Computers. They are fast things. We picture whizzing machines with high speed capabilities and even the worst of the lot can calculate a million operations per second. Or so they shamefully lie.

I take this opportunity to throw tomatoes and onions at Bols, for suggesting this topic.

You see, most computers have a mind of their own. Its called, the Awesomely Lopsided Unicorn. They use this in tandem with the CPU, which stands for Candy Pyjamas Uniform.

You know about the million whatever per hour? Well, I say its a farce. As with all presentations, there are loop-holes.

We descend upon the fact that all ‘operations’ need not be useful. Apart from the occasional kidney transplanted for the occasional carpet seller, computers are not known for brains.

This is made apparent by the fact that they ask you to press keys. You could think of keys as a essential survival-mechanism for the computer. Yet, they are treated akin to cretin, even the place they inhabit is called a Key Bored.

You wouldn’t go around asking random people whom you barely knew to poke your body so you could get on with your work, would you?

If there is one organism on the lower end of the popularity spectrum, but manages to get into everybody’s home, is the Mouse. You’ve seen the kind which nibble and bite and poop and run and squeal and do all kinds of cool things.

Now, meet the cyber-mouse. You need to roll the little thingamajig, which most experts called the Roller Bawl. This little chopstick is located squat bang in the middle of its body, in between what can be considered ‘legs’ of the mouse. The mice do not sport a tail. This is mainly due to a mad-scientfish called Weesmun.

He apparently was the scientific equivalent of a psychopath, making hamsters and mice and rats and their kind run on little wheels of doom called the hoola-loop.

They would eventually generate enough biomass/friction (any or both) to power a light-bulb which would power a nuclear reactor which was planned to bomb the Sewage Works, thus releasing all of rat-kind.

But, we digress. These experiments had the unfortunate consequence of the rats and mice and tennis balls to develop tails in the front, rather than behind. They also developed strange logos on their backs, such as ‘SAM’S HUNG’ or ‘THE YELL’. Some advertised their furry s- uhm, maturity by sporting ‘Micro Soft’.

The cruelty of computers? They take these dead mice and plug it into sockets of their own behinds. This provides the electricity to run life. What really takes the cake, is the mice receive their own electric bills every month!

Speaking of behinds, its no wonder most computers have the sockets on their hind-side. This is because, these holes on the computers are colored. And they wouldn’t want us to know their butts are powered by electricity and a voltage spike could literally fry their ass.
To make things worse, they have tiny little projections (equivalent to hair), which may cause pain for life. This is made clear by the fact they are called pins.

I bet that you, the foolish user, did not know you were stimulating the mice by rolling the balls back and forth so they provided optimum performance. Well, now the cats out of the bag and the whole paragraph should be in disarray within a few seconds.

We need a hero at this point. Somebody, something, who everybody can point at and blame if anything (or everything) goes wrong. Here, we have, the Processor.

You can see straightaway that it fits the bill perfectly. It is huge, chunky and is not easily motivated even when hit by a cricket bat.
Whats more, it has lots of holes for lots of other electrical things to plug into it and remain coordinated.
You can start it at the press of a button and a few encouraging slaps on its head. And, it has the ALU and CPU and all the other noodles in one place so we can blow everything whenever we want.

A computer, is so stupid, that it can only add. Yes, that is a fact. If you ask me how it multiplies, I would reply that it does not. The slowness is inherent, due to the fact that it is a kind of one trick pony.

It adds negative numbers to subtract, repeatedly adds to multiply, repeatedly subtracts to divide. However, how it manages to hoot and whistle at its will is a mystery which baffles even the best netizen.

Speaking of the net, the computer uses slowness to its advantage. I bet you never heard anyone say ‘Snafu’ or ‘lol’ in real life before. Instead, we just go on and do the real thing. The time we take to expand acronyms is greedily hogged by the computer to lick the last crumbs of wafers off its monitors (NOW you know who was raiding your fridge the last time you went out).

The internet may be vast, but most of us go through a modem to access it. I’m currently looking at a rather sinister figure which looks rather like a tortoise. Which, of course, epitomizes slowness.

