with the rat-a-tat cadence

of a broken clock rhythm

sleep defies the night

circadian cycles spinning

sliding, slipping malaise

into my cooling tea

like an ethereal poison

battery: to see a battery in your dream symbolizes life energy and vitality.
explosion: to hear the sound of a loud explosion, but you did not see it indicates that something is about to be exposed.

10am.  starting the day! i love when i’m alone in the salon~ it’s so calm and peaceful! i hope i continue to be as lucky as i have. everything that i’ve experienced so far has brought me to this point, i’m very thankful.

130pm.  i had a one hour break so i went to lunch with lena and monae! we decided to go to doraku! i am so happy to have the freedom to go as i please! the misoyaki butterfish was ok. i don’t know if i would get it again~ i should have gotten some sushi rolls!!

830pm.  finally finished with work! it was a super long day, but i’m so thankful that it went smoothly!

930pm.  home time but mom had to take ms. susan to the emergency room so i was at home with the dogs by myself!!

1130pm.  emi and mom finally came home! i’m exhausted! good night!!

Ragnar has a super detailed and helpful “Race Bible” that we walked through and went over answers to questions some of the first-timers had. We also are pretty sure we’re going with the team name I mentioned earlier — the Lumberjack Heroes! Andrea has already come up with some pretty awesome ways to incorporate the lumberjack theme

Here’s what I’ve been doing on the workout front lately:

Friday: walked on the treadmill and strength training.

Saturday: warmed up in my Brooks PureFlows by walking one mile and then ran 2.12 miles (all I could make it) in my Mizunos. (9:35 pace)

Sunday: nice and easy five mile run on the treadmill at Lifetime. This might have been my most effortless run ever. (9:58 pace)

Monday: I had “strength and stretching” on my half marathon training schedule today, so after the team meeting ended I popped in the classic Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred DVD and did Level 1 because I was scared. I cooled down with some Athletes’ Guide to Yoga. 212 calories burned — not bad!

I can always count on Jillian to kick my butt.

Tuesday: ran 3 miles indoors (windchills were wayyy below zero) at the Metrodome.

Have you guys ever heard of the Sleep Cycle app? I downloaded it a few days ago and tried it for the first time on Monday night. I’ve had sleep issues for years now and only noticed real improvements in my sleep when I did the Whole 30. So now I’m really trying to improve my sleep quality.

It takes a few times using the app to get good data, but here is my graph from my first night:

Very cool. In addition to the data/graphs, the app keeps track of things like if you drank coffee that day or were stressed out, etc. It’s alarm feature uses I think this will be really helpful the rest of the week for when I have morning workouts planned. I’m also going to try and keep a regular sleep schedule, even on the mornings when I could sleep in.

Does anyone else have sleep issues? How much sleep do you usually get per night?

waiter: to see a waiter in your dream indicates that you need to be nurtured and to feel special. the dream may also be a pun to be patient. learn to wait.
breakfast: to dream about breakfast indicates the start of a new project or the beginning of a new stage in your life.

8pm.  having tea before i leave for work! it helped to settle my tummy!

arrow: unpleasant news or a disagreeable letter from the direction in which it comes. 
duck: increase of wealth by trade.
feather: small feathers denote something of which you are afraid, but which you will meet with courage.
violin: a symbol of pleasure.

10am.  work time!! so happy that i’ve been pretty busy for my first week! i’m so thankful, so super thankful! i got to see some of my favorite clients : > i feel so happy and just hope everything continues to go well ♥ there are still some things i need to improve, i hope i’m forgiven for anything i’m lacking right now!

1230pm.  break time! lena and i went to the supply house together and i ran into my old work friends! it felt like old times and it felt like i never left the salon! so strange how time flies by so fast!

1pm.  my first lunch with lena!! we went to the whole ox! it was my first time here and my first time trying a falafel! it was so good!! and the place is really cool too!! : > i’m so happy to have so much freedom ♥

230pm.  back to the spa!

