I had planned to tell my Mum on Tuesday night but I opted out of that idea, and decided instead to tell both my parents on Monday night! It was really difficult, I was trying to wait for a break during the dinner conversation to do it but it never came. I was just about to back out when suddenly I heard myself say “Mum, Dad, I’d like to talk to you about something important, if you have a minute”. I was so nervous I didn’t even know it was me that said it until they were both looking right at me asking where I’d like to talk. I felt a big lump in my throat and my tummy was doing flip flops but I managed to squeak out that I had known for a very long time that I was different and I hoped that even if they couldn’t understand that they would at least accept it, and then I came right out and said that I had always wanted to be a girl. My Mum was pretty shocked, more so than I thought she would be especially since I thought she already knew! I was wrong, she didn’t. She didn’t freak out though, she actually already seemed to know quite a bit about the subject somehow. My Dad is take longer to come around, he kept flip flopping between emotions, he wasn’t staying consistent in his opinion on the subject and I wasn’t really surprised, it’s hard to determine how you feel about something you’ve just been told in the first few minutes of having to deal with it.

To my surprise, my Dad instead of my Mum said that he had suspected this was what was going on with me. There was a lot of crying and hugging and expressing our love for each other and that nothing I could do would change that. I was hoping, although I knew it would never happen, that they would be so cool with it they would want to see me dressed immediately. This was not the case! My Dad said that he would rather not see me dressed, my Mum didn’t seem to care one way or the other, I was a little disappointed by that but I should have expected it. It takes time to come to terms with something like that. They’re so used to seeing the fake me that they need time to cope with the idea of there being a girl inside of me.

I’ll include a couple of good lines I used which made things a little bit clearer to my Dad which might be useful to other tgirls when coming out to their parents. My Dad asked what the big difference is in wearing girl clothes, he didn’t understand the significant difference in wearing girl clothes or wearing boy clothes and I asked him, “If you woke up tomorrow morning and the only thing in your wardrobe was a dress and you had to wear that to work, wouldn’t that make you feel uncomfortable?” He agreed that it would, but argued that a lot of girl clothes could be easily passable as a man’s clothes, I countered with, “Sure, but it’s not about how people view you, it’s about how you feel in the clothes. Regardless of whether or not people actually noticed that you’re wearing girl clothes, you would feel as if everyone knows, you would be nervous about them finding out and it would make you feel awkward because it’s not a reflection of who you really are.” That seemed to make a lot of sense to him and he had no more arguments against wearing girl clothes after that. Another good line I used that seemed to make my Dad understand a lot better was that I said, “You two might think upon seeing me in girl clothes for the first time that it’s just me wearing a disguise, but the truth is that it has always been the other way around. This is the disguise,” and I motioned to myself dressed as a boy.

So now after telling my parents, there are only three more significant people I need to tell. My Mum, My Dad, and my best friend Will all know, but my Sister, my Brother, and my other good friend Patrick still need to be informed. My friend Patrick was told by Joanna, the bitch who tried to expose me, but he claims to have not believed her. I’m not sure how much I believe his claim, but he’s about to find out that it’s true after all!

An open letter to the Ontario Ministry of Health and Long-Term Care

by Nikki S., Transgender Columnist

	CAMH Gender Identity Clinic.

Like many others in the trans community, I was pleased to hear that the Liberal government had taken the bold step of re-listing Sex Reassignment Surgery (also known as SRS, GRS, or simply, “the operation”) under the list of OHIP-provided services. When it was removed in 1998, it caused a great deal of hardship to many people.

There’s no question that, for some, SRS is a medical necessity. For those with severe gender dysphoria, SRS is the only cure. No amount of psychotherapy or hormone treatment will alleviate the pain of being disgusted with a major aspect of one’s own body. For those who suffer the most, surgery is the only option, and without access to quality services and medical care, some people choose to undergo this procedure however possible – often with devastating consequences and horrifying results.

It should also be noted that not every person identifying as “trans” desires, or intends to undergo, Sex Reassignment Surgery. It’s a personal decision that each person must make for themselves, and I also believe that a significant period of living in one’s identified gender, combined with hormone therapy, should be part of the education process for anyone who desires SRS. This process is necessary to determine one’s comfort with their new gender role, and to see how the body reacts to the physical and psychological changes brought about by cross-gender hormones. SRS, for male-to-female transsexuals, removes the main producers of testosterone, which leads to major changes in one’s physiology, emotional state, and perception of the world. It’s something that a potential SRS patient needs to be aware of, in order to make an informed decision.

However, after someone has chosen to live permanently in their identified gender, has undergone hormone therapy, and has been properly educated on the limitations and potential complications associated with SRS, the decision should ultimately by up to the individual. As long as they can demonstrate an understanding of what the procedure can and cannot do for them, they should have the opportunity to make this medical decision for themselves. The real tragedy behind re-listing SRS under OHIP is that decision is not in the hands of the individual – it has been placed back in the hands of the CAMH Gender Identity Clinic.

It is not my place to dig up old graves, and re-examine the horrors and despair that this branch of CAMH has wrought upon our community. The cases are well-documented, and are well known to those who have been subjected to their “reparative therapy” over the years. Of particular notoriety is the Child and Adolescent Gender Identity Clinic, which has brought untold pain to children and adolescents who exhibited behaviours not normally associated with their gender. This is not the place where we want decisions about our lives being made for us.

