So, I am in the process of adding a bunch of posts to moustachesnacks, in case anyone is interested. If I got your address in the past month, you might be.

MOUSTACHESNACKS

This one combines a whole bunch of my favorite things : vegetable labels, whales, and Ol’ Dirty Bastard. I thought that Mr. Dalton could appreciate it fully.

This one is for Bruce “Side-eye” (ps. WTF does “Side-eye” mean?)-fact provided by Mr. Anthony Cassella. He is basically like the Google of facts about snack food.

This one’s for you, Fenner.

This damn thing was returned to me. Little do they know, I will just make another.

So, I have been working for the past coupla weeks on postcards to be sent out to friends, collected haphazardly and happenstansically. Brace yourselves, United States Postal Service-there is gettin’ ready to be a flurry of hard-to-catagorize mail. xo.

Snail mail is unexpectedly fast. I recently mailed a letter to my friend for her birthday, and it arrived just 4 days after I sent it. Another time, I mailed an entire package with international shipping to London, and that arrived within 5 business days.

Plus you can get extra packs of coupons if you go the slow way. There’s also something about seeing your mailbox stuffed with something that makes your heart beat faster in anticipation, even if it turns out to be junk mail. It’s actually not as annoying as getting junk e-mail. I wonder why.

Going manual has its own perks, like reading a book – it’s something concrete you hold in your hands. If it’s personal mail, you can also see your friend/relative’s handwriting, and if you’re a nerd or an avid fan of the mystery genre, you can try to deduce or guess what personality traits the sender has, what mood he or she was in while writing the letter, whether s/he is left or right handed, etc. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but even he would have some problems with trying to deduce a person’s character by reading their e-mails.

I’m the advocate for snail mail. Send some Christmas cards this year instead of e-cards! Then don’t forget to recycle or reuse the letters you receive to help save the environment. Unless you want to keep them forever and ever, like I do.

Okie dokie, so I suppose I should explain these envelopes. I have started a project basically just getting rid of all the random ephemera that I have been collecting over the years by sending mail to friends whose addresses I collect haphazardly and happenstansically. That is all.

More interesting than your typical flower pot holder.

Walked by this the other day, had to look twice before seeing the mailbox underneath all the plants. How symbolic of the world we live in today. These things used to be superstars, the ultimate hubs for communication and information sharing all over the world. But no longer. At least in the information-sharing sense, real mail is dwindling, rapidly becoming a relic of the past.. though in this case, at least we got some nice urban decoration. Let’s make sure we’re pointing these things out to our children and grandchildren while they’re still around, before museums and junkyards will be the only places left where we’ll find them. Just sayin’.

So, I fired off two more emails…  One to Subway, and one to my new friend Mr. Jones at Quiznos.  No response from Mr. Jones yet, but we do have one from Subway.  I’ll share it all below!

OK, so email one, to Subway:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
To: “Bridenbaker, Mack” m.bridenbaker@sfaft.org
Cc: Paula Gomez gomez_p@subway.com; Kevin Kane kane_k@subway.com; Anna Marie Seeley seeley_a@subway.com
Sent: Mon, November 23, 2009 10:24:20 AM
Subject: Re: Subway [Customer ID: 1918316]

Hello Mr. Bridenbaker,

It’s been over a week since your email to me saying that Ms. Gomez would address my concerns and I’ve yet to see any sort of response.  I still haven’t had a reply to my initial message to Ms. Seely, or  from anyone on your team.  I’m disappointed in the lack of comment overall, my first message which was sent on Oct. 28th has still gone unanswered.

I now understand why the employees in your stores have an “I don’t care” attitude.  It trickles down from the top, and certainly must be passed on in franchise owners, hiring, & training.

I’m amazed at your total lack of concern for the decline of your once championing establishment.  I should perhaps pass on my shellfish allergen and cross-contamination concerns to some allergy awareness groups.  Perhaps allergy awareness lobbyists will warrant some attention.  Everyone I know already hates Jared and the $5 footlong commercials, so I don’t need to push the issue on that one.  The concept of cheese tessellation will obviously elude the average sandwich artist from now until the end of time, so we have no hope there.

