All shaved, boy ready to drink piss.

Holiday Cheer Fail

Merry Christmas FAILers!

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Likelihood of my parents dropping by for a surprise visit

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today was typical. a tuesday. i fell asleep at around 10 am and awoke at around 7pm. ahhh so it goes. i was up all night looking up stuff on the net, facebooking, stumbling, pornwanking etc. i watched american movie a few times in a row. its one of my favorite movies now and is really relatable for me. along the way i made myself some snacks and such. no ones usually up at the late/very early hours i am so i mainly hang out alone with my thoughts. im aware of the rut im in. and i want to share it with you so youll know of the pitiful existence that this modern age has afforded me. im not blaming society or my enviroment for my lack of passion/productivity, but in what other time in history would a person living a life like mine be possible or even tolerated?

its currently 7am here in texas. ive been up all night, like i said since around 7pm. i spent the few decent hours of time i had left of the day running errands with my girlfriend side kick. shes waaay too hot for me (literally a model gymnast), and it makes me feel bad that shes become so accustomed to me that she hardly bats an eyelash at my fruitless existence on the couch in front of the tv. my dad pays my rent and throws a few bucks in my bank account to get me through the weeks. in addition to paying for my insurance, new car, groceries and phone bill. im beginning to think that the free flowing funds are hindering my personal progess through life, but am not at a point where i would renounce them.

sooo anyways, i picked up a few new movies to check out today. mostly i buy dollar vhs from the used book stores around town, occasionally i’ll splurge on a dvd, and i am a big believer in redbox. now please dont go judging my tastes by the following haul. i pride myself in being an eclectic collector with diverse tastes, and will give almost anything a shot. but on this particular day i picked up the following…

VHS from halfpicebooks- saved!, amelie, next friday, one flew over the coocoos nest,and heathers

redbox- julie and julia, paper heart, terminator salvation, harry potter and the half blood prince

i already owned most of the vhs i picked up today. its getting harder and harder to find stuff i want but dont already have. so all the tapes this time around were picked up as presents for my friends and such, save next friday and saved! which i did not have.

me and the girlfriend watched saved together 1st. growing up in a private christian school being no mystery to me, i couldn’t help but reminisce about my own life and times back in school. this movie was at one time even part of my curriculum. but thats another story. my gf had never seen the film so i put it on. plus we have no cable, forgot to mention that maybe, so we rely heavily on our own programming. which can be nice but at times repeditive. ive seen all my favorites literally dozens of times already. sometimes in a row! anyway saved! is good, good performances all around. dawn weiner is in it too. haha. culkin is a crippled and mandy moore plays an awesome bitch.

on to paper heart. never seen it before and i wish i never had. i thought it was aimless. this movie was boring, meandering, vague, and unreedeemingly pointless. the doc/mockumentary style only worstened the contrived plot. over all it was way to broad of a subject and its cute quirkiness just wasnt enough to drive the lack of story anywhere. me and the gf decided to turn it off a little after halfway through.this flick is prolly only suitable for wannabe indie hipsters, wanting to liken it to juno (which i also felt was a poor name dropping mess) or something along those lines.

and then we threw in julie and julia. this one was a coin toss decision at the redbox. wasnt too sure what the movie was about. kinda seemed like a chick flick (but hey i watched “hes just not that into you” and didnt mind). i was thoroughly surprised though, i laughed and greatly enjoyed watching streeps performance the whole way through. this movie was so inspirational for me in many ways too. for one it got me blogging, which i had considered doing before, but only took action after seeing the protagonist of the film do it. plus it’s about cooking, which is an interest of mine. and all the food looks so great in it, i didnt know if i should start blogging or culinary school to be honest. haha. meryl streep was nothing short of amazing, if it were up to me id give her the oscar hands down. she really played the hell out of that role.  overall the movie was kinda chick flicky, but it was still very likable and didnt even have to have scarlett johansson in it to keep my attention.

im currently watching jim jarmusch’s stranger than paradise. ive owned this one on vhs for a while, but have only half watched it. so far its not bad, i enjoy his other films like ghost dog and coffee and cigarettes and even his commentary in the z channel documentary (which i highly recomend to anyone that likes documentaries). i guess we’ll see how the movie, as well as the rest of my day turns out in the next entry.

thinking about maybe staying up during the majority of the daylight hours today. we shall see though. til next time.

craving your comments,

Luke Havergal

Danger from Flavor of Love fame was recently released form a psychiatric ward where she was receiving treatment and showed off her new shaved hairstyle.