CAMH does not publish their requirements for an SRS recommendation letter, but during a 2006 Ontario Human Rights Commission case, Dr. Robert Dickey, current head of the CAMH Gender Identity Clinic, was asked to testify, and under oath, he outlined the process here: LINK

Articles 36-48 are the ones that deal with the process employed by CAMH.

Now, compare that to the normal standards of care employed elsewhere in the world. WPATH (The World Professional Association for Transgender Health, formerly known as the Harry Benjamin Association) is the worldwide leader in discourse, research, medical recommendations, and all things trans-related. Their Standards of Care are outlined herein: LINK

CAMH’s model differs WPATH’s in many significant areas, including:

Ultimately, SRS is just one of many procedures that a transsexual might require during transition. OHIP will not cover costs for electrolysis or laser hair removal, hormone therapy, breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery, or any travel costs associated with SRS. There are no surgeons in Ontario currently performing surgery, and the only option is a small clinic in Montreal. While the relisting of SRS is a positive development, it is clear that much more work needs to be done.

George Smitherman.

Mr. Smitherman, you deserve a great deal of recognition and commendation for your decision to re-list SRS under OHIP, and restore the services that were removed in 1998. I personally wish to thank you for your bravery and support, and I thank you for taking this important step forward in advancing trans-focused health care services. We are among society’s most disenfranchised and disregarded groups, and this unpopular decision will bring hope to many people who never believed they could gain the piece of mind that SRS will bring. Mr. Smitherman, thank you very much.

Now, Ms. Matthews, I implore you to help us improve these services, and move towards a client-centred, culturally-sensitive model to meet the health needs of the trans community. It is education, and informed choice, that should determine one’s access to surgical procedures – not the rigid pathologization currently employed by CAMH, which casts off and discards so many desperate people that fall outside their unrealistic and outdated expectations.

Ms. Matthews, your predecessor has taken a bold step forward to improve our care. However, leaving OHIP-funded SRS decisions solely in the hands of CAMH would result in two regrettable steps backward. We have a chance to modernize and improve our care for so many Canadians – we cannot allow this opportunity to pass us by. The Sherbourne Health Centre, which currently serves the health care needs of hundreds of trans people, is perfectly poised to help you meet this challenge. The Trans Health Lobby Group, which has worked with Mr. Smitherman on many previous issues, is equipped to help spread awareness, and educate the public on the need for improved services. And, there are thousands of trans people with their own stories to tell, to remind us of the very real human toll that the CAMH model has wrought on our community. We hope you will let us help you with this new challenge, and give us the chance to say our piece. This decision affects us most of all, and we hope you will let our voices be heard.

A Pyrrhic victory is one that has devastating consequences for victors. The re-listing of SRS is, to be sure, a victory for the trans community, and should be celebrated as such. But OHIP-funded SRS, left solely under the iron fist of CAMH’s Gender Identity Clinic, would be a devastating setback for the trans health movement, one with consequences almost as dire as the original 1998 delisting of SRS. A client-centered, multiple-access model, similar to the WPATH and Sherbourne Health Centre standards of care, is what our community truly needs; this would be a true victory for trans people across the province, and a shining example of success for public health care.

Mr. Matthews, please let us help you meet this difficult challenge, so that we might together improve the lives of trans people across Ontario. Thank you for your time, and I welcome your response.

About the writer:

Nikki S. is a transsexual from Toronto, attending University of Toronto for Sexual Diversity Studies and working towards her Master’s in Counselling Psychology. Her goal is to become a psychologist specializing in gender issues and helping others in the GLBT and Trans communities.

She appears regularly at Goodhandy’s as one of the ‘Diamond Girl’ dancers, and is also involved with several community and political organizations working to improve the lives of transpeople everywhere. Her email is agora_nikki@hotmail.com. Check out

Nikki’s other articles: LINK

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by Brianna Austin

	Brianna Austin.

Within every community there are those that find a cause, injustice or revolution for which they can embrace and become passionate. As a community, the gay rights movement demonstrates the power of unified concerns and the tenacity of a common goal. Victor Hugo said it best: “There is nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come.” It seems of late that the transgender movement’s time has come.

Most of us are old enough to have lived through the civil and gay rights movements, feminism and the sexual revolution. Nowadays you see the term and the images of transgender everywhere – in the news, in feature films and on television sitcoms. But in recent years the perception of transgender people by the mainstream seems to have shifted just a bit, and we are portrayed as someone’s brother, cousin or father – in other words we are just regular people with a slightly different lifestyle.

Transgender Warriors Paved The Way So That You Could Go Out on Saturday nights. How Can You Contribute to Advancing Tolerance?

In the larger metropolitan cities around the world we have become familiar, even if we are in some cases not totally accepted, yet that is something that many of us take for granted. Our ability to step out in the light of day was paved by transgender warriors before us, who refused to be less than who they were. And it was that fearless and unrelentless commitment that makes your Saturday night romps possible. They risked losing friends, family, careers, and enduring arrest, mental and/or physical abuse and being socially exiled.

