Director Stephen Sommers said “this is not a George Bush movie — it’s an Obama world. Right from the writing stage we said to ourselves, this can’t be about beefy guys on steroids who all met each other in the Vietnam War, but an elite organization that’s made up of the best of the best from around the world.”

-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rise_of_Cobra

Click here for the first season.

“American Terror” is the second season of Showtime’s mini series Sleeper Cell, and it deepens our understanding of the religious and philosophical differences between undercover FBI agent Darwyn Al-Sayeed (Michael Ealy) and Faris al-Farik (Oded Fehr), the radical Islamic terrorist who continues to mastermind attacks on American soil. As American Terror begins, Farik is enduring brutal torture at the hands of his American captors while Darwyn, still undercover, is pretending to lead a new sleeper cell consisting of a former Latino gang member (Kevin Alejandro) who became an extremist in prison; a closeted gay Iraqi ex-patriot (Omid Abtahi) raised in London; and a Dutch nanny (Thekla Reuten) with personal reasons for hating America.
While Farik’s former right-hand-man Ilija (Henri Lubatti) struggles in vain to return to a quiet, normal life, American Terror takes all of its characters into darker, more dangerous territory, and heightened realism gives the series even greater emotional impact as unexpected tragedies befall several supporting characters.

Episode 01: Al-Baqara
Interesting season opener, though it was a bit lame in the first half. Almost nothing happened there. But the second half compensate for that.
So, we have three different storylines. The new terrorist cell, Farik’s life in prison and Ilija’s life with Carli (Angela Gots) while on the road. First I was surprised that Ilija told Carli everything about the attack. So she knows about him being a terrorist… Well, interesting that she still is together with him. Farik in prison might be interesting, and the episode showed he still has some contact in the outside world. It would be interesting to know who the mole is. The new terrorist cell is alright. Maybe the story could be a little bit boring, because it repeats all the stories from the first season, but the little twist with their leader knowing about Darwyn and his contacts was really interesting. And the more interesting twist is: Darwyn is now the leader of the terrorist cell – way too surprising and interesting. I just hope the writers don’t use that story for an excuse to just prevent attacks from happening.
Serxner’s (Sonya Walger) death was surprising, too. First Ray, now Patrice. Darwyn doesn’t have it easy with his contact agents. And the scene with Darwyn watching the video on the internet had some goosebumps moments. It is just a shame that I don’t see Sonya Walger again here. And I hope the next contact agent doesn’t die (or I have to call the writer bad things, because they repeat stories). 7,5/10

Episode 02: Salesman
The episode was alright. Though nothing much happened and the writers try to stretch the actual story again, I am starting to like the new characters and I am starting to dislike the old ones. Ilija’s story is completely useless, it is a story completely outside of the season plot, and I don’t need his story. I wished he is going to be captured by the police (or eaten by a bear here), just so I don’t have to live with this story anymore. I think it would be better not to know a terrorist’s life on the run, the writers should have relinquished on Ilija and concentrated more on the actual story.
Farik’s story could be more interesting, if I would know the reason for his action. Is he secretly knowing something the others don’t know? Like he is going to be freed or he is breaking out? At least his story is having more sense than Ilija’s, because it seems that Farik still has some contact to any kind of terrorist cell.
The rocket launcher story wasn’t really interesting, even though it was something new that the writers try to put some character into a guest character. Maybe to get the audience connected with him (like Darwyn kind of did) and to make his death more dramatic (well, it wasn’t).
That Gayle (Melissa Sagemiller) is still in the story is disturbing me, too. She is a distraction and every scene with her (except the episode cliffhanger) was unnecessary.
Maybe it was a wrong decision from the beginning to produce a second season of Sleeper Cell, because I am not eager to watch the next episodes. It is just not interesting enough and everything seems to be the same. 6/10

Episode 03: Torture
Interesting episode, even though almost nothing happened (again), and what happened, was partly illogical. And then this pretty neat cliffhanger.
I still like it that Darwyn is front in the terrorist cell, but he actually has pretty much just a few scenes with the group per episode. The story is concentrating too much on other storylines: Ilija and his trip (now long-term stay) to Canada, him killing Carli (he really picked up on an annoying loose end) and finally it looks like he is getting a real story; at least he knows now that there is something going on in Los Angeles again.
Farik’s story was interesting, though. The typical torture stuff, but his army rescuing him was a pretty nice cliffhanger. Just that he was even send to Arabia was kind of illogical. The government should have known about a possible attack on Farik, or a potential rescue attempt for him. So, the world now knows he is dead. I already know he isn’t (instead he is back in the terrorist business), but does the government know? Would be interesting to know if Farik is returning to the USA and encounters with Darwyn – this is still an open conflict.
Darwyn’s efforts to get the R.D.X. was alright, but I can’t understand why Russell (Jay R. Ferguson) is conflicting with Darwyn’s work and why Darwyn had to go deep this time.
The little side plot with Mina and Gayle was pretty nice – so the writers actually try to give Gayle an important storyline. Nice. 7,5/10

Episode 04: Faith
A solid episode and more of a filler between the season beginning and what’s to come in the second season half. Not really much happened story-wise, instead we had some character development, which is a nice change, but it made the episode boring most of the time.
Ilija’s story is now really uninteresting – I don’t care what he is doing in Germany and I don’t care is he is beaten up by some bald German nazis (what a cliché; during the scenes in Germany I didn’t see one German dude with hair on his head – I had to laugh about that), he is completely not involved in any kind of story, and I don’t need that time of waste. It was nice that he learned in the last episode in L.A. is something going on terrorist-wise, but what does it bring him, when he is on his world tour?
The plot in Saudi Arabia was boring, too. Farik is reinstated as an important character, and now he knows that Darwyn is a leader of a cell. This is the most promising story so far and I am already waiting that Farik gets evidence of Darwyn being a federal agent (he knows already that something ain’t right with him, so it is time). But I think his story will be a filler for a while; Farik can’t just go to America and play mind games with Darwyn and he can’t just plan an attack from Saudi Arabia.
The main story arc didn’t really develop much. Salim is gay and has some troubles dealing with it, Mina finds out more about Gale and has thoughts on her own about the operation, and Darwyn has to deal with being a cell leader and an undercover agent with a relationship on the side. It is only a shame that this story isn’t really developed now. For me, Darwyn is way too confident in his actions, he always has a plan and he always does the “right” thing. It gets boring, when Darwyn isn’t troubled with what he is doing here – or did he already forgot the death of Serxner? After all a death he is partly responsible of… 6/10

