If these pages are so personal and private, why  let them go? There is a chance, however small that some one will read, understand, even stop and turn in my direction.-  Rod McKuen

That moment when you find another book on your wish list and you shout with joy, a muffled sound of a Yes, I’m so lucky and grinning like crazy while hugging the book close. It’s as if you can’t believe your eyes that you’ve found another treasure. Nice meeting you again Rod McKuen! I wonder if I could sleep tonight. I just want to read your poems and lose myself in your words and in your world.

The last time I encountered Rod McKuen was   several years ago. I chanced upon his book  Seasons in the Sun  in one of my forays at National Bookstore  back then. I didn’t even know that he was the one who composed the same song that was so popular during the seventies.  That book was one of the  most read books on my shelf and losing it was like losing a good friend and companion at  times when I need a word or two to make me smile  and to look at life with  wide open eyes. This afternoon I was lucky though to find Alone, another book on my wish list which is really hard to find in local bookstores nowadays  because it was published in 1979. Gosh, talk about being really, really lucky.

Actually I bought five more books all at P29.00 pesos each, really at a bargain price, if you ask me. I bought two books by Barbara Cartland, one by Carol Quinto and a copy of Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. Of course, we all know that the latter is a classic and the rest are regency romance books. I was in high school when I started reading  Barbara Cartland, all books borrowed from our school library. Come to think of it, those were the kind of books I used to read in high school but I never owned a Barbara Cartland book  in my whole life until now. This fascination for English titles though somehow didn’t completely wane through the years because it became a real-life fascination for real-life prince and princess, kings and queens not only from England but in other countries as well. I followed Lady Di’s story until her death five years ago. I read a book on Grace Kelly, dubbed as the American princess although I haven’t even seen any of her movie pictures. And I did have a chance to see a royal couple during my college years in UST when then Princess Sofia and Prince Carlos visited the university. They are now the King and Queen of Spain.

Going back to Rod McKuen’s book, I’d like to quote one of his poems here because it reminds me of a picture I took one sunny afternoon about three years ago. It is an amateurish shot of a flock of birds passing by.

One Day I’ll Follow the Birds

One day I’ll follow the birds

disappearing into the rain

going in a hurry, then gone

glad to be in flight again

not sure why I’m running.

There are some wounds

I never speak about.

Some things that words

have done to me

that none will ever know.

But one gray day

I’ll follow a funeral out-of-town

on the heels of the birds

disappearing into the rain.

I love, love Rod McKuen

I had fun sorting the baby layette -  booties, diapers, baby clothes, pajamas, receiving blankets, bonnets. I was excited, who wouldn’t? So I started washing some of them using a baby liquid detergent. Love that feeling of nostalgia -  remembering those days when my two kids were still babies. It really feels good to have another baby in the family, this time, a wonderful baby boy who would give us joy and happiness. If  Obet and Nissa are excited, I am more excited than they are. It’s Nissa’s 30th birthday in a week and with that little bundle of joy coming soon, what a beautiful birthday gift. It seems like only yesterday when I blogged about the joys of being a mom and my own power moments. And it seems only yesterday when it finally dawned on me that my daughter is getting married. How time flies and I remember blogging about their lovely November wedding last year. And now, she has her own family to speak of.  Am I getting old? But they say that age is just a number, and when you add numbers to your age, you grow a little wiser. But still, I am excited.  The baby that I used to cradle in my arms is now a mother in her own right.

The wonderful feeling of shutting out the world for a moment -

and all you have is the here and now,

a small dot in the universe

a small corner between earth and sky.

Good Manners and Right Conduct – lessons learned from Kindergarten. I distinctly remember that GMRC (as it was called then) was one of the major subjects we learned in grade school. I was in a public school during my elementary years and in every corner of the room, you will see such slogans or shall I say, quotations which still hold true in our lives.

Honesty is the best policy.

Don’t talk when your mouth is full.

Simplicity is beauty.

