Whamy ! There goes another Kanye West banger ! Kanye Omari I-interrupt-Taylor-Swift West is one of the most successful Hip Hop and RnB artists in those times – point.

He is the most important representer of Chipmunk Soul, which is signed by high pitched soul samples.

He says about his music: “everything I do is authentic. It comes from my soul.” And one can definitely hear that !

Instead of bore you with details about his career which you already know and how much success he has, I want to remind you on the most important singles and features of his career:

2003: Slow Jamz (Featuring Twista and Jamie Foxx)
2003: Through the Wire
2004: This Way (Featuring Dilated Peoples)
2004: All Falls Down (Featuring Syleena Johnson)
2004: Talk About Our Love (Featuring Brandy)
2004: Jesus Walks
2004: The New Workout Plan
2004: Down & Out (Featuring Cam’ron and Syleena Johnson)
2004: Selfish (Featuring Slum Village and John Legend)
2004: I Changed My Mind (Featuring Keyshia Cole)
2004: The Corner (Featuring Common and The Last Poets)
2005: Number One (Featuring John Legend)
2005: Diamonds From Sierra Leone
2005: Hey Mama
2005: Gold Digger (Featuring Jamie Foxx)
2006: Heard ’Em Say (Featuring Adam Levine)
2006: Touch the Sky (Featuring Lupe Fiasco)
2006: Drive Slow (Featuring Paul Wall and GLC)
2006: Number One (Featuing Pharrell Williams)
2006: Extravaganza (Featuring Jamie Foxx)
2007: Wouldn’t Get Far (Featuring The Game)
2007: I Still Love H.E.R. (Featuring Teriyaki Boyz)
2007: Classic (Better Than I’ve Ever Been) (Featuring Nas, KRS-One and Rakim)
2007: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (Featuring Consequence)
2007: Can’t Tell Me Nothing
2007: Stronger (Featuring Daft Punk)
2007: Pro Nails (Featuring Kid Sister)
2007: The Good Life (Featuring T-Pain)
2008: Flashing Lights (Featuring Dwele)
2008: Homecoming (Featuring Chris Martin)
2008: American Boy (Featuring Estelle)
2008: Put On (Featuring Young Jeezy)
2008: Swagga Like Us (Featuring T.I., Jay-Z and Lil Wayne)
2008: Go Hard (Featuring DJ Khaled and T-Pain)
2008: Love Lockdown
2008: Heartless
2009: Amazing (Featuring Young Jeezy)
2009: Knock You Down (Featuring Keri Hilson and Ne-Yo)
2009: Paranoid (Featuring Mr Hudson)
2009: Kinda Like a Big Deal (Featuring Clipse)
2009: Whatever You Want (Featuring Consequence and John Legend)
2009: Supernova (Featuring Mr Hudson)
2009: Make Her Say (Featuring Kid Cudi and Common)
2009: Run This Town (Featuring Jay-Z and Rihanna)
2009: Forever (Featuring Drake, Lil Wayne and Eminem)
And here is the track you have been waiting for:

Kanye West – Im so Appalled

Warmth rushes down my throat as I take my first sip of hot tea. Something about it floods into my deeper than physical self too… and it seems to burn the darkness away. Such cold, such bitterness lurk in the hollows of my depth… squeezing every bit of tenderness and joy and peace and compassion and love out, out, OUT of me! Frigid insides, cold as death I am at times. Cold as someone who’s been hurt… who’s lonely.. who’s afraid.

Until the warmth…

Hot tea, you warm me back into feeling the feelings I tried to forget. Sympathies return to my heart and longings of rage fall aside.

It is time to grow up. It is time to tend to all of the sadness and sorrow felt. People so hungry they run away.

Oh, but I tire of tending the broken sometimes… the hearts ache relentlessly and I feel never ending bellows scourge me inside out… burn holes through me… and even take advantage. Lord, why? I have heard 20,000 sermons on why I should not ask why… but in my weakness I ask again… why, Lord?

Why do they hurt? Why do we hurt? What characteristic of you do I carry that causes my heart to wrench in sickness and carry the burdens of the broken ones. I am a broken one too. Yes. A broken one too, Jesus. What in me rises up toward injustice and weeps with the battered… even when I don’t want to. Lord, I need you. I want to be a giver, not merely a receiver of your love and grace to hoard them in selfishness.

I must be so alone. Who else knows my longing for Your presence? Who else knows the  depth of Your great Love to me? You God, are all I need. You Lord, are more than capable of guiding me. You Jesus, have made me with fear and wonder, because I can choose whether or not I represent You well.

I want to represent You well.

Hot tea, you have warmed me… warmed my insides softer and softer still.

I am open to your movements God. Show me where you want me. I will go.

Greg Koukl of Stand to Reason wants Christians to be “ambassadors for Christ”. What’s that?

Here is a dictionary definition of ambassador:

1. a diplomatic official of the highest rank, sent by one sovereign or state to another as its resident representative (ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary).

2. a diplomatic official of the highest rank sent by a government to represent it on a temporary mission, as for negotiating a treaty.

3. a diplomatic official serving as permanent head of a country’s mission to the United Nations or some other international organization.

4. an authorized messenger or representative. Abbreviation: Amb., amb.

