I don’t know whether I’ve not watched much telly this week or I’ve just watched stuff that I don’t want to write about.  Either way, welcome to the most half-hearted edition of Stuff I Watched to date.

In The Loop: DVD (Watched 16th Dec)

The film version of The Thick of It is very much like a film version of The Thick of It.  It’s essentially just an extended episode with some of the characters slightly different, but this is certainly not a bad thing.  It’s very clever and brilliantly funny, just like the TV show.  Annoyingly, the DVD broke after about an hour so I don’t know how it ended.  Fingers crossed that it’s on the BBC soon.

Misfits: E4 (R 17th Dec W 19th Dec)

A cracking ended to what has turned out to be an excellent little series.  Annoying Nathan finally does something good (but stays annoying) and he dies for his troubles.  Sort of.

I’m glad to say that it’s got a second series.

Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe Review of 2009: BBC4 (R 22nd Dec W 22nd Dec)

If you like television and didn’t watch this, then you don’t like television.  And you’re probably dead.

Charlie Brooker is probably the closest thing I have to a hero.  It’s strange that one of the best programmes of the year is one that just talks about other programmes.  Absolutely awesome.  I could watch Screenwipe over and over again.  And I often do.

I realise that this is really brief, but it’s Christmas Eve and I’m very sleepy.  If you’d like to chat about any of the programmes, leave a comment and I’ll get back to you when I can face writing more than two sentences.

I figured I should do some sort of end-of-year review like everywhere else does, except I thought I should do it half-arsed and un-proofread so that it’d fit in with the house style of the blog.

Stuff that I have had discovered in 2009 that is really good and stuff

The Wire: I jumped aboard the bandwagon just before I started Just Like TV, watching all 60 hours in a matter of weeks, pretty much only pausing for sleep, food and defecation. It completes my Holy Trinity of Television: Six Feet Under – The Wire – Twin Peaks. It’s going to take something very special indeed to top this behemoth of a show.

Breaking Bad: Stunning first few episodes, consistently brilliant after that until the final few episodes of the second season where I felt it all went a bit Pete Tong (sorry, this is a review of 2009 isn’t it, not 1999. Is Pete Tong still alive?). Not that it was bad, it just wasn’t as good as it could have been. And the ending was terrible. I’ll still be watching Season 3 when it arrives.

Generation Kill: My mind just read that as ‘Generation Kilt’ and I went off into a daydream about a TV show following members of the Scottish army invading a Middle-Eastern country, using bagpipes and haggis-grenades as weapons and generally making more of a mess than a Glasgow Rangers away support committee at a UEFA Cup Final. I think that’s all you need to know about Generation Kill… a damn fine and funny programme that I’ll revisit at some point.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: My current obsession which I’m sure to bore everyone about for a few more weeks. I really thought that I’d squeezed sitcoms dry but somehow this one managed to slip through the net. Genius stuff.

The Thick of It: Not entirely sure how I missed this one, started watching from the start of this series but will need to go back and buy the DVDs. Malcolm Tucker is my hero.

Coach Trip: Fucking hell what a programme.

Stuff that’s still well good innit

Big Brother: This year was the best series yet. I’m still gutted it’s ending, there will forever be an eye-shaped hole in my heart when the final series draws to a close. Yes it’s stupid and moronic and rubbish but so am I and my mum still loves me, so therefore I love Big Brother. It’s my special needs child.

Neighbours: It’s pretty alarming that the three most talked about programmes on this blog are Big Brother, Neighbours and X-Factor. Did I say alarming? I meant reassuring. Reassuring that I haven’t lost my mind and caved in to the pressures of society by not watching trash on my telebox.

TV Burp: I have a love/hate relationship with TV Burp because it takes so much of Harry Hill’s time. It’s incredibly funny and always will be but I think Harry is at his best when he’s touring, something he hasn’t done since TV Burp really took off. I’d love to see him write another novel too but that doesn’t look like happening. And I miss Stouffer. Still, TV Burp is class and it’s the only consistently good Saturday night show left standing.

Peep Show: Mixed reviews from the interweb, some think it’s lost it, some think it’s as good as ever, and some, like me, are in-between. It’s not as good as it was at its peak but it’s still one of the finest things on TV and I still think they could justifiably commission another 3-4 series. Looking forward to Series 7 next year.

Countdown: I’ve never found Carol Vorderman sexy because she looks way too much like my mum, so the arrival of Rachel, her replacement, was very welcome. Jeff Stelling is somewhat stifled in the role but he’s still great.

Flight of the Conchords: The first series was a lot funnier but the second series was still streets ahead of most other comedies, with some truly classic episodes. I’m glad that Bret and Jemaine have announced this week that they’ll definitely not return for another series because there’s no way they could keep the standard up.

Stuff that’s went a bit off and smells a bit dodgy but you’ll still eat it because you’re hungry and the shops are shut and/or more than a two minute walk away

X-Factor: [shoutyvoiceoverman] THE ALL NEW 2009 X-FACTOR, NOW WITH SH***ER CONTESTANTS, A R*TARDED AUDITION PROCESS, CHEESY MIMED GROUP PERFORMANCES, LACKLUSTRE GUEST PERFORMANCES AND TWO NIGHTS OF YOUR WEEK BEING STOLEN BY THIS SH*T INSTEAD OF ONE. Still, at least we had Jedward.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks: We all knew it wouldn’t be the same without Simon Amstell. It’s still watchable, and occasionally still very good, depending on who the guest host is, but it’s still not the same. If they can’t find a new decent host (and I can’t really think of any) then the Beeb should probably put it down.

South Park: Season 13 is the worst since Season 4, I reckon. A few stand-out episodes towards the start of the series but the second half of the run was pretty poor, bar Cartman’s cover of ‘Poker Face’. Really hope it returns to form next year.