830pm.  finally finished with work! i’ve been working so late!! but i’m very thankful and very happy that i’ve been fortunate enough to be busy! i hope this luck continues! ♥

930pm.  pigging out on pizza. i really need to stop eating so late -__-;

I woke up in a very positive mood! I’m not sure if it was the subtle pleasure from my artistic expression at Paint the Town last night, or if it was due to my new sleep app, Sleep Cycle, that made for a more restful night, but regardless… no case of the Mondays here! I jumped out of the bed, and instead of dropping a Lincoln of some sort of dairy/bean combo, I decided to make my own custom drink. I mean, why not? I can make anything a fancy little barista pants can right from my own kitchen. So that’s right, I went with two shots of an Arpeggio blend pod from Nespresso, about 4oz of hot water, plus ~ 1 oz of coconut milk. To top it off, I felt like going with the boob mug today. It’s hard not a laugh at the start of my day when I pull this out of the cupboard. The handle gets very hot in the microwave (I sadly admit I nuked my 4oz of water instead of boiling it), where as the boobs are more heat resistant. Do you see where I am going here? It is much easier to grip the boobs instead of the handle to avoid burning my hand. Yea… So now you know how I started my morning!

roller coaster: to dream that you are riding a roller coaster represents life’s frequent ups and downs in your waking life. you are experiencing erratic behavior brought on by yourself or a situation.

7am.  church time! i feel refreshed : >

10am.  work time! when i got to work i arrived to this beauty : > i am so grateful to all my mentors! i wouldn’t be here without them!

11am.  sundays at the spa is so amazing! i work by myself and it’s just so peaceful! i am going to love, love, love sundays! : > i had a good day today! i’m very happy and truly thankful for everything! i hope i just get better and better~

630pm.  finished with work early today! thank goodness!! : >

730pm.  dinner at the beach. blogging and kardashian time!

10pm.  i should sleep early! i want to have a 100% sleep quality!!

worry: to dream that you are worried about something is a reflection of waking worry that has carried over to your dream state. you may be harboring some repressed thoughts, some unexpressed emotions, resentments, or hostilities which are triggering your worry dream.
farm: to see or live on a farm in your dream suggests that you need to develop an aspect of yourself and utilize your potential. you are ready for growth.

9am.  leaving the house! and getting breakfast for the ride! dad’s the best : >

930am.  going to the ala moana farmer’s market for the first time ever!! i have to say this was my favorite farmer’s market so far! it was busy and the booths were super cute : >

10am.  we walked around a little, we bought yummy macaroons from the life is sweet booth and we bought veggies for tonight’s dinner! the macaroons were the absolute best macaroons that i’ve had! emi and i tried the green tea and mom tried the pistachio! we all agreed that it was soooo good! i need to have another one!! : >

130pm.  home time! relaxing a little bit : >

230pm.  time for a walk with the dogs and the whole family! we did a short walk since mom came with us today : > i’m glad we did a short walk though, can’t wait to take more walks since i have the weekend off!

430pm.  playing on the computer… i had a ton of things i needed to do but i didn’t do it -__-;

630pm.  dinner time! quiche and fiddle fern tempura!

8pm.  i’m so tired. i should go to sleep early! i have a super long day tomorrow!!!

anger: to dream that you are expressing anger symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self. you tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. you need to look within yourself. being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. you are suppressing your anger and aggression, instead of consciously acknowledging them.
flea market: to dream that you are at a flea market suggests that you are feeling undervalued or under-appreciated. you are selling yourself short.

930am.  pizza for breakfast and a movie! we watched “a thousand words” today! i really liked it! it had a good story line and a good meaning! i would highly recommend this movie : >

11am.  taking the dogs for a walk~ it felt nice to walk although it was a little hard since it was so hot! i like going for walks, i hope i get to go a lot more now that i’m not working on the weekends : >

1pm.  hanging out! and resting! i’m so tired from the walk! : >

3pm.  i finally got around to doing the plantarium that i got for christmas! it’s really cool and i hope that the plants grow! it says it could take up to three weeks for anything to even sprout! we’ll see how it goes!

530pm.  mom’s home! dinner time! we had bacon and asparagus pasta! a new recipe that is a keeper!

730pm.  playing and practicing hair updos. and then emi colored my hair! yay!

1030pm.  out of the shower and catching up with blog stuff! oh and we downloaded a tamagotchi app for our android phones. it’s pretty cool and totally like the old school tamas. i’m going to see how long i can keep it alive : >

¹ Contend, Lord, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me. ² Take up shield and armor; arise and come to my aid.  (Psalm 35:1-2)

come to my aid.
i need You to shield me from those who cause me harm.
please protect me and be the armor
that i need!

When we think of Apps, we automatically think

Apps are relatively new, and only on iPhones and Androids. Apps weren’t around 10 years ago!

How wrong we are! The thing is, Apps, or Applications, have been around for a lot longer than we all think. What’s really changed are the platforms, and market places of which they run in!

Formely, Apps were things we would buy from a store, in a box, that was usually expensive.
Using a floppy disk or CD, we would load and install these Apps to our computers.. this could take hours!