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Wow, just ran across this photo… this is fucking hot!!!!

Do not confuse Miss November 2007, Lindsay Wagner, with the 1970’s-era Bionic Woman star and mattress spokesmodel of the same name. This one hails from Nebraska and was a ring girl for the Omaha Fight Club (she’s not in it, so it’s okay for her to talk about it, I guess).

Photographed by Stephen Wayda

I think this may be the first Miss November we’ve seen with a total and complete lack of hair, you know, Down There. Gosh. Pubic alopecia in one so young (barely legal at the time of this shoot) is a tragic thing to see. Breaks the heart. Maybe next time you get a haircut, you could sweep it up and send her a little merkin? Just to keep her warm. Hardwood floors get cold in the winter, y’all.

This Lindsay can’t bend steel, but she’s got a straight right that will have you seeing stars. “We have an Omaha Fight Club,” she says, “and I’m a ring girl when my brothers compete. I don’t fight, but I train in self-defense and practice with a lot of guys.” (“Nebraksa Knockout,” Playboy, November 2007)

“I thought I’d never make Playboy in a million years,” Lindsay says. “I’m confident in the way I look, but you know how girls sometimes have the feeling they’re not good enough to accomplish something?”

I think a shade of that concern shows, but only a shade. I don’t know what these girls think that Playboy is, that they get so nervous. Unless it’s the money that freaks them out — I mean it is a big shot at some pretty good cash if you don’t blow it. I guess that could be spooky. Still, it’s not like a firing squad: it’s just a camera.

The only shot that I think in this spread has any merit, composition-wise, is the centerfold up top. It’s pretty hackneyed at this point to have the girl in men’s clothing like she has just come from raiding your closet, but it’s still cute. And she manages to make it look fresh. The best thing about all these pictures is that she has a nice smile and good eye contact. She doesn’t look frozen or fearful or dramatic. Just friendly and fun-loving. That’s appropriate for her age and how she’s been styled and sold in the interview. Good stuff all around, just not, like “great,” which is totally outside of her control. Her end of the quality is solid. And that is me being really strong and not crazy, because the truth is, she looks to me like my dear friendoh the Cappy’s ex, who you need to know is a no-good slack-cunted slagwhore cumdumpster, and I am battling to keep the strong association I have with her appearance out of my opinion of this nice girl, here, and be fair and not let my head get hot and melt my brain. (I get really, really protective of my friends, to the point that if I find someone has injured them in some way I can turn on that person on a dime *snap* and try to set them on fire with my thoughts.)

You can hit Ms. Wagner up on the myspace (current mood: “sad ” — that is no good at all, maybe you could send her a glittery graphic or something, okay?), but I cannot, as she breaks my Movie Dating Rule: she was born after the release of Mannequin (1987). She can throw me a wink in a couple years, when I’ve once more lowered my standards! I’m thinking next stop, The Sandlot (1993).

Ugh, thanks Playboy cover, for reminding me that, besides being a cheating fuckface in his sporting life, Barry Bonds is also a cheating fuckface off the diamond. He even bought That Woman a house in Scottsdale so he could boff her during spring training while his wife was home with their daughter. Meanwhile, he drug his first wife through a humiliating series of court battles to keep her from getting his earnings, which she wanted to continue to sock away in savings for the education of their two sons. Gar, what a dishonorable goddamned waste of a human being all around he is. Such potential, so many opportunities handed to him, and such terrible choices he has made. Terrible choices. That is so weak. Ugh! Now I’m in a bad mood.