Only, this shell was squashed flat. Badly. It doesn’t help that it works as a part-time pencil holder.

The maximum juice I ever got outta this baby, was around 2Mbps per second.

Did you spot the trickery yet? No? I guess you didn’t. But nothing slips past my attentive eye, especially if I’m given five minutes to contemplate while I wait for my pass to the net.

The Mbps. Nothings wrong here. Except, somethings not right. Sure, the computer knows grammar you might think. It capitalizes very well.
However, this Mbps is a sham,fake,a lie. For, it does NOT stand for what is stands – just like most political leaders.

And, much like the leaders, it is slow to act. And react. Most of them are designed with the welfare of the producers in mind, so we break it and order another.

Unfortunately, what started out as a normal comical rant had to turn into this wrathful string of woes. Most of which are limited to my laptop.

I am still squinting at it. You still need to return my Snickers, don’t you? AND you owe me some money…

My grandkids loved this special jello I made just for

 them!  Mix a package of green apple jello according to

directions.  Let it thicken a little in fridge. 

Chop a small snickers bar and 1 apple in the

food processor. Stir into thickened

jello.

 my surprises, haha

A relatively uneventful day in the sports world. The two daytime football games were pretty miserable [what do you expect when you have the lions and the raiders playing]. Giants got their asses kicked, which was kind of nice. When you’re a jets fan, the last thing you need is the giants fans riding their bandwagon high horses. Michigan basketball won in OT, thanks to a strong finish by Corperryale L’adorable Manny Harris [seriously, that's his real name]. Because I’m immensely full of turkey and stuffing I’m leaving you with my current favorite commercial. Enjoy:

Als wir 1990 anfingen Musik zu machen, waren in der Hip Hop Szene besonders die schwarzen Klamotten der American  Football Mannschaft  LA. Raiders sehr beliebt. Ihr könnt euch sicher vorstellen, dass so eine Crew wie wir da oben auf Sylt recht “befremdlich” rüberkam   Schnell hatten wir deshalb unseren Spitznamen weg, und man nannte uns auf Grund der Raiders Klamotten auf Sylt nur noch die  “Snickers Gang” Eigentlich total lustig, aber Mr. T vom A-Team, der früher schon ein riesen Fan von uns  war, fand das gar nicht witzig. Und jetzt, fast 20 Jahre später, rächt er sich  bei den verantwortlichen Lästermeulern mit schwerem Geschütz GET SOME NUTS !

Gefunden hier

For alle som har bodd i Australia kommer vel ikke denne posten som noen overraskelse. Er det noe Australia er skikkelig dårlig på, i tillegg til steinalder internett, så er det reklamer.

Men bør vel kanskje forklare hvorfor. Australia, for de som ikke er helt stødig i geografi, ER VELDIG STORT. Det betyr at mye av den reklamen som man ser på tv er laget for den regionen som man er i, istedenfor hele landet som en helhet. Det er selvsagt enkelte reklamer som går landet rundt, men veldig mange er kun laget for “ditt” område. Det betyr igjen at det er lokale bedrifter med mindre budsjetter som står bak reklamene. Det igjen går utover “kvaliteten”.

Har prøvd å finne frem noen skikkelige gode eksempler. Har funnet noen, men den reklamen jeg ville finne fant jeg ikke. Men for å beskrive hvor dårlig og plagsom den er, så er det faktisk en gruppe på Facebook som er dedikert (eller heter det dedisert) til damen som spiller i reklamen. Gruppen heter “The girl from the Vista Blinds ad must die”

En fyr som min kjære “samboer” ikke er særlig glad i er Paulie fra Autobarn. Dere får bedømme selv, men tror Håkon er inne på noe. Legg forresten merke til fingerarbeidet på slutten av reklamen.

Et annet godt eksempel på en heller dårlig lokal laget reklame som jeg kom over er denne som handler om store maskiner på salg. Får vel ikke akkurat “mer” lyst på gravemaskin etter dette.

Selv store selskaper kan også gå på noen smeller. Denne “klassikeren fra 80-tallet er jeg heller glad for at jeg ikke fikk oppleve.