Greg Koukl says that a good ambassador needs 3 things: knowledge, wisdom and character.

Greg writes:

I’ve heard it said that sometimes you will be the only living Bible that anyone can read. Well, that’s what it means to be an ambassador. You will speak for Christ. One way or another, for good or for ill, you will speak for Him if you are a follower of Jesus Christ. So we want to strengthen good representatives, and we know that takes emphasis in three areas.

One are to strengthen as an ambassador is knowledge. In other words, you’ve got to know a few things that your sovereign wants you to represent to the rest of the world. So you’ve got to have this knowledge base.

Secondly, you’ve got to communicate that knowledge in a way that is sensitive to the people that you’re sent to. You need to understand their way of thinking. You need to understand their language after a fashion. You must be diplomatic, tactical after a fashion. So there is a certain wisdom, the right use of knowledge, that’s necessary for you to be an effective ambassador.

A good ambassador, any ambassador, packages that knowledge and strategy in the manner of delivery in himself or herself. It’s all wrapped up in an individual, and if that individual is offensive, if that individual is a bad representative, it doesn’t matter that the knowledge and tactics are sound. If the individual is wrong then the message loses its force. This is why we emphasize not just knowledge, not just wisdom, but also character. You must package the entire message in you personally so that you can be an effective, accurate, and virtuous representative or ambassador for Jesus Christ.

I think that a good ambassador for Christ needs to be motivated, as well. A good ambassador is concerned when some people have false beliefs about God’s existence, character and purposes. An ambassador cannot stand by and do nothing while God’s reputation is diminished in public. It is this concern for God as a friend that drives people to study apologetics, as well as theology,science, history, etc. We want to know what God is like, what he’s done and how we can show these things to be true.

The mission of Christian ambassadors

Consider 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, especially verses 11 and 2:

¹¹Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade men. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience.

¹²We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

¹³If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you.

¹⁴For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

¹⁵And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

¹⁶So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

¹⁷Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

¹⁸All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:

¹⁹that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

²⁰We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.

²¹God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

This passage about reconciling God and man is one of my favorites in the Bible.

God has chosen us to communicate on his behalf to people who don’t know him. An ambassador doesn’t treat God as a means to achieving happiness, security, health and wealth in this life. Nor is the ambassador’s job to let other people be happy without a relationship with the real God who is really there. The ambassador has a responsibility to explain God’s existence, character and purposes to those who are still ignorant of him. And that takes effort. God is not interested in making his human “pets” happy. He’s given us a task to accomplish – a task that may well consume a good deal of time, effort and money. A task that may diminish our happiness by making us different and unpopular.

Apologetics demonstrates your friendship with God

I often think about how to test others to see whether they are genuine Christians or not. This can be done for friendship or even when testing a prospective mate. A subjective “Christian” who invents their own view of God subjectively, using intuition and emotions, is not going to put themselves second for God and serve him as an ambassador. Instead, they’ll think that a relationship with God really means projecting their own desire for happiness onto God. “God” is there to make them feel happy, not to make demands on them.

And if a person doesn’t want a relationship with God as a real person, they won’t relate to you as a real person, either. If a person doesn’t think that God has purposes and feelings distinct from their own, they won’t think you have purposes and feelings distinct from their own. If a person thinks that God’s purpose is to make them happier, then they’ll think that your purpose is to make them happier. If a person is not willing to sacrifice their interests for God’s interests, they aren’t going to sacrifice their interests for your interests, either.

Fresh from the “No Surprise There” file, it has just come out that “Bishops of the Roman Catholic Church in Dublin covered up decades of child abuse by priests to protect the church’s reputation” according to a three year investigation. Let’s check out some highlights from the investigation:

1. The Irish government has stated that the result of the investigation “shows clearly that a systemic, calculated perversion of power and trust was visited on helpless and innocent children in the archdiocese.”

2. The Dublin Archdiocese attempted to get an insurance policy in 1987 for future legal costs and compensation claims, all while claiming to be completely ignorant of the whole situation. However according to the investigation“At the time, bishops knew of at least 17 priests linked to abuse cases, the report said, and “the taking out of insurance was an act proving knowledge of child sexual abuse as a potential major cost to the archdiocese.”

3. “One priest admitted to sexually abusing over 100 children, while another accepted that he had abused on a fortnightly basis during the currency of his ministry which lasted for over 25 years,”

4. Three Dublin archbishops — John Charles McQuaid (1940-72), Dermot Ryan (1972-84) and Kevin McNamara (1985-87) — did not tell police about clerical abuse cases, instead opting to avoid public scandals by shuttling offenders from parish to parish and even overseas to U.S. churches, the commission found.

And those are just the highlights!

I still believe that the whole epidemic (and that’s what it is, an epidemic) of WIDESPREAD child abuse by the Catholic Church has not even begun to hit its peak. It will come out one day just how many thousands and thousands of innocent children were abused by a money grubbing, disgusting excuse for a “godly” organization.

