When top lavel guys look down they see only shit.

When bottom level guys look up they only see only assholes.

BizTalk Custom Pipeline Components

Business Case:

A Sweden based ICT Company were facing a problem in archiving of invoice message (TIFF files). They had to do many manual processes for the archiving which required automation.

Requirement:

The requirement of the client was to create a custom pipeline component in BizTalk to support archiving of invoice message (TIFF files). The proposed solution has to interact over secure FTP (SFTP). The invoices have to be transferred to the second party and acknowledgement of the receipt is to be recorded. If there is any error in the process then it has to be notified by email. A strict requirement was that the invoice and accompanying files should be transferred as a single set. If there is any error then the sending of invoice should be cancelled and notified by email.

Decos Solution:

BizTalk Pipelines allow you to customize the processing of XML documents received or sent via the various BizTalk adapters. Custom Pipeline components extend the behavior of Pipelines to include processing data of virtually any format. They can be a powerful solution if you support legacy systems that require integration with other products, but your legacy data format does not follow standards. It may contain carriage returns in odd places or records spanning any number of lines of text, for example. The only stipulation is that the data emerging from the Custom Pipeline must be some form of XML document.

The client’s requirement was to build custom pipeline component in BizTalk to support archiving of invoice message. The invoices which were TIFF files were generated at the client’s side. First step taken by Decos Team was creation of windows services to interact with SFTP server at source and destination sides. And then the Enhancements to third-party nSoftware component were done to search/create directories recursively. To complete a Pipeline, one or more Pipeline components from within Visual Studio .NET were needed to be selected and then they can be added to the Pipeline. None of the existing BizTalk Pipeline components satisfied the client requirements, so Decos had to build a custom pipeline component. A custom pipeline component for archiving the invoices was created. After creating the custom Pipeline component, the pipeline was deployed to the C:\Program Files\Microsoft BizTalk Server 2006\Pipeline Components directory so the custom Pipeline component can be added to the Pipeline in the BizTalk 2006 project. After deploying the custom Pipeline component, the component was added to the Pipeline component toolbar. The logic in BizTalk Orchestrations was implemented to ensure that files are received as a single set and error conditions are detected and notified. Technologies being used for this solution: BizTalk Server 2006 R2, nSoftware SFTP adapter, SSH library

The Result:

Decos team delivered this solution in 20 days and is currently working on the development of additional features. Client was delighted to have an advanced solution based on Biztalk Server 2006 to get relief from their pain area of archiving the invoice messages.

GET A FREE QUOTE

more: www.decos.in

]]> http://thewalkin.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/software-engineer/ Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:46:24 +0000 The Editor http://thewalkin.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/software-engineer/

Benipal Technologies
Location: Bangalore
Experience: 4-6 Years
Education: Graduates, MCA, M.Sc
Skills: JAVA J2EE, XML, STRUTS, HIBERNATE, SOAP,
WALK IN INTERVIEWS ON SATURDAY, NOV 21 from 12pm – 5 pm and SUNDAY, NOV 22 from 12 pm – 5 pm.

DESIRED CANDIDATE PROFILE:

Must have a Bachelors degree with any specialization. Preference will be given to M.Sc and MCA degrees. Excellent spoken engish is an absolute must with good presentation skills.

Ability to perform under pressure will be a critical factor.

Contact Details:

Benipal Technologies

28 5th Block 4th B Cross Koramangala Industrial Layout Bangalore, India 560095

Tel: 080-3026-8000

Dear Manager (HR),

Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.

Signed – Project Leader

NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13)
for my true assessment of him.

Unfortunately, these days you can’t help but hear dreary news when it comes to the economy and how more and more people are losing their jobs.  Fortunately, at LeapFish we have a bit of a better hiring story to tell.  LeapFish is hiring and looking for talent in many areas!

We believe our people are our power and when it comes to attracting the right people, we have given a lot of thought to the careers that motivate professionals. We offer our team members intellectual power and independent insight. This in turn creates an entrepreneurial environment where a professional can reach their potential sooner and explore a full range of opportunities.

LeapFish encourages an open and communicative workplace, as well as an environment of growth and learning. We offer a great opportunity to learn and grow along with competitive salaries and comprehensive benefits.

If you seek an environment where you can embrace challenge, make an impact and enjoy significant growth, Join us!