Derren Brown: Try harder, Derren.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross: When you have decent guests on your show (which is growing increasingly rare these days) don’t mess around playing stupid fucking mini-games with them, ask them fucking questions you floppy haired wanker.

Scrubs: Why introduce a load of new interns in Series 8 only to drop most of them in Series 9? Completely bizarre. The first three series of Scrubs were great, it’s been middling ever since there but the new series looks like it could be the first truly awful one. We’ll see.

Other good stuff that’s been on this year that I can’t really be bothered writing about

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle, Screenwipe, Newswipe, Gamewipe, Genius, Electric Dreams, Last Chance to See, Lead Balloon, Psychoville, Lead Balloon, You Have Been Watching.

Stuff that’s s*it and will always be sh*t

Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Jeremy Kyle (not even good in a ‘look at these tramps’ kind of way), Lost, FlashForward, Heroes, Children in Need, Doctor Who, My Family, Big Top, that Channel 5 piece of shit with Ian Wright, ITV in general, the Brit Awards, the Four P***s and their bloody piano, T4’s Nick Grimshaw, A Question of Sport, 5/6 acts on every Later With Jools Holland, Jamie Redknapp, I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, George Lamb, GMTV and Piers Morgan.

Stuff that should be on television next year

A decent breakfast-time alternative to the stuffy and dull BBC Breakfast and the scaremongering spazfest that is GMTV. It’s never going to happen, is it?

Some good Simpsons episodes. It’s never going to happen, is it?

The live execution of Catherine Tate. It’s never going to happen, is it?

A new series of Psychoville with a bigger budget. It’s never going to happen, is it?

Steph off Neighbours’ untimely death. It’s never going to happen, is it?

Me winning both Big Brother and X-Factor and being proclaimed King of the World. It’s going to happen.

Sadly as I’m now employed I don’t think the next year will have as many TV treats, discoveries and surprises in store for me but that’s life I guess.

2009: 1352 stars out of 2009 stars

Sad times, i just finished his book.

As you may or may not know, bbc4  A highly underrated channel in my opinion.
Has currently been producing a series of programs relating to the development of games,
& Charlie brooker has done a small show called Gameswipe.

Much like his other shows Screenwipe & Newswipe. Gameswipe follows the same format, of talking in detail about a subject while taking the piss. He does a pretty good job Talking about video games and making us laugh. Definitely worth a watch. Also try and check out Mr Brooker’s awesome books here

This is part one of six find the other parts by following the video back to YouTube

Leave it to puppets more terrifying than Chucky to help lost souls find Jesus. They should know, since it looks like each doll just rose straight from the pits of Hell.

I’ve gotta go take a cold shower.

~Katie Allyn

It always amazes me how the Western media seems to by-and-large ignore the rest of the world, so when I saw this on TV the other night I had to post it (unfortunately the *proper* version is only available in the States so this is the Youtube version, let me know if you see a better one). Its not only great satire, it is also a little portrait of the modern India, and a bit of a sneak preview of changing world politics. See what you reckon…

If you’re a regular reader (that would be two of you, and yes, you should both get out more), you’ll already know that I’m a big fan of Charlie Brooker’s work. He’s a bit too heavy-handed with the Athiest stuff for my liking (that’s why we have Dawkins), but the way in which he dissects the inherent nonsense of celebrity is unmatched. People will oft react with hostility to his scabrous attacks on dimwitted politicians, actors, musicians and presenters, but I contend that most of them are fair game. Further, he does it with so much childish glee and good spirit that they can’t really take it too seriously. An ego-bashing from Brooker is infinitely preferable to a sycophantic sucking up from, say, Chris Moyles – a man so talentless yet self-deluded that he can put down a pair of letters as his supposed profession (DJ) and feel that he has done an honest day’s work.

Brooker has spent years lambasting the good, the bad and the Moyles in shows like Screenwipe and Newswipe (and he also wrote Dead Set), but few people know that he is also an avid gamer. In his pomp,  he wrote for PC Zone and made juvenile prank calls to the likes of Eidos and Edge magazine.

Now he’s carried on the -wipe mantle to the world of videogames, and he’s done a mighty fine job. Between the jokes and scabrous attacks, this is actually a pretty factual, thoroughly researched documentary. And I completely agree with the review of Wolfenstein.

Be warned: some of the language is quite fruity.

The video is split into several chunks. Here’s the first:

OK, so I’m working on development. Normally this is something I do to fill time in between jobs, but right now I’ve got lots that I want to get done BEFORE I get a job. As if that’s likely in this economic climate. For the first time ever I reckon I’ve got  several films that I want to make simultaneously. And the weird thing is that are all things I can ACTUALLY DO! In other words they don’t depend on huge amounts of funding, international travel or impossible access. Although it would be good if someone would give me money for one of them. Kate Ansell, who is producing one of these (top secret for now) ideas sent me a cautionary link just so I didn’t get too excited…. (it’s very funny)

via the internet is terrible

The JUNIOR CHRISTIAN SCIENCE BIBLE LESSON SHOW is completely insane and that puppet’s ex wife seems like a real mess.  You should watch this whole clip because it just keeps getting better and better.

In what may possibly become a regular new feature, I’m going to take a look at some of the television shows that I’ve been watching in the last few days. Given that I struggle to keep up with all the shows that I record on Sky Plus, I also include the date that the programme was recorded, so you know which episode I’m talking about.

Life: ITV3 (Rec 23rd Sept -Watched 30th Sept)

In this episode, Reese is still not around and Charlie is being partnered by Bobby, who is not quite as attractive. I was somewhat baffled last week as to why she was being sidelined (see here), but now I’m assuming that Sarah Shahi was pregnant when these episodes were being filmed, as, in the few scenes she is in, she is always filmed from the chest up, or sat behind a desk. I should probably be a detective myself with that sort of deduction. Pregnant or not, she still looks amazing.