Episode 05: Homecoming
The episode was alright; still nothing happening in the story, except much character development. And still with a storyline I don’t need: Ilija is just a klutz in the story – I don’t know where his way is bringing him, I don’t know if he is even going to be involved into the story, I don’t know why the writers thought I would have interest in a terrorist on the run. Great, he meets a companion on his road to home, but who cares?
The story in Los Angeles was important, but the outcome was kinda lame. After all, the cell didn’t get a nuclear weapon, instead just a helper in Hamid (Saïd Taghmaoui). The fact that Farik sent him to watch for Darwyn might be the most interesting story for now. Farik is practically the puppet master behind the operation, and this without the knowledge of the FBI or Darwyn. This really could be an interesting story, but let’s see what the writers do with that, before I start to like the series again.
Because the side plots were not really important for me. Though Mina’s story was interesting and puts the cell members more into a private life than in the first season, where the cell members practically trained and discussed about their mission for the whole season, Gayle’s story was just a stinker… I already thought she would be more involved into Darwyn’s work (which hopefully happens now), but the danger of her losing her kid – not very interesting.
I hope there is something happening next episode… 6,5/10

Episode 06: School
Finally, the story develops. I was waiting for that during the last four episodes. And it looks like the writers didn’t really planned through the season. Now with the actual beginning of the attack story you can clearly forget the last few episodes, in which character development was important. Only that this development isn’t really important for this episode. Mina’s trouble with the father of the kids she is sitting… gone. Salim’s troubles to get out of the closet… ridiculous and bringing nothing, except character moments during the terrorist attack story. The reunion between Ilija and Farik… why did it take so long? Finally the writers managed to get Ilija back into the story, but three episodes before the series finale is just too late. And it was obvious that Ilija would be in front of Farik sometime soon, even though just through the web cam. But I believe it would have been better to see more of Ilija’s new life; he is not even back on his tracks, and then he gets captured by Farik’s guys. Just one question: How coincidental is the fact that one of Ilija’s students has contact with Farik? WTF? I had to laugh, when I saw the female student back at the end. Nice plot device. NOT.
The other stories were a bit lame. Of course Hamid is putting “his” team together, so Darwyn can be excluded from the operation (because Farik must have told him something), and of course the team has their own missions now. Mina’s could be the interesting one, now she listened to Gale phoning to Darwyn. And back in the East Farik has his own agendas of doing… stuff. What is he doing anyway?
I hope the next episode gives some suspenseful answers. There are still two episodes left and the story just started here, I am awaiting a thrill-kill in the next two hours. 7/10

Episode 07: Fitna
Awesome episode; why didn’t the writers began earlier with those stories? Mina and Gale – and the question of what is Mina’s real mission; the cell about to hit – and this surprisingly one episode before the actual series finale; and practically the death of all the cell members. So what will bring the last episode? The much prepared duel between Darwyn and Farik/Ilija or something else?
Sure, the episode is practically the same as Youmud-Din from the first season, but it ends the attack story way more faster (already during the irst half of the episode) and deals with the aftermath of Salim being the only one who is alive after that. The story could have been actually a bit more suspenseful, because of the “one man” thing Salim was doing (a one-man terrorist cell isn’t working like a multiple-men cell), but I was pleased with what I saw.
But the Gayle/Mina story was really a highlight in here. First the similarities with the Serxner obduction in the season premiere (you could think the women from the mosque had the mission to distract the FBI agent from Gayle), then the guts the writers had with killing off Gayle. I had big eyes – I didn’t believe they could do that. Not only was she really unimportant in this season (and probably just in there to give Darwyn his moment at the end of the episode, and a probable plot for an eventual third season), but I liked the scene in which Mina killed Gayle. And I liked the scene with Darwyn at the end, when he is breaking down; finally Michael Ealy delivered some really good acting in the series.
I just don’t understand the side plot with Farik and Ilija – the writers can’t begin anything new, because there isn’t time for that (only one episode left), and for everything else these two characters are just uninteresting. Until now, their stories just looked like a filler to produce more minutes for the series… 8/10

Episode 08: Reunion
Hm, not really the series finale I was hoping for. It looked like a series finale, because it finished the story of the series, but the ending couldn’t be more open – Farik still on the run, Darwyn about to die, but still breathing and everybody lost their own hope. It looked kinda good for the sake of the series arc, but I was hoping to get a more proper closer… like, Farik and/or Darwyn dead at the end. But both were still living. Did the producers think about a possible third season?
The episode itself was good. It was not really “Sleeper Cell” anymore, since the attack was concluded in the last episode, yet it was more an episode about revenge and the final closing. Darwyn gets desperate and wants revenge, uses his CIA contacts for it. But I have a few nitpicks here: Not just are Darwyn’s reason for going to Yemen a bit illogical, but the writers never concentrated on Darwyn’s suicide mission, instead we were believed to hope that the CIA was pulling strings in the background, after the rocket hit Farik’s wife. If it had been more of a personal revenge slash suicide mission from Darwyn, then this could have been more better. All in all was the little rocket scene and the cut to the CIA guy too much – the meaning of Darwyn’s last mission disappeared, and instead the CIA stepped in again. Bummer, because I very much would have liked to see Darwyn arriving at his destination of life here.
But what I really liked about the episode are the character moments, because they really worked this time in this season. It looks like the writers just wanted this episode to happen, but had another whole story in front of it, which had to be told. While the first few episodes were filler, the whole attack story just concluded into this story. The duel Farik/Darwyn worked, and even Ilija had a nice scene with Darwyn, which brought him more depth into his character.
Well, it is the best episode of the season, and it is a bummer that the writers didn’t pick this story way more sooner in this season. After all, Sleeper Cell is a series with intentions, but it failed to deliver them in the second season. 8,5/10

Season average is 7,13. I won’t really miss the series, after I had higher expectations, but it was solid entertainment with interesting characters. I hope, Showtime (or the creators) will live up to their plans to renew Sleeper Cell with an updated story and a new cast during the next years, because the story has much potential.
This is the last season review in the year 2009, and there won’t be much coming in the next weeks – I am too busy with Lost, which reaches into the February months, and after that I will work on Doctor Who and Glee. Meanwhile the TV season 2009/2010 is still running and you can expect some more season reviews in the summer months (I am still on every not-canceled TV series I began to watch).