Keep in mind, this didn’t just happen in one city, or one state, or one country, or one continent. This happened in churches all over the entire world. Any “believer” who doesn’t see that the Catholic church is a HUMAN organization controlled by people who DEFEND their own when they’ve sexually, emotionally and physically abused children, and make active attempts to cover up these horrific actions is truly a blind sheep who simply cannot think for themselves. Any believer who doesn’t see that you are being taken advantage of by a system that rewards child molesters, is a sad excuse for a just human being. It still amazes me that more people aren’t disgusted and outraged at this whole situation.

Widespread sexual child abuse from those supposedly close to God and active attempts by those in power to cover it up. Threatening the children and their families to keep quiet. Controlling the governments to protect themselves. Is that what your God stands for?

Happy Thanksgiving.

My sponsor gave me the following 10th and 11th step inventory and told me to write it out every evening before I go to bed.

The Twelve Nightly Spiritually Focusing Questions

1. Was I resentful?

2. Was I selfish? …

Note: Cross posted from Recovery Is Sexy.com.

Permalink

For long enough we all have known that Americans aren’t the smartest people in the world… I mean, it’s amazing the percentage of them who still deny evolution as a fact… but this issue is part of a different post.  Stupid people is everywhere and they seem to reproduce a lot faster than smart people… lol

However, here’s what I have to say about a specific case for American Stupidity:

Today, randomly, I ended up watching a video interview of Adam Lambert, a singer from a reality show called American Idol.  Adam was a runner up of this singing contest and was best known because he was gay.  Yes, he liked kissing and having sex with guys.  Are you scared? Good, I’ll continue…

It seems that Adam kissed a guy in a presentation in the American Music Awards (which I’ve never seen since I don’t watch TV).  Anyways, it seems Adam had a kissed a guy and did a short dramatization of an oral sex scene in front of the cameras of America.

Take a look at the interview:

It is really sad to listen to the reaction of the “average” American TV fan… it seems this song caused a very interesting reaction among the audience.  First, the TV network ABC had to “blur” the image of the kiss before showing it on TV around 11pm… Their excuse? Because children could see it and freak out by the images!

And I mean, what parent would allow their children to watch TV at 11pm? And if so, why would a kiss be something bad?

Men and women have kissed for centuries and even longer… that’s what humans do to show how much they care for the people they are with.  I can assure you that men & men – and women & women, have done the same thing to tell how they feel to those they love for the very same time.  I can’t think of all the times I’ve wanted to do a “blur” effect on the heterosexual UGLY couples I’ve had to watch kissing in front of me…

I do have problem with ignorant, selfish, idiotic, religious, hypocrites and cynics… I really hate this people and consider them as stupid as a jelly fish.

However, at the end I was somehow happy to listen to this video.  This guy, Adam, is a Pop star and I was astonished by his answers to the interview.  Congrats to him for everything he said!  I hope one day people will be smart enough to understand what morality really is; as well as to understand all the hurt that Religion & the idea of a God has had in our not so civilized “Civilization”.

If you’ve read this far I’m sure you won’t have a problem with this pic, take a look.  To me he’s a normal guy.  Isn’t he?

I purchased a late birthday present for myself today. And I wasn’t too stingy.

$30.00 Shampoo + $30.00 Conditioner + $99.99 Flat-Iron = $159.99 before taxes.

My hair needed it though, Big time. My old flat-iron had a crack in it so it had been pulling and breaking my hair for months and I had been using $3.00 Wal*Mart shampoo without conditioner for some time.

The bottom line? I’m very metro sexual.

Everyday a Christian needs to pray for their death. They need to pray for death to self, to “loose their life” so that they might find it in Christ.

I am very selfish. I have a great ability to talk much more than I should, and most of that chatter is probably about myself. I have a great ability to promote my needs, my wants, my ways. I have a great ability to demand what I want.

I am praying that I my die to self and live so much stronger for Christ. I am praying that my heart is daily renewed and that I am filled with the Spirit so that I may live to the glory of Christ.

This is my hope. This is my prayer.

Peace and Blessings

JW, IS, SHOUTING, AT, ME.

He is blaming me for the divorce papers taking so long to get served. As usual, he has made up his own time-frames and tells me that “HE, HAS, BEEN, WAI,TING, FORRRR, NINE (pronounced NAAN), MONTHS, FORRRR, THOSE, PAPERS, MY ,IN,COM,PE,TENT, LAW,YER, IS, SUP,POSED, TO, GET, TO, HIM!” He puts commas between every syllable, roles his r’s and takes on a very strong Afrikaans accent when he gets abusive.

Of course the fact that I instituted the divorce four months ago, and that every time the sheriff has been around to serve the papers he has been holidaying in Kenya, or Mocambique, Hoedspruit or on a fishing trip, has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I think that it must be part of his warped psyche that he thinks that even though I left him seven months ago, he can still bully me. Although to stay married to JW, you need the strength to cope with the neglect, (apparently a quality I have in buckets) you mustn’t be stronger than he is, because how can he dominate and argument and put you down if you can outwit him? Then he has to resort to his own biased version of the truth.

I am just making sure that I don’t rise to the bate and I am keeping it cordial and friendly. When he shouts I sweetly say “good bye” and put the phone down.

