Before I was led to the Episcopal Church, I knew nothing about St Julian of Norwich. But throughout this part of my Christian journey, I am learning to appreciate her simple words, words that are faith-full.

My research tells me that little is known about the life of this particular saint.  But it has been  said that her spirituality is one tha is filled with HOPE

Julian is quoted as saying:

“All will be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well”

I wish I had proof of this, St Julian. :O(

Although I truly want  with every fibre of my being to belive that all will be well, frankly I can’t & don’t  believe it. And the skeptic in me won’t believe  that anything will be ok until I have proof from at least two of my five senses.

At this time in my life I am really trying hard to  remember that” all will be well” But there is so much anxiety in my heart & I just want some sort of tangible assurance that the future won’t be terrible. Most of the time I am pretty good with handling living in tension, but uncertainty scares the * crap* out of me.

I trust God, but it is with most people where I lack the quiet, trusting confidence that  Dame Julian  writes about in her writings. I wonder, if Julian had lived in 21st-century America would she have written these words about quiet confidence in God? How would she react to the fact-paced, war-torn,  consumerism-worshipping society in which most of us live? How would she deal with injustices such as  hate crimes, genocides &  gender inequality?  How would she put her faith into action? And what would  she say about  her sisters & brothers in Christ fighting to the point of schism over matters which have nothing to do with being faithful Christ-followers?

How can all be well when the world is such a mess?

That is where faith comes in.

Traditional images of God see the Creator as Father, but I tend to see God, if not genderless, as more of a Mother & apparently so does St. Julian of Norwich. Fathers in traditional, healthy families provide for their  families’  physical needs but it is Mothers who nurture their offspring.

The holiday season is generally thought of as a time of joy and love, but for many people, it’s a time of loneliness. Some people live far from family and miss seeing their loved ones this time of year; others dread going to holiday parties and New Year’s Eve celebrations without a partner and end up staying home; it’s also common for people to feel emotional distance from the people they’re with, thus feeling lonely even if they’re in a room full of people.

For those who feel lonely during the holidays, this time of year can be a time of added stress. If you’re experiencing loneliness that causes you stress during the holiday season, the following suggestions can help:

Be Good to Yourself
Understand that You’re Not Alone
Get Connected
Give to Others
Examine Your Feelings
Rethink Your Expectations

Happy holiday,
Michelle

I am absolutely disgusted with the health care bill that is being pushed through the House and Senate.

This bill is going to bankrupt America and increase the taxes that we as individuals pay along with raising the taxes that small businesses pay.

Privatized medicine is more effective and sane than the government attempting to run every aspect of our personal lives.

From the Associated Press – WASHINGTON – Senate Democrats passed a landmark health care bill in a climactic Christmas Eve vote that could define President Barack Obama’s legacy and usher in near-universal medical coverage for the first time in the country’s history.

“We are now finally poised to deliver on the promise of real, meaningful health insurance reform that will bring additional security and stability to the American people,” Obama said shortly after the Senate acted.

Obama’s statement is a joke.  This bill will bring NO additional security OR stability to the American people; only higher taxation and more government control for inferior and rationed health care services.

Call your senators and tell them to vote NO on this bill.  Fire the ones who vote yes.

           Yesterday night, I was on facebook opening many farmville presents- I’m glad I have open many stuffs that some stuff I have to purchase like lambs, Baby Turkey,Black & Golden Chicken, Santas Workshop which may require FarmCash to purchase most likely through Credit Card, Thank Goodness, it’s free           Actually the holiday tree on my farmville only can accept up to 100 presents, yup I have remaining about 23 presents in my gifts, I managed to clear all of them and keep on accepting all of them send by my farmville friends    

              Up to now, I’m still accepting every single of them       

         This morning, I was a bit surprised, Oh I see it’s my buddy zidane, Thanks buddy for sending me your wishes through sms, Merry Christmas to U too      

              7 More days to Happy New year, everyone is like going to countdown to 2010, of course there will be someone who don’t hope a brand new year to come, as it’s like per normal, nothing difference, Sometimes we wish that our school don’t open on Monday should delay about a week, how nice, Dream On,haha   

  Recently, a priest in the UK told his congretation to shoplift for food or other necessities if they couldn’t buy it.  His reasoning was there are violent acts taking place such as robberies in the effort of obtain goods, at least shoplifting is non-violent.  He also said to rob the big stores and not the mom and pop places.  He mentioned how the Lord would understand that you were stealing to feed yourself and your family and not to just commit a crime.

