Buen compilado de artistas de gran nivel, como Sick Addiction, Spector, Brainwash, D.N.I. por decir algunos.

Receptor

01. Alienn – Spiritual Melodie
02. Sidhartha – The Archdruid
03. Haxirai Vs Zaraus – Clokruz
04. Sick Addiction – Green Bellies
05. Spector – Bivalve
06. Metal Wizard – Inquisition Legacy
07. Atyss – Politix
08. Ignition Feat. A-Mush – Trip
09. Brainwash – Powerfull Impulse
10. D.N.I. – Psychedelic Entity

Pass: Psylien

Om!

Alienn mais conhecido como Patrick Ferreira residente hoje na Suíça, mas com verdadeira origem Portuguesa. Como a grande maioria dos DJ’s ele começou misturando música eletrônica fazendo vários tipos de remix até que ele ouviu o famoso e encantador psy-trance e então começou a dedicar-se a este estilo de música. Desta data em diante ele começou a executar o tão famoso psy-trance todas as noites de sábado no Via Láctea Club (balada Suíça). E cada dia que passava ele estava cada vez mais envolvido na cena psy, então após perceber que estava no caminho do que ele sempre procurou, decidiu então promover em toda parte aquele som que ele tanto gostava, tanto na Suíça quanto em sua terra natal Portugal,sem contar as suas outras ótimas performances internacionais.

Cosmic Matter é uma revelação incrível para todos os amantes de psy-trance e full on, com 10 faixas inéditas escritas e produzidas por Alienn sendo que 1 das faixas tem como participação especial de Sidhartha, contendo condução rápida e poderosa do psychedelic trance e do full on.

Este álbum ainda não tem uma data prevista para ser lançado, então respire fundo e prepare-se para a dança …

Movie:Konchem Istam Konchem Kastam

Cast: Sidhartha, Thamanna

Songs: Downlaod

Meditation Truth

(Reprinted with Permission From the Excellent library of articles on Meditation at   http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2721602)

Which Meditation Techniques Are Right For You

Posted: 18 Dec 2008 04:17 PM CST
If you’re looking for meditation instruction or want to learn some meditation techniques, whether you’re looking for meditation and relaxation techniques, or if you want what you might call spiritual meditation techniques, whether you need anxiety relief, and whether you’re looking for meditation for beginners or advanced students… no matter why you want to meditate, you might want to realize that there are different types of meditation. And not every meditation technique is right for every person.

There’s a reason why Tiger Woods doesn’t play football.

There’s a reason why you don’t want see Henry Kissinger on Dancing with the Stars.

There’s a reason why, as it’s said in ancient texts, the Buddha taught 84,000 different meditation techniques to his 84,000 different students.

There’s a reason why in Hinduism they say that each person has his own god and must discover his own way of praying to and, ultimately, becoming one with that God.

And the reason is obvious: we’re each unique.

Who you are is different than who your neighbor is.

So it’s helpful to work with the way you are, rather than fight the way you are.

In other words, if you are Christian, you may want to explore Christian meditations.  There are dozens.

If you are Jewish, there are many Jewish and Kabbalistic meditations.

If you’re Hindu or Muslim or Buddhist, there are meditations that emphasize the beliefs and ideas inherent in each of those religions.

If you don’t think of yourself as religious, you might want to take a moment to think about your own personal nature, your own psychology.  For example, are you someone who enjoys sitting still in a quiet place, or are you someone who needs to be moving in order to process information? Are you someone who is able to feel sensations in your body easily, or is your body just that thing that happens to be attached to your head?  Do you enjoy probing philosophical ideas and looking for the way things work?  Are you better at following instructions, or would you rather have the barest bit of direction and then go off on your own? Do you easily get absorbed in something that you’re reading or in your own thoughts or feelings, or does your mind easily move from object to object?

You see, none of these are a problem.  There are meditations and meditation techniques designed to work with any one of those situations… and many that I haven’t even brought up.

I have a good friend who was one of the first Western meditation teachers. And asking him to sit down and keep his attention focused in one place for an extended period of time doesn’t produce deep meditation results for him, because that’s not the way he’s built.  But practices that allow his him to move his attention throughout his body, from experience to experience, and investigate deeply what he’s experiencing and how he’s experiencing it… well, with that technique, he’s an ace.  If he had gone to a meditation school that said, “Concentration is the only kind of practice,” he would never have become a great meditation master.

Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a test that you can take, a meditator’s personality test, the Minnesota Multiphasic Meditation Personality Inventory, that identifies different characteristics that you have and different meditation techniques that might fit who you are.  So you may have to poke around a little bit.

This is where your discerning wisdom is important. Because some meditation teachers will say their technique is “the only one” and that you can’t go jumping from practice to practice.  “Like digging a well,” they’ll say, “you have to just keep digging until you hit water.” That’s a great metaphor, but sometimes there’s no water where you’re digging!

So the best suggestion is to find a meditation practice that gives you immediate results, and then dig there for a while.  And if it doesn’t continue to give results, you’ll have to decide for yourself whether you’re trying to dig a well in the desert, or whether you haven’t dug deep enough.  My recommendation is trust yourself rather than getting answers from anyone who has a monetary interest in you agreeing with them.

In other words, if you ask your teacher, “Should I stay, or should I go?” and they say “Stay! And you need to come to the advanced workshop for $5,000,” then, personally, I would go to another meditation teacher.

It’s not uncommon, and in the Tibetan tradition for teachers to say to a student, “I can no longer help you. Here is the name of someone I’d recommend you study with instead.” If your meditation teacher isn’t willing, or able, to make that kind of suggestion then you might consider that important information.

I don’t think that meditation requires believing everything the teacher says.  It’s about becoming independent, and discovering and trusting what is genuinely authentic for you.  Be careful, if someone suggests that they know better.

From Meditation Truth
http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2721602

where there are numerous other highly entertaining and interesting articles on Meditation.

I was never indoctrinated into a faith, so it comes as no surprise that I, even at a very young age, have always understood the absurdity of organized religion. Living my entire life as an atheist also led me down a path of nihilism. This isn’t the dreary jet black path that so many people make it out to be. Heck, it’s not even a path really. It is more or less an innate and fundamental understanding that the only absolute value that a concept, being, or object has is the value that the assignee grants to it. You don’t have to be very intelligent to come across this conclusion, you just have to be somewhat pragmatic, strong-willed, and have had the good fortune of never being initiated into some sort of religious thought control; because then it becomes much harder to “break” through the inconsistencies of your non-logical paradigm.

That being said one fateful evening my somewhat shallow and pseudo-nihilistic world view came to a climax. Without getting into the boring technicalities I had an awakening of sorts; albeit this awakening did not pull me away from my nihilistic tendencies -it did however illuminate an entirely new concept that I had previously never fathomed. You see, words are merely abstractions that inadequately attempt to explain experience. Yeah, you can read about a fiery romance, but unless you’ve ever actually experienced the wrath of love, then you can never fully understand the pleasant (or terrifying) delusions of such an emotion. The same can be said for ego-loss, or loss of self.

At first it was terrifying. Every last strand of my being was attempting to pull itself back together- to assimilate as one again. But it was no use. The self I had known was gone. All that was left were hollow details. It was like reading the biography of a long deceased friend. I was then thrust into an abyss of sorts – a dazzling “bottomless pit” where everything really is everything and the individual goes to perish. It is here that you became me, and I became you. It was so surreal that it became cinematic. It was so cinematic that it became surreal. It was beauty defined. And then, it was over. I was myself again – now the only thing that’s left nearly two years later is a reminder of the day I went to pieces without falling apart.

Before that realization I took an astronomy class in college that was taught in a fairly large planetarium. Each day upon leaving the class I’d gaze up into the sky with the understanding that I was an ant… no I was smaller; I was a grain of sand lost in the vastness of an infinite universe. I am now aware that “I” was wrong. I am not a grain of sand. I’m merely the reflection of an idea. I am nothing… and yet… I am everything. I bet this whole thing sounds absurd. Don’t worry, it is.

BBC movies about the life of Buddha. Yes, it was a real story.

I got the oddest message from my ex-husband, Marvin, on that last post about “Every Time I Turn Around Something Goes.” (And Marvin, it would be a joy if you would post such things here on the blog as Comments.)

I say “odd” but I guess I should have expected it. It’s the same stuff he’s been telling me since we met in about 1985. Marvin lives in Florida with his new wife, Paula.

Here’s the note:

Healthiest mindset ever on the blog!
Can you implement & stick to it?
Or will we be reading about some terrible thing next month?
 
You are right about a game; one with specific rules to master.
I recommend Brian Tracy CDs.
I’m also sure you will find his process foreign, boring, etc. & that is exactly why you need them.
He can teach you business culture & language.
 