My mother taught me to use coals of fire. (When you react in a friendly, polite way to someone who is shouting at you; it’s supposed to be very disarming, and you come out of the situation the better person.) Unfortunately alcohol has desensitised JW’s brain so much that this subtlety escapes him. His natural reaction to conflict with people he has decided are weaker than him, is to bully and shout.

The only people he bullies are his staff, the domestic worker and ex wives (to be). He is afraid of unpleasant clients, lawyers and almost obsequious to people who owe him money.

He is most afraid of what people will think of him, to the extent that the bigger the loser the more out of his way he will go to help them financially or with counselling (over brandies and coke at three in the morning.) I believe that this makes him feel powerful. He will buy decrepit cars off them, or stay over at their house validating them. He always boasts that people confide in him, of course they do, after enough drinks, they would confide in the dog if it was buying a round.

What is going to happen when he has no one left to bully? He used to be such a kind man, and still is in public, but at some time there won’t be anyone who has been manipulated into giving him the power to bully them.

Actually there will always be someone with a low enough self esteem to be taken in by his now fleeting charm and fading good looks. His ideal partner must just stay good looking, so that his friends admire her, thin and earning enough money to support him. She mustn’t have his kids, that is where the neglect starts. This would be recipe for a marriage made in purgatory.

Tonight on my way home, I encountered my tube nemesis. I regularly encounter this rude gentleman on my way home – he gets on at Holborn and gets off at Liverpool Street, which is on my way home. He is aged around 50 years old I estimate, and I’ve never met someone as self-obsessed and openly maligned.

He will always persist in shoving people out of the way on the tube for his own personal gain and inconveniencing everyone at every possible account, wherever he can, however he can, to whoever he can – a reflection, he tells me angrily when I confront him (no one else will stand up for themselves), on his own life. He denotes proudly that selfishness is the only virtue that will get anyone anywhere, that it is the only way to live. How wrong he is. And how poorly this reflects on humanity.

If all humans thought as he did, they would speed up our species’ self destruct button, taking the rest of the ecosystem and the planet with it. If humans will not look out for each other, who will? Not a sky God keeping things ticking over from above – no. Humans have evolved to live differently from other animals, who collectively DO live selfishly in this manner in the animal kingdom in order to survive. Although it is often painted that way, human society does not have to reflect the animal kingdom in that sense. There is no one looking after us, no master plan in nature – merely what we have around us.

As one of the only fully self-aware species in a world faced with SO many global problems, it is alarming that people can be so extravagantly destructive of themselves and everyone around them. The way this man has lived his life – in a completely selfish manner as he so loudly proclaims – is a horrific example of this.

I’m no do-gooder. And certainly no preacher. I find no gratification in those things. But to encounter someone actively living such a destructive life like that just astounds me. He will consume and destroy, and no doubt his children too, until he dies, and leave behind a large footprint for those he’s selfishly passed his genes onto to suffer the consequences. Or maybe they will grow to assume his life stance, and also consume, have more children who’ll consume, and have more children…

So, he is my Tube Nemesis. Not in the sense that most people describe (i.e. “I always see X person and we always dash for the last seat!”) but in the sense that I cannot stand his ideals and aggressively destructive, intrusive, loudly offensive way of life. He is just one person. But how many more are just like him? I don’t  know.

I end this blog with a cynical video about the consequences of having children and being selfish. Pretty closely related to my encounter today, presented in a light hearted manner – but something I feel strongly about. And now, I return to my Management coursework for my adult learning class, feeling a little better after blogging this.

A need to escape

from my floods of distrust

Betray my one illusion

A chain of golden rust

Ignorance is a dream

and I long so much to sleep

But the echos still summon us

and I long so much to leap

-Into that mirage

where I hope that I’ll survive

A chance to find its meaning

My heart’s desperate revive

A need to escape

seems so selfish, too bold

So I’ll be that poster person

full of regret when I’m old

The daily, steamed appraisal waiting for
Porcelain and promise –
That I can show the plum-drum ritual of how
I think we all think of ourselves, and our lives
So well described on forearms and
Four legs.

I’d like to be remembered, at all times –
And is that selfish?
I want my eyes and cheeks longed after,
Put left-side along the brain where the gray flesh can
Exponentially warm it’s overlapping, flapping…
Flittering recollections of how I think I
Remember you.

But we don’t talk long enough to furnace
These thoughts, or have them
At all – but instead – and this is where my bruised skull
Has versed, traversed and gone reverse –
What we do instead: is nothing.

My parents wanted me to suffer. They got mad when their little mistake came out with exterior genitalia and they immediately thought: how can we make sure this child experiences constant hardship throughout their life without doing anything tangible to be blamed for? So they named me Elf. The first gnome ever discovered was a wooden carved statue in northern Sweden with the name Nisse carved into the pedestal. Thus my parents; people who grew up small and were going to raise me a vegetarian – people who knew my fate of an adolescence cursed with miniature stature, decided to name me after one of santa’s little helpers.

This name also offered an opportunity for my late-blooming puberty to offer me even more hardships in the form of misunderstanding the gender of my name and therefore being. And it assured that I would never have my name pronounced right the first time and each first day of class would start with the entirety of my schoolmates laughing at the teacher’s earnest attempt at reading a foreign word. This name caused a bird-apocalypse with one stone.

