Good news is, no mono! I have a throat infection that is apparently very common now because the weather changes so quickly. He gave me some antibiotics and some medicine for the pain, and I should be feeling good as new by tomorrow. He was so nice–he didn’t even make me pay because he said: “I never make university students pay because I was once a university student myself.” There are good people all over the world. He gave me the clear to go to Florence this weekend as long as I take my medicine and stay warm and dry. Patrizia let me borrow one of her heavy jackets so I should be good to go. We have WiFi at our hotel so I should be able to post tonight!

Until then…ciao!

When you know me better, you’ll know the thing I hate most in the world is lateness. I’ve never handed in an assignment late, I’ve never been late for a bus, I’ve never been anything but early or on time to an event…and today, I’ve learnt another reason why I hate lateness.

Of course, although I hate lateness, you can never account for other people. If you rely on someone else for getting somewhere, they can make you late. When you plan a cinema trip with friends, they can be late showing up and make you all late. And when you put your trust in a guy, he can make you late too.

It’s reached that point, Baby, where people will begin to realise it’s not just in my head. Although I’ve believed from the start that you were there, others will have said, in the technical phrase, that that was fooey. Science doesn’t support feelings. Science doesn’t support instinct, etc, etc. Well, I guess science can except the fact that today, despite my best efforts, I am late. And I’m never late.

I have to admit, Baby, that the last week I’ve been trying to believe that there were other reasons for pains, and for a while things changed. And I thought, ‘Maybe I was wrong, after all. Maybe Friday will finally prove me wrong.’ But here we are, late.

I haven’t gotten any closer to wanting to tell anybody, and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t want to disappoint my mother by saying this. Her and Dad struggle so much to make finances meet. I don’t want them to have to support me because I was so stupid. I’ll have to go it alone. Ironic that a few months ago, I sneered at the thought of a well-educated, intelligent girl having to be on Benefits. Now it looks like they’re all we’ve got, Baby. I’m considering telling your Father that I’m not late. You’ve never really featured in his life plans, Baby. I don’t want to be the one to ruin his dreams. And he loves me now, but maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but some day he won’t. It terrifies me that we could be safe with him, Baby, and then he will suddenly leave us. That would actually be worse than us being alone from the start.

Is it crazy that I want us to just disappear, Baby? Just pack a bag, get on a plane, and disappear. I have one free flight saved up in Airmiles. That could get us somewhere. We could just drop all contact. Move away. Tell no one our new address.

Or there’s another way I want to escape. But that means the end to both of us, Baby.

Truthfully, Baby? We’re alone. No man is an island, but you and I are. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the cliff, with only one way down. And I’m terrified of heights. I don’t like being alone. I like laughter and conversation and noise. I don’t like hearing the silence.

But I can’t be here. Alone. Shameful. An embarassment to my family. None of my friends have babies. None of my sisters. None of my cousins. It’s just me. I’ve let my mother and father down. Small towns don’t have places for ‘girls like me’. Which is horrible, because up until right now, I’ve never been a ‘girl like me’.

I’m out of options, Baby. And I’m truly sorry that all you’ll have is me. Because I haven’t got a clue how to support myself, or be grown up, or be your mother. I’m a coward. I’m terrified. I’m not ready for this.

All I want to do is fly away.

Here’s looking at you, Kid.

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Alkisah sodara-sodaraku sebangsa dan setanah air, dari hari Rabu malem minggu lalu gue sakit! Jadi dari tanggal 15 gitu badan gue udah meriang dan ga enak banget, bawaannya menggigil mulu, dan besoknya gue malah tambah parah.. Tapi apadaya hari Kamis gue ada persiapan presentasi hari Jumat, terus hari Sabtu ada gladi bersih nari buat lomba di gereja, plus Nyokap ulang taon, akhirnya gue tetep kukuh aktivitas kaya biasa…

Eh kaga taunya hari Minggu malem gue nge-drop…

Dan alhasil selama seminggu ini gue bolos kuliah…

Laptop pun baru nyentuh lagi dua tiga hari ini…

T___T

Entah ini gue sakit apaan, yang jelas berkat muntah-muntah 10 hari ini gue berharap berat gue turun 10 kilo biar sepadan sama perjuangan gue… huahahahaha

.