Demetri Martin: Person: E4 (R 23rd Sept – W 30th Sept)

This is a recording of a live show of the stand up comedian which E4 showed as a pre-cursor to his regular series, Important Things with Demetri Martin, which I’d already seen. I really struggled with this, and somehow, I just don’t think he works in front of a live audience, although I’m not entirely sure why it is that I think that. He somehow doesn’t seem like a performer, so it made me feel quite uncomfortable to watch and I gave up after 10 minutes. Curiously, for someone who loves stand up, I never seem to be able to watch recorded live shows from US comedians.

True Blood: FX (R 25th Sept – W 30th Sept)

This was the penultimate episode of season one, and, eleven episodes in, it remains a mystery. I still don’t know what the show is or what it is about. That said, this wasn’t a bad episode, and they finally move things forward with the whole serial killer sub-plot; sadly, this involved lots of Sookie and Sam doing boring stuff. The most interesting part of the programme is to do with the vampires, and annoyingly we only get about 30 seconds of this in the first 40 minutes and instead we get Jason and Amy (yawn). Finally, we get a scene with Bill and Jessica, the girl who he was forced to turn in to a vampire last week. This whole sequence was easily the best scene in the series so far, and provided a tantalising glimpse of what could have been. Before we know it though, we’re back to a boring Tara scene.

The episode was probably better than the last paragraph would lead you to believe, I just find the programme so frustrating. I really don’t know what to make of all the Sam and Sookie stuff, especially when Bill returned. It’s like they just did it all for a bit of soap opera style tension. And I was open-mouthed at the plot with Tara and the ’social worker’ – someone with such an obvious hidden agenda that the only way they can salvage any credibility is if they have a twist of her just being a really nice lady.

I completely missed the plot twist with the faxed photo at the end, until it was explained to me. I guess it shows how much I’ve been paying attention. I’ll try and do a season review once I’ve seen the last episode.

Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe: BBC4 (R 29th Sept – W 30th Sept)

This jumped its place in the queue just because it’s a new Charlie Brooker programme. I was really excited to watch this, even though I’m not in to gaming. If you’re a TV fan and you’ve never watched his series, Screenwipe, then you owe it to yourself to go hunt it down.

It’s probably about time that gaming got a bit of proper coverage on TV and there’s no one better to provide it than Mr Brooker. The bits explaining the different genres was perhaps a bit over-egged, but, because it’s CB, it was still incredibly entertaining and very funny. The segments with Dara O’Briain and Graham Linehan were also excellent and it is impressive to get such quality contributors. Although, it did prompt the question as to whether the Irish are particularly enamoured of video games.

Ink! Alter Egos Exposed: Sky Arts 1 (Rec 28th Sept – W 1st Oct)

I commented after watching the first episode of this and we’re now on episode 4, Social Relevance. I’m still not sure what I’m learning from this series or what new insights I’m gaining, but it’s nice to listen to comic book people talking about their work. But that comes from thirty years of being a comic book geek. I’d be very interested to know what non-comic book readers think of the series and if it changed any of their preconceptions.

Chuck: Virgin1 (R 29th Sept -W 1st Oct)

This episode was titled ‘Chuck vs the Predator’; sadly there were no alien hunters involved. After the excellent conclusion to last week’s episode, this was a slightly mixed bag. On the positive side, the Fulcrum/Orion plot moved forward, and continued on from last week’s revelations. We even had a glimpse behind the scenes at Fulcrum and finally got a feeling on how big a threat they are to national security. All this is helping to give the series a much needed focus. On the other hand, the stupid Buy More sub-plot was stupider than ever, and it seemed completely incongruous with the rest of the show. Oh well, swings and roundabouts I guess!

Design for Life: BBC2 (R 28th Sept -W 2nd Oct)

This is the kind of show that the BBC does really well; what could seem like a bit of cheap reality TV is actually completely fascinating. The idea behind the show is that 12 English design students compete to win a 6-month placement to work with Philippe Starck, in Paris. It’s a real coup to get Starck involved as he is perhaps the most famous product designer in the world, and, luckily for TV purposes, something of an oddball. It’s kind of like an esoteric, gallic version of The Apprentice.

In this, the third episode 3, the eight remaining students were given yet another incomprehensible challenge by hard taskmaster, Starck. As the students deliberately receive no guidance, it’s only on day 6 of 7 that they all realise that they had all misunderstood the brief. This led to lots of scenes of Starck looking simultaneously disappointed and bewildered. In the end, he wanted to send them all home but couldn’t because it would have meant ending the series; they all stayed. Compelling viewing.

Spiral: BBC4 (R 27th Sept – W 2nd Oct)

We’ll stay in France for the final programme of the post, and another another excellent episode of Spiral. I had previously questioned whether I’d be enjoying this as much if it was in English, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I definitely would. It’s just a bonus that because it has subtitles it’s the one show a week where I have to pay full attention.

It’s now episode 3 and all the plot threads are nicely weaving together. This season, so far, belongs to Joséphine Karlsson (Audrey Fleurot), the dodgy lawyer. We see her both acting unscrupulously and calculatingly with her clients, and also spiralling out of control in her personal life and dealings with the shady Mr Szabo. You just know it’s not going to end well.

Elsewhere, I feel compelled to petition Canal+ to create a spin-off Judge Roban series; he’s like a French Columbo.

From Charlie’s twitter:

charltonbrooker Gameswipe tonight! BBC4! 10pm! Partly aimed at ppl who don’t give a shit about games. Post-watershed games coverage = rare as tartan clouds.

