Dear Dullard,

It was so kind you to remind me of the oncoming onslaught of the Holidays, the time that delineates the real from the disenfranchised. Having spent the entire year trying to convince myself that my existence carries meaning as profound as any man’s, the Holidays impart a sense of humility to me by reminding me of those things which I sometimes manage to forget successfully throughout the rest of the year. Why, without your reminder I might have escaped it unscathed! Couldn’t have that now could we?

Yes, Christmas is upon us yet again. Oh Joy. I am unsure how to proceed with your query concerning my “Scrooge” attitude. One would assume upon review of my situation that it would be abundantly clear. I then have to ask myself if it is worth the trouble or, dare I say, even possible to convey the why or the how of my view.

Exposure to humans at vulnerable times does have a way of recapitulating the yearly method employed by society to draw that invisible line which we are not allowed to cross. At best the Holidays offer an opportunity to spend time with those who “love us,” or should I say, scorn us most. As yet one more humiliation, it is an excellent time of year to show us exactly where we stand as the rest of the world retreats each to their corners with their families and friends. Basically we are left standing there feeling incredibly ridiculous for having thought anybody really gave a damn about those of us, shall we say, so “unconventional.” We get it already! We are a subhuman species! Do you people have Christmas just to remind us of that? Oh what could be more humiliating!

But you don’t know much about that do you? I find it so ridiculously amazing that you would be clueless as to the havoc this whole “happy time of year” does cause. Surely after years of watching us live on the outskirts of society like wailing demons under the cloak of “Christmas Future” you have some idea how depressing life can be. Alas, I was mistaken. Perhaps you consider us slow of wit or completely unaware of just how “different” our lives are.

Can’t you see we are caught in an odd position in our society? We neither play the role of complete societal drain nor enjoy all the benefits of being part of the world. We work twice as hard for half as much. So please spare me the insulting disservice of condescension by offering platitudes that imply otherwise. It’s degrading. It insinuates I am just plain stupid for not knowing the difference when, frankly, it is quite the opposite.

So don’t YOU be such a dullard. Of course we will feel the loss of loved ones who are gone. How insightful! But that is a normal loss and sadness after all. The harder loss, the one your feeble brain just can’t manage to get around, is the loss of a life stolen, the life that should have been, while the rest of the world takes all it can from us and then turns its discerning nose up at us. The Holidays, the time of year the world turns it’s back on us. Oh I do so look forward to it!

JM

Is technology really creating a dramatic shift in the number of people who are relationally and socially isolated?  This study by the Pew Internet seems to suggest otherwise.

รายงานจาก PEW เรื่อง social isolation (การแยกตัวออกจากสังคม) เนื่องจากปัจจัยด้านเทคโนโลยี

Social Isolation and New Technology

ของเดิมมองว่า คนอเมริกัน social isolated

A widely-reported 2006 study argued that since 1985 Americans have become more socially isolated, the size of their discussion networks has declined, and the diversity of those people with whom they discuss important matters has decreased.

ของใหม่ บอกว่าไม่เป็นเยี่ยงนั้น

Pew Internet Personal Networks and Community survey finds that Americans are not as isolated as has been previously reported. People’s use of the mobile phone and the internet is associated with larger and more diverse discussion networks.

We’re all familiar with the stereotype of the tech cave dweller, perusing a list of arcane Linux commands on a lonely Saturday night, no friends in sight. In the age of ubiquitous — and social — technology, though, can we conclude that the Internet, smartphones and new technologies isolate us and encourage cocooning, or the opposite?

The Pew Internet & American Life Project sought answers to such questions through phone interviews with 2,512 adults in the U.S., and there are surprises in the survey results. I  do wonder, though, how the results might skew differently if people under 18 had been included. Here are just some of the findings, with more results below the fold:

“We find that the extent of social isolation has hardly changed since 1985, contrary to concerns that the prevalence of severe isolation has tripled since then,” Pew researchers report. The survey, released yesterday, also found that the overall diversity of the average person’s social network — including close family and friends as well as acquaintances — is greater through usage of social networks such as Facebook: “For instance, frequent Internet users and those who maintain a blog are much more likely to confide in someone who is of another race.”

Internet use does not pull people away from places such as parks, cafes and restaurants, Pew researchers conclude: “Internet access has become a common component of people’s experiences within many public spaces.” Also, in opposition to the conclusion that Internet usage primarily bridges gaps between people who are geographically far from each other, the survey found that there is little difference between local social usage of technology and distant communication. The following graphic based on the survey results shows that people who belong to a neighborhood online forum are much likely than the average person to have diverse interactions with neighbors:

Does mobile phone usage outpace face-to-face contact as a primary way for people to stay in touch with their closest family and friends? No, according to the survey results: “On average in a typical year, people have in-person contact with their core network ties on about 210 days; they have mobile phone contact on 195 days of the year.” The following graphic breaks out days of contact per year via various communication mediums, according to how far away others are:

Younger people are overwhelmingly more likely to belong to social networks than older people are, the Pew survey also finds, and it’s worth noting that all the people surveyed were over 18. Results could be different for teenagers and children. There are many more findings and graphics from the survey, found here.  For the most part, although your smartphone still doesn’t make you the life of the party, the results argue against the long-standing presumption that technology usage is social poison.

Pew study: The Internet is associated with larger, more diverse networks, not with social isolation; http://j.mp/4yzvhz

From the outside, my life would seem very simple. I do not work, there is no place I must be more than a couple times a year, my income is steady, and my needs predictable. Yet in this simplicity there is a large void that comes from not feeling as though I have accomplished much in any given day.

When life itself is a daily accomplishment, there is little satisfaction in it because tomorrow it will be as though today hardly was; in that the exact same things will need doing again. Little carries over because I do not have very much to show for all my spent energy in any given day. It is so frustrating to have such a small amount of energy to give life because I still remember the feeling of having completed something after a hard day’s work.