.

oke, sekarang gue mau balik ke kasur~ gue masih belom sehat bener ini, masih belom bisa makan banyak-banyak

Dan boyok gue masih sakiiit banget rasanya… huhuhuhu

Adios

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p.s. makasih buat ucapannya ke nyokap maaf baru baca hari ini huehehehehee

p.p.s. apa nasib kuliah gue iniiiiii RAWR

When I was young, I lived for my father, whom was practically excluded from the family. He was different. He was alone. That one new year night, he left the house with me following and crying, begging him to stay. I was his only alliance. I lived for him. 

When I grew a bit bigger, I lived for my mother, who shouldered the whole family in her care. She was a petite woman who had to do just everything for this house. She slept with one eye open. She ate half a bowl. My family was rich, thanks to her earning the most and spending the least. I never wanted to part this familiar town, but she wished for my sake, I had left for good. 

When I left for Canada, I lived for my cousin, who does nothing but sleep days after days. I did schoolworks for her. Bought meals for her. Took the exam for her. Everything for her. Only for her to receive a special halfday cut-off from school to sleep, and a free 40 hours volunteers while I shouldered twice the amount a regular student would do. I never got things for myself. I questioned myself. I questioned my mom, only to find her questioning me back how could I be so selfish. I questioned any kind of god why do I exist like a tool for others. I never knew.

I was nothing unlike a servant, stumbling up and down the house running errands for my father and my brother. I gave up my sleep for my two lazy cousins who are always so deep in slumber forgetting their mother carrying everything in her sleep and just longing for a meal with family gathered. 

And my role for those friends I’ve made back in schooldays, was only the cashing machine. 

Everything changed when I met him. I thought, I could finally meet someone who would spare a thought, to think about me. I was overjoyed. Only to find my heart smashed in two. Then I realized when we have come a long enough way to get familiar with each other, things will get the same as it has ever been. If I want something for myself, he opposes, he ignores, he insists what he wants more. If I gave up my will doing things for him, he calls me a puppet. 

In the end, everyone wants things for themselves. Whoever’s stupid enough to be kind, is the one they would take for granted. Even if it can never be enough, they will never be satisfied. 

And now I question where my life would direct to. Almost half of my life I lived for others, should I just end this meaningless life right here, or should I continue to kneel under their wish to please themselves stepping on others. 

I never knew. 

765

Spent most of the day sleeping, or reading, and then for a few brief hours, I got up and went to see the new Star Trek film, which was even better than the first in my opinion, and then came home and slept for another 5 hours because walking thirty feet and sitting in a cold movie theatre for 2 hours was just too much activity. Sigh.

But on the plus side, I’m officially 3 hours into a writing challenge that two of my writing groups are doing this weekend. The 48hr novel, encourages you to write 15k in two days. I’m psyched. Having recently woken up from my post Star Trek nap, I’m pumped to get writing in a little while! Hopefully it’ll push me to get a little ahead. Here’s hoping I don’t collapse and sleep for 36 hrs… cause it’s entirely possible. Cheers!

If you need a writing pick me up, please join us, and comment below your word counts, as you near midnight on the 25th.

Asked to state feelings about James Loumiet in 3 minutes:

Internet lover phone lover lies

Rainy

Snuck out

12 years old

QuikTrip

Cars

Black SUV

Got in

Nervous

His hand on my leg

Shaking

Wet

Trembleing

Cold

Drive

Motel

I go in first and wait for him to come in

I see candy on the table

He asks if im ok, if i need his shirt?

I say no thankyou.

Take these wet clothes off so we can dry them

Took hoodie off

Felt my virgin breasts, squeezed them

Gross tongue in my mouth

Brought me to bed

Takes off my pants

Licks me

Stare at ceiling

Nervous

please stop please stop

I can smell the shampoo he uses

Why was James Louimeit not mentioned? BLOCK

Asked to state feelings about James Loumiet in 3 minutes:

Internet lover phone lover lies

Rainy

Snuck out

12 years old

QuikTrip

Cars

Black SUV

Got in

Nervous

His hand on my leg

Shaking

Wet

Trembleing

Cold

Drive

Motel

I go in first and wait for him to come in

I see candy on the table

He asks if im ok, if i need his shirt?