I no longer have first days of class, I now grow too much gross scraggly hair on my body to be confused for a female, and I stand a reasonably tall 5′9″, so the name has lost some of its power. That is not to say that my parents’ desire to see my constantly suffer has not come to fruition. Now I deal with an introduction conversation that is so routine that I begin answering people’s questions before they ask them. [What was your name? - Nisse - Wh..- It's Swedish. - How.. - My mom's Swedish. - And.. - It means elf. - (Then they say something that I don't listen to but I laugh afterward because I know that they attempted to tell a joke)] Now I deal with girls who get excited about my name because they are “obsessed with gnomes” (This is far more common than any of you assume) – girls who have high pitched voices and were treated well in middle school. Girls who remember fondly the time when they thought leprechauns and Santa and the Easter Bunny, but now recognize that it’s not cool to like those things and therefore go for the Arcade Fire of the imaginary being world – gnomes. The girl who is the hipster child. The girl I typically have no interest in but is always attractive in a mousey brunette with old navy shirts and capris sort of way.

Then I get stuck being told that I need to understand when you weigh as little as I, and when you dress as absurdly as I, and have as little sexual confidence as I, that I need to count my lucky that Miss. Mousey and Typically Attractive talks to me let alone wants to let me make out with her. And, yes that is all Mousey desires. Mice don’t like to fuck. Why do I weigh so little? My parents raised me to not eat meat. Why do i dress so absurdly? Because my parents lined my dressers with free health-food t-shirts. Why do I have such pitiful sexual confidence? My name is Nisse. And this forces me in this pathetic cycle of being told to keep chasing mice that I don’t want to chase.

So I thank my parents. Because without their desire to torture me, I might have turned out sans neurosis. I could be sitting in an office married to some vaguely mousey girl who went to Boston University with me instead of typing hateful words while sitting in a pile of my own peanut butter and jelly sandwich crumbs with fresh memories of female rejection swarming my head.

Thanks for not letting me become boring.

Haggai 1:1-11

You eat, but do not have enough; . . . you clothe yourselves, but no one is warm; and he who earns wages, earns wages to put into a bag with holes. Haggai 1:6

A little bit of doggerel goes as follows: “A cheerful old bear at the zoo could always find something to do. When it bored him, you know, to walk to and fro, he reversed it and walked fro and to!” The writer apparently thought people could learn a lesson from the bear, for these creatures seem to be quite happy as long as they have enough food to eat and a few of their own kind around them.

This is not true of humans, however. The Israelites who had returned from Babylon discovered that man cannot find happiness when he lives only for himself. They ignored the fact that God’s temple had not been rebuilt, but gave themselves to the construction of fine houses and completely occupied themselves with materialistic things. Yet their harvests were poor, their clothing inadequate, and their wages did not keep pace with rising costs (Haggai 1:6). The prophet told them they were reaping a harvest of unhappiness because they were putting selfish pleasures first.

God has made us a in His own image and for His glory. We can never find true joy until we obey Christ’s admonition to see “first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). Only then will we sow and reap abundantly, and eat and truly be filled. —herb vander lugt

O the emptiness of life without the Savior! Nothing worldly here can truly satisfy; we can only reap a harvest that’s abundant, serving Jesus as to self we daily die. —bosch

Selfish gratification will lead to spiritual stagnation.

When I saw this on Dr. Phil last week, I really have to say, it made me chuckle. Rudeness really does tend to be a personal thing and everyone thinks different things are rude. They had camera’s going on the audience as they came in and sat down and one whole section was late. They all came in up to 15 minutes later than what the time stamped on the tickets said. Of course they all had good reasons for being late ranging from being caught in traffic to “I’m always late, it’s who I am and people know that about me.” Then they recorded everyone answering cell phone calls, texting and taking pictures even though there were strict warnings about turning your cell phones off when entering the studio. It was kind of funny that when people were talking about themselves, it was “different” or “justified.”

When asking the audience what was rude to them, here are some of the things they said. Being late and people talking on their cell phones and making everyone around them listen were two right on top. Then there was touching a pregnant woman’s stomach. Sarcasm to a waitress as to why food is late. Saying “what’s the matter, your feet broken?” People getting checked out of a grocery store, food on the belt and they leave the line to get “one more thing” and make everyone in line wait. People who interrupt others. The rudeness about driving was so full I can’t even get into it but I’m sure you can imagine. Everything from not signaling turns to cutting people off.

It got me to thinking about the things we do that may be considered rude that we don’t even think about. I had to think to myself that I’m bad at interrupting people. I do it quite a lot actually. I just get really excited about something and think if I don’t blurt it out, I’ll forget about it and not tell that person. But that really shouldn’t be an excuse because when you get right down to it, it’s rude.

What bothers you that other people do? What is rude to you?

What do you do that’s rude and you defend with excuses?

I like to dance. I dance when I find myself on a side street by myself. I dance when I make myself oatmeal in the morning. I dance on the graves of the poor. The problem arises when I dance at a “club” or “bar” or “place where you are supposed to dance.” At these places dancing is put second behind attempting to check if doggie-style with this person you just met is worthwhile without taking off clothing. I’m not saying I dislike the arf-arf. What I am saying is that I don’t know how to transform a grind session into the same thing on my bed without my polyester pants in between our genitals, and that makes me want to dance.