The simply joy in having worked till I felt as though I was going to drop, then looking around me to see the world was transformed by what I had done. My house would be clean from top to bottom, everything at work fully caught up and running smoothly, or my feet carrying me miles into the backcountry with nothing but a heavy pack on my back and a dog by my side. All of these things I took for granted when I had them, never seeing how precious this sense of having done something ordinary could actually be extraordinary in the size of feat accomplished.

Twenty minutes of cleaning up is now infinitely harder, equal only to the most taxing days before. My great trips to the backcountry are a walk to the end of my driveway and back. I never have the feeling of being caught up in my work or it running smoothly, as I now lack the capacity to do more than those things which are vital or time sensitive. Everything else must wait until they fall into one of those two categories, otherwise I will crash from over exhaustion and be unable to complete even the little I do now.

I really miss that feeling of accomplishment that was so easy to come by when I had more energy. It is very difficult even after these last eight years of CFS to accept that being able to wash one plate is a worthy goal. Paying one bill online actually is a day’s work well done.

Now managing to pace myself, to conserve energy every day so my body has some with which to bring about healing and a means to wellness, is the greatest accomplishment I can do and it involves me doing absolutely nothing.

Whoever originally said “Nothing comes from nothing” obviously never had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Salad Fingers-.David Firth created the 8 Episodes of Salad Fingers among other flash animation works, Salad Fingers touched me though…not in a rusty way. Salad Finger’s speech is cut in a way as though he’s never interacted with other people, but only has an understanding of the english language(as well as French.) He has 3 puppet finger friends, as any outside friends frighten him greatly, or happen to be dead corpses. I believe Salad Fingers only imagines he encounters living beings as a result of having grown lonely and insane. I also believe the dead bodies are real and are the remains of the Great War, being why he is left alone in a desolute land. He finds great pleasure in rusty spoons that gateways to other nasty pleasures of his. When he is pushed to his limit, he can be found delighting in self-injurious acts abating his feelings of isolation. Even so, Salad Fingers stays complimentary, well mannered, and polite to a ‘T.’

This is Salad Fingers done in paint.

Episodes

Spoons-This features his fetish for rusty spoons. He doesn’t have much to go on in the ways to being truely human. He hones in on this odd sexual gratification he feels when stroking rusty metallic objects with his fingers. Salad Fingers is limited to social stimuli and the roughness is a noticably stronger sensation that helps when a person can’t internalize how they feel, similar to the pleasure a cutter may derive from the act of self injury.

Friends-This video shows Salad Fingers give life to 3 puppet fingers. He tastes his puppet fingers describing Marjory as being a great taste, and Hubert as being foul. He didn’t taste Jeremy, but I think he was put off by how awful Hubert was. He calls out for help with a fish too far back in his oven, only to get an urge to prick his finger on a rusty nail on the wall. He gets a rush from the cut, growing paler, he doesn’t know when to stop and wakes up in a pool of his own blood. He is so taken with digging deeper into his finger, he forgets about the kid locked in the oven. I think it’s representing what an addiction can stop you from experiencing, remembering and noticing; something as awful as a child burning to death in an oven.

Nettles-This video is of Salad Fingers blissfully rubbing nettles across his body enjoying the pain in a clearly masturbatoral way. He finds a baby carriage and shows his social ignorance instead calling it a nettle carrier. Salad Fingers is unable to distinguish between a living being or a dead, lifeless corpse. He treats them both with the same amount of hospitality. He decides to make his own sort of social life through delusions.

Cage- He sets off to find France(he can speak French) However he doesn’t like this boy watching him, so he retreats to the safety of his home. It’s later proven by a trap set by the boy, Salad Fingers cautiousness is well placed. The boy wants to marry SF and traps him in a cage. SF says he will go home and the cage is empty and SF is off dreaming of Taps. If you notice he has a peephole on the side of his house showing his curiousity of the outside world, but only letting most of his information come from his own imagination. I think this whole dream was SF’s own mind reaffirming his own fears and reasons for not exploring the world more thoroughly.

Picnic-In SF’s lonliness he has had to conjure up his own world, he gives obscure names to foods he’d like to sample at his picnic,he’s forgetful renaming Hubert Cumberdale As Barbara Logan Price, and he dresses in a wedding gown. He leaves his finger puppet friends behind in hopes this young lady may be a real friend. He is greatly disturbed by her vocalization, something SF is used to doing for all his friends. He is seen back in his house huddled in a corner, making me sure this is another delusion and he never saw a girl, but played this scenerio in his head, and became frightened at the idea of another beings company. Through the window of his house Marjory is seen showing great contempt for Salad Fingers new friend. I view this as Salad finger’s mind working in such a way as to keep himself housebound to not leave his real friends feeling lonesome or jealous.

He says Mary Mandolin in this video, I think it is a slip for Mary Magdelyn, there is absolutely no symbolism I can tell for that, but I thought it was interesting.

Present-This episode is my favourite as its unraveling SF’s mental state. He says he can not understand Jeremy Fisher’s dialect after being in the great war, something SF has not experienced himself and can not put words to, as he gives voice to all his characters. He has an upsetting conversation with a toliet, he feels the toliet is accusing him of unforgivable acts, he says he is not guilty, and flushes the toliet ‘washing bad thoughts away.’ He goes home and accuses Jeremy in the way he’s been accused by the toliet. He says Jeremy wants to deflower SF’s supposed daughter. He is in a sense placing his own guilt onto Jeremy so he doesn’t have to feel the guilt. In an earlier episode he tasted his two other finger puppets to get a feel for their mindset, he tastes Jeremy in this one, only to be seen tasting his own head…as all SF has in this world is himself, and everything he creates in his friends is contained to the lonely thoughts of his mind.

Shore Leave-This episode shows SF with yet another dead corpse, Kenneth. He is returned from the Great War. Showing great hospitality again SF muses with giving him a bath, dressing, and feeding him. He doesn’t understand he’s dead, but has a flashback to talking to a dead tree that has stopped growing. At this point I think it’s clicked that Kenneth is dead. He buries him in the trench he was found in. He says they will meet again by the hand of a creator. Just as you think he’s a little not insane he buries himself in distracting more peaceful(to him) thoughts.