I say no thankyou.

Take these wet clothes off so we can dry them

Took hoodie off

Felt my virgin breasts, squeezed them

Gross tongue in my mouth

Brought me to bed

Takes off my pants

Licks me

Stare at ceiling

Nervous

please stop please stop

I can smell the shampoo he uses

It was an amazing night, except for the part where I infected everyone with a deadly disease.

Okay, not deadly exactly. But it was pretty bad. Let me explain. The weekend before grad my cousin flew in from Toronto for my grandma’s birthday shindig, and she was supposed to sing and play piano at the party, except that she had an awful cold and had lost her voice. I didn’t think anything of it. I probably hugged her fifteen or so times. I might have even shared a glass with her or something, I don’t remember.

Anyway, flash forward to that Monday night, when I’m suddenly running a fever of like 1000 degrees (1000 degrees Celsius, not Fahrenheit obviously). Tuesday I spent laying on the couch catching up on General Hospital and feeling like I was swallowing razorblades. Finally, Wednesday I started feeling more like a human and less like a snot machine. Yesss I thought. I’ll be better just in time for grad! Except Thursday was rainy, and it was also the divisional track meet and soccer practice back to back. In other words, Kay outside in the rain all day. Great way to cure a cold, seriously, I so recommend it.

Friday was grad day and I was too excited to care that my throat was sore. I shoved some tissues in my clutch and popped an Advil cold and sucked it up. I was the prettiest booger monster the world had ever seen.

As far as anyone can tell, the infection started to spread at the after-grad party. There was a fair amount of beer cup sharing and shot glass sharing (apparently alcohol doesn’t sterilize as well as we’d thought) and 40 people sleeping on the floor of one person’s basement is never exactly germ free. Also, pulling an all nighter as Jan, Sar, Dee, and I did is not a good disease fighting technique either.

We didn’t have to go to school until Wednesday, but even so, the casualties from the pandemic were evident when I walked into class that day. Dee, Jo, and Alt were all missing (Jo and Alt are dating, so it’s kind of implied that when one is sick, they’re both sick). Mat walked in late with bags under his eyes, and Jan sat quietly in the corner with a tissue box. Sniffles were coming from every direction. The only ones who were safe from the pandemic seemed to be Vee and Andy, most likely because they spent most of the party in one of the bedrooms doing who knows what.

Was the fun we had at grad worth spreading my disease to all my friends? I think so, but obviously I can’t speak for them. It is worth mentioning that I got the worst of it. All day Saturday I literally couldn’t speak at all.

Even now, nearly a week later, my throat is still burning and people are still dropping from the dread disease. At this point, it could last indefinitely. If I were you guys, I would start stashing canned goods and hiding in your basement. I wouldn’t say no to those surgeon mask things either. This is getting pretty intense. If you don’t hear from me again…I’m probably the first casualty of what will soon be a worldwide pandemic.

And all in the name of grad.

I’m tired. My son B has been sick with some virus that caused him to have hives since last Friday.  We finally received some meds for him on Monday after the urgent care doctor failed to give us anything on Saturday…resulting in a very long weekend and one miserable baby boy. The hives have finally receded and he seems to be well again.  Because of the hives we have not been outdoors since last Friday except for in the evenings for a short period of time.  And other than going to the doctors and school two days this week I have not left the house. I’m tired.  I’m tired of being in the house all day long. I’m tired of not being able to get a decent nights sleep. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of being tired.  I’m tired of my husband D being supportive but not really. I’m tired of feeling ignored. I’m tired of thinking about graduate school applications. I’m tired of homework and feeling like I’ve hardly learned anything this last year and a half. I’m tired of reading about violence in the news and tired of hearing/reading about all of the hate toward Muslim’s and the assumptions that all Muslims are terrorist. I’m tired of people’s selfishness. I’m tired of seeing people talking on their cell phones while driving. I’m tired of people being concerned only with themselves while millions are suffering in the world (the Rohingya people in Burma for example). I’m tired of being aware of the millions of women and girls that are subjected to violence daily and I cannot do much other than spread awareness. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t say I’m tired of being a mom, wife and student somedays without there being some repercussion in my house. I’m tired of not having enough time to sit and have conversations over coffee with my friends.