And the golden rule tops it all. You don’t need to read Emily Post to observe courtesy and simple rules, right? Robert Fulghum has summarized everything is his book, All I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

Growing up in a household where kissing the hands of the elders is a rule and saying prayers before meals is a must, one learns that simple common courtesy, being tactful and polite, being humble and patient somehow make a big difference from being called a brat to being called a well-brought up individual.  They say that during the first seven years of a child’s life, his brain is like a sponge. If you haven’t instilled the values you want your child to learn by then, teaching him to be more responsive would be hard later on. It does reflect on the parents what manners you have taught your children and believe me, they will carry it through their adult lives.

Attracting  attention to yourself in public….talking loudly, conspicuous clothes, staring at people….How important is keeping good manners and right conduct alive?  It’s true, you become more credible when you are in touch with your manners.

To preserve the silence within – amid all the noise. To remain open and quiet, a moist humus in the fertile darkness where the rain falls and the grain ripens – no matter how many tramp across the parade ground in whirling dust under an arid sky.

- dag hammarskjöld

Motherhood! What a sweet word and yet it entails a lot of responsibilities  but still you embrace it with love. Time and again, I’ve shared some blogs on being a mother but now I relish the thought of being a grandma ….in less than two months. It is quite exciting to see your kids finally having one of their own. How you brought them up would reflect on how they will tackle the responsibilities of married life and all.  I am also looking forward to having baby Nate to play with, and to pamper (just a little, maybe).

“It takes a Mother’s love to make a house a home, a place to be remembered, no matter where we roam.”  That’s a quote from Helen Steiner Rice.

I just love this. I found it at one of the pages about books on FB. Give me a book any time and my day would be complete.

Sometimes I forget to say  Thank You Lord

for all the blessings that come my way.

May You always remind me to be grateful

and to give thanks…

Because no matter how small or how miniscule a blessing is,

It’s a reminder that it is a gift from You.

]]> http://arlene1956.wordpress.com/2012/09/15/when-boredom-strikes/ Sat, 15 Sep 2012 05:03:29 +0000 arlene http://arlene1956.wordpress.com/2012/09/15/when-boredom-strikes/

Sometimes you need to be -

Right where you are

No thoughts of tomorrow

No regrets about the past

Just letting life absorb your thoughts

this moment

this minute

this hour!

Nissa specially requested that instead of buying a gift for her, we’ll just buy something for baby Nate. It would surely be exciting to shop for baby Nate’s  needs. It reminds me of those times when both of them were still kids, I used to end up at the baby and children’s section of the department store almost every day to look for something for them both. Anyway, some friends say that a grandson or a granddaughter is more special in Nona’s eyes (that’s me in two months) because she would surely pamper her first grandson. Yes, I can imagine myself about the “pampering” because I want to document everything  in photographs and write about him.  Time was when I was so excited to make a scrap-book of Nissa from the early years to college (I still have those recognition awards, medals, certificates and the likes), sad to say though, her graduation picture was destroyed by typhoon Ondoy three years ago. We only have wallet-size copies of it.

And come to think of it, now  I am getting used to listening to music  for babies, classical ones that Nissa uploaded  from her DVD albums when they visited a week ago.

This is one of my favorite verses from the Bible, an affirmation of God’s eternal love for mankind.

I guess we should look at life this way. Don’t carry too much baggage on your shoulder. Sometimes it is better to just…..let go!

Nissa finally brought the DVD they have especially made for Nate.  I love it, what a lovely thirty-minute bonding with the family. My nine-year old niece was so caught with Nate’s movements and asked why  he  was always covering his face. And we all laughed when she said that he looks like her Ate Nissa, “mas matangos lang ang ilong”. Hahaha! I love the Biblical quotes they inserted in the video and the texts, wow, so touching!  I just could not wait to see him come into the world. Truly Amazing!