Charlie Of Brooker

Charlie, our national treasure, is back on our screens! Hopefully he’s as ascerbic, arrogant and angry as he was on Screenwipe as I can’t cope with another ‘You Have Been Watching’ scenario. I’m sorry Charlie, I’m your biggest fan but that show was terrible. You spluttering over canned laughter was never a good idea, and they should kill the person that thought otherwise!

Plus I saw him in reveal magazine (or some such other rag) talking about x-factor.

Fingers crossed though, this will be Brooker back to his best!

BBC4 10pm

Kristian

Just in via Charlie Brooker’s twitter:

Gameswipe: COMPLETED… http://twitpic.com/hytdy

Actually can’t wait.

There’s not a lot left to say about You Have Been Watching that hasn’t already been said. If you haven’t seen it, it’s Charlie Brooker’s new quiz show on, you guessed it, television, and it’s essentially Screenwipe with added guests and silly quiz questions.

The guests have been okay so far, on the whole. I’ll never find anything that Frankie Boyle says funny, but Frank Skinner continued to prove that he’s massively underrated and Jamelia was a shiny, bouncy bundle of delight as ever. Grace Dent wasn’t as sharp as usual and Reece Shearsmith was disappointing and the rest of the guests so far have been a mixed bag.

The quiz questions, as on a lot of panel shows, are completely pointless and only serve to pad out the programme, which stands at a quite baffling 50 minutes long. Brooker is good as ever but looks slightly uncomfortable in his role as host, unsurprising really as the show does veer dangerously close to the side of television that he hates.

It’ll be interesting to see how the rest of the series pans out because so far it’s been fairly lukewarm, decent enough and provides laughs but it does seem like a drawn-out version of Screenwipe. However, the IRA vs Taliban part in the first episode has made the whole thing worthwhile so far.

Interesting to see that the Beeb have started a similar show in the past few weeks, As Seen On TV, although I’ll never watch it because it involves Steve Jones. And Jason Manford. And Fern Britton.

I am a massive fan of acerbic Guardian columnist and television reviewer Charlie Brooker. You may have also seen Mr. Brooker tearing apart television while telling you shit about it you would never have known on his Screenwipe show on BBC 4. The show was hilarious, informative and used the word cunt more than any other I could think of. Brooker also wrote the sublime horror mini series “Dead Set” which aired last Halloween week.

Brooker has now migrated to Channel Four with his panel quiz show “You Have Been Watching”. Its another of the panel quiz shows in which comedians and random celebrities sit about answering questions about rubbish telly (Think Never Mind the Buzzcocks but with television and shit guests they don’t make fun of). Thankfully Brooker has brought the small vignettes in which he “reviews” the show, they were the best part of Screenwipe and they still work here.

Charlie Brooker, the host of You Have Been Watching.

Brookers critical eye and sense of humour are still intact but the addition of guests to his style of comedy has diluted it a little bit. This is probably down to the standard of gues in question. Jamelia was present the first week and that mallet headed prick Frank Skinner the next. Both of them are black holes of comedy and they almost took the fledgling show of the rails. However Brooker is kept in the center for enough of the time for the show to still be funny most of the time and with a better caliber of guest the show could be a runaway success.

UPDATE: Having just watched tonights episode which included Frankie Boyle on its panel. The other two panelists faded into the background like phantoms but thankfully never cluttered the show with obnoxious rubbish like the panel in the previous two shows. With the funny panel and Brookers usual acidic commentary the program was the best its been, heres to it improving further in the future.

In any case its good to see that Brooker has been brought out of a graveyard slot on BBC 4 to prime time viewing on a mainstream station. You Have Been Watching airs Tuesdays at ten on Channel Four.

In other news people really fucking hate Peaches. Yesterdays video gained quite a few negative comments so I am now going to try make up for it with a video that actually moves with an excellent song behind it. Its E-Talking by Soulwax and its rather good. Its also fucking ancient, I’ll try to get more recent shit up here if I keeping posting these videos:

You know, one day I promise I’m going to comment on a show that I think is really, really good, but I just enjoy writing about things that could work, but for some reason they just don’t. And my programme of choice today is You Have Been Watching, Charlie Brooker’s panel game-cum chat show on the week in telly.

One obvious question arises. Do we need another Charlie Brooker show on the week in telly when we already have the brilliant Screenwipe? From this offering, the answer is pretty definitively no. One can only assume he was offered a pretty hefty sum in order to put his credibility on the line to this extent, especially when his entire stock-in-trade is poking holes in defective ideas and cynical celebrity vehicles.

The annoying thing is that I was really looking forward to this show. I was expecting an arts and media equivalent to Have I Got News For You? I haven’t hated a single one of Brooker’s creations so far, and have always admired his common-sense, pared-down approach to factual programming. So it’s particularly ironic that the greatest flaw of You Have Been Watching is that it is overstuffed with a series of not very coherent ideas. It makes me think of those videogames that should work in theory, but whose developers have gradually wedged in feature after feature until whatever the core gameplay was supposed to be has been totally lost in the wash.

Since Brooker already made a show where he talked about TV, you have to assume this is primarily supposed to be a panel game, except that much of the beginning is taken up by an extended chat about the major trend on tv of the week. And that the tasks are so vague and convoluted that they meander on for ages with no winner ever being apparent, and the competitive spirit between the contestants is about nil. Okay, I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue doesn’t keep score, but it is quite consciously a panel game about nothing, and its entire premise is to revel in the absurd. Yet it still manages to contain distinct rounds in which we know exactly what is required and the panellists have to do a little more than agree with whatever the host says in a wry tone of voice. The secret of good panel games is convincing us that its all in good fun and that it’s not really about the winner, while making sure that the contestants’ competitive juices are flowing enough that they will really, really try to be entertaining.

