Oh yes. You don’t need glasses, you’re not going blind, it really says “Twilight goodness”. (Though for not updating this one for so long, I should be forced to read the entire series. Not a saga, Goddamnit.)

This is the goodness I was talking about. Ah, I love Sparknotes. They made this guy read the series and write blog entries on it, and his comments are great. You’ll never see soup the same way again!

Also, These girls earn the Grandpa Badge of Slayage for their burnin’ hot slayage of Twilight. There’ll be tears in your eyes, I tell you. It will be beautiful.

(And I know this wasn’t strictly LB, but hey, after the blog below on Warner Bros’ horrific decision to reference Sata-I mean…SMeyer… we need a chuckle. At Twilight’s expense.)

Cool…

Quentin Tarantino. Loves: kung-fu, women's feet, bullets. Dislikes: making "Kill Bill 3" his next movie.

Dear Quentin:

You have long been one of our absolute favorite filmmakers, and now we hear you’ve been running around talking about whether or not you’re going to make another “Kill Bill” film.

Look, Quentin, we loved “Kill Bill” the first dozen times we saw it, but after “Inglourious Basterds”, you really stepped up your game.  We can’t have you regressing back into your “let’s just have everyone do really cool kung-fu” mode right now: we need more material from you along the lines of “Inglourious Basterds”.  Let’s stick with what earned you well over $100 million at the box office, more critical acclaim, and some genuine excitement from all the people that still count themselves as fans of your movies.

Also, the thing with filming women’s feet?  We’re willing to let that creepiness slide as long as your promise never to direct a movie based on a toy, board game, or 80’s cartoon.  Not that you’ve been threatening to, mind you, just in case you ever got pitched on such a thing.  And no remaking things you shouldn’t be remaking, got it?

We love you, Quentin.  That’s why this news both excited and “Meh”-ed us.  If you’re going to insist on making another “Kill Bill” (who, by the way, is deader than disco– both in film and in real life), give us one more film along the lines of the glorious “Basterds” first, okay?

Respectfully,

TV AND FILM GEEKS

_____________________________________________________

Donnie Darko aint got NOTHING on this!

Fresh from Ubisoft comes the news that a new Prince of Persia game will be free-running its way to multiple formats in May 2010.

However, Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands is not a sequel to the superb cel-shaded re-imagining of the series that we saw last year. Instead, this looks set to tie into the forthcoming Sands of Time movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Ben ‘I’ll take any job’ Kingsley.

The new title will supposedly bring together ‘fan favourite’ elements cherry picked from throughout the series so far, as well as injecting a healthy dose of new innovation to sweeten the deal.

Still, it will leave fans of the core series wanting. Whether or not we will see the Prince’s cel-shaded escapades continue in 2010 will remain to be seen.

What do you think readers? Should Ubisoft just skip the movie game and give us a new sequel?

Joe Dante

Joseph James “Joe” Dante (born November 28, 1946) is an American film director and producer of films generally with humorous and scifi content.

His films include Piranha (1978) and The Howling (1981), both from scripts by John Sayles; Segment 3 of Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983); Gremlins (1984), his first major hit, and its sequel Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990); Explorers (1985), Innerspace (1987), Amazon Women on the Moon (1987); The ‘Burbs (1989), Matinee (1993), Runaway Daughters (1994), The Second Civil War (1997), The Warlord: Battle for the Galaxy (1998), Small Soldiers (1998), Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003), and Homecoming (2005). In 1995-1996, Dante worked on The Phantom, and when he was removed from the film, he chose screen credit (as executive producer) rather than pay.  He was creative consultant on Eerie, Indiana (1991-1992) and directed five episodes. He played himself in the series finale.

Always casts Dick Miller in a cameo or supporting role.

Frequently has films/TV shows with themes similar to the movie in various scenes.

Always includes a reference to the Warner Bros. cartoons somewhere in each of his works.

Frequently casts Robert Picardo in supporting roles or cameos.

Frequently casts William Schallert in supporting roles or cameos.

Frequently hired composer Jerry Goldsmith.

Frequently casts Kevin McCarthy.

Frequently casts Ron Perlman in supporting roles or cameos.

Trivia

Former Roger Corman protégé. Also helped by Steven Spielberg.

Directors he has cited as his principal influences include Chuck Jones, Frank Tashlin, James Whale, Roger Corman, and Jean Cocteau.

Was interested in directing Batman (1989).

