As a guy I thought that the Mercedes GLK was a dope car. The crossover SUV was the castrated by a chick flick of epic proportions, Sex In the City. BRABUS knew everything the car was lacking and forged a slick body kit for a brand new look. Dope.

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“I like your top,” my friend Cy said to me.

“Thanks. It’s a skirt,” I replied.

“Yup. That’s my quirky girl,” M. chimed in.

I remember this conversation from this summer as I slide on a pair of Levi 501s that are older than I am and once belonged to my father. I’ve been wearing these “boyfriend jeans” with ballet flats for nearly 20 years—before they are made fashionable by Katie Holmes (and possibly her stylist).

Quirky. My fashion sense has been called preppy, classic, casual, even elegant, but quirky is the one I wear with honor. Granted, I’m not always wearing skirts as a top or a dress; most of the time I’m wearing a uniform of jeans, tank top, long cardigan and ballet flats. Looking back on my fashionable life I have definitely had my moments:

• My freshman year in high school I wore men’s boxer shorts with a kilt pin at the crotch. I remember the outfit perfectly: the boxers were white with red diamonds and I wore them with a red pullover sweater vest that I got at the Angel View Thrift Store with a plain white T-shirt underneath and white Keds (no socks of course).
• I wore a vintage white dress with a vintage black breaded cardigan to the first bar mitzvah I ever attended. I was 13, and this was before wearing vintage was cool.
• In college I wore a flowered button-up pajama top, which I had cut the collar off of, with jeans. I’m not sure anyone knew that it was part of a Victoria’s Secret PJ set.

When I look at my closet now, my favorite items could also by considered quirky: orange cargo pants, a brown and white Trina Turk caftan, a key hole halter top also designed by Trina Turk that I wear with a white tank top underneath, a khaki skirt that has a huge beaded white and silver starfish on it, a pair of navy shorts with embroidered white whales and skulls on them, mirrored silver Stuart Weitzman flats (that I happen to wear with all of the above) and gold flat gladiator-istic sandals that are embossed with lizard print.

Finally, I believe that my quirkiness was sealed when it was en vogue to compared your group of friends to the characters in Sex in the City. My friends deemed me Carrie-esque.

“Because I’m the writer,” I said.

“No, because you’re quirky like her,” they replied. I’m happy to join the company of Diane Keaton and the aforementioned Bradshaw. Otherwise, I might blend in too much.

Quando eu e o Fil abrimos o tema do Top 5 dessa semana para sugestão de amigos existe sempre o perigo de você não saber nada do tema, ou simplesmente não conseguir fazer nada interessante dele. E guess what? O tema dessa semana é casamentos em séries, o que é um ótimo tema pro Fil, mas “péssimo” pra mim já que eu sou quem eu sou, a pessoa mais mal humorada e menos-sunshine que conheço. Ou pelo menos brigo pelo posto. Então vamos ver o que eu consegui tirar da cartola dessa vez:

5. Dexter e Rita (Dexter)

Desde a primeira vez que vi Dexter eu entrei no clima humor negro da série e nunca mais desgrudei. As duas primeiras temporadas foram excelentes e me fizeram dizer que a série era a melhor das que estavam no ar. Depois veio a terceira e quarta temporada, que perderam um pouco o fôlego, mas não deixam de ser divertidas e bem boladas. No final da terceira temporada Dexter finalmente resolveu levar ao altar sua namorada Rita, que assim como ele mudaram muito ao longo da sério. O casamento foi imporante porque mostrou que Dexter está realmente tentando ser mais humano: se apegar as pessoas, ter sua família, blend in, ser “normal”. E ao mesmo tempo, mater seu “lado negro”.

4. Charlie e Kirsten (Party of Five)

Antes de mais nada quero esclarecer que não se trata do casamento per se dois dois personagens que só realmente aconteceu na 5ª temporada (ou algo assim). O casamento a que me refiro aqui não chegou a acontecer, já que Charlie surta e deixa Kirsten esperando no altar. Escolhi o não-casamento porque foi muito marcante, muito dramático, e teve uma ótima atuação do Matthew Fox. Obviamente eles voltam a ficar juntos depois de algumas temporadas, mas nisso a Kirsten ficou piradinha da cabeça, coitada. Viu, eu não sou uma pessoa muito happy-go-lucky, aposto que no top do Fil só vão ter casamentos legais e felizes…

3. Margaret Sterling e um fulano ai (Mad Men)

Pra vocês verem como esse tema não é minha especialidade eu escolhi o casamento desses fulanos ai que nem fazem parte da trama realmente importante de Mad Men. Então o que fez com que ganhasse o bronze? Os pequenos detalhes escandalosos que fizeram parte do evento como um todo: primeiro a morte de JFK impediu que 90% dos convidados comparecessem a festa, Roger Sterling fez um discurso pra sua ex-mulher enquanto a atual ninfetinha assistia o funeral do presidente na tv, e o mais importante, Bets definiu ali o destino do casal mais pop da série. Foi um bafão só, mas como tudo em Mad Men, muito por debaixo dos panos da vida perfeitinha americana. Um excelente episódio, e um casamento que deu o que falar.

