I have also been talking to Mr Super-Duper. Ok there is more to the Story of Mr Super-Duper apart from my blatant fanciness of him (lol) OK he is not a Victorious Virgin like myself. I have a bucket list and being a non-virgin is high on my list, Last year we talked about seeing that no-one wants me (and I fancy him) I was more than willing to let him take it. I mean he is hot, he is my Bestfriend, he is sexy and knows whats, what.

OK, I have talked to a few other people and honestly I am the only one it seems who is virginal and the question for me is: Do I really want to end up with a man who is a virgin and doesn’t know what to do on our Wedding night? NO WAY!

So question do we as Christians have double standards I mean most Christian women I imagine don’t want to marry a man who is a virgin… so in Order for them to be none virgins there have to be Some “loose women” somewhere who they are sleeping with. But the “Loose women” seem to be other Christian girls… and who end up getting Married. I am confused. OK I sound angry… There is more to this story….

So back to the story…

…Mr Super-Duper, then tells me about his 2 other girls who are his current friends with benefits and if I loose my VCARD to him I will be friends with benefits number 3. Ok you would expect I would get mad and sulk and not talk to him… but I just said well I won’t be stalking you or be a Psycho friends with benefits number 3!!! What is wrong with me? Clearly he is not so super-duper is he.

In my mind, sadly, shockingly I was thinking how great it must be to have 3 people of the opposite sex who are so willing to be your for all accounts and purposes “pretend girlfriends”… I WISH that could happen to me. I am a Christian why do such thoughts enter my mind… coz I am 35 single and I haven’t been asked on a date for like 9yrs any attention is better than none right.

For the past few days my mind has been filled with thoughts of the night we “get it on” making exciting plans hotels (Out of town (lol)), lingerie and the date I loose my V to my friend (who I really like/love). But now I’m not so enthusitaic. I kinda wanted it to be special. I know it can’t change him to being madly in love with me, but I have imagined that perhaps there is a connection there and that maybe he realise I am a great person to be close too. It might start him thinking about me as a potential someone. But truth is if he has 2 already what hope is there? I am just another conquest then…

By sleeping with him am I just settling? Or am I taking my future by the horns… I don’t care that he doesn’t want to be with me like in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, at least we can always be friends is that bad. Its not like I have other options?

DEAR GOD, I am fed up of being the one no-one wants when is Mr Right gonna come. You can do anything so just send him in 10mins. I know God you must think I am really strong that I have had to wait so long but honestly, I am not that strong. I really, really, really need to experience sex at some point in my life. But maybe you just need to calm my spirit, and get rid of the raging hormones that are driving me up the wall. HELP ME GOD PLEASE coz I don’t know what to do. Why do I like this person? Why am I happy to settle being friends with benefits number 3? Why am I not dateable… do I take up the offer of Mr Random? HELP… I am struggling here.

And in other news, John Legend is engaged… even more bad news I dreamt of being his Girlfriend and him falling in love with me.

COMING NEXT… Chapter 4: CHRISTIAN PORN STORIES & Chapter 5: MR SUPER-DUPER what happened next…

“The only positive side to single sexuality is not getting AIDS” (lol)

“Its not just doing without sex, have you noticed how singles never get touched? Its like living in a bubble of no hugs and no physical contact”

“Singles the childless ones get mocked at family reunions [or everyone tries to fix you up with the first single man they see coz they think its helping] or treated as though they are still teenagers. Promiscuos friends who break every Biblical rul in the book end up married with healthy children – God didn’t punish them. Singles see the Reasons for abstinence fading, as they arrive in their mid-thirties women See their fertile years fading into single digits and all the old arguments about waiting for God to bring romance don’t ring true anymore.”

From article: No-one wants to talk about it – Why are Evangelical Singles sleeping around By Julia Dunn

This is my very first attempt at writing a blog… Ok I tried others but I wasn’t as passionate about writing about myself as I am now!