(Anton Jackson -Eddie Griffin- wears a Breitling Counterfeit)

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(Gordy Brewer -Arnold Schwarzenegger- wears a Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Offshore)

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In the Electric Mist (2009)
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New Iberia Lt. Dave Robicheaux is trying to link the murder of a local hooker to New Orleans mobster Julie (Baby Feet) Balboni-back in his home parish as co-producer of Hollywood director Michael Goldman’s Civil War film.
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(Dave Robicheaux -Tommy Lee Jones- wears a Breitling wristwatch)
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Traitor (2008)

Samir Horn (Don Cheadle), a devout American Muslim, and a former U.S. Army Special Forces expert in explosives, has been mysteriously showing up on the FBI’s radar for being in the area of terrorist bombings. FBI agent Roy Clayton (Guy Pearce) heads up the force investigation to link Horn to these bombings. Clayton is able to question Horn after he was arrested in Yemen for attempting to sell explosives to an Islamic terrorist group. Clayton must capture Horn (after he run away from prision) before he strikes his next target.
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(Omar -Said Taghmaoui- wears a Breitling wristwatch)
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(Iqbal -Elias Zarou- wears a Rolex President wristwatch)
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.The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

A bored multi-millionaire struggling to find new challenges arranges for the theft of a Monet painting from a museum. This sets a sexy insurance investigator after him, but unexpectedly the two fall in love.
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(Thomas Crown -Pierce Brosnan- wears a Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso Duo)
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• Kristin szerint a 6. évad premierje előtt egyetlen egy új hivalatos promo képet illetve új felvételekből készült előzetest nem fog kiadni az ABC a producerek kérésére. Hogy ez mennyire igaz, az majd kiderül.
• Ez is Kristintől érkezett: Cynthia Watros (Libby) és Michelle Rodriguez (Ana-Lucia) is visszatér az utolsó évadra. Más régi szereplő akár több részben is feltűnhet. (pl Boone, Charlie stb…)
• Meg lett erősítve, hogy azt fogjuk látni a 6. évadban, hogy mi lett volna ha nem zuhan le a repülő, hanem megérkezik Los Angelesben. Úgy tűnik, ilyenek lesznek flashback/flashforward helyett.
• Said Taghmaoui (Caesar) is visszatér.
• Billy Ray Gallion (Randy Nations) Facebookjára felrakott néhány képet a forgatásról.
• Sonya Walger-nek fogalma sincs arról, hogy Penny visszatér-e az utolsó évadban.
• Rasmussen ügynököt, aki ott van a kórházban, amikor Claire-nek megszületik a babája, egy 30-as év körüli barna hajú nő játsza, akit most látunk majd először a sorozatban.
• Sayid-ot a templomban lévő Többiek elfogják, majd megkínozzak, annak ellenére, hogy ők látták el az 5. évad végén szerezett sebeit.
• A Többiek és a kedvenceink közötti konfliktusokat Richard oldja meg, majd mindannyian bemennek a templomba, ahol Sayidot élve találják meg.
• Dogan (Hiroyuki Sanada) és Jacob is bent vannak a templomban.
• A Jack-centrikus 6×05 címe: Lighthouse
• Azon kívül, hogy Dogan a templomi jelenetknél jelen van, Jack alternatív jelenében is ott lesz.
• Úgy tűnik a 6×05 egy elég fontos rész lesz, hisz Carlton Cuse és Damon Lindelof is ott voltak a forgatáson Matthew Fox-szal (Jack). Az epizódot Jack Bender rendezi. Kép 1, 2.
• A napokban látták Doug Hutchinson-t (Horace Goodspeed) Hawaii-on forgatni. Evangeline Lilly (Kate) is helyszínen volt.

Let’s face it, Hollywood is never going to fund a big-budget original movie ever again.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

Marco and I have been talking for a while about doing a series of posts on movies that should be made. Now don’t get me wrong, the projects we’ll be proposing shouldn’t actually be made. In a better world, the budgets would go to real artists who do good work, but that’s not the world we live it, and at Counterforce, we believe in making the best out of a bad situation. Just like Liam Neeson.

no thank you

So, let’s get right down too it. You know, you know they’re going to make an ID4:2 some day, so we might as well make it enjoyably bad. Hell, just the idea of watching this movie instead of some Michael Bay cartoon-adapted crapfest gives me a boner. You can never ever go wrong blowing up as many international landmarks as possible.

Thus, The Counterforce Casting Couch: Independence Day 2

PREMISE:

This is gonna be a little rough, we can fill in the blanks during lighting shifts on the set. So, it’s like 20 years after the event of ID4. Will Smith is the President, obviously. The White House will have just finished being rebuilt and look exactly the same as before. Jeff Goldblum will basically be playing Al Gore. Sorta Green Living Apostle / Technocrat in Chief. Shia LeBeouf is Goldblum’s rebellious kid and Aaron Yoo is his buddy who films all their wacky adventures on his Flip Camera. There will be some drama because Shia doesn’t know his dad was a hero because Goldblum’s role was classified or something.

Ryan Kwanten from True Blood will fill in the Hick Character contingent with his little jailbait sister, Dakota Fanning. I threw a lot of brits into the cast so there can be other groups of characters in the UK and Australia, Iraq, etc. Famke Janssen will play somebody’s wife. Maybe Bill Pullman’s.

So, the Aliens come back, only this time, they come in peace and claim to be seeking asylum. Apparently these aliens are the not-evil faction of the bad guys. Will Smith will have all these mixed feelings because he hates aliens, but doesn’t want to be prejudiced to the nice ones. It will be like that scene in Star Trek 6 where Kirk talks about the klingons who killed his son, only this time it will be Will Smith saying it, and he’ll be talking to the First Dog.

Obviously, the bad aliens come back and destroy a shit-ton more monuments and landmarks. They’ll be led by Nic Cage, who is some kind of evil billionaire who helps the Aliens in exchange for world domination. Definitely gotta sack the Burj Dubai, the White House, Big Ben, the Golden Gate, the Vatican, etc. But this time, the good aliens have shared some of their technology, so the fight is slightly more fair, but earth still gets its ass kicked and the bad aliens occupy the planet. This would all take place on July 2nd.

yeah, that shit's gonna fall

The next day would be a lot of failed counter-offensives and characters hiding from Alien stormtroopers. Then Shia LeBeouf will decide to form a resistance and Aaron Yoo will do all the tech shit to get the word out on the internets. Ryan Kwanten will be there with Dakota, and he’ll turn out to be some kind of hillbilly ass-kicker. I see a scene with him, shirtless, feather tied to the back of his head, destroying enemy food supplies boston-tea-party style. Then we’ll cut to Said Taghmaoui in Iraq with a British accent and he’ll be all, “It’s the Americans, they want to organize a resistance, about bloody time!”