2. Miranda e Steve (Sex and the City)

Eu adoraria dizer que isso foi idéia minha, mas nem. Foi total o Fil mencionando que ia entrar no dele e foi ai que eu pensei “vou roubar sua idéia, escrever antes e fazer todo mundo pensar que ele que me copiou!” (rs). E o pior é que eu pensei nesse casamento, mas não consegui me lembrar do que realmente acontecia no episódio. Isso que dá ver a série inteira numa só tacada, e agora que comprei o box completo vou ver se aproveito pra rever e memorizar mais os detalhes. Eu não ia colocar porque não lembrava que era nesse mesmo momento que a Samantha contava as amigas que estava com câncer. Foi realmente um momento muito tocante, principalmente porque reforçava aquilo que Sex in the City sempre proclamou: que amizade está acima de tudo.

1. Ross e Rachel (Friends)

Eu pensei em usar o casamento do Ross com a Emily e o famoso “I take the Rachel”, mas como o Fil já mencinou esse outro casamento em top, e eu nem acho “oh” o casamento da Monica com o Chandler, resolvi colocar Rachel e Ross em Vegas como meu número 1! Afinal, o que é mais o meu estilo? Um casamento fofo, com discursos pra choradeira, e bla bla blas, ou um casamento de amigos bêbados, com as caras todas rabiscadas, em Vegas (Vegas baby!)? Exato, eu sou esse tipo de pessoa.

E assim termina meu Top 5 Casamentos em séries. Espero que não tenha ficado muito chato, mas eu realmente sou péssima nesse assunto. Vamos esperar o do Fil que com certeza vai ser muito mais divertido que o meu, acreditem…

from http://geektyrant.com/:

This new Amy Heckerling film is the last this we need to see get made. Heckerling made classic films such as,Fast Times At Ridgemont High and Clueless. But this next project she is writing and directing sounds pretty awful. Here’s what the movie is about.

The film will be a modern-day tale of two young female vampires living the good life in New York until love enters the picture and each has to make a choice that will jeopardise their immortality.

So there you have it! That my friends is Sex in the City with vampires, and the last thing we need right is another weak-sauce vampire film. This whole vampire movie phase is getting out of hand.

Actress Krysten Ritter will take on one of the female leads and additional casting is underway. This will mark the first feature starring role for Ritter, who most recently appeared in Confessions Of A Shopaholic and will next be seen in DreamWorks’ comedy She’s Out Of My League.

Production is set to start in March 2010 with Red Hour Films.

Ayumi - Patricia Field Stylist

FABULOUS…yes..thats the perfect word to describe Ayumi, Hair and Makeup Artist at Hello Beautiful Salon-House of Field (located at 302 Bowery, NYC) on the lower level of the Patricia Field Boutique. What a jem of a salon. We felt as though we had entered a secret passage to hair & fashion heaven! Millie and I had sooo much fun talking with her. She is a totally wonderful looking, Japanese import who has been working there since 1993!

It didnt feel much like an interview because shes so humble and easy going…oh and did I mention the woman is a total fashion forward, hair guru, from head to toe. I mean from her impeccably done hair and makeup to her Vivienne Westwood heels…I wanted a full hair make-over-the-top on the spot!

As if we were not gagging at how much we loved her, Ayumi is Patricia Field’s personal hair stylist (I know…AMAZING… THE Sex in the City stylist is Ayumi’s client) and has a full list of other celebrities and music artists…including the Wonder Girls, and yeah remember Deee-Lite, groove is in the heart… I mean the list goes on. Ayumi says many people come in to see her for her cuts & colors (her specialty), they also go to Great Lengths for her great extensions. Umm yes, longer hair is always better, my opinion anyway ADM (Aye Dios Mio) I am out of control!

Ayumi is inspired by traveling, music artists and working inside of one of the most cutting edge fashion hubs in NYC, HELLO Patricia Field people. When we asked about the latest hair trend everyone was asking for in the salon-she responded by saying that all of her clients are so different and unique. No boring, cookie cutter stylist here We heart her and know you will too…

P.S. If you mention our blog you’ll get $10 off your 1st appointment!!! We totally fell head over heels for AYUMI!!!

Call 212-925-2741 to make an appointment and check out www.patriciafield.com for more info.

Adoro a los guionistas americanos

-¿Cómo, una tía que escribe una columnita semanal (aunque lleve la palabra SEXO en su titulo), puede comprar en Prada, y yo que trabajo mucho (pero mucho más) solo soy admitida en el H&M?

- ¿Por qué cuando ponía copas nunca se plantó en mi barra  un vampiro con pinta de nordico a pedirme sangre fresca, y mucho más…?

- ¿De donde sacan a los que limpian esos hoteles?,  si alguien te mata aqui en el hostal lola, habría pelos de todos menos del asesino.

- ¿Por qué los Heroes que encuentras en los B&B londinenses nunca se parecen a mohinder?

- ¿Por qué mis sueños nunca resultan premonitorios y se cumplen de una vez?

- ¿Por qué resulta tan dificil perderse?

Con tanta serie lo único que me apetece es dejar de ser un personaje real… me iría mucho mejor. Mientras lo pienso me pondré algún episodio de Doll House.

M.

I’m sure Samantha would have loved this, because this means there would be new people for her to sleep with. So, getting aboard the never-ending vampire train is Amy Heckerling. Yes, the chick who did Clueless and Look Who’s Talking This time the Heck will lend her expertise to Vamps. Reportedly the film will be a modern-day tale of two young female vampires living the good life in New York until love enters the picture and each has to make a choice that will jeopardize their immortality, according to Screendaily.com.

Sounds not that terrible, if done properly. I’m getting a little vamped out though, at least with these Twilighty, teen aghasty melodramatic stuff kicking around out there.

