And here’s the vid.  Enjoy!

Thanks for supporting Go Deeper Press. If you’d like to browse our erotic, sex-positive e-books for brain and brawn, you can find our website here.

I dunno about most of y’all but I didn’t get, “The Talk,” EVER, from Anyone remotely related to me. My family pretty much let me believe I was sent to them via stork, or magically erupted from a rock like the Tale of the Monkey King.

It wasn’t until I was 13 years old sitting in my Health Education class, when my Teacher gave me the 411 on how babies were created!

Let me tell you, I turned all shades of RED, and had so many un-askable questions and comments like:

 - You say women let men stick what into their what?! Is this all with their consent?!

- Is that what I look like down there! Why does it look like a gunshot wound?!

- If that’s what sex is, I have no idea why people do it!

- Why can’t girls have penises? (then we won’t need boys at all, they stink!)

- My mom and dad did what?!

- I’m never lending my pencil to a boy again, I might get pregnant! or Worse get an STD

- Are STD’s like chickenpox? Can I get it just from holding hands, cuz I just held Chris’s hand a few minutes ago…and my grandma is going to be pissed if  I go home with an STD

It’s been a month since I’ve been dating this new guy, and I believe that it’s going well. I really like him and that is kind of what scares me the most about it. Every guy I’ve every really truly actually liked, has never wanted me back the same way. I’ve grown used to rejection and being used, it just became normal.

But now, there is this guy who is wonderful, smart, funny, a gentleman; just pretty much everything I’ve been hoping for in a guy to cross my path. Not to mention he’s extremely caring… I’ve never had anything like this, so sometimes I don’t really know how to react to it. I like it, but at the same time it makes me really freaking nervous..

I’m trying to just enjoy it and go with the flow, and so far it’s not a terrible thing, but sometimes I hate not know where things are going to end up. How they are going to turn out, or what he wants from me. Maybe I need to just learn to let go. But I’m sure that’s a lot easier than it sounds.

Especially when there is one person that made me feel like shit for wanting to be happy. But I’m not getting into that, I’m just letting it go. So far though, like I said I’m pretty happy. And I will try to do more updates in the next week or so once I have time. So just hang in there with me 

Within a week of school starting, my excitement was replaced with shock when I saw the specific details about the Life Cycle of Humans within the Human Anatomy section of her study book.  Sofia and I have had lengthy conversations about very serious topics like death and social injustices, but none of them have been quite as personal.  It just seemed too early to tell her about menstruation, body hair and genitals!  Realistically, it isn’t too early; the National Vital Statistics Report, “Births: Final Data for 2010” reflects an age band of mothers who gave birth between 10 and 14 years old.

She has a timid personality, and this conversation could make her close her emotions up like a blue point oyster.  In truth, I was uncomfortable at just the thought.  As precarious as the situation was, I realized this was an amazing opportunity for more than just a single conversation.  This was a chance to set a compassionate tone with Sofia about our relationship in approaching life in any given situation.  I wanted it to be the beginning of an open dialogue between us where questions, feelings and even disagreement are welcome.

At bedtime one night in September of last year, I climbed into Sofia’s bed with her and the science study book. I shared my intentions with her about our relationship and the sensitive dialogue we were about to share. The first topic was about Reproduction: Producing Babies, and no part of the anatomy was spared.  I decided to keep it purely scientific and avoided how the egg and the sperm happen upon each other since the book generously left it out.  I went through everything in the section and in her eyes I could read her wish to become a magician and disappear. I took a little break and we spoke about things off topic.

My goal was to begin the dialogue and I wasn’t concerned if the delivery was perfect.  I asked if she would be more comfortable if we sat with our backs to each other, and to my surprise, she didn’t want to turn away.  The next topic in the study book was Growing from Egg to Birth and ultimately Death, and she was engaged and inquisitive.  Both of her grandfathers have passed, and she had a lot of questions about them.  The last topic of Puberty was enough to make her gasp.  She was most surprised that one day her body would look like mine and that she will have a period.

Together we made it through the start of lifelong positive communication about difficult topics.  When we were done, she couldn’t get me out of her room fast enough and I needed an extra long pour of cabernet. I haven’t decided when the conversation about sex and relationships is relevant, but I am certain it is not too far off.

Have a discussion with your partner about the amount of information and timing for the first anatomical discussion with your kids to make sure everyone is on the same page.  Keeping it purely objective should minimize the potential awkwardness, and an elementary science book is a great resource.

The key:  The innocence of a child is something to marvel.  In this fast-moving iLife we have to be their first teacher of important life lessons to ensure their perspective and behavior are honorable.

