This one goes out to all my homies with voices I wish I didn’t have to hear: Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr, Lewis Black and countless others.

Chris Rock, I really do want to kill the messenger. Why are yelling at me? You’re like the guy that forgets to turn off his caps lock – I know you mean well, but I can’t talk to you when you’re being like this. Maybe if you brought it down a notch – perhaps to the level of the Guy Who Capitalizes The First Letter Of Every Word, I could laugh much, much harder at your relationship humour, political references and cultural jabs. One of the greatest comedians of all time? Yeah, if my TV’s on mute.

Dave Chappelle, I wish you were the man I met oh-so-many years ago in Half Baked. Your delivery is wiggly, loud, distracting and I feel like I just don’t know you anymore. Rick James, on the other hand, I unfortunately know very well.

Bill Burr, you remind me of Rockhound from Armageddon. I always forget that guy’s name – Steve Buscemi? You’re rude, honest and vulgar, with a dash of bordering-on psychotic. I love it. Unfortunately, your tone is reminiscent of a food processor. But balls on a dog? That’s just ludicrous!

Lewis Black, oh, Lewis Black. I see what you mean, but I feel if I sat closer to the TV, you’d spit on me. Or have a heart attack and I’d have to give your saliva-coated mouth CPR. No, thank you.

Gentlemen, you are hilarious. It’s nothing personal – I would just rather be listening to my vacuum cleaner than your pitches. Okay, maybe that is slightly personal. Do you think Russell Peters could read your jokes?

Chimney Swifts

If you live in the eastern part of the United States, perhaps you have watched the sooty-black colored chimney swifts darting over the housetops or disappearing in large numbers into some unused chimney at dusk.

Chimney swifts roost inside unused chimneys by clinging to the inside walls with their sharp toenails and using their short, spiny tail to prop them up.

They rarely perch on branches because their feet and legs are small and weak, and cannot support them well.

The chimney swifts build its nest by gluing small twigs to the chimney wall with a glue-like saliva from its beak.  Some nests are almost entirely made up of saliva, and look like half-saucers made of milky glass.

In some countries, men sometimes collect nests and make a soup from them.

During the day, swifts are almost always in the air, flying with a bat like flight.  They like to fly in large groups, capturing insect food while flying.  They almost always return at dust to the chimney where they live in large numbers.

Visual source:  wqed

The Hotchocspoon is an absolute game changer for the morning beverage world.  Hot chocolate will never be the same.

The idea is simple. Place a spoon in a mould with 50 grams of delicious liquid chocolate. Let the chocolate solidify, remove the chocolate covered spoon from the mould and stir this through hot, full fat milk. Heavenly.

Chocolate addicts be warned.

-Räusche

To: salivarygland@dog.com

From: mouth@dog.com

Subject: Emergency!

Alert!  Please triple all saliva production immediately!  We’re going through this stuff at an alarming rate!

I discovered something very interesting recently about a very odd workout habit of mine….I perform better when I’m chewing gum.

Magical Power sticks or figment of my imagination?

When I was in high school, I ran virtually everyday throughout the summer, usually between 3-5 miles a day. I recall chewing gum on longer runs because it somehow seemed to help regulate my breathing and kept my open mouth from getting too dry. Obviously in the intervening college years and for a few thereafter—which we’ll call my “fatness years”—I didn’t workout all that much, so aside from using it to stave off the boredom of finance, accounting, statistics and other lame classes or work, I had no use for gum.

Since beginning my all-out assault on my fatness, my gum chewing has spiked to levels never seen before. For each kettlebells class, I require a minimum of 2 pieces to get me through the often grueling 45-60 minute sessions.

I really have no scientific basis for my hypothesis—and I’m open to any information, research, or resources anyone can find—but I’m absolutely convinced that chewing gum has improved the level of my workouts. It could be that it simply takes my mind of a possible deep-seated oral fixation I must have, allowing me to focus exactly on what I’m doing and on nothing else. Or, perhaps, it does in fact actually help regulate my breathing so that I’m using oxygen more efficiently, thereby powering my muscles through a session. It could be that there’s a direct correlation between the increased saliva you produce by chewing gum and overall physical performance. Or maybe it’sjust nothing more than a placebo effect, similar to all those sugar pill results you hear about when pharm companies are comparing their results that boast “64% more effective fat burning!” and the like.

Gum chewing + workout = probably a bad idea.