Håper folk ser hvorfor dette er irretabelt. For man skal huske at Australsk TV kjører samme reklame interval som TV3 i Norge, dvs, reklame HVERT FJERDE MINUTT!!! Og så i tillegg må man holde ut med dette her og ting som er enda verre.

Er det rart jeg blir irritert?

BONUS OG EKSEMPEL PÅ GLIMRENDE REKLAME

Denne Norske juvelen her er noe av det beste som reklameverdenen kan tilby. Komedien til Trond Kirkevaag og musikken til Prima Vera i fint samspill. Og for oss som er i en viss alder kan faktisk huske den gangen Milkshaken kom i den embalasjen.

Här är då mitt första officiella framträdande i rikssänd Television, ett bejublat spektakel som lockade fram applåder från gamla såväl som unga tittare.

För bokning, kontakta mig på: viktorenstrom[at]gmail.com

A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man. He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

“A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasped.

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd. A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, “A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn’t there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?”

Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.

“Mr. Policeman,” said the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Christian. But for 50 years now, I’m living behind the Catholic Church on Second Avenue, and every night I’m overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man.”

The policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.

The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice:

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

“B-4 … I-19 … N-38 … G-54 … O-72…”

_____

(HT: D Browning)

I know that I need to get a life because all I ever talk about is my students, BUT this story needs to be shared. It’s that awesome (to me anyway. And boo to you if you don’t like it).

So, my CT and I both completely agree on cell phone rules: don’t have it out or its mine for the hour. If it’s right at the beginning of the period before we’ve really started lessons, we’ll let it slide.

Anyway, I was circulating around the room to monitor the students and keep them on-task when I spied one of my students texting. This student is generally very well behaved in class and I have few problems with her. However, I did have to take both her iPod AND her cell phone from her in the same class hour last week.

I stick my hand out for the phone. Today is her birthday, and it was right at the beginning of class, but I wanted it anyway. She pondered for a second, then reached back into her pocket (where she’d stashed her phone) and put a fun-size snickers in my hand.

I know I should’ve said “No dice,” and given her points, but sometimes, you just have to let it go, have a laugh, and enjoy the free candy. Happy birthday, dear student, happy birthday to you.

P.S. I am going to start blogging something substantial here soon. I’m getting the itch, I just need a couple of good topics to mull over before I really dig in and start writing.

Worf’s Forehead Totally Looks Like Snickers Candybar

» Think you can do better? Make your own!

Pictures by: Snickers, Worf’s forehead Look-alike by: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa via Totally Looks Like Builder

I decided it was appropriate to start this blog with a post about sex, since it’s how I ended up where I am today.

In our society, sex can be such an uptight topic. But when you are pregnant, obviously, you had to have sex to get to where you are. So, in my opinion, it gives you free rein to talk about it. A lot. Which is a good thing. Since pregnancy sex is AWESOME. If someone would have told me how good it feels, I would have been knocked up a long time ago.

On a serious note, though, E. and I have been having some intense conversations the past few days. All this is so overwhelming and scary. We are both trying to stick close together and be supportive to each other. As easy as it would be to blame him or for him to blame me, the reality is, this is our responsibility and we share it, equally.

I do think he is trying to chub me out. He keeps offering me bad treats, like cookies and Snickers bars. In fact, he “accidentally” left one in my fridge. So far, I’ve been good and resisted it. I want to be able to fit into my lingerie.

The evil Snickers bar tempting me in the fridge...

What can I say about today’s choice of  image, I like cats.  I get annoyed that Francy won’t allow me to have a cat, but if  we hadn’t met, I would most likely be a crazy cat lady.

Today’s post comes to mind because on Saturday we will be having a party of sorts.  Of sorts because I said it was to celebrate Thanksgiving, but this was just to convince Francy.  After our last day out with his friends we decided that a pleasant afternoon with friends shouldn’t include shouting anti-Muslim and anti-foreigner rants.  (note:  when one woman caressed my face and said “When I say foreigners are bad people, I don’t mean you.  You’re integrated into our society. You’re a nice girl”)

It was all I could do to not give her a double f-you and f-you alla Berger in Sex and the City.

