Quincy Pid

Q. Pid seems to think he is a living incarnation of Eros.

He is either a complete genius for rigging up a Tommy gun

to fire handmade, custom carved, golden arrows or

Quincy is completely crazy for attempting to fly by

the wings of his bowler hat while leaping off buildings.

Today is his day, or at least he will try to make his day.

Keep an eye on the skies for chubby, flying, arrow-shooting UFOs.

Quincy is trying to give a new meaning to

the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre.

He has got plenty to go around, so whether you

want one or not, he’s coming for you.

Expect to hear about Q in the morning paper,

for what, is yet to be seen.

Pugsby Patterson

Pugsby certainly looks like a dog, and

the boys certainly treat him like one.

“Here Pugsby, here boy!” they say.

“Pugsby, sit.  Pugsby fetch.”

“Pugsby, chase them coppers.”

The coppers have been called to his house

thirteen times because neighbors claim

they see him burying bones in the yard.

Pugsby is great at chasing down the enemy’s

car and sniffing out his trail.

I would say all this banter is just plain mean,

except he seems to pant a lot and is often found

by fire hydrants.

One thing is for sure, the boss keeps him around…

or he just hangs around, one of the two.

“That’s a good boy, Pugsby.”

]]> http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/sue-spence/ Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:57:00 +0000 sketchbookjack http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/sue-spence/

Sue Spence

“Shh,” she says softly.

Snappy suspenders skillfully suspend Sue Spence.

Secretly, she steals someone’s stuff.

Sue Spence swipes. Sue snatches.

Sue scrounges.  Sue sacks.

Surprisingly, six savvy spies squandered

six seasons surveying Sue’s semblance.

Sue sidestepped seven strapping soldiers.

She skirted sixteen slick, sly sleuths.

Surveying several surrounding suburbs,

Sue swings, seamlessly, scouting susceptible suckers.

Such suspense!

Thank you, Illustration Friday for the wonderful idea: “Suspense”

Daily Mobster’s 25th Post!

Dita Reznyev

Oh, Darghlingh, listen to story.

Twenty five post ago, we start with man.

This man has big chin, so darghlingh.

Now, here am I, for you, post twenty five.

Put on party hat, and grab glass for you to drink.

Celebrate we should. Silver for twenty five.

I loave silver my Darghlingh, I loave it.

It is, how you say, anniversary for me.

So loavly, Darghlingh.

Kiss and loave from Dita to you.

Little Margie Mason

Sing a song of schoolyards.

You’d think she’s awfully shy,

but Little Margie Mason

made them all cry.

Glue was on the desk chair,

tacks were in the shoes,

sticky candy in their hair,

who should they accuse?

The coppers called her daddy,

cuz teacher’s at a loss,

but Mr. Daddy Mason

was a mob man boss.

So the teacher and the children

put up with her sass,

because Little Margie Mason

owns this class.

Sylvia “Shoulders” Smithe

Oh, Sylvia, Darling.

Sylvia gives a new meaning to the term, “Broad.”

She always has to wear shoulder-less, strapless outfits.

I have heard of stepping into a dress to fit, but she

sometimes has to wear it upside down.

Sylvia always has a cold shoulder.

The boys try to warm her up and offer their jackets,

but she won’t fit.

She is very specific about where she goes on dates;

it can’t be anywhere that will be shoulder to shoulder.

That can be a bit tricky with her.

One thing is for sure, though, Sylvia would be a great

shoulder to cry on for someone….or several someones.

But enough about her shoulders, she is just trying to

find a good guy that would be a great match,

you know, someone shaped like a pyramid.

Benny Bass

Ah Benny Bass, the final member of “The Barbershop Quartet”.

Strangely, there are only three members.

Benny got lucky. His surname defined his career path.

It’s Bass, not Bass, and don’t mistake it.

His daddy was “Big Mouth” Bass,

and his mama was “Washtub Bass.”

The whole family is a bit, tightly strung.

They don’t fret over slappin‘ a Bass, poppin‘ a Bass or

beatin’ the bagatelle outta you with some brass.

He hits the lowest note ever registered, the low R flat.

Benny looks good in his barbershop suit; he calls

himself the “Striped” Bass.

Like I said, it’s Bass, not Bass. How many

times did you say Bass and not Bass?

Twirly Tammy

That’s just lovely, lovey.