  What he didn’t mention was how his church was helping the poor.  They very well may be, I do not know.  My purpose is not to bash them or question their hearts in regards to giving.  But, when you say something as out there as this you open yourself up for questions like:  Why are you suggesting this and not suggesting they come to your church for a meal if they are hungry?  Instead of stealing to feed themselves, why not suggest members of your church bring in can goods to give away to those in need?  Perhaps you are doing this but surely you could mention it at the same time you are advocating committing a crime.

  Now, I understand there are those who are slipping through the cracks and are hurting.  This is precisely why we need churches and charities to step up and offer some assistance.  Our local churches do something called Room in the Inn.  In the colder months each church takes turns housing the homeless in the area.  Every night they are given a bed, a meal, and a warm place to rest.  In the other months there are constant food drives, clothes drives, and various other activities.  We are not perfect and do not do enough to meet the needs of others.  But, this is what we are called to do if we really believe what Jesus says. 

  Since this is Christmas, it is the perfect time to reflect on all of these things.  When people fall through the cracks, and they will because we are an imperfect society, who is there to pick them up?  Do we wait on others or do we step up to help?  It could be us in that same boat someday.  We need to serve our fellow man in any way we can.  Not because the government tells us to or implements some program.  We need to because it is the right thing to do.  Period.

I was shocked to see Pravesh Rana, former Mr India, one of the finalists in Bigg Boss, throwing food articles in the swimming pool. He repeatedly said that his act was to teach the two inmates a lesson and show what a ‘common man’ can do. Though I didn’t realise why he was doing so, I had to ask my friends and go through the previous episodes, which I had missed, to know reason. But whatever be the reason, he losing his temper seemed to me like he’s trying to follow Rahul Mahajan who came out of the game just before the grand finale of the show.

What is actually happening inside? I think he’s feeling insecure from Vindu Dara Singh’s relaxed attitude in the house. Moreover, I feel he’s a shrewd player and knows very well that he doesn’t have a chance of winning against Poonam Dhillon and Vindu Dara Singh, and so started playing emotional card of being a ‘common man’. And may be that’s the reason why he’s pleading with the audience that every common man should vote him, as he was one of them. I think he’s worried that Vindu and Poonam’s celebrity status may cut down his votes. He is projecting himself as a ‘common man’, who is fighting against the celebrities.

I wonder how and when did he become a common man? He’s a celebrity after winning becoming Mr India in 2008. ANd when the game is near to end, he’s ‘realising’ and wants to imitate the virtues of a common man!

When Poonam tried to explain him, he still said that there were other things more important than “his throwing the food in the pool”.

I wanted to see what would be the reaction of Pravesh about his behaviour. I wondered if at all he would regret his action.

Poonam Dhillon advised him to not take things to heart. She told him that he is on the sunshine of his career and a loving, cordial behaviour will take him places.

Vindu Dara Singh also told him later that before throwing food, he should have thought about what his friends and family would think about the incident and of course, about him!

Not surprisingly, Pravesh said he was sorry to hurt Poonam and Vindu, from the angle of respect towards their age, but never seemed to be apologetic about his action!

He openly told Poonam that he had decided to make the Bigg Boss house a living hell for its inmates by throwing all the food provision in the pool.

Keeping aside all this, let me think this way. Does a common man not have respect for food? Our parents and teachers taught us to respect food and to never waste it. How far is it right to waste food just to capture attention? Do these people really know how several people struggle for one square meal?

We see many children going hungry. Which common will dump food like him? He made sure to cut tomatoes and throw, so that they cannot be used again! I never expected a celebrity, oh sorry, a ‘common man’ to be so mean!

You'd be surprised at how inexpensive health insurance is for many Americans.