Cupboard-This episode shows SF’s breakdown. His radio, Roger tells him his house is filthy, and he tries to avoid Roger by hiding in a small cupboard, keeping himself company with only his fingers, he starts to cry in defeat, but finds a hair and rubs it against his eye numbing his feelings of being lonely. I think he is realizing this can’t go on, and he can only not go on in this imaginary sense anymore, all he can do is feel sad. He retreats to the cupboard and the series ends with him in tears.

Who of us can say we’ve never felt a bit like Salad Fingers?

I realize that the world is not a perfect place, and I realize that every person has their own quirks, but I wanted to talk about four more types of people who I can’t stand being around. If you remember from my part one blog, I mentioned five characteristics that I can’t stand about people, and they were self centered, easily distracted, nosy, pessimistic and touchy feely. The funny thing is that kids with Asperger’s Syndrome do show all of those characteristics, including the ones I am going to mention on this blog. There are people like this everywhere, and best way to deal with them is to avoid being around them as much as possible. Like I said in my first blog about this, I am not purposely trying to offend you, it’s just that there are people who do this all the time, and many of them don’t even realize that they are doing it, and that they don’t understand that these characteristic are what draw people away from you.

1.) Bossy people:

No matter where you go in the world, there will be people who are (in my opinion) the most difficult to deal with, and they are the bossy ones. No matter what the situation is, they will always try to tell you what to do. They always like to think that they are in control and they run the show. They are most likely the ones that don’t have that many friends because nobody wants to be around them. If you remember from my last blog, I talked about one of the students in my electronics class at Lenape Tech. We were working on the windmill that is going to power the greenhouse for Lenape’s Natural Resources Technology class. The teacher picked a few students and asked them to move some cinder blocks and put them in the large pile that was outside the greenhouse. They already had about five students that were helping, and I didn’t think that they needed anymore. Anyway, the student lashed out at me and said “Derek, get off your ass and help us move these blocks”. I simply refused and told him that he doesn’t have the right to stand there and tell me what to do. The only thing I recommend you do with people like this is to just sit there and ignore them. Being bossed around by people really makes a person’s anxiety level high, and makes their self esteem very low. I will always refuse to work with anyone who stands there and orders me around. I don’t know anybody that enjoys being around those kind of people.

2.) Cockiness:

There are people like this everywhere you go, the overconfident arrogant ones that are not really worth anything. One characteristic that cocky people display is self-centeredness. They are full of themselves and they seem to enjoy bringing another person down to make them feel bad. If you are not like them, they will either ignore you and pretend you don’t exist, or they will find something rude and derogatory to say about you just to make them look cool in-front of the crowd. High school and college are the places where you will experience these kind of people the most, but there are plenty of them out in the real world as well. I have three possible suggestions for dealing with someone like this, and they are all different. If this person is treating other people rudely and not you, I recommend just sitting there and pretending they aren’t there.

I’ve had to listen to these people ever since I started junior high, and when you hear them say such nasty things you just want to punch them in the face, right? Second, if they do say anything to you, I recommend that you either use humor or make a cocky comment back. If you love vocabulary, I recommend that you use big words so that you will confuse them. This very well could make them realize how stupid they are. Using violence will only cause the situation to escalate, and you will be the one that gets in trouble. I’ve made that same mistake. During my sophomore year in high school, I was in Freeport’s TV Production crew. I was working on camera, I accidentally bumped the camera when we were taping the morning announcements for the next day. The director, who was a senior blurted out “Derek, what the fuck is your problem”? I then had it with people talking to me rudely and pushing me around, so I threw the headset I was using on the floor and sat down. Luckily, it didn’t hit the floor hard enough and it didn’t cause any damage to the equipment. I refuse to work with anybody who is going to talk to me that disrespectfully. Anyone who shows disrespect toward me will get disrespected back, it’s as simple as that.

3.) Dishonest people

If you remember my blog titled “Four Important Qualities of  A Best Friend”, I had honesty as one of them. Not telling the truth is a very bad thing to do, and people will most likely find out if you don’t. They might not find out right away, but they will eventually. When I am a truly friends with someone, I tell them like it is. I do that because I want them to listen to me and know that I care about them. A true friend listens to another person’s feelings, and they are honest and tell you the truth when they talk to you. For example, if I had a friend that was going to a party where there were illegal drugs, I would want them to listen to me and I would try to convince them into not going to the party. Teenagers often don’t think before they do something, and sometimes their actions can get them into trouble with the law. I also can’t stand people that lie constantly, and when they know you can tell that they are lying. There are two thing that can make a person think you are lying, they are their tone of voice and their facial expressions. A lot of times when you ask them a question, they will nervously answer and use filler words such as uh, um and like. Their facial expressions will look nervous, and they will try to convince you that they are telling the truth when they really are not. The only piece of advice I can give to you about liars is to never trust them for anything whatsoever.

4.) Judgmental people:

Every single person on this whole planet is different, which is a very good thing. If everybody in the world was the same, Earth would be a pretty boring planet to live on. I want to ask you one question, when you see a person that demonstrates odd behaviors, what are the first things that go through your mind? If you go back to my last blog that talked about how social isolation hurt me when I was in school, I wanted to be alone during recess and lunch. I really hated the fact that people were not like me, and that they always made judgmental comments toward me. People automatically assume that when they see someone who sits alone that they want to be away from people and that they want to stay in their own little world. You never know what is going through that person’s mind when you first see them, maybe they have been mistreated by people and are afraid to open up to them, just like I am. Judgmental people are the ones that want to give every single person a stereotype. It is very rude to judge somebody for their habits, whatever they may be. For example, if I had a friend that was a drug addict or an alcoholic, I would want to try my best to help them with their problem, and to accept them for who they are. Drugs and alcohol are very difficult habits to break, and they can take years before they become clean. I have been around people like that many times, and it makes you feel very sick inside listening to some of the things that people say. High school and college are not the only places where you will find these people, they are just about everywhere you go. Parents need to teach their kids to not be judgmental about people and to respect and accept them for who they are. They need to teach them to help their friends with their habits, whatever they may be.

