued me in that during a scene in a brothel, most of the nude females had to wear merkins on account to being too shaved, which would have been an anachronism. Donaldson apparently had a lot of trouble with this scene as the merkins kept falling off. Must have been torture, Roger. Speaking of anachronism’s,  Saffron Burrows face.

That does not look natural. The most hard to swallow aspect of the whole film is the idea that Burrows is some sort of model that men can’t stop lusting after. That’s the face that launched a thousand “You looked different from across the pub” responses, not a lusty rendezvous in a bank vault. Saffron Burrow’s face was at times so distracting that I really wished any of the characters would remark, “Your cheek bones are crazy”, if to only sate my anxiety.

For a Jason Statham movie, The Bank Job moves at a slightly more leisurely pace but still has scenes where a man is tortured, another is kicked repeatedly in the stomach, and a third character is killed with a machete. You were right Dad, this movie did have just about everything.