By Gregory Moore

I wanted to share a personal story about why healthcare is affordable now even though some may look at it as a sacrifice.

Insurance in general is about securing and protecting your future.

Everyone in this country who is able bodied should have life insurance to protect their loved ones from the high costs of a burial service yet each and every day I have seen families be financially inept at paying for such services because they didn’t believe in having an adequate life insurance policy.

Everyone who owns and operates a motorized vehicle should have appropriate insurance and yet we all know that in this country there are individuals who do not have such coverage and it is a state law in all 50 states to have it. Rarely is anyone held accountable because it’s a state law/mandate and not a federal one; something that really should be a federal law because it protects the citizens.

Health insurance is in the same harbor as well and the reason why most people who don’t have it blame their finances, or lack there of, as to why they don’t have it. They are expecting their employers to foot the bill; not them.

So when the Senate passed their version of the healthcare reform bill earlier this Christmas Eve, I thought about sharing my story with the world because it is that important and it was time that real people showed others who had doubts as to why the passage is important in the future but that right now they could have their own healthcare coverage before the new year gets here.

So I wanted to share a piece of my life with you on the matter and try to help you see why it is affordable; even with some issues you may be facing.

As of this writing, I have health insurance that I personally pay for out of my paycheck.

My premium is $142 a month and will be going up to $162 a month in February of next year.

Am I worried?

No.

My coverage is a Blue Cross/Blue Shield coverage called the Select Saver 75/60 plan and it covers a great deal for me including vision and dental services along with the usual medical procedures.

My deductible, should I need to have a major type of medical procedure is $1,500 within the network; $3,000 outside.

Now you may say, ‘Greg, that’s an awfully high deductible. Can you afford it?”

The question is how could I not afford it.

Even at 43 years of age, I was able to find myself a plan that I could afford.

$162 a month breaks down to $37.41 a week or basically $5.35 a day.

Do you know what you do with $5.35 a day?

Gas? Ice cream? Pack of smokes?

Yes that’s how affordable it could be for some people if they really wanted health insurance.

For about $40 a week you could be covered and putting another $40 a week away for the deductible but so many individuals do NOT want to take the initiative and get coverage for themselves or their families; especially during this time of the year.

Let’s be honest about our expenditures for a moment.

Christmas is a day a way and how much have you spent on gifts?

For some families we are talking about a grand or more easy.

We all want the new electronic toys, cell phones, and cars but have we even thought about how much money is being wasted on some frivolities that none of us really need?

Probably not.

Yet how many think forcing you to have health care coverage is wrong and that government shouldn’t be in the enforcement business?

Now are you raising your hand in front of a brand new computer that you just bought because you had to have it and there was nothing wrong with your old computer that you bought just twelve months ago?

I am going to go out on a limb and say that there are some things that the government should be enforcing and one of those items is everyone should have insurances of various kinds; at least in the auto realm.

Health and life insurance may not need to be heavily enforced but a mandate needs to be in place because what we are talking about is the protection and security of not just yourself but those around you.

Ask yourself the following questions and see if you couldn’t afford your own health care coverage either six months ago or in the near future.

Do you spend more than $40 bucks a week on what is considered a want in your daily existence?

Are you spending at least $200 a month on ‘entertainment’ for yourself?

If the answer is yes to either one or both of the questions, maybe you should be prioritizing how spending habits and look into protecting yourself and/or your family.

The reason why we are at this stage where the federal government is about to impose something on us is because we do a piss poor job at taking care of our necessities.

I’ll be the first to admit that it takes a major sacrifice of some sort to afford health care insurance and I realize that not everyone can do what I do, just take it right out of expendable income. And maybe that is why we need the government to pass that legislative piece; to help those who need that extra help.

But the rest of us who spend money like its water, who love going on gambling junkets, smoke fine cigars, drink great whiskey, etc., we don’t have an excuse.

We can afford coverage.

We don’t have any excuse.

So this year, do something about it.

Give a gift that will be more precious to your loved ones than the new fangled toy; the gift of knowing that their medical emergencies will not be a financial strain if something should happen.