And then July 4th will be the big counter-attack. Aaron Yoo will die. Will Smith will fly an alien fighter ship with Bill Pullman as his wingman. They’ll fight their way to the mothership, land on it, then fight their way to Nic Cage’s lair on the bridge. Somehow, Jeff Goldblum will be there too. A big fistfight later, Will Smith wins, then escapes and Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum pilot the Mothership into the sun, sacrificing themselves. Shia hooks up with Dakota Fanning, and then after the credits roll, Samuel L. Jackson walks into a bar to talk to him about the Avengers initiative.

And… scene.

Fuck yeah!

You know you’d pay to see it.

G.I. Joe comes to the big screen as the team must take down an arms dealer who has created a bomb made of nanites that will literally eat cities until the kill switch is hit.

Directed by – Stephen Sommers

Written by – Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett, Michael Gordon, Stephen Sommers

Starring – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Gregory Fitoussi, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Karolina Kurkova, Byung-hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Kevin J. O’Connor, Gerald Okamura, Ray Park, Dennis Quaid, Said Taghmaoui, Channing Tatum, Arnold Vosloo, Marlon Wayans

I’m sure there’s two running opinions on this flick. I liked it for the sheer action of it. It’s packed full of explosions, car chases, shooting, fighting and over the top bases that nobody could ever build in the first place. The other camp might not like it because it probably screws with G.I. Joe history and doesn’t follow the mythology of the original series. That’s why I liked it so much, I don’t know anything about the history of G.I. Joe beyond the fact that I watched the cartoon as a kid.

The plot does get pretty convoluted at times. This person has a history with this person who’s related to this other person who’s supposed to be dead but still has a job at the local Wal-Mart and sells guns out of his shed. Or something like that. While all the connect the dots history of the characters can get annoying, I was only in this one for the action and that’s exactly what I got.

The Baroness. The hottest girl to knock you out in years!

I don’t think I would even bother trying to go into the plot at this point. While it’s pretty obvious what’s going on, there’s so much of it that you can get lost. Better to just stick to watching things go boom, and man, do things go boom alot. The action is well done and fits the G.I. Joe theme with giant bases and huge battles. I mean, who really has the money to build a giant underwater city! Of course it’s in there anyway, just like I would expect from a G.I. Joe movie.

While I did really enjoy it, there were some things that bothered me. I didn’t like the way Cobra Commander looked. I love the classic Cobra Commander and his look in the movie wasn’t even close to this. I was assured by a friend that he actually did look this way at one point in the history of G.I. Joe but I can’t remember it and I wish they had chosen a look that the general public would recognize more. Either that or everyone else knows it and I didn’t, that could be the case! I was also bothered by the fact that Snake Eyes suit had a mouth on it. The guy doesn’t talk, why does his suit have a mouth on it. And it looked really odd. Here’s this tight fitting mask that is so tight it’s hugging his lips and saying hello to them. I know, it’s a small thing but it was distracting every time I saw it. I’m weird like that.

The Joe team gets ready for action, in black leather of course.

Overall this movie delivers on the promise of over the top action and that’s all that I wanted from it. I certainly enjoyed it more than I thought I would and I can see how it fits into the popcorn action blockbuster section. I mean, it’s G.I. Joe right, did we really think it would be anything else?

Under the marquee – Will

Now available in toys stores everywhere, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra© action figures! Reenact your favorite scenes from G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra© with this great selection of figures and vehicles, only from Hasbro!

It turns out the only reason the Joes pulled half of the crazy crap they did in this movie was so Hasbro would have enough toys to last them until the next one comes out. It has to be, because this movie was so over the top insane that that could be the only reason. It might even be the only reason they made the movie in the first place. I remember watching Kill Bill, where Uma Thurman slices up the Crazy 88s and thinking to myself, “Wow. This is so over the top insane!” For some reason, saying it then was different from saying it now.

G.I. Joe is an elite group of soldiers – the best of the best, if you will – taken from military groups all over the world, who for some reason still report to the U.S. government. As team leader Dennis Quaid says, “When all else fails, we don’t.” When it’s discovered that weapons magnate James McCullen is using nanotechnology to build an army of super soldiers, the Joes spring into action, and even manage to have a few laughs along the way.

Caught in the middle of all this international intrigue is Duke Dukington, played by Channing Tatum. Tatum’s casting was a stroke of genius, as it’s almost impossible to tell him apart from a plastic action figure. Duke has a personal stake in all of this, when he realizes that his former fiance Anna is helping McCullen carry out his nefarious plans. This leads to some great flashbacks sequences and shots of Tatum staring off into space and looking conflicted. Rounding out the cast are Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols, Said Taghmaoui, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who all manage to play their parts with a straight face.

We’ll return to our review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra© right after this message from Hasbro Toys, makers of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra© action figures!

G.I. Joe is so full of trite action movie conventions that after about 45 minutes, you stop trying to count them and just go with it. I’m still trying to figure out if that makes the movie better or worse. But it’s not all bad. Hmm. Good stuff, good stuff… oh yeah! The movie does have a few impressive visual FX sequences that are a lot of fun to watch. And some of the comedy doesn’t feel as forced or as cheesy as other movies like this. But seriously, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander? Why not cast Topher Grace as He-Man? Or Haley Joel Osment as Lion-O. And is it just me, or is it getting to the point where if a movie has Marines or the President of the United States in it, you know it’s not going to be good?

I gave this movie a chance. I mean, c’mon, I went and saw it even after I had seen the trailer. And it’s important to remember that I don’t hate G.I. Joe. Without it, I wouldn’t fully understand what makes movies like No Country For Old Men so special. I think movies like G.I. Joe serve an important purpose, because without the bad we wouldn’t recognize the good, or how hot Rachel Nichols is.

In the end, I give No Country For Old Men an A G.I. Joe a D. For me, it’s like one of those crazy 10-layer candy bars. By themselves, chocolate or peanuts or caramel or pretzels or marshmallows are all good things. Mixing a few of them up is also good. But when you eat them all together, you crash and end up in a diabetic coma. That’s what G.I. Joe is like. The over the top action, bad acting, bad jokes, miscast characters, two-hour runtime and marshmallow filling all sent me into a diabetic coma. I would approach this only as a TBS Saturday afternoon movie, and maybe not even then. So now you know. And knowing is half the battle! G.I. Joooooooooe!

G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra is exactly the kind of forgettable, mindless, action-packed, CGI-overdone, fun, summer movie worth its popcorn Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen should have been.

It waste no time on tickling your ADD-brain with big explosions, gadgetry and fight scenes, pausing here and there only to give you a bit of background info on its characters via flashbacks and explain why everyone is so emotionally messed up, ’cause you know you have to be emotionally messed up to want to be doing any of the silly things these characters do in the name of bringint toys/cartoon to the big screen.