Perhaps in copying Quiznos’ idea of toasting subs, you should also adopt their business model in using better quality ingredients and customer service policies.  I have had a continued dialog with them regarding your lack of customer service and their seemingly misleading Toasty Torpedo ads with the very tiny hands.  They proudly stand behind their ads (however creepy), their innovation, and their customer service.

Not signed.  On purpose.  Notice all the Cc’s, everyone hates that… I don’t care who you are.   I tried to poke at every issue and make empty useless claims about allergy awareness groups, and I brought up that Quiznos is the trend-setter while noting that they’re also not perfect.

And, on a friendlier note to Quiznos, I decided to reveal my intentions to an amicable Mr. Jones:

From: ERiC AiXeLsyD world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 9:22 AM
Subject: Re: The Quiznos Toasty TorpedoT ads?
To: “Jones, Tony” TJones2@quiznos.com

Thanks Tony,

I must confess, I do have a blog and I have been chronicling my email escapades there.  I like to play them as part consumer advocacy, part humor and all goofy.  I used to write snail mail letters, but email has made it so much easier & faster.  Some friends have encouraged me to keep writing, so I have.  I really enjoy the open & honest dialogue that we have going on, and appreciate that you stand behind the product & integrity of your company… and take the time to respond to emails such as mine.  Also, you obviously have a sense of humor, which has to be a “must” for any kind of customer interaction.  I’m sure you get goofier emails and phone calls from actual crazy people.

I’m intrigued at your suggestion that I get into consulting or franchise journalism.  Do you know how I would even go about this?  Would I need to obtain a degree in something?  I hope to grab followers to my blog just for amusement, but am unaware as to how to make it a profitable venture, ha ha ha.

Thank you once again for your time, I’m actually waiting to hear from some of your Quiznos colleagues, and Subway has still not given me a response beyond “someone will respond”… not that I’m at all surprised by that at this point.

Rock on!
-Eric

Hopefully he writes back in a positive light, and still finds all of this amusing.  Still waiting for further comment from his other colleagues, none of which have really delivered so far.

And, now, the fun part… Subway’s response (or lack thereof):

From: asksubway@subway.com
Date: Mon, Nov 23, 2009 at 3:03 PM
Subject: Subway
To: world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dear Mr Aixelsyd:

First, allow me to apologize. Secondly, I would like to thank you for taking the time to contact us and share your comments.

At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.

Our customers provide us with valuable input, which we use to improve our operations. Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.

I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.

Again, I appreciate you taking the time to contact us. SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits.

Sincerely,

Paula Gomez

Heh.  “First, allow me to apologize” not followed by an apology is extremely profound, and hopefully intentional.  Then, she thanks me for writing, probably through gritted teeth.

This line reeks of copy & paste:  “At each SUBWAY® restaurant, it is the goal of every owner; manager and employee to produce each sandwich and salad properly made to order.”

And, I love the long winded “it wasn’t me”/”it’s not my fault”/”it’s not my problem”:  “Your comments were shared with the regional office in your area as well as the owner of the SUBWAY® restaurant that you have visited.  Since all restaurants are individually owned and operated it is the owner who would be the person to contact you in response to your concern.”  Basically, she’s telling me that I’m being ignored by a lower level.

“I have gone ahead and copied our Training Department so that further lessons can be addressed with owners and their employees on proper handling.”  With what?  Cross-contamination?  Cleanliness?  Cheese tessellation? How to reply to customer emails?

“SUBWAY® looks forward to your continued visits” …so we can spit in your food?  Did she read my emails?  Perhaps this whole thing is just a reading comprehension issue.  I find it amusing that the e Subway spokesperson declined to comment.  Perhaps now is the time to move into old-school W(aL)D mode, and reply that Subway will not be allowed on the moon when I’m emperor.