So what is this all about? Well its about Sex, Love, Marriage, Relationships, or funny random stuff, from my perspective. My Perspective being that I am:

• Nearly 37,
• Single,
• Christian,
• No children,
• No boyfriend,
• Virgin
• Never been in a long-term relationship
• I want to be a Married, in Love, courting, non-virgin… (I am just being honest!)

My status my change in the process of writing this blog….(Pray it does) but these are the factors that my viewpoint comes from I write this blog from. This is a blog of my honest thoughts. As an Older Christian I just feel stuck that no-one ever discusses things really and I will be honest I am struggling with this. I thought it would be easy I thought all this wouldn’t bother me but I have good days, bad days and I am angry with God days. I’m just being real and I figured I would write this to help other Christians in similar situations that we could start frank and honest and sensible discussions about what it is like to be living like this. or maybe selfishly that this could be therapy for myself.

WHO AM I?

Well I will remain anonymous but there are a few things I want to point out about myself in addition to the above.

I want to get married, honestly I want to get me some sex… it looks pretty good to me and I never thought I would ever be able to admit this. Sometimes my hormones as going crazy and I have a whole load of questions about what is right and wrong for Christians in my situation… like?

RE: SEX

1) Is it really that bad for me a 36year old to lose my virginity it not like I expect to be with a guy who is a virgin…

2) How do I deal with my sexual feelings? Can christian singles use Sex toys?

3) Sex before married when I was 18-25 I got it but is is applicable now considering most people in the Bible got married in their Teens

4) How far is too far before marriage when your in your 30′s?

5) I just will have sex With anyone to get a baby? Is this OK for single, childless Christians over 35 when the biological clock is going into single digits?

6) Porn for educational purposes

RE: DATING AND MARRIAGE

7) Online dating?

8) What do we do to meet a suitable Partner?

9) Why don’t my Married friends ever try and hook up single People

10) Marrying just to get a baby

11) No Men in Church is Dating Outside ok (Evangelise-Dating)?

RE: CHURCH ATTITUDE TO SINGLES

12) I feel lonely in Church

13 ) Is the Single Ministry really helpful

14) Why to Church members always try to fix me up with any single man available because I am single (Its HORRIBLE)?

I am sure I am gonna have a load more questions too but these are the questions I have sofar.

There are two subjects that have a major impact each and every one of us on planet Earth which I believe we simply do not pay enough attention to when preparing our young for adulthood. One is money and the other is sex, this week’s topic.

The act of sexual intercourse is one of the most important in the entire animal kingdom. This, believe it or not includes us homo-sapiens, or human beings. It plain and simply keeps the human race on the planet, i.e. it prevents human extinction. Is there anything be more important than that?

Despite this profound, monumental and obvious fact, we have been socialized to treat sex as something bad. We were admonished not to think about it too much, to avoid talking about it in public, and for goodness sake, if you lose self control and feel you must do the nasty thing, at least be as discreet as you possibly can, then dutifully display the required feelings of guilt, regret and remorse.

Sex is an activity that everybody will engage in. We were built to be sexual beings naturally. In fact, sexual urges are among the strongest in the life of animals, at times stronger than the need for food or safety. Sexual expression will occur naturally and forcefully, and in humans is required both for procreation and recreation. This sexual expression engaged in without the necessary understanding of its possible consequences and outcomes can wreak great hardship on families, communities and the country.

 “Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime.”  ~George Bernard Shaw, 1944. 

Our educational policy makers have therefore erred by omitting instruction on the psychology and physiology of sex in the school curriculum.

Level with me now. What’s really bad about sex?

Clearly something is fundamentally wrong with our thinking where sex is concerned. Non-human animals appear to be wiser than the so called sapient ones are. When the time comes to mate, copulate, have sex, call it what you will, they simply do what is required and get on with their lives.

