Have been spending time at a local animal shelter. The best part is seeing their excitement when you come to say hey and the worst part is when you turn your back to say good night. It has been said that you can always tell the strength of a community when you see how they treat their animals. Below is the dog that currently has my heart.

The Shar Pei looks like no other dog on Earth. An ancient Chinese fighting dog which almost became extinct after WWII, the breed was resurrected by the Americans in the 1970s after the Communists banned dog breeding and other fun activities. Originally thought to be a cross between the Tibetan Mastiff and the Chow Chow, recent research has uncovered a genetic link to the humble earthworm, throwing biology into confusion. In 1996, a study at Harvard University revealed that, like the Dachshund, the Shar Pei is not, strictly speaking, a mammal at all but, rather, shares its DNA with both the geranium and the gecko and falls into a taxonomic class all of its own.

The characteristic loose skin and wrinkles were positively encouraged over hundreds of years of selective breeding and, indeed, there is such an excess of subcutaneous tissue that some have suggested the Ancient Chinese may have also bred the dogs for their pelts to guard against the harsh winters of the mountainous regions.

Though the Shar Pei has a strong, muscular build, it is not without health problems. Depression and bipolar syndrome are common ailments, as are breathing difficulties and worms. The Shar Pei is a sensitive breed, and in many ways is still getting over the rejection it suffered at the hands of the Chinese. Having said that, it’s fair to say the dogs have, in general, successfully managed the transition over to the American Way of Life and have embraced it wholeheartedly: they are now regularly spotted at baseball games, high school proms and the like and are even popular in Hollywood.

In terms of diet, you can’t go too far wrong by feeding your Shar Pei burgers, fries, chilli dogs and cola, though obviously not every day as this can encourage obesity. Also, don’t forget to give them plenty of fruit and vegetables so they don’t get cancer. Exercise is also important, but not that important as these dogs sleep for an average of 16 hours per day. If your Shar Pei seems to just want to spend all day on the sofa you should allow this; your pet is probably just tired (or depressed, which isn’t surprising given the circumstances).

When it comes to entertainment, the Shar Pei very much enjoys dressing up, especially at Halloween, when it is fond of ‘Trick or Treating.’ Its favourite Halloween costume is the illuminous green skeleton, though it also likes the witch. If the Shar Pei was a human being, it would be The Fonz from TV’s Happy Days.

What kind of dog do you want?

I find that Shar Pei dogs are quite adorable. They’re wrinkly because they were originally fighting dogs. When another dog bit them, their wrinkles of skin stretched and the dog was randered unharmed.

The actual reason that I love shar Peis….well…yeah. Their folds of skin make me feel great about my own body issues. If people love Shar Peis for their fat, I can be loved for mine. =}

Next time you look for a dog, don’t go for what breed looks the cutest to you, but the temperment and the size of dog that you are willing to own.

=D

Dog breeds are groups of closely related and visibly similar domestic dogs, which are all of the subspecies Canis lupus familiaris, having characteristic traits that are selected and maintained by humans, bred from a known foundation stock.

The term dog breed may also be used to refer to natural breeds or landraces, which arose through time in response to a particular environment which included humans, with little or no selective breeding by humans. Such breeds are undocumented, and are identified by their appearance and often by a style of working. Ancient dog breeds are some of the modern (documented) descendants of such natural breeds.

Dog breeds are not scientifically defined biological classifications, but rather are groupings defined by clubs of hobbyists called breed clubs.

A dog breed is represented by a sufficient number of individuals to stably transfer its specific characteristics over generations. Dogs of same breed have similar characteristics of appearance and behavior, primarily because they come from a select set of ancestors who had the same characteristics. Dogs of a specific breed breed true, producing young closely similar to the parents. An individual dog is identified as a member of a breed through proof of ancestry, using genetic analysis or written records of ancestry. Without such proof , identification of a specific breed is not reliable. Such records, called stud books, may be maintained by individuals, clubs, or other organizations.