These are all actual poodles, that have been shaved to look like stuff… Yes… My thoughts exactly:

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It takes a rest for a moment with the shaved ice and soft ice cream

Submitted by: james via Engrish Funny Submissions

Snack sign at the golden pavilion in kyoto japan, August 09

I was flying to the US on business, unfortunately in cattle class. It was a day of early January and I new that New England’s weather can be quite cold in that period of the year. I was on the window seat, and next to me there was a lady of around 30, that I thought was travelling together with the other woman occupying the aisle seat. She fell asleep as we took off, as many people do. I was awake and as we started cruising and the entertainment system was activated, I decided to watch a movie.

After a while she woke up and we talked for a while. She was on a long weekend holiday trip with a group of a dozen people or so. The conversation didn’t go on too long, and we mostly spent time watching something on the entertainment system. A few hours later we landed. After immigration, we met again at the baggage collection belt where she finally said “see you later” and left. I thought that “later” meant “outside”, but there was no trace of her on exit. Never mind.

The next day I was browsing the shelves of a media store, when someone tapped my shoulder. With great surprise, it was her. She was with the group and I joined them for a walk. Somehow, we then lost them and carried on by ourselves. We toured the city until dinner time, then it became really cold and she wanted to go for a drink. I didn’t know the city but knew that my residence apartment had all it needed and so I invited her. Her answer was “when will I go back home?”, and my reply “tomorrow, there is space for both”.

We went to my apartment, on the 13th floor of a building located by the river and view of the water. We opened some bubbly and talked quietly. I don’t remember the conversation but things started heating up rather quickly. We kissed passionately and clothes rapidly came off our body. I didn’t like her that much in the beginning, but without clothes and as my hands were running on her body, I realised that she was one of those “false ugly”. In fact, her body, her bum, her legs, were toned and muscular. She wasn’t ready for this, I realised as her legs were not shaven.  I still liked them. Women shave for me is something special, and although I love legs when they are smooth and freshly shaved,  some stubble on a woman’s legs still feels like a turn-on. Her breast was simply explosive. Nothing fake there, all goodness of mother nature. Our mouths were exploring each other’s bodies, savouring every inch. She was hot and wet, and when the foreplay was enough, I jumped on her and pointed it on her aperture, kissing her tongue in the meantime. She knew my size by then and couldn’t mask some apprehension. I played and made my glans wet with her juices, then slowly penetrated her. She was so lubricated and felt comfortable almost immediately. I started thrusting stronger and stronger, soon bringing her to multiple orgasms. I turned her around after a while and pumped her from behind. My tip banging on her cervix made her jerk from time to time but it looked like that she enjoyed that little pain that I caused her.

When I had an orgasm and continued to pump her as if it nothing happened, I felt that she was somehow puzzled and amazed at the same time. There were further orgasms on her side, and another one later on my side. We stopped in a bath of sweat and with no more strength in our muscles. I loved riding her as she had a strong body, one of those that you don manage to get tired very easily. It was one of the best fucks of the last few years.

The following morning she left, we exchanged numbers and carried on with our lives. We couldn’t know how the future would bring us together again… one day I will write the follow-up of this story.

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About a year ago, I went to the store with my mother. My mom is a very conservative woman, while she made sure I knew about sex and love at a younger age than most kids, (out of fear that I’d hear wrong details from kids at school) the discussion of specific sexual acts was pretty much forbidden however. It wasn’t until was in my mid twenties that I was even able to say the word blowjob around my mom without her trying to slap me in the mouth. On this particular trip to the store, I grabbed a disposable razor and tossed it into my cart, without thinking I looked at my mom and said “Gyno appointment tomorrow, need to clean up.” She said one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in response, “Oh Carmen, don’t shave your vagina to go to the doctor, he is going to think you’re a hooker, good girls don’t shave their vaginas!” She took the razor out of my cart and put it back, then spent about fifteen minutes giving me a discourse in feminine hygiene that sounded like something she picked up in the 1950s.