Was scheduled to direct a Jaws (1975) parody (under the National Lampoon banner) in the early 1980s called “Jaws 3 People 0″. Universal Pictures dropped this concept in favor of a “straight” film (which became the critical and financial flop Jaws 3-D (1983)).

So just a couple days ago, I downloaded a game called Torchlight, after seeing some reviews and videos on it (if you don’t know what it is, click here).

From what I’ve heard, it was created by some of the developers of Diablo 1 & 2 (and some of the soundtracks is the same as well), except graphically ‘enhanced’ like Diablo 3.
It’s a great game so far, and it’s great for holding me over for D3.
I think the developers released it as a fix for people wanting Diablo 3 that are impatient, and looking for some quick revenue. Or maybe I’m wrong and it’s going to be a full series, or something. Either way, from what I’ve read it’s a full-scale game with over 20 hours gameplay. The graphics are alright, they remind me of WoW kinda, though I’ve never played any warcraft game.

I wanna hear everyone’s thoughts on this game. It’s great, but do you think it’s just some diablo developers trying to be sellouts? Do you think it’s just an awesome alternate game? Don’t care and think something else?

For those looking to buy this game, go here.

It is also available on steam, for steam users, click here.

~brendles

Diamond Previews, the advance listings catalogue for the comics industry, has a listing for the Don Cheadle Iron Man 2 War Machine figure from Diamond Select.

Yes, I know we don’t get to see the full suit due to the main ad being blocked out but it is a tiny glimpse of what is to come.

Source: Bleeding Cool

The boy got there first. He figured she would be there soon so he went ahead and ordered coffee. they werent really gonna pay for it so why not order breakfast too? then again with his hangover, his meal might come right back up if he ate  so the coffee had to do for now. he didnt really drink coffee but at this time of morning, and having no alcohol or drugs in his system, he would take advantage of the most caffeinated beverage the restaurant offered and hope that the caffeine would have some effect. maybe ten or so refills later. but he kept in mind that here arent any other patrons yet, and waiters start to get antsy and asks how your gonna pay when all you do is refill your glass. and why the heck wasnt she there yet. she was the one who picked the freakin time and even the place. its not like she forgot. and if she took all the pills they bought before she got there he was gonna be pissed.

it was about then that the boy noticed the couple behind him. not because he saw them sit down, but because of what they were talking about. he’d never heard such filthy conversation in his life. the lady explained the depth of her throat and the man laughed as if it wasnt enough. ” i hope it doesnt hurt too much hun” she laughed as if that wasnt an issue. the different positions they were talking about hadnt even crossed the boys mind before. granted he wasnt yet a teenager but still. they were talking about bondage and sadism and things that even while completely wasted the boy couldnt even conjour up. listening while pretending not to was probably the most difficult thing he’d had to do in a while and after about 10 minutes of this the boy knew two things. he had been stood up by his favorite drug weilding playmate. and he had to know what these people looked like. were they young lovers with a wild side or were they gutter trash who did all this is in an abandoned house. maybe a house down the street from his house. a place he could visit later on if he followed them home. its not like his date was gonna show anyway so following them home was definitely a great way to spend the afternoon.

it took him a good five minutes before the boy got the nerve to turn around and when he did it was slow and very nonchalant. but there was no one there. the glasses werent full of watered down coke. the plates werent covered in what was left of egg omelets. nothing. he knew that if he stopped the waiter to ask he might have to pay for the coffee he had no money for but he had to know. conversations like that dont happen every day. or maybe they did. as soon as the guy walked by the boy reached out and grabbed the guy by the hand. ” im sorry sir but i have to know who was at the table behind me” he made up a story really quickly about how it sounded like a cousin he hadnt seen in a while.

the waiter looked at the boy like he was on drugs. ironically this time he wasnt. not yet anyway. but when the guy finally opened his mouth it was definitely not the answer the boy expected. “theres nobody at this table kid. there hasnt been anybody sitting here all morning. we havent even set out silverware yet. are you just gonna refill that all day or are you going to pay for that coffee?.”

the reason the boy wanted to know isnt really the sort of answer you give a person youve never met. and he wasnt gonna pay for the coffee so that wouldnt work as an answer either “im sorry i asked man. and yes im gonna pay for it when im finished. Im still waiting for a friend so fill it back up again please.”

the waiter walked away to get the pot of coffee. the boy took the ten dollar bill off the table next to his a took off. he had to get over to the girls house to find out what she was doing instead of meeting him. he was in no mood to walk with the ten bucks he just earned he could pick up some pot on the way and that was definitely a better financial choice than breaking it for bus fare. besides, the walk would give him time to figure out how to explain these people and their squalid conversation.

