According to the most recent census data, over 18% of 5 to 17-year-olds in America speak a language other than English at home (mostly Spanish). Of these young people, at least a third can be classified as Limited English Proficient (LEP). Many of these children are living in impoverished households in linguistically isolated communities in major urban centers.

The Equal Educational Opportunities Act of 1974 promises all American children that

“No state shall deny equal educational opportunities to an individual on account of his or her race, color, sex, or national origin, by the failure by an educational agency to take appropriate action to overcome language barriers that impede equal participation by students in its instructional programs.”

The million dollar question: What constitutes appropriate action? What do LEP students need to achieve native-like proficiency in English and perform at grade level in all other academic subjects? It is a complex question, but one that has answers if policy-makers are willing to follow the recommendations of researchers in SLA, multilingualism, and cognitive development.

Eugene Garcia (2002) has written a comprehensive and persuasive summary of America’s educational crisis and the literature on bilingualism that points a direction for designing curricula that meet the needs of our LEP students. The studies she reviews justify the following conclusions about bilinguals and bilingual education:

1. The goal for LEP students should be the acquisition of “academic English” which allows them to participate fully in English-language academic and professional environments. Vernacular English is not enough.
2. The native language need not be sacrificed in order to achieve this proficiency. Additive bilingualism is possible, and it should be the goal of instruction.
3. Bilingualism/multilingualism does not harm the cognitive development of children. Indeed, some studies have suggested that it improves cognitive functioning, especially in the area of metacognitive awareness.
4. Long-term native language instruction alongside English instruction is necessary for LEP students to ensure that they remain at grade level in all academic subjects as they master English. It is unreasonable to expect LEP students to thrive in English immersion, and equally unreasonable to expect them to join all-English classes after a year of ESL instruction.
5. Even very young children will require several years to learn English as a second language. Older learners will not necessarily require more time, as they generally are more adept learners. It is important for both age groups that the curriculum be challenging.
6. Reading should be taught in the native language. Reading skills have been shown to transfer well from L1 to L2. Ultimate reading proficiency in English improves when students learn to read in their native language.
7. The negative perceptions of LEP individuals in mainstream American society harm education efforts. Social distance between L2 learners and the L2 community hinders acquisition. Bilingual programs must attempt to resolve this problem by addressing stereotypes, validating LEP students languages and cultures, and encouraging the creation of a strong, inclusive, shared identity among all students.

In addition, Garcia outlines areas for future research:

1. What methods of instruction are most successful in helping learners achieve the goal of proficiency in “academic” English?
2. What are the processes/mechanisms that facilitate additive bilingualism?
3. What is the specific cognitive/academic effect of multilingualism and SLA on the individual?
4. What is amount of native language instruction most positively influences academic outcomes in English? This question is directly related to planning bilingual programs that result in success in both English and all other academic subjects.
5. What are the special needs of younger and older LEP learners?
6. What is the connection between overall literacy in the native language and overall literacy in the target language?
7. What is the link between identity, self-concept, and academic performance?

In future posts I hope to discuss in more detail some of the work that has already been done treating the cognitive effects of SLA and the necessary conditions for additive bilingualism.

Garcia’s article:

Garcia, E. E., (2002). Bilingualism and schooling in the United States. International Journal of the Sociology of Language. Volume 2002, Issue 155-156, Pages 1–92.

Yesterday, I took MiL for a hearing test.  She’s been loosing her hearing steadily for a while, and it finally affected her so much that she decided to see if there was something she could do.  As we were checking out, we were behind another older woman/younger (ie, middle age) woman couple checking out.  As obvious as it is that MiL and I are somehow related, it was that obvious about the other two ladies.

We all ended up in the elevator together, and while we were in there, the younger woman complimented MiL and me on our hair.  MiL’s hair is a strawberry blond, mine is an auburn.  I said thank you, MiL just smiled.  By that time the elevator had deposited us on the main floors and we all went our way.  Once we were in the car, MiL started fussing about the younger woman.

See, the younger woman had a buzz cut.  MiL was going on and on about how that woman was probably homosexual and couldn’t she see that we didn’t want any compliments from homosexuals.  I was floored.  What?  She got all that because the woman chose to shave her hair?  Right.