Trina M. Fresco, Vice President of Operations for the IT firm smarTECHS.net since 2007 and NBCLatino Contributor, was named one of “50 Powerful Minority Women in Business” by MEA Magazine. Fresco is the Chair of the Chicago Foundation for Women Investment Subcommittee and serves on a number of additional boards & committees. Fresco resides Chicago with her husband, George and their three children Sofia, Giana and Lorenzo. You can contact her at FrescoRealTalk@gmail.com or on Twitter @trinafresco.

Besides the usual inability for couples to discuss money issues, the trusty sex topic is often second if not first with most couples. If money is the root of all evil, what is sex or talking openly about sex? Do you feel that your communication with your significant other is strong enough to openly discuss a fantasy or maybe something you don’t like or do like sexually?

You should try it, it’s rather exhilarating.

Jason C. Jean

Margaret Thatcher, in her pearls. Photo credit below post.

First of all, erotic author Harper Bliss asked me some exciting questions this week.  To view the interview, which includes who I’d like to screw, why I dig Spike, and how I feel about coming out, visit her fabulous blog.  This is the first of Harper’s interviews with authors whose books she rates highly.  In fact, I’m honored that Harper says:

“I totally recommend every book featured on here.  Confessions of a Kinky Divorcee is a great start because it’s light, funny, utterly delicious and extremely well-written (and very, very hot!) You can get it for $1.99 (!) on Amazon US and UK and, frankly, it was the best $1.99 I spent in a very long time.”

Dear Harper, thank you.  Please know that *Lana Fox glows with pride.*

Also, on a very different note, you might be aware that Britain’s first female prime minister, Margaret Thatcher, died this week.  (Read about it at Salon.)  She was a domme, in her way.  And seeing as I’m a Brit who loves a bit of BDSM and now lives in Boston, US, how could I not comment?  As it happens, when I was a kid, I spent many unhappy evenings in pitch darkness because of Thatcher.  Why?  Because everyone who wasn’t dripping in diamonds was being treated so badly that they were on strike.  What’s more, Thatcher pretty much ignored them.

That said, I do often think of Margaret Thatcher as a tragic Shakespearian BDSM anti-hero, strutting around in her pearls and insisting that she could darn well run the nation as a woman, thank you very much.  And that was very important for us, as Brits.  To watch a woman in a world of men running the country as she saw fit.

Actually, in the film starring Meryl Streep (boy, that woman can act!), there is a wonderful moment where Thatcher, before she is voted in, is told by her advisors that she shouldn’t wear pearls.  They’re too femme, too delicate, her advisors say.  But Thatcher tells them, point blank, that pearls are exactly the tone that the Conservative Party wishes to strike.

So she wore those pearls and she ruled in those pearls.

And I sat in candlelight and drew bad pictures in crayon.

Photo credit: By White House Photographic Office [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Thanks for supporting Go Deeper Press by reading our blog.  If you’d like to browse our erotic, sex-positive e-books for brain and brawn, you can find our website here. And don’t forget to check out our current calls for submission!

The Free Internet

Even if I’m home with my parents, I’m usually home alone. And you guys know what happens, where to wander. YES that internet site. I’ve been looking for “How to do a BJ” or “BJ advice” and yes I came across with several advice. I often read the comments on what guys think about. Not having done such thing, I get frustrated when I think of doing it for the first time in a random guy I get to meet in a bar.

So there I search all the terms, if only there are tags that could go straight to such I must have done it. While searching and watching a couple of videos I get to touch on this site – youporn.com and got several real things in there.

At first, I was just watching, swallowing every detail of advice I could get. Until, oops, I’m wet. I was in the dining table when I was watching it but the wind got me to my bed and do a little lady jam.

All the moaning in the site, I could barely resist to do myself. I especially picked the one  with little stories such as a little credit for the teacher, office work, pizza guy and the secretary for I know these are the ones that I would enjoy but mostly for the part that I want to know how to start to heat up things as well.

The Human In Me

As much as I fought against my will to do this lady jam for I haven’t flicked the bean for quite some time (2 months at most – and I was proud) but these sites have brought me here. (And yes, I brought myself to this site)

I’m sorry I couldn’t resist removing my pants and moaning to myself, these pleasurable things are just hard to resist.

—-

I have yet to learn how to perfect things but then I realized having to talk about this with my guy friend. JUST DO IT. Nothing beats something natural, that which came from you. In watching these sites, I know I have lots to learn and seeing such would just be in my mind BUT it must be communicated by the body; otherwise, the knowledge of such thing remains in the intellect but not communicated by the body. That is why, I’d just hop in to every possibility once I get the chance to hang out with a flirty guy and just do it. Who knows how innate BJ is to me?

Yellow cover!  Kim Kardashian!  I don’t know what’s going on with her… lower garment!  I think Cosmo’s stylists are getting pretty desperate to make the 35,000-year-old concept of “wearing clothes” seem fresh and new every month!  Go ahead and trace a line from the center of Kim’s cleavage to the center of her neck and explain what kind of skeletal structure that implies!  Also please note that her arms are different lengths!