Adoro a los guionistas de las series americanas , hacen mi vida mucho más sencilla:

- No me pienso deprimir porque cogieras la puerta y te largaras, siempre es preferible un portazo que un post-it  por mucho SEXO en NUEVA YORK con que lo acompañe.  Puedo presumir, al menos  por ahora,  que existe una forma  de plantarme que no han usado conmigo aun.

- Todo se cura con cama y  SANGRE FRESCA ( a libre interpretación si sigo hablando de Carry o he pasado a TRUE BLOOD)

- Se acabaron mis dudas de como cometer el crimen perfecto, según mi personaje fetiche de CSI, no existe el crimen sin testigos, el asesino siempre lo ve. Y aunque no lo sepan, yo tambien y aprendo …

- Despues de cientos de teorias descabelladas, y duras investigaciones buscando su fuente de alimentación (por si era una autómata) comprendí cómo el portero indú del B&B más cutre de londres, aguantaba día tras noche, noche tras día sin moverse de la recepción… un HEROE .

- Existe el amor verdadero, lo he visto en la tele, ese en el que tu media castañita te quiere, aunque no le dejes dormir, aunque tu exnovio muerto deambule por tu pasillo y aunque tus adorables retoños hayan salido unas MEDIUM tan coñazo como tu.

- Según el traductor simultaneo de COMO CONOCí A VUESTRA MADRE, puedo definir alguna noche, hasta ahora indescriptible, con la elegante frase “Fui una chica UHHHHHHHHH, con algún bocadillo de más”

Y menos mal que aun no me he enganchado a PERDIDOS, porque ya ando bastante confusa…

M.

Quick quiz:

What do Draper and Thorpe have in common?

a) Both have the first name Dorothy

b) Both have designed Hollywood Regency pieces highly coveted by collectors

c) I have recently found pieces designed by both (one at a thrift store and one at a yard sale)

d) All of the above

In case you haven’t figured it out, the correct answer is “d”

So, what did the Dorothy deities bestow upon me, you ask?

First there’s the Dorothy Thorpe lucite and chrome candelabra I found at a yard sale for a couple of bucks.  Actually, I have to give my father credit for this one, as he spotted it before I did.

Dorothy Thorpe Candelabra

Long story short, I sold it on ebay. 1 week and 19 bids later…drum role please………. $330.00

The second item, may be even better than the first. A Dorothy Draper Espana three drawer  chest.

Dorothy Draper Espana Dresser

Mine is white with gold accents and the brasses need to be cleaned up. It is not a Heritage Henredon version……but still a good score.  The prices these go for on 1stdibs (even painted in funny colors) is INSANE.

Haven’t yet decided whether to sell or keep it.  Once my wife finds out that they made an appearance in Sex in The City, I have a feeling my white Draper chest might not be going anywhere.

My Sex in the City Moment©

How hard can it be to find the right man? I mean really, why are we so picky? Why do their little habits annoy us so much? Is it them, or is it us? “Self,”

My dating history has been…average.

Some Highlights (A.K.A. “low-lights”):

Boy #1) Great guy! We adored each other. We could talk on the phone for hours at a time, stopping only when the familiar refrain of “You’re running up the phone bill!” appeared (courtesy of parents). Deal-breaker: He couldn’t kiss to save his life. In fact, it was so bad we’re probably just lucky it hasn’t taken one by now.

Boy #2) Fun guy! I was his first girlfriend but he was hunky, tall, built, French AND English, and an Olympic fencer. He moved really slowly, which is just what I like. I like to build a friendship first. Deal-breaker: His other ladies and lax dental hygiene. He didn’t cheat on me, but he would talk about his mom, friends, sister, MY FRIENDS all the time. I was left with the constant urge to say, “remember me!?” Also, the fact that you have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that you get to forget to brush your teeth. Come on people!

Boy #3) Sweet guy! Sweet guy also had ZERO dating experience. He’d call me several times daily, yet when we were together he’d have nothing to say. Whenever he walked me back to my door he’d say his good-byes and continue to stand there. After he left, you could bet he’d knock on the door again within the next five minutes. I was always left with the feeling that he called his mom after our dates, and he asked if we could schedule our classes together…ON THE THIRD DATE. Deal-breaker: Everything about him. That boy had to go.

“Self,” I say to myself, “I’m sick of dating inexperienced dudes who expect me to do all the work in a relationship.” I pleaded with The Power(s) That Be for a decent guy, with some experience and dental hygiene. If he happened to like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and other products of Joss Whedon, who was I to complain? I was sick of dating the safe guy, but I didn’t want a bad boy.

Then I get what I want. I get an experienced guy who’s been through his own dark times. He’s older and smart. He’s not a hunkity hunk, but he is pretty cute. He knows his way around both a kiss and a toothbrush. He wants to be with me, but not in a smothery way. He gets my jokes. He likes Joss Whedon. What in the name of high heaven could be the problem?

I don’t have an answer for that specifically. Welcome to my first, real-life dating dilemma. There doesn’t seem to be something wrong, at least nothing major, except for the fact that something’s wrong. I suppose it could be that we have no history.