A second problem is the guests. In week one we were treated to comedian Rufus Hound, singer Jamelia and some other comedian. Week two welcomed comedian Frank Skinner, comedian Josie Long and TV critic Grace Dent. All perfectly amiable individuals, some genuinely funny, but you’ll already notice that, of that entire list, only one had any real claim to actual insight and knowledge on television. The other problem is that they are, as stated, all perfectly amiable individuals. Where are the sort of cynical, knowing commentators that Brooker gives over parts of Screenwipe too? These guests’ principal function seems to be to act as familiar faces that they can film laughing at Brooker’s banter.

But enough moaning. Without further ado, here is a list of things that I think could dramatically improve You Have Been Watching.

1. Narrow the format

If this is going to be a panel game, it needs to exclusively be a panel game, with rounds in which the panellists actually compete and in which one can noticeably better the other, and they will have to lose the long films of Brooker talking comically about what various programmes are about, regardless of how funny they may be. If it is going to be a chat show about telly, then it needs to get rid of all the ‘wacky’ tasks and focus on in-depth, witty discussion of the subject.

2. Widen the focus.

Make the show about all arts and media-related subjects. TV alone provides far too little to talk about – far too much that viewers are already overly familiar with, and far too much that they have no interest in – like the lengthy episode one section on Deadliest Warrior, which I doubt the vast majority of people have ever seen or intend to see. That could easily have acted as a brief and funny clip that paces out the show while the rest of the running-time can be equally weighted on film, online media etc.

3. Get some better guests.

Having a large group of people sitting around, liking each other and chatting does not make good, or funny TV. I am no fan of the sort of shoulder-clenching tension evident on Mock the Week, but having people on their guard can make for an interesting programme and forces them to fight back. By all means, have some celebrities and comedians on, but also get some people that may not be as familiar but actually have something to do with the creation of television (or film, or media). And challenge the guests. Talk about their specific role in the arts. As it is, we just have Brooker holding court and the rest of them talking slightly wryly about something they are mildly interested in.

4. Get rid of the set.

The set is enormous and hideous. There is way too much space and way too much going on around them and all it does is draw attention to the lack of energy in the participants. Get them to face the audience directly, keep the set more spartan, put people on the spot and they feel more pressure to come up with good material.

5. Shorten the running length.

Half an hour. Quickfire. Simple as. Once you narrow the format that should be easy enough. Panel games are damn hard to make work on commercial channels with advert breaks every 10-15 minutes, because after the break they have to work hard again to bring the energy levels back up, but extending thin content over 3 or 4 segments only makes that job harder.

6. Ditch the Brooker-vehicle concept.

Paul Merton: HIGNFY panellist and genius in residence

I love Charlie Brooker. Lots of people do. He is a very, very funny, clever man. But given that he is such a funny, clever man, as host he completely upstages everyone else they have on the show because they know that he is much funnier and cleverer than they are, and that he knows much more about telly. His little Screenwipe-esque spots are the most entertaining part of the whole thing. But all that that does is make us huff and sigh that we are having to listen to the other, less funny people on the show. Improving the calibre of guests could help, but so could changing the format so that the others have more clearly designated roles within the programme. One way to do this would be to go withthe ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ principle, stick more closely to the panel game format and make Brooker a team captain (since he is clearly far too nice to really dress down the guests) rather than host. There’s no reason why his star still couldn’t shine brightest. Paul Merton is quite patently the star of Have I Got News For You and gets the majority of the screen time because he consistently comes up with the funniest lines. Another way would be to find ways to encourage the other participants to take the initiative a little more – having them present their favourite tv (or arts, or media) moments of the week and lead into a discussion on that topic. That would also have the benefit of generating some genuine debate within the show, which always gets people’s comic muscles flexing.

As it is, I don’t expect I’ll be watching next week’s episode, but if they’re given a second series perhaps they’ll tighten the format. I hope so, because I still think it has promise.

Other (generally more complimentary) posts on You Have Been Watching:

TV Scoop review

Dan’s Media Digest

Suite101.com. A perfectly fine review but inexplicably describes Brooker as ‘paedophile walrus face’

Thoroughly Good Blog: Not too impressed with the show and makes some good points but, unlike me, sees it as a sign of Brooker going ‘mainstream’. I’ve heard this argument before but since he’s already the most popular critic and cultural commentator in the UK, it doesn’t quite ring true.

Last night I spent a sizeable chunk of my time watching Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe on Youtube. His rants about the media circus might not sit comfortably with some, but for me they’re about the only thing on television that is successfully screaming at people to pay just the slightest bit of attention to what is going on in this world. Anyway, on this particular effort Brooker turns his sharp eye to TV news, and in the space of half an hour reaffirmed my complete and utter lack of faith in the medium.

Now, as a student of journalism, very little annoys me more than 24 hour news. It’s conception brought about the death knell for strong, authoritive journalism, instead ushering in an age of throwing shit at a window and seeing what sticks. Except, the shit has been laced with scaremongering headlines plucked straight from the red tops, and the window is decorated with pictures of people dying, or crying, or getting shot or whatever visceral imagery is powerful enough to keep you, the viewer, from getting bored.

Take this recent bird flu pandemic. I’ve done my best to take everything every news outlet says about the H1N1 story with a lethal dose of sodium chloride. Why? Well, firstly because similar stories in the past (MMR, bird flu, bluetongue, humans catching mad cow disease) have only dissipated once news organisations realise that the next disease that’s going to kill us isn’t that bad, and secondly because I recently finished reading Ben Goldacre’s book Bad Science, and that taught me more about the world of scientific reporting than my £3,000 a year journalism course. But unfortunately, the rest of Britain doesn’t seem so intent on keeping a cool head about the situation, and the worst offenders are the news.

Annoyingly I’m not a doctor or a scientist, so I do not have the capability to find out, once and for all, if bird flu will eventually kill us all. The news however seems to have already decided that the end of the world may as well be tomorrow for all they care, (although I very much doubt they’ve asked a proper scientist) and just you try and stop them from making the whole nation quiver in it’s boots about the avian war on humans.