(I think what’s going on here is that they’ve Photoshopped away all creases and features on her neck, which makes the side of her neck look like the front.  And they posed her with both arms behind her so that her chest would stick out, but then her right arm looked wrong or wasn’t visible, so they pasted on a replacement arm.  Which would explain the surreal way her hand is interacting with her thighs.)

“I loved reading ‘Can Sex Make You Skinnier?’  The next time I had an intense carb craving, I marched right into my bedroom and pounced on my sleeping, unsuspecting boyfriend.  I’m thankful for my new weapon in battling bulge, and my boyfriend is too!  Thanks, Cosmo!”  – Sarah A., Nashville, Tenn.

I’m not, like, an expert in forensic writing analysis or anything, but I think Cosmo’s letters page is fake.  Just a hunch here.

Also I would prefer to not eroticize “pouncing” on “unsuspecting” people, but if I point out every time Cosmo does that, we’ll be here all day…

Within hookup culture on college campuses, dating is one of the most radical, nonconformist things you can do.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.  Yes, young people have casual sex.  No, the entire population between ages 16 and 26 is not subsumed into this boogeyman “hookup culture” where they’re all like “what is this Earth thing you call ‘love’?”  I would really like the media to get over this particular obsession already and move on to telling us that eating caramel leads to Satanism, or something.

Because our ancestors spoke with their bodies rather than language, we learn more from gestures than words when first meeting someone.  If he’s facing you directly, you have his full attention.

I don’t think we needed to invoke grunting cavemen to explain the concept of “people look at things they’re interested in.”

… I would also like to explain to Cosmo that all language is produced by the body.

Make him feel like a piece of meat: “It’s a huge turn-on to hear a woman objectify me,” 30-year-old Christopher says.  ”It seems simple, but it’s so powerful.”  Take his words to heart and don’t be afraid to tell your guy everything you like about his body or what he does that drives you crazy.  He’ll be obsessed.

That’s not what objectification means.  That’s not making him feel like a piece of meat.  That’s just sexual compliments.  Yeah, sure, it’s easy to say “I don’t know what those ladies are complaining about, you can objectify me anytime” if you think it means your girlfriend tells you you have sexy abs.  read more

ART: Ito Jakuchu

The Sex Dream

I didn’t know it was usual to have a sex dream until I have shared it to someone close to me and her opening up saying she has dreamed of someone she’s having sex with as well.

Y’know how hard it is for someone to remember a sex dream – I’d assume, or even a plain dream. You just remember the place, the act or maybe the person you’re doing it with.

As for me, I remember the quicky sex thing. I don’t know where we were but I definitely remember who I’m doing it with. It was I. I never really daydreamed of I when I see him in school. He’s got a nice body that could be seen even if he has his shirt on. Muscles on the arms would be a perfect fit in his muscle shirt. That inverted V shows through his shirt. I guess it would be because of his black belt in Taekwondo.

Anyway, many girls have their fantasies with that guy but nope, not for me. Maybe because he’s a friend but that’s not the point.

So, there I was sitting on a table, my hands leaning at the sides, a little parallel on my shoulders. Then “I” came at me grabbing each and every bone in my body. He’s in for kisses. I kissed back – heads turning left and right – I could even feel my head moing back and forth as he undresses me. I reacted with my hands grabbing his hair. He then leaned a little more forward making me lie on the table. I grabbed his legs with my feet and the kisses would go on. But after that I woke up, realizing it was just a dream.

The Daydream

I assume you guys would remember M. The guy from my previous post. He’s been messing with my mind for the past few days – clearly. And I’ve been wondering… would we be texting or sexting right now if I gave him a some blowjobs that night? And then every night before I sleep or every morning when I wake up thinking about M. I would always dream of the edited scenario in that bar where we hang out.

*the edited version (better read the original post entitled The Flirt first

So, when we were holding hands and teasing, he went to the restroom. I came along. We kissed a little but I was so nervous we’d get caught so I kissed my path to his pants and unbuttoned it with my hands. Then, I bit his boxers down and kissed the middle of his thighs. As I feel it harden a little, I put my mouth on it – did it a little slowly with myself careful of my teeth touching his peen. But as he moans, I felt so aroused that I went for more and as fast as I could. After minutes of the same style, I put my mouth out to go for kisses on his whole shaft. Making his cock more like a corn that I kissed it from end to end then lick my tongue over and over. When he was about to blow, I distanced myself and told him I don’t want that in me. Just to make him ask for more. Footsteps came down the hall so I tried to do a vomiting noise so they would not go to the same restroom we’re at. I let M go ahead then followed. I couldn’t help but wonder how the night would end but certainly I would not give it as frequent as he asks – just to keep him.