In every movement there are those that put themselves out there as beacon’s of light, in many different ways, to guide those in the shadows and that is still true today. But the real question is WHAT HAVE YOU DONE LATELY? Isn’t this part of your community too, isn’t this part of who you are? Believe it or not it does not take much to make a difference. Some say, “I can’t be in the spotlight – I have to much to lose”. So they attend the local events to “get” what they need and call it a day.

Rose Royale stood before a packed house at the first annual Qwe’re Music Fest this summer in NYC in 2002 and in her soft spoken way challenged the gay, lesbian, trans-variant and transgender community to be inclusive and respectful of one another.

I realized at that moment that everyone could contribute in a powerful way. You don’t have to be a political activist, columnist, performer, celebrity or necessarily visible at all to make a difference – all you have to do is care. “I help out when I can” Rose said to me in a recent interview. Rose, who refers to herself as part drag-queen and part transgender, told me that “if I help one person it makes it all worth while”.

So what can you do? Here is a short list. If you have any other suggestions please leave a comment below.

Respect One Another. Our different opinions, perspectives, and experiences make us rich. Engage in ideas not debate

Be A Postive Light. Simply be kind to the person next to you.

Be Proud of who you are and be of good nature when around those in and outside the community.

Educate the Ignorant and Misinformed. Rose says “I can’t live angry, some people really don’t understand”. Don’t respond with anger, take just a moment to educate if the person is willing to listen

Be A Mentor. Provide advice, experience, friendship, or support to someone just coming out

Support Our Allies. The event promoters, performers, publications, foundations, and retailers provide the creative energy and dollars to expand our universe – support their efforts so they can continue their work.

Spread The Word. If you see, read, hear or experience something that moves you, tell a friend – or two, or three.

We are part of the cultural diversity of society who outwardly expresses ourselves more openly than most of the “mainstream“. We can make of this community, our community, and the way it is perceived by the mainstream, whatever we as a group, are willing to visualize.

Be Victorious Where You Stand – Make a difference.

About the writer:

Brianna Austin is co-author of “I’d Do It Again,” a free lance writer, and publisher of TG Life, LINK, a website by, for and about the transgender community.

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by Rob Mathias

Two University of Oregon doctoral students dove into issues of transgender identities — in the workplace and professional counselling — and surfaced with a call for psychologists and vocational counsellors to not only treat but to act as advocates for their clients — and to help end discrimination in the workplace.

“One of the main points of our paper is that not only do we need to be, as vocational psychologists or career counsellors, working with transgender people at an individual level to help them get hired, but we also need to be doing a lot of social advocacy work — working with employers and workplaces — improving antidiscrimination policies and doing legal advocacy,” said lead author Maya Elin O’Neil.

The study, co-authored by their doctoral adviser Ellen Hawley McWhirter, a professor of counselling psychology, provides transgender-issue terminology related to gender identity, suggestions for addressing problems of both clients and on-the-job difficulties and lists available resources — filling a void in both the academic literature and support possibilities. The study appeared online in February and in print in the March issue of the Journal of Career Development.

“We’ve had lots of requests for reprints of the article from people who have heard about it, and they’ve repeatedly said that there is nothing out there about the workplace angle,” O’Neil said. Request for copies have come from psychologists, vocational counsellors, university administrators, especially those dealing with diversity issues and planning, and even workforce managers, said co-author Alison Cerezo.

O’Neil and Cerezo both are pursing doctorates in counselling psychology. O’Neil also is a statistician and works as a therapist with at-risk youth. Cerezo also studies issues related to college retention and career self-efficacy among Latino/Latina college students.

Borrowing from the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, the authors define “transgender” as an umbrella term that refers to individuals whose gender identity or gender expression falls outside of the stereotypical gender norms. Gender identity refers to “a person’s innate deeply felt psychological identification as male or female, which may not correspond with the person’s body or assigned sex” in a birth certificate. Variants on these terms are included as well, and can encompass individuals who may be gay or lesbian, considering sex-change procedures, or simply uncertain about their own sexual identity.

Transgender people often are victims of transphobia or homophobia and discriminated against in the workplace, either on the job or in the hiring process. Examples of such cases are included as vignettes of victims in the paper. One such vignette is by a transgender male whose birth-assigned sex was female. While taking hormones in preparation for a sex-change operation, he seeks counselling to discuss the timing of the surgery and career implications.

O’Neil and Cerezo noted that there is little in the way of professional guidance for psychologists, vocational counsellors and workplace managers to help them deal with such issues. Counsellors, O’Neil said, need to know the language of transgender people but not force it on their clients. “It is important for people who identify as transgender to decide their own gender pronouns,” Cerezo said. “Psychologists should not decide the pronoun for the identity of their clients.”

“When a gender-variant client presents for career counselling, it is important for the career counsellor to assess whether she or he is competent to provide the services requested,” the authors wrote. “In the case of personal aversion to gender-variant individuals, a referral should be made, followed by continued education, supervision and personal exploration of the topic in preparation for future clients.”

The paper, which the authors described as “a starting point in developing the content knowledge and skills for serving a unique and important population,” includes a comprehensive appendix that provides resources for vocational psychologists and career counsellors who work with transgender and gender-variant clients. Among the listed resources is the American Psychological Association’s Society for the Psychological Study of Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Issues, which has a Committee on Transgender and Gender Variance Issues.

