संता: गुरूजी, लम्बी उम्र के लिए क्या करूँ?

गुरूजी: बेटा, शादी कर लो.

संता: उससे क्या उम्र लम्बी होगी?

गुरूजी: नहीं, लम्बी लगने लगेगी!

Source: SMS

एक किसान अनाज की बोरियां लेकर बैलगाड़ी से जा रहा था…

संता ने रोक कर पूछा: क्या है?

किसान: साहब, गेहूँ.

संता: अबे तो हाथ मिला, मैं भी ‘gay’ हूँ!

Source: SMS

भिखारी: कुछ खाने को दे दो.

संता: टमाटर खाओ.

भिखारी: रोटी दे दो बाबा.

संता: टमाटर खाओ.

भिखारी: चलो, टमाटर ही दे दो.

संता की पत्नी: ये तोतला है, कह रहा है ‘कमाकर खाओ!’

Source: SMS

संता की माँ की तबियत खराब थी… जब उसे अस्पताल लेकर गए तो डॉक्टर ने कहा: “Test होंगे.”

संता बोला, “इनकी उम्र ज्यादा है… Test नहीं, One Day या 20-20 करवा लो!!!

Source: SMS

संता: डॉक्टर साहब, मेरी समस्या यह है कि मैं खुद को भगवान् समझता हूँ.

डॉक्टर: ऐसा कब से है?

संता: जब से मैंने यह दुनिया बनाई है!

Source: SMS

अध्यापिका (संता से): “मोहन दारू नहीं पीता है”, इस वाक्य मैं मोहन क्या है.

संता: मोहन राधा स्वामी है मैडम!!!

Source: SMS

Boss: I am giving you job as a driver. Starting salary – Rs.2000/-. Is it ok?

Santa: You are great sir! Starting salary is ok… but how much is Driving salary???

Source

Three convicts escaped from prison. One was a Madrasi, one a Gujarati, and one our dear Santa. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the Prison Warden and his assistant came into the barn. The warden told his assistant to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the warden asked him what he saw and the assistant yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”

The warden told him to find out what was in them, so the assistant kicked the first sack, which had the Madrasi in it. He went, “Bow-wow”, so the assistant told the warden there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the Gujarati in it. He went, “Meow”, so the assistant told the warden there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with Santa in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally Santa said, “Potatoes”.

Source

An Englishman, an American and Santa are called upon to test a lie detector.

The Englishman says: “I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer”.

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

“Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”. And the machine is silent.

The American says: “I think I can eat 15 hamburgers”.

BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.

“Allright, 8 hamburgers”. And the machine’s silent.

Santa says: “I think…”,

BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Source

One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw Santa in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly, “What are you doing ?”

Santa replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight for their next destination. On the next day, they again find Santa, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple curiously asked, “What are you doing here ?”

Santa once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.

The couple said, “But yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you’re in Delhi?”

Santa replied, “It is written here – “FILL IN CAPITALS”".

Source

Santa finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help.

He goes into the temple and begins to pray. “Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”.

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Santa goes back to the synagogue. “Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”.

Lotto night comes and Santa still has no luck!

Back to the temple… “My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and Santa is confronted by the voice of the God: “ABE, GIVE ME A BREAK, BUY A DAMN LOTTERY TICKET”!!!

Source

Banta: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Preeto: I clean the toilet.

Banta: How does that help?

Preeto: I use your toothbrush!!!

Source: SMS

Santa: Where were you born?

Banta: Punjab.

Santa: Which part?

Banta: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab yaar!

Source

Why did Santa cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what…

To avoid side effects!!!

Source

Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening, not in the morning?

Santa: Because Manmohan Singh is PM not AM!

Source

Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever -

What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever you order first, will come first.

Source

Salesman: पाजी, cockroach का powder लोगे क्या?

संता: नहीं, हम cockroach को इतना लाड प्यार नहीं करते… आज powder देंगे तो कल deodorant मांगेगा!

Source: SMS

संता के पास एक कौवा था…

वो बहुत मुलायम था…

तो उसने अपने कौवे का नाम क्या रखा होगा???

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->-> Mi-cro-soft

Source: SMS

मैं शादी नहीं करूंगा क्योंकि मैंने बहुत सी शादियां टूटते हुए देखी हैं और अपने बेटे को भी शादी नहीं करने के लिए बोलूंगा

Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi
To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya
Aur Niche Likha
“COMING SOON”

• Ladki : jaan mujhe aise purspose karo jaise aaj tak kisi ne na kiya ho.

Ladka: kamini I Love You, Mujhse shaddi karke mujhe barbaad kar de, kambakhat manhoos aurat.

• Diwali Aa Rahi Hai, Mei Apna Mann Sirf Puja, Archana, Aarti, Shradha, Bhawana Me Hi Lagana Chahta Hu Apke Pados Me Koi Rehti Ho To Batao

• 1 larki ki pent k back side pe jahaz bana tha. 1 bacha usy dekh raha tha. Larki: Kabhi jahaz nahi dekha. Bacha: Jahaz tu dekhay hain par aisa airport nahi dekha

larka : dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon…
teri bahon mein jhul jaoo…
teri anchal mein soo jaoo…
larki : Sale Bhosri ke to neechey kya mohaley wale ghusege.

A Girl visit Dr. for a urione test.
By mistake her reports change.
Dr says her. U r pregnent.
Girls reply. Oh God Ab tu ungali ka bhi Barosa nahi raha.

A group of mad people was to be shifted for further treatment in a bigger city. One of them was less mentally ill as compared to others but was a big fool.

When this group was boarded on the plane, the guy who was less mentally ill asked the pilot to let him in the cockpit.

The pilot said if you keep the others quite who were making hell lot of noise, he’ll let him in.
After a little while there was a pin drop silence. So the pilot asked the guy how did you make them quite.

He said, ” I opened the door and said the airport has come”.

Ek baar Laaloo Yadav, America mein english seekhnein chale gaye.
Kai dino baad Rabri Devi ne America phone milaya aur Bush se poocha, “Laaloo ji ko englis ayaa ke nahin”.
Bush replied, “nahin, unkaa englis nahin aawat”.

Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city (Maha Nagri)?

Ans: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.