****

“i heard them!” he yelled.

” sure you did.” she clearly didnt believe him. “come on if you wanted to do any of these, why dont you just put the moves on me and do it. its not like id tell you no.”

“im not kidding around. i heard them clear as day. those people had the most disgusting conversation i think ive ever heard…”

“thought you heard” she interrupted

“come on im serious! im telling you someone had that conversation, i know it.”

She chuckled at his frustration and replied with a smile, ” you havent taken the pills i bought yet so are you something you dont feel like sharing with me or were you so screwed up yesterday that its still affecting you?”

[REC] 2 will have a two night screening at the Walter Reade Theatre in Lincoln Centre, Manhattan, NYC this December 5 and 6, 2009 at 9PM each night. Not only that, but the original [REC] will be screened on December 6, 2009 at 7:15 PM before the 9PM screening of the sequel.

You can order tickets for these [REC]2 screenings on the Film Society of Lincoln Centre website.

I live in Liverpool, England. I won’t be going. I need to be incredibly wealthy!

Cheers to 24FPS for the details.

Wow I just read that apparently Stephen King is considering penning a sequel to The Shining! My first thoughts were that this was a terrible idea and it really made no sense for him to do this other than a big paycheck. Since many have said that over the years he’s lost his touch, it made me wonder just how watered down this sequel would be or more so what it would be even be about? Well after an onstage interview at the Canon Theatre in Toronto, the Torontoist  had this to report on the book’s possible plot:

Check it out…

“Seems King was wondering whatever happened to Danny Torrance of The Shining, who when readers last saw him was recovering from his ordeal at the Overlook Hotel at a resort in Maine with fellow survivors Wendy Torrance and chef Dick Halloran (who dies in the Kubrick film version). King remarked that though he ended his 1977 novel on a positive note, the Overlook was bound to have left young Danny with a lifetime’s worth of emotional scars. What Danny made of those traumatic experiences, and with the psychic powers that saved him from his father at the Overlook, is a question that King believes might make a damn fine sequel.

So what would a sequel to one of King’s most beloved novels look like? In King’s still tentative plan for the novel, Danny is now 40 years old and living in upstate New York, where he works as the equivalent of an orderly at a hospice for the terminally ill. Danny’s real job is to visit with patients who are just about to pass on to the other side, and to help them make that journey with the aid of his mysterious powers. Danny also has a sideline in betting on the horses, a trick he learned from his buddy Dick Hallorann.”

So far it seems that King has a decent beginning story planned. I like the idea of following Danny ( I guess he’s the only link to the original ) as he is older and what eventually ends up happening to him. Whether or not King can execute it as brilliantly remains to be seen. I’m sure the movie version of this book will suffer greatly from Kubrick’s classic. Which I think is still one of the most frightening horror movies ever made. Who could possibly tackle the sequel as a director to make this movie live up to the first?

An action, comedy, ecchi,  martial arts genre will have its 4th series anime, Yuji Shiozaki’s manga Ikkitousen is now on the works which was announced in the Wani Books’ Monthly Comic Gum magazine.

It will be entitled as 『Ikkitousen XX: XTREME XECUTOR』, and a new character named as Ma Chao will be appearing and will voiced by Endo Aya.

Sources: [1, 2]

Return of the Living Dead Part 2

Get that damned screwdriver out of my head!

Jarv’s Rating: 1 Chang of 4

I hate it when this happens. I don’t want to come across as a miserable bastard when I’m doing these reviews (well, more miserable than usual) but this is just such a gigantic let down.

Return of the Living Dead was the film that took Romero outside and then beat him with one of his own shoes. It was a superb, hilarious, irreverent, gross horror comedy that took all the best bits of zombie films and added a few of its own. It was smart without being smug, nasty when necessary and one of the most genuinely enjoyable schlocky horror films of its’ time.

This, however, is not. It does, to be fair, give me a great chance to expand on one of Jarv’s golden rules of schlock horror, but in comparison to its incredible elder sibling and the inventive, shocking and superb second sequel it’s a massive, massive failure.

I can hear the thinking behind this. It sounds exactly like “KA-CHING”. The original was a highly successful little film, so a sequel was always going to be inevitable. To make matters worse, it deliberately sets out to compare itself to the original, and is lacking in every single conceivable way. It’s like Audley Harrison comparing himself to Mohammed Ali- just stupid and outclassed.

