I’m going through tough times. The longer it lasts, the more unbearable it gets. There are challenges that are fun to take up. But working up to 14h-16h/day, days, nights and week ends, with the constant feeling not to do enough and solely for the sake of working and holding on is definitely not part of these ones.

Up to early December, it was still OK. But as everyone leaves on winter break, I start to feel how different things are for me this year.

“Social life” is a word I never used that much to describe how I don’t have one. Whenever I take a break and hang out with friends, I feel guilty not being working.

I used to be someone fun to be around. I don’t even have any time left to be around anyone anymore, and I’m turning into someone boring and bitter. I develop the ability to complain about everything -never experienced before.

I used to take care of myself. That’s over. I look tired and ugly. “Date”? What’s that word again?

And food? As the store are all closed when I go back home at 23.00, I hang on coffee, nicotine, and crap.

That how my fridges has been for... months.

Holding on as I might to keep smiling and take things the positive way, the truth is that I’m a wreck. I’m just tired.

I’m working as I never worked before and I get so exhausted that at some points, it feels like all my efforts are just being pointless and useless.

So yep, when in addition to all of that I have to hunt cockroaches in my apartment, I crack up.

If I knew from the beginning that this year would be hard, I had no idea how… And well, while writing it down, I can’t help laughing. Nervously I guess.

I don’t know how I manage to remain confident, but I think that finally, I’ll make it. Yeah well, I’ll make it…

Funny t-shirt about the undo shortcut

Ctrl + Z Because Shit Happens - T-Shirt by Lamborati

http://www.zazzle.com.au/ctrl_z_because_t_shirt-235341112241598883

More funny designs by Lamborati:
http://www.zazzle.com.au/lamborati/gifts

Why. Won’t. This. Facebook. Application. Load??

It’s been over a year now, that I haven’t return to my hometown Quimper. Since I got back to France, I more or less considered taking a couple of days off to go back, without really caring about it.

But lately, I got good reasons to believe that Christmas could be my last opportunity to see (almost) all my family gathered at our place before a long period of time.

Who knows where I’ll be and what I’ll do in two months? (It became quite usual now, not to know where I’ll be and what I’ll do in a matter of weeks…)

Even though I don’t like Christmas, this thought got me to reconsider my plans for this week, to gather my courage, and to make this last-minute decision to buy plane tickets to Quimper.

Ever since I left the parental house –five years ago, I’ve somehow managed to escape Christmas celebrations. If in most families, it’s a happy-cheerful reunion that everyone loves. In mine Christmas is more of a representation where everybody fakes to be all we’re not, in which my mother endeavors herself to make everyone happy, with more or less success. Which is a dreadful show I hate to attend.

Last year, I spent Christmas alone in my apartment in Stockholm, sick like hell. At that time I knew almost nobody, I had no internet, I had only three words of english and my swedish was nonexistant. I had to walk to the hospital with my 40° fever, and to manage getting healthcare with no language skills and brain-in-syrup.

At least this year, it can only get better! (see, I’m not such of an old-bitter-desperate spinster

And you, how are you gonna celebrate Christmas this year?

Meet Nee Nee in black and white… We hereby assure that no harm was done to the tiny animal ;D

He is just too cute!

If I die today, tell Thomas I liked him.

The milk I just took a whole gulp of tasted more like bad yoghurt.

What was I thinking then when I saw you?

Obviously nothing.

This makes my skin crawl.

Sympayhique – Pink Martini

“it’s time for friday’s mys“

“Mysa”, as “fika”, is one of these words of swedish describing things that are so cultural that it can’t be translated.

It’s all about to chill out home, and to enjoy doing nothing. It’s also a highly cultural swedish activity I was really good at

Mysigt!

There is even a commercial about the “fredagsmys” concept (for a chips brand :p), which of I love the lyrics!!!