Detractors and those with a little common sense will say that this whole notion of gum chewing and working out is just a flat out terrible idea (they’re probably right).  I’m fully aware of the choking hazards this practice can present, and I wouldn’t endorse it for everyone (or anyone, really). To be honest, most of the time I’m not even chewing while doing kettlebell swings or any other short-burst exercise that requires extreme exertion. In those cases the gum is tucked neatly (and ironically) against my gums until I’ve finished the set, when chewing resumes. But regardless of the actual application, I now feel almost naked if I find myself gumless heading into a workout session.

My future lecture on performance enhancing gum chewing? Or not.

It’s odd, those little quirks and funny things you learn about yourself on a daily basis when you put yourself in a static, consistent environment. Maybe gum chewing is just one of my own idiosyncrasies that few others have. Or maybe I’m on the leading edge of a performance breakthrough in the fitness world. Whatever the case, it sure does taste good.

PS. I recommend mint. It’s refreshing, unlike those fruity gums that are all sugary and seem to make you thirstier.

PPS. I’m going to actively search for studies about this subject. I know there’s something there, right?

Instacloth!

hao made this video from a while ago and many of my friends are like, “aw, poor ally…” as if hao forced me to put towels in my mouth. hahaha. all i can say is that her choice of effects was interesting.

but yeah, we were bored and i was wondering if the thing would expand in my mouth. it was underwhelming, actually, compared to my prediction. i thought that it’d be like instantaneous and overflowing… but it wasn’t. the towel WAS soaking up all my saliva, though, if you could hear me. so we added the water. and yeah. really works!

later, peepole

( Post 11.14.09. Illustrations. )

- I can tell in an instant when people don’t like me.

- Really? How can you tell?

- They usually spit on my face.

_______________________________________________________________

Cashemiro (de volta dos mortos – não és só tu oh jesus christmiro

Vertijul alunecării vertiginoase pe axa săruturilor clandestine, imorale mă determină totuşi s-adopt o stare de bine .Deoarece acum moralitatea-i desuetă pentru majoritatea, acul busolei saporific mă-ndreapta spre locuri bizare, spre acţiuni inavuabile, poate.

Sunt prins în acest alt vertij al existenţialelor probleme,probleme care-mi oferă o cale de scăpare din zilnică monotonie,rutină..

Şi de ce să iubesc, dac-acei ei îşi vor găsi sfârşirea? Înaintea ta, cel mai probabil..”şi ea pleacă şi văd firimituri de fulgi”..Deci, de ce? Să-mi chinuiesc chipul schiţând improbabile blazate zâmbete pot. Am motive, am nevoie de ele .Doar de ele. E un fel de cea mai tare lume interioară [a mea].

Amestecul de salivă-mi mângâie duios  suprafaţa roşie  a buzelor crăpate de zefir, făcându-mă mai bine să mă simt, mai puţin solitar. Inspir cu nesaţ gudron, afundându-mă şi mai adânc în lumea mea, doar eu am cheia.

Today, I’m going to talk about the two most embarrassing situations that my clients normally face when massage therapists are around. At times, clients feel embarrassed to the extent that they don’t call up the same masseuse again. On a number of occasions I’ve seen people move out having a shameful look on their face. Well, if they only knew that this type of situation was common, I’m sure they wouldn’t do that. To ensure responsibility on my part, I’ve explained the two most embarrassing situations that my clients face and how should they actually react to it:

Pool of drool
It is common that people feel at peace after a relaxing massage and often drift to slumber. However, when they wake up, they find their pillow or massage table wet with drool. This is a common occurrence which happens because of excess saliva production during sleep. Simply ask for a tissue from the massage therapist, or keep it near your pillow before the massage begins.

Erection
Male clients are worried about erection during massage therapy session. It is true that erection happens while massage, but it is nothing to worry about, or feel embarrassed. People do get erection in regular therapeutic massage. The parasympathetic nervous system of your body activates when it senses touch. This causes partial or full erection.

Your massage therapist is experienced enough to understand this and will ignore it. If you still feel conscious, you can wear boxers or men’s bikini bathing suit during the session.

Apart from this, there are other hesitations, which keep people from going for a massage. This includes obesity, not knowing how to tip a massage therapist and finding the right massage parlor. I will deal with them in the upcoming posts. Until then, happy massaging!