You could sense from my bad way of explaining that I have just read a horny magazine for a couple of times, I have NOT done a blowjob – or seen one. I had sex ONCE and I barely remember it (drunk and unconscious [read my post: The Lost V-card]). And yes, I’m just plain IMMATURE in this kind of stuff.

*photos aren’t mine (c) google images

So I was hanging out with J again in a bar and restaurant that was just across our school. She was hanging out with a newly found “friend” – L. They were hanging out with me. Talk about third wheel. Anyway, we had a three on three match with my friend and crush P together with his friends and my gosh we won (talk about luck and crushes).

Anyway, it was tournament night and I didn’t have a partner. The owner – E, hooked me up with his brother another J and I agreed. Besides, he’s the brother of the owner — I thought of being the champion that night. So I waited for the bracket and knew that another J and I will play against J and L. My gosh was I so worried.

The minute I stood behind the beerpong table, I smiled – excited for the tournament and confident with my partner (besides, he is very cute). I shot my first pingpong ball and it was a good shot, unfortunately another J wasn’t able to shoot. Three straight shots for me and three straight bad shots for him. And from then on, it was a bad play.

I had a stick of cigarette from my friend M who happened to be our next match in the loser’s bracket. And then we played against them and booyah to us again.

After the tournament, J and L seems to be playing so well so I distanced. I had nowhere to go. Another J seemed to be not interested so I went to my friend’s table – M’s table. I sat in their table which was composed of the whole drumline team (yup, those drummers by the bleachers) and some two freshmen girls (who I happen to know one of them). I don’t know what I did but the girls left leaving me with M and some 3 other guys.

The three guys kept on bugging M as they told him that his game was pretty bad (okay, not pretty — bad) and I was agreeing as I teased M that he was the worst player around. He, then, looked at me with a teasing “What did you say” sentence and tickled me as he shoved me with his other arm. I held his hand so he would stop tickling me but he was so good we ended up holding hands for real.

I know M. He’s that playboy that you meet in bars, tries to flirt with you, do some sweet and wild stuff and end up being nailed by him. But no, not to me at least. I admit it was a series of flirting that night and we even paired up for one beerpong game. We lost but it didn’t really matter. I liked his company, that’s all I care.

We sat a little and chatted then he insisted in bringing me home as he is bringing his teammate home as well (with his brother’s car – his brother and sister) My god! I got all weirded out by the idea. Specially when I started directing the way. Good thing, it was a short drive. I told him I’m good to be dropped by the gate – I wouldn’t want them to involve in such a hassle. Then, as I was about to get off, he stood (a little and I did too as S [his teammate] was in the middle – his right and my left) the we leaned for a cheeks to cheeks kiss with a little smooch. It was really close and it wasn’t normal for me to make a smooch sound while kissing cheeks to cheeks so I was like — I really liked this guy.

As I walked into our subdivision, I thought of how stupid the action was. Especially as I planned not to like him and just show him that was one night. So I put it in my head and yes I said JUST ONE NIGHT.

When I was done doing my siesta with my roommates, I got a text from him asking if I was home. Then after some more conversations, he asked me if I prefer a longer hair or a shorter hair, I said I prefer a rugged look which he said was more of an after-sex look. I teased him by saying: “So you’re always doing it, to achieve that look.” And he was like: “JUST THE LOOK, UNLESS YOU (that’s me) WANT TO MAKE IT MORE THAN JUST A LOOK”

The next day, the school has an event and I was very involved in the planning – and he was there with the guys to perform a little drumming.

I was backstage arranging some things when I heard a loud drum sound coming from the stage. AND SHIT. I MUST ACT NORMAL – I said.

I went out and kept myself busy when the project head approached me and said: Yanna, can you ask the Drumline if they’re ready? SHIT@#%^&*(. So I told her, yup they’re good and just concentrated on some other things. When I was posting some names for the reserved seating, M tickled me from behind. MY GOD PLEASE STOP ALREADY.

I told him I was busy. During the break, he invited me to go out for a meal. As much as I wanted to say yes, I said no. I had to change to my event planner clothes and I don’t think time’s enough for that. So we just passed the day by seeing each other, having small talks and that’s about it. After the event, he asked me if I’m going to the bar, I said I didn’t know. He told me, we should just text but no message.

It was me who never felt something the night we held hands. It was him who sent a post-drinking text. And it was him who was making moves in the event. But why the hell is it me who feel like I was left out? Is it because he wasn’t able to get what he wanted? I know it was just that that he wanted. Damn flirting methods he got there.

really want an Evoque next, for when I get kids but hubz gets vex when I talk like sex buts it’s just about cars, my mind is way too wild and fast, my iPhone functions won’t pass unless I upload the pictures on apps like this, memoirs of fun bits that keep me working forwards, driving further, active in stuff all worthwhile , props to nicely designed things that make me smile

Anywhoooo, we all know the furore that goes on with regards to the 90 day rule blah blah. Sisters up in arms at having Steve Harvey tell them to wait 90 days before ‘giving it up’. I also sang the same chorus with my fellow Miss Independent’s and thought how dare he police us on our kittys.