If I just dance, I’m getting to shake my arms and legs in inappropriate fashions while people watch. That’s fun. If I’m forced to gyrate my hips in sync with another person, then I am forced to begin thinking about when I should tell her my name, when I should give her my phone number, if I should drag her out of this techno basement to go home with me, if she can tell I’m sporting an erection. All of these things distract me from fully committing myself to the dance – fully committing myself to being a one man show of flailing limbs.

I don’t want to insult this girl by pushing her body away from mine so that I have room to perform my mix of ska, salsa, and booty shaking because I probably would let her vagina hug my penis and I therefore would like her to understand that in case she feels similarly, but at the same time I’m bored of the feel of her jean-laden ass pushing up against my crotch. I have a cell phone in my pocket and she probably thinks I have a forked penis. That can’t be comfortable for her. I wish there were a way to tell her that I am interested in sleeping with her, but not in following the societally accepted format with which to indicate that I am interested in sleeping with her. I’m coming up with one.

Next time you are getting your groove down on the dance floor and some fly honey (in a gender neutral sense of the word) starts trying to put their genitals near your genitals, poke their belly button with both of your thumbs. If they poke back then you two can just leave and get to the fun part of sex: sex. If they don’t, then you know that they aren’t down for getting down in bed and would like to keep any contact strictly on the dance floor. Then I can leave and not waste my evening.

During my childhood, I did not have choices. I had things forced upon on my little childlike body. The word “no” did not exist in my vocabulary. I had never heard the word boundaries. Let alone know I could have them.

However, within the past year I have figured out that now, I can choose things. I have chosen to return to school. I have chosen not fight therapy and to just let professionals help me. I am starting to choose who I show love to.

The most important thing that I did choose was to start my journey of healing. I could have picked a very different path than I did. I could have become an addict, or a criminal. I could have chosen to stay a victim but I decided to call myself a survivor.

Recently my mother told me “I am self-centered and selfish for not giving someone a hug”.

I thought about what she said, I realized something. The first 22 years of my life, it was about everyone else.

While I experienced long-term sadistic abuse as a child. I kept my abuse a secret unconsciously because I was worried about how it would ruin the family image. My family stole my childhood away from me because of the unrealistic image they choose to show others.  They enabled my abusers for years until one of them died.

Selfish actually means caring only about oneself and I do not see anything wrong with that. At this point in my journey, I need to work on self-care. I am learning that it is ok and very healthy to establish boundaries.

I will not let others control my life. I will not do anything that I do not feel comfortable doing. If someone gets offended by not getting a hug, too bad. I am an adult now and a survivor. I make decisions for myself based on what makes me feel safe.

Therefore, “Self-centered” and “selfish”…damn right I am!

Sarah Palin “NOPE” t shirt by altworld
Many more t-shirts online at zazzle

You betcha!

After standing outside in the bitter cold, purchasing Palin’s new book “Going Rouge”, and waiting for hours with tired children and a wrist band guaranteeing an autograph, fans of Sarah Palin left empty handed without so much as an apology.

Upon her recent announcement that she will be ending her daytime talk show which has successfully spanned for 25 years, media Queen Oprah Winfrey has received a number of varying responses. While she does have many who are sad to see her go, whether they are shocked about it or anticipated it, there is a shameful segment of the population who have decided to make their bitter, ignorant and selfish thoughts known on blogs, youtube comments, news story comments and polls.

There are those in the media who are and have been jealous of Oprah for some time. Their inability to compete with her star power has left some of them feeling helplessly bitter. And while that is certainly no justification for hating this world humanitarian television superstar, it should not be entirely unexpected in the competitive and often dishonest world of mainstream media culture.

However, there is unfortunately another group of average, everyday “Americans” who …do not entirely process information correctly, or at least through a moral lens. Oprah Winfrey is a SELF MADE WOMAN. No one GAVE her ANYTHING! Growing up in poor humble beginnings, during a shameful racist period in our country, the thought of someone like Oprah rising to even a local management position would seem unlikely. Born in Mississippi, and raised in Tennessee, this little dark skinned black girl endured sexual abuse and also got pregnant. Flash that statistic to any average citizen, and one can just see the assumptions popping into their heads. “Oh great, another WELFARE MOM depending on the GOVERNMENT to take care of her!” NO ONE would think that background could lead to the making of one of the most powerful and influential women in the world.

From the start, people counted Oprah out. There were her early coworkers who did not want to work with a woman who looked like her (a dark skin black woman with a short afro and personality). As she mentioned in her 20th Anniversary dvd set, nearly everyone except for Gayle counted her out. They even wanted her to change her name to Suzy, because they did not think anyone would be able to relate to the name Oprah.

However Oprah never quit. She decided to embrace herself for who she was, and share herself as she was with America. She worked hard and got her own show where she shared her life story with America. She interviewed everyday Americans with an empathy, warmth and love that had not really been seen before on daytime television. People of all backgrounds felt comfortable opening up with Oprah, and sharing their story on her show. And as a result, those shows were able to touch and help people all across the country (and eventually the world) as many other people were going through similar circumstances.