The authors also recommend the National Center for Transgender Equality in Washington, D.C., which tracks discrimination against transgender individuals, and the Portland-based Sylvia Rivera Law Project, which “works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine their gender identity and expression, regardless of income or race, and without facing harassment, discrimination, or violence,” according to its Web site.

Editorial reference: LINK

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I’m going to cover a few topics in this post since I’ve been sort of under the radar lately and have not been able to post. As I’ve been growing as Shauna, I’ve felt the growing pains. Her life keeps expanding and everything around her: my friends and family, are pushing her back. I’ve decided I’m going to tell my mom on Tuesday night because I know that my dad will be out that night. I want to break the news to her first because she’s the most reasonable and is the most likely to take it well. I’m going to ask her not to tell him, to wait for me to decide when, but I’m not sure if she will, especially if they both already know. All it would take is a quick search of my room to find my makeup, my clothes, my wigs. And honestly, I’ve noticed that my parents have been dropping subtle hints lately anyway. The other day my mom made a joke about me dressing in drag. My dad quickly changed the subject like he knew that she had just embarrassed me. My mom and dad have both asked me before “Are you wearing mascara?” and questioned my routine of shaving all my body hair; of which I explained to them that it’s common for men to shave their body hair these days.

Another subject I’d like to touch on is my relationship with Will, my best friend who is a straight man and is the only person I’ve come out to. I’m still quite close with him, and we hang out a lot but he told me recently that he has been telling his friends at university that he has a transgendered friend. I think he may have told them details about some things which I intended to be private between him and I. Betrayal has always hurt me deeply because I’m naturally a very trusting person but I pretended to shrug it off in front of him. My main concern is that he didn’t ask me if it was alright to tell them, especially since I see his friends quite often. I have a completely smooth body and hair down to my shoulders; these guys are university students, they can put 2 and 2 together and it makes me a little nervous about visiting my friend Will in Toronto now.

As far as friends go, my relationship with Will is the only one that’s going well right now. Rebecca simply vanished into thin air and I haven’t heard from her in many months, and I had a total falling out with another natural-born female friend of mine, Joanna. I came out to Joanna and she seemed very accepting of it at first, she even encouraged me to dress up in front of her. What I didn’t know is that she was secretly taking photos of me with her cellphone. She showed them to my other friends, but I quickly threw water on that wildfire before it spread since Joanna is well known for making up lies and without directly seeing the evidence, nobody would believe her. My word against hers was good enough and that faded into the background after only a couple of weeks. Still, it did hurt me deep and taught me a very valuable lesson: You might think you can trust someone until you let it all out, then you’ll see their true colours.

On a happy note, I have made a new friend that I’m very excited about! He lives pretty far away from me, a little under an hour drive, but I feel like this is the first man I’ve had a real connection with beyond the physical. I didn’t find him terribly sexy until I started to talk to him, which is normal for me, I’ve always been more attracted to personality than looks. We have so much in common and the conversation flows so naturally. He’s intelligent, he gets my jokes, and he’s young and energetic. I went over to his house this weekend to have a few beers and chat. I had convinced myself that I was going to take it slow this time, not to rush into anything, but I succumbed to desire after a couple of hours of chatting with him. I felt so feminine around him, I could totally be myself without having to hold anything back. He was so sweet that I felt my resolve not to do the dirty deed on the first date draining quickly. Eventually he went in for the kiss and we fooled around on the couch before moving to the bedroom. Afterward we cuddled on the couch, talked and kissed and felt the warmth of each others bodies. It was a magical night for me, and I hope for him too. We made plans to see each other the following weekend and I’m so excited to see him again! I only hope that he’s legit in his expression of desire for me and that he wasn’t just lying to get laid like so many guys do. Only time will tell!

by Traci Lawson

	Delilah Vaniity Kotero.

Vaniity’s birth name Pedro Mora Kotero (aka Delilah Vaniity Kotero). She is an explicit transsexual film actress, who was born in Uruapan, Mexico on July 26, 1973. Her family migrated to Sunnyvale, northern California in the United States when she was seven years old. Vaniity comes from a large family, she has six brothers and four sisters.

Brandy Scott from SexualTranssexuals.com says, “Almost from the very beginning of her notoriety, Vaniity has generated her share of followers including me. To be sure, all other TS star wanna-be’s owe just a little something to Vaniity’s bigger-than-life persona.”

Many fans have come out to see her at various Conventions.

Brandy Scott also says, “Nevertheless, Miss V. herself put it best when she proclaimed in an earlier interview what ardent fans have known all along: “There is only one Vaniity!” Indeed. Could the world handle more exotic beauty – I don’t think so!”

Early Life

According to Vaniity, she was a feminine boy who subconsciously knew he would grow up to be a girl; “I dreamed of being a wonder woman of sorts, I have always admired strong women, especially brunette women, I secretly wore my sisters dresses, openly played with Barbies, played makeup artist & fashion consultant to my mother and sister.”

Physical appearance

Vaniitys’ appearance is extremely feminine and even her voice is feminine (which is natural), She claims not to have had any femininity surgeries. Her measurements are 36D-26-36 and she is 5′ 10″ tall. She is currently a pre-op transwoman and does not plan to have sex reassignment surgery.