The major vibe I’m getting right now is that, while it’s not his sole goal in life to get into my pants it’s definitely still on his to do list. This is the first time I’ve ever felt like I’m something a guy wants to conquer. Also, both he and guy #3 do this weird look that signifies that they’re about to do something romantic. I suppose Boy #1 did the same “I’m staring deeply into your eyes” thing, but that’s because he loved me. Or maybe I just bought it because I loved him back. I think it must have been some combination thereof. But with Boys #3 and #4 It’s like they’re imitation their concept of love.

Also, I’ve seen Boy #4 talk about previous girlfriends and I’m not a fan of how he talks about them. He’s not mean, but they have no names. They’re “my ex” or “my last girl” or some such thing. Never, “this girl I once dated” or (god(s) forbid) her name!

I feel this weird pressure to do things that I’m just not ready to do and that I frankly won’t be ready to do for a good long while.

I’m probably the only person I know who has chosen abstinence for reasons that aren’t religious. I’m just too highly motivated to deal with the downside of sex right now. I have goals and ambitions and a deep desire not to get pregnant or infected with HIV/AIDS right now. I know: “use a condom,” “take birth-control,” and “get tested.” But I’m still hearing, “only 98% percent effective,” “putting it on wrong,” “wrong results.”

I have no plans to be celibate for the rest of my life. I don’t even plan to wait until marriage. But is it really such a crime to want to wait until I’m both in love with a guy and have a degree? I think not. Are the only people who wait losers, geeks, and religious freaks? Again, I’m sensing misnomer. Is sex really so important that it has to occur within a certain time frame? Puberty and menopause are the only relevant time frames that come to mind. Most importantly, is a relationship only a relationship if there’s sex? If so, then why is it me who has to sacrifice my safety? If not, then what’s all the hubbub about? I’m just selective with my partners, and I’m putting my foot down. I’m responsible, not a future spinster. I’m motivated, not a ball basher. I’m a woman, not a blow-up doll. I want to have kids one day. I’d be a kick ass mom, but that day is not anywhere close to my near future.

I’m re-evaluating my image of the perfect guy (while noting that this is subject to change): All of the above requests are still valid. Also, a guy with a similar background (in terms of political views and personal values) is a must. A guy that cares about the people in his life, but wants to make room for me is preferred. Someone with siblings would be sweet. Someone older, but not in a creepy way. Someone who knows what he could have (sex, sex, and more sex) and has had it before, but is willing to wait for me to be ready, no matter how long it takes. I want a friend who’s my boyfriend, but different. It’s vague, but it’s true. Is it really that unattainable? I doubt it.

But I am really finally seeing why finding the right guy is so difficult. It’s the same reason that people want to have sex before they’re ready. It’s so hard to date anyone. And by that I mean that the majority of people you’ll date aren’t actually people; they’re manifestations of what people expect they should be: whores, players, good girls, bad boys, and the one’s your mom will love. When you finally do find someone who is willing to stop acting, there’s the whole matter of deciding if that’s what you want from a guy. It looks like I’ve got a whole lot of work ahead of me. When practicality becomes, a view that’s “so romantic that it’s unrealistic,” then I entreat society to re-evaluate its expectations and stop expecting me to change mine. All I’m expecting is good people behaving sensibly. It’s really not that romantic.

So my answer to the giant question mark that is the world of dating is: It’s not me, it’s you.

During the holidays, charcoal is a spice in my house.   I don’t remember who told me that charcoal was good for your intestines while I was growing up, but it has stuck with me into adulthood.  In my family we get food cooked well-done a lot, which means that the charcoal spice is delicately flavoring every piece of food that we eat (having been grilled – or cooked on the stove.)

I think charcoal became my favorite spice when I had to start cooking for a family.  I had trouble multi-tasking the schedule while watching my children do their homework and cleaning up as I went.  My mom-friends remind me that charcoal is a carcinogen and I probably should try to stop using it so much.

I think I would use it less if  I could store my sweaters in my oven as Carrie Bradshaw does in Sex and the City.  I’m pretty sure that would solve my spice problem and give me more room for my clothes, et, al.  However, having a family that likes to eat definitely makes that a no-no.

The next time your dinner turns out well-done and has a bit of charcoal on it do what I do, call it a spice, tell your family that it’s good for your intestines and go with it.  They might like it but if they don’t just scrape it off for them, it is a very versatile spice.

Happy Holidays – Spicy or Not – You are the Boss.

Jimmy Choo Jedd Ankle Boot

Open-toed boots.  Seems like an oxymoron to me.  This pair of Jimmy Choo boots will set you back $1250 at Saks .

This afternoon I caught Oprah’s big shoe episode and I just had this expectation that Oprah would call someone out on the silliness of the open-toed boots.  She lives in Chicago after all.  But no, not a word.  They were trotted out as one of the big trends of the season.  In fact, the expert pointed out that these could be “age-appropriate” as she showed them on a woman in her 50s.  Of course she was wearing dark toe nail polish–it’s open-toed after all.

You might think it’s twenty degrees outside, I’m wearing boots–so I could put on a pair of tights, no?  NO.  Open-toed means just that–of course you’re also suppose to wear leggings (no matter what your legs look like) but you have to be sure that they are toe-less leggings so that your dark colored toe nail polish can be seen.

I really love many things about this show.  Oprah has made it really cool to read and discuss books– think about the number of people who have done that. She’s made a whole host of taboo topics – speakable (domestic violence, bodily functions, incest, bra fittings).