Oprah never claimed to be all knowing. She brought on experts in whatever topic was being discussed to speak with guests and educate the audience. She never got bashful of sharing her strengths and weaknesses, her successes and failures with her audience. And whether she was interviewing a celebrity, a head of state, a prostitute, a teacher, a struggling family, a homeless person, a movie star, a championship team, an injured/sick or deformed person, or anyone else, Oprah always showed them the same dignity, warmth, kindness, and respect no matter who they were or what their story was.

If you hate Oprah, ask yourself, what kind of person are you? Are you human? I’m not suggesting everyone must love Oprah, nor am I demanding that everyone be her loyal viewer. But how on earth can any decent person hate this woman? Is it because you can’t control her every move, as if she personally belongs to you?

Oprah did not just give to charity, she gave to EVERYONE. She gave to people in need, as well as held huge giveaways to her audience members. Promotions through her show have boosted authors to become best selling authors, and jolted sales for American businesses to the point where corporate America coined the phrase “The Oprah Effect”. She has interviewed Al Gore and George Bush during the elections. She interviewed Bill O’reilly and Frank Rich. She has held concerts of all different music genres.

Oprah has had the Make a Wish foundation, Wildest Dreams giveaway shows, Oprah’s favorite things show. She not only gives and gives and gives, but encourages and rewards others to give. Through Oprah other unknowns have gained jobs including Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray, the employees of her magazines, the employees & actors of her films, etc.

As her show comes to a close, I hope some level of dignity comes from people and they celebrate how much this woman has accomplished despite the odds, and how many lives she has touched and helped. It would be pathetic if, through jealousy selfish ignorant people would zero in on how much money she has EARNED and get mad about her decisions AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN to support whoever she wanted to in this past election.

Every American has the right to a private life, free from the control and demand of others. And every American should be paid for their hard work and their success. Oprah became Oprah by being true to herself and helping and befriending others, no matter their status in life. It is time Oprah haters add some value to their own lives, and stop being bitter and jealous about the life of someone else.

Unlike many wealthy Americans, Oprah (like Michael Jackson) has been a giver. She didn’t bring down the economy through selfishness and risk taking like many of those on Wall Street. She didn’t go crawling to the government for aid, like AIG and the top banking execs who subsequently rewarded themselves for failing by paying themselves billions in bonus money they DID NOT DESERVE. She didn’t CHEAT people out of their money like Bernie Maddoff, or step on, kick, back-stab, or sleep her way to the top.

No, Oprah EARNED her money. She EARNED every penny of it, the old fashion, Conservative, capitalistic, American way. If you are a hater, don’t hate. Add some value to your own life, and focus on what YOU can do to be true to YOURSELF and help others.

You heard me right, IT’S SELFISH TO HELP OTHERS!

“Sure others gain from your help, but ultimately why are you helping others?”

It makes YOU feel good inside and really isn’t that what is all about; making YOU feel good? There are many theories out there about altruism, even seemingly selfless acts always have hidden motives whether you are aware of them or not. Ultimately it comes down to this, in some form or fashion you reap a reward for being kind to others.

It may be that:

• It makes you feel good inside
• It benefits your family
• You feel guilt if you chose not help someone
• You get an ego boost from the experience
• Relieving yourself from the burden of societies pressure
• A reward in heaven

No matter the case, the reasoning is the same…SELFISHNESS!

But “resultant selfishness” grown from seeds inspired from helping others is okay.

“Leaders help others all the time, so is leadership selfish?”

ABSOLUTELY! What better feeling than to work hard, guide your team, achieve high success and see your vision come to fruition. Doesn’t that make you feel good? Teachers, some of the greatest leaders in society, do this every day. Ask any teacher why they chose that particular profession and you will find an overwhelming response. They teach because:

• It is rewarding
• There is a certain prestige and power associated with the position
• It is an opportunity to mold the future
• They get to ignite the fire and see the “aha!” moment as students overcome challenges
• They get to see successes and what students become in life knowing they had affect on that student
• There is a great feeling of accomplishment in teaching the unteachable
• They get to share their love of learning with others
• It allows them the opportunity to serve others and give back to the community
• They get to spread their passion and virtues

“Now you know; does it make your quest as a leader any less meaningful?”

NO WAY! So what if it makes you feel good. Why shouldn’t you enjoy the experience of leading a team, helping others to accomplish a common goal. As you guide others you are shaping them for them for a better future. Everything you do influences them in one way or another. You have taken them in as an acorn, watched them sprout, growing into a seedling, eventually into a sapling and one day–a massive oak standing strong against the elements. You did that! With your optimism you helped them get where they are at and to where they are going.

Maybe it is selfish, but it sure does feel good!

Are you selfish? Does it stem from a primary interest in personal reward, or does it come as a result of helping others first? How are you looking to serve others and show up as a giver in your leadership role? Please tell me how. I would love to hear your story.

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Jason Christensen is National Accounts Manager for The Stanley Works.
He can be reached at jasonchristensen_blog@yahoo.com

Image Sources: schmucku.com, www.funkygrad.com, chocolatemintsinajar.com, antabaka.net

At times I don’t understand myself. I’ve hardly gotten any sleep in the past week, and I suspect that is part of the reason I am having horrendous mood swings. I’m getting three to four hours a night, and whatever nap I have during the day (and those, I have noticed, are becoming shorter and shorter and harder to come by, and do little to provide real rest).