I’ve not been writing in this blog for a while.  I’ve been busy with other things, and learning how to juggle everything I’m doing.  One of the things I’ve been doing is Tai Chi.  The dojo I go to has increased group classes, giving me an extra day to be gone (from two hours of group classes to three), my husband has started taking Kenpo, so I’m often gone with him to his Kenpo classes, and I’ve started taking double private lessons as well.  So, at the dojo, this is working out to 4 hours of classes.  Of course, there’s time spent at home practicing the forms I learned in class as well.

In the last couple of months, I’ve had a handful of posts.  So imagine my surprise when I signed in yesterday and found a bunch of hits for this post I wrote last year, after I’d first started writing.  Of course, with the views, came the trolls. 

You know, trolls are remarkably unimaginative.  They think they are being all funny and new, and they are saying the exact same thing hundreds of other trolls have said (and who’s comments get deleted).  I mean, really, does anybody really think, for one minute, that I’m going to believe that Alton Brown commented on my post (over a year after I posted it) to be a concern troll?  Really?  Yeah, I’m not even a blip on his radar.

But see, here’s where the beginning of this post intersects with the rest of this post.  People read a post, maybe two, and see I am unashamedly fat, and think they know everything about me from that.  They tell me how I’m sweating to type up a post (because you know, all the exercise I’m getting by just typing, my word! it’s such an effort), how terrible my health is, how I’m being such a drain on my family and friends, not to mention the whole world with all the resources I must use up (because, you know, I’m FAT therefor I eat more and am so sick all the time I need to be at the doctor more often and and and and…).

Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’ve been to see the doctor exactly four times this year.  One was an annual well woman visit, once to be diagnosed with allergies (really, at 42 I develop allergies?  OY), and two time for other things.  Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I’ve been going to a regular exercise program since the beginning of July, working out at least 7 hours a week (between classes, private instruction, and at home practice).  Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know a whole bunch about me (like I love reading, I am artistic by nature, I am a care-giver for my elderly MiL and provide 90% of her care in a week, that I’m pretty flexible, that I love purple … okay, with as much purple clothing as I wear, you might get that one).

Much like the woman who complimented MiL and me on our hair yesterday, if you jump to conclusions about me because of your close-mindedness, well, your the only one that looses.  After all, MiL couldn’t accept the compliment a very nice woman gave both of us about our hair.  She kept going on and on about how dare that (she assumes) lesbian make any comment on her appearance.  Me?  I had a nice, warm feeling that somebody liked how my hair looks, especially since all I did yesterday was put it up in a pony tail!

Books and covers.  People know the saying about them.  When will they ever learn?

In search of happiness, Jean Faugier. Nursing Standard. Harrow-on-the-Hill: May 2-May 8, 2007. Vol. 21, Iss. 34; p. 22 (2 pages)

Abstract:

‘The greatest happiness is to know the source of unhappiness’, according to Dostoevsky. In many ways, that simple truth lies at the heart of psychotherapy.

The stuff of psychotherapy can seem obvious: we look at our friends, family and colleagues who are in psychological pain and crisis and wonder why they cannot see what they need to change.

People start psychotherapy because they are lost or stuck and experiencing thoughts, feelings, perceptions and behaviours that repeatedly cause pain and unhappiness. Clients often talk about having lost track of something in themselves. They are aware in a profound way that they are unhappy, but have been unable to change the feelings and behaviours that cause their unhappiness.

The aim of psychotherapy is not to tell the patient what to do about these patterns, but to help them to reach their own answers.

Thus psychotherapy is not coaching or counselling; neither is it advice nor unconditional positive regard. Rather, psychotherapy is likened to an art. You could make analogies with a teacher constantly trying to nurture the unconscious talent of apt pupils. If handled well, the pupils will ultimately discover their own internal meanings and paint their own pictures. However, this is not a passive or painless process.

Lancashire Care staff can request the full-text of this paper, email: susan.jennings@lancashirecare.nhs.uk

Everyone Has a Story….Don’t They?

Have you ever asked someone to tell you about themselves and in return they stare at you blankly?  What about the websites for which we all sign up that ask “describe yourself”?  Do you stare at the screen with a bemused look on your face torn between wanting to say, “I’m the best……”, or the more modest, “I’m a simple woman….”