You’d be surprised at how ‘inexpensive’ the coverage is over the long run.

2009 has been a year of much drama and debate for the Indian judiciary. One can easily say that this critical pillar of democracy is approaching a kind of crossroad in its journey towards delivering justice. By saying this it is not intended to overlook the happenings which shook the executive, legislative and media. But above all the unprecedented public attention and participation in the debates related to the judicial offices is the distinction which makes me firmly believe that it was a year of intense judicial debates.

PF scam:
The ghost of the Ghaziabad PF scam in which several judges of the Allahabad High Court were allegedly involved continued to haunt the judiciary. It was one hard blow on the face of the judges’ credibility (and thereby that of judiciary) and gave strength to the increasing demand for reforms and accountability.

Assets declaration:
The most dramatic events which led to the tarnishing of the Supreme Court’s image and triggered intense public debate was the Judges’ asset declaration issue. The series of events were kicked off by a seemingly innocuous RTI petition by SC Aggarwal through Adv. Prashanth Bhushan asking whether “the judges are submitting details of their assets to CJI, as per a 1997 resolution, or not”. An issue which could have been otherwise handled by a yes or no response was mismanaged to the worst level and triggered the series of debates in public as well legal circles.

No intention to detail the events which finally led to the voluntary declaration of assets by the judges themselves but there are many who are skeptic on the positive outcome due to this act. Even though the judges declared their assets on the Supreme Court website, the lack of proper structure, any recurring process and clarity, not to mention the ambiguity, made it certain that the question of accountability will occupy centre stage in the year 2010 also.

Dinakaran controversy:
Justice Paul Dinakaran’s recommended elevation to Supreme Court followed the assets declaration issue. The whole episode which temporarily got settled by now fuelled two branches of debate: one was related to the credibility of the judges and their links with the malice of the society making them indifferent from their counterparts from legislature or executive. The other was the process of appointments, which the central government had a larger stake until a few years back but currently is a function of the collegium. The debate continues as we reach a year end. Justice Dinakaran is facing an impeachment motion in the parliament and the issue is in top gear.

Collegium supremacy:
Even though the title of this post used the word turbulence, there are aspects of this turbulence which will definitely benefit the judiciary as well as the Indian state in the long run. One of them is the collegium supremacy debate. The whole chapter of Justice Dinakaran’s elevation has the potential to establish the need for rigorous reforms in the appointment process and get it approved by the nation.

Strengthening demands for reforms:
All these happenings are strengthening the ever increasing demand for judicial reforms and greater accountability. Eminent lawyers like Prashanth Bhushan and organizations like Campaign for Judicial Accountability and Reforms are having the upper edge in the prolonged struggle for reforms and accountability. I would recommend readers to visit the CJAR website to know more about the demand for judicial reforms in India and various debates pertaining to that subject.

Altogether a very noisy and turbulent year for the judiciary. But given the history of Indian judiciary there are still hope in the minds of people on the judiciary’s commitment to justice but at the same time it is high time to instill fresh confidence in the social mind by adopting the mantras of transparency and accountability.

We at Info Ink already give a “Person of the Year” award and an Anal-Ocity of the Year award, the “Assie” award and this year we will start a new tradition and that is to award the “Loser of the Year”…….the award will be the thing that was the biggest loser of  the past year, whether it is prestige or money or the biggest douche bag or  whatever….it will be the largest loss…..

We were torn between oh so many……there is Tiger….then there was Madoff’s victims and then it was Chicago’s Olympic bid and on and on…there were many losers in 2009….after lots of thought and deliberation we have made our decision…….(insert drum roll here)…….

Here is the winner……..this loser has lost it all job, money, home, prestige, clout and could still lose even more…..

Info ink’s “Loser of the Year” is…….the AMERICAN TAXPAYER!

No other has lost as much as the taxpayer in this last year…they have been losing ground as the most important person in the country for years and in this last year they the tax payer or the Middle Class has lost just about everything…..these people voted en masse for the Obama promise of change….they are now losing all hope of ever seeing any change, no matter who promises it……

The loss has become uncountable and there is the main reason the the Loser of the Year is the AMERICAN TAXPAYER……..