Det finns en dag då man kan andas ut - there is a day we can breathe
Man slipper chefens tjat och kommer hem till slut – we escape the boss and finally head back home
Since I moved here all I do is mysa mys (Yes we do) (no need to translate here
Det är dags för fredagsmys om det så är det sista jag gör – It’s time for fredagsmys, which will be the last thing I’ll do

Snart är de fredagsmys – It’s soon fredagsmys!
Hoppas inte föräldrarna stör – hopping the parents wont disturb
Nu är det slut på veckan – It’s now the end of the week
De är dags för fredagsmys – It’s time for fredagsmys
En soffa och ett ljus, ett bord med massa gott – A sofa, a lamp, and a table full of good stuff
Man kopplar av ihop och mumsar i sig nåt - We chill out together and crunch in something
its totally (mysa x6)

De är dags för fredagsmys – It’s time for fredagsmys
Från kontor till amor – from the office to… (love?
Snart är det fredagsmys – It’s soon fredagsmys
Man drar till tjejen den bor - Guys take their girl back home (not sure about this one…)
Nu är de slut på veckan – It’s now the end of the week
Det är dags för fredagsmyyyyyyyyss – It’s time for fredagsmys!

So you got it, fredagsmys in other words means : “to enjoy a cosy and lazy friday night after a rough week of work…”

Which is exactly what I’m not gonna do tonight.

I must be done with my thesis in two weeks (early january), as I am applying for a master degree at Stockholms University the 15th of January.

The 14th of January, I have a general knowledge exam for which I have to prepare nine press reviews, on nine subjects as boring as possible. Of course I have to know all of them by heart.

The 11th of January I have to hand in my internship report (that I haven’t started yet)

Shall I remind you that it’s been three months that I’m working during days, and study until 9/10pm?

Ooooh and I almost forgot about the week of exams I have… starting the 18th of January…

Sounds like a joke? It still does to my hears too…

No fredagsmys for me tonight, but a shit huge load of work. After my week-end in Stockholm last week, if need was, I’m definitely back to reality…

Some days are just crappier than usual.

Mosquito bit my face.

STOP SQUEEZING YOUR BODY AGAINST ME JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO JUMP QUEUE.

… Ass.

“Hi, this is a no trolley queue.”

“Okay lor. Ah boy! We take the things out of the trolley then can liao lor!”

… Ass.

“Hey, what your budget ah? I think you all cannot afford our clothes.”

… Ass.

“Hi, how much is this top?”

“20 dollars if you can fit in.”

… Ass.

Paris, 17h35, I’m running under the rain, in heels, my 10 kilo luggage dragging behind me, red in face, pouring sweat, panting loudly, my eyes darting in despair for the shuttle that I have to take. Or should have taken, I don’t know yet….

You got it : Today, I’m flying.

17h39 : one minute left before the shuttle leaves. A huge queue sticks me at the ticket desk, but warmed up by the previous Stiletto Race remake, I manage to get in the bus 10 seconds before it leaves.

19h30 : We’re still in Paris, stuck in the traffic jams. The shuttle arrives two hours late, ie : 10 minutes before the boarding gate for the flight to Stockholm closes…

20h30 : Here we are, I’m running again.

Endeavour as I might to buy and pack the perfect luggage in order to meet Ryan Air’s restrictions, I don’t pass the control- consisting in putting my amorously made package in a case, as mine doesn’t fit in.

Where there is a will, there is a way… 3 attempts to reorganize my luggage and to push it hard in the case later, it finally fits in so well that it gets stuck.

20.40 : Don’t ask me how, but I’m in the aircraft.

00.50 : Stockholm, Central Station, running again to get the last train, which  leaves at… 00.50. I arrive on the platform, push the button of the trains door, and hear a voice behind me : “Det här går inte” (this one doesn’t leave…). No, of course! the one I have to take is behind me. Leaving…

01.00 : I had to take the metro, and I am now walking from Solna Centrum to Gökboet -kind of a distance…

Despite the tiredness, the cold and the heels, I love being here

My swedish phone rings, a worried flatmate willing to know what happens… Here I am, at last!

But shit, how did that happened… AGAIN?

I guess the simpler way of explaining my constant predicaments whenever I fly is this : I’m cursed…

I’d like to thank master flatmate meatball, who’s the one who takes my strugglings consequences each time, and has been waiting for me to arrive yesterday, until 2.00

Thank you

i will be going on a non-fried food and meat free diet this week. i hate to be on diet but i am so fat that i can’t recognise myself.

of food and fats. to fast or to feast?

I quit.

me : Halo saya Jenifer (sambil mengangkat alis tinggi-tinggi).
bpk: Oh yaa,,,sekarang nama-nya Jenifer? Bapak sih lebih suka namamu yang sebenarnya, simpel.