In hindsight I think I sort of get Steve Harvey. Now before you pounce on me, let me explain myself. While I may not wait 3 months as Steve Harvey suggests, I think sometimes we just do need to chill a bit and assess what we really want out of a hook-up with someone. We get so excited that we tend to assume, both parties want the same thing. The book is not solely about waiting to have sex, thats just a guidance. In essence I think he was more about preserving chivalry and romance in relationships. We are missing out on the old-fashioned ‘courting’. Our mothers had it right you know.

Nowadays relationships are all about not being outwitted as you try as hard as possible not to catch feelings. We are all about acting cool , calm, collected and in-control. Its all just about a shag, one night stands, sex buddies etc. As much as I have had strong physical attraction to some, sometimes I wish I had just waited a lil bit. Its not that I wasnt sure, but sex does tend to create expectations. We have all seen those ‘Its not love its winter/We are not dating, it was just sex’. Those phrases would never have been coined if sex didnt bring with it, its own baggage and expectations. Sometimes the sex is that good that you want more but you’re too scared to say incase its perceived as ‘catching feelings’.

Even with dates, when last were you were actually romanced or romanced someone? Those dates where you dress up, he brings you flowers, he picks you up, opens the doors, wines and dines you and takes you home. A date where you really just hang out and talk. Where a goodnight kiss is just enough. Some call it old school loving. My kinda loving this. Yes, Miss Independents like me want to be spoilt and courted too.

These days you’re not even allowed to show you care. We have BBM, Whatsapp and other messaging apps but we act all cool trying to ignore each other. When last did you receive/send a cute and cheesy message. We even have a term for that…MOIST. No guy wants to be perceived as being moist. Well, excuse you for being a human being with real emotions. I have sat with my girls debating if I should make contact or not. Have you avoided whatsapp just so you wont see when last a person was online? UrgghhhI hate that thing. One of my girls have gone as far as deleting a person off BBM just so they dont have that constant access. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Is it so wrong to like someone? If you really click and enjoy each others company, why this need to act cool and run away. Why are we depriving ourselves of good loving, great relationships and great sex? Human beings are weird.

Ladies, lets be honest, we lie to ourselves so much in pursuit of a relationship. We start to look for signs and over-analyse everything. You know there should be alarm bells the moment you have to do that and justify behaviour.

Goshhh how I miss going to the Drive-In and steaming up the windows, the drive home deciding if im gonna kiss a person goodnight, that flip-flop your heart does when you get a cheesy message. I miss being courted. I miss that nervous feeling at the pit of your tummy when you want to tell a person you like them or even hearing someone tell you how they feel. This dating game has just gone too complicated for a 33 year old like me. I miss the small simple things. I want the chivalry, the mental connections, the courting demmit. I want it all. Bring back romance in our lifetime please!

Let me quickly brief you on this radio show. Ndumiso Ngcobo a well known authour, columnist, radio DJ (his CV is much longer) has a show on East Coast Radio (94-95FM) on Mondays to Thursdays at 9-11pm called ‘The Campfire’ Its a talk show and Wednesdays is ‘Relationship Wednesday’. Thats where my partners in crime Phelo (@MsGivenchy), Dineo (@Simply_Dineo) and I (@buliebabes) come in. Every second Wednesday we join him as guests and talk about my favourite topic, Sex and all the things your Momma never told you about. We have nicknamed the show ‘The Harem’ with Ndumiso hosting us 3 ladies etc, much like a ‘Charlie’s Angel’ setup except we kickass with mics and giggles.

I remember being so nervous before the first show, I must have downed 2 glasses of wine in less than 30minutes. Ndumiso was a really great host and the 2 hours flew by so quickly. I was in my element, doing what I love best…talking. In a blink, it was over. Discussing sex on radio especially as a young black woman is never easy I must admit. There are already misconceptions that are built around your character. Oh and let me fill you in on this, my father is a staunch Baptist minister and I’d die if he were to find out. He travels a lot to KZN and Im hoping (and praying hard) he never comes across the show. Discussing sex while your father is listening in, is as bad as those raunchy sex scenes while watching TV as a teenager with your parents. >.< *crickets*

So now, because you're so liberal and talk about sex freely, on the radio nogal, suddenly topics based around you involve sex and stuff. That's all people want to discuss. No, Im not some sexgoddess, I do twerk for 'him' and can be kinky but I have my prude moments too. For example, something like BDSM is not up my alley. I support it and it completely fascinates me but its not something I would personally practice. I mean really, unless you're a virgin, we all have sex, some not as often as others, so essentially there is nothing unique about us. We just happen to talk about it and are passionate about putting it all out in the open. We just have the guts and are quite knowledgeable too. Ofcourse we also do research subjects discussed. You dont want to see my search engine history. Jesus himself would faint. Yhuuuuu