Classification

In biology, subspecies, race and breed are equivalent terms. Breed is usually applied to domestic animals; species and subspecies, to wild animals and to plants; and race, to humans. Colloquial use of the term Dog breed, however, does not conform to scientific standards of taxonomic classification. Breeds do not meet the criteria for subspecies since they are all considered a subspecies of the gray wolf, an interbreeding group of individuals who pass on characteristic traits and would likely merge back into a single homogeneous group if external barriers were removed. The recognition of distinct dog breeds is not maintained by a scientific organization; they are maintained by a number of independent kennel clubs that need not apply to scientific standards and are often inconsistent. For instance, the Belgian Shepherd Dog is separated into four distinct breeds by some clubs, but not in others. Further, some groups of dogs which clearly share a persistent set of characteristics and documented descent from a known foundation stock may still not be recognized by some clubs as breeds. For instance, the feist is a hunting dog raised in the Southern United States for hunting small game. Feists have a consistent set of characteristics that reliably differentiate them from other dog type and breeds. However, the United Kennel Club recognizes one breed of feist, the Treeing Feist, but the American Kennel Club, does not recognize any feist breed.

A dog is said to be purebred if its parents were purebred and it meets the standards of the breed. Purebred dog breeders of today “have inherited a breeding paradigm that is, at the very least, a bit anachronistic in light of modern genetic knowledge, and that first arose out of a pretty blatant misinterpretation of Darwin and an enthusiasm for social theories that have long been discredited as scientifically insupportable and morally questionable.” Morally questionable policies regarding purity of breed include obligatory surgical procedures to spay or neuter animals in numerous contexts. The American Kennel Club, for instance, allows mixed-breed dogs to be shown but requires these animals to be altered. It does not make such requirements for purebred dogs. California Assembly Act AB 1634 was a bill introduced in 2007 that would require all non-working dogs of mixed breed over the age of 6 months to be neutered or spayed. The bill was morally controversial, leading the American Kennel Club to fight the bill.

The clear genetic distinction between breeds of dog has made dogs of specific breeds good subjects for genetic and human medical research. “Using the dog as a discovery tool” in studying how cancer affects specific breeds may lead to identifying “susceptibility genes that have proved intractable in human families and populations.”

History of Dog Breeds

Pariah dogs originally established themselves near human populations^[10], developing and maintaining themselves without further selection. They do not carry any specialized working dog functions. Working, hunting and other functional breeds most likely appeared when there was a demand for certain traits and humans were able to devote time and resources to perfect those traits.

Initial dog selections centered on helpful behavior such as barking at unfamiliar creatures and people, guarding livestock, or hunting game. Some dog breeds, such as Saluki or New Guinea Singing Dogs , have been bred for thousands of years. Some working dog breeds such as German Shepherd or Labrador Retriever were established in the last few hundred years. More recently, dogs have been selected for attractiveness and distinctive features, resulting in a vast variety of different breeds. Similar dog breeds are classified by dog registries in Dog Breed Groups.

Groups of individuals that have dogs of the same breed often unite into national breed clubs, describing their dogs in specific language by writing a breed standard. Breed standards prescribe the most desirable specimen attributes and working abilities for purebred dogs of that breed as well as undesirable traits. National breed clubs promote their breeds via the local breed registry and international organizations. Dogs recognized by the main breed registries are said to be “purebred”.

Development of dog breeds

For the history and development of the dog, see Origin of the domestic dog, Ancient dog breeds, and Dog type.

There is much speculation but little evidence about why canids came to live with or near humans, possibly as long as 100,000 years ago. With the beginnings of agriculture around 12,000 years ago, humans began making use of dogs in various ways, resulting in physical differences between dogs and their wolf ancestors. In earlier times, little was written about dogs, although there were known dog types or landrace dogs, which developed over time with minimal human intervention, to fit in with the environment (including human culture) in which the dogs lived or live. Dog breeds in the modern sense date only to the accurate documenting of pedigrees with the establishment of the English Kennel Club in 1873, in imitation of other stud book registries for cattle and horses.

Many dog breeds today have names of original landrace types, such as the Border Collie. Other landrace types, such as retrievers, have been made more uniform in appearance through selective breeding, and developed into a variety of distinctive breeds. Varieties of purebred dogs kept for working purposes can vary in appearance from purebred dogs of the same breed kept as showdogs and pets.

New dog breeds are being continually created. They are either accidentally or purposely crossbred from existing breeds, developed for a specific style of work, or created just for marketing purposes. Recently discovered semi-feral and landrace types such as the New Guinea Singing Dog have been documented and registered as breeds for purposes of preservation. The Canadian department of agriculture has strict standards for the documenting of what it calls “emerging breeds”. Many registries which require minimal documentation are available for registering new and existing breeds of dog. In general, a dog can only be guaranteed to be of a specific breed if it is documented in the stud book of a major dog registry or breed registry.