Love & blessings, Marvin”

Let’s look at this.

That first sentence is sweet. I know it is intended as a compliment. Just for fun, I went back and read one of my blogs about being homeless, jobless and carless, just to see if that one came across in some way that would trigger this idea that the current blog is “healthier.”

I don’t get it. Sounds really healthy to me. I am pretty sure he reads most of these.

And, on the other side, how do we know that it is quote “unhealthy” unquote to cry and sob and pound our fists on the floor? Or to have “unhappy” times? It is certainly built in to the system. Show me a single human being who doesn’t and hasn’t had these times!

I realize some people make some kind of constant joy or some imagined better future into their dreamworld gotta have it, can’t have a negative thought, oooh watch out!  There went another negative thought, gotta stop having those! Can’t get enlightened with those hanging around!

What absolute crap!

These are what we call “Statistically Impossible Goals.”

That is to say, that if anyone anywhere ever managed to achieve this imagined future bliss bunny state, they would be the first (and only) human ever to do so. Something like what?  200 BILLION humans have walked the planet and we have never read an account of a single one of them who didn’t have “negative” thoughts.

Let me just counter the Jesus Freaks and Buddhist Bunnies first.

Remember when Jesus got so pissed off he ran through the temple yelling at the moneylenders and knocking vendors wares off the table?

And Buddha – everything he did was based on the idea that he had to make up some imagined better future. Don’t tell me he sat down under the Bodhi tree and got up without his “negative” thoughts. No. It’s more that he finally stopped arguing with the reality that he was going to have those times – just like everybody else!

Okay, all of that and I’ve only covered his first sentence. Let me breeze through the others. Marvin, Beloved that he is, next wrote:

“Can you implement & stick to it?
Or will we be reading about some terrible thing next month?”

I had to reply. I mentioned the “Homeless, Jobless, Carless” post, which was mostly about gratitude and bliss. I said that if he read that and thought these things were “terrible” he missed the point.

But let’s go back to “implement and stick to it.”

Implement what, first of all? I find nothing in my blog “Every Time I Turn Around Something Goes” to indicate there is anything to “implement.” It’s rather the opposite. Thinking there is something I need to “implement” is READ MY LIPS:  STRESSFUL!!!

Steven helped me with this when we were talking about “purpose” the other day. While it is intuitively obvious to me now that any idea of a “purpose” is inherently stressful, I was a little confused about how some people try to tell me it’s peaceful. I don’t know what their experience is, so I didn’t argue, but I had to wonder.

He pointed out that many people confuse “peaceful” with the adrenaline rush of excitement.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, that was a revelation. No wonder! And no wonder so many of us are so fucking confused!

I’ve done that! That’s how so many people sold me so many seminars and tapes and books before I knew the difference between peace and adrenaline! I used to get so pumped up thinking this one was going to “fix” me, the problem, my husband, etc., that I literally could not think straight. Sure, there is a temporary high at first, but nothing changes. Well, things are always changing, but it’s not a reliable method. There is no reliable method. It’s FAR more peaceful to … hmm, A Course in Miracles quote works here, “Seek not to change the world. Seek to change your mind about the world.”

I’m doing a little questioning on ACIM, too, as I noted in the last blog. It is peppered with some ideas I still think are true and am checking, but the whole thing about how bad the ego is and how we aren’t “there” yet and stuff – well, that has obviously got to go. If I get industrious, I will sit down with the Workbook and question each of the 365 lessons sometime.

Marvin was married to me back when I thought Rebirthing BreathWork and NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) were going to not only fix me, but fix the whole rest of the world, too – just as soon as I explained it to them! His new wife was in my class. They may still believe that junk.

I’ll bet Marvin still says, “cancel, cancel” when he hears or says a quote “negative” unquote thought whatever that is. That comes from elsewhere, but along with the lie that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit (about which there is NO supporting evidence or research, NONE – see http://sashen.com/blog/59/you-give-me-21-days-and-ill-give-you-three-weeks/)  This one of the ideas I got from my NLP teacher – while all pumped up thinking she could fix me, show me how to fix myself and how to make a million dollars fixing others.

Thank God in Heaven I got over that. (Who? In where?  I don’t know that there is any such thing. It’s just an expression.)

I can’t begin to tell you how much time and energy was freed up when I started realizing, by simply questioning, that there was absolutely no truth to any of that!

