December 10th – Solstice Cafe – I am featuring at Tongues of Fire. I am pretty excited to share my new work and some old favourites with the people of my hometown.

My poem Inwangsan is featured in the anthology Every Second Sunday published by the Seoul Writers Workshop. It is available at some English bookstores in Seoul or through the Seoul Writers Workshop. My poem is also on this blog in an earlier post so I suggest you just read it there if you want.

Slam poet Taylor Mali:

I’m very happy to say that Team Ottawa (including our own R.L. Priske as team alternate and organizing force) has won the 2009 Canadian Festival of Spoken Word. Update that Wikipedia page…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Festival_of_Spoken_Word

I’m sure we’ll see some content posted here at some point. Ahem.

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 27 2009
Show Off Entertainment Presents

Spoken Word & Poetry Open Mic

@ The Afrikan Poetry Theater
176-03 Jamaica Avenue
Jamaica Queens New York 11432

Hosted by: Mr. Ace
Music by: Dj Drew fr. Minitone

Doors:8:00Pm Starts 8:30Pm
Admission: $10
Free Food with paid admission
Info: ShowEnt.com

DIRECTIONS:
Google map link:

Hopstop public transit directions:

On Monday, November 16, at 7:30 p.m. in Kilworth Chapel, several nationally known slam-poets will perform, and the event is free to Puget Sound students. We’ll see you there!

*If you don’t read the whole post, at least do yourself a favor and watch the amazing video I posted at the bottom. Totally sums up what I’m about to say in a truly impassioned, beautiful way.

**Also, I realize this is a very hot-button issue for many people. If you disagree with me — that’s fine. Just please have the decency to read through the whole article, consider my points and be respectful in the comments section!

***Warning: A slight snark attack may or may not occur in this post.

Before I start, I just want to say that when I use the word “anti-choice,” I am referencing what is popularly known as the “pro-life” position, which is against a woman’s lawful choice to receive an abortion (many times, even in cases of rape or incest) and believes women should not be able to have them. I believe that the term pro-life should not be co-opted by the anti-abortion and anti-choice movement. I mean, what person alive isn’t pro-life? I sure am.

That said, I have a few things to get off my chest. I have a few questions for the anti-choice community:

Do you consider the fact that a fetus is physically attached to a woman’s body, and therefore, is a part of it? That it is not a separate and full human being until it is actually outside the mother’s womb?

Do you consider the fact that there are millions upon millions of abandoned/hungry/poor/impoverished/abused/raped/orphaned children out there in the world? Have you considered the fact that your time might be better spent advocating on their behalf than trying to convince people what they should do with their body, their pregnancy, and the fetus growing in their body?

Do you ever call your Senator or Representative, asking that the United States taxes be raised to help support all those unwanted/uncared for children? Would you ask that taxes be raised even higher to support all the unwanted children born if abortion was not legal?

Do you advocate for better, more comprehensive sexual education for teenagers, knowing that teaching children about condoms, birth control, and any other form of contraception will prevent pregnancy, and therefore, prevent abortion?

Do you think you could get every single person on earth — or even every single person you encounter — to eat cow tongue? So have you considered the fact that there is NO way you will EVER convince everyone to be monogamous, married and/or abstinent?

Why do you only blame women? Did you ever think to get to the source? Meaning — have you ever protested all male ejaculation? Do you realize that no ejaculation = no fetus = no abortion?

Do you realize that there are some people who hold the spiritual/religious belief that a fetus does not become a baby/human being until is has taken it’s first breath? Wouldn’t that mean you were infringing upon their religious beliefs if you were to say abortion should be illegal/less available? Would you like if people forced you to believe in what they believe in?

Did you know that most fertilized eggs don’t even make it to the uterus? And many women have miscarriages? So if abortion is murder, does that make these natural bodily phenomena negligent homicide?

Did you know women have been having abortions for a long, long time? That before modern medicine, women would take abortifacient herbs which grow naturally in the environment?

If abortion were illegal, do you think all women who got abortions should go to jail for it? No, really — think about it — if you make something illegal, don’t you realize that it’s punishable by jail-time? Wouldn’t our jails be over-flowing with women? How would you feel about that?

Do you realize that it’s usually poor women who suffer the most from your anti-choice work? That rich women can afford to go anywhere and pay any price to get an abortion (and would do so even if it were illegal), while poor women cannot travel as far, and don’t have as much money?