I came home in a bad mood. I worked with good people, but I was too tired and it seemed to drag by (again, almost no sleep) and I found myself standing around in a daze during the short periods without orders, where generally I would be cleaning or stocking more things. I had a stomach ache because all I had was a chocolate bar and a few cookies, and of course to make that better, I bought a sundae at work right after I got off my shift.

I walk into my room, and there’s my cat, meowing and meowing to be fed. So I do that, even though I’m screaming at him to shut up. He doesn’t like whatever canned food I gave him, and begins to stalk off after sniffing it, but stops short. I realize he’s about to have a hairball. Terrific. 

Yesterday he shit in the corner of my room for no reason. He’s just irritating me beyond all belief, and I have to make sure my bed is made, because if it is even a little bit lumpy with blankets he’ll go to the bathroom right in the middle of it. I’ve already made the mistake of getting into bed and finding that cat shit was smeared all over the blankets. That’s a real great feeling when you’re exhausted and only going to get four hours of sleep anyway. I end up having to get all of my blankets together and throw them in the wash at 11 at night and take a shower and dispose of my clothes.

So he’s having his hairball. Well, something goes wrong. He starts convulsing, and actually falls onto his back. His legs go straight out and he twitches. I called myself Lady Apathy once for a reason. I watch, sighing in annoyance. I don’t even move forward to see what’s going on or help him out. For some reason it doesn’t matter and I wonder briefly if he’s going to choke to death while I stand there, contemplating the vomit I’m going to have to clean up.

Events like this are scary to me because of the lack of feelings in me. It’s one of those rare times where the apathy and I are face to face, in a strange sort of agreement. I have no fear of death, yet I know that in a true crisis I would likely do nothing. I’d be disinterested in helping rather than being too frightened to do so. The numbness is so strong there is no inclination to help. I’m tired and don’t feel like it; that is the sum of my feelings. 

I’ve had moments like this with my mother. I won’t go into detail; I have enough left in me to know to be ashamed of my inaction. I was always fascinated by psychology when they try to justify inaction in an emergency. Generally it is thought to have to do with social conditioning, fear, and most often confusion. Many people have trouble identifying an emergency, oddly enough, and in large groups the herd mentality runs rampant. If no one reacts, the chances of one person being different from the crowd and helping are very low (keep in mind this percentage is dependent upon how many people are present; smaller groups tend to be the worst, interestingly). If there is only one person, however, the chances of them getting involved are much higher.

My reasons, again, have nothing to do with fear or confusion. I’ve seen plenty of things die, and did my best to save them—back when I could feel. A family dog once almost choked to death, and I reacted accordingly. My dad nearly had a diabetic seizure when he came home from work once. I immediately figured out that something was wrong when he stumbled and couldn’t speak without stuttering. He came up the walk pale and shaking, bracing himself against the wall when I opened the door. I grabbed handfuls of the sugariest cereal in the cupboard and shoved it into his mouth. 

Things happen, we react. But what happens when you lose the inclination, and it has nothing to do with any of those other things that might prevent others from doing something? Does it make you inhuman? Does it make you evil? I don’t know anymore what to think of this. I don’t believe in good and evil, regardless of what I say. I do what my gut tells me and as far as general ideals go, my choices could go either direction or even somewhere inbetween. At the end of the day, I have very few morals that I strictly abide.

My cat  keeps choking for a short while, but finally stops on his own. I haven’t moved, because he’s got some of his mess on the floor through the doorway I have to go through. He gets up and nearly falls, but begins walking away. He ended up trailing puke all over my bed. I picked him up immediately and put him in the cage and went to do the laundry. In fact, I didn’t think about it until I sat down to type this. I also threw a packet of ranch dressing at the wall. It splattered everywhere. This was after I discovered there was nothing I wanted to eat. Apparently, at the time, the best reaction I could think of was making things worse.

I really don’t know what my problem is. I want to get rid of my pets. I want to quit my job. I want to die. Everything seems to culminate into this existence I don’t want to face or deal with. Everything is too much of a bother, nothing is interesting, and all I can seem to draw out of myself is more pessimism. 

I can see it clearly; don’t think that I can’t. This is full of negativity. I skip over any bits of my day that might have been alright and target the bad, going into much more detail. I consider it to be a character flaw of mine—not to say that I can’t stop—I am perfectly capable of being optimistic just like anyone, but for whatever reason it feels too difficult and I don’t even want to try. I’m lazy and weak and don’t want to make an attempt. I want to just flip the switch and forget it all ever happened. I want my life to be a bad dream and my death to be the waking. That’s what it is, really, I want my suicide to be a quick fix for my problems, a fix for having to be here at all.       

I’m a selfish bitch, and for some reason that doesn’t seem to bother me half the time. Maybe because deep down I see everything as a means of pleasing oneself. I don’t know if that is even slightly objective or another view brought on by my pessimism, but it is slightly comforting. It’s selfish to leave, maybe, but it is also selfish of others if they were to be angry about me not sticking around. It goes both ways, really.