Let’s do an exercise.  Tell me the first thing that comes to mind….seriously…talk to the computer:  Use three words to describe yourself?  Did you choose words about work? “I’m an accountant, hardworking, prompt”, was it more homey,  “I’m a wife, mother, homemaker” or very personal, “handsome, smart and funny”? Self-concept, self-identity, self-consciousness….we all have an impression of ourselves, but that is different from our personal stories.

What’s the point? How do we know where we’re going or what we want to do, if we don’t have a firm grasp on who we are?  Sometimes that means facing parts of our personality we don’t like, but yet exists.  Selfish, self-centered, cruel, sarcastic, fearful, we have to admit the bad ones too, you know.  You may be an SOB and be pretty jovial about it, I don’t know.

So, what’s your story? How did where you grew up influence who you are now?  What choices did you make in college astronomy class that forever changed your present? Who did you narc on at work last week to score points with the boss?  It all matters in who you are.  We can’t change our stories, but we can write new chapters.  Who do you want to be?  Spouse, parent, better friend, boss, improved bowler, it doesn’t matter what your aspirations are, as long as you have a few.  What are you going to do to achieve these newfound goals?

I am not immune from all this.  I have spent the last few years taking care of other people.  In that time, I just didn’t care about how I looked.  Now, how you look may not be horribly important, however, it does play a large part in your self-esteem.  About 3 weeks ago, I looked in the mirror and it was as if I hadn’t seen myself in years.  I just stared at my image thinking, “is that all me?”.  So for the first time in I don’t know how long, I got up in the morning, got a cup of coffee, and went for a brisk walk.  Since then I’ve been energized to make a change and have lost around 15 lbs. Many more to go, but a good start.

What are you energized to do?  New you? New career? New love interest? It’s time to write the next episode of your life.  Remember, it’s always written in permanent marker, you can’t undo what you’ve done, but you can make the next chapter better, more extraordinary.  What’s tomorrow going to mean to you?

One last thought.  I have a good friend who often tells the story called “The Dash”.  You may know it.  On your tombstone there is the date of your birth and the date of your death.  In between there is a dash, and it is only that dash that truly matters because that is your life.  What you did, whom you loved, who loved you, etc.

When my Dad passed away two years ago the Pastor that eulogized him unbeknownst to me used the story of the dash to describe what a wonderful life Dad had lived and how many people he had affected for the positive.  The proof of that was all over the room;  four generations of family that loved him, old college pals, high school classmates from 1949, and most telling, people who had populated his first fourth grade class as a teacher in 1954.

Will you and I be lucky or blessed enough to claim that kind of affection?  In the end that’s up to us.  I ask again, what’s your story and what new page will you write tomorrow?

Post Script:  As always there are many great websites for help in making changes in your life.  Here are a few: (No, I don’t work for any of them)

• Mike Rowe’s website – www.mikeroweworks.com - fabulous site if you’re thinking about a career adjustment. Resources, help, discussion and articles.
• About.com – http://tiny.cc/xTivh A comprehensive list of resources on everything from anger management to self-esteem.
• Stress Info – http://www.stressinfo.net/ Great input on managing life’s stresses.
• Pastor Joel Osteen – http://www.joelosteen.com Best selling author and pastor of the Lakewood Church.

We all live, more or less consistently, in line with how we conceive ourselves. That is, we live out what or who we think we are. Although we will seek to grow and develop, mature and improve, the way we think about ourselves at the core of our being, the way we imagine ourselves in those quiet personal moments of reflection, will powerfully shape how we live.

If we believe that we are unloved and unloveable, that will impact all our relationships with others. If we have embraced the view that, in a most basic sense, we are fatally flawed and broken, we will live up (or, perhaps, better “live down”) to that image.

So, how we think about ourselves–and whether the view we have of ourselves is true–is vitally important to living well.

These thoughts were stirred as I was glancing at the opening verses of Paul’s letter to the believing community in Rome. This is the “great apostle Paul” who is writing. This is the man who has been part of changing the face of the Roman world of his day. He has planted churches throughout most of the known world of the time. He has seen countless numbers healed and delivered; God has worked amazing miracles at his hands. And he is writing to believers in the city of Rome, hoping to come and see them.

As was common practice in that day, letters began with an identification of the writer. And so Paul pens these words:

Paul, a bond-servant of Christ Jesus, called [as] an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God (Romans 1:1).