“I’m so tired, I haven’t slept a wink

I’m so tired, my mind is on the blink

I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink…”

The Beatles

i got 9 hours sleep and i still can barely keep my eyes open.
If anyone has any ideas why my body is trying to kill me… please let me know :\

It’s been a rough week. What was supposed to be a restful week off from court (more on that later) turned into caring for a sick toddler, and then myself, after I found out I had thrush from breastfeeding.

A week off? Silly me.

Tiny Boss came down with a fever a couple days ago. No other symptoms, so all I could do was bring the fever down, keep him comfortable and snuggle with him as much as he wanted.

Unfortunately, as luck would have it, I contracted thrush, which means that not only does breastfeeding feel akin to sticking your nipples into a lamprey’s mouth (other mothers describe it as shards of glass in the breast), but Tiny Boss was also unable to comfortably breastfeed. So he’s been miserable. I’m telling myself there’s a silver lining. Perhaps he’ll finally wean?

Not breastfeeding friendly.
Source: http://www.fws.gov/midwest/marquette/

Last night, on day two of fever with no other symptoms other than some ear pulling, I decided to give Tiny Boss some of his leftover ear drops from his last ear infection. A couple hours later – coincidence or not – his fever was gone and he was back to his usual way of wearing me out – running around, grabbing stuff, spilling stuff, throwing stuff and just in general doing all sorts of stuff he’s not supposed to do.

Based on last night’s success, I elicit my husband’s help this morning in giving Tiny Boss another round of ear drops. Four drops, left ear only, easy enough, right?

WRONG.

In my defense, it was early, it was dark, and my contacts were sticking to my eyelids.

“IT’S SPILLING OUT OF HIS EARS!” My husband started yelling.

Apparently the drops were coming out of the dispenser but I just couldn’t see them, so I had been steadily squeezing a stream of antibiotics into his ear. How many drops did I give him?

“Like, maybe 10?”

“He’ll be fine,” I said, sounding much more confident than I felt.

That confidence quickly wore off, however, because Tiny Boss began to cry. Loudly. With tears and everything. What could be wrong? Did his ear hurt from the sudden, unexpected flood of liquid? Did some of it trickle down to his throat? DID I JUST POISON MY BABY?

The offending drops

I had no idea, so I did what every health practitioner hates (I only assume this because I hate it when my clients do their own legal research) – I turned to Google.

Unfortunately, “put too many ear drops” only turned up with two relevant hits.

The first one was from Yaboo! answers by some poor sap who used too many ear drops in one ear and now couldn’t hear. The second was a fact sheet from the New Zealand government for Cilodex, which sounds close enough to our prescribed brand of ear drops, Ciprodex.

For Cilodex, you’re supposed to rinse the ear(s) with warm water immediately and call a pharmacist or doctor “if you use too much (overdose).”

Wait, so you can overdose on ear drops? As far as the ear rinsing, I wasn’t even going to go there. It was too early to call the pharmacy, and I didn’t want to hear any lectures about not finishing the ear drops last time or using the drops this time without being prescribed.

The poison control center would be my best bet. 24 hours a day, staffed by MDs, RNs and pharmacists.

“My name is Steve. What can I help you with?”

“Um, I accidentally gave my son too many ear drops.”

“Sure. What’s your son’s name?”

“Raynor.”

“Full name please.”

And then he wanted my full name, and by this time I was pretty sure it was to call CPS or the cops if necessary, or at least to add me to the state roster of bad moms.

“How many drops is he supposed to have?”

“Four.”

“And how many did you give him?”

“Uh, maybe 10?”

“Oh boy.” Seriously. The man said that. But then he said these magical, beautiful words, words that were rang sweeter than Susan Boyle’s voice and brought more relief than Rolaids.

“He’ll be fine.”

Apparently you can’t really overdose on antibiotics, and since he didn’t ingest them, he probably won’t even get the stomachache, vomiting and diarrhea that is usually associated with taking too much of an antibiotic. Tiny Boss had used these ear drops many times before, so an allergic reaction wouldn’t be a concern, either.