Now certainly I had release and bliss and stuff happening when I did all those workshops, but it was unpredictable and unreliable – and what do intermittent rewards do?

That’s right!  They keep you coming back for more! And paying for it!

If what they are teaching was predictable, constant and reliable, people would learn it and GO AWAY AND GET ON WITH THEIR LIVES!  Oh, unless they happened to end up friends with the teacher or something, I guess.

Check into the real lives of these “teachers.”  I have had the good fortune of hanging out with someone who knows many of them personally and by extension knows people who know the story-behind-the-story on a lot of these best-selling bullshitters. Among the things I have heard there are men and women who work 80 hour weeks, never see their children, take drugs, have ex-wives or ex-husbands with very different stories about how “enlightened” they really are. And, just like everyone else, they all have money problems, relationship problems and health problems.

The health problems are a fun one. One of my favorite questions in The Work, which Steven asks sometimes is: “What if (fill in health/relationship/money problem here) was required for you to be enlightened or happy? How would you see it then?”

The funny thing is:  it seems to BE REQUIRED!

How do I know?

Show me one, just one, person who hasn’t had money/relationship/health problems. You won’t find them. I could offer to give a million dollars if you find one, and rest secure in the knowledge that it is Statisticaly Improbable (read: IMPOSSIBLE) that such a one exists.

Oh sure, we make up stories about all the gurus. But check. Really check. Really do the homework. And you will find they had just as much “misery” and just as many “terrible” things in their lives as anyone else.

Alright, where was I?

Oh yes:

“You are right about a game; one with specific rules to master.
I recommend Brian Tracey CDs.
I’m also sure you will find his process foreign, boring, etc. & that is exactly why you need them.
He can teach you business culture & language.”

First, let me tell you that while my ex-husband was never bad with money, he was constantly stressed about it and still is, as best I can tell. He was always telling me how I should and shouldn’t handle money. In fact, I happen to know that one of the most stressful things in his life last time I checked was how his current wife, who is quite well-off by any standard, how she spends money. If he could only RELAX! She’s fine. She has money to spend. HE could relax about it and . . . well, that’s his business.

I went and looked for this “Brian Tracy” web site. I had heard of him. His photo alone was enough to get me to click off that site, and fast, but I looked around. I’ve never seen such density of clickable stuff to make the site owner money in one place before. Nothing wrong with that. But clearly he has Marvin sending him money for things, too. I wrote Marvin this morning that I’d listen to one BT CD if he wanted to send one, on the condition that I could keep a barf bucket at the ready, just in case I could contain myself no longer.

So, briefly:

“specific rules to master”    STRESSFUL

“foreign, boring, etc. & that is exactly why you need them.” 

Is that how he sold them to you?  Thanks, but no thanks.

Alright. *sigh* I told Steven I wanted to read the blog about one paragraph in his blog http://sashen.com/blog/62/you-can-have-anything-you-want-not/

“I can only hope that in the end you can enjoy the truly magical thing about the universe, that it’s WAY beyond our ability to comprehend, let alone control.”

I saw the look on his face, and immediately said, “Well, I guess I could write it,” he grinned and pointed back at me in that “you got it” kind of way.

Well, this isn’t that blog. But maybe next time.

Love, Ann

After the great trip to Vizag…..it was the time for another trip. So we all four chaddi buddies went to Hampi and Jog waterfalls in Karnataka. This was another great trip. Hampi has great historical importance and Jog Waterfalls is highest plunge waterfall.

We started from Begumpet station (Hyderabad) and reached Hospet at around 5 am. The mistake we did is we didnt book any room. Searched each and every hotels and lodge in Hospet. Finally got a room in one of the finest hotel in Hospet (Siddhartha Residency), the rooms are good here and the Resto called Purple Grass is also good. However other good Hotels are the Malligi and Priyadarshini. We hired a cab (Tata Indica) who took Rs.1400 to take us to Kiskindha Resort (about 30KM from Hospet), Hampi and the Tungbhadra Dam. The Kiskindha Resort was waste, and that was a waste of money and time. Some swimming pools and regular resort stuffs are there. After this we went straight to Hampi. As it was already 1 pm we headed to a conceptual eatery called “Mango Tree”. The food and the ambience are great here.  You need to sit on the floor and all types of food is available. After pet puja we started to rediscover hampi and the first pit stop was Krishna Temple, a old temple with no idols, I guess the idols are kept in some museum. there are lots and lots of similar kind of temples which are a step away from each one.