Today, Apps are things we can download from an online App Store amazingly fast, and can do anything from monitor our sleep patterns to be able to tell us the name of the song by simply holding the phone up to a speaker. There are millions of Apps today that can do pretty much anything!

Apps I recommend:

• Shazam: Ever heard a song and really wanted to know what its called? Simply activate Shazam when a song is playing and just by hearing the lyrics it will tell you exactly what song it is!
• Commbank: You can transfer money, see account balances and even pay bills using an app!
• The Age: A free download, The Age app gives you the majority of the days news for free!
• Telstra Usage: Avoid going over your cap but plugging your phone plan details into this app and it will monitor your usage and let you know when you exceed both included call usage and data usage!
• Instagram: Instagram has only now just been activated on the web to, but formerly was just an app only program where you can share photos with friends and add all sorts of cool and trendy effects to them!

As nature’s own anti-inflammatory pills, the health benefits of cherries include reduction of inflammation, prevention of heart disease, promotion of weight-loss and the destruction of cancer cells. But the nutritional value of cherries goes even further than that. Antioxidants in cherries protect the brain from damage and have amazing anti-aging properties, while melatonin supports the body’s sleep cycles. Cherries come in sweet and tart variations, with most health benefits accredited to the tart cherry

Wellness

Anti Inflammatory Cherries are extremely rich in anthocyanins, a powerful antioxidant that is responsible for the fruit’s red pigment. Fighting cyclooxygenase enzymes, the anthocyanins in cherries are said to be as powerful as substances found in anti-inflammatory drugs, but without the bad side-effects

Heart According to a study by the University of Michigan, eating cherries contributes towards a healthy heart. The study revealed that a cherry rich diet decreases inflammation, body weight and cholesterol, which are all major factors for heart-health

Brain The antioxidants in cherries protect the brain by neurtalizing free radicals that are produced by the brain when it uses oxygen through mental activity. This property may make cherries an important fruit in preventing Alzheimers disease

Fights Cancer  Antioxidants in cherries, like anthocyanins, are found to inhibit the growth and development of cancer cells. Tart cherries contain more of these cancer-fighting antioxidants than its sweet variation.

Aids sleep cycle Rich in melatonin, cherries help sooth the nervous system, relieving insomnia and supporting the body’s sleep cycles.

Weightloss

Beauty

Anti-aging the antioxidants in cherries help repair damage to cells in our bodies, slowing down the aging process.

Beauty sleep thanks to the melatonin in cherries, which aids in restful sleep, this fruit will help you look fresh and rested.

Cooking

cherries are a great snack or make a healthy addition to your breakfast cereal, smoothies and desserts.

Make a healthier version if the classic cherry tart by substituting part of the flour by whole-wheat flour, using an unrefined sugar and adding Greek yoghurt

A sauce made from cherries tastes great with roasted duck or chicken. For an Asian twist on this sauce, add some lemon juice, ginger and soy sauce to the classic combination of cherries and port

Or pickled in mirin, they are fantastic all year round

“Sweeten up the love of your life by sharing a beaudelicous bowl of cherries”

bowling: to dream that you are bowling represents the strikes, hits, and misses in your life.
late: to dream that you are late signifies your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. you may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future.

10am.  starting the day at the spa! i’m really happy and i just feel really lucky that things have worked out for my first week. i’m a lot busier than i thought i would be this week and i just hope and pray that it continues. i am really happy that i found happiness, now i just need to make myself better and better.

11am.  today a lot of the clients who came in wanted huge changes. i did an ombre color on someone who hasn’t colored her hair for years and chopped off 16inches of hair on another client! it was a fun and challenging day! : >

130pm.  i went out for some fresh air. sometimes i just need to feel the wind and relax by myself~ i decided to treat myself to some milk tea from lin’s. i sat at the tables and relaxed : > i think sometimes i’ll go and do that from time to time~

730pm.  finally finished with work! working late really isn’t even half as bad as i was worried about. i feel like i could even work longer than that! and now i have a two day weekend to look forward to!! i love my new schedule! thank you, God ❤

930pm.  we’ve been eating dinner so late… i’m going to get fat -__-;

1030pm.  getting ready to sleep! looking forward to my days off!!

¹⁸ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; ²⁰ he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
(Psalm 34:18-20)

the future may have trouble ahead for me.
please protect me.
i can’t bear a broken heart so please be close to me always.
❤

Cue 3 video clips of people slapping the snooze button on their alarm clock and rolling over, picking up their alarm clock and throwing it across the room, etc… All in an over-exaggerated way…

“Do I have the app for YOU!”