The Massage Guru

Saliva [1997]

Beg [Explicit]
Sink
Call It Something [Explicit]
Spitshine
Greater Than Less Than
Cellophane
Tongue
Pin Cushion
Sand Castle
Groovy
I Want It
Suffocate
800 [Explicit]

<<< Download >>>

Every Six Seconds [2001]

Superstar
Musta Been Wrong
Click Click Boom
Your Disease
After Me
Greater Than/Less Than
Lackluster
Faultine
Beg
Hollywood
Doperide
My Goodbyes

<<< Download >>>

Back Into Your System [2002]

Superstar II [Explicit]
Weight Of The World
Always
Back Into Your System
All Because Of You
Raise Up
Separated Self
Rest In Pieces
Storm
Holdin On
Pride [Explicit]
Famous Monsters

<<< Download >>>

Survival of the Sickest [2004]

Rock & Roll Revolution
Bait & Switch
One Night Only
Survival of the Sickest
No Regrets, Vol. 2
Two Steps Back
Open Eyes
Fuck All Y’All
I Want You
Carry On
Razor’s Edge
No Hard Feelings

<<< Download >>>

Blood Stained Love Story [2007]

Ladies and Gentlemen
Broken Sunday
Never Gonna Change
King Of The Stereo
One More Chance
Going Under
Twister
Black Sheep
Starting Over
Here With You

<<< Download >>>

Cinco Diablo [2008]

Family Reunion
My Own Worst Enemy
Best Of Me
How Could You?
Hunt You Down
Judgment Day
Forever And A Day
I’m Coming Back
Southern Girls
So Long

<<< Download >>>

Info on saliva, Click HERE

Salud!

Pulling myself apart today, to see what’s underneath. I analyze the things I say, it’s a mystery to me.

Why can’t I be normal like everyone else? Why can’t I become something more than myself? I reach and I’m trying to believe in me but its just too hard to see.

I looked up at the stars tonight, to see your face and to feel your presence now. I need you here right now.. I came from a lonely place, Windows strewn in my darkest hour now. I need you here right now, I need you here, because you won’t leave me lonely.

Who am I now? And when will I be found? What if I drown? I’m going under now. Lost like a ship without a sail and terrified to fail. Sick of the sickness that I feel. It’s a mystery to me because I’ll be gone until forever.. I’ll be home.. Until my name is etched in stone.

Credit :  Going Under & Broken sunday by Saliva.

salud!

Daca ti-a placut, da-i un vot via FTW

despre corpul tau :

* Trecerea alimentelor din gura in stomac dureaza 7 secunde.
* Parul omenesc poate suporta o greutate de 3 kg.
* Penisul unui barbat are, in medie, de 3 ori masura degetului sau mare, de la mana.
* Osul de la sold este mai tare decat cimentul.
* Inima unei femei bate mai repede decat a unui barbat.
* Exista in jur de 3 mii de milioane de bacterii in fiecare din laba piciorului tau.
* Femeile clipesc de doua ori mai des decat barbatii.
* Pielea corpului omenesc cantareste de doua ori mai mult decat creierul.
* Corpul tau utilizeaza 300 de muschi, numai pentru a se mentine in echilibru, cand sta in picioare.
* Daca saliva ta nu poate dizolva un anumit aliment, nu-l poti savura.
* Femeile au terminat, deja, de citit acest mesaj. Barbatii continua sa-si masoare degetul mare…

Le-am primit pe mail si mi s-au parut interesante asa ca m-am gandit sa le impartasesc cu voi

3200754    น้ำลายกับสุขภาพช่องปากชั้นสูง    Advanced Saliva and Oral Health

บทบาทของน้ำลายในการบำรุงรักษาสุขภาพช่องปาก โปรตีนและเปปไทด์ต้านเชื้อในน้ำลาย เทคนิคการเก็บน้ำลาย การตรวจปัจจัยในน้ำลายเพื่อประเมินสุขภาพช่องปาก

(Roles of saliva in maintaining the healthy oral cavity; antimicrobial peptides and proteins in saliva; saliva collection techniques; determination of salivary factors of oral health assessment.)

(3200754 จุฬาลงกรณ์มหาวิทยาลัย)

Have you ever wondered if  joint aches, memory lapses, dry mouth and other disorders are signs of aging or actually signs of pending illness?  Take heart. Scientists have learned that the protein content of the saliva changes as women age and that some of these changes may actually be markers of disease, in particular, diseases in which the immune system attacks itself, such as lupus.