We are currently accepting resumes for the following opportunities:

• Inside Sales Representative
• Regional Sales Managers
• Client Services Representative
• Project Manager
• Network Engineer
• Sr. Network Engineer
• Software Engineer
• Sr. Software Engineer

To apply online visit us at http://www.dotnextinc.com/Careers.aspx

Brett Patrick Markley
41839 Amberly Dr.
Clinton Twp., Michigan 48038
Home: 586-416-4875
Cell: 586-214-8027

Objective
To promote the implementation and advancement of technology where my skills, education, and experience can be utilized.

Functional Experience

Senior Lead Electronics Repair Technician/Software Engineer
ABB Inc.
Auburn Hills, MI
06/2003 – 10/2009
Administrate Daily Repair Operations, Coordinate Personnel And Work Assignments, Provide Production And Performance Tracking Of Jobs And Technicians. Forecast Monthly Earnings And Provide Monthly Reports And Analysis. Assist With Warranty Tracking, And Problem Resolution. Facilitate Weekly Departmental Safety Talks. Manage And Source Equipment, Supplies, And Parts. Build, Maintain, Audit, And Repair Test Equipment. Analyze And Expand Repair Capabilities, Create Documentation, And Procedures. Manage, Train, And Assist Repair Technicians. Clean, Test, Repair, And Refurbish ABB OEM Electronics. In-circuit Repair Of Discrete And Surface Mount Component Technology. Administrate Test Computers, Robot Controllers, Networking, Internal Software, Customer Software Creation, Firmware, And Firmware Production. Submission Of Bug Information And Change Requests To Main Office. Expand Product Knowledge Through Periodic Training. Provide Technical Support For Electronics, Computers And Software. Member Of ABB Emergency Response Team, ABB Certified For Hazardous Material Manifest.
Electronics Service Engineer

St-Lawrence-Troy LLC
Madison Heights, MI
10/2001 – 06/2003
Third Party Repair Services. Clean, Test, And Repair Power Supplies, Servo Amplifiers, Teach Pendants, Main CPU, EMG Modules, And I/O Boards From Various Manufacturers Containing Both Discrete And Surface Mount Technology. Identify, Source, Order And Maintain Components And Consumable Inventory Used For Repair. Prepared Documentation For Repairs And Test Procedures.

Electronics Service Engineer/Proposal Engineer
Argus & Associates Inc.
Wixom, MI
10/2000 – 06/2001
Contracted for FANUC Robotics North America Inc. Rochester Hills, MI. Creation Of Custom Rebuild, Refurbishment, Repair, P.M. And Spare Parts Support Packages. Coordinate Customer Contact Meetings, Part Orders, Part Packages, And Material Planning. Provide Interdepartmental Communications And Data Acquisition. Clean, Test, And Repair Power Supplies, Servo Amplifiers, Teach Pendants, Main CPU And EMG Modules Containing Both Discrete And Surface Mount Component Technology. Prepared Documentation For Repairs And Test Procedures. Expand Product Knowledge Through Periodic Training.

Electronics Service Engineer/Proposal Engineer
Epcom Corporation
Troy, MI
01/1999 – 10/2000
Contracted for FANUC Robotics North America Inc. Rochester Hills, MI. Creation Of Custom Rebuild, Refurbishment, Repair, P.M. And Spare Parts Support Packages. Coordinate Customer Contact Meetings, Part Orders, Part Packages, And Material Planning. Provide Interdepartmental Communications And Data Acquisition. Clean, Test, And Repair Power Supplies, Servo Amplifiers, Teach Pendants, Main CPU And EMG Modules Containing Both Discrete And Surface Mount Component Technology. Prepared Documentation For Repairs And Test Procedures. Expand Product Knowledge Through Periodic Training.

Electronics Service Engineer
Tarus Products Inc.
Sterling Heights, MI
08/1997 – 01/1999
Clean, Test, Repair, Assemble, And Retrofit Prototype/Production Computers And Circuit Boards Containing Both Discrete And Surface Mount Component Technology. Software And Hardware Installation And Support. Field Service Support Of CNC Milling And CMM Inspection Machines. Installation And Support Of In-House Network. Organize And Maintain Component Inventory.

