Sure, we all know that the teabaggers are angry. But what’s setting off real people? Lester & Charlie opened a video hotline to find out, and this is what they got!

A stack of twelve-teen books from the library sit on my desk. Which ones do I read?

A list of books three pages long, three columns wide, size 10 font, Times New Roman typeface is saved on my computer in alphabetical order. It’s been growing at a rate much faster than that which the strikethrough lines have been inching their way through titles since my second year in undergrad. Which ones do I read?

I have a file in my drawer of hanging files for writing related things that says “fresh ideas.” In there are upwards of twenty pieces of chit paper from the receipt printer at the restaurant that have handfuls of favorite book titles written by dozens of co-workers since 2005 to the present and counting – books these individuals who I come to love think I should read. Which ones should I, then, read?

***

It’s been years since I’ve seen the movie American Psycho.  I guess I don’t remember distinct series’ of scenes like you sometimes do from movies you watched years ago that made an impact.  I remember the cover -  Christian Bale’s character, a rich face sliding out from behind a gleaming knife blade and all of it rising from a dark, ominous background.  I remember him living a lie.  I remember addiction in everything.  And too much of everything.  But I never did read the book.  Maybe with intention, maybe not.  But I also didn’t believe in much of anything then – and that plays a part.

Bret Easton Ellis was recommended to me by a friend more recently, however, and I reevaluated my reasoning for abstaining from this literature…any literature for that matter.  Let me break for a moment to be very clear.  I love to read. Love.  Love.  Love.  Forget time management and graduate school and the fact that lately, I’m notoriously tired despite the twelve hours of sleep I’m getting each day.  I still worship the written word and have upwards of nine items on hold in the South Suburban Library System at any given time.  I consider my reading palette vast and open-minded and I try to keep it that way intentionally.   I enjoy reading about things that I don’t know about; after all, isn’t part of the fun in it all the fact that we are humbled by the thrill of learning more than we know?  Okay, since we’re all clear on that, we can return to our regularly scheduled program.

Ellis writes novels like American Psycho based primarily on a style called social satire.  There are a number of views on this style and even more nuanced views when Ellis’s particular work comes into play, none of which I am going to spend any time slicing and dicing.  I explored them and if you care, you can – but you won’t.  Because this was my little project and research component to make a relatively small personal decision about my own reading habits.  And it worked, and I did, and Ellis got the boot.

Most of my skepticism is in the fact that I don’t really buy into Ellis’s concept of social satire as a justification for how he breaks the rules of literature.  I’ll use another author here as a foil.  I think my favorite author is David Foster Wallace.    He recently died tragically by suicide in his forties, a brilliant man.  Wallace broke all the rules.  They do say in writing that you have to know the rules in order to break them.  And that you have to follow them for some time before gaining the respect to prance around as an acclaimed rule-breaker.  Both true  to the deepest degree of Wallace.  My historical background of Ellis isn’t strong.  It’s weak, in fact.  But those who talk him up to me attach Rules of Attraction to his name as a foundational work – you know, one that will cause recognition to bloom in hesitant faces.  Rules of Attraction follows no rules.  From what I’m learning about Ellis, he’s not a guy who cares one lick about following literary rules.  Maybe he just has his own plan to follow and it’s a smidge out-of-context with the American literary scene.  He seems a bit self-obsessed and it crawls into his novels about every third publication, so maybe that’s a factor.  I’m not sure.  But he’s too rebellious of a genre and an art that I respect for me to support his riots.

In essence: Ellis produces this piece of artwork (his novel, American Psycho) that claims to be a social satire on the era of excess that the 1980’s spends its days spiraling towards.  The novel is a hit with a huge crowd of folks for its brilliance in capturing the overwhelming concept of excess hidden behind a day-to-day facade.  The form and shape that excess takes in Ellis’s novel borders literary pornography, with violence in detail far beyond a plot-driven need.  The excess that society has derailed into is disgusting, true to a fault.  But Ellis does not capture this.  Ellis fails to socially comment on excess, but instead adulterates the literary functions that artists with his gift are offered with the pen and the page.  Using violence, or any other display of excess, I think Ellis could have depicted a rise above this pattern of social demise and cleverly commented on American excess in the 80’s.  Instead of commenting on the nation’s patterns, he participates shamelessly in them.

Alright people, I have lived in Oregon now for 1 year and 115 days.  I can officially call myself an Oregonian.  I moved to Oregon because I love the outdoors.  I knew I would love it here – and for the most part – this is true!  What I did not anticipate was the driving situation, which is unlike any other I have encountered across the United States.

 With that said, I think I can now speak expertly to what my brother from Bellingham, WA terms “The Great Northwest Pass.”  Those of you who are from the Pacific Northwest are probably wondering what this mysterious driving maneuver termed “The Great Northwest Pass” is all about. 

This term was coined by drivers who learned to drive in regions outside of the Pacific Northwest.  It’s a highly secret technical and tactical maneuver performed by those of us who want to evade and elude the bottleneck traffic jam that  inevitably occurs in the passing lanes of traffic here in the Pacific Northwest. 

 This tricky maneuver is performed by one attempting to drive at a higher rate of speed than most traffic on the highway in the passing lane (as most traffic on the highway is typically travelling 10 mph under the posted speed limit here in the NW).  As the driver comes up on a slower mover vehicle in the passing lane, they wait a few moments for the slower moving vehicle to change lanes to the right to yield way.  As this never happens, the driver must then put their turn signal on to indicate to others, who might also be driving at a faster rate of speed behind them, that they are attempting “The Great Northwest Pass.”  They then continue into the right lane of traffic in order to overtake the slower moving vehicle that is occupying the passing lane.  It is customary at this time for the driver to either giggle in disbelief or mutter sware words like a sailor under their breath to acknowledge the lunacy.