As a fan of the Cobra Commander, I was really looking forward to this look, instead it was changed for the movie because it apparently reminded the crew of the ku klux klan. Pitty.

This of course isn’t about acting or who got miscast but about who can have the more fun with their characters, in that regard: Marlon Wayans as Ripcord, Sienna Miller as the Baroness (all strutting-boobs first and walking dominatrix fantasy), and Joseph-Gordon-Levitt as the Doc/Cobra Commander are the winners, and Channing Tatum as Duke is the loser.  Channing just doesn’t seem to know how to relax or walk a comfortable line between the goofiness of it all and the supposedly emotional baggage of its character, he’s just not convincing.  Not bad, just not good enough for the part.  Maybe the fact that he at first turned down the role because he just didn’t care to be involved with this type of movies, just kept him from fully embracing his character.  Dennis Quaid as Hawk is completely under-used and therefore pointless really, just as Arnold Vosloo’s Zartan is way too cartoonish.

Christopher Eccleston as James McCullen/Destro doesn’t really bring much to his evil role other than a Irish accent, Lee Byung-Hun isn’t so much evil as just this angry, resentful child who has some major beef with Ray Park’s Snake Eyes and they spent the whole movie kicking each other butts and its fun to see them go at it.  Rachel Nichols as Scarlett plays another brainy yet can’t help herself being a sexy, kick-butt female character, though her catfight with the Baroness does exactly what you expected it to do (you don’t really need me to spell it out do you?).  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje’s Heavy Duty isn’t given much one on one fight time, which is a pitty because such a commanding figure should have been allow at least one big fight scene with someone, though he does gets to blow up some shit, and a funny thing is that his British accents kept cutting off and switching to plain ol’ American, which I thought it was funny.  Another funny thing was the Cobra henchmen that were supposed to be basically zombies impervious to any type of pain and yet, every time one of them got killed or blow away and smacked against something, they would always moan in pain or scream or grunt; so much for not *feeling* any pain.

Ray Park (Snake Eyes) complained that this custome was a pain to be in but you gotta admit: it is the coolest in the whole movie

The plot, completely ridiculous, at least is coherent enough that it can be follow and the movie doesn’t have any holes, flaws yes, but it is consistent and sticks to its purpose in ways that other Hasbro summer film couldn’t even bring itself to.  It is also childish without being crude and sexy without being sexist and it doesn’t for one second, insults your intelligence even if the dialogue doesn’t aspire to be food for thought in any sort of way.  It knows what it is and plays to its strengths with pride, making it a very enjoyable two hours of non-stop action.

So are we to see Hasbro as the new Marvel? Will they be announcing their very own movie production division too?  Will world domination be next? and if so, will Marvel be the good guys or the bad guys?  Not enough summer weeks left to answer all those questions.  Grade: B

G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
PG-13
Directed by: Stephen Sommers
Written by: Stuart Beattie,David Elliot
Starring: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung-hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols,
Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Dennis Quaid, Saïd Taghmaoui, Arnold Vosloo
Runtime: 118mins

So I’ve stated before, I was not expecting much from this movie.  I had pretty low expectations and this movie exceeded them…and not in a good way.  Yo, Joe, your movie sucked!

Where to begin…

I think the thing that pissed me off the most was the horrible dialogue.  Line after line of clichéd jokes, cheesy encouragment, and forced homage to the original cartoon was just too much for me.  It was like Terminator 4 all over again.  Though this time, instead of just assualting my ears, they flipped an already established universe upside down.  They changed the story of the G.I. JOE force and of Duke, Baroness and Ripcord.  They also rearranged the relationships.  The force is no longer American; it is international.  There’s no love triangle between Duke, Snake Eyes and Scarlett.  Instead, Duke and Baronness have some sort of prior romantic history (ah, that explains why she’s no longer Russian) and Scarlett and Ripcord have “an attraction”.  And as for who Cobra Commander is and how McCullen/Destro becomes involved with him…well, I won’t spoil that for you.  All I can say is, REALLY!?!?!  *facepalm*

It didn’t help that the acting was mediocre for the most part.  I do give the actors the benefit of the doubt since they had such a poor script to work with but oh man.  There was a particular scene between Ripcord and Scarlett where Marlon Wayans and Rachel Nichols sounded like they were forcing the emotion, the dialogue, everything…it was like watching a kid swallow cod liver oil or something like that.  Dennis Quaid, who usually does a great job seemed to lack any interest or enthusiasm in the role.  I didn’t like the way he played General Hawk; Hawk is supposed to be gruff but, as one friend put it, Quaid played him too happy.  And his line of “knowing is half the battle”?  Writers, I appreciate you trying to honor the original cartoon but STOP. FORCING. THE. ISSUE.  Marlon Wayans as Ripcord was okay; he was his usual slapstick smartass comedy relief.  Channing Tatum was actually decent as Duke, well this version of it.  I have to give kudos to Sienna Miller as Baronness.  She was bitchy through and through (though I wonder if this was considered a stretch assignment for her).

Even the action and CG in the movie were questionable at times.  I get that you want to give a movie some cool action sequences and have the audience think “Okay, that was awesome!”  Transformers had that.  G.I. JOE had “Oh, come on…really?  That’s just…no.” scenes.  Too over the top and the whole “Let’s slow things down cuz it’ll look more awesome!” technique was abused.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love action and big Baysplosions but at some point in this movie, you get the feeling that they aren’t doing these shots because it fits and makes sense; they’re doing it just cuz they can.  The animation for the Sigma-6 suits looked shoddy, paticularly when running.  The pace didn’t match the amount of ground covered, I thought.  And why even introduce Sigma-6 suits when you’re not going to be using them consistently!?!?!?  The whole chase scene thru the streets of Paris had me sitting in my seat, annoyed cuz it was just ridiculous and not in an entertaining way.  The longer it went on, the more I wanted to join my husband in the popcorn line.  Yup, the man who pretty much loves any movie got up and left to get popcorn cuz he didn’t think he would miss anything by doing so.  And he didn’t.