Ok, let me get back on track.  My goal in convincing Francy to have a party with my friends is that he’ll have a nice afternoon.  No, we don’t always agree on every subject, but the mere ability of my friends to listen to and consider someone else’s viewpoint (without swearing and yelling) wins big points with Francy.  I mean yes, my friend Paedar’s wife has a weird habit I haven’t figured out yet, but I don’t win the debate by using the f-word repeatedly.  Paedar is Irish (he’ll agree that it’s a sad stereotype, but just give him potatoes in any form and he’s a happy man) and his wife is Italian.  Since they are usually the only 2 Italians present when we get together, they often have a debate on the state of THEIR nation.  For some strange reason, her defense is always “well, they have that in America too” or some other bizzare and random criticism (apparently she prefers to be ignored by salesclerks vs offered help as is the case in America).  That’s fine, I’ll politely explain to you that in modern American society we don’t have a  lot of rogue 3-card monty tables on the street, but you can think we do if it gets you through the night.

Then there’s Paul.  Paul is fabulous.  He’s a little brusk at times.  Sometimes he goes into anti-social mode, but if that’s the case he also goes into hiding until he’s human again.  Paul is smart, funny and as Paul said about my wedding reception,

“There’s wine, lots of wine and when I want more wine, I just ask.  What is there to complain about?”

We’ve decided to risk adding 3 more Italians to the mix.  One is Alessandro, a friend of Paedar’s who is teaching Francy and Paedar how to drive.  He must be a saint or the world’s most patient man and therefore deserves to be invited.  Then we have Alessandro and Isabella.  It’s risky because they are younger and while much more open-minded than Francy’s friends, we’ve never thrown them into the mix before.  Alessandro #2 however, will always have a place in my heart simply for the story of when he went to Miami.  He didn’t know about sales tax and proceeded to argue with the cashier until she gave him 3 Snickers and told him to get lost.  He took the candy and left, but will forever be confused by “tax not included”.

Next time: The morning routine.

This is a re-post from my old MySpace blog.  I used to have a ton of this W(aL)D crap.  Apparently a few of you find it as amusing as I do.  There are some that have been lost to the ages, but there are some good ones left here…

So, I remembered that my e-mails to & from world.and.lunar.domination@gmail.com used to actually be about World (and Lunar) Domination.  Sadly, a lot of the original stuff is lost due to a PittsburghBeat.com crash.  Maybe Rippa can get me a backup from somewhere if one still exists, and I can sort through all the shit to find the meat of the posts.