Genetics

Dog breeds can now be analyzed through genetics. Genetic markers (microsatellite markers and single-nucleotide polymorphisms) have been analyzed and a representative sample of 85 breeds were placed into four clusters, each cluster having shared ancestors. Cluster 1 is thought to be the oldest, including African and Asian dogs. Cluster 2 is mastiff type dogs; cluster 3 is herding dogs, and cluster 4 modern hunting type dogs (mostly developed in Europe in the 1800s.)

• Note: Relationships uncovered through genetics may not match “official” breed histories. The following breed lists are based on genetic research, not traditional beliefs about dog breeds.

• Cluster 1 (Thought to be older lineages): Afghan Hound, Akita Inu, Alaskan Malamute, Basenji, Chow Chow, Irish Wolfhound, Lhasa Apso, Pekingese, Saluki, Samoyed, Shar Pei, Shiba Inu, Shih Tzu, Siberian Husky, Tibetan Terrier.

• Cluster 2 (Mastiff-type): Bernese Mountain Dog, Boxer, Bulldog, Bullmastiff, French Bulldog, German Shepherd Dog, Greater Swiss Mountain Dog, Labrador Retriever, Mastiff, Miniature Bull Terrier, Newfoundland, Pomeranian, Presa Canario, Rottweiler.

• Cluster 3 (Herding): Belgian Sheepdog, Belgian Tervuren, Borzoi, Collie, Greyhound, Pug, St. Bernard, Shetland Sheepdog.

• Cluster 4 (Modern/hunting dogs): Airedale Terrier, American Cocker Spaniel, American Hairless Terrier, American Water Spaniel, Australian Shepherd, Australian Terrier, Basset Hound, Beagle, Bedlington Terrier, Bichon Frise, Bloodhound, Border Collie, Cairn Terrier, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Chihuahua, Clumber Spaniel, Dachshund, Doberman Pinscher, English Cocker Spaniel, Flat Coated Retriever, German Shorthaired Pointer, Giant Schnauzer, Golden Retriever, Great Dane, Ibizan Hound, Irish Setter, Irish Terrier, Italian Greyhound, Keeshond, Kerry Blue Terrier, Komondor, Kuvasz, Manchester Terrier, Miniature Schnauzer, Norwegian Elkhound, Old English Sheepdog, Pharaoh Hound, Pointer, Portuguese Water Dog, Rhodesian Ridgeback, Schipperke, Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier, Standard Poodle, Standard Schnauzer, Welsh Springer Spaniel, West Highland White Terrier, Whippet.

Dog Breed documentation

Stud Books

Dog breeds are documented in lists of antecedents called a stud book.

Dog breeds that have been documented may be accepted into one or more of the major registries (kennel clubs) of dog breeds, including the Fédération Cynologique Internationale (covering 84 countries), The Kennel Club (UK), the Canadian Kennel Club, the American Kennel Club, the Australian National Kennel Council and the New Zealand Kennel Club, and other national registries. The registry places the breed into the appropriate category, called a Group. Some Groups may be further subdivided by some registries. When the breed is fully accepted, the stud book is closed and only dogs bred from dogs in the stud book will be accepted for registration. These dogs are referred to as purebred.

Dog breed clubs, especially of dogs bred for a particular kind of work, may maintain an open stud book and so may not be included in major registries. The dogs are still considered a breed. An example of this would be the Jack Russell Terrier Club of America.

Some dog breeds fit the definition of breed, especially breeds that develop naturally on islands or in isolated areas, but are few in number or have not been sufficiently documented to be registered with one of the major registries. An example of this would be the Kintamani Dog and other rare or independent breeds.

Breeds of dogs can be deliberately created in a relatively short period of time. When they breed true and have been sufficiently documented, they can be accepted by major registries. An example of this is the Cesky Terrier.

Breed Standards

Each dog breed has a written Breed Standard, a list of attributes that standardises the appearance of the breed, written by the breed’s founder or breed club. Dog are judged in Conformation Dog Shows on the basis of how closely the individual dog conforms to the breed standard. As the breed standard only covers external aspects of the dog’s appearance, breeding working dogs for show competition may cause appearance to be emphasised to the detriment of working ability.