And speaking of the action, HELLO Star Wars references!  This movie either was paying homage to Star Wars (why?) or stole a lot from it.  There was an underwater battle where the JOEs were using submersibles to attack a base and all I could see were X-wings trying to take out the Death Star.  The base even had a super giant pulse cannon that the JOEs needed to take out otherwise their mother-sub would be sunk.  Yeah…

The end set up for a sequel (optimistic, aren’t we?) and finally reveals Cobra Commander.  Let’s just say that it was bad.  Particulary the look of Cobra Commander.  Remember in the cartoon how he had a helmet and hood?  Well, apparently, the word is that the writers/directors thought the hood was too KKK (um…but wouldn’t that help -ENHANCE- his villiany?) so they gave him a mask instead.  Okay.  Fine.  I would have been okay with that if the mask had been cool looking and maybe related to oh..I dunno..COBRA?  You’d think that the leader of a criminal organization who has an admiration for cobras and names his syndicate after the animal would have a mask fashioned that would somehow incorporate the look of the creature?  But noooooo.  He gets some weird plastic-y looking thing.  Wow.  I think he would have been better off donning a Pharoah’s hat instead.  At least that has a cobra on it!

The end also sort of wraps up the Duke/Baroness storyline and oh gawd…talk about straying from the G.I. JOE universe.  *beats head against wall*  Actually, I should beat the writers’ heads against the wall.

I could keep going but then we’d be venturing into heavy spoiler territory.

There’s very little worth watching in this movie, especially for the price of a ticket these days.  I’m not sure it’s even worth a rental unless you are doing a bad movie night.

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA (Estados Unidos 2.009, 118 Minutos, Acción)
Dirección: Stephen Sommers.
Guión: Stuart Beattie, David Elliot y Paul Lovett; basado en un argumento de Stephen Sommers, Michael B. Gordon y Stuart Beattie; sobre los personajes de “G.I. Joe” de Hasbro.
Reparto: Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung Hun Lee, Sienna Miller, Rachel Nichols, Ray Park, Said Taghmaoui, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Jonathan Pryce, Karolina Kurkova.
Fotografía: Mitchell Amundsen.
Música: Alan Silvestri.

Valoración: 4/10

Sinopsis: Una malvada corporación armamentística ha urdido un plan para hacerse con el control total del planeta sembrando el caos mediante unos sofisticados misiles. Los únicos que puede plantarle cara a los villanos y frenar la amenaza son los G.I. Joe, un supersecreto grupo de agentes especiales que preparados con la más alta tecnología, intervienen en las misiones más complicadas.

Crítica: Es duro admitirlo, pero a uno ya se le acaban las ideas. Se planta aquí, delante del teclado con la firme voluntad de hablaros de tal o cual película sin repetirse demasiado y no sabe cómo empezar. Siendo sinceros, ¿cuántas películas recordáis en los últimos cinco años con sinopsis prácticamente iguales a la que preside estas líneas? ¿Cómo poder aportar algo diferente en estas críticas cuando lo que se critica es invariablemente igual? Lo cierto es que parece ser que se nos intenta encandilar, y tal vez se consiga, con la misma fórmula una y otra vez. Tipos duros, chicas sexys, actitudes arrogantes, gente guapa, gente guay, gente vacua y malos malísimos. Los guiones se han puesto al servicio de la espectacularidad y la máxima no parece ser otra que hacer las cosas argumentalmente lo más sencillas posibles y visualmente lo más barrocas que permita la tecnología y el prespuesto del momento. Es decir, que no se valora el ingenio en un diálogo de más de dos frases lapidarias, pero se admiran e idolatran los lujos de la era digital. A pesar de que la reciente El Caballero Oscuro demostró que las tramas complejas y los personajes trabajados sí funcionan entre el gran público, Hollywood se ha tapado los oídos y ha preferido clasificarlo como la excepción a la regla. Por eso esta crítica de G.I. Joe es muy similar a la de otras que analizan anteriores superproducciones veraniegas. Porque G.I. Joe está concebida para ser otra superproducción veraniega cualquiera, con un guión y unos personajes enclenques y tópicos, mucha acción y adrenalina, y un reparto lleno de músculos y curvas. Lo que debemos agradecerle a Sommers es tal vez la honestidad de dejar las cartas boca arriba desde el primer minuto, rodar una presentación que muestra con claridad las intenciones de la futurible saga y reducir al máximo el metraje. G.I. Joe puede despetar un serio dolor de cabeza debido a su incansable montaña rusa de tiros y golpes, pero al menos no agota empeñándose en mantener al público otra hora más en el asiento sin ningún motivo argumental. A pesar de este panorama, en el que la brevedad de una jaqueca es marcado como el factor más favorable de una cinta, aquí seguiré. Esperando a que llegue alguna superproducción que realmente merezca llamarse así no sólo por el número de ceros invertidos y recogidos. Que sea como aquellas de la vieja escuela, que te escupían del cine embadurnado de la sensación de haber contemplado un espectáculo único y original, y no una excusa más para poner a prueba el límite del copyandpaste.

It doesn’t surprise me there are people out there who like G.I. Joe. Not to be negative, but people are, by and large, not very intelligent. What surprises me is anyone who thought they were making a competent action picture. You’d think the success of Van Helsing would keep Sommers away from franchises or potential franchises, but Paramount’s apparently desperate.

I’m trying to think if there’s anything good about G.I. Joe. It does use a T.Rex song to some good effect, but it’s apparently a remix. The original portions of the song are good. Marlon Wayans, though he’s vomiting out some horrendous dialogue, is all right. Christopher Eccleston gives the least bad bad performance.

As for the bad performances–Channing Tatum is awful. I hope he’s never in anything I see again. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s presence is inexplicable and, as much as I love him, certainly doesn’t suggest he’s going to be making very many good movies in the future. Sienna Miller is bad but not awful–Rachel Nichols is much, much worse, for example.

The foreign actors–Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and poor Saïd Taghmaoui–are terrible.

For a supposedly apolitical film, the French take a lot of hits. Mostly, it’s just Sommers regurgitating other films–Iron Man, Blackhawk Down, Star Wars–only with crappy CG again and poorly done action sequences.

The toy commercials had better action and better writing. Probably better acting too.

Wait, Arnold Vosloo is all right.

I didn’t even mention the music.

CREDITS

Directed by Stephen Sommers; screenplay by Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett, based on a story by Michael Gordon, Beattie and Somers; director of photography, Mitchell Amundsen; edited by Bob Ducsay and Jim May; music by Alan Silvestri; production designer, Ed Verreaux; produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura, Ducsay and Sommers; released by Paramount Pictures.

Starring Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Heavy Duty), Christopher Eccleston (McCullen), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Rex), Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow), Sienna Miller (Ana), Rachel Nichols (Scarlett), Kevin J. O’Connor (Dr. Mindbender), Ray Park (Snake Eyes), Dennis Quaid (General Hawk), Saïd Taghmaoui (Breaker), Channing Tatum (Duke), Arnold Vosloo (Zartan), Marlon Wayans (Ripcord) and Jonathan Pryce as the President of the United States.