So I was disappointed today.  The only “true that”  remark was that many of the shoes being shown required a cab or car service.   Oprah looked somewhat embarrassed by the doctor giving walking lessons in stiletto heels.  It was really odd.  (I know we all like Mad Men, but I thought these types of womanly lessons were behind us.)  And Oprah did own up to the fact that she carries her high heels  down to the studio. Anyone watching lately  knows that she is a sitting ad for Christian Louboutin (we can see their signature red heels when she crosses her legs).  Her admission today explains why the red looks unblemished!

In interest of full disclosure, I have my own collection of tv shoes.  Katie Couric led the way on the Today Show for wearing really sexy shoes.   There are articles dedicated to her great legs and shoes.  In some ways she made it acceptable for smart women to wear sexy footwear on air.  I can’t remember one pair of Jane Pauley’s shoes, can you?

I walk through many of these shoe departments now and just laugh.   I keep waiting for some group of women to scream “We won’t take it anymore!” I love high heels as much as the next shoe-obsessed American woman, but  have we gone too far? We talk about encouraging positive body images with our girls (e.g. Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty), but somehow that all goes out the window when we get to the shoe department. The higher the better.  (After all, SITC’s Carrie Bradshaw really can’t kiss Mr. Big without her signature Manolo Blanik.) All of our advances at the work place, for equal pay, breaking the glass ceiling…have no sway in this department.  Maybe we think we need the spikes to break the ceiling.

I wonder who designs the “guaranteed bunyon-producing, can’t-walk-to-the-car,  five inch heel stilettos”  anyway?  Could  he be related to the person who designed the mammogram machine?

Actress Sarah Jessica Parker has some fruitful fragrance ideas for 2010. Her personality reveals the new fragrance for women due to launch February 2010, SJP NYC. It ruptures the urban New York cityscape while channelling Sarah Jessica Parker’s Sex and the City character Carrie Bradshaw. Perfect!

Sarah Jessica Parker commented about SJP NYC perfume for women saying, “A large part of the inspiration was what I now understand to be people’s impressions of seeing Carrie Bradshaw walk down the street and what feelings that evokes for her and for them — a real sense of freedom and possibilities, a love for the city around her and, of course, fashion,b ut the most surprising aspect [of SJP NYC] is the strawberry note that looms nicely at the top of the fragrance,” Parker continued. “The reason it surprises me is because I have this idea in my head that strawberry is very youthful and juvenile, but this fragrance doesn’t smell candy sweet. It amazes me that this essence of strawberry mixes so beautifully with the more sophisticated floral notes and the musks that I love and will always have as part of my fragrances. In a million years I would never think, ‘Let’s work around strawberry.’”

Top

Italian mandarin, White Osmanthus, Wild Red Strawberries

Middle

Gardenia, Honeysuckle, Mimosa, Red Rose Damascene

Bottom

Sandalwood, Vanilla Absolute, Rum, Creamy Musks

Perfumer Honorine Blanc of Firmenich has created a carefully blended fruity-floral; a fragrance from the heart. SJP NYC is ment to represent Carrie’s closet. The many personalities of a women. It mimics the femininity of a New York City woman; vibrant, heavenly. SJP NYC perfume will be available in a fashionable bottle colored with zebra stripes and colorful paisley pattern; chic, modern. It’s wild, desirable - Sarah Jessica Parker will sparkle this upcoming Spring 2010 with the release of SJP NYC Perfume for Women!

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Occupation:  Financial Services

Age:  Mid 20s

How we met:  I picked him up at a free liquor party

I met Mr. Cigs and Bigs (he’s a big man w/ some man thighs) at one of those free liquor parties/concerts that are thrown just about every week in the city.  I saw this big, buff, chocolate black man w/ man hair standing all by himself enjoying the show, so I decided to swoop down on him. When I’m in the mood to meet men, I usually get their attention in a number of ways….on that eve, I used the bump/coy/pay compliment move.  I pretended to bump him, and then I gave him a compliment on what he was wearing.  Men like it when you pay them compliments.  This dude has a mean suit/tie game.  I always appreciate that.

It is true what the older women say, never really make the first pass at a man because it throws the whole balance off.  If a man doesn’t come out of the gate in pursuit of you, its hard to ever really recapture that energy.

To set up the date, I texted HIM and set something up for that week…I even picked the place for us to meet (a cigar bar).  On the day of the “date” by the early evening I hadn’t heard from him–which was ok because I was clearly in pursuit of him.  I know from all of these years of dating in this jungle that if a man is interested in me, he will send a message on the day we’re supposed to meet to confirm (this is what I know for sure).

So, we finally end up at the bar, and when he walks in..I’m like “damn, he’s still fine like I remember, this could be a woman down situation”.  As the evening lingered on and we smoked, and drank and smoked and drank…wine…I found myself loosening up and inching closer and closer to him–coyly playing with my hair, unzipping my jacket, letting him see a bit of exposed thigh, gently touching his thigh, his arm, his face in conversation.  I was horny.  Not going to lie. And in his maleness he sensed that.  (Wise dating rule, don’t go on a date when you ovulate, things could get hairy)

He excused himself to go to the men’s room, and I got on the phone w/ the BFF and exclaimed the words that most women know on initial contact with a man “um…he can get it, any way he wants it”… We giggled and giggled until he came back.

However.

As the evening wore on, my mind found itself–wandering off.  I couldn’t believe it.  In all of his early 20something chitchatter he was unknowingly talking himself out of the cooch, and turning me off.  Ugghhh….

The topics of discussion (money, cars, clothes) started making my eyes glaze over.  I just couldn’t believe it.  Here was a real live man turning me off with his talking.