Saya masih ingat betul kejadian ini. Di sebuah kota kecil di pulau Sumatera. Saat itu usia saya baru 10 tahun, selalu berkepang dua, tidak punya teman bermain dan bercita-cita menjadi gadis populer seperti Laura, si cantik keturunan India-Arab-Cina-Indonesia. Laura disukai oleh semua anak laki-laki di sekolah termasuk Peter, seorang anak kecil ganteng keturunan Amerika. Ya, saya iri…sangat iri. Saat itu saya punya satu tujuan yitu merubah diri saya seperti Laura. Langkah pertama, dimulai dari merubah nama saya yang sangat Indonesia menjadi Jenifer.

Saat ini saya tahu itu bodoh.

Itu yang membuat saya berhenti. Saya tidak ingin hidup seperti orang lain. Saya tidak peduli apakah mereka sukses, bahagia, tidak bahagia, mencapai sesuatu atau pendapat mereka terhadap sesuatu. Saya tidak peduli. Saya bahkan tidak mengenal mereka. Dan tidak tertarik untuk mengetahui detil kehidupan mereka atau sifat mereka. Karena saya tahu, saya akan kembali terseret rasa iri itu. Saya tidak ingin menilai, oleh karena itu lebih baik saya hanya tersenyum dari jauh kepada mereka tentu-nya di kehidupan nyata.

Dan pagi ini, rasanya lebih indah. Karena saya tidak tahu apa-apa. Seperti sebelum saya menjadi Jenifer.

Ok, ok, it’s nothing new, and you might have figured that out already : I do miss Sweden.

Of course a part of it is due to the fact that I miss the life I had there. Being freshly arrived in a new country, having everything to learn and discover was obviously way more exciting than just working my ass off, not knowing what the future will throw on my way.

But beyond the simple fact that I had many much more occasions to have fun up there than in Paris, it’s the country that I miss.

I miss the people being polite, respectful, clean and non-intrusive.

I miss the space and the calm, in the streets, in the apartments, in the metro, in the stores, in the bars, in the caffés, on the terraces,… I miss the landscapes, the parks, the lakes, the water, the woods, the islands, the nature,…  I miss the total absence of pollution, and the fact the I could breathe without coughing all the time.

I  miss living in a clean city, absolutely free of any dodgy place.

I miss knowing why the third of my salary goes the government. I miss life being simple and paperwork-free.

I miss Stockholm, Söder, and Solna.

I miss the fact that whenever I needed to chill out, I could just pick a book, and go to take some rest in a park, or in a caffè.

I miss taking time to live. (Ok, probably my current schedule doesn’t help to feel good neither)

Pieces of Sweden

In Sweden, I wouldn’t have to wait three months of assessment to be payed back for the health care I need. I could subscribe again to some swedish courses. Or history. Whatever, I could do it for free.

In other words, in Sweden, I would know where the third of my salary goes. And yes, I enjoyed to pay so much taxes in Sweden.

There, I wouldn’t have to wait being in my thirties to buy my own apartment, in a place where there would be light in the stairwell (I don’t) , and where I wouldn’t fear to be mugged anytime I step foot outside…

Of course, if I was not a student, I could live in a nicer neighbourhood,  but after all, there are no places in Paris I’d enjoy living as much as I would on Södermalm.

I simply would like to be able to go for a walk in a calm park nearby my place on Sundays, take some fresh air and sit down for a while with a caffe latte and some good music in the iPod.

It’s not much to ask, but it requires a lot of work and a long way to go, in order to be able to live this life again.

The closest 7 eleven, 1000 km away from Paris

Paris starts to bring me down, and I’m not quite sure I’ll get anything good out of that.

Some might find it cheesy, ridiculous or whatever. But yes, it’s been some weeks that I feel country sick, in my own hometown.

Which sucks, really.

officially rained on. neck scarf promoted to head scarf. wrapped tight but still my hair is wet. bag big enough to hold an umbrella. but it doesn’t. pity the huge can of gold hairspray that happens to be in its place can’t magically shield me. a delightful splash of water from the bus. followed by the tube being delayed. and then the discovery that my house keys have not travelled with me. large portion of chicken wings eases the pain. until the disheartening slience of a dead batteried ipod. god must be laughing his ass off.