Did you know that — contrary to popular belief — pro-choice people do not think abortion is the new pink, and pro-choice people do not celebrate and cheer about abortion being just fabulous while encouraging everyone to have one? Do you know that pro-choice people and pro-choice women realize that abortion is an excrutiatingly difficult and personal decision to make, but that it is sometimes a better and more responsible choice than bringing a child into the world that you cannot/choose not to care for?

Chances are — your mother, your best friend, you, your co-worker, your aunt, your cousin, your daughter, your banker, the woman you always run into at anti-choice rallies — have had an abortion, will have an abortion, or will at least consider having an abortion at some time in their life.

So please think twice next time politicians — or you — want to make a decision on behalf of someone else’s body, life and choices.

Please contact your representative supporting their decision on the Stupak Amendment if they voted ‘nay,’ and urging them to not support the amendment when it goes to Conference Committee if they voted ‘yea’.

Phew! And now for the best and most empowering Pro-Choice Slam Poetry you will EVER hear!

Cross-posted at Feministing

: : : : : : : : : : :

I feel like this semester has been full of little moments that I’ll remember forever. For example, the reading tonight was fantastic. There were slam poets, hip hop poems, funny poems, graphic poems, beautiful poems, and even one done in sign language (called Annotation of Motion, very nice).

Little things like looking across the crowd of extremely talented writers and realizing that I’m friends with some of them… well, it’s an awesome feeling. A little fuzzy and warm, to be honest.

When I got back I watched the best bits of V for Vendetta and am now doing homework and watching my favorite movie. I’m even indulging in a bit of pop music to keep the mood uplifted.

My littlest sister, a 12 year old diva, got me to listen to this song awhile back by David Archuleta. I had no idea he was on American Idol until a week ago, but that’s not the point. I like the idea behind this song/video. Most songs, especially cute poppy ones, are about relationships that have already begun or gone wrong.

Not this one. It’s about a crush possibly turning into something more. I think it’s more relatable, but you tell me. … Maybe I’m just weird.

I’m leaving you with some slam poets. They were finalists at the National  Youth Poetry Slam. This is called “This is for you.” Enjoy!

Dopo la quattro giorni di Luglio scorso

Le VIBRAZIONI ARTISTICHE
sono felici di presentarvi…

* SECONDA PROVA *
il secondo evento organizzato da una appendic(it)e dello SPAZIOANTEPRIMA

una mostra d’arte con musica dove artisti vari esporrano i loro lavori sculture, fotografie, racconti, videoproezioni ecc ecc…

si inizia Sabato 21 Novembre alle 19:30 con:

aperitivo musicale con la partecipazione degli ORTO SOCIALE [musica balcanica]

A seguire, dalle 21:00 si terrà per la PRIMA volta a Saronno una POETRY SLAM: una sfida tra poeti che “recitano” le loro opere dove il vincitore sarà acclamato dal pubblico

Domenica 22 invece:

Con la collaborazione di “Punto al Centro” verrà esposta la MOSTRA COLLETTIVA di Laboratorio ArtKey ” I bambini e i loro grandi”

Aperitivo musicale dalle 18:00 e a finire una bella serata a ritmo di DRUM’N'BASS

[i Vomito Ergo Rhum saranno presenti con i loro lavori]

Per info: vibrazioniartistiche@hotmail.it, oltre alla pagina Facebook e relativo evento.

He, who has ears to hear, let him hear.

We are forever evolving, looking, moving and solving

This sickness; toxic disease of complacency by looking to Jesus who says, “Follow me.”

See we must see that the way we battle complacency is to set our sight on Christ as we say, “I will follow You Lord, I refuse to be bored.”

Bored is an infection, trying and stretching to make you cold and dead but instead you must break the mold, get bold and stop waiting on hold.

Open your eyes, take a breath, live and let your heart beat to a rhythm like this:

Passion, Pa Passion, Passion, Pa Passion

Passion, Pa Passion, Passion, Pa Passion

Bore, bore, bore No! I Choose to spread my wings and soar far above the bore wanting more and more of this sweet diving, O people won’t you get in line?

Here is some passion.

We have been called by the ONE AND ONLY, THE CREATOR, DESTINY MAKER, EARTH SHAKER, SONG WRITER, STRONG FIGHTER, SUN LIGHTER, HE WAS BEFORE AND IS AFTER, HE IS MY MASTER…GOD.

Praise Him all ye people! Praise Him with your whole being and start seeing that you are called to break the status quo, not just flow, but get in the boat and row.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of boredom I will fear no evil for thou art with me.

I come to you and you lift me up out of this valley where the angels rally to scream out Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.