When did we let things get this bad? Well, I’d be happy to place a bet things started going like this the moment the people in charge of the news decided that the news had to be entertaining. Television lives and dies on its ratings (an utterly detestable method of running things, but let’s save that for another time) and somehow TV news has got caught up in all that kerfuffle, with suited executives demanding the most horrific breaking stories, the most shocking pictures, and the power to foresee the eventual collapse of Western civilisation just so that they can say to their bosses ‘Look Jim, I got there first. Am I worthy to lick your testicles now, dammit?’.

This prevalent attitude has therefore pushed out proper TV journalism. In Brooker’s dissemination of the rolling news he succinctly points out how often it all goes wrong, and it just begs the question – why does the news need to compete, not only with itself, but with the rest of the television schedule? Making the news entertaining is a dangerous game, completely at odds with what true journalism should be about. I don’t want the man in the TV to stand in front of a green screen heralding the end of the world, like some hi-tech drug-addled London street preacher. I want the journalists in television to tell me the facts, to research and analyse every single claim and utterance, and then simply tell it like it is.

Sure, it might take a bit more time and mean that the producers are no longer allowed to press the big red ‘BREAKING NEWS’ button, but people might just begin to trust the news more if they actually know what they’re talking about. Then again, maybe most of the population these days needs to see other people suffering to fulfill their lives – supply and demand, I suppose.

In what seems a perverse echo of last year’s landslide victory in the U.S, the recent local and European elections have seen a dramatic swish to the right, with the Conservative Party poised for a good length of incumbency. The recession is only just sharpening its cutlery while Kim Jong Il fondles his dashboard like a horny Clarkson. Don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely to be able to lie here and type this with naught but a sliver of nebulous social guilt impeding my good-time locus, but all in all things are looking a mite grim, aren’t they? Well, that may very well be true, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of a titter now and then.

Eh? Can’t we? Eh?

So, seeing as though it’s the solstice, and I love you lot, here is a rundown of some of the finest comedy of the year so far, in no particular order:

The Old Guys

Unfairly overlooked sit-com about a pair of retirement-age heterosexual men (Clive Swift and Roger Lloyd-Pack) sharing a house together, getting up to antics and seeking to impress the lady across the street (Jane Asher). What rescued the concept from the Sunday schedule drizzle were the warm welcome hands of Bain and Armstrong, the writing duo behind Peep Show (and Hyperdrive, but I’ll let that one go) amongst other things, who gave the show a sense of space and spontaneity. There was a nice chemistry between the actors and, for too short a time, it was probably the most entertaining comedy on terrestrial telly. It was also the most successful of the slightly self-conscious ‘trad-coms’ that popped up in recent years, such as ‘Lab Rats’ and ‘The I.T Crowd’, as there seemed less of a deliberate agenda about the format.

If there was one major problem with ‘The Old Guys’, it’s that in order to adhere to some kind of unwritten sitcom guidebook they were working off, the gently amusing banter between the titular characters would be forced to culminate in some kind of generic farce/snapshot of embarrassment at the end of every episode. This would be more effective if the stories were tightly plotted, but it wasn’t really the nature of the show. It was just good, clean fun to watch with the family, despite the last episode in the series involving the sharing of a prostitute.

Delocated

I’ve mentioned this show in an earlier entry, but it certainly bears another mention if talking about this year’s comedy highlights. Jon Glaser plays ‘Jon’, a balaclava-wearing, pitched-down fool of a man, who makes himself and his family the subject of a reality show whilst still in the Witness Protection Program. It’s a simple-enough premise, which leads to many ‘Mr Show’-like convolutions along the way, including his would-be assassin (played by the great Eugene Mirman) getting a reality show of his own.

‘Delocated’ is yet another jewel in the crown of Adult Swim, a channel almost Pixarish in its ability to constantly bring out interesting comedy. This time, rather than surreal animation or non-sequiturs, it’s a fairly straight story of an idiot who doesn’t realise he’s an idiot.

There are signs near the middle of the season that perhaps ideas are beginning to flounder (Episode 4 features a ceramic hand that ‘Jon’ develops an unhealthy dependence on) and certain aspects even strain the credibility of even a world in which an assassin has his own reality show (such as ‘Jon’s poor girlfriend having the patience of a saint). It did, however, pull back with a terrific last couple of episodes that tapped ever deeper into the unique strain of lunacy on display.

That Mitchell & Webb Look, Series 3

After a relatively disappointing second series, the first couple of these new shows have been not so much a return to form, but the peak of their television sketch work to date. It’s still capable of being hit-and-miss (as one of their sketches makes light of) like all of the great sketch shows, but amongst the gags are some genuinely inventive mind-candy ideas that are just as tickling as any full-blown guffaw.

Xavier: Renegade Angel, Season 2

Xavier is a completely deluded, pseudo-shamanistic, multi-nippled vagrant, travelling across a bleak desert landscape before embroiling himself in the concerns of more cynical types, generally making a complete nuisance of himself in the process, before the logically anomalous twists the plot takes help drive the universe into total entropy by the end of every episode.

The second season of this massively divisive show finally appeared on screens this February, after over a year-long gap since its debut. Utilising rudimentary CG, grotesque psychedelia with a string of next-gen puns and wordplays, Xavier is not going to be to everyone’s tastes. Once you get past whatever issues you may have with the unnerving tone or lapses into repellant imagery, you’ll be faced with one of the most original, gag-packed shows in comedy history.