We hopped in a cab and headed towards my apartment.  I was slightly confused because he stays in another borough (not even close to my apartment).  So I asked… “Um, where are you going”… He said he was going to see me home, and take  the train from there.  I’m like I bet…he’s waiting to see if I am going to invite him up.

When we got to the lobby of my building, I gave him an awkward hug and bid him good night.  I know my horny woman signals probably confused him, but again…this ain’t sex in the city, and we don’t do one-hitter quitters on 31dates.  He’s fine, but he ain’t that fine.

After it’s all said and done, if he stops his chit chatting and if he sticks around for a while, he will most likely win.  All 4 bases. Score.

**this picture has nothing to do w/ this post…but I found it hilarious*

Boy, this dude here was a whopper

Occupation:  Entertainment Industry

Age:  Early 30s

Looks like:  Common, the rapper

How we met:  A hookup through a mutual friend

To honor our ‘no drama’ policy with these dates, I deleted this guy from my contact list after the first 2 times we attempted to link up the plans fell through.  It took about 4 attempted dates, 3 weeks and 10s of text messages before we actually saw each other face to face.  It was like we were already in a relationship before we even started.  All drama. (strike 1)  By this point, I was totally uninterested, but decided to go along and see what he looked like, and to get a few laughs and to relax.  I enjoy male company.

I arrived at a cute little bar down in SOHO…and he was running about 15 minutes late.

I was neither surprised or disappointed considering his track record.  Overall, the date went ok.

I learned that he’s a chronic weed smoker (strike two).  We chitchatted the whole night, and as he continued to play on his mobile device,…I watched him and smirked to myself.  I found my mind wandering aimlessly as he talked…I thought he sounded a lot wittier and cuter via text message (strike 3).  Compelling conversation and witty jokes can keep me mildly interested.  It doesn’t take much to wrangle me down…

Overall, he seemed like a dude I could put in my friend category.  He seems like he knows how to have a good time, but I’m off the dudes who smoke all of that weed in their 30s.  Its just a sign of immaturity to me.

I found this article rather delightful….

I’ve definitely been on both sides of this coin…

This is a story of Boy Meets Girl…of the fabulous start to a More-Than-Just-Friendship…of Girl’s gift for soul-searching, Boy’s need for soul-mating…and the inevitable heartbreaking ending. It’s a simple story that you’ll recognize instantly if you’ve ever been its male lead: if you’ve ever loved a lovely girl who lost that loving feeling. I tell it not to taunt you, Boy, but to reveal your error and to spare your kin. For it’s not that “she’s not that into you.” It’s just that she’s that into everyone.

[ The Story ]

1.

Boy meets Girl where boys meet girls: online, in a bar, at the gym, through a friend. He finds her cute, but it’s not love at first sight. No. It’s love at first conversation.

Boy takes Girl out, or calls her up—and just like that, they start to talk. And talk. And talk. The place shuts down, the park clears out, and still they’re talking. It’s almost like they’re doing a dance, flowing seamlessly from this to that: his parents, his friends, his ex’s, sex, his job, his dreams, his insecurities.

Hours slip by. Confessions slip out. Boy hasn’t once checked his iPhone clock. He’s found himself feeling remarkably clever: interested, and in equal measure, interesting. Girl bobs and weaves from witty banter to searing insight to sexual innuendo, every so often giggling with the levity of a child. Boy shares things about himself he’s never shared with anyone. About which Girl makes cogent comments so dead-on they scare him.

By the time they stop talking he’s raw with exposure. Tingling all over. Brimful and spent. Boy has no idea WTF just happened, but he wants it to happen again.

And it does.

Big Conversation #1 is followed by Big Conversations #2-20. The more Boy talks, the more Girl listens. She gives advice. She understands. It’s like she’s Boy’s very own little personal Oprah in drawstring scrubs and a wifebeater.

Before Boy knows it, he’s calling Girl daily. Texting, e-mailing, IM’ing from work. He’s never met a girl this witty, deep, and/or down-to-earth in his life. It’s almost like she’s not a girl (besides her wildly-increasing good looks). She swears like a trucker, jokes about sex, and eats him under the table. Soon, he can’t stop smiling around the office, remembering something she said last night. He’s catching himself doing the little things she says he does (e.g. avoiding confrontation, slouching). Somehow it doesn’t bother Boy that Girl makes a point of correcting his flaws. He finds the sharp tongue sexy, and adores the cutting wit.

See Girl, sexy.
See Boy, sprung.
It must be that he’s into her.

2.

Weeks pass. The magic doesn’t. Is this Boy’s soul mate? Could this be L***? Sure, they haven’t put a label on what they’re doing. But he’s a boy: he doesn’t need to. Sure, certain things stick out to him: (1) the majority of Girl’s “closest friends” are boys; (2) she never says whether she’s doing whatever they’re doing with someone else. But Boy doesn’t care. When he adds it all up⎯how well she understands him, how quickly they clicked⎯Boy knows Girl is something special. And, come on. Let’s be frank. Girl’s a girl. Eventually, she’ll come knocking on his door, asking for a commitment, as all girls do. He’ll just wait.

And so Boy waits.