Sexual preference

In Vaniity’s Yahoo Group site, the question was asked “I was just curious if you were ever attracted to females in real life, and if you ever follow through with those attractions. Do you have sex with just men, or do women come into the mix? (when i say women, I mean GG, so please dont take offence: ” Vaniity answered: “I love women and I think you’re all beautiful, but I’d be lying if I told you that I’m into girls. I have a weak spot for men. I love masculinity…”

Awards

In 2004 she became the first transsexual woman to win an AVN award.

She won the AVN Award for Transsexual Performer of The Year, 2004.

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by Abby Ehmann

	Allanah Starr.

The stunning Allanah Starr is New York City’s transsexual queen of all media, starring in films, radio, television, nightlife and the Internet. From Communist Cuba to the biggest city in America, Allanah has sculpted herself a new self and an enormous niche in the TVTS community. Eros Zine asked her to take some time out of her busy schedule to tell us all about her multifaceted life.

Eros Correspondent: Tell us a little bit about your background. When did you initially realize that you were “different?”

Allanah Starr: I was born under the Communist regime in Cuba and migrated to the U.S. when I was five years old. People always ask me how our family was able to leave; the reason is simple. My father was a political prisoner and they wanted him out. I grew up in Miami, but have lived in New York City for seven years now.

Ever since I can remember I have always felt extremely effeminate. I know it sounds very classic and cliché for someone in my circumstance, but I truly was never interested in boy’s toys or games. I always wanted to play with dolls and dress up and play house. I didn’t really realize I was different from anyone else until I was in kindergarten and the school kids started calling me a sissy and a faggot. I was totally in shock, because at five years old I really had no understanding what that meant. My parents had completely sheltered me and school was definitely a rude awakening. I basically dealt with that harassment constantly for 12 years of my schooling.

Through all that, I somehow managed to excel in my studies and become an awarded member of the high school’s speech/debate and drama teams. (I fit in much better with the drama kids.) Back then, there was a lot less intolerance of effeminate boys in schools. Being a bully was not discussed as it is today, and, trust me, I was bullied my whole life.

After high school, I went to an arts school for two years and began dressing up soon after that. Slowly, I began to evolve, discover my true identity and look into my options regarding my physical transformation. It took me a while to figure it out, but I have been living as a woman now for nine years and it was definitely the best decision I ever made regarding my personal happiness. I am 100% certain this was my destiny and that I was born with a gender identify disorder. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a girl.

Allanah Starr.

EZ: You appear to be very involved in the local TVTS community. Tell us about your events.

Allanah: A lot of people have told me that they see me as a role model for the community. I really do not see myself as a role model because I am nowhere near perfect, but I do accept that as a great compliment. A lot of transsexuals have very hard lives, and though I have had my share of very bad times, I am a deep-hearted optimist and believe that things will always improve if you want them to improve.

I guess the term “role model” may be applied to anyone who achieves goals that are far beyond what is expected of them from society. And I truly believe society does not have very high expectations of transsexual women. When I set out to do my website, not only did I want to create a business, but I wanted to create a fan site and an information site, especially to help admirers understand the life more.

The events came about because I was sick of going to tranny parties that were completely horrible. I believed that the girls and admirers deserved good, upscale places to come together and party. For me to be involved in a project it has to be fun and creative. Hence why all the monthly parties have themes and decorations, costumes, etc. Yes, I could spend a lot less money by cutting out those elements, but that would make it not worthwhile for me. I’m interested in representing the community in a positive way and showing people that, yes, you can be a transsexual and be a businesswoman and accomplish goals.

Unfortunately we as transsexuals have to fight against many stereotypes and misconceptions, and we are discriminated against all the time. Just recently, I was denied entrance to a popular gay nightclub in Manhattan, Splash, because they were not letting in transsexuals or women that night. It’s sad but true that, in this day and age, in one of the most progressive cities in the world, it can happen to anyone.

EZ: How did you wind up being an event promoter?

Allanah: Just as I became an accidental New Yorker, you could say I became an accidental party promoter. I really never thought I would end up doing parties. The idea came to me as more of a promotional vehicle to improve my website memberships. I collaborated with a TS promoter at the time who had a party, and I figured I would advertise and do the party as a promotion for my website, with a personal appearance by me. I really didn’t think many people would show up, but we ended up with about 250 guys in attendance.

I then realized something was sorely missing in the TS nightlife scene, so I began to do parties here and there without much organization or without an idea of what I was really doing. It took a while to get the formula down, but I must admit, the events and parties now are so much fun. I know for a fact there is nothing like my monthly events anywhere else in the world, and I am very proud of that.

EZ: And how did you wind up making movies?

Allanah: My career in films was something that I wanted to do to complement my web work and to help me promote myself. I really don’t get to do too many of them because most of the business in is in California. I’ve appeared in about 12 features so far, but at the moment I will work with only very few producers and directors.

It’s hard for a transsexual adult actress, because the system is not set up to make you a “star.” There are no contract star transsexuals, and no big companies pushing a particular girl. A lot of producers will only shoot a girl once, then move on to the next. This, of course, is not the case with all of the top names today, but there are indeed very few top names in the industry that work on a regular basis. It’s quite a disposable business, I suppose. So it’s up to the actress to fight the industry and create her own name recognition and product.