All kidding aside it is pretty safe to say that most of us hate our alarm clocks. I am generally pretty good at not hitting the snooze button but I have become much better at actually getting up with my alarm thanks to an app for the iPhone that I’ve been using for the last couple months. It is called Sleep Cycle and given all that it does it is a really good deal at just $0.99.

It utilizes the accelerometer in the iPhone to measure your movement while you sleep. The less movement you make while you sleep the deeper the sleep cycle you are in and of course the opposite is true. You set your alarm like normal and then for the 30 minutes(this time window is customizable) before your scheduled wake up time the app pays close attention to the sleep cycle you are in. When the app starts to notice that you are either just starting to go back into a deeper sleep or notices that you are nearly awake it will gently start playing the alarm, very quiet at first and gradually getting louder. Thus, you never get startled awake and you generally feel more refreshed since it woke you up when you were not in a deep sleep.

In addition to its main function the app also records how well you slept. Once you have fully come to your senses you can take a look at a graph with sleep level on the y-axis and time on the x-axis. It also summarizes the time you set your alarm, the time you woke up, the amount of time slept, and a percentage grade for how well you slept. It takes a full 5 nights of use before the sleep quality percentage is displayed but after that you will get a pretty consistent grade each morning. I have found that you can’t get a 100% unless you sleep at least 8 hours but this is not a hard rule. It must also account for how many times you entered and how long you were in a deep sleep because I have slept well over 8 hours and not gotten a 100%.

The app also keeps a full record of all the nights that you used it. From the nightly statistics graph you can turn your iPhone on its side to reveal a different set of graphs that show your sleep quality score over time, your average go to bed time, the average amount of time spent sleeping, time in bed and sleep quality by weekday, and so on. Very useful if you are interested in such things.

There are plenty of options that you can use to customize it. You can turn the alarm off and just use it to measure the quality of your sleep, you can use any music on your phone as the alarm, you can set the time window for when it will pay attention to your sleep before you wake (the default is 30 minutes), and if you are the type of person that needs some white noise in the background to go to sleep it can provide that. It even allows you to export all of your sleep statistics to a csv file which can be read by any spreadsheet program so you can do even more advanced analysis of your sleep data. I’m a numbers guy but even I’ve yet to do that, though it is neat to know that it is possible.

Like I said I’ve been using this app for a couple of months now and I have yet to be disappointed by it. I can’t remember the last time I was startled awake by my alarm and it is always fun to look at my sleep quality over time. For $0.99 it is at least worth a try.

Let me know what you think if you’ve used it before or I convinced you to give it a try.

Here’s an interesting blog about chronotherapy: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/19/sleeping-or-not-by-the-wrong-clock/

From the article: I have the light therapy unit I use in the morning. I have never tried melatonin. And this excerpt made me think:

Depression, of course, can become overwhelming, far more severe that it was for George. And sleep itself actively feeds severe depression — a vicious cycle that needs to be broken. A therapeutic full night awake under observation in a hospital setting instantly relieves the depression in about 60 percent of patients. This is one of the major, surprising findings of biological psychiatry. The problem is, after the next day’s recovery sleep the depression is likely to return. So the benefit is only ephemeral.

To counter the relapse, we begin daily light therapy at the end of the wake therapy night, enabling the circadian clock to readjust, with the result of sustained remission. [1] The benefit is enhanced with a very early bedtime the night after wake therapy, and early rising after recovery sleep. In patients with bipolar disorder, the effect is further magnified by the use of lithium carbonate, the mood-stabilizing drug.[5] A manic reaction is very rare, but it can be quickly dampened by staying in a darkened room for 14 hours. Such dark therapy can be just as effective as anti-manic (anti-psychotic) medication.[6]

Sleep feeds depression? I believe it. No sleep feeds mania. I believe that too.

But, and this is a big BUT, I am trying to keep my life going here and can’t stay up all night and then spend the next 14 hours  in a darkened room in case mania appears. I don’t know about you, but I’m fairly certain spending 14 minutes, let alone 14 hours in a darkened room with nothing to do would cause my mind to go wild, and it better also have padded walls in there. Or I would happily fall asleep. One or the other.

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Places I have unintentionally fallen asleep over the years:

• At my desk at school
• On my work break
• In my car when I stopped at a red light
• In Team or Business meetings
• In college classes
• In Doctor’s waiting rooms
• In the dentist chair
• In the bath tub
• On a park bench
• In a taxi
• At my computer

I don’t have narcolepsy, I know I am sleepy, I am fighting it when it happens. And I just do the head bounce and fall asleep for a moment thing – but it can be an extremely embarrassing or even dangerous moment.