The only place where there is entry fee is the Royal Enclosure where you will find the Lotus Mahal, one museum and similar kind of stuffs.

The only thing we left was the Vithala temple where the chariot temple like the famous konark temple of Orissa. However, I did see this one also on the last day beacuse of my bro who is working in JSW steels, Vidyanagar(Torugulu) situated some 20 kms from Hampi.

Next we started for Tungbhadra Dam which is around 10km from Hospet, it is one of the big dam and beautiful park has been to built. One of the tourist attractions. The day one ends here and we retired after having a great dinner at “Purple Grass” at Siddhartha residency.

DAY 2:

  As planned early morning, after our breakfast we started for Shimoga for our next destination the famous Jog waterfalls. Boarded a local state bus and that 5 hour journey was bit boring in the last hours.Jog Falls is around 112 KMs from shimoga and as per our research, staying in Shimoga is best. After having a lunch (non-Veggie) near the bus stop, we took a three bed room in Ashoka (hope I am correct). Rest of the day was time pass, and we had to watch ManU match, as we had a hardcore ManU fan Mr G Sai Ramesh (Jane), he watched the match wearing the ManU T-shirt which was brought by Happy from UK. Now one can imagine the love for ManU. If you are not able to get what ManU is its  Manchester United football team. However the only productive thing we did is we arranged a cab who was going to take Rs. 5 per KM, and found out that there is elephant safari and Lion Safari near Shimoga.

DAY3:  

Now this was my best day of tour, early morning after the breakfast we started for Elephant safari, but after reaching the place we found out that this is nothing but a place where the elephants come to take bath, maybe of forest department. Here Happy’s wish to ride on a Dungi came true. Rest of the time we saw chota hathi, bada haathi, do dant wala hathi, ek dant wala hathi . Also haathi doing pootii.

After this Haati, we headed for the Lion and Tiger Safari which is on the way to Jog Falls about 20 KM from Shimoga I guess. A bit boring but okay. Safari where Lions and Tigers are left open and we are inside a cage like Bus.

 Next we started for Jog Falls. The nearest town is Sagara where we had our lunch. It is some 15 KM from Jog Falls ( not sure). We were told by the driver that there is no water, the best time to go is between July to Sep. However there was some water falling down. The only plus point of this less water was we could go down 830 Feet. Did a big mistake to choose the route to go down. Although there was a way, without knowing we started trekking down and when about 70% down, could not go further down as that was bit dangerous, and again reaching top was tooo tiring, it was like getting a new life when we finally reached the top. This reminds of something:

Khudi ko kar buland itna….ki chad ja uper jaise taise….

Khuda phir bande se puuche…

Abbbe ab utrega kaise……

(Here “Uper” can be replaced by “neeche” in our case )

However I was very much determined to reach the bottom, and pursuaded to my friends that we will only go 1/2 hr down and then will come back. So after gaining the required energy we headed down to the base of Jog Falls from way made of stone steps. However reached the base in a record time of 20 mins. Spent around 20 min there and again reached the top, that also in record time of 35 mins. However when we were around 20% up, KD bhai got to know that he has forgot his watch (As usual) , luckily he got his watch. After reaching the top and a brief break we heade back.

The main reason I came to Hampi and Jog Falls was to meet my brother, who stays in Torugalu (Vidyanagar) a JSW Steel township. Same night I boarded a bus to Bellary leaving others at Shimoga. A beautiful township is made by JSW Steel here.

While going to Hospet from Vidyanagar saw the Vithala Temple in Hampi, which we could not see on the first day. Had a great lunch in Malligi Hotel in Hospet and we all headed back to Hyderbad. This ends the great trip. More pics please click here.

What if . . .

Think of the things you complain about, dread and dislike in your life. Make a list.

Now, what if your happiness, your peace, your “spiritual enlightenment,” depended on having exactly those things in your life?

We have this idea that if we achieve these concepts of happiness, peace and spiritual enlightenment everything will be some kind of “All Bliss, All the Time.”

Well, check.

I was at the Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, when someone said that she couldn’t follow her spiritual calling unless she had the freedom to move out of state, something she cannot do with her child, by divorce decree.

Steven looked at her and asked, “Nelson Mandela was in prison for how long?”

We all laughed.