Before I go, I wanted to say one thing. I am not trying to sound hypocritical in this blog, I have caught myself doing all four of these things. Every single person in the world has done at least one of these things when they are around people, and they are just afraid to be honest and admit it. Think about how these characteristics can cause people to run away from you instead of be around you.

Thank you very much for reading this, and I will be back for another entry next weekend!

Please check out these other blogs:

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-turns-me-off-part-2/

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/social-isolation-hurts/

The high school years are difficult for anybody. Teens face the difficulty of figuring out who they are, and have to deal with the peer pressure coming from dating, sex, alcohol and drugs. Being a student in high school, I have noticed that parents do not teach their kids respect and understanding others as much as they should. I have been a target of bullying and gossip throughout my entire life. Ever since I was in kindergarten, not a day goes by without having to listen to somebody point and laugh at me, or make a rude and judgmental comment about me. Because of this, I don’t really have that many friends in school. Many times, teenagers act like this because they want to look cool around their friends. They think that friends will accept them better when they make another person look bad for no clear apparent reason.

If you remember on my two blogs titled “do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum”, I mentioned my odd, obsessive interests that changed throughout the years. During my preschool and toddler years, I had a huge interest in fans. When my parents would take me out places and I would see a fan, I would perseverate about it. I remember my mother telling me one day that I would always stop and stare at ceiling fans and refrigerator fans. If you recall from the same blog I mentioned earlier, there was one incident where my mother lost track of me when we were shopping at a grocery store. She was shopping in an aisle that was on the other side of the store and tried to ask me a question but I wasn’t there. She then looked around the entire store for me, and then she saw me staring at the fans inside the refrigerator. My mother also said that when she found me, I was staring at the fans for about 30 minutes.

As I got older, my interests in fans faded away. When I was in third grade, I became fixated with fire drills. Our school was completely remodeled, and we got a new fire alarm system. Ever since the first time I heard the alarm, I would constantly talk about it with around the other students. I didn’t even realize that the students have had enough with me talking about them until they finally said “Derek, stop talking about fire drills already”. My limited interests also caused some bullying when I was in elementary school. During recess when most of the students were running around and playing with their friends, I would always walk around the playground alone. I realized that nobody really liked me, and that they wouldn’t be interested in playing with me during recess anyway. My parents talked to the teachers and explained that they wanted me to join in activities with my peers, but I simply didn’t want to because they didn’t like me. If you remember from my blog about understanding others, there was a student at Computing Workshop with a more severe case of Autism than I have, and he also had Down Syndrome. He used a special computer called a dynavox to communicate. He had a set of beads that his mother gave him to play with, and during free time he would always sit in the corner and twirl them around. He was in his own little world when he was sitting and playing with those beads, and this student’s parents would always complain about his teachers taking the beads away from him as a punishment for not paying attention to the teacher. The teacher would not let him play with the beads during free time, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. The staff members at Computing Workshop also seemed to think that this particular student used playing with the beads as a method of dealing with stress, and when an adult that doesn’t understand his diagnosis takes that away from him, he won’t know what to do with himself. That is when he will start being uncooperative and not listen. I can identify with this student when I think about my experiences during elementary school, I was in my own little world when I would walk alone during recess. I didn’t pay attention to anybody, and nobody payed any attention to me. Because my parents wanted me to “play” with my peers during recess, my teachers would try to force me into doing it. There were times when I would try to resist to throwing a football with another student, or playing on a jump rope, but my teachers would grad me by my shoulder and push me into doing it. Back when I was in elementary school, I didn’t really have the coordination to catch footballs or play jump rope.

My coordination with catching a ball and participating in team sports have gotten better over the years. The majority of kids in high school should know that making fun of someone because they aren’t gifted at sports, or for any other reason is not acceptable. You have one of those arrogant jerks in every crowd, and the best thing to do is to ignore them. I still do have coordination issues now, and I have been around people who do not understand my Aspergers and that don’t have the patience to cooperate with me. I had to deal with one of those people recently in my electronics class at Lenape Tech. We were putting together a windmill that is going to power the greenhouse that belongs to Lenape’s Natural Resources shop. I can’t remember exactly what we were doing, but it was one of those activities that required strong hand/eye coordination, which is also required for playing most team sports. I didn’t quite understand what we were doing, and the teacher was not in the classroom at the time. We were working in groups, and a student very inappropriately lashed out and had a fit with me. He said something like “God fucking dammit Derek, I can’t believe you don’t know how to do this. You are so stupid, damn junior”. Yes, I realize this student didn’t understand my lack of coordination, but there was no excuse for him to lash out at me like that. After the whole incident, I walked away and asked if I could work with another student or have the teacher give me an alternate task to complete for the day. I should not have to deal with somebody that is going to treat me so rudely.

Because of all the social isolation I have been through throughout the years, I still have a difficulty trusting people. When I meet a new person, I have the tendency to think that they are going to try to make fun of me. It’s hard for anyone to get out of thinking that, especially for people like me. If you remember me mentioning how Mike, my old therapist would try to shove social skills down my throat. From my perspective, he seemed to think that depression and anxiety are things that you can just “snap out” of right away. When he would push me to the limit by putting me in social situations where I felt very uncomfortable, I would resist to it. I don’t like it when people put me on the spot, especially when it’s in a group of peers that I don’t know very well. It has always been difficult for me to deal with people like Mike who are “in your face” about things. If you are one of those kind of people, I will try my best to avoid being around you. It will take time for me to develop social skills that I am going to need for life, and hopefully they will help me deal with all of the rude people that I will have to be around. Those kind of people are everywhere you look, and you have to try your best to avoid them. If people are not willing to get to know me as a friend, then it is their loss, not mine. I have no need to worry about people that want nothing to do with me, they are the ones with the social skills problems, not me.