When I was student teaching, I recall a school that was about 45 minutes away from home. I started planning on 1.5 hours travel time, so I could stop midway in a parking lot and nap for 15 minutes to avoid falling asleep at the wheel.

When I was teaching, after teaching all day we would crowd into warm, tiny rooms, darken them, and someone would put slides on the screen and speak in soft voices – that always got me. My head would start nodding, and the yawns would get so difficult to stifle. The school day started way too early for me, and by the afternoon I was barely functioning, despite any attempts to stay awake with coffee, food, sugar, walking outside first. This sleepiness felt like I had actually taken a sleeping pill and I could not fight it.

Last night, I went to bed at 11pm. I think I slept all night. My alarm woke me at 7am. I struggled to sit up. I put on a robe and made it downstairs. I don’t remember what to do yet. I go to my computer and check my calendar. It says make pork chops for dinner, but I don’t need to start that yet. It says I have a meeting at 1pm. Why am I up now? “Mommmmmm! Are you gonna make us breakfast or what?” My daughter comes to my rescue again. Mornings are easy for her, and she keeps me on track. “Mom, I need my allergy pill. Mom, did you pack us lunch?” All her little reminders can be irritating at times, but she knows I need help, and I don’t hide it any more. I can’t really, not from a 9 year old.

So the kids are on the bus, and I go back to my computer. Now what? I see my list of projects, but can’t remember or think through my fog to know how to do any of it. I make some green tea. I fall asleep before I finish it. I wake up with my preschooler asking if it is time for school yet? I have slept through it before, poor kid, and he knows to ask me. No, it is 11am, we have an hour. Phew. So I make some coffee, stretch, do some jumping jacks, wash my face with cold water and get ready to drive safely. Deliver him to school on time, go back home to my computer, and see that meeting is coming up soon. I’m not running it, just listening today, so no one should notice my fog. And we don’t use webcams, Thankfully, so no one sees me closing my eyes. I love working from home.

Now I start to wonder, did I eat breakfast? I look around for any signs. I don’t feel hungry, just sleepy. Ahh, yes, there is my oatmeal bowl. Should I have lunch anyway since it is almost 1pm? I have a slice of cheese and some red peppers dipped in ranch. I’m still so sleepy. Should I have more coffee? Or did I just have some, I can’t remember – everything is fuzzy. What should I do? I need to work today, but I don’t want to mess up tonight’s sleep with too much caffeine. And the coffee might not even help.

So why am I so sleepy today, after 8 hours in bed, then 3 more hours on the couch? Why? Why will I wake up at 6pm, work feverishly to catch up on my day work, and struggle to fall asleep tonight? Why does the Sandman mess with me so much?

I did have a terrible night of no sleep, 2 nights ago. I had a pain attack. I’m actually worried it was triggered by my reduction in alcohol. The pain and sleepiness started about 6pm, in my back and legs. I forced myself to stay awake until nearly 8pm. My legs were twitching like wild, and each twitch sent a painful zap from my spine to my toes. Then muscle spasms, more twitching, roll over, try to get comfy again, more twitches and zaps, roll over again, etc all night long. I try ice on my lower back, where the spinal cord injury is. I try stretching. I try motrin. I try a warm bath. I try sleeping through it.

So is today’s sleepiness still a recovery from a bad night a few nights ago? Was I using alcohol to settle these overactive spinal nerves? I definitely had a maintenance level of 2-3 whiskey drinks daily. Whiskey actually has anti-inflammatory properties. I don’t think I was drinking enough to depress my central nervous system? Interesting though. And sooo much conflicting advice out there. I think we have to figure out our own bodies and survive our daily battles in the way that works for each of us.

Eight months… yes really.

It occurred to me tonight after sending my Mr. Marvelous off to work, tidying up the kitchen, and pouring myself a big ole glass of Relax (Riesling) that today marks the eight month mark for us being sans the boob tube. I’m not quite sure why it hit me like a brick tonight as opposed to any other night, but it did… whack!

I know for a fact it had nothing to do with the State of the Union coverage… I wouldn’t have watched it live anyway. I prefer to get my politics by catching the Tweets and reading the headlines… and even that’s sporadic. (I know, shame on me.)

Anyway, with absolutely no chores left to do in the house, no chance of going for a walk as it’s pitch black out there, and dang it no TV to zone out with… (Did I just day I wished I had TV?? WTH?) it meant I may as well get to work. So, I sat down with my little laptop, opened the WIP and settled down to get something, anything on the page. I sat here for a good five minutes… re-reading the last page where I left off last session, listening to the deafening quiet and watching the damn cursor blink… mocking me with every wink.