Groups of dogs mistaken for breeds

Groups of dogs that may be mistaken for breeds include working dogs that are categorized by working style rather than appearance, although they may be of various ancestry and may not breed true. The difference between a named group of working dogs and a breed of dogs can be unclear. Examples would be the huntaway and other livestock dogs of New Zealand, the feist dogs of the southern United States, and the Patagonian sheepdogs of Argentina, which are collies mixed with other working dogs.

Landrace dogs are another grouping that often have been named but are not considered breeds. “Landrace” is a term used for early types domesticated animals, including dogs, where isolated populations of dogs are selected according to human goals; developing over time rather than through modern breeding techniques. An example of a landrace dog would be the dog described as ‘Basset’ as early as 1585. The landrace Basset was developed into the modern breeds of Dachshund and Basset Hound, as well as modern day terrier breeds.

Another group of dogs that may be mistaken for breeds are first-generation crossbreds, bred for hybrid vigor (heterosis) from two purebred dogs. An example of this would be the Labradoodle.

Mixed breed dogs may be offered a form of registration to allow them to participate in organized dog events. Often given the name All-American or AMBOR dog, the name does not signify that dogs so registered are a breed. Dogs must be spayed or neutered to be registered.

Individual dogs or small groups of dogs may use an existing breed name or be given an invented breed name and listed with little or no documentation for a fee with “registry” companies with minimal verification requirements. The dogs are then bred and marketed as a “registered” breed, sometimes as a “rare” or new breed of dogs.

(source wikipedia.org)

THE BROOKLYN CANINE  COMPANIONS:

Photograph of Brutus from our family album.

“A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship . . .  The Dog is a survival — an anachronism.  He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail . . .” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Photograph of Buddy and my son from our family album.

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” Robert Benchley

THE CALIFORNIA  CANINE  COMPANIONS:

Photograph of Xiang Xiang’s Ah Man, better known as “Gus,” from our family album.

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.  That’s almost $7 in dog money.” Joe Weinstein

Photograph of Feyd from our family album.

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?,” asks Woody in Cheers. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing milk-bone underwear,” responds Norm

Photograph of Brutus from our family album.

“A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship . . .  The Dog is a survival — an anachronism.  He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail . . .” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Photograph of Buddy and my son from our family album.

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” Robert Benchley

Photograph of Xiang Xiang’s Ah Man, better known as “Gus,” from our family album.

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.  That’s almost $7 in dog money.” Joe Weinstein

Photograph of Feyd from our family album.

“How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?,” asks Woody in Cheers. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Woody, and I’m wearing milk-bone underwear,” responds Norm

SE BUSCA  ….dueño(a) para un increible shar pei negrita , es la ultima de la camada 180 mil , operadita de los ojos ,sanita  de dos meses.

The elderly are like a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans.  They shuffle into the restaurant, hunched over, with faces drooped with age and who knows what sort of person you’re getting!  Those wrinkles and creases etched, now permanently into their skin, can be misleading.  Shar-Pei’s have less folds than the aged.  (Note: Shar-Pei to follow.)

Shar-Pei - there it is.

Even after talking to them, after you’ve dismissed the notion that this bulldog faced woman is one angry old hen (why the animals, why?), and she’s chatted to you like you were long lost relatives you don’t know what they’re going to do.  People who don’t get their food in a timely fashion can turn on you like a squirrel with rabies (sure, why not continue…).  Or, they can fool you momentarily into thinking that they’re batty enough to think that you can get soda for a nickel and when they tip you 65 cents you’re set for life.  Look here, I know you’re living in the real world.  I know and you know you’re not eating lunch for a $1.50 anymore.  So give it up.  The Great Depression 2.0 is on but your money isn’t worthless yet.

On the other hand, you get the good ones.  The spunky ones that go out with friends not out of loneliness but because they really enjoy hanging out with their gang.  (Ha, gang of elderly.  Gaggle, flock, herd, murder, etc… done now.)  Anyone past sixty is a jelly bean.  That’s what I’ve really been saying.

The Elderly?

SE VENDEN INCREIBLES CACHORROS SHAR-PEI

   Descripción:  Este perro, tranquilo y leal, es robusto y musculoso. Su mayor originalidad se encuentra en la piel, que, aunque dura, está suelta y es muy replegada. La cabeza es cuadrada , ancha y extrañamente arrugada. Sus pequeños ojos están hundidos y las orejas pegadas a la cabeza. El cuerpo es poderoso y musculoso, arrugado especialmente en la cruz y la cola es llevada recta o enrollada sobre el lomo. Pelaje: corto, raso y tupido. Color: cervato, crema, rojo o negro.