Education

ABB Inc.
Auburn Hills, MI
06/2003 – 10/2009
Certifications In S2, S3, S4, S4C, S4C+, IRC5, Trallfa, S4P, S4P+ Electrical Maintenance, Robot Safety, Electrical Safety, Mechanical Safety, HAZMAT, ERT, Ethics, Diversity, SAP, JDE, Leadership, Team Work.

FANUC Robotics North America
Rochester Hills, MI
01/1999 – 06/2001
Certifications In R-J, R-J2, And R-J3 Electrical Maintenance And P200 Mechanical Rebuild, BAAN, MS Office, Visual Basic, ACT, Safari Report Writer, Robot Safety, Electrical Safety, Mechanical Safety, HAZMAT, ERT, Ethics, Diversity

ITT Technical Institute Associate Degree
Troy, MI
03/1996 – 4/1998
Computer and Electronics Engineering Technology
GPA Of 3.85 Member Of National Vocational Honor Society

Affiliations

National Vocational Honor Society in Electronics Engineering Technology Member
06/1997 – Present

Skills

Fabrication & Assembly
Customer Service
Hardware
Programming
Servers
CMM
Database
Industrial Controls
Project Management
Software
CNC
Design
Installation
Repair
Technical Support
Communications
Electronics
Microsoft/Windows
Rework
Technical Writing
Computers
Engineering
Networking
Robotics
Training
Content Management
GNU/Linux
Open Source
Schematics
Troubleshooting
CSS
XHTML
XML
PHP & MYSQL
Apache

Decos software development company based in India is a part of Decos Technology Group (DTG)  in Noordwijk, The Netherlands. Decos Software Development (DSD)  is providing onshoring/offshoring solutions to their European clients with the perfect blend of expertise in latest technologies (Microsoft technologies, Open source technologies and latest Web Development technologies such as Web 2.0.) and the flexibility of working onshore by providing you with the Technical Architects (TA) – our experts with the right mix of technology & business expertise.

Decos USP lies in unique & powerful offshore model which provides dedicated offshore teams of software engineers working directly as an extension of your on-shore team – in the European business hours. Our state of the art infrastructure facilitates multiple communication channels while ensuring timely project completion making us an ideal partner for companies looking for outsourcing or offshoring solutions.

Decos-India is successfully serving more than 25 European companies as their outsourcing center across various verticals such as ICT, Telecom, Finance, Insurance, Retail, Travel & Tourism, Logistics, Healthcare and Manufacturing.

Request for Quote

Know more: http://www.decos.in

Various Project Vacancies in IIT Bombay

Advertisement No. E-35/P(09)09-10

• Centre for environmental Science and engineering JOB CODE    P(09-1)

Project Name : Surfactant Aided Biodegradation of Model NAPLs.

SRF : 1 Post

Eligibility : M.Tech in Environmental/Chemical/Civil Engineering, MSc. Chemistry, Biotechnology, Microbiology with two years research experience
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.14000/- p.m. + HRA
Job Profile : The research involves experiments using hydrocarbon-degrading microorganisms and studies in surfactant aided degradation of synthetic oil formulations for interpreting bioavailability and substrate interaction effects.

•  Chemical Engineering  JOB CODE P(09-2)

Project Name : “Evaluation of Polymeric Surfactants for Emulsification/Demulsification “

SRF: (1 Post)

Eligibility : M.Tech.(chemical engineering), M. Sc.(physics)
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.14000/- p.m.
Job Profile : Experiments and mathematical modeling of emulsification and demulsification processes in the presence and absence of electric field and shear. Knowledge of MATLAB and or MATHEMATICA will be preferred.

• CHEMISTRY  JOB CODE   P(09-3)

Project Name : Feasibility of 10 um/min Cu Plating on Thin PVD Seed Layers
 

RA1(Research Assistant): (1 Post)

Eligibility : BSc/MSc in Chemistry/Life Sciences/Physics with a consistently good academic record.
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.8000/- p.m.
Job Profile : Participate in development of Electrochemical Sensing and Energy Applications.

• CIVIL ENGINEERING  JOB CODE   P(09-4)

Project Name : Some Investigations on Cracking Characteristics Fine-grained Soils
 

SRF: (1 Post)

Eligibility : M.Tech (Geotechnical Engg.)
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.20900/- p.m.
Job Profile : Investigations on cracking characteristics fine-grained soils.