EZ: You’ve been on a million TV shows. What’s Maury Povich like?

Allanah: I’ve made four appearances on the Maury Povich show and I have enjoyed all of them. Doing the show is publicity for me. The producers are all very nice people and though I’ve only really shaken Mr. Povich’s hand at the show, he seems very polite and cordial.

There is a reason why they do these types of shows: they are very popular. People always ask me is Mr. Povich into the girls, because they do so many of these shows. That is a bunch of rubbish and wishful thinking. The show is very professional and the ratings are good, and that’s why they do so many. After my last appearance, I received over 100 fan letters from people who saw me on the show. I’ve gotten a lot of flack from some transsexuals because they feel the show represents the community in a bad way. I personally would prefer if they would use the word transsexual, rather than man as the reveal point, but I understand that it’s entertainment and they are appealing to a certain audience.

I live openly as a transsexual, so I have no problems in revealing my sexual identity. Again, the show is pure publicity vehicle for me. Someone can hear my name on the show, Google it, and voila, they discover the world of Allanah Starr. There are a lot of guys who have become interested in transsexuals from watching those shows.

But most importantly, I think the show does a great job of blurring the lines of gender. The audiences always think that the genetic women on the show were born male. It makes a valid point that you can’t always tell or define male and female features. There are genetic women who are tall, have big hands, big feet, big backs, and there are transsexuals who have small hands, small feet and small backs. As long as I represent myself well, I’m always happy with my appearances on Maury.

EZ: And you’ve been a cover girl a million magazines. You really are quite a media star. Do people recognize you on the street?

Allanah: Well, I do get recognized periodically, but it’s usually in peculiar ways. Guys tend to be a little shy, so if they don’t approach me, they usually send me an email about seeing me. It’s all rather sweet. There’s a homeless man who “lives” on the corner of my block and every time I pass by he yells “Hello, Star!” I’m not sure if he knows, but it’s quite amusing regardless.

EZ: You are very up front about your plastic surgeries. What was your first?

Allanah: Plastic surgery has changed my life, and I am deeply grateful for all of the doctors who had made my life better. I’m very honest about myself, my surgeries and my work. I’ve had 30 actual surgeries and countless procedures. Of course, I plan to do much more. My first operations were my nose job and an otoplasty (I had my ears pinned back). Since then, it has become a hobby of mine. I always say I collect shoes, handbags, Hollywood memorabilia and surgeries.

EZ: What’s next?

I’m always having something touched up, but I would now like to do my forehead contouring, another brow lift and reshape my hairline. People tell me all the time, “Oh, you don’t need this stuff! You look great!” But I really don’t have surgeries to please anyone other than myself. Then, after they see the result of what I had done that they didn’t want me to do, they agree that it does look much better. I have an excellent eye for detail, which can actually be a bit of a curse because I’m always finding imperfections. Not that I’m trying to look perfect, but just the best that I can look for me.

EZ: You’ve posed for many photographers. Do you have a favourite?

Allanah: I’ve been very fortunate to work with photographers like Tony Ward, Misa Martin, Maya Guez and many others, but I must admit that Misa Martin is more than a photographer, she is a close friend. She exclusively shoots 99% of the content for my website and we have an outstanding relationship. Misa is my favorite because we work very well and very fast together. She knows what I like and that we can shoot, edit and be done in an hour or two when we are shooting for my website. I love that because I’m usually on a tight schedule and she understands that.

EZ: We love Misa too! What was your favourite photo shoot?

Allanah: My favourite photo shoot has yet to happen [laughs]. I like many of the sets, but I’m not sure if any one is my complete favorite. I’m extremely picky about my photographs and if I’m usually about 80% happy with a photo, then that’s pretty good. I’m definitely my own toughest critic, especially when it comes to my photographs.

EZ: What are your inspirations?

Allanah: I’m really inspired by so many people, artists and mediums that I could probably write a long dissertation about what has inspired me at different points in my life. However, I’m always inspired by stars of the golden age of Hollywood and women like Elizabeth Taylor, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Jayne Mansfield, Sophia Loren, Gloria Swanson, some for their beauty others for their talent.

I am inspired by films like Sunset Boulevard, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane, Mommie Dearest, all the John Waters films, and so many more, all for different reasons as well.

I’m inspired by many artists like Mondrian, Dali and The Chapman Brothers, to name a few. Fashion is also a great inspiration for me and I’m very enthusiastic about Thierry Mugler, Vivienne Westwood, John Galliano, Alexander McQueen, all designers who are visionaries. I could go on an on, but my inspirations are really an eclectic mix. I am inspired as much by Dolly Parton as I am Jocelyn Wildenstein.

EZ: Do you have any fetishes?

Allanah: I have a lot of traditionally sexual fetishes that not are non-sexual for me, like high heels and large boobs. I guess I have aesthetic fetishes. I’m turned on by beauty and beautiful things!

EZ: Do you run your own web site?

Allanah: Yes. I’m not the CEO of my site, but I am the “star,” creative director and producer. We have a webmaster who does all the technical work, but I do produce all the content and direct operations. As far as my new party site, ShemaleEvents.com, that is exclusively run by me and my webmaster.