“And the Christian saints and martyrs? They were free to move and travel about all the time, right?”

Er…

I added, “and Ghandi got around really well while he was fasting.”

No, he could barely lay on his pallet sometimes he was so weak from fasting from what I have heard.

For myself, incest in my childhood, the exciting and exhilarating journey from grief to gratitude, were all part of following my spiritual calling. The story is in this blog.

So, the next time you have a complaint or some stress you think is keeping you from . . . anything . . . check. It might be merely the next step in following your spiritual calling.

Love, Ann

You will be entertained at the very least and enlightenment is an option.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310

Thursday, 9/13, there is a teleconference call where you can learn more about this. There will be sample meditations and a chance at a free gift worth $400.

http://advancedmeditation.com/cmd.php?Clk=2095310 

Trust me. You want to try this. The IAM Meditations are the product of the fertile mind of Steven Sashen who is also responsible for much of the Shampoo Method we talk about here every day.

It’s completely safe. I’d trust this guy with my life.

This feeling, this is what we have all been looking for our whole lives. It’s like coming home.

Love, Ann  

I started this blog over a month ago and I still feel like I’m fumbling with concepts that have to be experienced to be understood.  I have trouble thinking anyone can read this blog and “get” what I’m talking about.

I was thinking about Paul, about how we don’t seem to “meet” in most of my worldview and concepts. I mistakenly gave the impression that I felt he was “broken.” I was driving along one day, thinking about that, and wondering what would be a better way to say it, and I decided that it was closer to say he just wasn’t in full bloom. Maybe.

Then last night at a Gathering for the Work of Byron Katie, Sashen talked about cause & effect in terms of a rosebud.

What Sashen was saying is that we do these “non-technique techniques” and think that we caused something, when actually, if we threw the rosebud in a closet, it would still bloom.

Most likely, when we came back to find the rosebud in full bloom, we would think that our “technique” did it, when actually, the rose would have bloomed had we done nothing at all.

I used to think no one could have these “blooming experiences” with words. I was wrong. I’ve had some really amazing experiences from ”just words” since then.  

“Which words?” you may be thinking.

The ones I write about here – The Work of Byron Katie, Instant Advanced Meditations (IAM) by Steven Sashen, and Jason Shulman’s book Kabbalistic Healing are my best examples.

But Steven is right. These are not “techniques” the way we usually think of them. And furthermore, when we use them to get some predictable outcome they don’t “work.”

Counselors & healers seem to think people are “broken.”

That’s part of why I have never worked as a counselor in an agency. The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Volume IV) is just a big storybook about how people can be “broken.”

I don’t buy it and I certainly can’t sell it.

Of course, what I do buy can still be used as a way to “help,” “heal,” or “fix” things.

The minute we do that they don’t “work.”

It seems to be when I just play around with them to see what happens, some of the most amazing things “happen.”

Sashen, Katie and Shulman, and come to think of it, David Deida’s “opening as,” and Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now are all word-based things that seem to create some kind of “experience.”

I used to call those experiences “healing.”

But that would imply I was sick.

Was I?

I don’t think so. I was just doing what humans do.

Hopefully, Steven’s monthly IAM Chit-Chat tomorrow call will shed some more light on this . . . and how to talk and write about it.

Love, Ann

PS – I know Paul and some of his friends read this blog. Would you mind dropping me a comment or an email to say whether this is clear to you or not?  Thanks!

My Muse asked me, “If you knew your partner liked being spanked during sex, would you do that for them, knowing it turns them on so much?”

Ah, Grasshopper, good question.

Aligning sexual preferences with another person can be very interesting!

I used to think that my fetish was fulfilling other people’s fantasies. Maybe for many years, it was. I have witnesses. I have fulfilled more fantasies than most people have ever heard of. Why? I don’t know. I’m just very willing to try most anything sexual – twice.

Why twice?

Because it might be an acquired taste.

The first question I always asked a new lover was: What is your favorite unfulfilled fantasy?

99% of the time when you ask a man that the answer is “two women.” Well, that’s easy. I am bisexual. It can be arranged. I admit it was kinda cool when I got in with a group of Ds people for whom the two women thing was fulfilled long ago. I tried everything in that arena that I was remotely interested in (see the negotiation forms in Jay Wiseman’s book, SM 101,) and some things I was not remotely interested in. Just to see.