Are there any psychologists or psychiatrists out there reading this?  I’d love to get your take (…if you can tell me without telling me what my own problems are, ha ha ha).

If you haven’t been following,you may want to check out the back-story rundown here:  If we’re keeping score, that’s Subway 1 and Quiznos 3½. That should explain the last email, and at the bottom there’s a rundown of all the ones that came before it (with links) if you’re interested.

Also… lots of people have been telling me they’re following… by word of mouth, or Facebook, or Twitter, and even via text message… but I beg you, if you’re reading… post a comment here, and others may have a comment about your comment.  I see by the stats that people are reading.  Don’t be shy.  We’re all friends here.  Except for you, people at Subway… Except for you.

Listening to: Seven worlds collide: the sun came out

In the aromatherapy burner: lavender, bergamont

Been up town to post off most of the overseas christmas mail. Just some more cards to Aussie to go, and you don’t get to send those at the discount rate, mind you books of $1.80 stamps are going for $1.50 at the moment so that’s a saving.

I’m feeling kind of spacey today – think its a cycle thing. Definetly glad I haven’t got a day of bellydancing tomorrow as I would be so unco-ordinated.

Am tidying and cleaning today. Crap day outside really but no rain as yet. I am giving the kitchen a bit of a clean. Looking at the open homes on K’s blog is not a good thing in terms of feeling adequate about one’s own abode – of course those houses are all spruced up and clutter free! Still the surfaces in this old house do get a bit grimy and there can be a bit of dust. And my clutter of course!!

(from addair)

I got three handwritten letters in the mail and I wanted to share some of the good fortune.

“If they really wanted to help cats out in here, they would give them things that they could use out there like education or a trade.  Instead of just sitting around in here in this kind of environment”  - Josh Wilson,my cousin and prisoner at Pocahontas Correctional Center, on the helpfulness of his required “Productive Citizenship” class

Let (he got a fresh coat of paint) modeling a necklace another cousin, Caleb Monk, crafted and sent to me

“I just can’t be rockin pants that tight, no way.”  -Josh, on Levon and Dustin’s attire the last time we went to visit him

“I truly am not the convicted felon which my ignoble behavior has tainted me.  A young man’s idiocy has branded a decent man the criminal, and such an embarrassing label shall forever be my bane”  -Luke Lafferty, a friend of Josh’s at Pocahontas Correctional Center

art from Caleb (he's at a small jail in Southwestern Virginia) he melted M&M candies for the color.

You can get good old fashioned letters in the mail too.  If you’d like to write any of them visit fearandloathinginprison.wordpress.com to get the addresses.

Even though most of my work is done entirely online, occasionally there are times when I have to send a letter: invoices for clients who want print copies, official correspondence and even, sometimes, letters to people who I can’t get in touch with online. I don’t always want to drop everything and head off to the post office to send my mail, however, making Snailmailr a surprisingly useful tool.

For 99 cents, Snailmailr will print and send a letter anywhere — and that includes internationally. To start with, you just type in your return address, as well as the recipient’s address. Once you’ve got those all-important details entered in, Snailmailr will provide you with an editor not too dissimilar from that you might see in an email client. You can choose your font and text size, and italicize, underline, bold, highlight and position your text as well. You can even insert a photo if you wish.

If all you need to do is send a short note or an invoice, that may be all you need to do. If, however, you have a longer document that you need to send along with your document, Snailmailr is prepared. You can upload an attachment that will be printed in full color for no extra charge (up to two pages) and mailed with your letter. You can attach PDFs (s adbe), Microsoft Word (s msft) documents, PowerPoint slides, text files or RTF files. You can also choose to skip writing a note and make the attached file the entirety of your letter. Pages beyond the first two cost 25 cents per page, with an upper limit of 20 pages.