It was quite, quite an amazing Saturday, time spent with my daughter and son-in-law, my younger brother and his family and with Mom  who was so excited to go home to the province after almost four months of stay here.  I will miss her of course but I know she’ll be happy to visit her sisters and tend to her vegetable garden. I guess it’s time to catch up on my reading. I found three more books of Luanne Rice yesterday at Booksale.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA MARY! Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for the inspiration. You are one amazing mother of all!

My Wish List for 2013

1. A Wild Sheep Chase: A Novel by Haruki Murakami
2. Ada by Vladimir Nabokov
3. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
4. Breakfast at Tifanny’s by Truman Capote – a friend bought me a copy and I am excited to read  it when she comes home next  month.
5. Doctor Zhivago  By Boris Pasternak
6. A Farewell To Arms by Ernest Hemingway
7. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
8. Happy All The Time by Laurie Colwin
9. I am David by Anne Holm
10. If Not Now, When (Penguin Twentieth Century Classics) by Primo Levi
11. In The Dark Before Dawn: New Selected Poems of Thomas Merton by Thomas Merton
12. Cat O’Nine Tales by Jeffrey Archer
13. Looking For A Friend by Rod McKuen
14. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
15. Rites Of Passage by William Golding
16. The Christmas Box Miracle: My Spiritual Journey of Destiny, Healing and Hope by Richard Paul Evans
17. The Graduate by Charles Webb
18. The Heart Of A Woman by Maya Angelou
19. Honorary Consul by Graham Greene
20. The Long Goodbye by Raymond Chandler
21. The Name Of The Rose by Umberto Eco
22. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
23. The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton
24. The Trial by Franz Kafka
25. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
26. Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton – another book bought by a friend for me. Can’t wait to read it.
27. Too Many Midnights by Rod McKuen (Poems)
28. Watch For The Wind by Rod McKuen
29. Your Name is Renee: Ruth Kapp Hartz’s Story As A Hidden Child in Nazi-Occupied France by Stacy Cretzmeyer
30. All books by Diana Gabaldon, I used to collect her books and haven’t even read those which were destroyed during the flood. So sad.

I am also looking forward to reading New And Selected Poems – Vol. 1 by Mary Oliver and Poems and Prayers by Helen Steiner Rice which my friend Odette bought for me along with the two books of Truman Capote and Thomas Merton.

And Charles W. Eliot was right when he said “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” 

I’ve heard Christmas songs over the radio the past days.  And goodness, they have started counting down the days till Christmas. I always tell myself, I’ll start counting after my birthday. Right now, I am supposed to be writing about my speech this coming month but the lure of blogging is more attractive. I was asked to speak before the Dominican community (Order of Preachers) this coming October in their first social media summit. I’ll call it my thirty minutes of fame, so please wish me luck.

It’s my son’s  day-off and both of us went to the supermarket  to do our monthly groceries. He always laugh when he sees me chatting with the bagger and the cashier while waiting in line  at the counter. They were playing Christmas songs  so I asked, “Why do you think  every time a Christmas carol is played, there’s a mixed feeling of sadness and joy?” They both smiled at me and one of them said, “kasi Ma’am magastos ang pasko.” “Tuwing Pasko”, he added, “di ko alam paano pagkakasiyahin ang bonus ko.”  It’s sad but true. Christmas has become synonymous with extra expenses, buying gifts that sometimes one can’t afford, shopping galore and many more. Blame that on the commercialism of the season.  Sometimes,  in the frenzy of the season, we forget why we are celebrating so I told them that you can celebrate it without all the fanfare. Try attending the novena masses and that in itself is a fulfillment of a lovely Christmas celebration. They both looked at me and smiled.  One of them said, that in her entire life, she completed the nine-day novena only once.  “Salamat Ma’am”, they chorused.   And yes, sharing love with others may yet be the best Christmas gift you can give, all year round without waiting  to hear  Christmas carols of old. Christ is Christmas.

Christmas celebration for us would be a lot more different definitely because, come November, I’ll be having my first grandson. He’ll be the most welcome gift the family will have.