The male animal does not have to be married to his mate or promise undying love for her. He does not have to prove that he loves her for her mind and not just her body. He does his job and never seems to worry if he did it better than her previous mate. If some other female shows an interest, he satisfies her needs as well and everybody is happy. Very simple isn’t it?

The female of the species does her part in the act and is not bothered whether he will respect or call her in the morning or has sullied her reputation. The ram goat does not have to make sure the nanny is in the mood and it does not ‘kill the vibes’ if six Christmases ago, he referred to her mother as an ‘old goat’. The sex act with her does not debase, cheapen or leave her depressed that she is perceived as a walking vagina and was used merely as an object to satisfy his base desires. Sex to the animals, is just a fact and a part of life. We could certainly learn a thing or two about handling our own sexuality from our other animal friends.

Of course, I have to make it abundantly clear that I am not suggesting that we should pursue our sexual expression the same way that animals do in all respects, (although I do not know if that could not work). That is a matter that I do not have the training or expertise to address.

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:  One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell.  The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.  ~Butch Hancock 

We were lied to by our elders

Looking back at my childhood, I have had to come to the sad conclusion that the authourity figures in my life lied to me repeatedly and continuously. Incidentally, we were often punished for lying. Our parents, teachers and religious leaders lied. Those who did not lie overtly, avoided telling us the truth about our sexuality and led us to having guilty feelings about our sexual humanness. I learnt as a youth that even thinking about sex or innocently getting an erection was sinful. Needless to say, I ‘sinned’ frequetly.

Religious influence appears to be a big part of the problem. Here is why I think this way. Half a dozen generations ago, not all school age children had to go to school. They had to go church and Sunday school though. That was one of the requirements to be considered a decent God fearing person.

Most formal teaching for ordinary folk at that time was religious in nature. Also, most of our schools had their beginnings in the church. There is still tremendous Christian influence in our education system. Christian prayers are recited every day and religious education (read Christianity) is a compulsory subject in most schools. Just look at the names of several of our teacher training colleges and schools and you will see what I mean.

“Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.” ~Jim Morrison

The problem here though, is that Christian teachings tend to treat both money and sex negatively, as though they are sinful, evil and filthy.

Even married persons within the church experience discomfort when the subject of sex comes up for open discussion.

Our elders fared no better

Our elders scolded and rebuked us for being too preoccupied with sex. Truth is, If you dare to dig into the behaviour of earlier generations you just might find that:-

·       They were very busy, very early in life. Many had children out of wedlock and very early in their teenage years. Apparently not much abstention was being practiced then.

·       Both of my parents had children before they got married. Many of my peers have discovered similar behaviours by their parents

·       Male promiscuity was taken for granted. The Busha usually had several illegitimate children

·       Incest and infidelity was commonplace

·       Sex was good enough for our parents and elders, and we are here as living proof. I wonder if they thought we believed their stories of how we got here delivered by a stork, plane etc.

“Now, if groups like Moral Majority have their way, there won’t be any sex education at school, and our kids will be the dumbest in the world when it comes to sex…. But our parents are sexually retarded too…. Fear and primitive morals are creating a sexual pressure-cooker in this country and soon the top will blow…. Only in the U.S. do we find children drawing a picture of a baby coming from the clouds or from under a cabbage leaf.”  ~Floyd Martinson

Here are a few others concerns that I observed:-

·       Our elders enjoyed sex quietly and secretly. They never hinted to us that it is something we could enjoy too later in life, like they did and probably still do.

·       As children, if we were ever overheard discussing any matter of a sexual nature, we would find ourselves in trouble with the adults.

·       Our parents and elders had great difficulty and embarrassment discussing sex with us. They could not bear to utter out loud, words like sexual intercourse, vagina and penis.

·       As a child I never witnessed my parents showing affection and tenderness to each other. Certainly no kissing was ever done in my presence. The thought of any of the children ‘catching’ them in a loving embrace would embarrass them for life. It was not a problem though for us to observe them quarrelling and being unkind to each other.