Like totally Mister, I love, love, love that picture.

You, know the one, like, with that guy who falls in love

with that curly-haired girl.  It’s so super cute.

I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to buy me a drink.

I will totally pretend to like love it, even if it’s nasty.

Do you think my hair looks cute tonight?

What about my dress, it’s totally me, isn’t it?

Tell me something smart that will, like, totally make

my mind boggle.  But not too much, I just ate,

only a little though, just half a muffin.

Did I ask you if you like my hair? Cute, huh?

Another Illustration Friday Special for the theme: “Twirl”

Barry “Baritone”

Barry inherited the barbershop from Great Uncle Arpeggio.

There is minor modulation in his monotone mumbles.

It’s unclear if he is even aware of the ongoings

of “The Barbershop Quartet” gang, because

the coppers tried a lie detector and his answers always

came out the same.  They even tried a micro-expressionist

but his face never changed.

If nothing else, they’ve got Barry for association,

or acting as a drone. But, if I had to guess his association with the gang,

I bet Barry just cuts hair

and hits a mean middle C.

See The Daily Mobster Process of Barry “Baritone” by SketchbookJack

“Legs” LaVine

Everyone knows who “Legs” is, but no one

can tell you what his face looks like.

He had a hard time finding a job.

No taxi had a long enough seat, no desk was tall enough.

No factory was safe enough; he was way above clearance.

He once had a job as a lumberjack but too many workers

were trying to cut him down.

He finally got a job as a window washer and he is the best.

He doesn’t even need a ladder until the third floor.

He wears size 32×84 pants; off the rack pants are more like shorts.

He is banned from the basketball court.

The mob boss only has one use for him.

He is the scout man in large crowds.

For Illustration Friday’s theme, “Heights”

Little Bobby

Number 43! Number 44! Number 45! Next!

Little Bobby is the neighborhood butcher.

Yes, Butcher I said.

Bobby sure is little.

Customers usually think no one is working,

because they can’t see him over the counter.

Make sure you ask what’s fresh today.

He makes the sausage and the cold cuts by hand.

The police have been looking for the weapons in

several unsolved cases.  The only bit they have to go on

is that it was blunt force trauma.  My guess would be

that one, Mrs. Gretta Lawkner of 2241 Sycamore has

eaten the weapon months ago, possibly

with some some marble rye.

Sammy “Santa The Sneak”

Twas the night before Christmas and in every home

crept and long lanky santa who would lurk and would roam.

His beard was just dangled from his ears by some string

in hopes no alarm would chime or would ring.

In one hand a crowbar to pry and to pop

and a sack to nab, to steal and to “shop”.

Down through the chimney Sammy slips and would slide

and out through the door with pride in his stride.

On latches, on locks, on alarms and on chains

or naught will be left of the Christmas remains.

Families and children will ask, “But Why?”

Oh Sammy Santa, what a terrible guy.

]]> http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/snappy-walker/ Mon, 19 Dec 2011 17:26:20 +0000 sketchbookjack http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/snappy-walker/

“Snappy” Walker

Snappy, Snaps, Snapper, Snap whatever you call him,

certainly snaps a lot.  I mean a lot, like obsessively.

He once tricked the enemy mob to think he had a machine gun.

He can do a four finger snap, double quick snap, one hand clap,

eight finger snap, and even the toe snap.

Snappy also thinks he is a snappy dresser, but with those

shoulder pads I would dare to call him Tacky Walker.

His hair is so greased, hats slip off.

Everything he does is punctuated with a snap, so

be prepared for one liners, two liners, the two step,

and the commonplace two face remark.

Oh Snap!

Pete “The Plumber”

Knock knock, here to fix your sink.

Let’s hope you aren’t a fink,

or on his list as a blockage or a leak.

Pete makes house calls but it ain’t to fix a clunking pipe.

He stole the toilet in the police station.

The case is dead; they have nothing to go on.

Pete never bites his nails.

He had to register his wrench as a weapon.

Knock knock.

(An Illustration Friday Special for the “Sink” theme)

Moonshine Malloy

Moonshine is quite a memorable character,

though he might not remember you.

Malloy has got the secret stash, and guards it with his life.

If you stop by, it’s best to go alone, because he will be

seeing doubles and crowds make him nervous.

Moonshine has it all and a few specialty labels such as:

White Lightning, Sleepy Time, Warm Me Up Scottie, and

the “backroom” specials such as Blind, Deaf, Mute, and Blackout.