It is also as lazy as you can get. Dialogue, location, plot, and actors are all rehashed in a shameless and frankly bone-idle attempt to recreate the magic. To make matters worse, one of the returning cast members even drops a wink to the audience by saying “I’m sure we’ve seen this before”. You don’t say. I don’t ask for a lot from these movies, but please put some fucking effort in.

Not to mention the fact that the town was nuked in the original, and they even gave a route for a sequel that would have made sense. This isn’t so much Part 2 as “Part 1, but gelded”. The original is 18 rated in the UK. This is 15. As soon as you see a drop in rating then you know that it isn’t going to be anywhere near as good as the original.

Plotwise: 3 kids find a barrel of trioxin. Gas gets out, chaos and hilarity fail to ensue, before undead horde are defeated using the brilliant plan of a truck load of beef brains and enough electricity to power Kim Cattrel’s vibrator for 45 seconds. It’s moronic dogshit of the lowest order, stupid without being fun, and any momentary enjoyment is buried under the weight of it’s own self-regard.

The acting is not worthy of mention, and the direction is insipid and uninspired. The writing, on the other hand, is worth a mention- because it’s crap. Imagine the bastard lovechild of Kevin Williamson and Diabolo Cody scrawling on a wall in crayon and I bet they would come up with “zingers” like you get in this film. I can’t physically be arsed to go through them all, and the thought of doing so makes me depressed, but really, crap like “You’ve got a big mouth and no brains” really makes me want to kick the writer. All the characters are poorly thought out stereotypes, the set pieces have as much tension as the skin on a bowl of custard, and it manages to be dull, predictable and frustrating.

So, given all the above, is there any reason on earth to watch this lame rehash? Well, I’ve given it one solitary Chang, and that’s for the zombies themselves, who are hilarious. The brilliant exchange where the zombie tries to persuade the survivors to return to the hospital is very funny, and they are as a rule much more professional than the previous effort. They aren’t a patch on the glorious and hideous monster Julie in the second sequel, but at least the Tarman makes a welcome cameo. If you must inflict this tripe on yourself, they do briefly enliven things (before it slides right back into the crapper with the young couple whinging about something or other).

I know this is from the original, but I couldn't find a good one from this film

And this brings me on to Jarv’s 2^nd rule of schlock horror: do not make a child the central character. The reason being, as soon as you do you neuter the film. Only truly vindictive and bad natured films kill children. Schlock is more playful and inept fun- so the presence of a child as the main protagonist automatically means that said child is not going to die (as much as he may deserve it), and if he/she does then it’s a horrible piece of shit that needs avoiding anyhow.  Teenagers are great cannon fodder, but anyone under the age of 16 should not feature in a risk taking capacity at all.

Overall, would I recommend this? No, I most certainly would not. Watch the original for laughs and the third film for genuine horror. This is boring, ill conceived, downright lazy cash in with all the charm of a steaming dog turd on a summer’s day.

I have found the perfect summer read. Karen White’s House on Tradd Street comprises all of the essentials: intrigue, romance, history and comedy into one praise-worthy novel.

Set in Charleston, S.C., this book stars Realtor Melanie Middleton, who lives her life by the rules. She’s logical, organized and disciplined — and she can see ghosts, a talent that tests her patience when one ghost in particular enters her life uninvited.

When Melanie suddenly comes into ownership of a house she had only been interested in selling, her life is immediately turned upside down.

To make matters worse for Melanie, Jack Trenholm enters the picture. A gregarious and handsome man, Jack writes historical novels, and the house Melanie has just inherited intrigues him — as does she. Jack is searching for a crop of Confederate diamonds that purportedly lie hidden in Melanie’s new house, and his search for the stones awakes a seemingly evil presence that lurks there. Jack has his work cut out for him from the beginning, as he attempts to woo Melanie and a ghost simultaneously.

White’s characters are dynamic throughout. The novel is riddled with painful notes from Melanie’s less-than-perfect childhood as she struggles to reconcile her past with her present. As she battles the memory of a mother who left, Melanie’s estranged father simultaneously insists on helping renovate the house on Tradd Street as he attempts to leave his alcoholism behind him and rediscover his daughter.

Jack’s apparent cockiness is tempered by his charming Southern flair, and his recent career hit over a discredited book earns him sympathy. The relationship between these two is anything but static. From the start, Jack gets on Melanie’s nerves, and she does everything she can to keep him away. Unperturbed, Jack repeatedly saves Melanie from the ominous presences lurking in her living room and eventually earns the independent woman’s trust. Together, they must unravel the mystery of the Vanderhorst family, whose house Melanie is now living in.