 Cuidados:   Si se le proporciona ejercicio diario el Shar pei vive bien en departamento. Los pliegues de su piel no requieren ningún cuidado particular, aunque pueden producir en los cachorros dolorosas inflamaciones de los párpados. Tienen buena salud aunque son sensibles al demodex, un parásito de la piel.

Carácter: El Shar pei es tranquilo y leal, equilibrado y muy afectuoso con la familia. Ama a los niños, a los que instintivamente se propone defender. Con los extraños es reservado, pero no es mordedor. Es sensato y disciplinado. Tiene una gran capacidad de adaptación que le lleva a vivir en departamento. 

Historia: El Shar pei es una raza de origen chino muy antigua, de hecho se cree que deriva del cruce entre mastines y perros nórdicos (quizás siberianos). Durante mucho tiempo su dedicación fue la guarda de los templos, el combate y la caza de jabalíes, hasta que en el Pekín imperial fue adoptado por la corte. La revolución china lo consideró un animal de lujo por lo que estuvo al borde la extinción en los años 50. Gracias a un criador de Hong Kong y a su peculiaridad entraron en los Estados Unidos, donde se hicieron muy populares y se pudo regenerar la raza.

Utilidad :En la antigüedad se consideró perro de guarda y también de caza, pero actualmente su mayor “misión” es la de ser perro de compañía.

 Ventajas: tranquilo, capacidad de adaptación , sensato y cariñoso  y un excelente guardian.

LOS CACHORROS CUESTAN $150.000

                          INTERESADOS LLAMAR fono:6399960    mandar mail josecp1@hotmail.com

Last night I went out.  It was a co-worker’s birthday, and I believe that the celebration of my upcoming birthday was just a sidebar added on the invitations.  I threw my back out last weekend (and I know what you’re thinking, and I WISH that were the reason) and I’m still on the mend.   Truth be told, the last two weeks have been hellish…something akin to me landing on an island where men past the age of fifty roam the dunes, naked, with nothing but their wrinkly penises blowing in the breeze (UGH…a nightmare for me).  I mean, I’ve suffered worse, but I view it as a premonition of the disaster possibly lurking around the corner for my swiftly approaching birthday.

Tuesday, Two Weeks Ago

1. I didn’t hear the alarm and was two hours late to work.
2. While driving 90mph, on a major interstate, my car completely shuts off.
3. I pay $64.00 to reinstate my AAA membership.
4. I wait, in the 4:00PM heat, for a AAA guy…while parked on the shoulder of the interstate. Did I mention that the temperature was set on HELL?
5. The first AAA guy tries to swindle me.  I send him packing…call for another AAA guy.
6. Pay $60.00 for a fucking tow!  …Could have spent that money on a hot, male escort to…well…escort me…
7. Left my car at PepBoys overnight.

Wednesday, Two Weeks Ago

1. Couldn’t go to work because I had no car, and I live thirty-five miles from work.
2. Rode in a pimped out, white, all leather interior, Lincoln Navigator, of which doubled as a taxi.
3. Paid $200.00 to have a battery replaced in 2007 vehicle.

Thursday, Two Weeks Ago

1. Fucking alarm was reset for a different time, so I woke up LATE AGAIN!
2. Locked my keys in the car (I have NEVER done that in my entire life).
3. Had two ex-gang members (I teach high school) attempt to break into my car for me…they said that my type of car is too difficult to break into.  Hondas are the easiest (FYI all Honda owners).
4. The shop teacher eventually got in.
5. My FWB called to tell me that he was back from his family vacation (read: Don’t come and check on my cats tonight because I will probably be fucking some other girl) and did not make any plans to see me until Monday.
6. No sex…what else is there to say?

*** I’m getting to the sex texting part…REALLY J

Friday, Two Weeks Ago

1. I called my student loans debtors and they told me that I owed them $20,000.00 and that I would be garnished if I did not begin to pay it back.
2. Won’t be able to move and attend the Ph.D. I’ve been accepted into if I don’t get that money!
3. I attended a salsa dancing convention and threw my back out after three dances.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday – Last Week

1. Went to the chiropractor (Saturday and vMonday)  and spent $30.00 co-pay EACH time!
2. Sat around smelling like my grandmother – ode de menthol
3. Didn’t go to work…couldn’t stand up straight.
4. My FWB hung out with me.  Watched the Laker’s game.
5. No sex!