I am willing to be friends with any person who will accept me for who I am, and that will not try to change anything about me. I am beginning to have a better understanding of who are my real friends and who are not. If you are trying to trick me into believing that you are trying to be nice to me when you are really not, I will eventually find out. It hurts to be rejected by people, and it also hurts to be “set up” by them. I don’t really care if I don’t have a whole bunch of friend to talk to, one or two is enough. As I have said before, “quality is better than quantity”. If I do ever lose a close friend, than I will move on and try to find someone else to be friends with. It’s not my problem if you want to be friends with me, it’s yours. Forget about all of the people that want nothing to do with me, I’ve got other things to worry about. Graduation is coming up next year, and these people won’t mean a god damn thing to me.

Before I go, this is a message to all teens and young adults. Always remember to stay true to yourself, and don’t ever change. I have had to deal with countless people that have rubbed it into my face that they want me to be like they are, when I don’t want to do that. There will be people in life that act that way, and the only thing you should do is to just sit there and ignore them. My “social status” with my peers in high school doesn’t mean anything to me. I hope you enjoyed this, and that you will take all of this advice, and share it with anyone who may need it in the future.

A star is born in the depths of space from nothing more than clouds of gas and dust drawn together by once inexplicable forces. From such humble beginnings did our own star form billions of years ago. The same star that provides warmth on a cold day, life to everything and everyone, once began as no more than dust floating in the vastness of the cosmos.

It is my belief that truly spectacular friendships are born the same way. From the dust that my life has become, a star now burns where once there was only darkness and shadows. Just as unexplainable as star formation once was, so too are the events that have led to this friendship. I can only shake my head with amusement and awe anytime I find myself musing on the events that led me to this friend.

Both the CFS and MCS have brought about severe social isolation. Very few people knew of my existence and even fewer people cared. I had known of a desperate longing for someone who would be able to understand my crazy world, or at least understood enough and wanted to know more, but I had long since given up almost all hope of finding such a person. Jeremy is extremely caring and companionable, yet I needed someone outside this tent who would hear me when I spoke of everything in life, not only the things that have some normality to them.

Over time, all but one of my friends I had managed to retain or slowly make over the last few years began to drift away one by one. Our worlds are too different most times. They have to navigate work and the normalcy of life, while I live in a tent and struggle with the rigors of being chronically ill. I do not blame them, even I am wholly confused by my life sometimes and find it almost impossible to believe, let alone understand it.

Just as my oldest friend was quietly departing without a word of goodbye, my newest friend was practically throwing me a welcoming party though we had only just met.

Now I sit here after an amazing day filled with laughter such as I have not seen in years and tears that have needed just the right person to shed them at last. And still I shake my head in amazement at the twists of fate life can hold, while also hardly daring to believe this is real.

When you are in high school, labels and gossip are one of the things that you will deal with quite a bit. It really hurts when somebody talks about you behind your back, I have been through this many times myself. People spread rumors just because they want to look better than everybody else and that they want to make another person look bad around their friends or family. It’s mainly girls that gossip, but there are boys that do it also. Anytime you say something that may or may not be true about someone, or that is not any of your business, it is considered gossip. My mother is really into quilting and arts and crafts, and she has tons of friends that love to gossip about other people.

Middle school and high school aren’t the only places where labeling and gossip happen, it happens just about everywhere you go. If you are someone with a diagnosis like Aspergers Syndrome or High Functioning Autism, you especially need to learn how to deal with this. Not dealing with it in an age appropriate manner can cause you to be labeled, bullied and gossiped about even more, or even get you into trouble in the future. Dealing with gossip in an age appropriate manner will make you feel better about yourself, and it will be easier for you to make friends and to be accepted in society. I wanted to give you four simple steps that will help you deal with the ignorant gossip that you will most likely experience sometime in your life.

1.) Ignore it:

If you only hear a person gossip about you once or twice, this is really the first step you should take. At this point, telling the person that the gossip bothers you will only make them do it even more. Even looking at the person and telling them that it bothers you really won’t improve the situation. I have found this out the hard way, if you recall Eric from a few of my other blogs. There were times when he would gossip about me, and I would turn and look like I was upset with him about it. Immediately after I did that, he started laughing at me and gossiping about me even more. It was obvious that he was trying to make me feel bad by doing this, I showed him that it upset me and it mad the situation whole situation even worse.

2.) Tell them to stop:

This is especially nerve racking for someone with Aspergers Syndrome, like me. I have been through situations like this myself, which is the whole reason why I am writing about it. Sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone to be accepted in society and to stand up for people that who may try to bring you down for whatever reason. Try to look as confident as you can when you talk to the person, but also be polite. Talking to them in a rude tone of voice may cause them to act violently toward you, or they could make fun of you behind your back even more. Try to avoid using any swear words, because using them could get you into trouble, especially if a school teacher sees you. I also strongly recommend talking to them in person instead of online or through text messaging. In your facial expressions, the person can’t really see that what they are doing is bothering you. NEVER THREATEN THEM IN ANY WAY, IT COULD GET YOU INTO SEVERE TROUBLE IN THE FUTURE. VIOLENCE ONLY MAKES THE SITUATION WORSE.

3.) Talk to someone you trust:

If you tried ignoring the person who is gossiping about you and talking to them about it, I strongly recommend that you talk to a parent/guardian,  friend or family member that you trust. The situation with Eric went on for a long time, and I finally had enough with it. When you talk to the person you trust, make sure you give them as much detail about the situation as possible. I recommend giving them information using the “wh” words. Who is gossiping about you? What are they saying? Where were you when it was happening? When did it happen? Why might they be doing it? They won’t be able to help you unless you give them as much detail about the situation as possible.