• Arguing with thoughts about Pittsburgh
• W(aL)D:  World (and Lunar) Domination (All point to stuff that’s not there…)
• W(aL)D:  Bow to Your Future Emperor (All point to stuff that’s not there…)
• W(aL)D:  Strange Self-Amusement (All point to stuff that’s not there…)
• W(aL)D:  Coca~Cola®, Dr.Pepper®, Quizno’s®, & Starbucks® (All point to stuff that’s not there…)
• W(aL)D: Quiznos/Dr. Pepper/Coca~Cola/Starbucks/Chick-fil-A (All point to stuff that’s not there…)
• Unprofessioanlism
• W(aL)D:  Coca~Cola (Points to thread not there any more…)
• W(aL)D:  BK / Monroeville Gub’ment (Pointing to the beat that’s not there any more)
• W(aL)D:  Letters To & From Burger King
• W(aL)D: Target® & the “Express” Checkout Lane…
• W(aL)D: Target® will not be allowed on the moon!
• W(aL)D:  Target® Wrote back, so I wrote another one…
• D’oh!  The Beat disappeared…
• Driving in & around the Liberty Tubes (Pittsburgh, PA)
• W(aL)D: Mass Turn Signal Outages?
• W(aL)D: Turn signal responses, only Subaru & Nissan are funny…
• Tips for putting on a local show…
• Read this before you name your band…
• How To Cross The Street 101
• Ketchup
• W(aL)D: I know you’re out there…
• W(aL)D: Ketchup Packets
• W(aL)D: Well, F you too… Sonic.
• You’re/Your & Their/There/They’re
• W(aL)D: Boston Market, WTF?
• W(aL)D: Boston Market CEO Replies to e-mails?
• W(aL)D: Thanks to Boston Market
• W(aL)D: Boston Market Regional Manager Actually Writes Back
• W(aL)D: Boston Market Sends Me Some Mail
• W(aL)D: Steak ‘n Shake vs. Eat’n Park @ Pittsburgh Mills
• W(aL)D: Steak ‘N Shake is the first to reply!
• W(aL)D: Eat’n Park sends me some mail!
• W(aL)D: I finally write back to Steak ‘N Shake…
• W(aL)D: Someone else at Steak ‘N Shake writes back…
• W(aL)D: The Steak ‘N Shake Saga Continues!
• W(aL)D: Steak ‘N Shake Sends Coupons!
• Snickers Commercial
• Personal Space / Flags on Automobiles
• “Oh my, that’s an ugly dog!”
• W(aL)D: Pizza Hut.
• W(aL)D:  Pizza Hut Response
• McDonald’s is gross…
• W(aL)D: McFilth at McDonald’s® & Heads-up to Heinz®!
• Wendy’s is gross now too?
• W(aL)D:  “Pizza Hut, Pay Attention!
• W(aL)D: Response from Heinz!
• Bob Evans Restaurants (Deathfish)
• Yum! Brands, Inc. – KFC/Taco Bell (Deathfish)
• Michelob Amber Bock / PA Beer Laws are Dumb
• W(aL)D: “Red Tab?  I won!” – 1^st Letter to Faygo
• W(aL)D: “Here’s some proof” – 2^nd Letter to Faygo
• W(aL)D: Faygo Writes Back!

There’s some more too, for sure…

• You can always count on McDonald’s.
• Sprint & The Samsumg SPH-M520: Slowly driving me to the brink of insanity…
• Is espresso coffee?
• Sprint Customer Service – Is this normal? (From a cnet.com forum.)

And, the food posts always seem to be interesting to some:

• Lasagna w/ zucchini and yellow squash… and a steak meal – all in one post. (With photos!)
• Chili (With Photos!)
• A1 Cheese Steaks (With Photos!)
• 1st dinner on my (at the time) new grill (With photos!)
  

Record reviews:

• The Satanic Bat – Tales From the Southland, Tales From the Sea…
• Billy No Mates (2 albums!)
• Avenged Sevenfold – City of Evil
• The Unseen – State of Discontent

Give me five staples on your grocery list.

1. cheese!

2. eggs

3. kool aid

4. crackers

5. chocolate bar!

why did they stop selling these out here? i loved it

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091114012512AAU1bcy

Der Werbespot “Don´t Stop” für Snickers ist ein weiteres Beispiel aus der Kreativ-Schmiede von unexpected Postproduction, der eindrucksvoll zeigt wie Real-Dreh, 3D Rendering und Post-Production optimal ineinander greifen.

I found my kindred spirit last night.

Watching David Attenborough’s Life on BBC, the life of the Vogelkop Bowerbird appeared to me a perfect manifestation of the purity of some of my deepest interests: colour, collecting, aesthetics, and having a partner with whom to share these interests and passions.

My beguilement was disturbed by the realisation that my girlfriend and my housemate were laughing at this little fella’s eccentricities, and, indeed, their comparability to my own.

Found in New Guinea, the Vogelkop Bowerbird, or Amblyornis inornata, appears to have a taste for the finer things. When building his Bower – the hut which the male Bowerbird builds in which to attract mates – the Vogelkop variety goes to great lengths to decorate the interior of it with colourful items and curiosities he has collected.

Ranging from moss, flowers and fruit through to fungi and shiny beetles, the Vogelkop Bowerbird’s creation is a collage of pure form reminiscent of Matisse’s Snail, especially if the below image from the Collaertsbrothers’ photostream on flickr is to be believed, although i’m not sure I do. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/collaertsbrothers/)

Henri Matisse - The Snail

 

© Collaertsbrothers on flickr

The aesthetic eye inherent in such behaviour appears a telling evocation of the wider intelligence of animals and their response to and appreciation of the worlds around them.