All riches and glory and power belong to His name scream out and give Him the fame.

Thy Passion and zeal have consumed me.

My God is moving, evolving, and solving humanities greatest sickness…sin, don’t let it in, but look to Him as He says, “Follow me.” “I will follow You Lord, I refuse to be bored.”

He, who has ears to hear, let him hear.

from Barry Campbell…

Poetry by STRAT

Good Asian Drivers make the trip to Cincinnati to perform in Catskeller Friday, Oct. 23.

Kit Yan brought his brand of spoken word and poetry, covering strap-ons, growing up and gender.

Melissa Li entertained the crowd with her folksy acoustic guitar, accompanied by the drummer.

Performing together, Good Asian Drivers created mash-ups between slam poetry and indie beats.

“Queer Nation” by Good Asian Drivers

Happiness dashed,
as these walls crumble
each flake of mortar fulfills function
slashing my carotid arteries
assaulting contentment

Formerly escaped..
..vaulted disorder
halted apprehensive infringement
desecrating perimeters
it smashed through and got the wound salted

The high swoon, hoping esteem dies soon
engaging my typhoon, a mind-storm
belied by a pride no longer in swine form
or is it? H1Nspun, viral mystics
surrounded in a theater of critics
fear hounds while jeers drown
tries to cheer
deaf to its sounds
stress pounds, cardiac absence
fleeting into safer corners
this party is wack, dashed hopes again in the labyrinth

Now it will not rest
flounder in lost threats
the Reserve where hidden costs are kept

Now driven by cold, the frost crept
word weapons, hostile tools accost in one breath
soon neurotransmitters blast hazards at the bureau of critters
thorough blizzard scorn
cannot heal blisters from the storm

Climbing up the those stone steps

with her behind me.

Listening to that familiar litany of how I’m not this

and I need to do that and

I’m just not good enough,

Mother wit is toxic waste.

Acid insults are shooting out and

burning painfully against my back.

Making the child in me feel like nothing

again.

Those slippery stone steps

covered with the last remnants of ice.

Impeding the progression to the hell

lying in wait inside.

She’s behind me and she’s feeble.

Her balance isn’t what it used to be.

I hear her struggling but I don’t turn around.

She’s losing her grip as she’s calling my name.

I turn to see her fingers slipping from the rail.

Everything’s has slowed down now.

I grab her hand before her fall.

She looks up at me; in gratitude I hope.

But a scowl meets my face instead.

“Help me” she shouts and she starts to curse me.

Degradations of the past start to

run through my mind.

My grip is not so sure now.

Ruined birthdays and miserable holidays.

All decorated with guilt, depression, and anger.

Screaming breakfasts and silent dinners.

My head is pounding now.

I take another look into that face.

Searching for something to love.

Hoping that’s there’s at least one thing

worth saving at least.

She’s teetering with my fingers

acting as a bridge between life and death.

Why am I wasting time?

My mind should be made up by now.

Besides, it’s really cold

and Mother is so old…

So I Let Go.

Just a reminder of the transcendence and empowerment of art,

“So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life (in this case voice) to thee.”

Ανία, οι μέρες σου είναι μετρημένες!

Το Poetry Slam είναι ένας διαγωνισμός ποίησης, στον οποίο οι συμμετέχοντες απαγγέλουν την πρωτότυπη δουλειά τους, δραματοποιώντας την ταυτόχρονα. Η παράσταση αυτή του ποιητή-ηθοποιού είναι περιορισμένης διάρκειας (μάξιμουμ 3 λεπτά) και λαμβάνει χώρα ενώπιον τριμελούς κριτικής επιτροπής και του κοινού.

Πατέρας αυτών των ποιητικών παραστάσεων είναι ο Μαρκ Σμιθ, ο οποίος ξεκίνησε μια σειρά δραματοποιημένων ποιητικών αναγνώσεων στο μπαρ Get Me High Lounge στο Σικάγο το Νοέμβριο του 1984. Από εκεί το νέο αυτό ποιητικό φαινόμενο εξαπλώθηκε παντού στην Αμερική, από το Σαν Φρανσίσκο ως τη Νέα Υόρκη.