In a study published in a recent issue of the Journal of Proteome Research, researches analyzed proteins in saliva samples taken from 532 healthy women between the ages of 20 and 30 and 55 and 65.  They found that about half of the protein types were unique in the particular age group. What’s more, older women had almost twice as many immune-type proteins in their saliva than their younger peers. The results remained even after the researchers factored in such things as age, time that the saliva was collected and whether or not the women were menopausal.

Not only researchers hope that proteins in saliva will prove to be useful in diagnosing risk of certain diseases, but they are also investigating ways in which they might be used in tests that will make diagnosis and treatment of certain age-related diseases in women easier. Saliva for example, is far more accessible and less invasive than a blood prick.

Could easier disease diagnosis be only a spit away? What a salicious thought.

Beijo bom é aquele de boca inteira no lábio de cima e debaixo, com dentes, língua e saliva.
É com mãos e lóbulos das orelhas entre as dobras dos dedos.

Beijo bom é aquele que tem pele e cabelos emaranhados.
É quando os poros arrepiam os pêlos ao sentirem as batidas do coração do outro acelerarem…

Beijo bom  é sem pressa, sem medo , sem vergonha… é safado!

Hum… beijo é bom! É bom e pronto!

(Sheila Regina – 21/11/09 – 14h31pm)

(from M. Ondaatje, to dear Billy:)

As far as dress was concerned

He always looked as if 

He had just stepped out of a bandbox.

( wait wait wait)

3213602    น้ำลายกับสุขภาพช่องปาก    Saliva and Oral Health

บทบาทของน้ำลายในการบำรุงรักษาสุขภาพช่องปาก โปรตีนและเปปไทด์ต้านเชื้อในน้ำลาย เทคนิคการเก็บน้ำลาย การตรวจปัจจัยในน้ำลายเพื่อประเมินสุขภาพช่องปาก

(Roles of saliva in maintaining oral health; antimicrobial peptides and proteins in saliva; saliva collection techniques; determination of saliva factors for oral health assessment.)

(3213602 จุฬาลงกรณ์มหาวิทยาลัย)

3213704    ชีวเคมีของน้ำลาย    Biochemistry of Saliva

อิเลคโทรไลต์ในน้ำลาย การเปลี่ยนแปลงของอิเลคโทรไลต์ในน้ำลาย ปฏิสัมพันธ์ของแคลเซียมและฟอสเฟตในน้ำลาย ไกลโคโปรตีนและสารในหมู่เลือด อิมูโนโกลบูลิน ปัจจัยป้องกันที่ไม่ใช่อีมูโนโกลบูลินในน้ำลายมนุษย์ ฮอร์โมนในน้ำลาย

(Salivary electrolytes; changes in electrolytes of saliva; salivary calcium and phosphate interactions; glycoproteins and blood group substance; immunoglobulin; nonimmunoglobulin defense factors in human saliva; hormones in saliva.)

(3213704 จุฬาลงกรณ์มหาวิทยาลัย)

BIGGER THAN you could heft in two arms, this gray ball, concrete, embossed with the silhouette of the contintents — through this ball passes a boundary that is hard to see but real enough see how these people this country call themselves after the equator. And it tears me apart how I am spreadlegged over the mystery, tugged where I am so south and tugged north an invisible string she tugs at me stop please continue.

other lines of note :

The ten foot length of a red-tailed boa which Rodrigo and I spread between us my end drooping it was that heavy.

The resolute forearm, paw curved, fried, unconnected to anything else was a guinea pig now an imaginary boundary on the table between my father and I and I have crossed it.

nu ca n-as fi eu invidios si dornic sa imi vars rahaturile mele pe tudor chirila, dar aici chiar imi place despre el. Mai ales de capacitatea de autoanaliza. si de autoironia gingashe.

Thirteen things I hate… Today…

13. BMW drivers – Think they own the world because they drive a BMW.  I was always told that Mercedes drivers represent old money and BMW driver’s new money.  So I am coming to the conclusion that new money means having to show people you have money and that equates to buying / leasing a beemer and driving like you don’t give a shit about anyone else on the road.  I must honk 2 of them a day for not signaling or cutting people off.  Assholes.

12. My office keyboard.  Stupid thing got wet (something to do with me spilling water on it) and now when I type capital letters the Ucking thing drops the first letter and capitalizes the next one… 

11. Swine flu / H1N1 / influenza panic… Good g-d, people are going to make themselves sick worrying about the damn vaccination.

10. The NY Yankees.  They won the world series last night and, well, see my post on them on my sports blog; www.daddyknowssports.wordpress.com.