And waits. And waits. And waits. His boys start to ask, “What’s up with your girl?” He scoffs at their chiding; they don’t understand. Boy has never felt so comfortable so soon with so sexy a woman in his life. Yeah, she’s a little skittish about commitment⎯but so is he, and all of his friends. It’s refreshing to have finally found a girl who isn’t trying to tie him down. It works. Girl doesn’t like to rush into things and Boy doesn’t want a relationship. If anything, he finds it funny how much her game resembles his.

She’s constantly using lines on him he swears he’s used on other girls, e.g. “Why do we have to define what we’re doing? We’re just having fun.” Indeed. There’s a bit of the pimp in this girl and he likes it. A bit of the player. The smooth operator. He’s amused by her coy-and-coquettish pretensions. He likes the way she flirts. Besides. For all her neo-Bohemian talk about “who needs labels?” and “we’re just friends,” Girl always sounds so happy when he calls, and is always so willing to talk.

He’s never met another person (boy or girl) this interested in him. Girl never stops asking questions or developing theories about Boy’s life. Everything about him fascinates her: his childhood hurts, his wildest dreams, his deepest secrets, his greatest fears—above all, his past relationships. Girl gets him. And she gets to him. He tells her things he’s never told. Something about her inspires his trust, and she rewards that trust with counsel. She admonishes him to be more courageous, encourages him to pursue his dreams, soothes his guilt, and echoes his conscience: You’re stronger than you know.

See Girl, believing in Boy.
See Boy, believing her.
It must be that she’s into him. How else does she do it?

Every so often she’ll look at him with eyes so clearly seeing that he’d leave the room, were the feeling of exposure not so oddly freeing. In Girl, Boy finds the unprecedented chance to show the self he knows the least ⎯ to tell the truths and be the things he hides the best and fears the most. In her gentle voice, Girl shines a light on the hurts of his past and his fears for the future, showing him what she sees in him: a wonderful, powerful Man.

It’s a wonderful, powerful (beguiling) thing: Girl’s singular gift for affirmation, the knowledge of what Boy needs to hear and the vocabulary words to say it. Every time Boy starts to heed his boys and believe that Girl’s not into him, they’ll have another tête-à-tête some five, six hours long. The night winds down, the sun comes up, and still he’s sharing, telling, talking⎯baring his frail and truest self for Girl’s most gentle purview.

How could she be faking it? There’s such a Deep Connection. It’s obvious that Girl is into him. She’s just afraid to show it. She’s been hurt before. She’s in a “difficult space.” She’s in “a complicated situation” (still). She has a needy ex. Her ex wants her back (who wouldn’t?). She is confused. She cares for Boy, but not “like that”—or so she says (as said, she’s confused). Girl doesn’t know what she wants right now. But Boy knows what she needs.

She needs to learn to trust again. She needs a source of stability. In time she’ll see what she has in Boy. And Boy will be there waiting. He will help Girl mend her fearful heart ⎯ the least he can do in return for her care. She will work up the courage to confess her love. He is certain already of his.

3.

Poor Boy.

Weeks pass. And with them, the magic. Girl and Boy fall out of synch. They still share private jokes, Pad Thai, a Deep Connection, and movie nights. They laugh and joke. She spends the night. He wipes her tears. She hears his cry. He does things for her (i.e. heavy lifting); she chooses things for him (i.e. flat-front pants). But he calls her once, and there’s a man in the background. When he calls her back, she’s too tired to talk. Something is changing with subtlety and suddenness, and Boy doesn’t know what it is.

Perhaps this is Girl’s moody side? The ying to her Kenzo-scented yang? Perhaps Boy is obliged to accept this second dimension, as Girl has accepted him. But the more he tries to accommodate Girl and her Friends-With-Benefits-In-Perpetuity paradigm, the more annoyed she seems to become, the more hostile even, confrontational. It’s almost as if Girl wants to provoke him, to get him to react to her (steadily-increasing) jabs. Soon the signs are obvious. There are other boys. Boy turns to his friends. They insist: she’s not that into him.

But Boy cannot accept this.

What about that First Conversation? What about their Deep Connection? Unless Girl is a sociopath, she must be feeling something. How could they talk for six hours straight if they didn’t share a mutual bond? Why did Girl spend the night last night if she doesn’t know what she wants? Why does she bother to affirm, to encourage, to admonish even⎯if she doesn’t care? How do you explain how Girl makes him feel, if she’s not that into him?

She’s that into everyone.

[ The "G" ]

Girl is of a certain type. Let’s call it the Type-G Personality. A Type-G woman (or, for simplicity’s sake, a “G”) is deeply fascinated by people. Gregarious, charming, and a consummate flirt, she is a student of the human being. Like a psychotherapist or a journalist, she loves hearing people’s stories. And how quickly she gets people’s stories out of them.

By the time you’re on your second drink, she’s already uncovered your parent’s divorce, your fifth grade crush, your ex’s faults, your early retirement pipe dreams. There’s just something about her that makes people talk. And talk. And talk. And she knows it. If you ever want make a “G” laugh, just ask her how many times she’s heard the words: “I’ve never told anyone this before, but…”. It’s pandemic.

When a man meets a “G,” he is instantly struck by her prodigious gifts of communication: how fluently she speaks, how comfortable he feels, how well she understands him. The net effect of this fluency is the sensation of connectedness. Men are constantly telling the (unsurprised) “G” how connected to her they feel. These men are not delusional; the G connects to everyone well. The problem is, the source of the connection is her⎯not him, or them.