         I wonder how many of us will countdown here on 31st dec night, I’m not sure whether i will be there, depend on the situation,haha  

           I remember end of last year 31st December night near midnight, at least 4 blogger friends- p3nguin, Matus,Cherylishere, Candygal, as far I can remember, yup the comment were lively, at first when I saw Matus reply, she was bored at that time, but happy later when 2009 approached

             8 More days to 2010 Happy New Year & 2morow is Merry Christmas,Wish everyone a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

              Here’s a common song that make everyone feel so lethagic, haha  

             Santas Claus is coming to town, we wish U a Merry Christmas(3X) & a Happy New Year, Open Your Present/Gifts!

             5,4,3,2,1 , Everybody Get Ready to Rock & Scream, ah……..

ウィリアム王子が先週、ロンドンのBlackfriars bridge（ブラックフリアーズ橋）の近くで、ホームレス体験とホームレス問題に対する認知を高めるため、路上で一晩を過ごした。子供の頃、母である故ダイアナ妃にお忍びでホームレス慈善団体のCentrepoint（センターポイント）に連れられたことがきっかけで、成長してからCentrepointの後援者となった。王子は、チャリティの責任者（写真上）とともに零下の中、ゴミ用トローリーに囲まれ、寝袋の中で夜12時から朝6時まで過ごした。その後は、ウエスト・エンドのホームレスの若者が多く夜を過ごす場所の視察をされた。寝ている間、王子たちに気づかなかった道路清掃車にひかれそうになって、ひやっとしたそうだ。日本では王子が1泊でも路上生活するなんて考えられない。過剰保護されている日本の皇室とは比べ物にならないぐらい、イギリスの王室はオープンで自由なのだ。

ホームレスチャリティのHomeless Linkの統計によると、昨年ロンドンでは、路上で睡眠を取った人が一晩あたり239人（イングランド統計483人のうち49％）。この数は、ホームレスチャリティやボランティアのおかげで、10年前の約半数になった。内訳は87％が男性で、13％が女性。62％が26〜45歳、30％が46歳以上、そして7％が25歳以下。41％に薬物問題、49％にアルコール問題、35％に精神疾患が見られた（重複あり）。15％のみ、この3つの問題のどれもなかった。政府のホームレス対策に呼応して作られた委員会であるThe London Delivery Boardは、2012年（ロンドン・オリンピック開催年）までに、ホームレスをなくすと掲げている。

慈善活動は、イギリス王室の重要な活動の１つだ。ウィリアム王子も、慈善活動に熱心な両親の影響で、少年時代から色々な活動に興味を示してきた。母親のエイズ救援・防止活動、そして父親の自然保護や恵まれない人々への活動は、王子に同じ分野での活動を促した。彼はまた、アフリカ支援にも興味を持っており、弟であるヘンリー王子（イギリスではハリーと呼ばれる）の慈善団体・Sentebaleにも時折参加している。こう書いていると至極品行方正に聞こえる王子たちであるが、ご心配なく。プライベート・ライフは楽しく過ごしているようだ。以前は、王子兄弟が（とその従姉妹のベアトリーチェ王女とユージーン王女）、Mahiki（マヒキ）やBoujis（ブージズ）、 Whisky Mist（ウィスキーミスト）等、ポッシュ(Posh、気取った)なナイトクラブに出入りしている姿が、よくロンドンのフリーペーパーを賑わわせていた（下の写真は酔っぱらった王子とガールフレンドのケイト・ミドルトン）。最近はあまりお遊びの写真は見かけないけれど、二人とも大人になったのか、それとも、行き過ぎたパパラッチ行為には法的措置も持さないと言う、エリザベス女王の警告が効いたのか？

Prince William spent one night sleeping rough on the streets near Blackfriars bridge in London last week, to experience being homeless and to raise awareness in homelessness. He was taken by his mother, late Princess Diana, on a secret visit to a Centrepoint shelter when he was a child, and the experience led him to become a patron of homeless charity Centrepoint when he grew up. He slept in a sleeping bag in sub-zero temperatures together with the charity’s chief executive (photo above), next to the wheelie bins, from 12 am to 6 am. Then he went on a tour of the West End to see where many young homeless people were sleeping. He and his company were almost run over by a road sweeper which didn’t see them. It is inconceivable in Japan that one of the princes sleeps on the street without roof, even for one night. British Royal family is incredibly open and free, in compare to the overprotected Japanese Royal family.