Silver lining: I learned about antibiotics overdose and after today you’ll never find a more precise ear drop administrator this side of the Mississippi.

After that, everything indeed was fine, that is, until Tiny Boss managed to simultaneously spill a smoothie and tea on the coffee table and the dog ate my fried rice.

Silver lining? My coffee table hasn’t been looked this clean in months. Fried rice is unhealthy, anyways.

Shortly thereafter, I realized I did not have the day off and I did, in fact, have to go to court today.

To quote Liz Lemon: blerg.

Source: http://lizlemongifs.tumblr.com/

Silver lining, anyone?

Gonna be going to Cali soon!
Super excited for that

Well time to get dinner started and all that fun stuff.

Gotta Run

Firstly, at this very moment, I should be at Uni, in a maths tutorial, sitting next to my amazing boyfriend. We probably wouldn’t be learning much in this class, but at least he’d have company. Instead I’m still in his bed, half asleep, snap chatting to him. He got up, being careful not to wake me, got ready without waking me and left for Uni, leaving me a note to say where he is. He had to tip toe around his own room for me :-/
Now granted, I do have a throbbing head ache, and haven’t been feeling very well the last few days, but I am definitely well enough to be in class with him. Also, without me distracting him, he’s probably learning the content. But all that aside, I still feel incredibly bad.
Also, this whole semester I’ve been pretty complacent when it comes to study. I’m not failing, but I’m not getting the high marks I used to get at my old degree. It’s silly that this bothers me. I mean, that’s was my aim this semester, to not over do it, and be happy to pass, without stressing myself into a anxiety/depression storm. That is what I’m doing! I just need to get used to it maybe.

Secondly, I just got an exciting call from one of my sisters. She just weighed in at 58kg! A few months ago she was 67kg. This sister has always had a smokin’ body, as she is very disciplined, with a mostly clean diet and consistent exercise, and has a job that keeps are active. But she also has 2 kids! I’m a lazy Uni student who has gained weight. I have a lot of time to exercise, and I know how easy it is to eat clean. It doesn’t even have to be expensive. My lightest was at 68.9kg. I was really confident at that weight. Then I got comfortable, stop trying, and slowly over 9 months, I’m back to the high 70s… Maybe even low 80s! I’m too scared to check.
I still feel confident in myself, and love myself, but I much prefer 68kg Tanya. I know what I need to do to fix it. I know how easy it is. So why haven’t I? That’s why I feel guilty.

Now I could use this as a turning point. I could go to the shops, stock up on clean food, and start running and doing yoga, or join the gym (which I’ve been thinking about). I could step up with Uni, smash out my impending exams. I should do this. Time will tell if I do or not!

This is what I have been doing for the last week and 4 days! Heated blanket, school work from home, Netflix, Hulu, reading magazines, May Cause Miracles, sleep, sleep, and more sleep. All this downtime honestly has been pretty depressing. As soon as I feel better, I feel bad again.

I think I am finally at the end of the sickness, however the depression seems to be lingering and the lack of energy.

On a positive note… I don’t believe that I have gained any weight back so that is a awesome thing! I’ve ate pretty clean, not perfect, but I figured since I couldn’t work out, I could at least eat clean and not gain weight. So, I feel like when I get to the gym I am starting all over. Maybe, tomorrow I will make it to the gym and see where I am at. I finally feel like the cloud in my head is lifted.

Memorial day weekend, no big plans, weather isn’t going to be very nice. But, if I catch up with school and make it to the gym a couple times and get some at home yoga in, I will be a happy camper!

I know that…. I am only one workout away from a good mood!!!!!

I feel like I am BACK and ready to get back on my mission! Summer is almost here. Usually, it IS here at this time of year. I am NOT bikini ready. But, I have NOT given up! On the contrary, I am more determined than ever! Going to have to get a one piece that I will be able to get rid of soon!

When I wrote my last blog entry on April 30th(yes, its been too long), I had just finished a nice afternoon run before heading off to see The Lumineers at Copps Coliseum later that night. At no point would I have believed I would be sick the next 2-3 days. I felt dead. I couldnt breathe with a head cold and ridiculously stuffed up. Needless to say, May got off to a slow start.