If he’s never met a “G” before (or hasn’t read this article), a man can easily become confused by the way a “G” makes him feel. He’ll likely assume that what he feels is a reflection of her feelings for him, or the natural product of a very unique connection between them both. He is wrong. Both his comfort with her and her interest in him are expressions of her personality—namely, the genuine listening-and-understanding capacity and impulse unique to her kind.

[ The Misconceptions ]

Let us return to Boy and Girl (circa, “See Girl Sexy, See Boy Sprung”). The First Misconception of Boy is this: that his connection with Girl is unique. Boy believes, after Big Conversation #1, that he’s found a girl so into him that she’ll talk to him for hours and hours and do it again the next night. Boy assumes that Girl went home after Big Conversation #1 just as he did: amazed by their instant connection, aroused, and eager for their next interaction.

This, of course, is human nature: the benign assumption of shared sensation (i.e. ‘what is unique for me is unique for her’; ‘this is equally new for us both’). Of course, if Boy had posed better questions to Girl, he might have discovered that she was a “G,” a girl who makes most of the boys she meets feel charming, charmed, and talkative. But Boy didn’t really ask any questions. He was just so delighted to talk so freely, that he did just that, to Girl’s delight. And hence, the problem. They’re both delighted — for different reasons entirely.

Girl is delighted to hear a new story; she’s genuinely interested in people. Boy is delighted that Girl appears so genuinely interested in him. By the time Boy makes his own subtle probes and discovers Girl’s general effect on boys, he is so convinced of the novelty of their bond that he truly believes he is different.

Oh, Boy.

The Second Misconception of Boy is this: that he is The Exception. In fairness to Girl (and to “G”s more generally), Girl never lied to Boy. A “G” is always honest about her peculiar effect on people. But each man believes he is different from the last — and that he can make help Girl change.

Girl tells Boy she won’t commit, that they’re just friends, that she’s broken hearts. But Boy believes that time will prove him worthier than his predecessors. In a classic display of cognitive dissonance, Boy dismisses the warning signs. The facts tell Boy that this is Love: they talk all night, she understands. Girl tells Boy that this is Girl: she understands most people.

To reconcile the conflicting information, Boy asserts his individuality. He is not “most people.” He is different! And because he is different, Girl will change. Of course, it doesn’t go down like that. Girl doesn’t change; she just changes her mind. Her new mantra: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” And Boy starts acting…girly. He wants to know (he needs to know!) that he’s not just another notch on her belt. She wants to know where she can find a new boy. The one she has is too into her.

[ The End ]

Our story does not end well.

Eventually, it becomes evident to the “G” (and all onlookers) that her besotted friend-with-benefits is more into her than she is into him. Yet and still, he sticks around. This, she perceives as weakness. Weakness in others is a huge turn-off for the”G,” who fears weakness in herself (and requires strength from her partner). A “G” never tires of identifying her own flaws, or seeking out ways to fix them. But she is too hard on herself, and therefore too hard on others. Even those whose potential she extols.

And here’s the rub. The “G” has a great (and genuine) fondness for the potential of her romantic partners. At some point, she was either undervalued or misunderstood, and is sympathetic to this experience in others. This is why men find it so easy to talk about their past experiences with a “G.” The little defeats that men rarely confess⎯envy of an older brother, not making the varsity team⎯instill in them the same sort of disappointment the “G” has known and overcome. The “G” knows just what questions to ask and what kind of advice to give to get a person to see himself clearly.

But before she can be a lasting partner, the “G” must learn to see herself.

Stay tuned for the follow-up: How to See the G You’re Seeing. Hint: to love a girl a lot like this, you’ll need the gift of sight.

Hello my neglected blog. I do not have time to write a detailed article about the films and books I have read recently, so I am just going to write a couple of lines on the films and books I have watched recently…. as a way of reminding myself what I have seen.

District 9. This was a truly excellent film. The start was hilarious. It was a take on the Fly (which I have yet to see). Sharlto Copley as Wikus van de Merwe, had been picked out of obscurity and played his part brilliantly.

Surrogates. A good film, but not in the same league as District 9. Part of my problem with it was that the humans stay all day attached to a machine while their surrogate goes walk abouts. The humans should look awful and be incredibly stiff (when you get out of bed you need a bit of a stretch) when they get up. This problem was not addressed. It had some very clever twists and turns towards the end.

Sex and the City. This film was best for those who followed the original show. I never did, so I missed the references back to the original thing and it was praised for being faithful. It also contained porn, which at other periods which would be classed as obscene. However, it is almost impossible for anything to be shocking now. Other than that it was a fairly watchable sitcom. It perpetuated the same as usual myths about glamourised casual sex. It also contained a bit of common sense. Miranda nearly lets go of her husband for cheating “just once” as it keeps saying in the reviews. Just once is once too many and can let you catch AIDS or get someone pregnant. The point that was that she expected her husband to be the  greatest example of faithfulness, while she was only sleeping with him once every six months. The major underemphasised point was not that “it was just once”, but that it was at least half her fault that the “just once” occurred.

UP was great, heartwarming clever and beautiful. PIXAR stuff is really good quality (apart from Monsters vs Aliens!)

Final Destination – the original. Enjoyed it. It was a bit gory in places, but was worried it was going to be a lot worse from what I had heard. Clever little sick twists.

Frost Vs Nixon. My friend is a fan of Michael Sheen and now I understand why. Sheen made a better Frost than Frost himself.

I think that is it for the films I have seen recently.

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Think the original had Tinchy on it?!

feat. Janee & Double S …what u sayin?