Treat it with care; to Moonshine Malloy it’s more important than

blood, probably because his body is more moonshine than blood.

Chuckle Jones

Chuckle is a good guy, though it’s hard to really know.

He has been in court eight times but only ever laughs.

The judge doesn’t find it as humorous as he.

They film sitcoms with him as the only audience member.

He is the best to tell a secret; he won’t ever be able to tell.

Chuckle is also the best to tell a joke,

even a bad one or something that isn’t funny at all.

Just protect your knees. He slaps his knee, your knee,

and everyone’s knees. He thinks that is funny as well.

He laughs when all alone; that is awkward.

They say laughing burns calories;

Chuckle has set a few houses on fire.

Give Chuckle some credit, life is funny.

Jimmy “The Driver” Fink

Watch out next time you jump into a cab.

There’s no game show inside this taxi.

Jimmy is a driver, but a tip better not be all you leave.

His fares aren’t fair, and he doesn’t use a meter.

The Driver decides where you go.

He fits six passengers, four extra seats

and two in the…well, you know.

Jimmy’s cab has a big trunk, but don’t bring any luggage.

No smoking inside the cab, only Jimmy can smoke.

Now get out, this is your stop.

Madame Fox

Madame Fox is the queen of the flappers.

Things just might flap that you would rather not.

The Madame wears fox fur, but they aren’t dead.

She loves animals too much to kill them

so she forces them to lay around her neck.

They eat with her, it’s quite a sight.

She had a few run ins with them though, considering

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

Madame Fox likes to dance but she makes records skip.

She goes to the nightclub, but makes the band skip.

Madame Fox is the queen, she owns this town.

Old Cal Calhoun

Cal is old.  He has never had another nickname because he

has always been older than everyone.

There is no one that can actually verify his age.

His glasses cause accidents, and mass ant burnings.

Cal has conversations with his knees and elbows.

He tells them to do things, but they don’t listen.

Cal’s memory is in black and white, and silent.

Cal used to rob banks in his heyday; and by heyday I mean

when banks were a chest at the foot of your bed.

In his most recent attempts, the police politely escort

him out the door before he can pull out his bow and arrow.

Harold “The Head”

This is Harold. We don’t talk about his head.

He doesn’t wear hats.

I mean, his hair is even having trouble holding on for dear life.

He has a second mattress for a pillow.

He is deathly afraid of billiard halls.

The Aztecs pray to him for blotting out the sun.

You’d think he would be the brains behind the operation,

or maybe keep the books.  No, that’s not what he does.

Harold is the distraction.

He keeps those coppers busy.

(An Illustration Friday Special for the “Round” theme)

]]> http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/top-hat-omalley-dailymobster-sketchbookjack/ Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:44:17 +0000 sketchbookjack http://dailymobster.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/top-hat-omalley-dailymobster-sketchbookjack/

“Top Hat” O’Malley

They say money doesn’t buy happiness, but it

sure does buy some sleaze.  “Tophat” is shrewd.

He plays three card monte with one card.

He once negotiated a homeless man

out of a wooden nickle and his teeth.

He’s all brains above the brim.  I’ve seen him

without the hat, trust me, it’s not a good sight.

He packs a single round pistol under that jacket

for when he can’t seal the deal.

Edna “The Hump” Malone

Edna is a looker, that’s for sure.

She can smoke fourteen cigarettes at a time.

A waiter once tried to put his tray on her back and

asked a busboy to help push her against a two top.

Edna has a sharp side, as if you couldn’t tell.

Maybe I should say a round side.

She packs a mean left hook,

and quite possibly a backpack under that dress.

Charlie Chins

Charlie eats alone.

He has knocked a few people out while chewing.

When he looks up, it looks like he has no face.

To get his shirt off, he has to unbutton them all the way.

Charlie has been blackballed from eighteen dentist offices.

Chins runs around with the Calhoun gang.

He’s been jailed for nine counts of slack-jawin,

six counts of involuntary jaw droppin, and

one count of first degree assault with a lethal chin.

SketchbookJack "Ghastly Gallivanting" Pumpkin Head Card

SketchbookJack "Happy Haunting" Skeleton Card

SketchbookJack "Spooky Serenading" Card

 checkout the jackandtill & sketchbookjack etsy shop here