In an effort to get into the “write mindset” (yes… I meant that) I kept going back a little further in the story. After going back two chapters I decided to just start reading from the beginning. Bad move… right? I know, I’ve read so often that going back too far in the work can be deadly to the progress of the project. But it was like I couldn’t help myself. So now here I sit, hours later, and I haven’t written one new word, and I’m not entirely impressed with what I’ve read. SHIT!

Why the hell did I just do that? Well, I’m pretty sure I did it because I’m bored… and I’m pretty sure I’m bored because this night shift schedule the hubby is on sucks ass. I hate it! He asked me to swap my work schedule to fit his sleep pattern so naturally I did. I didn’t relish the thought of not sleeping together either and just passing each other in the morning seemed just too sad somehow. But I have to say, and yes I know I’m whining here but, night shift f’n blows!!!

I’m not sure what happened but somehow my bio-clock is out of sorts. I find that I just can’t sleep during the day, even if I stay up all night. After the first few shifts I started to get to the point where I would start to doze off sitting here at the table in the wee hours of the morning. Rather than risk the chance of my head smashing down on the laptop (not worried about my head, just the technology) I decided to take little cat naps. Good idea? Nope.

Now it seems my body has gotten used to sleeping in about two hours doses. I crash like a rock and then wake up after the little nap feeling strangely refreshed. This would be ok if it lasted for more than a few hours at a time. But even with copious amounts of coffee it doesn’t. Usually within five or six hours my eyes are heavy and my head is bobbing so I take another cat nap. I did the math and it seems I’m averaging roughly six hours of sleep a day, which is about normal, but there must be something about getting it in little spurts that isn’t setting right with me. Thankfully, this shift should only last another couple of weeks.

Ok, back to the TV detox. The good news is that after consulting my Kindle and Google Play accounts it seems I’ve read 68 books in the past eight months. I know there were a few paperbacks in there too but I’m not sure how many so I didn’t count them. That’s only about 2 per week, so certainly not record braking, but still a respectable amount. I’m sure at least twice as many as I would have read if I had a TV to watch. I’m happy with that.

Okay… feeling a little better. Nothing like taking a nice healthy mental dump to get the creative juices flowing.

That’s all for now

9am.  the entire ride to work, i was nervous but i didn’t really have anxiety like i thought i would. i knew the nervousness was because i’m in a new environment and doing something i have never done before~

10am.  starting work! i was a little thrown off, only because the arrangement of where i put my tools are so different than what i’ve been doing for the last five years! but this is minor and i know i’ll find a good flow in no time! the lighting is amazing at the spa and i feel like i can cut better! i’m excited!! and so happy to be starting something new!!

11am.  i got a surprise delivery from a friend! it really brightened my day and gave me extra energy : >

730pm.  finally finished with work! and i have to say that my first day was very successful! but it was all thanks to all of my friends and close clients being my very first clients!! they helped me to ease into the new place and will always be special to me because of this ❤

9pm.  home time. i’m exhausted but not as exhausted as i was before~ it’s a different kind of exhausted! it’s an accomplished exhausted where my mind isn’t stressed out, my feet just hurt : > !! thankfully i had my coffee jelly that i got as a treat to give me extra energy to finish off my night ❤

11pm.  good night!

⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”  (Exodus 34:6-7)

a fair God ❤

My dear gentle readers…good morning or good night, depending where in the neck of the world you are.  We went to bed a couple of hours ago but I just could not get to sleep.  I am quite tired but I could not find the will to sleep.  I have always preferred the night, I guess that I why I am so good at being who and what I am and why I have to be so heavily medicated to go to sleep at night.  With that being said, I usually don’t have this much trouble getting and staying asleep. I think it has some things to with something that happened today that bothered me so and really struck the reality of the frailty of my health condition and someone close to me.

So it is what it is.

When I was younger, and not pushing 30 HAHAHAHA  my goodness and that just a week and a half away (22 February), I could stay up until 4am.  Now, probably with the added pain meds, I am out by midnight at the latest.  I have always been more active at night.  Have had more energy at night.  Have always had trouble getting out of bed in the morning.  Staying awake

during the day which is part of the reason why they are leaning toward the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.  The diagnosis of insomnia was because of not being able to shut my mind of at night and settle down to go to sleep at stay asleep.  The anxiety.  The depression.  Amongst the other medical conditions I have.