According to the key facts by Homeless Link, 239 people sleeping rough on any given night counted last year in London (49% of the England total 483); which is half the level that it was ten years ago, thanks to an effort by a number of homeless charities and its volunteers. 87% were male and 13% were female. 62% were aged between 26 and 45, 30% were aged over 46, and 7% were under age 25. Among the homeless people, 41% had drug problems, 49% had alcohol problems, and 35% had mental health problems (people may be counted in more than one category); 15% had neither drug, alcohol or mental health problems. The London Delivery Board, a group of voluntary agencies and statutory bodies, aims to eliminate rough sleeping in London by 2012, the year of London Olympic.

To involve in a charity activity is an important Royal duty in UK. Prince William took interest in various causes from an early age, with an influence from his parents who have been also active in charity. His mother’s work with HIV/AIDS aid and prevention, and his father’s work with the natural environment and the inner-city disadvantaged, directed him into those areas. He also showed a desire to focus on the needy in Africa, and sometimes works with his brother Prince Harry’s charity, Sentebale. How nice and touching. But don’t worry, the princes also have a nice life and like to party as well. I used to see photographs of the Royal brothers (and their cousins, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie), coming out from some posh night clubs such as Mahiki, Boujis and the Whisky Mist, all over the London’s free papers a while ago (photo below is Prince William obviously drunk with his girlfriend Kate Middleton in 2007) – but I rarely see recently. Maybe because they grew up and become mature, or the warning by the Queen, that “the Royal Family stands ready to take legal action against harassment and intrusion by paparazzi”??

photo from Aftermath News

There is little doubt that had Fox “News” been around in the early to mid 1800s, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter, and the rest of the right-wing crew would be loudly defending Slavery, and condemning those who oppose it with relentless attack pieces. Think about it. Can anyone really see that bunch of talking heads vehemently denouncing slavery as it existed in these United States? The Conservatives are the ones who defend the status quo, and the status quo then was slavery. Of course you can throw in womens’ suffrage, voting rights for minorities, and a host of other social and political issues that conservatives were decrying and viciously opposing (and continue to do so) with all the hypocritical fervor of Republican Senators and Congressmen today condemning “socialized medicine” while they themselves get lavish health care benefits paid for and administered by the GOVERNMENT.

柬埔寨的维吾尔难民

In July, 20 Muslim Uyghurs escaped China. Citing threats of torture, they hoped to attain asylum in Phnom Penh, Cambodia’s capital. Beijing deemed them “criminals.”

On Monday, Cambodian officials sent the Uyghurs home. China incentivized this arrangement with 1.2 billion dollars of aid and loans. This figure seems especially large when considering China assistance to Cambodia over the last 18 years totals almost 9.5 million dollars.

This decision concerns foreign leaders. It violates international refugee laws. The refugees entered Cambodia legally with visas. Rebiya Kadeer, a significant Uyghur leader, added, “Governments of countries neighboring China are reluctant to take any action that would displease Chinese authorities, leaving Uyghurs nowhere to flee.” UN refugee experts are currently exploring potential solutions.

Discontent with Chinese governmental control is intensifying, particularly in Xinjiang. Uyghur riots this past summer and a subsequent communication breakdown represent an extreme, but social unrest is generally increasing throughout China. A rise in crime has accompanied their massive economic expansion. In the first ten months of 2009, China saw a 15% climb in crime compared to last year, or four million cases. While many citizens choose to challenge governmental rule, a growing population hopes to flee their country.

This morning I was on Facebook and noticed somebody remark that it is hard to argue for the sanctity of marriage when 50 percent of all marriages in the country end in divorce.

Immediately my mind went to the reality that there are some people who get divorced multiple times. That alone suggests that the 50 percent number is not so damaging as it appears at first glance: you have people who are divorced multiple times making it look like every other house you drive by is facing the big D.