• COMPUTER SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING  JOB CODE   P(09-5)

E-Yantra
 

PE(Project Engineer): (3 Post)

WD(Web Designer): (1 Post)

Eligibility : Proficient in Php, MySQL, Javascript. Working knowledge of Apache webserver. Creating Login based secure website. Hands on experience on Dreamweaver, Joomla. Applicant should have excellent programming skills in php, MySQL and Javascript. Applicants with ability to create high quality web pages will be given preference.
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.10000 to 16000/- p.m.
Job Profile : Creating and maintaining Project Webpages

• Electrical Engineering  JOB CODE  P(09-6)

Project Name : Rural Connectivity and Applications,Wireless Communications and Networking
 

SRE(Senior Research Engineer): (1 Post)

Eligibility : M.S., M.E. or M.Tech. in EE / CSE from reputed institute with good academic record, and 3 years relevant research experience.
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.22000/- p.m.
Job Profile : Research related to 4G wireless communication standards, and liaison with SDOs and other standards bodies.

SE(Software Engineer): (1 Post)

Eligibility : B.Tech./B.E. in EE / CSE from reputed institute with outstanding academic record (1st Class with Distinction, and / or ranked in top 10th percentile) with 0 to 2 years programming experience
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.12000 – 16000/- p.m.
Job Profile : Implementation of wireless network simulator and graph algorithms.

• Mechanical Engineering  JOB CODE   P(09-7)

Project Name :Multiple Jet Impingement on a smooth and Rough Flat Plate. (IITB-STC)
RA1(Research Assistant): (1 Post)

Eligibility : B.E., in Mechanical Engineering with atleast 60% (in final year). Experience in conducting thermal experiments and capability to operate thermal camera
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.7000/- p.m.
Job Profile : To conduct experiments in impinging subsonic jets.

•  Metallurgical Engineering & Materials Science  JOB CODE  P(09-8)

Project Name : Photomagnetic Investigations on Magnetic Oxide

PA(Project Associate): (1 Post)

Eligibility : Ph.D in chemistry, physics, materials science or related area.
Salary : Consolidated salary Rs.16000-19000/- p.m. + HRA
Job Profile : To synthesise magnetic nanoparticles by chemical methods, investigate their structural,magnetic and photomagnetic properties.

Important Notice :

1. Last date of receipt of applicaton is 30 November 2009.
2. Candidates should apply in the prescribed applicatin form at http://www.ircc.iitb.ac.in/IRCC-Webpage/PDF/Application_online.pdf
3. Candidates can apply for multiple positions with separate application form for each position.
4. Send the application to the Asst. Registrar (R & D Office), IRCC Wing, SJMSOM Building, Indian Institute of Technology Bombay, Powai, Mumbai-400076, Phone: 022-2576 4078 Fax. : 022-25764034 Email id.: recruit@ircc.iitb.ac.in
5. The positions are temporary initially for a period of one year and tenable only for the duration of project.
6. The selection committee may offer lower or higher designation and lower or higher salary depending upon the experience and performance of the candidate in the interview.

I stumbled upon this story…

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India . My father was a Government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.

I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald’s and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

The in-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA .

My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand children.

Every year I decided to go to India … But work and monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn’t get any holidays and thus could not go to India… The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites, the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents passed away without seeing their son and grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children’s dislike and my wife’s joy, we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the US…

My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to  stay in India …. My 2 children and I returned to USA , after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA … I decided that I had enough and wound up every thing and returned to India … I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.

….Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.

Sometimes I wonder, was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have  the same, nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damn cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking if I am alright. Well, at least they remember me.

Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors who will be performing my last rites too, God Bless them. But the question still remains, was all this worth it?’

I am still searching for an answer…… ……… ..!!!

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NOTE : Please mention Job code in subject/Post, when apply.

Job Code : Soft Engr  – Xenotive

Post : Software Engineer APPLY NOW

Qual : B.E./B.Tech in CSE

Exp : 0-2 yr in .NET

Location : Delhi

Salary : Rs.  8,000-10,000 P.M.

Company :Xenotive

Web : www.xenotive.com

Please see more vacancies at All vacancies @ APS

Walk-in @ ValueLabs on October 24, 2009 for Oracle/Plsql professionals with 2 to 6 Years of experience.

Following are the details:

Day & Date: Saturday – Oct 24, 2009

Time: 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM

Venue: ValueLabs Campus.