Once your letter is ready to go, you’ll be taken to a preview page which will show you what your letter will look like, as well as offer you a payment button to check out. Snailmailr uses Amazon Payments to help you pay for your mail. If you change your mind about sending a letter, you can cancel anytime, up until when the letter is actually printed, and receive a full refund. Snailmailr notes on its site that letters are printed on quality recycled paper. The company also offsets emissions with carbon credits.

There are some additional fees that may increase the cost of using Snailmailr. For instance, all mail sent through the site is stamped with the SnailMailr logo — if you’d rather leave that off, you can pay 10 cents per letter to do so.

At first glance, 99 cents may seem like a high price to pay for sending a letter, which normally costs about 44 cents. However, that 99 cents covers more than the cost of a stamp: It also covers full color printing, the cost of driving to the post office, and even the time necessary to get a letter in the mail. It may not necessarily be the best option for every piece of mail you send, but it’s more than reasonable if you only have one or two letters to get into the mail.

Have you tried using Snailmailr to send a letter? Let us know what you think of the service in the comments.

Today you should send a piece of friendly snail mail to someone. You get bonus points if it’s someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. – Sarah Kronk

Aw dang, target audience alert!  I’m exactly the kind of bitch who goes apeshit over this sort of thing:

The World’s Smallest Postal Service!  I  kid you not.  Found out about this one in a bourgie ladynewsletter I subscribe to.

Postmaster Lea Redmond sets up shop and turns customer letters into the smallest li’l thing you ever did see.  Take a look at this video of her in action.  This shit is so precious, I’ve got a case of the heart eyeballs.

World’s Smallest Postal Service will be at the Curiosity Shoppe on 19th/Valencia tomorrow, from 2-6 p.m.  Get over there and SWAK it up.  They’ve got a pretty hefty SF schedule, too, in case you miss it.

Recently my cousin wrote a post about the beauty of snail mail, ending with a challenge to herself and her readers to send out one piece of mail for every day in November. This has stuck with me during the past couple weeks, but I have done nothing to pursue her challenge. Tomorrow I have an outline for my persuasive speech due in class and, while brainstorming today for a new topic, snail mail merged with speech class. I am going to persuade them to write more letters.

While looking for information and sources to defend my stance, I was actually intrigued by what I found. Postal mail was on a continual rise until 2006, where it peaked at 213 billion pieces of mail sent through the US Postal Service in a year. In the past three years it has dropped 20%, and another large drop is projected for this year. Not only does this mean the government Post Office is losing money, but it also shows a shift in the way people communicate. I found estimates of 1.4 billion email users worldwide, and 247 billion emails sent daily.

I also found that studies show that writing out our thoughts, either by journaling or letter writing, can benefit our physical and mental well-being. Journaling has been strongly linked to lowering the risk for asthma, in particular. I would also suspect that the rarity of actually writing or receiving postal mail creates a greater happiness from doing so than probably would be there if this was a regular part of our lives. Smiling and laughing have been proven to increase endorphin levels, so if a letter can bring a smile then it is making us feel better.

In my speech I offer the idea of writing personal letters to friends or family, letters of action to elected officials, and letters of encouragement to soldiers overseas. Along with this last point I found several organizations that assist Americans in sending letters and care packages to our military. The Letters From Home Program is the one I chose to gather notes from my class members for.

I think I am going to take Candace’s challenge, though perhaps not to the degree that she intended. With how busy I am, I am going to endeavor to write at least one letter per week. At the current stamp rate, that’s only $1.76 a month. Perhaps I will write one personal letter and another to either a magazine, government official, or military care program. I’m actually really excited to do so! Maybe I’ll even get some thoughtful responses sent back.

If you want an issue of Cuddle Puddles and Hot Pants # 4, please send 3 dollars to
Mo Karnage
PO Box 6025
Richmond, VA 23222

It is a super long issue, about Richmond activism, about my life, about silly stuff. Includes book and movie reviews, funny pictures etc. Definitely worth checking out!

I also still have back issues #1 and #3. Issue 3 is 2 bucks and Issue 1 is 1 buck.
Thanks for your support!
Mo