Usually, if I do get up a night, it is just to go to the bathroom, and I am still groggy and in sleep mode, that I can do it quick enough to go to the bathroom, get a quick drink of water and get right back to bed.  But if I wake up in pain, I have to take my meds, have a cigarette just to calm me down because I am usually quite agitated from the pain and have to open those bloody twisty cap bottles to get the pills out of the bottles and my fingers usually are hurting too.  I should call the pharmacy and see about if they can possibly bottle them another way.  Idk if they can.  What do they do for the elderly who have the bad arthritis with the crippled hands?  They of all people certainly cannot grasp the caps to twist to open them.

And I hardly, if ever, get on the computer at night after we have gone to bed.  I have heard that any type of light at all, whether natural or artificial light, wakes the brain and tricks it into thinking it is daytime and then your whole sleep cycle is shot, disruptive, and I cannot risk that.

I found this.  It is kinda interesting.  I really don’t know whether if it is true or not.  If anyone has any insight on that, plz leave me a comment and let me know about it.  Would be interested to know.  Or reblog this and blog again on it.  Thanks…

And this is soooo true.  No one really looks back on their sleepless nights anyways.  They don’t lament on them.  It is really inconsequential in the long run.  At least I am accomplishing something of some importance.  I am not cleaning or doing something of great importance but I am doing something that makes me happy and calms me down and may help me sleep better here shortly.
Perhaps.  Once can only hope and pray….  :)

And this is funny.  I had to leave you with you.  And if you are reading this before you go to bed, plz don’t laugh too hard and cause yourself to have trouble falling asleep.  I really wouldn’t want this for anyone, especially someone who already suffers from this horrid condition.

If you have trouble with this condition and take a prescription for it daily or an OTC medication for it or you are an occasionally suffer, plz leave me a comment and tell me how you cope with it or if you are an unmediated insomniac who never sleeps, plz tell me how you spend your time while the rest of the world sleeps and why you think you may not or may not be able to sleep and how long you have been suffering.  But only if you want to share.  Plz don’t feel as if  you have to  :)

Sleep well, my dear readers!  I hope to be off to bed in a few!

~Serenity

9am.  hanging out with my dogs in the garden. i love when clover sun bathes! he closes his eyes and soaks up the sun! sometimes i wish i was a dog and could relax and enjoy the sun : > !!

10am.  omg. the one lesson i’ve learned from moving from the salon to the spa is not to procrastinate. when something’s hard i try to just put it to the side and do it later. every time i’ve done that, i’ve regretted it. setting up last minute things for the spa and i came to some things that took longer than expected… it was nerve wrecking at times but in the end everything turned out ok! i’m really so thankful ❤

12pm.  tending to the garden! i’m really proud of our garden! i can’t even remember when we first started it but it’s doing really well. there’s been some plants that we’ve lost but others that are still growing strong!! : >

230pm.  emi came home!

530pm.  dinner time! soba & all the fixings!

7pm.  getting ready for tomorrow! i hope everything goes well! and that i don’t have so much anxiety! i’m always so nervous when starting something new! but i have really good feelings at the same time!

10pm.  night!!

¹⁴ The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
(Exodus 33:14)

this sounds really, really good ❤
i hope God’s presence will come with me too!

730am.  church time! i cannot wait to start volunteering this weekend! i hope that it’s something that i can be brave about. i always have anxiety whenever i’m going to do something new~

830am.  dad treated us to a breakfast jack after church! yum ❤ i love having sundays off!

930am.  watering the garden. emi put our new parsley plant in the patio garden. we wanted to see if parsley really does get rid of bad breath hahah : > and emi bought a new oregano plant at the plant sale yesterday! i can’t wait until i can go to the plant sale too!

12pm.  going to unpack the rest of my things at the spa. it was mom’s first time coming to see the spa! and i finally cut her hair! i’m so happy that my family can come and do their hair at the spa now : > ! everything finally feels real. and cutting at the new station felt good. the energy is really nice!

1pm.  after the spa, we went to pick up the bubbies mochi ice cream that i got for my secret santa gift! omg! bubbies is so good!!! we got green tea, sakura and azuki bean mochi ice cream! the green tea was the best, best, best! i liked all the flavors though! ❤

3pm.  we had fries from loco moco and then we went home! today was a very bad eating day! i gotta go on a diet : > !!

4pm.  hanging out on the computer all day!

630pm.  dinner time~ fern tempura and spam. we have not been having great dinners lately. i don’t know what’s been going on. i wish happiness for everyone.

9pm.  kardashian time.

10pm.  sleep. i have a lots of things i need to do tomorrow : >

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. ⁹ Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. ¹⁰ Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.  (Psalm 32:8-10)

i trust You.