Selection process:
Technical test in SQL & PL/SQL – on Oct 24, 2009

Interviews: During the weekdays for the candidates shortlisted in the written test.

Requirement:
Strong in Oracle, Plsql.
Extensive experience in writing complex SQL queries
Excellent communication and presentation skills
Very Good Programming skills.
Experience: 2 to 6 yrs relevant experience
Qualification: BE / B.Tech / ME / M.Tech / MCA / M.Sc
Position – Software Engineer / Sr. Engineer / Lead.

The eligible candidates can directly walk-in for the selection process on Saturday – Oct 24, 2009.

Things to carry
1. Updated resume – Hardcopy
2. Latest passport size photograph

PS: Candidates who had gone through our recruitment process in past 6 months are not eligible for this test.

Note: If you are unable to attend the recruitment process on Oct 24, 2009, kindly send your profile

Hi guys,

Just picked up another job order from a great client! Check out the details and if you are a fit, or know someone that may be email me at slee@rgatech.com

 Stable, profitable, expanding company is looking for a top notch C# developer with proficiency in .net 2.0 and SQL server 2000. The company is one of the largest providers of health related products, and they are looking to dominate the webspace with the ultimate e-commerce platform. This prestigious organization is looking for a senior level c# developer that will eventually become the lead developer.

 Title: Senior software engineer- .net, C#, SQL server

Loc: Southbay Salary: 85,000-125,000 FT

Job: Your job will be to take their current e-commerce platform to the next level. You will be working with an IT team, the marketing team, as well as one other peer developer on strategizing how to optimize traffic and conversions with a newer, faster, better ecommerce platform. You will also be in charge of adding new cutting edge functionalities such as an automated re-order system, as well as developing microsites for their corporate and retail stores. Since the team is smaller, you can make this project your own with little or no red tape. What you say goes, so be ready to take charge and come to the table with innovative ideas. Your job is to take this quickly expanding company the number one ecommerce platform in the world. Other exciting projects include integrating an ERP system into their platform, as well as optimizing the database for the fastest, most efficient results. Experience required: 5-7 years of c# and SQL experience. Experience working on a e-commerce platform selling a hard product b2end user. If you have worked on sites such as Zappos, Nike, GNC where they sell goods to end users this is the right job for you. Minimum tools required: C# 2.0, SQL server 2k. XML, ajax. The job will be 90% backend dev, so must be a SQL guru. They plan to migrate to newer versions ie .net3.5 and sql 2k8 so those would be pluses

Pluses: SEO, middle tier exp, front end exp, dev high traffic e-commerce websites, ERP experience.

Selling points: Profitable, stable, family owned business. They sell products that are vital to everyone, so imagine the traffic and earning potential here. This position will lead to a lead role within 7-12 months of employment. They are planning to expand, and you can act as the fearless leader and they will build a team around you. You are a critical part of this organization, so what you bring to the table is crucial. Family friendly environment, 2 weeks PTO

email resumes to slee@rgatech.com

-TechRecruiterLA

Web traffic analysis shows that 78%-84% traffic to a website come from Search Engines, and 68%-72% searchers believe in Natural (unpaid or Organic) Search. Consumer Research shows that shoppers trust Search Results (41%) over Print Ads (10%) and TV Ads(9%). Social Networks, e.g. Facebook (over 68 millions unique visitors), Myspace (58 millions) Twitter (5 millions) also become a poweful area for marketing. Email marketing and Banner ads are also very cost-effective compare to offline marketing.

Placing ads on Inc, NYTimes, or CNN can cost fortune and is not an option for most companies. Online marketing, with much less expense and growing influence, has beome the better marketing choice for business.

I thought this job opening for a Free Search Traffic / SEO Software Engineer from Amazon.com was interesting.

Amazon.com understands the importance of getting free search engine traffic enough so that they have a position devoted specifically to making free search engine traffic happen in their business.

Does your company?

Software Engineer SEO Amazon

If your company hasn’t yet made search engine optimization a priortity – why?

…and over a thousand visitors later and I now know the effort of trying something so new for the first time in years has been worth it!

I didnt know how I was going to get on with this attempt at ‘food blog writing’ but with help from my family I can say I absolutely love it. I wouldnt say I have a natural flair for online story writing being a Software Engineer by day but I like to think I have put passion, fun and care in most of the posts! My sister being an online journalist has even commented she likes my writing style which is a bonus.