Paul says three things about himself. In this opening line, he betrays a good bit about how he thinks about himself.

He is a bond-servant of Christ Jesus. He is a slave; that is what the word means. He belongs to another; he is not his own man. He lives to do the bidding of another. Paul sees himself as anything but independent, living his own life his way.

Paul is (literally) a “called apostle.” (The brackets in the quote above are this particular translation’s way of indicating that the translators inserted the word an to help make the English a bit more readable.) Let’s unpack this short phrase.

It is not that Paul is called to be an apostle; not that he is growing up to become that. And the “calling” idea is rich and deep for Paul. It carries a divine mandate kind of sense–that is the way that Paul uses the “called” idea throughout this letter. “Apostle” is less formal title and more descriptor. The word “apostle” means commissioned and sent delegate; you might think “ambassador.” So Paul is saying that he is on assignment, doing what he is doing because God has sent him to do what he does.

And then Paul says that he is “set apart for the Gospel of God.” This language of “set apart” speaks of something defined by boundaries, marked out by specific limits. And the limits, these boundaries, for Paul are defined by the Gospel.

So, how might we capture the essence of what Paul is saying in more contemporary language to make sure we don’t reduce his thoughts to cliche? Perhaps we might say something like:

I am Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus to whom I belong and at whose beck and call I stand ready to serve, a delegated and sent representative on assignment, one whose life is defined by the good news of what God has done in and through Jesus Christ.

Now I know that neither you nor I have the identical call on our lives that Paul did; that’s not only true, but it’s OK. But just how do you think about yourself? How might Paul’s thinking about himself encourage a bit more proper self-conception in us?

Do I see myself as wholly given over to another? Do I rightly grasp that I am not my own person? That, having been bought with the blood of the Son, I now belong, as servant, to him?

Do I see myself, in whatever I am doing, on assignment from the throne of heaven? Do I rightly recognize that what I do is, in the deepest sense, what I am given to do by God? Do I think of how I spend my days and hours and minutes as a stewardship granted in the service of the rightful King and as a representative of the only true Kingdom?

Do I understand that the only proper defining lines for how I live and the way I carry out this serving ambassadorship is the good news that comes to me through Jesus? Does the reality of the Gospel shape my relationships, my work ethic, my family living, my worship, my free time, my finances? Am I defined by the Gospel?

My specific call is different than Paul’s. But the contours of thinking, the way Paul grasped who he thought he was, provides healthful and holy ways to understand just who I am.

And understanding that is essential to living well.

First of all…I don’t care how offensive my reader’s may feel the picture is, it represents how I feel tonight. All of my life I have struggled with my weight. The summer before my senior year in high school, I began eating carrots and celery every day and shed pounds quickly. In my twenties I began running, up to five miles a day while lifting weights several days a week. After one relationship ended, a friend commented to me that he worried I had transferred my substance addiction for eating correctly and working out…to the extreme. In my last relationship, much of our social life centered around eating out, eating in, eating, eating, eating. We loved to eat. In fact, on our last day together, he commented to me that maybe we were just two food addicts that fell in love with each other and with eating. There may be some truth to that, but I think it was so much more. Even though at the time that relationship ended, I was topping 240-250 and fitting into size 42 jeans.

NOW, my fiance is a 25 year old, Venezuelan with a great dancer’s body who comments daily about how he feels he has gotten fat.(Which incidentally has taught me that body dysmorphic disorder is alive and well, because he looks amazing to me, but I know deep down, he truly struggles with his weight.) So maybe, people fall in love with me and deal with my craziness through eating. I don’t know, but it needs to stop. I refuse to ever again feel comfortable only in a pair of 42 jeans. In the last year and a half, I have gained 25 pounds. 25 POUNDS!!! I can hardly believe I’m admitting to it, but the pictures of me recently tell the truth. I suffer from epilepsy and years ago my doctor wanted to change my medication because he was concerned about my rapid weight gain and possibility for diabetes. I was completely resistant to changing medications because I felt good on the medication I was taking and, well, because I had been at my lowest weight ever when I was on the medication. The reality is, I have never looked better than I did a year ago, so I have no excuse. My goal weight is not extraordinary or unreachable. I know what to do. An old friend I used to work with often told me, “eat less, move more”. Of course she was right, but also, the perfect weight. It’s always frustrating to hear someone who has never struggled with eating disorders tell you how to maintain or lose weight. Of course it’s simple. Some of the most difficult things I have ever done were the most simple.