Honestly, though, I finished that exploration stuff about 7 years ago. There is nothing at all wrong with exploring every single fantasy you have with a willing partner in a safe way. I say do it. That’s part of how Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, found enlightenment. He tried everything, sexual fulfillment, wealth fulfillment, he did it all. And when none of it brought the illumination he was seeking, legend has it that he sat down under a bodhi tree and found God, and was finally fulfilled. Hermann Hesse tells the story beautifully in his book, Siddhartha.

But the Buddha did not get there just by sitting and letting all his desires go unexplored, not without trying everything else first. So go for it!

Now for me, if someone tells me they want to “explore” sexuality I tell them to find someone else. I know what I like. I know what I don’t like. It takes a lot to surprise me. And I don’t like surprises. I like familiarity and comfort mostly. But most of all I want a man who connects deeply and spiritually with me through his eyes, his words and his touch. Someone whose lead I want to follow.

I used to identify as a bisexual polyamorous switch.

That means that I enjoyed sex with men and women, had open relationships with more than one partner at a time, and I had sex as both the Dominant and submissive partner.

The height of all of that was two male-to-female submissive crossdressers I dated, right in a row. Yes, men who liked dressing as women and being submissive. Well, I wanted to give men their fantasies, and it is hard for those men to find women who are interested. So, why not? I was open to it. For about 3 or 4 years, I tried.

When does doing something for your partner go against some kind of boundary of your own? When does it cause you more stress? How do you decide what to do?

Those are the details hidden in my Muse’s question above. He couldn’t see any harm in doing something your partner wants if it really turns them on. He’s Dominant in bed. Very. One of the best. But for someone else? Is there anything wrong with spanking your partner? Well, yes and no.

What if giving a spanking feels harsh, rough or simply unnatural to the person being asked to do that? Many people feel that way about spankings. Some people were spanked as children and hated it. They don’t want to make it part of their sex lives. Or maybe they just aren’t interested. Maybe they are more the submissive type.

I was cuddling with my friend, Terry, a couple of weekends ago.

He was objecting to the way women find him feminine. He said that wasn’t true. He is a man and he can prove it. I can vouch for that. All the parts are there. He has his masculine traits, definitely. But I also see why women say he is feminine.

His first alternate idea was “giver” for the stereotypical masculine role, and “taker” or maybe “receiver,” for the stereotypical feminine role. I am good with that. It’s very much like Deida’s active/receptive polarity that I love so much.

But Terry went one better. Giver and taker both have negative connotations in some ways. Terry and I both like to dance. He switched to a dance analogy and came up with “leader” and “follower.” I can go with those, too. Those terms also have some baggage, but if you’re thinking of dancing, well, you can’t both lead and you can’t both follow. You have to have one of each or it simply doesn’t work.

Polarity is true “chemistry.” But for most people, chemistry occurs when they meet someone who is the same creative energy as their opposite gender parent.

Try this: get a picture of your opposite gender parent and put it side by side with a picture of the people you’ve had long term relationships with. See if you can get a sense of whether they are energetically similar. Look beyond the physical. Do look at the eyes. That’s where you really find the Creative Energy.

Most people never get beyond finding partners who are a bit of an improvement on either their mother or father, but very much the same. People who will relate to them in the familiar ways their mother or father did. Rarely do we go for someone outside this box, and more rarely still do we go for someone who is our same Creative Energy, unless of course, one of our parents was that. That’s not chemistry. That’s not a healthy attraction of magnetic polar opposites. That’s Imprinting. If you want to know more about Imprinting, read the April 24 blog.

So what about the woman who said that her husband would never consider spanking her, even if she really wanted it? She may have had several reasons for thinking so. Here are some of the possibilities:

1.  Her husband considers spanking abusive, and even in the face of his wife’s moans of delight cannot get past the idea that he is hurting her.

2.  Her husband was spanked as a child and swore never to do that to anyone, and cannot rethink it in a sexual context.

3. Maybe her husband thinks it is weird or unnatural, repulsive even.

4.  Or maybe, her husband is not a leader. Leaders spank. Followers generally don’t. Or, put another way, Dominants spank, submissives generally don’t. It is totally contrary to their sexual preferences and sexual desires.

I came face to face with that in myself.

I am submissive, feminine, responsive, receptive and more of a follower than a leader in my romantic relationships.

I can just barely manage to do a tenuous, remotely acceptable impersonation of someone who will spank and dominate if I am told to do so. Then I’m following and I can almost do a credible job of it. Nearly. But I’m not fooling anyone. Not me, not the person who wants to be Dominated and spanked, not nobody.