This film will inevitably be compared to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen– the explosions are plentiful, the monuments are destroyed, the gadgets are on display, and the characterization is limited. However, while Transformers’ terrific special effects got bogged down by the films’ seriousness, this movie’s cheesy special effects are elevated by the film’s sense of fun. This is the type of film where a shootout is taking place in an empty room, save two barrels… so when the bad guys get shot and their bodies are blown backwards, guess where they land? If a detail like this bothers you because it’s corny and lame, then stay away. However, if this is the type of film where you can imagine yourself grinning shamelessly with a big bag of popcorn, enjoying everything that “serious-minded cinemagoers” will deem corny and lame, then this movie is a breath of fresh air for you in the midst of consecutive summers of serious action films in desperate need of editing. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is non-stop popcorn bliss.

We open with a title card that says, “France, 1641.” (If the fact that the film based on toy soldiers opens this way doesn’t already has you smiling, prepare for 100 minutes of smiles.) We see a ranting Scotsman named McCullen vowing vengeance on the world via his future generations who has a metal mask welded to his face. This helps us in the audience, even those completely unfamiliar with GI Joe, gather two key facts: 1) The next Scottish person we see will be a villain. 2) At some point, he will have a metal mask on. The next scene shows us Scottish weapons designer McCullen (Christopher Eccleston, known to sci-fi heads as Dr. Who), who has enlisted Army soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) to lead a team protecting the transport of warheads filled with nanomites, robotic bugs that eat everything in its path and don’t stop until deactivated. The Baroness (Sienna Miller), known for her skintight leather outfits, and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee), known for his white samurai outfits, attempt to steal these warheads, but a team of special forces stops them.

We are then introduced to the GI Joes in their insanely enormous underground lair, called The Pit. We are also introduced to McCullen and his evil plot, in his insanely enormous underwater lair. Unless you have an insanely enormous hidden lair, you simply can’t keep up in the international wargame biz. The Joes are mostly humorless, so the swagger of Duke and the wisecracks of Ripcord throw a wrench into their works, especially Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), who hates Ripcord so that later she can fall in love with him. The villains use nanomites to control henchmen, make them fearless, and reject injury from hurting their body. This is shown by a crony reaching his hand into a box with a king cobra in it, getting bitten on the arm, and then watching the venom slowly ooze backwards out of the wound. If you’re going to be sticking your arms into cobra boxes, nanomites sure would come in handy.

Is that the cobra of the title? No, it’s a cobra owned by The Doctor, who we can deduce will be the Cobra who Rises. We can also deduce that he’s being played by a heavily made-up Joseph Gordon-Levitt. How do we know this? Because Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a well-known actor playing a very small part earlier in the film, as the Baroness’s brother and the friend of Duke. Duke also has a past romance with the Baroness, which will clearly come into play when she has a conflicted moment where she can stay committed to a life of villainy or save her former love’s life.

I’m not spoiling anything here. The plot isn’t where the fun lies. The fun is in the gadgetry, the earnest performances of actors having fun chewing into their lines, and the action scenes which are skillfully directed. Sommers lets the camera follow the actors (or their CGI replicas), not succumbing to the rapid cutting that is a staple in so many other action films. There wasn’t a single performance that I didn’t like in this film, from Dennis Quaid stoically barking every line as General Hawk, to Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Mr. Eko from TV’s Lost) as the cool British Joe named Heavy Duty, to Saïd Taghmaoui as Breaker, the sincere technology expert. Sienna Miller seems especially suited to this genre (despite expressing a distaste for it in recent interviews)– she plays the Baroness as a high-class villainess, who shoots a machine gun to clear people out of a room, yet still takes the time to tell an exiting lady, “Nice shoes.” Sommers photographs her form-fitting outfits lovingly.

My favorite characters were Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes (Ray Park). Snake Eyes never reveals his face and never speaks, which makes him immediately more intriguing than any of the other characters. When he first encounters his evil counterpart, Storm Shadow greets him, “Hello, brother.” They share a deep understanding of one another– at least, as deep as any kung fu adversaries do. They reveal flashbacks to their childhood. At one point, Snake Eyes stops pursuing the bad guys’ van. The Baroness: “Looks like he gave up.” Storm Shadow’s face turns to immediate panic. “He never gives up.” The van immediately gets hit by an oncoming train, explodes, and does superfluous barrel rolls. My favorite line of dialogue in the whole film is Storm Shadow’s final line to Snake Eyes during their final epic swordfight. I wouldn’t dare spoil it here– plot twists in this film are a dime a dozen, but the fun cheesy lines that the actors have fun with are treasures.

Fans of The Mummy will note three appearances by Stephen Sommers favorites. Brendan Fraser plays a commander in the GI Joe camp, and it’s not a Cannonball Run-esque reveal, “Oh my God, it’s movie star Brendan Fraser!” He actually plays a supporting role, and has a funny line or two. Arnold Vosloo, who played the villainous Imhotep, is Zartan, the master of disguise, who is especially vicious and loves whistling “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” as he commits foul deeds of villainy (shadows of Peter Lorre in M?). Finally, in a short scene, Kevin J. O’Connor, hilarious as Benny in The Mummy and Igor in Van Helsing (and deeply moving as Daniel’s “brother” in There Will Be Blood), is the nefarious Dr. Mindbender, who will hopefully play a larger role in the sequel.

Frankly, I hope there is a sequel. There are few films that I can say give me unrestrained B-movie pleasure, and this delivers. There are some action sequences, especially a chase through Paris using some nifty acceleration suits, that deliver the pulpy goods. The only guilt I feel after seeing a movie like this is that I can only give it two and a half kernels– it’s not *quite* as good as The Mummy (which was funnier and more of a love letter to its genre), and some of the special effects are Sci-Fi Channel quality, so putting it at three kernels would be letting my grin do the reviewing and not my brain. Many of you will likely hate it. The fact that movies like this get openings of 4,000 screens while much of America still hasn’t seen Moon or The Hurt Locker is depressing. This film is short on witty dialogue, character development, and true tension. But as far as mindless summer action films go (and let’s face it, sometimes those too can deliver pleasure), GI Joe rises to near the top of the list.

De Stephen Sommers, avec Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Channing Tatum, Rachel Nichols, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Saïd Taghmaoui, Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, …

Les G.I Joe sont des agents d’élite qui disposent des dernières technologies pour combattre les terroristres de l’organisation Cobra, dont le but est de détruire le monde (ou un truc comme ça).

Un film portant le nom de G.I. Joe, forcément on ne peut pas le prendre au sérieux. Du coup, on peut se permettre de laisser son cerveau à l’entrée de la salle et regarder. De l’action, il y en a. Et comparé à l’autre blockbuster de l’été (Transformers II), ces scènes d’actions sont mieux gérées car on ne s’y perd pas malgré le côté assez kitsch des effets spéciaux (mais jamais pire que ceux de Van Helsing).