It’s all about a lifestyle change. But you see…that’s hard. Because I’m an emotional and memory eater. I eat things which remind me of my childhood. Pumpkin pie and candy apples around Halloween. Ahhh…and of course those little snickers, thick chili and apple cider. In the summer, cheeseburgers, slushies and late night drive through food. I eat food that reminds me of my mom. Hell, even on Griffin’s last day, I bought him Frosty Paws and chicken from Long John Silver’s because it reminded me of when he was a little pup! I’m sick! HELP!!! The food train must stop here.

Two nights ago, I had my moment of clarity. Alex and I were on our way to the movies. I stopped and got three bags of candy. He, of course, wanted nothing. We then went and ate dinner at Applebees. (Cheapest meal with had in a long time, by the way, and they have weight watchers meals on their menu). Afterwards I asked if he was going to get popcorn at the movie, to which he replied, “No, I’ll probably just get a large bottle of water.” Hmmm…”Well, I’m getting popcorn.” I said, “Because tomorrow…”And he cut me off…

“The real diet begins?” And I walked in silence behind him into the movie theater. In that second, I realized how many times I had said those same words. To Alex. To all of my past boyfriends. To my mom, my dad, my cousin, to friends, to everyone I knew. “Tomorrow, the real diet begins!” What crap! And then tonight, two days after the real diet didn’t begin, I was standing in line at the grocery store, two combination Totino’s pizza’s, a bag of ruffled potato chips and sour cream and onion dip in my cart, when I saw this amazing couple in front of me. As my hand dropped to conceal my belly, I watched as they joked and laughed, unloading their cart of juices, raw vegetables, protein bars and chicken. They looked tan and fit. They looked healthy. They looked happy. And I realized. I want that!

So…My destination is to be those fools in the grocery store, only better. And I realized how right Alex was and that sometimes you just need to hear the right thing at the right time. I want Alex to find me sexy, hot, youthful and happy. I want him to be that way too! I want to be that! Don’t we all? It’s not only about appearance, trust me. It’s about standing in the closet with nothing comfortable to wear and almost wanting to skip a night out, or a business meeting, because nothing feels comfortable or looks right. It’s about feeling like a failure because you can’t lose those last five pounds, or those first 60. It’s about, as Oprah said, having accomplished everything you wanted in your life and being successful, and not being able to enjoy it in the body you have. I don’t want to look like the woman in the picture. But that’s how I feel. Full! Still stuffing crap in my mouth.

As a therapist it would be easy to diagnose, rip apart and analyze my deep rooted issues which push me to eat or feel insecure with my body image, and trust me, I will be doing that as well, because that is a vital part of the two-stemmed problem. If I don’t stop what has helped continue this growing urge, it will happen again and again as it has before. And healing is part of me feeling better as well. And I know, for me, food is comfort eating!

So, there is no time like the present. In all honesty, now that this post is completed, I wrote this because I wanted some accountability and I knew writing it on here would bring me some attention, wanted or otherwise, it is needed. I will be back to where I want to be, only better, after my voyage…what will your voyage be? Start desiring and living the best life you possibly can because, as you know…we’re on borrowed time as it is!

Dear Christian reader, press on persistently to know the Lord Jesus; seek His face regularly that your heart may gaze upon Him; exercise discipline habitually so that you fully cooperate with Him in your transformation; and love Him passionately so that your heart stays close to Him. Be settled in your heart: This is a lifelong process.
~Jerry White

I am a self-beater-upper.  I admit it.  Although I don’t believe in self-esteem, one might say I need a dose of it.  (I don’t agree with one, but it’s been said.)

I could go lots of ways with this; choose an area of life, and I could tell you why I think I suck at it.  Whether it’s keeping house, keeping my hair looking nice, or keeping myself on track with my Yeshua, I can give you a list of reasons why I’m inadequate.  Usually, I brush off any comments encouraging me away from what may appear to be unhealthy thoughts by reminding the encourager that I truly am a worm and that I truly do deserve to burn in hell for all eternity.  Argument won; I suck.  You cannot convince me otherwise.  (No, I am not criticizing God’s good creation.  I am criticizing how I’ve corrupted it.)