I love the wholesomeness of such an approach to courting, whereby the Vogelkop distinguishes itself from other Bowerbirds in its search for the remarkable or original. The colours are diverse and plentiful, and the items are eccentric. In the program, one of them even manages to steal a snickers wrapper from the cameraman to add to his bower which appeared strikingly pop cultural, reminiscent of one of Picasso’s early synthetic cubist collages, or the advertising hoardings which constantly seek to sell us love/ beauty/ happiness in the form of products

Pablo Picasso - Still Life with Chair Caning

 

Except here it is not a product being sold, but an idea: an aggrandisement of the curious in life aimed squarely at finding a partner. Unadulterated expression. I thought contentedly of the times my girlfriend has humoured and/or shared my enthusiasms, showing her my collections of postcards, or things found in library books, or old newspapers from important dates, or decrepit used trainers, or my witterings about the oddities I often spend all day amusing myself with.

Finally, I feel the activities of the Vogelkop Bowerbird also warrant a very serious comparison with the work of Tony Cragg, whose collages of the thrown away detritus of our every day appear to not celebrate the inanities and colours of life as at first they might seem to, but rather to expose the un-naturalness of our consumptive habits. The Bowerbird’s elation is our neglect and greed.

Tony Cragg – New stones, Newton’s Tones

I hope that my hoarding and my aesthetic eye for things whether of monetary or aesthetic value remains imbued with an excitement for things plain and simple. Moreover, I hope my excitement for and interest in the inane can manifest itself in something pure, and which I might be able to share with the special someone closest to me even if no-one else.

http://node2.bbcimg.co.uk/iplayer/images/episode/b00js8cz_640_360.jpg

via: sneakerfiles

Know what else I love? I’ll tell you:

Blizzards from Dairy Queen: Specifically, the Snickers one and the Banana Creme Pie one. Oh. My. God. Delicious.

“Cougar Town”: Another crazy funny TV show! I strongly suggest you get caught up on all the previous episodes and then continue watching weekly.

“Entertainment Weekly”: How anybody does without this magazine is beyond me. I love knowing about all things to come in movies, TV, books, and more.

Rolls from Texas Roadhouse: These rolls are a gift from God, I’m sure of it. Even better, is a late-night run to the Roadhouse for a couple dozen rolls – Best midnight snack ever. (Dr. Pepper sold separately, but a must.)

Breakfast in bed: I think this one goes without saying. And yet, here I am, saying it…

Suffice it to say, these things will make your life better. Take my advice. You’ll be glad you did. And as they say at Chik-Fil-A, “My pleasure.”

30 Years + 59 Days

***

A major difference between the Old Twenty and the New Twenty for most people is the amount of enthusiasm for dressing up for Halloween.  Your average 20 year-old loves to scour thrift stores, costume shops, lingerie stores, etc. for the perfect get-up to catch a special someone’s eye.  Your average 30 year-old is probably married with a child or two and is therefore trick-or-treat chaperoning or handing out sugary snacks to the masses of ADHD American children.  Parent costumes optional, but encouraged, because it’s still fun as you’re doing it for the kids.

But people I’m single, lazy, and broke.  These days I’d rather save the $80, rent a few scary movies (or even a rebellious romantic comedy or two), and drink spiced apple cider while downing bite-size Snickers by the dozens.  In my non-Halloween-themed pajamas.  Maybe I’ll wear Halloween socks.  But that’s it.  A perfect, cozy fall evening.

But I live in LA…

…so I’m not allowed to do that.  Why?  Because LA (and NYC, etc.) don’t attract your “average” person.  LA transplants and perhaps most urbanites aren’t on the fast train to adulthood, so most of us New Twenty folk are just as immature and party-ready as we were at age 20 (or at least a fraction thereof).  And we strive for the glamorous life…and fine, Halloween socks and Old Navy boxers are not glam.