Dont you find it so ironic that we are supposed to be these sex vixens, bedroom stallions and Kama sutra specialists yet nobody wants to talk about sex. Women are supposed to be these angels in public but sex devils in the bedroom, yet nobody gives tutorials about how its done. So where are we supposed to be getting this information? My mom's sex talk to me was very clinical. She read something from a Christian book about parenting, so it was the basics of sex. No mention of blowjobs, 69, doggystyle etc. I only experienced my 1st orgasm much later on in my sex life. Well I was convinced I was going to hell after my first sexual experience. It took a long time for me to really be comfortable in my own sexuality. So, supposedly we all have great sex lives, we all have multiple orgasms everytime we cum, we have a secret stash of porn and sex toys in our bedrooms, I meaaaaan. If this was all true, there would be no need for such a platform for such conversations.

Truth is, most of us dont really know what we're doing. We just do stuff based on what we see, what we have heard and hope for the best. Ever heard the joke about the blonde who went on all fours and blew a penis like it was a candle? Me neither. We grow up being told sex is so dirty, 'zizimanga' and in my opinion, I doubt something entrenched so deep from childhood will immediately switch off once you're an adult, educated or not. Things like porn and BDSM are looked at as perversions instead of being embraced as part of sex and intimacy. The memo sent out by society is that sex is supposed to happen behind closed doors, with the lights off.

So essentially the show, is supposed to encourage talk so we can share best practices and debunk some sexual myths about men and women. Its not aimed at making you feel bad because you're aint having sex or because you only have sex only in missionary position in the dark. Nor is it supposed to make you feel any less of a person because you dont know what the word 'felattio'' means.

So if you're in KZN please tune in every 2nd Wednesday 9-11pm. Thanks to technology you can also live stream via TuneIn or any radio app
as well. The Campfire hosting The Harem on East Coast Radio (94-95 FM)

All this flab has never stopped me from living a full sex life when I’ve wanted one however, in case you were wondering. What can I say, black guys like big girls. Sometimes. I get chatted up plenty and asked to dance, but often it’s not the ones I want to dance with.

It’s the little fuckers.

Something about a small mans psyche and a big girls sense of humour means the big girl little man is a combo as finger licking as chicken and fries. They make us laugh. We make them look good. Of course.

Just for once though I would appreciate a big man mountain to try on for size. You know, all bulging muscles and legs you could climb up. But they’re too busy shaking their coke fuelled arses at 18 year old size zero Barbies.

Ah, screw it..where’s little mans number?

As the creators explain ”Grindr is a location-based app that uses GPS and Wi-Fi signal to identify your physical location so you can chat, network and mingle with the guys near you at home or on the road.”  Which means if you suddenly find someone close you, you can end up having a date on under ten minutes. Nudity and sex acts depicted on their app are strictly forbidden, but whatever they decide to write together is up to them.

Toby, a gay 21-year-old student, knows of a friend who used this app to have some fun at university.

”There was this one time, he told me, that his Grindr app sent him a notification about another user who also was at the library. They texted back and forth and decided to meet up at the library toilet to BJ each other. I don’t use this app myself since I am not into that immediate dating, and I think I would find it a bit too prude for my taste.”

It can’t be that easy to find the perfect man for you if you are gay, since there’s always this possibility of bumping into a hetero guy, believing he’s straight and start hitting on him. The awkward situation is feared among all gay and straight ‘victims’, so when Toby told me he uses net dating as his path to dating I thought that must be the absolute easiest way!

“I am currently using Plenty of Fish which is a website for everybody, no matter of your orientation. The main difference between this and only-gay sites is that this one is a bit more for serious relationships. I find the others dating sites so sex fixated and too straightforward. I tend to loose the interest quickly if a guy starts to talk about sex with me even before we plan to meet up for a coffee”

There is so many choices to choose between out there, so by having a look around you can easily find what suits you best. 

Toby have tried almost them all, the free one, to be precise, but the only one he could recommend was plenty of fish, just because the choices were endless, and there were so many living London. Make sure you chose to only view gay (or of course straight if you are straight).

Toby is actually going out on a date he met through Plenty of Fish next week and this was a guy he knew before, but had lost contact with. I wish him the very best, and to you too, if you are singel and enjoying (or hating! up to you) dating. Have a nice fishing trip.

Btw, tell me about your dating experience- good or bad, any good suggestions of where to find your perfect mate in London, or elsewhere if you live abroad. I would love to hear from you! 