4.) Talk to an authority figure:

This is the final step you should take, you tried ignoring them, you tried talking to them, and you tried talking to a person that you trust. If at all possible, try to have the person you trust talk to the authority figure with you. Having another person help you can solve the situation quicker and without anymore problems. Remember the “wh” words I gave in the last step, and tell authority figure as much information as you gave your trusted parents/guardian, friend, or family member. Also, make sure this authority figure is someone that other people trust. There have been some bad authority figures out there, you should know who many of them were. Bad authority figures could potentially try to make the situation worse. I have also been through that, and I don’t really want to talk about it on my blogs.

My final thought about gossiping and labeling is that people who gossip, label, and tell me that I have means that they are the ones with the problems, not me. Talking about somebody behind their back shows somebody that you lack social skills and that you are immature and need to get a life. One sad things about that fact is that people that do things like this are the ones who have high authority over people. That is the sad and pathetic truth. If I was in charge of these people, I would try my best to convince them into quitting, or just fire them right off the bat. That is all I have to say, I hope you enjoyed this and I will be back later.

The teenage years are supposed to be the “best years of your life”, right? If you recall from my first entry about my experiences in high school, the high school years have been the most miserable time for me. I spent most of my junior high and high school years being ignored, teased and labeled. People really don’t understand how it feels to be ignored and labeled so much. Because of all the labeling and teasing people have given me throughout the years, it has made it very difficult to find that one true friend that wouldn’t ever bring me down and accept me for the kind of person that I am. In elementary school, people really didn’t seem to notice that I was “different” than everybody else. My parents would make arrangements with my friends parents to get together. When the middle school years came along, people started to avoid me and notice that I was different than everybody else. All of the people that I was friends with in elementary school seemed to “forget” about me. Social cliques started to develop, and I was the person that didn’t really fit in with anybody.

If you remember from my blog about ending friendships, I was friends with a kid named Jason in elementary school. During the weekends, we would always go to each others houses, sit and talk to each other during recess and lunchtime and talk on the phone when we had nothing else to do. Junior high then came along, and the social cliques started to develop. The students seemed to start noticing that I was different than everybody else was, which contributed to why they started talking to me rudely and making fun of me behind my back. The first thing I noticed right off the bat when I would talk to him was that he started hanging out with the people that would always label me and spread rumors about me. There were times that I notice when his new friends were around me, they would start making fun of me and spreading rumors about me when I was in the same room as he was. He never really stood up for me when they did it either, he just sat there and ignored the whole thing. The second thing that I noticed happening was when I would try to have a converstaion with him, he would try to keep it as short as he possibly could. When I would ask him questions, he would answer me with only one or two word responses. At first I thought that maybe he was just in a bad mood and didn’t really feel like talking to me, then I started to realize that maybe he wasn’t that interested in being friends with me. I spent the rest of my junior high school years asking the same question “Why would he ignore me and hang out with the students that made fun of me and labeled me?”

As I have mentioned before, people sometimes just don’t show that interest in being friends with you anymore, even when you have been friends with them for a long time. People change, and sometimes it’s for the worse. Since I am no longer at Freeport, I don’t see this person as often as I used to. When I do see this person, I think about how we used to be friends in elementary school and how we would always talk on the phone when we had nothing better to do. I’m glad I don’t have to see this person anymore, because anytime I do the memories of how he dumped me come back and haunt me.

Because of I’ve been set up by friends in the past, I find it very difficult to trust people. When I meet a new person, I tend to worry and think that they might have something against me and try to avoid me, or they might try to make fun of me and make me feel bad about myself. I am happy that I have friends like Aaron from my Computing Workshop summer camp, but I do wish that we had more time to spend with each other. Because of the labeling, teasing and loneliness that I have experienced in high school, I am very exited about graduating. On my I Google page, I have a countdown until the possible date for my high school graduation in 2011. One thing that I have learned from past friendships is that if they don’t want to be my friend, that it is their problem, not mine. That’s the attitude that I will always have with someone that wants nothing to do with me.It may take time to get over a lost friendship, but I will get over it eventually. I wish that people would have that same attitude as me, because it makes no sense to mope about a friendship that ended a long time ago. I will most likely never see these people again after I graduate from high school, so why the hell should I even bother worrying about them? Even though Aaron is busy, I am certain that he is still my good friend. One or two close friends is all I really need, someone left a comment on one of my other blogs that stated “quality is better than quantity”.

I really can’t come up with anything else to say about this, I hope you liked it and I should be back to write again next week!

Greetings,

The media is helping impact and empower people with knowledge about  Autism Spectrum as well as Asperger’s Disorder.   I consider this film below a great educational tool.   This powerful, fun and lovable film,  is a love story about a young man’s journey with Asperger’s Disorder.   Watch the film trailer Below.

Saara Ullery made me aware of an award-winning film.  Saara is not only my friend she is a  business liason and Co-Founder of Autistic TV.    http://www.autistic.tv .   You are invited to communicate with Saara on Face Book (Saara Ullery) and/or her website.   The website is informative, has great games for Autistic kids and I highly recommend the newsletter.    For more information on Autism and what you can do to help with this global epidemic see Saara’s  website.

Asperger’s Disorder is a milder variant of Autistic Disorder. Both
Asperger’s Disorder and Autistic Disorder are in fact subgroups of a larger diagnostic category. This larger category is called either Autistic Spectrum Disorders or Pervasive Developmental Disorders.

In Asperger’s Disorder, affected individuals are characterized by
social isolation and eccentric behavior in childhood. There are impairments in two-sided social interaction and non-verbal
communication.

Though grammatical, their speech is peculiar due to abnormalities of inflection and a repetitive pattern. Clumsiness is prominent both in their articulation and gross motor behavior. They usually have a circumscribed area of interest which usually leaves no space for more age appropriate, common interests. Some examples are cars, trains, French Literature, door knobs, hinges, cappuccino, meteorology, astronomy or history.
What are the differences between Asperger’s Disorder and ‘High
Functioning’ (i.e. IQ > In some cases. Each person is an indiviual and that fact we need never over look.