It is worth noting that some people distinguish between Dominant/submissive and Top/bottom relationships. Dom/sub relationships tend toward more emotional mental, even spiritual roles. Not necessarily role playing, because I fail miserably at acting, but at fulfilling the need to take and be taken sexually. Top/bottom relationships, so I understand, are more about the physical. They aren’t needing the kinds of mental/emotional/spiritual input. They simply want to spank and be spanked (or other activities appropriate to such play).

I’m a submissive. I am not remotely a bottom. Not at all. Not interested. Doesn’t do a thing for me. I am neither a sadist nor a masochist. I am a hedonist. Well, was. I’m not sure what you would call me now. A deeply spiritual lover, maybe. Hedonism isn’t enough. I did that one with Cricket, and it quickly amounted to nothing with Russ.

For a psychological player, like myself, it ruins the whole experience to try to play at something I am not, and most of my partners have been psychological players, too. And now I can’t even “play” unless I mean it. There is something beyond the duality even of the active/receptive or leader/follower duality. There is a place where we are Love loving.

What I really desire most now is someone who wants to be intimate. Intimate in conversation, in time together, in email, in friendship, in companionship, in sharing music together, in dancing, in cuddling, in sharing meals, and yes, in sex. Deeply, spiritually, present and intimate in all areas of our lives. Someone who can be Love loving with me, who can help lead me to surrender totally, through him, but not so much to him, as to God, All That Is, that Life that lives through us.

What about Creative Energy and Imprinting?

My first husband was the same Creative Energy as my father. He was the last Sage Artisan that I know of, except for one man I had sex with once, because we were just very attracted to each other and wanted to know what it would be like. I considered that healing that I was not repulsed by my father’s type.

From then until about 2 years ago, I dated Artisan Scholars like my mother. That often happens. We switch to desiring the same gender parental archetype.

However, beginning about 2 years ago, all of the men I attracted were Artisan Priests. They are the quirkiest! I could find a Priest type of inspirational sharing with them that I enjoyed, but none of the three turned out to be more than temporary partners. I dated two Priest Artisans, as well; again, short term things where we both quickly decided this wasn’t what we wanted.

Do I think I have to have a Priest Scholar like myself? No, not necessarily. I might enjoy that, and yet I also know that I have come far enough to let another person be themselves without requiring that they be just like me. It’s still challenging, yes, but I’m ready for the challenge of deep intimacy with a man “who can fuck me straight to God,” as David Deida says in Dear Lover.

I want someone who wants to give time and energy to this, to go as deep as we can with one another. Nothing less.

And for anyone who is interested, I’m still in sexual abstinence. This is my 40th day.

After today, I don’t care one way or the other. I would love to have someone to break my abstinence with, someone capable of connecting deeply who is interested in doing that with me. I considered finding a surrogate, someone who wanted to ceremonially break my abstinence with me whether or not we became long term partners. That isn’t totally out of the question, but it may be unlikely. Or, I may wait a while longer just to see who shows up. Nature does abhor a vacuum, she wrote, grinning mischeivously. Why do you think I went into the abstinence in the first place?

I may also spend an entire day Saturday, maybe this weekend, maybe next weekend, playing by myself sexually, fantasizing about the partner who can meet me here and go to sleep dreaming of him. Then when I wake up Sunday morning (I am a Morning Person, remember? Although sex is good at any or many times of the day!) so, possibly what I may do is when I wake up Sunday morning, I will bring myself to orgasm, over and over again, invoking that energy to bring the man who desires me as much as I desire him to me.

It has worked for me twice before. Both times I got even more than what I imagined.

Cricket was amazing, but lacked the verbal and spiritual components. Russ was closer still. He is my Muse. I have written every single day since 2 days after we met. His first Love Language is words, just like mine. He has inspired more and better writing than I’ve done in my entire life. But he did not want a full time or romantic relationship of any sort. Nothing wrong with either of them. That choice is theirs to make. They are who they are. I love them both and always will. I simply wasn’t completely clear on wanting just one man to share the rest of my life with me. I was still holding back.

Let’s see how I’m doing now, shall we?

Love, Ann

“Romance can be a holy place, dedicated to the experience of Heaven on Earth.  But that can only occur if the perception of our mutual innocence is a sacred commitment.”

                    – Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love