Σε ένα Poetry Slam αντιπροσωπεύεται μια μεγάλη ποικιλία ποιητικών φωνών, παραδόσεων, υφών και προσεγγίσεων. Ένας από τους στόχους του είναι να προκαλέσει το οποιοδήποτε λογοτεχνικό ρεύμα ή ομάδα ισχυρίζεται πως της ανήκει η ποίηση. Κανένας ποιητής που συμμετέχει δεν είναι υπεράνω κριτικής, καθώς όλοι βασίζονται τόσο στην καλή θέληση της κριτικής επιτροπής αλλά και του κοινού—το οποίο μπορεί να κρίνει και ακόμα και να διακόψει την παράσταση του ποιητή, αν αυτή δεν πληρεί τις κατάλληλες προϋποθέσεις ή είναι προσβλητική με κάποιον τρόπο.

25 χρόνια μετά την πρώτη παράσταση Slam στο Σικάγο, η Αθήνα μπαίνει στον χορό οργάνωσης και διεξαγωγής τέτοιων παραστάσεων και στις 2 Νοεμβρίου 2009 στο Barbara’s Food Company, γωνία Μπενάκη και Μεταξά, στις 3 Νοεμβρίου στο Café Dasein, Σολωμού 12 και στις 4 Νοεμβρίου στο Café Floral-Books+Coffee, Θεμιστοκλέους 80, Πλατεία Εξαρχείων, διοργανώνεται το πρώτο στην Ελλάδα Poetry Slam, με στόχο να προκαλέσει την ανία και να οδηγήσει την ποίηση στα άκρα, αναζητώντας μια νέα μορφή έκφρασης για τους Έλληνες ποιητές.

Κατά το πρώτο κύμα θα συμμετάσχουν έξι με οκτώ ποιητές/ποιήτριες σε κάθε χώρο και οι παραστάσεις θα είναι τρίλεπτες. Οι δύο ποιητικές παραστάσεις που την κάθε βραδιά θα επιλεγούν ως καλύτερες θα περάσουν στον μεγάλο τελικό, που θα διεξαχθεί σε μεγάλο δημόσιο χώρος της Αθήνας και η ημερομηνία του οποίου θα ανακοινωθεί αργότερα.

Despite no Dicko, no Delta, and a hell of a lot less hairspray, the final of Melbourne’s 2009 Poetry Idol during the Melbourne Writers’ Festival generated just as much rhythm, rhyme and flair as its singing Idol cousin.

Organised by writers’ group Paradise Anthology, on August 30, the glass amphitheatre of Federation Square’s BMW Edge saw twenty-eight finalists fire 60-second poetic salvos into an audience 350 strong. Judged by a three-person panel, the poems performed were serious and absurd, ranging from racial prejudice to the ever-reliable, ever-forgiving “twenty-four fucks” of a slab of VB.

According to Poetry Idol’s organiser and emcee, Michael Crane, the short, ’slam’ style made sure audiences got just as much value from the event as those competing for the top prize, $2,000 and a publishing contract:

“[By imposing a time limit] we are trying to make poetry accessible and entertaining … so that the audiences get to hear and see a variety of poets in a short time.”

(Click here to see a full photo gallery from the night)

Poetry slams began in the United States in the 1980s, and according to 2009 champion Marian Spires, are becoming increasingly popular in Melbourne. “It’s like the Olympics of language. You only have that limited time to get your message across, so you must work your language hard.”

Ms Spires said her entry at Poetry Idol, ‘Aphrodite on Love’, “explored the relationship we all have with love.”

“I wanted to write a dramatic monologue where Aphrodite persuades us to accept the idea of ‘falling in love’ and, in doing so, we make an everlasting contract [with her].”

(Click here to listen to ‘Aphrodite on Love’ from Poetry Idol)

Mr Crane says incorporating music into his events helps attract a wider audience, with Idol heats drawing familiar identities such as Brian Nankervis, emcee for music trivia quiz show Rockwiz on SBS, as well as celebrated musician Rebecca Barnard.

The Idol also included music and songs performed as interludes by Mr Crane and Trish Anderson, also part of Melbourne band Mrs. Wainwright.

Both Ms Spires and Mr Crane encourage those interested to try out performing on stage. Ms Spires had written poetry all her life, but didn’t start performing until 2001. Actively participating was a different and exciting feeling: “By its nature, writing is a solitary experience, so it was great to hook up with other local poets and writers.”

It’s not just annual events like Poetry Idol and the Australian Poetry Slam where audiences can see and hear slam poetry. Seven nights a week, inner-city suburbs like Carlton, Brunswick, Northcote and Prahran play host to a variety of events, including open mics. The Facebook group Spoken Word, Melbourne lists locations for regular gigs, as well as launches and competitions.