Tuesday, Last Week

1. Left work early to see the chiropractor.  I spent another $30.00 on a co-pay.
2. Still in pain…still smelled like menthol.

Wednesday, Last Week

1. Left work early to see a medical doctor.  I spent another $30.00 on a co-pay!
2. Blood pressure 160/100 (not normal), and the twit who took my BP didn’t find it important enough to address.
3. Got a muscle relaxer prescription for $75.00

Thursday, Last Week

1. No work…too much pain!

Friday, Last Week

…Brings us up-to-date…So, I’m at this club with my co-workers…too doped up on muscle relaxers and pain killers to really act an ass like I want to.  I see someone I think is kinda fine, a hot little brown skinned number.  I soon realize that, of course, he doesn’t play for my team.  I chuckle because one of my girlfriends always teases me about my attraction to gay men…I’ve tried to explain to her that they are METROSEXUAL and NOT GAY!  LOL!

I dance a song or two with my jovial friend, and I know that I looked like a corpse that was propped up with a stick up its ass!  I called myself trying to dance the taunt muscles in my lower back into a limber submission.  I think you know how that worked out…yeah…I left directly after that freak show.  Besides, the DJ started to play all the baby-making favorites of the 90s: Bump N Grind Remix, Body Rockin Knockin Da Boots, Anniversary, Scandalous…well, hell, you get the picture.  By that time, I think I may have knocked an old man over the head and climbed on top…that’s how heated I was getting (and you know how vehemently I abhor old, wrinkly penises).

I began scrolling through my phone for potential booty calls:

1. Al – Nope…never got that, and I’m not bold enough to call at midnight and ask for it.
2. Alex – Nope…haven’t had that in ever.  What I look like calling five months later?  Too bad cuz he licks and sticks…a rare combination these days!
3. David – Hell Naw!  Old school sexy…enough said! (Old men give you worms)
4. Jason – Not THAT desperate yet…he’s on the cuddly side, and I really tried to be into him.  He was so sweet.  Too bad he looked like a Shar Pei when he got naked.  One time was enough for me!
5. Kenneth – I’m not calling his ass tonight!  He’s my “sometimey” FWB.  I want nothing more than to ride over to his apartment, walk in his bedroom (seeing as how I do have a key), strip away his bed sheets, and…well…you know the rest
6. Malcolm – Nope…brotha lives far, like almost in another country far!  And…when I get there, he’s always drinking a damn 40 ounce and is too far gone to keep it hard.  Oh…and the kicker, he’s thirty-three years old and lives in a damn remolded remodeled garage.  The renovations were performed by Sewer Water, Inc.
7. Raymond – Nope…an Ex who is just really a friend now.  Too bad, cuz he has got the juiciest cock I’ve seen in a while!  It’s HUGE, too…and the poor dear is too frigid to let mama show him how to REALLY use it.  I think he threw the instructions away when he took it out the box! LOL!
8. Tyrone – Another old school sexy…older than the first old school sexy and suspected of being “He who wields the wee wee-wee.”  That’s a definite hell no on the double!

Then, to add insult to injury, I am electronically assaulted by an Ex who lives two states away.  Lately, he has been waiting until after midnight to text me.  The conversations usually go something like this:

Brandon: Hey Sexy Lady…U up?

(GROAN) It’s not from Kenneth, which pisses me off.

Me: Yeah

B: Are u out paryting? Party Girl

UGH! Who says that?  Party Girl?  Lame!

M: No.  Just got home.  What r u doing?

I ask, but I really don’t care because the bottom line is that he lives a gazillion miles away and cannot get to my place within 15 minutes with his mouth shut and pants down.  No, I’m not this objectifying of all men…just the ones I think are dickweeds.

B: Lying in bed chillen

Okay.  I know where this is headed…Lamesville, USA.  At least it is grammatically correct; Lie for people and lay for things…I’m a nerd…So what?

* Well, shit…I just don’t respond to that because I don’t have the energy.  So when I don’t respond, he texts:

B: I got a jones in my bones

Here it comes…reference to a useless ass hard-on!  I can’t use it!

M: For…

I really DON’T want to know the answer to that.

B: Boom Chicka Wow Wow

And yes…his lame ass really did take the time to TEXT that shit to me!  Fucking idiot!

*I don’t respond to that one either.

B: So…you got a bday coming up

M: Don’t remind me

Maybe he’s taking the hint that I don’t want to sex text with someone who is not within 15 minutes of knocking on my front door.