Does this mean I go around a mopey mess, just talking about how much I suck?  Of course not!  I usually keep my self-loathing to myself, unless pressed.  I do, of course, realize that God’s grace is sufficient.  None of my sins can overpower God’s grace.  Count me unspeakably grateful, and completely cognizant of my ultimate freedom from sin through the death, burial, and resurrection of the Messiah!  Hallelujah and amen.

However, I beat myself up daily for choosing things over Him.  Deservedly so — my relationship with Him suffers because of it.  I deeply desire an intimacy I’ve never known — an intimacy I’ve only read about and experienced on the fringes.  It’s there, but I’m not there because of me.  It’s infuriating.  But, I’m encouraged by the words above.  ”It’s a life-long process.”

I echo the most honest words ever spoken:

Have mercy on me, a sinner.

Rogers, Carl and Freiberg, H. Jerome.  (1994).  Freedom to Learn, 3rd edition.  Upper Saddle River, New Jersey:  Prentice-Hall.

Using the “Guiding Essential Questions” from the EDCI-886, Philosophy of American Education, Fall 2009 syllabus, I describe some of the “big ideas” from Freedom to Learn.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN, Researching person-centered issues in education

“Traditional schooling worked for me.  Why can’t kids today sit still and listen to the lecture?”  (p. 247)

“The major reason for the importance of this chapter is that it presents research, documented over time and in different contexts, that students learn more, attend school more often, are more creative, and are more capable of problem solving when the teacher provides the kind of human, facilitative climate that has been described thus far in this book.”  (p. 248)

• students who have been socialized to accept a passive approach to learning is dwindling
• level of expertise needed for an adult in today’s world is significantly more complex and demanding
• knowing is no longer enough:  knowing why and how is of greater importance

“It is also more important for students to develop their potential than to adjust to dysfunctional settings.”  (p. 248)

“What happens to school attendance when all the teachers in one school decide to increase the amount of direct interaction through eye contact they will have with their students?  What percentage of average classroom time is taken up by teacher talk:  20 percent?  40 percent?  60 percent?  80 percent?  How often do students in elementary, middle, and high school select their own learning activities?  What are the differences between open and traditional education on student learning, attitudes toward school, and creativity?  What does research on the brain show about experiential learning and brain development in children and adults?  What effect does cooperative grouping have on learning and self-esteem?  What are adults like today who were raised in families that spared the rod with their children nearly forty years ago?  Can schools foster resilience in youth who face a daily barrage of non-facilitative conditions?  What proportion of student time involves actual thinking?  What percentage of teacher time is spent in thinking:  10 percent?  1 percent?  or less?”  (p. 248)

• person-centered learning is a process first and an outcome second
• person-centered learning focuses on the whole person — individual values, beliefs, and attitudes — not a few skills or actions

What works:  direct or indirect teaching?

National Center on Education in the Inner Cities, 1993:  99% activities selected by high school teachers; 98% by middle school teachers; 100% by the elementary school teacher.  78% of instruction in elementary, 88% in middle, and 81% in high school classrooms took place in whole- or large-group settings.  The smallest percentage of small-group work was in high school classrooms:  3.17% compared to 5.20% in middle, and 12.20% in elementary.

Brain development and rich environments

• student input into selection of learning activities are necessary if rich environments are to be created in the classroom

Facilitators can make a difference

• students learn more and behave better when they receive high levels of understanding, caring, and genuineness than when they receive low levels of support

Facilitative conditions and student learning

David Aspy and Flora Roebuck, 1977, Kids don’t learn from people they don’t like

• students miss four fewer days of school during the year
• students have increases scores on self-concept measures, indicating a more positive self-regard
• student make greater gains on academic achievement measures, including both math and reading scores
• student in person-centered classrooms present fewer disciplinary problems and commit fewer acts of vandalism to school property
• students are more spontaneous and use higher levels of thinking

Other studies that support person-centered learning

“What happens when the system of learning is freed and opened to the students’ need for active involvement?”  (p. 260)

How effective is open education?

• greater self-concept, creativity and positive attitude toward school (in students)

Caring:  a protective shield

Amy-6 in Philadelphia; HSPVA and Milby High School in Houston; O’Farrell Community School in San Diego; The Dett School and Montefiore School in Chicago; New Orleans Free School are examples.