So as Halloween came closer and closer my denial of actually having to leave my apartment for the evening became squashed by friend pleas of “Oh, come on, you HAVE TO COME OUT!!!  It’s Halloween!!  It’s like the biggest holiday in LA!  You’ll be so depressed if you stay in!!!”

What does this sound like?  Another not so favorite holiday: NEW YEARS EVE.

Now, I love the idea of New Years.  I’ve even had a few good-ish ones.  But I’ve never had a GREAT one and one New Years in particular was one of the worst days of my adult life.  And the most annoying part about it is all the PRESSURE to have an amazing night.  If you don’t have fab plans, a warm body to kiss at midnight…then New Years just sucks…at least a little…and if you don’t agree you’re just not being honest.  Have you seen the movie 200 Cigarettes?  GREAT MOVIE about New Years.  Love it.

Anyway, I went out for Halloween.  I wore an old dance leotard, cream-colored fishnet stockings from Urban Outfitters I bought years ago, but never wore, and a green tutu.  My friend spun it as a “ballet school drop-out” so I wouldn’t have to walk around in my ballet shoes and could wear my hair down.  Yes, I am Queen Lazy Costume and I’m proud of it.  I even wore my soon-to-be trashed cowboy boots to make myself happy inside.

I did have a good time.  But not an amazing time.  It was great to see LA BFF whom I hadn’t seen in a couple of weeks.  I wanted to avoid the West Hollywood Halloween parade chaos (think hundreds of thousands of costumed people walking Santa Monica Blvd. amidst lots of tourists and cops)…yet we didn’t.  In the end it was all ok.  Plus there is a tiny chance this could be my last Halloween in LA, so perhaps it happened for a reason.  Who knows…

But I do know I think Halloween is the new New Years.

By Denish Ghayal/Creative Director & Strategic Planner

Are you ready to get in shape and lose weight, fast? Do you wish you could burn more calories without spending more time at the gym? If you have heard of aerobic interval training, then you know what I am talking about. This routine can be used not only by the average person, but elite athletes alike.

So what is interval training?  It is simply sporadic bursts of intense activity with intervals.  The great thing about this training is that you can do it under just 20 minutes.  For example, if you like to walk, you can incorporate a little bit of jogging.  If you like to walk at a slower pace, then you can speed walk for your intervals.  That is of course for the more novice trainers.  I am talking about walking and running at your 100% capacity to get the most out of your training.

If you feel like you need some motivation to get you started, consider the following:

• You’ll burn more calories. The more vigorously you exercise, the more calories you’ll burn — even if you increase intensity for just a few minutes at a time.
• You’ll improve your aerobic capacity. As your cardiovascular fitness improves, you’ll be able to exercise longer or with more intensity. Imagine finishing your 60-minute walk in 45 minutes — or the additional calories you’ll burn by keeping up the pace for the full 60 minutes.
• You’ll keep boredom at bay. Turning up your intensity in short intervals can add variety to your exercise routine.
• You don’t need special equipment. You can simply modify your current routine.

As you exercise intensely, you’re muscles will respond in a different manner. During intense exercise, muscles produce waste products that can contribute to muscle soreness. Too many accumulated waste products can make exercise painful and exhausting. But by alternating bursts of intense exercise with easier intervals, you’ll help reduce the buildup of waste products in your muscles. The result is more comfortable exercise.

DISCLAIMER:  CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE TRYING ANY NEW EXERCISE REGIMEN. (Interval training isn’t appropriate for everyone. If you have a chronic health condition or haven’t been exercising regularly, consult your doctor before trying any type of interval training.  I don’t want to get e-mails from you complaining to me that you broke your ankle.)

Here is what I am currently doing for my routine:

1.)    Jog for 5 minutes to warm up.

2.)    Run for 1 minute at your top speed.

3.)    Slow down and walk for 1 minute.

4.)    Continue to alternate between running at your top speed and walking for 6 intervals.

I have been doing this interval training for a while now and the fat just melts right off.  This is a comparatively similar exercise to those who play basketball.  You are always running back and forth down the court and sometimes walking.  For those of you who are trying to get abs, this is a must for cardio exercise.