View Larger Map

Girolamo Grammatico. Di lui so ben poco, l’ho intravisto per ventisei secondi in via del Pigneto però lo immaginavo diverso. Più elettronico e vi dirò: più anziano. Invece Girolamo Grammatico è uno giovane, avrei dovuto leggere prima l’età sul libro e sul sito ma era un nome che mi ronzava da anni in testa quando si faceva gli slam a Milano ed ogni tanto sbucava questo nome (Girolamo Grammatico) e si diceva un gran bene di lui. E allora con quel cognome così scolastico mi pensavo fosse un professore… ed invece ha la barba e saluta come fanno i giovani. Allora ho letto il suo libro POESIE SENZA ADSL (Giulio Perrone Editore) ed è proprio bello: futurista al punto giusto, pop al punto giusto, ironico al punto giusto e romantico al punto giusto. Una poesia “leggera” ma non per questo minore, anzi. POESIE SENZA ADSL lo consiglio, compratevelo e non fotocopiatelo perché ci stanno pure delle immagini dentro ed in fotocopia vengono male ed inoltre vale la pena leggere ogni tanto una sua chicca. Seguitelo sul suo blog, Percezionesociopatica, quando avete dieci minuti per rinsavire dalla monotonia della vita moderna. E poi vedrete gli oggetti che vi circondano con occhi diversi. Anche i più tecnologici avranno un’anima, un’anima tutta loro… e tutto ciò stranamente non è inquietante.

La poesia che vi propongo, tratta da POESIE SENZA ADSL (Giulio Perrone Editore), è Canzoni d’amore. Leggetevilla!!!

Andrea Coffami

CANZONI D’AMORE

Lettore mp3

20 GB

nuovo, mai usato

vendo per soli 30 euri

con incluse tutte le

canzoni d’amore

italiane

dagli anni ‘60

ad oggi.

Chissà che faccia farai

quando all’appuntamento

per la compravendita

troverai me

che te l’ho regalato.

Girolamo Grammatico

]]> http://bedlamzen.wordpress.com/2009/10/11/hip-hop-and-doing-stuff/ Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:53:24 +0000 outerhebridies http://bedlamzen.wordpress.com/2009/10/11/hip-hop-and-doing-stuff/

The dinners done – excellente

BBC iplayer is streaming the BBC’s sunday morning programme called big questions.  It’s basically a debate show that asks errr – big questions.  I just watch them, waiting for, wait for it ….big words.  Nah, just kidding, I meant ACTION.

I do love seeing people spin sentences that make real sense for me, in terms of my own personal belief’s.  Its so gratifying, but that doesn’t usually happen often, as I guess most of views are probably so off the debate scale, that they would never be mentioned.  Some would define them as conspiracy theories – I’m not going to embarass myself here, as my partner (who’s dead brainy) knows more and I don’t want to misinform on matters.  Plus, being a schizo, is bad press for them.  It means they are nuts eh?

I’ve just succeeded in doing an hour of meditation.  I’d like to rename it for myself as Mac-meditation, as it made a difference.  I have no fucking idea on gods earth that can explain why something that takes years to master, had “an effect”.  I’m taking the plus, and moving as swift s possible.  I hope, that I have the discipline to do this again.  It was good folks.

I’m blasting some hip-hop (old skool) and forgot how good baselines feel.  I can identify to strife that some lyrics express so readily.  Its great.

Next move, is to take my 40 year ole ass off out next week for some slam poetry.  I’ve got a few ideas to write some, but I haven’t the balls to do it – just yet.

Few social causes festering in my need to do this shit, part of my brain.  Its for the yoof of today.  But don’t hold your breath, I maybe be locked up in my next breath.  Just holding onto something everyday.

Our lab today went right for the first time ever! We didn’t even finish our last lab we suck so hard… but today! TODAY! we did. Plants are way neat but I’m starting to think maybe biology isn’t the thing for me.

Today I went to No Shame Theatre at the Empress downtown, which was AMAZING. All original works and one of my favorite slam poets and another artist I adore were performing. Rowan and I are hanging out tonight and it’s gunna be bundles of fun. She’s sitting right next to me, so I’m gunna go talk to her and not here. Laterrrrrz. <3

*”Just because I finally got over you doesn’t mean there aren’t days when it all comes rushing back to me.”* Unknown

I have always enjoyed writing poetry. Though, I admit, I have never thought of myself as a very gifted lyricist, I take pleasure in reading and writing poems. What I love so much about poetry is how it can make you feel so many diverse emotions. Poetry can paint a vivid picture of a whimsical countryside or far off place (take William Wordsworth’s “I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud”, for example) or describe down to the smallest detail an intangible feeling, like love (a few of my favorites: E.E. Cummings’ “I Carry Your Heart With Me” and William Shakespeare’s “Love Sonnet 18”). I began writing poetry in middle school, mostly as a means of exploring emotions and passions I had yet to feel. I’d write how I believed people in love would feel or how I saw the world as a young adolescent. In high school, my poetry was strictly a means for unleashing my teen angst and raging hormones and allowed me to leave my feelings on paper. I’ve written about many things: the death of a close friend, the last days of high school, how my younger sister saved my life, and letting go.