·       We were not allowed to watch shows on television with kissing and love scenes. However, we could watch any amount of shooting, fighting and war shows.

·       I could only imagine what my parents looked like without clothes.

·       Many of my peers and relatives discovered menstrual periods and nocturnal emissions with embarrassment and shame. They were not prepared by their parents/guardians for these natural occurrences in life.

Due to their discomfort with, and inability to handle the subject of sex and sexuality, the persons who were responsible for preparing us for adulthood have done a poor job of preparing the next generation for this vital, necessary and important aspect of our lives. Rather than honestly and truthfully telling what they knew and experienced, they regurgitated what was considered socially and religiously proper. They used fear and scare tactics to attempt to keep us chaste.

Of course, these methods did not work and still do not.

 Sex Happens

Sex is a force of nature, and a powerful one as well. We cannot stop it from happening anymore than we can stop the rain or the wind. It is like aging and death. Once you are born, you are going to age and eventually die. The same goes for sex. Once you are born, you are going to unfold and express yourself sexually. You do not even have to plan it. Even when you are asleep, it creeps upon you.

Sex can and does happen every day, sometimes in bizarre and unexpected ways. It can happen:-

·       With strangers or people you are not in love with or don’t even like otherwise.  

·       With older or younger people

·       With people of different races

·       With people of the same sex (yes, homosexuality happens too)

·       At the most unlikely places and times, even in public or at risk of being found out and punished.

It happens, and we know it will continue to happen. So, why are continuing to be hard headed then? Why are we not helping our youngsters to prepare for this series of hormonal tidal waves that will surely overtake them?

Those who have prophesied dreadful consequences as a result of the greater sexual freedom which the young assert – unwanted babies, venereal disease and so on – are usually the very same people who seek the fulfillment of their prophecies by opposing the free availability to the young of contraception and the removal of the stigma and mystification that surround venereal disease.  ~Colin Ward, Anarchy in Action

The debate regarding whether to make condoms available to high school age children is a waste of time. It will not encourage them to have sex; they are already having sex so give them the damn condoms. It could save a lot of discomfort, inconvenience, money and even a life or two.

The withholding of condoms from prison inmates, fearing it will promote homosexuality among the incarcerated is a big joke. It is already happening, so that stance is nothing but pious and self-righteous hypocrisy. Sex in prison is happening and will continue to happen with or without condoms.

Any life saved will be worth the effort, so let’s put our pride and inappropriate beliefs aside and do what is necessary to deal with current reality.

The powerful sexual urge

When the urge for sex grabs one by the throat, it demands expression. The human animal will have sex one way or another, whether he is awake or asleep, with or without the ideal partner, with him or herself or even with an inanimate object.

We need to stop the lying, hypocrisy and idealistic wishful thinking and do what is required to help our young people to cope with the overpowering sexual urges that even mature adults struggle with from time to time.

For once you must try not to shirk the facts: mankind is kept alive by bestial acts. ~Bertolt Brecht

If we continue to fail them on this one, there will be unnecessary continued economic hardship for our country. Future generations will miss many opportunities for advancement and many will be retarded by blighted potential. There will be way too many unwanted children, poverty, illness, crime and many unnecessary premature deaths.

We already have more challenges than we can handle right now. Here is one that we can reduce, minimize and control with education and right action. Sex happens whether we want it to or not. When a tsunami is coming, we can either run to the hills or remain on the beach and pray that we will be spared.

The survival instinct is screaming “Time to climb”.  

Now that we have prayed long and hard, it’s time to take action and move to higher ground. To get to this higher ground we need to dispense with sexual hypocrisy once and for all. We must teach and prepare our people from as early an age as possible and throughout their childhood years, to handle and manage their sexual tensions and urges. I believe that this is one of the easier things we can do to create and enjoy a better quality of life in Jamaica, land we love.