Hello my little perverts!! today is a post for the ladies… woo hoo!
lets talk about strap ons!
soooo… first off let talk about the actual dildo. There are so many different types of strap ons and most of the harnesses come with the dildo, but some come with interchangable ones. Some are vibrator. Some are made of plastic or glass while others are made of “cyber skin” and feel almost like the real thing. Some are colored and others look like skin. Some have balls and others are strapless strap ons. They make them for all different parts of the body; chin, thigh, and even on the knuckles.
My favorite type is cyberskin. It feels like skin which makes it very comfortable and more pleasureble for my partner. If your partner is giving you pleasure, it will give them just as much pleasure to make you feel good.
The harness should fit almost like a good pair of undies. It should be tight enough so that when you are using the strap on it doesnt pull away from the body, so when you put it on it should fit snug against the waist. There is nothing worse than being in the moment and having to stop and re-adjust the harness or tighten it and its not sexy when you have to hold the harness against your skin and your hands get in the way. So ladies, just make sure everything fits properly.
Now you know what you like, but you also need to find out what your partner likes. Its not always about you. You have to have open communication about sex. Its healthy and part of the human psyche, so dont be shy about it with your partner. Talk about what you like and dislike. Talk about what you want to try and what your fantasies are.
This is the one that I own and LOVE! I have owned several others, but this is by far my favorite!

http://nookibox.com/product/Ultra_Harness_2_UR3_6-inch/0/DJ1050-15

Go ahead and check it out! Its amazing… trust me!

If you have any questions or want me to talk about anything specific just leave me a comment. let me know what you think and dont forget to share this blog with your friends.
Now play nice my pretties…. and have fun.

google images

Alright ladies, I believe it’s about time to discuss what most refer to as, ‘feminine health’. But what I prefer to call, a well taken care of hoo-ha. Let’s be honest here, talking about the cleanliness of your vagina with anyone, even a doctor, can be kind of a strange experience. However it is an entirely necessary one; call it a necessary evil.
So I believe that we can all admit that at sometimes our nether regions don’t exactly feel “right”; if that’s the term some of you want to use. But for the most part that’s completely normal in life, just everyday things can make things not so completely fresh. It happens and it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of as a person, shit as a woman. No one can expect you to be perfect all the time.
So at this moment, let me give you some facts about your down-under.

• The Vagina is a potential space, meaning that if nothing is holding it open, it collapses, like a sock without foot.
• The vagina is self cleaning and, consequently, physicians discourage douching. The vagina has colonies of mutually symbiotic flora and microorganisms that protect against dangerous microbes. Disrupting this balance can cause yeast infections, abnormal discharge and more.
• Each vagina has it’s own smell. The smell depends on a variety of factors, including the combination of normal bacteria that live in the vagina, diet, types of fabric a woman wears, level of hygiene, how much a woman sweats, and gland secretions.

Alright, stop me if I’ve said vagina too much already, haha, it seems as though I may have. So first things first; it’s all about knowing yourself, your own body, and obviously your own hoo-ha. You need to know what’s normal for you, and keep track of it. So that when something becomes out of the ordinary, you know when it’s time to get it checked out; especially if you are indeed a sexually active woman.
Like I said before, I know it’s kind of an embarrassing situation when it comes to things like that. However with that being said, I have a theory. If it is indeed too embarrassing for you to get checked out, or hell even go out and buy condoms on your own. Then in my opinion, you probably shouldn’t be having sex to begin with. These are things you need to be woman enough to take care of on your own, especially when it will only get worse if you choose not to.
With that being said, lets discuss some types of infections, mostly the common ones.

• Bacterial Vaginosis, or BV, is the most common vaginal infection in women. Even more common than yeast infections.
• It is generally caused by an overabundance of bacteria normally found in the vagina which usually happens when something upsets the normal chemical balance of the vagina itself.

Now, BV is not, and I repeat, is not a STD. It is an infection found solely in women, and women alone. Everything you do to that area can affect the chemical balance. Things such as; multiple sex partners, new sex partners, douching, feminine hygiene products, even bubble baths and perfumes. Basically, the only thing you really need to clean your vagina, is water; it’s really that simple. Though many women do not experience symptoms, some common ones are:

• Increased vaginal discharge which may be yellow, gray, white, thin or milk-like
• Unpleasant or foul odor from the vaginal discharge or after intercourse
• Genital itching or irritation

So these are things to look out for, or maybe even constantly check for. Since it’s is an infection born within your own vagina, no one else is to blame but you. Leaving this unchecked can have serious problems, such as; damage to the fallopian tubes, PID, infertility, and so on and so forth. The treatment is a simple pill they give you to take, and you have to take all of them. It’s a small price to pay to keep your uterus healthy.
I have one more infection to discuss here:

• Trichomoniasis is a vaginal infection caused by a sexually transmitted parasite. Symptoms including itching, burning, excess discharge that is bubbly, greenish or grayish, and may smell bad. Over 3.7 million people in the US have the disease, though only 30% have symptoms.