Background characters including a scruffy dog named General Lee, Melanie’s hippy-ish best friend Sophie and an affectionate housekeeper warm the pages and each add personality to the book.

Praised for its Lowcountry appeal everywhere from bookstore shelves to the pages of Southern Living, The House on Tradd Street is a hit.

Luckily for me, there’s a sequel out this month, and my favorite characters will be back for more mystery solving as the romance between them heats up in The Girl on Legare Street. Two more books in the series will follow , due for release in 2011 and 2013.

-Caroline Buttimer

Welcome back for more Hollywood info…

- New to Sequel-ville: “Stomp the Yard”

- Charlize Theron was auctioning-off a trip to Africa which included a meeting with Nelson Mandela. With the highest bid being $37,000 she decided to offer a seven-second kiss to any man for $130,000. A woman offered $140,000. The kiss lasted for 90-seconds. Photo is below.

- The third Daniel Craig “Bond” movie will begin filming next year.

- New to Remake-Town: “Dambusters,” “Footloose,” “My Fair Lady,” “Short Circuit,” “Let the Right One In,” “Reincarnation of Peter Proud,”

- Pam Anderson has spoken out against the new “Baywatch” movie citing that she hates it when movies are made from TV shows. Nice to know she has standards…

- Tara Reid will be in Playboy and a team of Photoshop-ers are currently working on the pictorial.

- J.R.R. Tolkien had a good year for being a dead guy: he made $50 million. Although he was beat out by Michael Jackson ($90 mil) and Elvis Presley ($55 mil) he did make more than John Lennon ($15 mil), Jimi Hendrix ($8 mil) and fellow author Michael Crichton ($9 mil).

- The original writers on “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” are coming back for the sequel. How many years has it been…?

- According to a recent AOL poll, Miley Cyrus is the worst influence on kids (42%), followed by Britney Spears and Kanye West.

- The movie “Australia” couldn’t get a nomination for itself or actors by the Australian Film Institute.

- According to the Parents TV Council, violence against women has risen 120% in the past 5 years.

- 50 Cent is on board with the idea that UFOs/aliens have visited us and the government is covering it up.

- For those with extra cash lying around, the rights for the “Terminator” franchise will be auctioned off this month.

- Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will co-host the Oscars.

- Ted Danson, Tom Selleck, and Steve Guttenberg will reunite for “Three Men and a Bride.” I should say something witty here…

- Sony has acquired the rights to “Risk,” the world-domination board game. No word on how long the movie will be, but I’m hoping less than 6 hours.

- Will Smith has signed on to star and produce “Flowers for Algernon,” based on the story.

- Dwight Schultz, who played “Howlin’ Mad” Murdoch in “The A-Team,” has confirmed that he has a cameo in the upcoming film.

- Guillermo del Toro has confirmed his cameo in the “Hobbit” movie.

- Two good pieces of news for “Dark Tower” fans: J.J. Abrams will NOT be directing a “Gunslinger” movie, and Stephen King is possibly working on an 8^th novel.

- MGM is up for auction as well…

- Due to bad money management, Nic Cage has foreclosed on 4 of his homes.

- Will Ferrell tops the Forbes Most Overpaid Actors list, with his films earning $3.29 for every dollar he’s paid.

- Michael Moore’s “Capitalism” has not been nominated for an Oscar. Apparently people in SoCal like their money…

- Michael Bay will NOT kill off Megan Fox’s character in “Transformers 3.” Because, what else is Megan Fox going to do?

- “The Howling” franchise will be rebooted. Yeah, that’s what I was waiting for… While you’re at it, can you bring the “Werewolf” TV series back?

Here is an excellent fan made trailer by Hawkeye Protagonist. Would you want the next Batman film to be like this?

CAPED CRUSADER aka SHADOW OF THE BAT Teaser Trailer for the Dark Knight sequel.

-Gotham is being overrun by a billionaire crime boss known as the penguin.
-A potential threat, known as Edward Nygma, battles with his own mind and the answer to “Why?”
-The key theme of Batman Begins was “Fear”, in The Dark Knight it was “Anarchy”. In Caped Crusader it’s “GREED”.

Starring:
Christian Bale as Batman/Bruce Wayne
Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot
Johnny Depp as Riddler/Edward Nigma

The poster is an old fan made one as well.