If you would take a moment to add your feed back and comments on the blog using the comment box below. I would love to hear your feedback! Enjoy the movie,

Cam Williams

http://www.autismconnection.wordpress.com

My co-worker Yuri wrote a great post yesterday about the Community Resource Exchange. I liked it so much, I want to refer to it again. Not only does this event offer people currently dealing with homelessness an opportunity to connect with a variety of different resources in one place on a single day, but it also offers something unique to those of us lucky enough to volunteer.

We get to talk with people attending the event. We get to walk with them, side-by-side, from service provider to service provider. We get to sit down and eat with them. We share stories about our lives (‘How’d you end up in Seattle?’, ‘Where’d you go to college?’, ‘I dated a guy named Patrick back in high school’, etc). We have a chance to remind ourselves just how alike we really are; how simple acts like listening to someone or sharing a meal really can have a significant impact on someone’s life.

And I’m not actually talking about the homeless person here. Although I like to think I’ve affected them positively, as well.

So what can you do? Well, we have the volunteers, and just about all of the logistics are set.

But, here’s something: you know that backpack or duffel bag sitting in the garage, attic, or trunk of your car? The one that is in fairly decent shape (not ripped apart at the seams), but you never use it anymore? Or maybe you just bought a new one for your kid as he or she gets ready to head back to school, and you figured you would just toss the old one?

Don’t. Instead, drop it off at United Way of King County, 720 2nd Avenue in downtown Seattle (corner of 2nd & Columbia). Or you can email me at pkelley@uwkc.org, and we can figure something out.

So I’m hanging out at work with the usual suspects, and we get into this conversation about the effects of social networks on individuals in different societies. Primarily, one of us was trying to present evidence that having a strong social network is a buffer to suicide. We all agreed that it certainly appeared that way. It seems obvious that people who have families are less likely to be suicidal than those who don’t have families (if you just look at the extremes). And, in particular, those who have families and are removed from them for an extended period, have a much higher rate of suicide and depression.

This made me think about the fact that families and family members in particular, are often the primary sources of social approval. When there isn’t anyone else to tell us we’ve done a good job, or someone else to tell us they care about us, we can always still rely on family (for the most part). They serve as a safety net.

I then took the topic off track by pointing out that we typically gain social satisfaction from other people in the form of approval, and that this generates a release of neurotransmitters (dopamine and serotonin if I remember correctly). This release – the approval release – is similar in appearance (albeit much reduced) to the pleasure received by someone on heroin. Since isolation limits the approval release, because there’s no incoming approval, I couldn’t help but wonder if drugs could be used to replace the approval requirement. Why? Because after an extended period of time without approval, the risk of depression becomes much higher due to lack of this chemical release. If you could manually control that release, then you could operate in isolation much more effectively. Note that I am NOT promoting the use of heroin here.

Verbally pondering this to the others prompted someone else to mention a drug called DMT (dimethyltryptamine) which was one I hadn’t heard of. Apparently it’s been said to generate “faith” in people. It’s known as the “Spirit Drug” or the “God Drug.” Naturally we all wanted to know what effect this would have on an atheist – after all, that would be the litmus test wouldn’t it? I mean, there are a lot of things you could have “faith” in, and faith is just defined as the belief in something for which you have no evidence (empirical or otherwise). This appeared to be a semantic issue to me, a disagreement in the definition of a term. But, it is said, those atheists who take DMT still experience some kind of perception of a higher state or existence, even though they have nothing to associate it with.

Some research into DMT revealed some VERY strange websites. Here are a few:

• Finding God
• DMT the Spirit Molecule
• Dimethyltryptamine (Wikipedia)
• Machine Elf (Wikipedia)
• Terence McKenna (Wikipedia)
• What is DMT?
• Six Accounts of DMT

There are a lot more, of course. You can spend all day on the web reading about the various spiritual experiences people have had using one drug or another. So, why am I posting this? Because it’s interesting to me. When you don’t understand how something works, sometimes you poke it with a stick and see what it does. That’s how the brain is right now. We can’t trace the flow of information across individual neurons, but drugs give you a glimpse at internal operations. User feedback, that’s the key. What these people perceive and why is important. What they understand as being spiritual may, in fact, by a clue as to how information is being processed.

Anyway, I thought it was fun. Not that I’m going out and looking for some DMT to take. Frankly, I don’t have time for an extended high, or a change of personality. Not while I’ve got a job to do and a family to take care of. Hey, if anyone out there’s ever taken this shit, please leave a reply here and let us know what you experienced. (Yes, you can be anonymous).

“More and more, we’re hearing about homeless people being attacked for no other reason than that they’re homeless, and we’ve got to do something about it.”

That’s a quote from a recent article in the New York Times, addressing again the push to protect homeless people in our country by passing hate crime legislation (I talked about this a while back). The quote is from a Democratic Representative from the great state of Texas, Eddie Bernice Johnson. Rep. Johnson introduced a bill last week in the House seeking to label attacks on homeless people as a federal hate crime, which would mean increased penalties for anyone convicted of such crimes. As I read the Times article, I was struck by this statistic: 58% of assailants implicated in attacks on homeless people in the last decade were teenagers. Primarily, we’re talking about teenage boys out for a “thrill”.

So, the problem, as I read it, is that an already-stigmatized (poor, unemployed, mentally ill, probably minority, etc, and all or any of the above) segment of the American population is being targeted based solely on their housing status by a smaller but much more violent segment primarily made up of teenage boys who no longer find video games or Miley Cyrus posters to be stimulating enough anymore.

Our leaders’ solution, the “something” that ‘needs to be done’? “Protect” the stigmatized segment of our society by imprisoning these young psychos for longer periods of time, after they’ve already proceeded down the yellow brick road of sociopathology, and severely injured if not killed at least one other person. Where they’ll get fed, clothed, and housed every day until they get out. (Yeah, I know, it’s not the Hilton. But you’d be surprised).