I went looking for some sort of statistics to make sure my thoughts were correct. While doing so I stumbled across some other statistics that refute the idea that the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce.” Is the rate still terrible? Yes. Awful? Yes. Abominable? Yes.

Is the rate as high as we keep hearing it is (50 percent)? No. Or at least, most indicators suggest it is not.

It turns out that the way of determining the divorce rate can itself be tricky. This article from 2005 demonstrates that there is more than one way to come up with a divorce rate and strongly suggests that it has never realistically been at 50 percent.

Nonetheless, divorce *is* rampant in this country. It is damaging homes, destroying families and causing people to challenge the sanctity of an institution ordained by God Almighty (one man + one woman ’til death). After all, how good can the system be if so many people try it and fail?

The answer, of course, is that it’s an excellent system. It is shameful that it has been under attack from those who refuse to take their marriage vows as seriously as they should and/or enter marriage without the preparation and forethought that making such a commitment deserves.

The same site that pointed me to the article I linked above also has a page with a “summary of findings so far.” If you’re truly interested I recommend you read the entire thing. I will post a few quotes I found particularly interesting:

3. No-fault divorce laws were one of the principal causes of increasing divorce in the 1970s and since, but were not clearly the foremost cause of the overall increase since the 1960s.

That one just about speaks for itself. When marriages are easy to get out of, people will find easy reasons to get out of them. In recent decades these laws have been a driving force behind an increase in divorces.

4. Divorce greatly increases, two- or three-fold, the incidence of all kinds of bad effects on children of divorce, including psychological problems, juvenile delinquency, suicide, undereducation, and teen motherhood…On the other hand, most children of divorce turn out O.K., without serious problems that show up as statistics of social deviance.

The “…” on the end of that quote above is my way of showing you that there were words between the parts that I quoted that I did not quote. This is akin to the end of game shows where you see the screen that says some portions of this program, not affecting the outcome of the game, have been edited for time.

To summarize the quotes above: divorce will not lead most children who suffer through it to serious, socially deviant practices. But divorce certainly has an impact that can trouble children for the rest of their lives, even contributing to trouble in their own marriages. It is not a good thing!

5. Marriage is better than divorce or bachelorhood for the health, wealth and happiness of adults of all ages and genders.

I have nothing to add to that one.

Deviation from Bible teaching on the matter has led to an undermining of the sanctity of marriage in the eyes of public opinion. God’s design for marriage is pure and wonderful. As the summaries above show: divorce is tragic. Even when divorce is for the Biblically permitted reason (Matthew 19:9) it is still tragic because of the infidelity that led to the divorce.

Man’s straying from and ignoring God’s design for marriage does not discredit the validity of the design nor the need to insist on adhering to it.

This post is not designed to answer all the “what if” and hypothetical questions that tend to find their way into discussions about marriage, divorce and remarriage. If you have a serious inquiry about it you can leave a comment or email me (john@johnalism.com).

-John

William Peace rants here about misuse use of the word ‘amazing’.  Hearty dittos — go read and be inspired to curmudgeonliness.

As long as we’re on the topic, here’s my list of a few more things that are not amazing:

Parenting more than two children.  I have a mere four, and I get the ‘wow how do you do it??’ thing even from other Catholics.   (My answer: Not that well, frankly.)    Er, hey guys, I’m a married lady.  It’s a normal biological function.

Homeschooling.  Especially when you do it as haphazardly as I do.   Might not be your thing.  But again: It is entirely normal for parents to be able to teach their own children.  You know back all those centuries when married couples were still in the habit of procreating regularly?  Most of them also trained their very own children to follow in whatever trade they practiced.  Now I don’t know how to weave or spin or farm, but I can read and write pretty well.  So it isn’t particularly amazing that I can teach my children to do the same.

Teaching 5th Grade CCD.  Sordid truth: 5th graders are the best.  The rest of you guys are missing out.  Actually I’ve only had one person tell me this was amazing — and that one person was someone who possesses a number of  talents I only dream of.  So her comment wasn’t really about anything being ‘amazing’ so much as recognition that we all have different skills and preferences.