#shameonme

However, when I assessed how I felt after. I didn’t feel bloated, but I did feel comfortably full. I was stunned a soup could do that. My energy hasn’t changed or anything. I don’t think it made much of a difference… so I don’t have to start over, do I? Thoughts?

On Monday though, while catching up on my favorite shows on my iPad, I used the 90 second commercial breaks to punch out some pushups and bicycle crunches. Since I haven’t worked out in ages, I expected to be sore. Nope. Absolutely nada soreness. Thanks to Whole 30? I think so!

And sleeping… oh my gosh. It doesn’t matter if I go to bed at 10 or 12; when my Sleep Cycle alarm rouses me (best alarm app ever!) I’ve been tempted to press the green smiley icon for “how I feel.” Then I think to myself, no, I want more sleep… but my body refuses to listen! As soon as those pretty tones wake me up, I’m up. It both sucks and is awesome–it’s weird. And my sleep quality percent is consistently high now too. (You can check out Sleep Cycle here… you’ll love it, too, I promise!)

So I guess I’m seeing some cool positive side effects already from doing the Whole30! I’m down with that.

Day 14 meals

• Breakfast: 3 egg omelet with red bell peppers
• Lunch: apple, spinach, shredded carrots, topped with garlic beef I made at my friend’s over the weekend (delish btw)
• Snack: cashews
• Dinner: that not-so Whole30 compliant soup and a tablespoon of almond butter, Lara Bar for treat

Day 15 meals

• Breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs and an apple
• Lunch: Cafe Rio tortilla-free tostada chicken salad with only guacamole and pico
• Dinner: lamb, red bell pepper and sweet potato topped with coconut oil
• Late night snack: almond butter… What? I get hungry right before bed!

Oh, and I can flip an omelet on a pan without it flying away from me. Master cook in training!

So things are starting to look up! Yay! :)

What’s all the fuss about? Why is the most popular App something which shows you how you sleep? Are we running out of useless things to spend our money on? Angry Birds just created a Rio version with parrots, that’s definitely worth a couple of quid but Sleep Cycle? Last thing I want to do after a bad night’s sleep is analyse a graph which shows me how bad my sleeping technique is. I generally know if it was a good night because my girlfriend will say “you were really snoring last night”, and then I’ll say, “was I?” (like I’m helplessly unaware of my unmanageable habit). If I wake up and start eating coffee granules, showering under the kettle and trying to toast the television, then I know I haven’t had a great night’s rest. Chances are, that night, I will sleep soundly because I’ll be really bloody tired. I don’t need my mobile to wake me up when I reach an optimal point in my cycle, only so it can soothe me back to sleep with music (which by the way is only as soothing as the speakers on your mobile). It’s like your partner lying next to you saying “you asleep yet?”, “No”, “Ok, night night”.

I don’t want my Samsung Android in bed with me and I definitely don’t want it judging me while I sleep. Just do what my dad did to me when I was a baby, double shot of whisky, done, flat out. Relying on a bar chart is not going to help with your feelings of anxiety and your lack of self-control.

Wind scrapes leaves across the road,
first flashes of snow, it is dark then
it’s really dark. Forgive me for not
writing for so long, I’ve been
right beside you, one of the vaguer
divinities blocking your way with its need
to confess all its botched attempts at love,
what started the whole mess. I love this place,
its absurd use of balustrade, the chairs
that dig into the spine, motorcyclists
propping their drunk girlfriends in the sun,
men playing timed chess with themselves,
the guarantees and warnings that entice us
to the brink of what they warn about.

But we can do no more than pass through
these rooms and their sudden chills
where once a plea was entered almost
unintentionally that seemed at last
to reveal ourselves to ourselves,
immaculate, bereft, deserving to be found.

- Dean Young

It was a pain that felt like a strained muscle. There are muscles in the penis that can be strained.

It took me awhile, but I figured out why I was feeling pain.

I really was straining my penis.. and here is how I was doing it.

Men, at some point during our sleep cycle, get erections. It doesn’t matter at all what we have been dreaming about. It’s something to do with how our brains work during sleep.

I finally figured out that when I got an erection during sleep, I was straining my penis.

Here’s how:

When I would get an erection while sleeping, my penis would push against the fabric of the pajama pants I worn to bed. These are not very tight pajama bottoms, but unfortunately, they were still snug enough for me not to be able to extend fully without pushing against the fabric.

I stopped wearing anything to bed, and made sure not to tuck in the covers too tight.

Since I’ve been sleeping naked, I haven’t been experiencing any pain when I’ve had erections.

And this.. is a VERY good thing.