If you know me, even if only a little well, please take like 2 minutes and click on some words, lol.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=windyote

Bing a good girl is bad? If you think that a good girl should be dependent, quiet, obedient, and shy, then Rachel Simmons, the author of the best sellers Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl, might tell you:  No! Simmons talked with TIME that girls were taught early on to suppress their emotions and not live as loudly as they might be inclined to, and her new book aims to show how to raise girls who aren’t afraid to be assertive and even a little less than perfect.

The good-girl identity is associated with traditional femininity gender role which refers to the attitudes and behaviors that class a woman’s stereotypical identity. Girls internalized their gender role during the process of socialization. In western culture, femininity has been associated with traits such as dependence, intuition, submissiveness, and emotionality whereas masculinity has been associated with traits such as independence, rationality, competitiveness, and objectivity. Thus,  a good girl used to be expected to act elegantly and restrainedly, and repress their strong emotions and feelings.

However, the content of socially accepted gender roles changes over time, and roles that may have not been acceptable at an earlier point in one’s life may become socially desirable at a later point. A recent meta-analysis of changes in masculine and feminine traits among college student found that since 1973 women have increasingly reported stereotyped masculine personality traits for themselves (Twenge, 1997). At the same time, some researches shows that women who were gender role typed as stereotypically masculine or androgynous would exhibit significantly greater levels of psychological well-being than women who were typed as stereotypically feminine or undifferentiated. It seems likely that being “good” is no longer the only or preferred option for girls.

When Being a Good Girl Is Bad (TIME)

Kendra J. Saunders, K.J., & Kashubeck-West, S. (2006). The relations among feminist identity development, gender-role orientation, and psychological well-being in women.

Tang, T.N., & Tang, C. (2003). Gender role internalization, multiple roles, and Chinese women’s mental health.

Note:  This is not going to be one of the normal FA posts.  I had one all written out, which will post on Wednesday.

This may be triggering, has to do with rape, so it’s behind the cut.

Two nights ago, after Conall arrived home from work at 12:15am (technically Sunday morning, but since we’d not been to bed yet, it was still Saturday night), the BiL saw about 5 police cars, lights flashing, on the street about a third of the way down the block.  He called Conall’s and my attention to it, and we all wondered what was going on.  After all, we live in a “good” neighborhood.

Last night, Conall heard some of the story on the news, and today, in a small article in the newspaper we found out the rest.

It seems a woman had had an argument with her boyfriend and took a walk to clear her head.  On the walk, she was abducted by a man who forced her into his SUV, and then drove her to an empty house on my block.  He forced her into the house.  She pretended to be violently sick and managed to get away at that point.  She got help, and by the time we saw the police cruisers, they were looking for the man who abducted her.  They did find him and arrested him early Sunday morning.

Like I said, I live in a good neighborhood, but last night, Conall came home from work, having heard that reported on the news, and was extremely afraid for me.  All of a sudden, he wanted me to take self-defense (not just Tai Chi), so that I can get away if somebody tries to drag me someplace.

We had an interesting argument that turned into a discussion last night.  A few of his “male privilege” ideas came tumbling out and I was able to — bluntly — tell him the truth of things.

One thing he asked was, “So in your world, if a man grabs you it means he going to rape you?”

Yes.  If a strange man grabs me and starts pulling me into a car/house/dark alley, yes, all it means is that he’s trying to rape me.  If he wants money, he’s either going to demand I give him all my money and/or valuables, or he’s going to do a snatch and grab of my purse.  If he does a snatch and grab and misses my purse, accidentally grabs my arm, he’s just going to try and pull me over so he can still get his objective of my purse, with whatever potential money it might have in it.  If he grabs me, and pulls me someplace, there is only one thing he’s going for.

Hearing me say that matter of factly opened up my dear husband’s eyes and mind.  In his world, nobody would try to grab him unless they were either crazy (Conall is 6′2″ tall and naturally muscular, people, even men, are usually afraid of him), they had a personal vendetta against him and wanted to beat him up (he has no enemies, so highly unlikely), or they think he’s worth a ransom (and then, even if he did get kidnapped, he’d not have to worry about being raped).  He’s never had to worry about that, nor about just being gratuitously beaten up for making his aggressor angry with him.