You see, in other parts of the country, the left hand passing lanes on a highway are actually the faster moving lanes of traffic that, say it with me now, actually pass slower moving vehicles.  It is customary that  if one is traveling at a lower rate of speed, one would change lanes to the right to give way to traffic moving at a higher rate of speed, hence the term passing lane.

Have any other transplants to the Northwest experienced this?

Lester & Charlie look back on a year of saving people from people like themselves! Learn how to bottle water, find out which Republican oddball gets their coaching from Miss Missouri, and discover Jesus’ bloodtype!

Two of my favorite recent ad campaigns are the new Hot Pockets “Eat Freely” and old Geico “Caveman.” What does it mean when we can parody social ills?

Visit eatfreely.org for more commercials in this campaign.

For a two party system to work, it takes two legitimate parties – and the Republicans are out to lunch. So in the spirit of democracy, Lester & Charlie have taken on the monumental task of re-branding the GOP.

The Emperor’s Children is the most controversial novel that I have read in a long time. Not controversial in terms of  its subject matter, which is intentionally non-dramatic, but rather in its likability–or lack thereof. The critics love it. The readers are less charmed.

I was astonished by the disparity of opinion among those who reviewed Claire Messud’s latest work. The New York Times named The Emperor’s Children a notable book, and Slate’s book critic Katie Roiphe was charmed, calling it “that mythical hybrid that publishers dream of one day finding in the piles of manuscripts on their desks.”

However, the masses (and by “masses,” I mean those of us who find an unspeakable amount of pleasure in reviewing literature with fellow book geeks on Goodreads and Amazon) find themselves deeply disappointed. The general consensus is that the characters are unrealistic caricatures of spoiled New York intellectuals, the book is long and drawn-out, and the prose is grandiose.

I cannot say that I entirely disagree.

And yet, I loved the book, if only because the characters remind me of my former high school and college classmates. I also love a writer who can eloquently delineate the strife of  frivolous Manhattanites who are struggling to uncover the meaning of life… by analyzing the history of children’s clothing.

I think that the Times has it right. Messud is certainly a prolific novelist of “unnerving talent.” Her lyrical prose, engaging sense of humor, and astute approach to the post-9/11 novel is spectacular, assuming that one interprets it as social satire. If The Emperor’s Children is taken seriously, it is nothing more than a version of Bravo’s NYC Prep for upper-echalon 30-somethings. But every sentence in this novel is laced with irony, and no one in our generation can craft a comedy of errors quite like Claire Messud.

(BP) – Louisville, KY – August 17, 2009

Anti-abortion activists in Atlanta, Nashville and here in Louisville, Kentucky are poised to pressure the University of Louisville on its indecision concerning the tenure of men’s basketball head coach Rick Pitino.

The activists, claiming to be inspired by the success of PETA’s efforts against Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick, are planning a series of marches, rallies and sit-ins on campus.  Ted Jackson, leader of the EggsRPeople2 organization, says, “It is a disgrace that a state institution can honor the contract of a murderer like Pitino.  We are confident that the people of the good state of Kentucky will join us in calling for the university to act decisively.  We are calling the governor and our legislators.  This man is a devil.   He has to go. Did you see him in that white suit?”

Rick Pitino became embroiled in a scandal when it was revealed that he had engaged in an adulterous affair with a women he accused of blackmailing him.  Pitino forwarded evidence of his charges to the Federal Bureau of Investigation in April 2009.  While the national sports media largely ignored this story, anti-abortion rights activists began to investigate the story independently.  It seems there were rumors in and around Lexington that Pitino and Karen Cunagin Sypher were engaged in a steamy relationship, and that Pitino was reputed to have unprotected sex with random women.   The activists and their sources appear to have been vindicated when the story emerged that Pitino paid for Sypher to have an abortion.

University of Louisville chaplain Jefferson Kilkenny said, “I am so deeply saddened by this.  Coach Pitino is the most polarizing figure in the state of Kentucky since Adolf Rupp.  Even Cassius Clay didn’t set people off like this.  I’ve never seen this many people so incensed by the actions of one man.  What he’s done is horrible.  It goes against all that we hold dear at this school.  This institution has to do right by its students, its alumni, and by the unborn child of this evil man.”

University president James Ramsey has steadfastly supported coach Pitino in the face of withering opposition.  Ramsey was quoted as saying, “The incendiary vitriol of the people in unimaginable.  I can only imagine how tensions might flare if he’d done more than subsidized the murder of his unborn child.  Had he killed dogs, we’d need to beef up security around the campus.  As it is, I’m concerned about the beginning of the academic year and have advised all of our liberal faculty members, particularly the sociologists, to be acutely aware of their surroundings.”

Pitino was unavailable for comment.

Louisville police department chief Hugh Firestone added, “We know that these activists are not above the use of violence.  We’re concerned about the safety of everyone.  In an environment like this, someone could lash out at the university health center or the basketball team or anyone.”

The parents of one member of the basketball team offered this summary, “Sometimes men make beds they don’t want to lie in.  And sometimes, they tell lies that everyone has to live with.  I hope people can find it in their hearts to forgive him.  After all, it’s not as if he killed dogs.”

The University of Louisville basketball team is annually one of the elite contenders for the national championship.  No plans have been announced to seek or hire a replacement for Pitino.