My day was about to normally end, except that my seven-year-old nephew decided to make an homage to Alexander McQueen’s Plato’s Atlantis… well almost! He’d surely fit in with the browless look of the show.

Such a crazy boy! He knew that he was not supposed to eat bubble gum, but he mysteriously got hold of one. Presumably blew it and burst to his face, right eyebrow and hair. He was very adamant to our questions but we investigated enough and I saw my razor in the bathroom has sticky residues. Busted!

We don’t know whether to feel furious or worried, but we surely were laughing so hard while scolding him about what he did. The clincher: he’s got an appointment for his school I.D. picture taking tomorrow! Poor Brandon. If only he had told us much earlier, then some oil could have gotten the gum away from his eyebrow.

May this serve a good and eternal lesson to him.

The saddest thing you know about friendship

I don’t know if I’d call it the saddest thing I know about friendship, but I might give it an 8 out of 10. To wake one morning and find your f’ing eyebrow shaved off. Then to find out, no, oh no, it wasn’t that bitch Jo—short for Josephine, after Josephine Baker, like she was hot shit, Jo—no it was your supposed best friend Mary, back in Texas lovingly called Mary Jane.

It was a dare, she’d tell me later. Only a dare. Then, I had to do it. You know how they are.

And yes, I do know how they are, but it’s my whole goddamned eyebrow.

Then she said, best thing you can do now is just shave off the other and paint them on, all high and beautiful and arched like those goddamned oldie but goodies that your half brain-dead granny makes you watch when you’re stuck with her because Mom’s out on “a date.”

What the hell, I’ll yell at her later, my only beanie pulled down low, real low, like I’m about to stick up a bank, my eyes peering out from under its thick edge. I don’t want no pencil thin shit framing my eyes. I know what, I’ll yell, spit flying, Why don’t you shave off your f’ing eyebrows and we’ll be the pencil-browed gang. We’ll make a pact of it. You and me. Best friends forever bullshit.

Thing is, truth is, I do know how they are. And Mary, crazy bitch, she did shave off her eyebrows.  We became the pencil-browed gang. So alright,  that’s why it’s 8 out of 10.

Get out your Hammer pants and shave some lines in your eyebrow kids, because MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice are getting together to play a show for ONE. NIGHT. ONLY!!!! The show, labeled “Hammer Pants and Ice,” will be happening on Friday, February 27, 2009, at 8:00 p.m. at the McKay Events Center in Orem, Utah.

Why are Mc Hammer and Vanilla Ice playing together? I don’t know. Why is it one night only? I don’t know. Why are they playing in UTAH? Probably because that’s one of the only places they can still sell tickets. Regardless, I obviously don’t know much, but what I do know is that MC Hammer will be returning to his, “doing everything on a grand scale” roots by bringing 24 dancers and a full choir. Ice will just be bringing himself… and probably his bad attitude and self loathing.

Tickets range from $29.50 – $35.50. Or, you can just get about $30 singles and use one a day to wipe your ass for a month. Either way, money well spent!

Posted by Garvey