A week later, I had a two day trip with my girlfriend. We took off on our short little getaway to Ottawa. We got to catch up with friends, tour the parliament, enjoy the beauty of the tulip festival. But the main attraction was going to the Ottawa Senators playoff game on May 7th. Ottawa ended up ousting Montreal with a 3-2 overtime win. Overall it was a really fun couple days and by the time it ended both me and the girlfriend decided that it should’ve been longer… Ottawa is beautiful!

Anyways, after 22 days, I need to run 70.97km to be on pace for 100km again this month. Currently, im sitting at 69.05km. So I’m 1.92km behind where I need to be. Not bad considering the illness and distractions. Running a simple 5.15km puts me right back on pace tonight. But I need to get ahead. Im going to see Dave Matthews Band on May 28th and will not be able to run that night. I need to be at 90km give or take by the time the 27th is overwith. I guess we shall see. Off to run!

I love, especially since having Hannah, when one of my lovelies has a birthday. It’s one of the few times I actually get out.

I love Hannah but no one fully understands how much I miss my girls.

Since high school we have been a tight knit group. There for each other through our ups and downs…god there’s been a few.

I decided a few weeks ago that it didn’t matter if I and the girls only went for a McDonalds. I was spending my birthday with them. After last year’s disastrous birthday it was a must!

Knowing that you are not going to have all your friends out at the same time does get to you, especially when you miss them so much. Would you believe it’s only when we plan weekends away or it’s a very special event that we all get to see each other.

It’s true what they say though – a friendship that can last through distance and time is a keeper! Girls…we are all stuck together for life! Ha!

Last year was one of the worst birthdays I have ever encountered! I was going out with the worst guy in history, I was on the worst holiday I have ever been on and I was feeling the worst I have ever felt in my entire life! All due to this complete waste of space of a person.

I spent my birthday in Ibiza last year. My friends will tell you that I love Ibiza – he ruined it for me! The holiday was meant to be a nice relaxing holiday; he decided to get blitzed beyond recognition nearly every night – to the extent that most nights he couldn’t remember getting home or what he done/said. The day of my actual birthday was spent with him spending his day in the toilet! But it was my entire fault! People with drinking and anger issues generally do blame those closest to them at the time for their problems. Muggins here got the brunt of everything!!

By the end of that relationship I was a wreck! He tore me down that much that I lost who I was. Depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence all kicked in.

If it wasn’t for the love of my daughter, my friends and my family I don’t know what would have happened to me.

Everyone gets hurt at some point in relationships but its ensuring you don’t make the same mistake again that is the lesson you have to learn. I will never let what he done to me happen again. I will never let anyone hurt me emotionally again or even physically. I will never lose who I am again.

What a difference a year makes. This year I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. I am surrounded by the best friends that anyone can ever ask for. I spend time with the family members that mean the world to me. My job in the past year has been the best it’s been so far. I don’t keep anything negative in my life now!!

The simple saying that “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours” is so true!

So I just want to take a moment to say thank you so much to everyone for all the birthday messages. It means a lot to me. I had an amazing birthday and they really meant so much to me!

Another year and another number added to my age.

Always celebrate and enjoy the little things in life – those are the ones that you will look back on and cherish the most!!

Monique- “U home?”

Shanise- “No.”

Me- “Who me? No I’m at doc.”

Monique- “U off work for another year?”

Me- “Lol I’m not hurt fool just sick and it’s not clearing up.”

Monique- “Stop sucking that diiiiiiick”

Me- “U r dumb”

Me- “I waxed my lip and burned it plus I got a huge zit on my chin under my lip…I’m looking real suspect right now too”

Monique- “Send me a pic”

I hate being sick! Looking in the mirror at myself right now, I look a real mess! Pale, face sucked up thin, dark circles around my eyes, burnt upper lip, huge inflamed zit on my chin, body aching, ears and throat hurting…and this is day seven!