The Other Side

After last year’s relatively disappointing ‘The Peter Serafinowicz Show’ (and the Christmas special that generally created more new problems than it fixed), the creative team behind Look Around You are apparently busy working on a programme for Adult Swim based around Tarvu, a fictitious religion of theirs. Before that though, they found the time to write and record a one-off internet-only pilot, seemingly for the sheer hell of it.

‘The Other Side’ is a weekly topical magazine-show style shortwave broadcast from the afterlife, detailing the various events and news regarding the deceased, for the benefit of the living. Of course, this is used more as a device for Look Around You-style retro-istic alternative reality jokes, with Shakespeare writing stories about time-travelling pop bands and Peter Ustinov raising hell in a fast food joint. There is also an impeccable attention to detail on the production side of things, invoking the bland segues of local radio with the desolate fidelity of shortwave, with disembodied voices gently invading the frequency in the background. The finest bit of work they’ve done so far.

Newswipe

Charlie Brooker’s TV critique show ‘Screenwipe’ got a news-based spin-off this year, which surprisingly proved to be a more successful use of the format. Part of the flaws with ‘Screenwipe’, and to an extent Brooker’s shtick in general, lie chiefly in attributing too much pontification on popular shows at the expense of something more obscure and interesting (e.g. devoting a whole section to excoriating Britannia High when TV Burp achieve more with just one gag), occasional reliance on scatological humour and visualizing jokes better left to the imagination. ‘Newswipe’ at least improves upon the former, with screen time devoted to the ‘Credit Crunch’ or the legacy of Jade Goody providing more relevance and catharsis than the same amount spent on delineating Big Brother contestants. The result is a good show getting better, providing entertaining wit with a genuine satirical punch currently lacking elsewhere

Tim Key’s rubbish, though.

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle

It had been a long time coming, but Stewart Lee’s return to television was comparatively remarkable in its lack of compromise. It was far from perfect, particularly in its attempts to punctuate routines via sketches, but it’s still the finest TV rendition of a stand-up experience in years. It’s also an excuse to further showcase the talents of Kevin Eldon and Paul Putner who, needless to say and regardless of their pedigree, really should be in more stuff.

Harry Hill’s TV Burp

It seems that it has only been relatively recently that ITV have realised this is perhaps the best show they have broadcast in over a decade, shining in a Deadly Desert of crap, and given him a decent slot on a Saturday night. Now on its 8th series, the show still hasn’t shown any signs of waning, if anything becoming more comfortable with its own identity. Rather than simply using clips as a springboard to sketches, recurring gags have become more sophisticated, with features getting dropped and returned when necessary (the only mainstay being the “FIGHT!” skit before the break which, while not generally that funny, has earned it’s place through familiarity).

TV Burp is the last remaining notion of Light Entertainment being home to the funniest people ever.

Hans Teeuwen

Technically this was recorded last year, but I only got round to seeing it a few months ago and I doubt that a lot of people reading this would have heard of him yet. Hans Teeuwen is one of the most impressive acts I’ve seen, capable of tapping into pure whimsy without a trace of cynicism or laziness. It was an absolute pleasure to see an entire audience, including myself, consumed by pure, giddy nonsense. The DVD of his English set should be available in August, though witnessing him live is far more effective.

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Those of you who know Charlie Brooker’s work on Screenwipe and Newswipe might be interested to learn that he’s asking a gaming question on twitter that mentions an email address of Gameswipe. Colour me excited. Another ‘I’ll be watching’!

Worst videogame bosses ever? Email yr suggestions to gameswipe at zeppotron dot com. Make what you will of that email address.

Newswipe is a tv-program appearing on BBC4. In it Charlie Brooker takes a critical and sarcastic look at the news, looking especially at how entertaining the news appears nowdays. The fifth episode, nicely found through Youtube, is a sort of best-of compilation and a good way to get into the program. The episodes come in three parts:

In part one of the episode Brooker looks at how the public forms a big part of newscoverage. Features a couple of guys who go within 50-meters of an oil-plant on fire and pictures on snow that people sent to BBC.

Part 2 has my favorite part of the series dealing with American news-reporters, especially Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly. Pretty scary footage. Also the death of Jade Goody, a British reality tv-star who got cancer, which was widely talked about in the tabloids and tv.

Finally in the last part there’s more on Jade Goody and a look at  a shootout in Germany where a school kid killed 16 fellow students. Especially interesting is what a forensic psychologist has to say on how shooters like him are portrayed in the news.

If you got interested a quick search on Youtube will give you the rest of the Newswipe episodes as well as Brooker’s Screenwipe, which looks at tv on a wider scale.

What I most like about Brooker is the very sarcastic and dark humor. He also doesn’t take himself too seriously. On one episode of Screenwipe he took part in a children’s program as one of the hosts and ended up getting four cream cakes on his head.  An ironic reading makes even the worst crap on TV enjoyable.

It’s been a while, but I am still blessed with life, at least enough to continue this excellent adventure into the blogosphere. Yes, I am back and, it seems, riding in on a wave of pretentious and unnecessary verbal nausea. Ahh well.

Easter was lovely, and provided some much needed rest time. Now, though, things are back to the hive of activity that is University life, although if the weather stays as glorious as it has been for the last two days here on the banks of the Cam, I will never complain again.

Newswipe, the spin off from Screenwipe, hosted by the ever brilliant Charlie Brooker, continues to be very enjoyable or, at least, I will say that I like to watch it. Often, however, the subject matter is so depressing that I feel that I will never watch T.V. news again, becoming some sort of conscientious objector. It seems that, despite the fact I had always disliked certain aspects of the news, I was nevertheless compelled to watch it, no doubt partly because of memories of stern schoolmasters badgering me to do so, but also because I thought that it wasn’t enough to merely read such stories of global significance online. Now, though, with some independent observer confirming my cynical beliefs and ramming damning evidence upon such an unholy union of celebrity and current affairs, I feel purged of my temptation. Strictly BBC news website from now on, whilst still avoiding that most odious abode of the ignorant, Have Your Say. We shall not go there.