Okay…so everyone knows it is Black 50L Friday in SL, and I haven’t had a chance to look at the feeds, but I imagine everything has been blogged already.  *sad face*  I am going to show a few things I picked up, a few of my very favorites, but I also wanted to show stuff from Dark Mouse that is also on sale through the 30th! 
I got a notice this morning that Dark Mouse is participating in the Artist’s Voice event and there are a ton of things in the store marked down to 50L, plus fatpacks of those items are only 100L!! 
Anyone who knows me at all knows I adore Dark Mouse jewelry and own a ton of it.  I went this morning and picked up a ton more.    This is a wonderful opportunity to pick up some of the most original and well made  jewelry on the grid!

First up though…some of my 50L Friday faves…

(click for larger)

~These boots from Surf Couture are wonderful!  I love them and now want them in every color!  The texturing is absolutely fabulous and so realistic.
~The skin from Tyranny…I can’t even say how much I love it.  There will be facial close-ups coming up, and wait until you see the lips on this skin.   Also, you get to choose from all the skin tones!
~The sweater from Doppleganger is amazing.  It comes with 3 different colors of under blouse, or you can wear it without, and also prim color and cuffs.  Love it!
~The hair is by lamb and there are 2 other styles out for 50L also.  I love this one…very, very cute!
~The leggings are by Sh*t Happens and there are 4 different patterns to choose from and you get a fat pack of each pattern for only 50L!  I chose the stripes. 
~The tree is from Botanical and there are 2 to choose from, one with snow, which I got, and one without.  They even come with a shadow!
~The cute denim skirt is not part of 50L Friday, but it is free!  It is part of a group gift from Whonose.  You want to join the subscriber and then you can choose this gift from the history.

Skin:  Tyranny Designs Dinah in Fall Toast Radio  50L 
Sweater:  Doppleganger Inc.  Forester Sweater Red 50L 
Boots:  Surf Couture Elsa Boots Stjordal 50L 
Leggings:  Sh*t Happens Stripey Leggings White (fatpack)  50L 
Bracelet:  Dark Mouse Abstract Extravagance in Mercury 50L or 100L for full set 
Hair:  Lamb Bang Bang Ink  50L 
Mouth Thing:  Clawtooth Holiday Candy Cane (part of Black Widow Hair Set)
Skirt:  WhoNose Group Gift Sanna Berry Outfit Skirt Only (join subscribo, check history)  Free
Tree:  Botanical Snowy Holiday Fir Small  50L 

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~This cute dress is from L’Abel for 50L Friday and the hair is by Clawtooth.  There are 2 styles at Clawtooth and I bought both but couldn’t work the other one in.  The other one includes the mouth candy cane I am wearing in the first photo.  And see how nice this Tyranny skin is?  I love everything about the face! 
~And this is one of the jewelry sets on sale at Dark Mouse for only 50L, called Mussed Up. 

Dress:  L’Abel Cara Black Minidress  50L 
Jewelry:  Dark Mouse Mussed Up Set Copper/Black  50L
Hair:  Clawtooth Somebody’s Lady Autumn Mix  50L

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~In the first photo, I mixed up two of the Dark Mouse jewelry sets…I think they look kind of nice together.

Necklace:  Dark Mouse Black & White Drama (silver)  50L or 100L for full set
Earrings:  Dark Mouse Abstract Extravagance in Mercury  50L or 100L for full set

Necklace and Earrings:  Dark Mouse Vintage Carnival (silver)  50L

(click for larger)

~In the first photo, I am wearing one of the Tiny Bird hairs for 50L Friday.  You get 2 styles for 50L, and there is also a unisex set of two styles available.
~The tank is part of a freebie set at the LVS Drive location of Kissed by Lithium.

Necklace and Earrings:  Dark Mouse Retro Glamour (silver)  50L
Hair:  Tiny Bird Girl Anachronism Caramel  50L 
Tank:  Kissed By Lithium Free Gift Trio of Tanks Brown (LVS Drive)  Free 

Necklace and Earrings:  Dark Mouse Vintage Speakeasy Gold  50L 

Poses:  Penny Dreadful Arcade  and LAP

Вот так замечательно сгорела проводка в новом доме. С 5 по 12 этажи. 2 часа нервов были обеспечены. Квартиры от огня не пострадали, но были задымлены очень сильно. Если ближе к 12-13 этажам дышать можно было уже через час, то в квартирах на центральных этажах я бы не стал оставаться на ночь.

12-й этаж

11-й этаж

10-й этаж

Ниже спускаться я не стал т.к. закономерность налицо, да и на нижних этажах была ужастаная задымленность, дышать было практически нечем, уровень воды достигал 5-7 см, желания намочить ноги у меня не оказалось…