Oh goodness, sounds pretty gruesome doesn’t it. Not a door I plan to be knocking on anytime soon. So basically this one is indeed an STD, which men can get as well. Obviously, it is mostly caused by having unprotected sex, which can always be avoided.
I just thought I’d share that one with you, to let you know that things can indeed get pretty gruesome if you aren’t exactly kind to your vagina.
Wearing overly tight pants, leaving your tampons in for too long, not properly showering, putting unnatural products in that area, and so on and so forth can cause BV, and just an overall unpleasant feeling down there. Unprotected sex is another big issue out there, I know it feels nice, and whatever. But unless you’re in a completely monogamous relationship or know what your partner is up to at all times, it’s just best to be on the safe side.
No one ever wants to talk about these things, but believe me I do. I treat my vagina like my prized possession. Even though it’s not, you have to treat it like it truly matters to you, or else why would you expect any boy to want to touch it? Be aware, be safe, know yourself, and have the know how to realize when something is definitely wrong. It will be alright, you are a mature woman, and if you wanna be sexually active. You better be ready to take care of everything you need to. Well that’s all I’ve got to say, thanks for reading!

Sources:

facts.randomhistory.com/vagina.facts.html

http://www.reddoorclinic.org/stds/bv.html

Jacob Appelbaum (see below)

This first appeared in a slightly edited version on What the Fox? Lana Fox’s sexuality blog.

A while back, in her podcast “In Bed with Susie Bright,” Susie mentioned the fad for vaginoplasty, in which women with perfectly healthy genitals have surgery for “correction.”  Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly not letting a surgeon down there with a knife unless I really have to.  I mean, hell, there are certain vibrators that look frightening to me!  (I’ve never been a “tentacle” girl….)  Also, how can you make something unique “correct”?

Seriously, though, this is all about fear.

The female sex, pussy, or whatever you want to call it, is beautiful, not shrink-wrapped to order.  Here’s my take.  If your lover can’t like your sex just the way it is, change the lover, not the vagina.  As Susie so brilliantly puts it, pornography in the past was the first to demonstrate variety.  Pictures of the female sex, which are meant for arousal, have often been displayed in an array.  All those models don’t have the same pussy.  They’re variously enticing and appeal in different ways.  If there’s only one sort of sexy sex, why show the others?

For a part of the body that many of us expose the least, our sex can be tremendously defining.  After all, when we’re sexually unconfident, the feelings can run deeply, affecting our moods, even our personalities.  Activist writers such as Stephen Elliott explore how sexuality can affect our whole lives:

“If you are a sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain, then you need to find someone who craves pain instead of taking it out on those who don’t.  And if you are a submissive, you need to find someone who enjoys controlling you rather than manipulating your lovers into a pattern of abuse.”  From Stephen Elliott’s essay, “BDSM” in Dirty Words, ed. by Ellen Sussman.

There are a million questions that we can be asking ourselves about the way we are.  What turns us on or off can affect us in powerful ways.  Do you crave tenderness and/or pain?  Or can pain be tenderness and tenderness, pain?  What happens when you feel released and liberated?  Do you enjoy having sex with yourself?  If not, why not?  If so, how does solo sex affect you?  Have you looked at your sex in a mirror?  If not, why not?  Do you want to have sex at the moment?  Maybe you don’t?  Do you always want to climax during sex, or perhaps sex can be perfectly enjoyable without an orgasm?  And as for our genitals, in true RuPaul wisdom, if we can’t love ourselves, how the hell we gonna love somebody else?  (Amen!)

These are the questions we should be asking ourselves, not whether or not our genitals look right to a surgeon.  And while plastic surgery can be immensely helpful under the right circumstances (for instance, I know that burn victims often find it life-changing), when it’s just about making ourselves more “beautiful” or “acceptable” to society—many of whom enjoy uniqueness more than sameness—it’s surely time to look inside, not out.

Thanks so much for visiting our blog!  If you’ve like to browse our erotic books for brain and brawn, come visit our website or find us, including our reader reviews, at Amazon.

Photo credit: Jacob Appelbaum from san francisco, USA (Nude and captured.) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

He makes her breath heavily
Don’t trip, walk steady
Are you ready?
He’s got it

The loves got her heart going wild
Acting kinda funny
Like a small cute child
He’s got it

He’s swag so dope
She sees a future
She feels hope
He’s got it

Spider man got he’s enemy in a chock
He’s love games sick
Y’all haters better take a step back
He’s got it

He pleases her every wish
Via his D***
They both got game
Their connections insane

He’s got it
Yeah that’s right
He’s got it
A rare friendship one that’s tight