Me?  I’m 5′2″.  3/4 the men in the world are taller than me, with 1/2 the women being taller than me.  Forget, for a second, that I’m fat.  Just being short means I have a short stride.  In running, I don’t have any speed.  Then, when Conall and I moved to the mountains, I had a severe reaction to the altitude.  I STILL have the reaction to the altitude.  If I’m walking, I can walk for hours without any problems.  Once I start running though, I run out of breath in a minute or two.  All an aggressor would have to do if I got away is outrun me.  And, when he caught me again, he’d be angry, besides still wanting his original objective.

Conall was angry with me for what he thought was me being “okay” with being raped.  He didn’t understand my reasoning of, yes, do what you have to, but when it comes down to it, being raped and alive is better than being raped, beaten, and killed because you made the aggressor angry. 

I tried to make a joke of “at least, if I’m alive, I’ve got a kick ass therapist who can help me through the effects of this rape.”  He wasn’t amused.

He’s afraid for me now, because this situation happened so close to us.  He’s afraid for me because I take the dog out every night when he’s working second shift (poor puppy couldn’t wait from 7pm when it gets dark til midnight without going outside).  He’s afraid because he can’t be with me 24/7 to protect me.

The thing is, I’m not afraid.

Yes, this happened on our street, 1/3 a block down from where we live.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m still not afraid.

This type of thing happens so often, it only warranted a 4″ one column report in the local newspaper.  As a woman, I’ve known for a very long time that this kind of thing could happen.  As a woman, I’ve had this kind of thing happen to me (ie, sexual molestation/rape).  I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that people do this, and I can either hide in fear the rest of my life, or I can live my life under my terms.

The puppy has to go out every night.  I’m the only one available some nights to take her out.  I’m not going to clean up puppy messes inside just because somebody might try and force me into their car.  I have more fear of the coyotes, mountain lions, and bears in the area than I do the human predators.

And even so, I won’t let fear cripple me.

I hope one day that all women will be able to say, “I am not afraid,” no matter how often they’ve been violated.  I hope one day, we will be able to get all men, even the good men like my husband, to understand what a different world they live in and we live in. 

Mostly, I hope that one day, we can say, “I am not afraid” because there truly is nothing to be afraid of, rather than in defiance of what is out there lurking in the night.

Everyone knows that a person on state benefits is a bit shifty. Spongers, parasites, lazy, untrustworthy. Probably fraudstersEveryone knows someone – or knows someone who knows someone – on benefits, who has a huge television, buys designer clothes, has children littered about, has many children with different fathers, and who goes on international holidays at least once a year.

This is the overwhelmingly dominant paradigm in the discussion of people on benefits, and this group is treated in ways which, were they black or gay, would be simply illegal. It’s illegal to offer a flat for rent with the proviso of ‘No Blacks, no Dogs, No Irish.’ But it’s normal for a landlord to have the proviso ‘No DSS’. It’s absolutely acceptable to discuss people on benefits with as much hatred as you like, in the media, in the pub, at dinner parties, and in coded terms within education, medicine, social services, at the hairdressers, in a bus queue.

It’s acceptable to put a person on benefits under surveillance. Anyone, without the need for proof, and anonymously can call the Benefit Fraud Hotline to report a ‘benefit thief.’ (This is most often done after an argument or relationship breakdown, spite being the motivation.) DWP officers can put a person on benefits under covert surveillance taking long lens photographs of them, their children, their friends and their home life. They’re allowed to gain access to your bank account. Even if there’s no proof of fraud, a permanent note will be made on their records. People who have never had anything to do with the legal or judicial system, or read a history book, pompously reiterate the inane cliché ‘You’ve got nothing to fear if you’ve done nothing wrong,’

Imagine other groups under the same conditions: University lecturers’ bank accounts are accessed. Journalists are put under surveillance. The children of doctors are covertly photographed. The neighbours of Polish people are encouraged via advertisements on bus stops and on the television, to keep an eye on them. Just in case. It’s unconscionable. But counselors live and function in a society where we know that people on benefits are treated in this way and we don’t really care, even though most of us will work with people on benefits from the beginning of our training.

How does living with the knowledge that you should be ashamed of yourself, that other people detest you simply because of your income, and that you are at threat of surveillance if you annoy someone, affect a persons self-concept and loci of evaluation?