I wrote this poem over three years ago for a Performance of Literature class and was reminded of it by a friend rather recently. In class, after making it to the final round of our  Slam Poetry competition we were asked to find a new piece or write one of our own. *Sidenote* I find it somewhat funny how being a teacher I have to speak in front of students, parents, and co-workers all the time but the thought of speaking in front of my classmate and peers makes me get all flustered and feel like I have to throw up *End Sidenote* Since, I enjoyed writing and didn’t want to spend another three weeks finding the perfect new piece (especially since it had taken me over a month to prepare and find the first one and  I had only one week until the final round), I decided to write my own.  At the time, I wasn’t experiencing any hardships or going through any difficult situations but for some reason this is the piece I wrote. I find it funny how after all this time that I relate to it more now than I did when I wrote it.  It’s almost prophetic. And a little bit strange… I wrote this piece about losing love, about the confusion and the heartache, and about how the smallest things can remind you of your lost love and bring back emotions and feelings you have long spent suppressing. At the time I wrote this poem I was feeling none of these emotions. In retrospect, I see that maybe these emotions are just feelings that are so universal and that people can always relate to and maybe that was why it was such an easy poem to write. Heart ache. Heart break. Heart strain. We all have felt it at one point or another and for everyone the feelings are a little bit different. For me, this piece has resonated very personally in the past few months, especially when I began believing and feeling like I was completely over someone and ready to move on, and yet, somehow that person still crosses my mind and makes my heart ache from time to time. I’m still waiting for that inner peace that comes from being whole (on my own) to return. I know it is coming. I feel closer to it every day. But I still have heart ache. I still feel that deep, dull pain in my chest and that pit in my stomach. And these feelings still, from time to time, comes back to me. Often when I least expect it.

“You Love Me”

Yes, I watched Nip/Tuck Tonight

And Yes, I saw the parallels

Did I sleep with you again to get you out of my system?

To get over you once and for all?

I tell myself yes, but I know how stupid that notion really is

But every time I turn on the TV

Every show I watch reminds me of you as if you picked it out yourself

Dawson loves Joey, Nathan loves Haley, McDreamy loves Meredith

Hell, even a vampire loves Buffy

But somehow, sometimes I realize that you don’t love me, not like that,

Not like in the movies, not anymore, maybe even, not ever

But, I still love you

Every show has that element that connects me to you, to us

The holding hands, cuddling on the couch, late night talks, the kisses

Every relationship that could be, might be, may be, will be, must be

It reminds me of you, of us

On TV, He says everything I always wished you would have:

I love you, I always have

I was just being stupid, I was scared

We can be together now

All of these things that you never have and never will say,

At least not the parts that really matter

But would that be what I really want?

I don’t even know anymore…

But what I do know is this:

I do love you

I love you so much that I can actually feel the location of my heart because

My God, it fucking hurts

I can just be going about my day and then… WHAM!

I’ll see the way you look at me

The way you eyes turn me inside out in a good way

Or the way you say my name

Your breath on my hair

That feeling of coming home

Or the way you hug me so tight that I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be

That connection we have that is even more important than our bodies

The way our eyes can hold each other through six hours of conversation and never waver

And even though I know you don’t, I tell myself…

You love me, you love me

Even when you’re at home with her on the nights you’re not with me

You love me, you really love me

Or those lonely mornings that I wake up alone because you’ve already gone

You love me, I know, you love me

During the afternoon drives we used to take that now I take alone

You still love me, yea, you really do still love me

It’s during those times that it hits… this pain

This pain that is worse than anything I have ever known

It’s not sharp, it’s not even enough to make you lose your breath

But it comes, nonetheless, in low, dull waves

Not crashing, but steady… it ebbs and flows but it always comes back

The pain

Even still

Sometimes, some days, some mornings, evenings, and nights, I think

You love me, you love me

Because somehow I still love you