This is one of my best-loved Christmas songs and I am quoting it here in its entirety.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Said the night wind to the little lamb,
“Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky, little lamb,
Do you see what I see?
A star, a star, dancing in the night
With a tail as big as a kite,
With a tail as big as a kite.”

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,
“Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy,
Do you hear what I hear?
A song, a song high above the trees
With a voice as big as the  sea,
With a voice as big as  the  sea.”

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king,
“Do you know what I know?
In your palace warm, mighty king,
Do you know what I know?
A Child, a Child shivers in the cold–
Let us bring him silver and gold,
Let us bring him silver and gold.”

Said the king to the people everywhere,
“Listen to what I say!
Pray for peace, people, everywhere,
Listen to what I say!
The Child, the Child sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light,
He will bring us goodness and light.”

I am quite envious of our cat Miming. She can just ignore everything around her just to have that shuteye!

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it. – Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner

Free spirits. Children have that ability to just live life as they see it. No extra baggage. Just a sort of smile that says, I am happy.

I can’t believe it’s almost a year now since my daughter’s wedding which we called Purple Day . Time flies certainly and in two months we’ll have our own bundle of joy! Nissa just texted and said she’s playing classical music to Nate and when she does, the baby turns  a lot in her womb and seems to say, “I like the music Mommy”. The wonderful world of the unborn, he probably knows that we are all waiting  to see him and we are praying  for his safety too.

Nissa shared and showed us the pictures they have chosen for their wedding album. And I simply love this shot, the two of them in front of  their wedding reception at Ibarra’s Garden.

I watched this from beginning to end – the requiem mass, the 19 gun salute, Pres. PNoy’s eulogy/tribute  but Leni’s response as recorded in this video is the one I love best. He was an ideal father, an ideal husband, a  man who loved  his family and found time to be with them despite his being busy with his government post as Secretary of DILG. The President conferred  on him a posthumous Philippine Legion of Honor, with the rank of Chief Commander,  and presented it to his wife, Atty. Leni Robredo.

You can never put a good man down. He will always occupy a special place in your heart.

I salute you SEC. ROBREDO for making us so proud that good governance is not lost in our country. May this be a wake-up call to those government officials who only think of their own selfish motives instead of sincerely serving the people. It’s never too late to put into action what they promised to do and serve the Filipino people with sincerity just like you did.

(Thank you ABS CBN for sharing these videos).

Questioner: Wanting to go directly for it without all the steps like meditation or the ten steps.

For you to go direct, as awareness, you cannot be adorned with anything.

You cannot be adorned with your life, or even the things that matter to you as a self.

For you to go deeper within than all adornments, that you’re accustomed to, adornments that have helped you, helped you in your self and helped you move along as a person in your life,  while all these things can help in moving outwards, they encumber in moving inwards.

Only the same that you endeavour to move towards, only the same is that which you are moving towards within, is able to reach.

Sameness reaches.

For all of that, to reach what it knows it knows, it cannot be with the use of anything.

As awareness, relating only to knowledge, direct knowledge within, not anything that you can learn, but the tiniest, deepest little bit within, that despite any understanding, or lack of understanding, you know the truth of. 

You are able, as beautifully unadorned awareness, able to be completely absorbed into the tiniest little bit of direct knowledge within.

Unadorned belief enables you, as awareness, without the use of anything at all, enables you to relate.

To hold anything else in view, to have anything in hand, has you sharing your attention, sharing your heart, with something other than what you wish to connect with directly of the deepest.

To reach the everything within, as awareness, is the same as being the everything in the everything, in what is everything.

To reach it is to be what it is.

The reaching is then in the decrease.

Awareness gracefully being unadorned of all things without disparaging not a thing.

In the increase, and in the unadorning, everything is safe.

Nothing at all is judged on the bases of what you have been.

Everything is laid down, it is all laid down before that direct knowledge within, and the ( ….. ?) that has you directly being that which you know within to reach for.

Every night that you go to bed, that you go to sleep, do so giving solemn permission for the deep within to heave, to heave up into your self, to heave up into your life, and that it may touch anything, turning your whole sleep time into ready making.