Ces scènes d’actions sont séparées donc par l’histoire du film. D’ailleurs, pour comprendre la psychologie des personnages, on a le droit à des flashbacks. Ces flashbacks sont, pour moi, les scènes les plus drôles du cinéma cette année. La manière dont elles sont amenées en utilisant un zoom sur le personnage en train de réflechir, n’est pas sans rappeler le film “Y-a-t-il un pilote dans l’avion ?”*. Le peu d’intrique qu’il y a, est totalement prévisible. Et contrairement à d’autres films, on pense (et on arrive à croire) que cela est totalement voulu de la part du réalisateur (elles sont bizarres ces prisons où les prisonniers restent debout dans le noir). On a même l’impression de se retrouver dans une mini-parodie de James Bond avec le méchant mégalo, les gadgets “que même si tu le voulais, tu n’y aurais pas pensé”, le savant un peu barge et les belles filles. Il y a également un côté Star Wars à la fin du film.

De même, le film évite de tomber dans le pro-américanisme à outrance et lorsque cela se produit, à très petite dose, cela n’est pas insupportable.

Niveau acteur, je ne peux vraiment juger Sienna Miller tellement je bavais en la regardant. Tatum est égale à lui-même, mauvais, Wayans s’en sort bien mais reste dans son élément comique avec ses petite blagues. Eccleston est égal à lui-même et me fait regretter sa seule saison comme Doctor. Bref, rien de révolutionnaire. La surprise vient de Dennis Quaid qui était à la limite du risible. Et puis ça fait plaisir de revoir Eko.

Pour résumer, G.I Joe est LE blockbuster de cet été. On y trouve tous les ingrédients et en plus, il ne se prend pas au sérieux, ce qui fait qu’on passe un bon moment et on ressort avec le sourire au lèvres. Choses qui n’étaient pas gagnées d’avance vu que ce film était annoncé comme un navet complet (avec ses 150.000 trailers). Il semble qu’une suite soit déjà programmée, et en espérant que S.Sommers ne fasse pas le même travail de suite qu’avec Le retour de la Momie, je pense que j’irais la voir.

*on a les références que l’on peut.

Note: 2,7/5

Trailer:

Titolo originale: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Regia: Stephen Sommers

Cast: Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Said Tagmaoui, Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung-hun Lee, Rachel Nichols, Ray Park,  Brendan Fraser, Jonathan Pryce, Marlon Wayans, Arnold Vosloo, Karolina Kurkova

Distribuzione: Universal Pictures, USA, 2009

Guarda il trailer

La super squadra G. I. Joe è una squadra speciale composta dai migliori soldati del mondo che entra in gioco quando le forze convenzionali falliscono. Per le sue missioni si serve della tecnologia spionistica e militare più avanzata. Quando l’ambiguo industriale McCullen ( Christopher Eccleston) minaccia il mondo con un’arma pericolosissima a base di nanotecnologia, il team entra in azione per fermarlo.

Spettacolare ed esplosiva questa pellicola firmata da Stephen Sommers, (regista dei primi due capitoli de La Mummia), e tratta dalla serie di fumetti, action figures e cartoni animati G.I. Joe, in voga tra gli anni 60 e gli anni 80.  Quello che si preannuncia come il primo capitolo di una saga, come si intuisce dal finale apertissimo e in chiara aria di sequel, si caratterizza per l’azione adrenalinica e per le scene mozzafiato, ambientate nelle location più svariate, dall’Egitto al centro di Parigi fino ai ghiacci polari. Gli effetti digitali sono potentissimi, come dimostra  la scena dello spettacolare inseguimento  per le strade di Parigi.

Passiamo ora alle note dolenti: la trama è abbastanza scarna, stringata e scontata: i due amici e soldati Duke (Channing Tatum) e Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) vengono arruolati in extremis in questo dream team diretto dal generale Hawk (Dennis Quaid) composto da supermen: il genio dell’informatica e della tecnologia, Breaker ( Said Taghmaoui), il ninja che non parla mai, Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), esperto di armi, e da una superwoman,  Shana “Scarlett” O’Hara ( Rachel Nichols). La trama si basa su dei personaggi antitetici e sui loro rapporti, in primis quello tra Duke e Ana (Sienna Miller), la Baronessa, ex fidanzati ora in schieramenti opposti, e quello tra Snake Eyes e il ninja bianco. Storm Shadow ( Byung-hun Lee) nemici sin da bambini e protagonisti di sequenze di combattimento a dir poco spettacolari. C’è spazio per l’azione, ma c’è anche modo di analizzare i personaggi e le loro storie personali: così si scopre ad esempio come mai è finita la storia tra Duke e Ana, o cosa spinge McCullen, il futuro Destro,  alle sue azioni criminali.

Proseguiamo con il cast, decisamente variegato ma ben scelto, a partire dal protagonista, Duke, interpretato da Channing Tatum, il ballerino ribelle del primo Step Up, perfetto nel ruolo del bravo ragazzo dal cuore spezzato, deciso a tutto pur di portare a termine la missione e magari riconquistare la donna della sua vita; il simpaticissimo Ripcord, migliore amico di Duke, molto ironico e dalla battuta pronta, anche nei momenti più drammatici, interpretato da Marlon Wayans, membro della dinastia Wayans onnipresente nel cinema e nella tv made in USA, visto finora solo in ruoli demenziali come in Scary Movie, ma che qui dimostra di essere anche altro. Dennis Quaid è il perfetto generale Hawk, ma la vera sorpresa è Sienna Miller nei panni di Ana, donna cinica e spietata, combattente instancabile, perfetta action woman. Difficile riconoscerla in questi panni, anche per via della grande somiglianza fisica a causa della capigliatura corvina con le attrici Kate Beckinsale e Rhona Mitra. (Confesso che fino ai titoli di coda non avevo capito che fosse lei l’interprete di Ana…) La Miller appare talmente a proprio agio in questi panni da essere scambiata per un’esperta di ruoli d’azione. Inoltre abbiamo due protagonisti de La Mummia, Arnold Vosloo, nei panni di Zartan, l’uomo in grado di cambiare volto, e c’è un piccolo cameo di Brendan Fraser.

In definitiva un buon prodotto, anche se decisamente da migliorare dal punto di vista della trama. Speriamo che il secondo capitolo, la cui realizzazione appare di fatto scontata, migliori questo aspetto.

Conclusione: Consigliato.

Voto: 6.5