EZ: What are your fans like?

Allanah: My fans are very gracious individuals who are from all walks of life and all over the world. Sometimes I’m shocked at some of the fan mail I receive because they’re all so kind and thankful. I have everyone from professionals to artists to blue collar workers, who are fond of me. I receive email from all over the world, including Africa, the Middle East and even a couple from Iceland. I’m deeply grateful to anyone who takes the time out to write me a note of appreciation.

What I’m most proud of is all the thank-you notes I get from gentlemen who read all of the contents in the free area of my website and about my life, experiences and opinions on what it means to be attracted to a transsexual. A lot of men who are first introduced into this world may have a lot of trepidation or fears and I try to explain to them that they are not alone.

This is a huge interest. My website gets 4,000 to 6,000 unique hits a day. The problem is that no one talks about it because, in a way, transsexuals are one of the last sexual taboos because of all of the stigmas attached to being sexually attracted to a transsexual. There is no language to describe a man or a woman who likes a transsexual sexually. Perhaps it is because transsexualism is a relatively modern scientific phenomenon.

My fans are indeed great. My gratitude for their kindness cannot really be expressed. All I can say is that I’m grateful beyond belief to all of them for their interest in me.

EZ: Okay, so TV shows, magazines, porn videos, web sites, parties…is there anything you don’t do?

Allanah: Well, I’m waiting for the TV sitcom and movie script and book deal to come around [laughs]. The truth is, I’m a very ambitious person and I would like to try my hand at many things. During my life, I’ve held many careers, and these current jobs as an adult actress, model, web mistress, party promoter, columnist, TS personality. I think they suit me well. I would love to do much, much more. I am so very lucky to have all the opportunities I’ve had and will keep on knocking on more doors searching for new ones.

EZ: What exciting things do you have coming up?

Allanah: There are a few exciting projects that I have finished and I am working on. One is MTV’s I Want a Famous Face which I filmed with my dear friend Gia Darling (who is the subject of the show). I’m very excited because the show has been selected as the season finale for the series and will be airing on MTV June 15.

I’m travelling to Europe soon to appear on the live panel of UK’s Channel 5 hit program Cosmetic Surgery Live (for which I already filmed an interview and my surgery). I’m thrilled as it will be the first time I’ll appear on live TV. I also recently finished filming a segment for Playboy TV’s Sexcetera, which focused on myself, Gia Darling, Joanna Jet and Danielle Foxxx. It’s a documentary based on one of my events. Of course, I’m continuing with my weekly Thursday parties and monthly parties the last Friday of every month.

And a group and I are developing the first ever Adult Transsexual Awards show, which will honor excellence in all mediums of transsexual adult entertainment, from film to magazines to websites. I’m particularly excited about that project because I know that we’re often overlooked by the mainstream adult industry. It’s really about time we got the recognition we deserve, as transsexual erotica is a huge and viable part of the adult industry. And beyond those projects, I wish for bigger boobs, higher heels, bigger hair and longer lashes!

EZ: Well, we can look forward to all of that with you! Thank you, Allanah.

Interview courtesy of Eros-London.com

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jaja todo un owned, , bien torcido xD

by Nikki S, Transgender Columnist

	The new Ontario Driver’s License – easier to change than a passport.

The line stretches around the corner of the office, and moves predictably slowly; like most government bureaus, efficiency is the least of their concerns. However, I wait patiently in line, trying to contain my excitement.

I glance around at the other people in the Ministry of Transportation office, trying to guess why they’re here. The lady behind me with her obnoxious two-year-old seems like she’s just updating her sticker, and can’t get out of there soon enough. The elderly gentleman in front of me is quietly reciting the letters on the eye chart, in hopes that he can prove his eyesight is clear enough to retain his license. And then there’s the impatient yuppie at the back of the line, complaining about having to smog-test his Porsche.

I smile, because my business is of an entirely different nature. I’m not here for a license renewal, sticker, or smog test – these concerns seem downright trivial by comparison. This is a major rite of passage for me, an experience that every transsexual yearns for; I am preparing to receive my first official, government-issued, female ID.

I’ve read the web page hundreds of times, so I know exactly what to bring with me. I have a letter to the MTO, indicating my request for a permanent change to my gender designation. I have a letter from my doctor, who verifies that the change is appropriate. I have my legal name change form, my vehicle ownership, and my old driver’s license. Finally, I have a printout of the MTO web page, explaining the MTO’s policy on Gender Designation Change — Found herein: LINK

Finally, I reach the front of the line, and approach the girl at the counter. She’s obviously a temp, on summer vacation from high school; she’s disinterested and eagerly awaiting her lunch break. She looks up at me, bored look on her face, and asks me in that bureaucratic monotone where all the words seem to run together, “hi-how-can-I-help-you. ”

Excited, yet relaxed, I hand the pile of papers to the girl, with the MTO page on top. I smile, and say, “I’d like to get this change processed, please.” I watch, slightly amused, as she reads the Gender Designation Change web page, blinks twice, and looks up at me, face filled with surprise. She looks back at the page, back up at me, back at the page, and calls her supervisor over to the desk.