9. Our former nanny.  Left us a couple weeks ago and has been texting me asking for more money – extra money that she thinks she is entitled to, but confusing with vacation pay which she received way more than she was entitled to.  She thinks she was given extra pay our of the kindness of our hearts, I told her it was but there aint no more.  Now she’s bitching about calling the labour department.  I called first and we’re good.  She’s a noob. 

8.  My Achilles.  I finally stretched a lot and went for a run to test it out.  Ran for 10 minutes and there was no pain, but it felt really weak, like any sudden movement would cause it to hurt.  I hate that.  I need to run to stay healthy.

7.  My weight.  I blame it on Halloween that I am forced to eat those fucking little chocolate bars like they are going out of style.  Because they are small does not allow me to eat 10 of them at once, right?  OR does it…

6.  Fair-weather friends.  Either you’re my friend and you want to hang out, or we’re not and that’s fine, but don’t string me along by being phony and they never come out.  I can’t waste time on this whole being social thing… After planning a few outings, if it’s not reciprocated, I’m done with you.

5.  Jedi vs. Sith on Facebook.  I’m fucking addicted!  Grrrr.  As of last night I was 78th in the world.  14 million players have this application.  I have 4100 points (3 points for a win, lose 1 for a loss) and the leader has 40,000.

4.  Hulk Hogan signing with TNA wrestling.  It’s a shitty promotion that might have potential if they cut the gimmicks and produced a decent show.  Crappy writing and even crappier plots make me wonder why this show exists.  Besides the fact that I hate the name “TNA” since it is too close to “Tits ‘n’ Ass” but Total Non-stop Action is not the name for a successful wrestling organization.  And Hogan… 56 years old.  Seriously.

3.   My choice of area for trick-or-treating this year.  Sucks ass.  I expected the $2 million dollar home owners to kick out some kick-ass treats for the kids.  But one candy-bar per houses?!?  Cheapskates!  How disappointing.  Not making that mistake again!

2.  Guns and Roses.  I’m still pissed at them for their simply horrible release this year.  I kind of wish they had released a bunch of stuff throughout the past decade so the shit they put on this album might have come out in other releases.   There is no good hard rock nowadays and as I listen to a few of their songs on my iPod It makes me even more pissed off.  They used to be great.  Same for Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver.  Where is the new Saliva, Disturbed and Rob Zombie?

1.  Iran.  Saw this news story and it pisses me off, considering Iran claims to be doing nothing wrong. Ever.

The seizure of a massive shipment of Iranian arms bound for terrorist organization Hizbollah, proves the arms flow to Syria and south Lebanon from Iran.  The attempt to smuggle arms to Syria and Hizbullah was an Iranian violation of a UN Security Council resolution.  Typically, Iran continues to smuggle arms to terrorists under the guise of legitimate international commerce, turning the Mediterranean Sea into a platform for illegal action. 

The weapons seizure “unequivocally and without a doubt” proves the Iran-Syria-south Lebanon weapons-trafficking route.

The ship was released overnight Wednesday after 36 weapons-filled containers were unloaded, and the 12 crew members boarded the vessel and made their way back on their planned route.

Hundreds of tons of weaponry, the largest arms seizure in Israel’s history, were intercepted in the daring raid by Israeli naval commandos aboard the cargo ship sailing 100 nautical miles west of Israel.

The arms shipment was 10 times the size of the cache found on the Palestinian arms ship Karine A in 2002, defense officials said.

The different types of arms offloaded from the ship were familiar to Israel as those Hizbullah already possesses in its arsenal, Israel Radio quoted defense officials as saying.

Military sources assessed Teheran would be forced to change its smuggling routes following the Israel Navy’s successful operation.

The cache was hidden inside shipping containers belonging to the Islamic Republic of Iran Shipping Lines (IRISL) which departed from the Bandar Abbas Port in Iran some 10 days ago, were unloaded in the Egyptian port of Damietta and then loaded onto the Francop, a German vessel flying an Antiguan flag.

On Wednesday, Israeli PM, Netanyahu addressed the international community concerning Iran’s material support for terrorist organizations by saying, “Iran is sending these weapons to terror organizations to harm Israeli cities and kill its citizens.  The time has come for the international community to exert real pressure on Iran to stop this criminal activity and to support Israel when it defends itself against these terrorists and their patrons.”

This is going to be a tough task considering the axis of evil lined up to denounce Israel left, right and centre every time something happens in the middle east.