B: Sounds like somebody needs a good tongue lashing!

Yeah, I’m going to bed now.  I lay my phone on the nightstand next to my bed…I’m going to allow him to text himself into an orgasm without me!  I fall asleep dreaming of the time in my life when I had all sorts of beautiful boys at my disposal (sigh)…to sleep, perchance to dream (William Shakespeare)!

I really hope that all this past bullshit isn’t a precursor to my birthday!

Okay…sleepytime…

Meg here! As I’ve mentioned before we have 4 dogs and numerous other critters. Our youngest, Boomer Sooner–the big Boo– has to be the scariest of the 4, the largest, the bravest, the most loyal, and the dumbest. Hey, no dog is perfect.

Once he learns a trick, he performs it, then expects to be rewarded. Quickly. Like carrying the newspaper from the door to the kitchen table. If he doesn’t get his cookie, he’ll take the paper away, shredding it if I’m not fast enough to get it. He’ll retreive anything on the floor or coffee table if I point at it. During the recent storms when the lights have gone out, I’ve held onto his collar for him to lead me through the house. So far he’s only led me into one door jamb! But I’m sure he was sorry about that. When I need help to step on the porch, he’s there for me to lean on.

Maybe I’ve carried the helper dog role too far. The other night as I was exercising in my hot tub, Boo climbed the spa steps. He likes to drink the hot water and I like to see his black and pink tongue. I’m sure he’s baffled why I want to be in there. While I exercise, he goes  on rat patrol. Living in the country and even with 2 cats, we still have mice and BFRs. Boomer can hear them scurrying under the deck and when he thinks he can ‘get them’ (the spaces between the boards is 1/2″) he pounces. Jumping about two feet straight up, he lands with all four paws within inches of each other. I promise one day I’ll get a video clip and post on YouTube. Makes me laugh everytime!

Never thought this trick would work until he chasedone out where Chloe-the silent and deadly Doberman-killed it. All right, I thought, one less. Using the Lab part of his make up, he oh so softly carried the critter up the stairs to show me. I praised him for being such a noble protector.

Then I realized my mistake. “NO, NO. No, Boomer. Get back.”

He dropped the headless and disemboweled mouse in my spa, then gave me the most toothsome, both lips curled back grin. So proud! His long tail curled over his back almost touching his neck. He whined in pure pleasure. I screamed. Not because I’m afraid of mice or corpses, but I was stuck with this bobbing, bloody, intestine-floating, tail-jerking rodent and I can’t get out. Boomer and Rocky are on the steps blocking my exit. The torn cartilage in my knee makes a fast jump over the side not an option I want, and this mouse is swirling everywhere riding current created by the jets. Taking the top off  the cute dolphin bromine dispenser, I wait for mousey to surface, scoop that sucker up, then fling it into the yard.

Boomer and Rocky both haul butt off the steps, fighting over who will bring it back to me. I haul my butt out of the water, snatch my robe and limp for the shower. {{{shudder}}I can still see the gore!

Needless to say that I drained the spa, disinfected and refilled it. And Boomer didn’t get a cookie.

This is Lola, a super sweet and loving shar pei that I photographed last week. Her rolls and wrinkles were just about the cutest thing ever! I wish I had brought my video camera because she did the funniest snort thing with her nose whenever she was excited. All of the excitement wore her out and I was able to get some really beautiful pictures of her sleeping by the fireplace before I left.

I hummed the song “Lola” throughout the entire photo session and now it’s stuck in my head again as I post these pics!

História da Raça

Poucas raças de cães possuem uma história tão intensa e vitoriosa como esta raça: os Shar-Peis.

Sua origem é incerta, acredita-se que sua origem seja de um vilarejo chamado Dailick, localizado na província de Guongdong, sul da China. Os primeiros exemplares da raça eram bem maiores do que os atuais e provavelmente surgiram há mais ou menos 20 séculos.

Temperamento. O Shar-Pei é um cão alegre e extremamente dócil, demonstra seu amor com pulos e lambidas. Também é muito companheiro, está sempre seguindo os donos pela casa. Por isso, ele detesta ficar preso ou sozinho.

Grau de Atividade. Tranqüilo. O Shar-Pei gosta mesmo é de ficar deitado em sua camatirando uma soneca ou observando o ambiente. Mas isso não quer dizer que ignore um convite para um passeio.

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