In other words, we could potentially end up housing the offender(s) for a very long time at taxpayer expense…for committing a hate crime against a homeless person.

Sigh.

If we actually housed the homeless, got them off the streets, instead of ‘protecting’ them with after-the-fact legislative maneuvers like this, would that actually solve something in this equation? Or would that bored band of teenagers lurking on the corner at night just look for something else to destroy?

Honestly, as I sat here and wrote this, I don’t know which group I have greater empathy for–the people on the streets who live with this kind of fear every night, or the people who somehow come to the conclusion in their minds that such incomprehensible acts as this one could be “fun”.

You probably have learned from experiences in my other blogs that my high school years have been a nightmare for me. I was isolated ever since I was in the junior high, I was teased verbally, but I was never physically bullied by anyone. I’m guessing that was because I was taller then everybody else in school, and they thought that I would try to do something to get revenge back at them. During my years at Freeport High School, I was verbally harassed and isolated so much that I didn’t really have that many friends in school. I didn’t really have the skills of making and keeping friends, and because I was bullied so much, I didn’t really have the confidence to reach out to people. When someone would say something to me in the hallway, regardless of whether they were being friendly or mean, I would just walk by and ignore them. I tended to generalize about people, and think that all of them were going to try to do something that would embarrass me, or cause me to be verbally harassed even more. That contributed to my depression and social anxiety quite a bit. I also had trouble understanding who my real friends were, and who my real friends weren’t. In the second paragraph, I will mention a guy named Eric, who I thought was my friend, but turned out not to be.   In the third paragraph, I am going to mention Aaron, who I talked about in my last blog entry.

Eric and I were in the same homeroom together ever since we started junior high. He was in my homeroom since we were in the junior high, and we also went to the same gym together. In eighth grade, he would repeatedly talk about me in front of his friends, he would call me names like f***in retard, and just say tons of other horrible things about me. During freshman year, I had a my space account and he added me as a friend, I accepted, because at the time I assumed that he matured some and grew out of the whole gossip thing. I would chat with him on aim, and he seemed like he was being friendly to me, and not making fun of me. A few months passed by, and I sent him a message asking if he wanted to hang out that weekend. He replied saying something like “I’ll see, maybe.” I sent him a message a few days reminding him about it, and he said “No I can’t, I’m too busy.” A few weeks passed, then I asked him if he wanted to hang out again, then he answered with a flat “no.” After that, I would try to instant message him, and he would either ignore me, or tell me he didn’t want to talk. A month passed, and it was the start of summer going into my sophomore year in high school. I sent him a text message the next morning asking him how we was doing, then he snapped at me and said “you woke me up at twelve forty five last night”. I asked him what he was talking about, then he said that I text messaged him in the middle of the night and it woke him up. I looked in my sent messages, and it said that it was to him. I realized that I meant to send it to somebody else, but I accidentally sent it to him. I told him that I sent it to the wrong contact, and he just said “whatever”, then ignored me. I got angry about it, and started sending nasty messages to him. That obviously wouldn’t make him interested in being my friend, which he wasn’t interested in it when I first started talking to him. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be my friend in the first place, and I shouldn’t have escalated the situation by sending rude comments to him on his phone and his Myspace.

Aaron and I, however went to my summer computer camp program, Computing Workshop. As I mentioned in my last blog, he was a real laid back, and shy type of a guy. I worked with him periodically during the first two summers I was in the workshop, but I never really got to know him. During our summer 2008 program, I got to hang out with him and have some social time with him during the camp. I sat next to him on the couch, and I noticed him pull out his phone. He showed some of the pictures and the ringtones he had on it, then I asked him if I could have his number. He gave it to me, then I gave him my number. I remember after he gave me his cell phone number, he very nicely said “you can call me anytime you want to talk to me.” Going back to Eric, I asked him if I could have his cell phone number, and he made an excuse that said something like “I can’t give you my phone number because I get prank called a lot.” I thought he was joking around at the time, than I later realized that he was trying to avoid me. When I asked him if he wanted to hang out, he would give me answers like “too busy, sorry” or even just a flat “no”. Aaron, on the other hand promised me that we would be able to hang out, and he would explain to me why he didn’t have time to do it. He would not give me general answers like Eric did. This past summer, we did get a chance to hang out. We would go out and buy ice cream, and he also invited me to his house. That was something that nobody has done in a long time, and I am very happy for that.

I have a better understanding now of who is my friend and who is not my friend.  I am better off without people like Eric anyway, so why should I even worry about him? Since I’m not going to Freeport this year, I won’t have to see him in the first place. Like I have said in almost all of my other blogs, I won’t let mean people get to me and bring me down. I won’t let them interfere with what I go to the Lenape VO Tech school for, which is getting training for a job I will enjoy in the future. Also, Eric wasn’t interested in being my friend, so he obviously didn’t appreciate me for the person I really am. What kind of a friend wouldn’t appreciate you for who you are? A quote from Arnold H. Glasgow states that “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” A true friend goes out of their way to help you, and does not use other commitments as an excuse to not help you. Aaron is not able to spend time with me all three hundred sixty five days of the year, because he lives about thirty minutes from me. When he tells me that he’s not able to spend time with me, he does a good job explaining why he is busy. After that, I would suggest that you ask them what other day they are going to be available. But remember, if you are in dire need of help with something, be sure to explain that to them. Also, if they say something like “too busy, sorry”, they are obviously not a true friend. A true friend never makes excuses like that.

One more tip to remember, everybody is different. Not every person in the world is going to be your true friend. You might show interests in being their friend, but they won’t show it back to you. If they don’t show interest in being your friend, don’t take it personally, it’s their loss. Best friends are rare, you will only find them once or twice in life. And again, make sure that this person accepts you for who you are. I hope you find this blog informative, and I hope that you will show it to someone who may have trouble making friends in the future.