Sick fucks up life for me. Not that sick makes life easy for anyone else but I really hate being sick and I mean for real sick. Usually my sick wares off after a portion of the day and that gives me the okay to go out later that night since I’m not at work. Then I wake up in the morning feeling bad again but the same thing happens. But this was some for real shit. I mean I’m laying in the bed with no energy to move, so you know I ain’t showered in a couple days. Laying there, grasping my own throat like I’m trying to choke myself but really trying to aid in the pain of swallowing, staring into oblivion as I sit there and listen to the TV, on real low because any noise makes me feel worse. Like I’m sick!

So I’m just stuck sick in bed, voice gone and crying. With my hands grasped around my throat I start getting real irritated and begin rubbing my chin. I notice two thick hairs on my chin and immediately I’m more grossed out. I hate being sick! Now I’m totally itching and have to find energy to get up to go wash my face. I get my 4x mag mirror and examine my face; time to wax. I am not ashamed. I get a little extra facial hair; we all do. So anyways, it’s time to wax but I’m so exhausted with sickness, I have to go lay back down.

Two more days of this pass. Same routine; sore throat, grasping, chin hair, itching, exhausted, etc. Totally grossed out now, I heat up my home wax kit and get to work. Burning my upper real good in the smile corner, I started treating the wound with Neosporin ointment and got my Crisco look on. I have sensitive skin as it is and oily. The extra oil from the Neosporin caused a huge inflamed zit to form. My burn is scabbing over. The left side of my face is swollen because both the burn and zit activity in the corner area of my mouth. I’m pale, sucked up thin face, I got a scarf around my head and neck; neither of which are matching. I’m wearing huge baggy cargo sweats, a skimpy tank top, bra showing, jean jacket on, flip flops with ashy feet…there isn’t much of a difference between me and a crackhead right now.

When you sick, you don’t give a fuck what you look like. When you a crackhead, you don’t care what you look like because you think you look good. Either way, I had some crackhead couture going on today!

Pretty much everyone around me:

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Promise.

My day started normal, it was the first day of my menstrual cycle so I was a little funky.  I usually get cramps, but nothing so bad I have to stay home or I’m not able to function.  Yesterday was an exception. 

Around 10am, my cramps weren’t getting any better so I took some ibuprofen from a co-worker.  About 10-15 minutes later, I decided just to work a half-day. Then it started going downhill from there. The pain from the cramps got so severe, I nearly passed out. 

One of the gals called 911 for an ambulance and while waiting for it to come I laid on the floor.  Probably not the best option but I didn’t care at that point. 

Now, here’s the real embarrassing part.  We have Emergency Response Teams at work, one of my bosses is the ERT on my floor but he was off for the day.  The ERT member that came, I have talked with and have had lunch together with.  Not planned lunches mind you, but still we kind of have a history.  

So, I’m laying on the ground and I’m surrounded my by co-workers (all women, thank you!) and he walks up.  I’m like, ‘oh god, really’.  I try to sit up to play off like it wasn’t that bad, but it was.  It really was.  I tried to give him a smile, but apparently at that time I was pretty grey in the face.  Not a good look I’m told.

The EMT’s came and got me, loaded me onto the gurney.  And this is when I decided to throw up.  Perfect timing to, another co-worker was just getting there and that is what she saw.

They got me down to the ambulance and got me all sensored up, I had13 sensors on me.  My blood pressure had dropped, this is what caused me to throw up.  They gave me something for the pain but couldn’t give me more due to my blood pressure being low.

Ooh, highlight, they turned on their lights for me.  That’s pretty cool, right?

I got to the hospital and the EMT’s and the head nurse almost had a throw down on where to put me.  She said “Triage”, he said “we’re not putting her in Triage”, and she said “she’s going to Triage, I have a nurse down there right now.”  Apparently they didn’t have any rooms available.  Funny thing though, once in Triage they decided to move me to a room.

A couple of hours and two ultra sounds later showed that I had an ovarian cyst rupture.  Yay! Never thought it would hurt that much, but now I know.

My manager had come with me, and I think she got to know more about me than she ever wanted to.  I’m grateful she came though.  I had one of my co-workers call my mom, and she got there about an hour later.  Poor mom, she had some wrangling to do to find out where I was taken.

I’m mostly better now, a little sore and a little tired.  I did come to work today, I think mainly to show people I was okay.  I did scare a few co-workers yesterday.