That said, you too should indulge in some Charlie Brooker, if you don’t mind having to catch up You’re Fired on iPlayer. It’s on Wednesday night, 10.30pm on BBC4.

I have not yet, however, managed to catch up the Apprentice, and this evening’s episode will make it three weeks that I have not yet seen. Fear not, friends, for this will be rectified. It will not be long.

Something I did come across, not that I am sure how, is Bizarre ER, a BBC3 show bringing us the lighter side of Accident and Emergency. Some inner masochist inside of me read the list of bizarre complaints and felt a desire to see them in the flesh. The show holds no punches, and does indeed show everything. I still thought it was rather tame until the last segment, however, where a man recounts a terrifying car crash he experienced, the result of which he was impaled by a huge chunk of wood straight through one of his buttocks. Words can’t really describe the image of this that someone had thought to capture, suffice to say it made me squirm.

On the music front, I have been listening to The Hazards of Love for a while now, and my opinion is that it is an enjoyable album, though that it perhaps lacks the catchy tunes of its predecessors. The Wanting Comes in Waves is a definite highlight, though, and when played through as one long rock opera it works. My sister prefers it to the more folk-y sounding nature we might expect from the Decemberists, though I think that we will hear that sound a lot more in their future work: this was a diversion, not a change of course.

Bizarrely enough, I have also caught myself listening to this, over the last few days, prompted by an idle jaunt around Youtube that lead me to this. Perhaps the less said about this, the better, although it is interesting to note that Wikipedia says that the artist and I share a birthday. Is this a vision of a future taste. I think not, fortunately.

It’s an interesting point, though, and one I’ve often thought about: what will I like in the future? Will I fall foul of the mind numbing of age, falling back onto some stereotype of a middle aged man? Or will I retain some sort of childish adolescence throughout life? While I give permission to all to shoot my future self, should he, say, start sympathising with the Daily Mail, I think that the fact that I spent a good part of this holiday playing Pokemon Diamond and even spent some of it perfecting my impressions of the original and hallowed seven score and ten, might suggest that some part of the maturity train has long since passed on by. The game remains as good as it ever was, and I will be buying the latest version when it falls this May.

I also had the chance to play, and complete, Professor Layton and the Curious Village. This was most enjoyable, and so lovingly crafted that I cannot wait to pick up the next one. The basic gameplay is puzzle solving, either to appease members of the eponymous village, or to open doors, find clues, and generally progress the story. The puzzles are varied and actually pretty challenging. I also loved the outrageous storyline, including an attempted murder of the fantastic Professor and his trusty apprentice by Ferris wheel! This must be seen to be enjoyed.

That’s probably all for now. I must just mention that Clement Freud died last week. This made me rather sad, as it was his wit and charm that where the only things I really enjoyed about Just a Minute. The ever frustrating, annoying and pompous host seems to cancel out all other rays of brilliance, even the talented Paul Merton. He will be missed.

(Sorry, Aprilscherze werden hier nicht vorkommen, weil ich nicht der riesige Fan davon bin, obwohl ich mir einen beim Radio erlaubt habe, aber keiner hat reagiert, also ging der wohl eher auf meine Kosten, immerhin hab ich da Arbeit investiert und kein Schwein hat es zu schätzen gewusst…huch, falscher Blog für solche Töne, also, weiter gehts)

CHARLIE BROOKER!!!!

Na gut, ich hab ihn eigentlich vorgestern entdeckt, als ich auf youtube die neuste Ausgabe von Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle gesucht habe (ich würds ja im TV gucken, aber das läuft in GB und wird wahrscheinlich niemals in Deutschland laufen) und über ihn gestolpert bin, weil er – ehrlich gesagt – auf den kleinen youtube Vorschauen ein bisschen Ähnlichkeit mit Mr Lee hat.
Naja, er war es nicht, aber Zufall ist ja manchmal ein Schatz und so kam ich alsbald in den Genuß von Screenwipe, eine Art von Fleischmann TV mit Unterricht in medialer Kompetenz. Screenwipe ist im Grunde Charlie Brooker, der in seinem Wohnzimmer vor der Glotze sitzt und sarkastische Kommentare in Richtung des britischen TV wirft, oft auch mit pantomimischen Masturbationsgags, die aber (fast) immer berechtigt sind. Dazu kommen interessante und gut beobachtete Übersichten über den Ablauf von TV, wie eine Sedung zustande kommt, wie die Kosten von 25 Minuten entstehen, wie richtiges Editing Tatsachen manipulieren kann und wie beispielsweise Castingshows funktionieren. Das Alles ist so amüsant und lehrreich zugleich, dass man sich fragt, ob das vielleicht die erwachsene Antwort auf die Sesamtstrasse ist, mit vielen pantomimischen Masturbationsgags, um den Mangel von Puppen auszugleichen.

Das Tollste – Charlie Brooker gibt auch Alternativen. Anstatt einfach nur zu sagen, was alles Dreck ist, gibt er jede Sendung Beispiele für gelungene Formate, lässt befreundete Prominente über ihre Lieblingssendungen reden und ist selbstkritisch genug, auch seine eigenen Aussagen aufs Korn zu nehmen.
Bislang gibt es diesen Spaß leider noch nicht auf DVD, aber auf youtube kann man sich nicht nur Screenwipe, sondern auch seine neues Format Newswipe ansehen (genauso brilliant und nicht zwangsweise für Leute, die jeden Morgen 14 Tageszeitungen lesen), ausserdem gibt es einige Bücher von dem jungen Mann, der quasi die schriftliche Form dieser Sendungen wöchentlich im Guardian als Kolumne abdrucken lässt.

www.guardian.co.uk/profile/charliebrooker