I always think about that moment when I do anything my mom wouldn’t approve of now, especially related to sex. “Oh no Carmen, don’t you dare let your husband tie you to the bed post, what would the neighbors think if they saw that through a window?” “Oh Carmen, don’t walk around in that leather teddy and thong, what if an airplane crashes into your house and the rescue team finds your body laying there dressed in that?” Mom always thought quite a bit about what other people were going to think. Midwesterners tend to be very quiet about sex, yet so vocal with violence. I hear the hunters here in Indiana talking about driving out, waiting for hours in a stand high up in a tree. They rub piss on their shoes to mask their human scents, sip their cheap Folgers from a thermos, and await the prized buck to make an entrance so they can track him, murder him, hang him upside down from a tree and slice him throat to tail. In the same breath, they turn around and talk about risque that latest condom commercial is, and how it’s disgusting to talk about sex on television. They fume over programs promoting safer sex while rinsing blood from their hands.

Often people poke fun, asking me why I haven’t moved to another city to be around more open-minded people. My answer is of course, that my husband and I enjoy living here in Indianapolis. It also brings an exciting element into our relationship, knowing that we share this dark secret and nobody has any idea who we really are. We can lay all our dirty habits right out on the table for each other, and then we truly are naked. At the end of the day, when I come home, slide away that mask I put on every day for the “sane” members of society, and slip into my corset and bonds I feel somehow less restricted.

I always wonder how many people we pass on the street each day who have to hide their secret perversions not only from society but from their partners or even themselves. It excites me to an extent, thinking that Mr. Webber the postmaster might be wearing a leather harness under his uniform, or Mrs. Miller the local church mouse may be securely locked away in her little pink chastity belt. I’m sure there are other people out there like me, hiding away their sexual deviance behind masks of normalcy. I think deep down we all have secrets, we all have little perversions we’d rather hide away, and I truly hope that some day each person gets to experience the total joy of being completely open with their partner.

Shaving is a part of just about every man’s and woman’s daily routine, a dreaded part. Am I going to nick myself? How long will the irritation last this time? Shaving the night before to avoid a rashy red face. Pretty much every man that I know of shaves, and so razor burn can cause huge problem to many people (even women hate this as they get razor burn on their legs and I’m sure that has to be very uncomfortable to walk with and wear panty hose over).

To avoid this affliction, care should be taken to use the correct equipment and technique. Razor burn is a kind of burning sensation that you experience after shaving. This is caused by the razor removing the skins natural moisture and thusly causing irritation. This makes the skin very sensitive, dry, and sometimes inflamed. Shaving is a very unnatural and high friction process and if done incorrectly can quickly irritate your skin.

Sometimes razor burn can be very uncomfortable, and can cause visible rashes and bumps along the face and neck, or any other place that is shaved regularly (there are not any exceptions! So girls beware!). It can be both ugly and painful, in extreme cases it can even lead to scarring due to shaving off and nicking of the bumps and ingrown hairs that can result and this can be very painful and result in an inflammed condition similar to acne vulgaris in its most serious manifestations. People have been using different methods to cure razor burn for centuries.

In almost every case prevention is normally better than a cure, and razor burn is no exception to this. It is much easier and better to prevent razor burn than looking for a treatment after you have got it. After a hair has been shaved, it begins to grow back. When a razor edge harshly moves over the follicle of the hair, it gets broken and injured at the edges. Due to the dirt and other foreign bodies present at the base of the skin, infection of the follicle wound can take place causing itchy red rashes, which can even look like pimples.

These inflamed papules or pustules are the most irritating symptom of Razor burn, they are also quite disfiguring as it causes your skin to look red and blotchy. And with repeated daily shaving and irritation they can even mimic more severe cases of acne and have similar resultant scars. This does not need to happen and can be avoided.