When the deep within comes up as you it is so profound that it almost doesn’t even have place in your self – it is that different.

As such ‘profound you’ begins to come up, it won’t be moving in line with the perceptions in your self.

It won’t be moving in line with the experiences in your self.

It will, in delicateness and tenderness, completely de-construe yourself.

You won’t be your self any more.

You’ll be real Pure You, that has a self, and that will now completely change.

The unpleasantness of that change, as profound as it is, it is to Pure You, un-daunting.

Knowing moves only by knowing – the Beingnesss of that, reflecting that.

Every structure in your self, by you, will bend to that.

Response to direct knowledge will have a face in your self.

You’ve seen it before.

You’ve seen it in a baby knowing you, relating directly to you from what it is, beautifully unadorned.

Into this world, what you come as, and later leave as, you are able to be as.

Being that moves being integrative.

It is only what you have entered as, that is able to integrate everything that it comes into, able to integrate the all.

Such is your ability, not ability as a self, not even ability as a being, but ability as meaning.

What you first are, pure meaning, not the meaning of something, just pure meaning itself, meaning without yet even a form – that which is without anything, able to be in anything, able to integrate everything, having need of not anything.

You, meaning, able to enter anything, and you are then seeing, seeing as Beingness, most subtle movement and touch of Beingness.

Having then something of a self with which to absorb such Beingness and goodness.

Meaning, within a self, able to enter and reflect on all of the wonders within and without.

Your able, without the use of any of your abilities, that you have come into, and are accustomed to, and without the use of any abilities, you could possibly come into, without the use of anything, you are able to directly be what you first are.

What you’ve come from within and what you will return to within, your able to be.

Being what you first are then gives full reason and purpose to all that’s yours, to all that you have, before you had any idea.

You did, as a baby, connect with this in others, even with it all covered, you knew and saw straight through.

You’re able, as awareness, to know and believe pure you.

You’re able, in the return to this, complete your journey, enabling you, as this, to journey.

Nissa showed me the much-awaited  sonogram of our baby. At 28 weeks and a few days,  it is so exciting to see him inside Nissa’s womb and our conversation goes this way:

“He has your nose”, I told Obet  (my son-in-law) and he smiled.

“Thank God for that”, Nissa said adding “he has my lips”.

There is this standing  joke in the family that is always retold  with family members and close friends. Nissa was  a premature baby  because I got complications when I was pregnant with her. She was only eight months when my OB-Gynecologist induced her birth and at 3.9  pounds,  she was left at the hospital for about a month before we were able to take her home.  There was this oxygen attached to her and hubby said, “ang tangos ng ilong niya” meaning her nose  was not “pango” or flat as we say in Tagalog. It turned out that it was just the taped nasal cannula to make her breathe.

And I said, “maybe that’s the reason why medyo flat ilong mo”  and we all laughed.

Anyway, it is really so exciting to see baby  Nathaniel Owen and by God’s grace, we will welcome him to the world in two months. Nissa wants to call him Nate. Nice name, I said but we all laughed when we realized that his initials would be N.O.A.I. So how do you pronounce that? Nissa forgot to bring the DVD, we could have seen Nate move inside her womb. It is something more to look forward to, I just hope on their next visit, I would be able to see it.

I am praying hard everything would be okay when she gives birth in two months. We are all excited to see Nathaniel Owen.

You learn the true value of a man when he is gone. This is a very good write-up on DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo  who passed on last August 18, 2012 on a sea mishap. He will be given a State Funeral according  to sources at  Malacanang  Palace.

We salute you Sir, you are a great loss to the nation.

The nation mourns, because it lost a commendable and one of the finest servant- leaders it ever had.  You will surely be missed Sir. May our present servant-leaders emulate what you did for our country. Rest in peace and may your family find strength and comfort with the thought that you are one in a million, much-loved not only by your “kababayans” in Naga but all Filipinos as well.

(whoever owns this pic, thank you)