The supervisor walks over, with the same bored look on her face. She reads over the top page, and gives me a double-take of her own; then, she flips through the rest of the paperwork, trying to balance her surprise and confusion with her desire to maintain a professional demeanour. When they finally see the picture on my now-ancient license, both their jaws drop to the floor, and the temp nearly falls out of her chair.

Moments like these used to feel awkward and uncomfortable; I’ve never met any transsexual who enjoys “outing” themselves, particularly in a government office or public place. However, I’ve found that, no matter how awkward it feels for me, it’s usually much harder for the person I’m dealing with. Most people are good-natured and decent, generally tolerant and accepting, but when they’re caught by surprise, they don’t know how to react. They get flustered easily, and they’re afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. But a little bit of understanding – in both directions – goes a long way.

So, I lean in towards the counter, and say softly, “look, I’m sure this isn’t the type of request you process every day, so take your time, make sure everything’s there, and we’ll get through this, ok?” I smile warmly, and both the supervisor and temp relax. The supervisor takes one more look through my documents, and says, “Ok, everything looks good, so let’s get this taken care of.” She smiles, meeting my eyes for the first time, and walks away.

After that, the temp flies through the paperwork with a big smile, and a twinkle in her eye. She takes a new picture, gets me to sign the forms authorizing the name and gender change, and prints out a new vehicle ownership form. Finally, she prints out a new Temporary Driver’s License – slightly different name, slightly different Driver’s License number, and very different sex designation – an “F” where there was once an “M.” She tells me that I should expect the picture card within 3-6 weeks, and wishes me a wonderful afternoon.

I thank her for her patience and understanding, and wish her a nice day as well. I gather my papers, smile at her once more, and leave the MTO. My heels click loudly on the linoleum, but I feel as if I’m walking on air. It’s hard to contain the elation I feel, but I find myself making one last, frivolous wish as I walk through the door. .

Oh, how I wish I could be a fly on the wall of the lunchroom when she goes on break!

It’s funny how our society regulates gender so rigidly. Some pieces, like a Driver’s License or passport, make it very difficult to change. Other pieces, like a SIN card or the old red-and-white Health Card, don’t even bother to display gender at all. When someone asks for ID, most people barely even glance at “sex” because they’re focused on the name, date of birth, and picture. But when your legally-assigned sex doesn’t match your presentation, every request for ID holds the potential for embarrassment or humiliation, and feels like a gross invasion of privacy.

So why do we even ask for sex in the first place? Is it because we’re so used to putting ourselves (and others) into easily-understood boxes, and we never stop to think why these boxes exist? Is this to limit what men and women are allowed to do, and where they’re allowed to go? Does gender exist to dictate exactly what men and women are allowed to do with each other? Or is it simply a way of perpetuating the myth that there are only two biological sexes?

I don’t really have the answer to this question, but one thing is certain – most people are completely clueless as to what gender really means. It’s not simply about being “male” or “female,” nor is it a question of “masculine” or “feminine.” We’re all simply trying to perform our best imitation of what a “man” or “woman” is expected to be. However, the great tragedy is that nobody knows exactly what these terms really mean.

As Kate Bornstein says:

There’s no such thing as a typical man, or a typical woman – these terms change over time, and differ between cultures. There’s no perfect definition, no exact formula to “make” someone a man or woman – we’re just taking our best guess, and trying to copy the imperfect examples we see all around us.

What differentiates women from men in our society? Size? Shape? Other physical factors? Men, on average, are slightly larger than women, but there are plenty of small men and large women – there’s more variation amongst each group than there are differences between them. Long hair? Breasts? Clothes? Plenty of men grow their hair, and many develop breasts (called gynecomastia) during puberty due to hormonal overload. And fashion changes like the weather; look at clothing styles from the Renaissance, and try to picture someone dressing like that today.

Genitalia? What about the 1-4% of the population estimated to be intersex, with some combination of male and female genitalia? And what about someone who’s genitalia is altered by other factors? Does a man, who has an accident that destroys his penis, stop being a man? Does a woman, forced to have an emergency hysterectomy, stop being a woman? Obviously not, but these scenarios prove that genitals alone cannot determine one’s gender.

What about chromosomes? This might seem like the best way to tell the sexes apart, but any doctor will tell you that we’re much more diverse than simply XX or XY. There are countless variations, including XXY, XYY, XO, XXX, XXYY, and a whole range of others. One’s karyotype (genetic makeup) doesn’t always determine their gender either.

So, without anything that defines, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what a “man” or “woman” actually means, how can we determine which box we have to fit ourselves into? Or what if neither box fits?

At the end of the day, you alone can make this decision. When you were born, your doctor took a quick peek, and announced, “It’s a ______!” And from that day forth, your whole life has been dictated by those expectations. If they fit for you, and feel comfortable, then the doctor probably guessed right. But if not, then it’s up to you to decide who you are – and how you decide to identify yourself.

About the writer:

Nikki S. is a transsexual scholar and writer, attending U of T for Sexual Diversity Studies and working towards her Master’s in Counselling Psychology. Her goal is to become a psychologist specializing in assisting with gender transition, and plans to continue volunteering in GLBT and Trans organizations.

She appears regularly as a Diamond Girl Dancer at Goodhandy’s in Toronto and The Lounge in Mississauga (see Ladyplus.com for details and schedule) and can be reached via e-mail at agora_nikki@hotmail.com.

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