–> I don’t suppose there’s anything really wrong with using the A-word loosely, to merely mean “you are able to do something well that many other people don’t do very well”.   And certainly we shouldn’t lose sight of wonder of the every day world: flowers and children and birds and wideness of the sky are all amazing, when we are pulled out of our busy thinking and stop to consider them.

But back to my ditto, above.  It is woefully patronizing to gush over non-achievements.   If you’ve gotten into that habit, maybe not even realizing it, perhaps 2010 is the year for you to quit?

I never thought Frank Sinatra lyrics were cool until a youth ministry friend of ours decided to open each session of a retreat weekend with “Regrets?  I have a few.”     I can’t remember how he related this to the topic, but as 2009 draws to a close, I know that I have regrets, and it would be nice to live regret-free in 2010.   How about you?   Anything from this year you’d like to be able to do over?   Rewind the tape and play out a particular scene differently?

I don’t spend a lot of time in the self-help section of bookstores.   (I can just hear my acquaintances saying, “Ah! That explains it…”)    I haven’t read Boundaries and my bookmark is still firmly set somewhere in the middle of Purpose Driven Life.   But I was drawn to the title of Stephen Arterburn’s Regret Free Living.

My only previous experience with Arterburn’s writing was a very cursory reading of Every Man’s Battle, which was — typical of books in the broader psychology genre — very much based on anecdotal accounts.  Regret Free uses stories as well, but I felt that these were used as a springboard for a larger discussion, and I can’t think of a better word than ‘discussion’ to describe the nature and tone of this book.

While we all struggle in different areas of relational dynamics — some of us more than others — the book’s forté has to do with the interpersonal dynamics of marriage and family life.   I’m not sure however that a single person would find as much benefit, or someone thinking the book might deal with the relational dynamics in the workplace, or even regrets caused by poor decision making.

The more I read, the more I realized how foreign this type of Christian prose is to my reading experience.    Still there were some things that really stood out.    Here’s a snapshot:

When you’re thinking about regrets, just remember:  You’re guilty and not guilty.  Guilty for making whatever bad decision you did, not guilty for the factors that influenced you to make that bad decision.

And never forget that, in the final analysis, you don’t have to feel guilty at all.   None of us ever does, once we’ve been completely forgiven — and Jesus Christ offers full forgiveness to any and all who come to him with a truly repentant heart.   (p. 175)

As this passage suggests, the book is solidly aimed at the Christian market or those who are investigating the Christian faith.    Each chapter contains relevant scripture citations that could make this easily the basis for a 13-week small group study.   Small group questions are not provided however, nor are there any footnotes or bibliographic notes; copyright info on any quotations are embedded right in the text.  I think that’s an attempt to make the book less intimidating.

Some of the ideas that stuck with me from the later chapters included the idea of having a “Life Check” which would work like “Spell Check” on your computer.    (Sounds good.  Where do I sign up for that?)   Or introducing  the different aspects to what we call “time;”  chronos and kairos.  (You know the first one every time you check the time in the corner of the computer you’re reading this on.   You want to get to know the second better; the experience of being in the moment.)

However, I’ve got to say that at times I felt like the book was a little slow in moving on to the next point.   Like maybe someone handed in a 40,000 word essay but the professor demanded 10,000 words more, so they filled it out.      I think part of that may be my fault, because I wasn’t reading the book out of direct need, but merely as a book to review.   For someone going through the pain of regret, some of the counsel of this book may be just what the doctor ordered.

Regrets?  I have a few.   I read books like this one and always remember that there will always be someone for whom this will be the first Christian book they have ever read. I then try to assess the book on that basis, and in this case, the joining of recognizable  stories,  logical analysis, solid advice and related scriptures passes that first book test with flying colors.

The full title is Regret Free Living:  Hope for Past Mistakes and Freedom from Unhealthy Patterns by Stephen Arterburn with John Shore.  (Bethany House Publishers, 2009; 231 pages, hardcover $17.99 US) Also available on Oasis Audio CDs read by the author ($25.99 US).