It has been very scary writing recipes at times and a huge learning curve for me as well, especially trying out new things and new techniques – gaining confidence with each one. I keep thinking back to where it all started, when I was 16 working as a kitchen-hand in a local 3* Hotel learning the ropes, as well as learning from my mum’s wonderful home cooking over the years, to where I am now, sharing mine and my family’s favourite recipes with the rest of the world.

The picture taking has been fun as well as stressful – trying to get the correct lighting to make it look good. I will have to study lots and lots of other pictures to make mine look better moving forward.

Working in the digital media arena in different jobs over the years, I have been able to use what I know about search engines, optimisation and directories, to make the most of publisising my blog! At the start, most of my visitors came from family and friends and from joining excellent associations like the UK Food Bloggers Association (UKFBA) but now most come from Google searches, which means others out there must enjoy the same things I like to write about!

Blog writing has had a lot of other bonuses too, especially with social networking, making new friends, being invitied to meet other bloggers and digital darlings as well as local food producers and getting to visit lots of other local excellent food haunts and restaurants, which my girlfriend really loves.

It seems like I have spent many hours sat infront of my laptop writing these posts but I can say it has been totally worth it and I would recommend it to anyone. I have rekindled my passion for cooking and now have a medium to share it with others.

Finally, I want to say thanks to my girlfriend and family for all their help and also to everyone that has visited “Anyone for Seconds?” and left comments and especially to all the other excellent food bloggers that have helped me along the way! I have so many more recipes, reviews and posts that I want to do (that I already have in Draft mode or that I have scribbled down all over the place), that I hope everyone enjoys reading them as much as I enjoy creating them, now and in the future!

I opened my eyes to look at the alarm clock which was waiting eagerly with an evil grin on the table, kept exactly beside my head to wake me up with its irritating frequency of sound that it emits. It was 6.30 AM. The seconds hand was sweeping the clock’s face with intermittent pause for each second tirelessly to count the time that ticks right away.

Mom and dad were packing up bags. My vision was hazy, eyes still laden with the gravity of sleep. They were actually starting for a mini pilgrimage tour which was arranged by one of our neighbors in his Travel Package.

“Ashwin, wake up. We are leaving for the tour. We’ll be back tomorrow. We may reach late. Milkman will come at 7.30, get the packets and keep it in the milk tray. I’ve made breakfast and it is in the kitchen. Get up and lock the doors”

“Ye….aaaah (**Yawn**)”

I got up and slid the door latch and came back to bed. Closed my eyes and tried to sleep. But I was not able to sleep. I felt lonely and this loneliness was not allowing me to sleep. So I quickly got up and logged into my system to check mails.

There was a forward mail containing rare images of the some deity. I kept scrolling and in the end there was a message which asked me to forward it to at least 20 people, ignoring this mail may bring ill fate to me. On forwarding the mail, some miracle may happen in 1 hour. I usually don’t believe in these chain mails. And I hate spamming friends’ inbox with this kind of mails. I just thought for a moment and didn’t know what struck me, I pressed the Forward Button, entered few mail IDs in the To List and hit the SEND.

I launched iTunes & played some music track, so that I don’t doze off. Just then, I heard someone knocking the door. I remembered the milkman. I got up, walked towards the door and opened. There was no one. I came out and looked in all directions in search of milkman. There was no one. I looked disappointingly into the mailbox which was tugging the grill gate outside. Someone patted me on my back.

“Who are you?”

“I’m God”

The man appeared very simple in his white pyjamas. Well shaved. Well kept hair. I could not believe that he is God. I felt, he is talking rubbish early in the morning.

“Wh…What?”

“God! I said”, repeated the man-in-white

Well, I assumed this guy is gone mad or an escapee from an asylum. He looked harmless mature to his age that invited some dignity in his speech. I thought he must be from the neighboring house and is playing with me.

“Can we go to terrace and stroll for a while. It will be a good breathing experience in this morning”, he offered.

“Errr…OK in a minute”, I said and entered the house, put the system in Sleep mode, locked the doors and we walked up the stairs. By the time we reached the terrace, he went straight to the wooden cot which was there and offered me a seat. I hesitantly sat beside him.

“You are…errrr” I started again

“I’m God my son. The almighty! If you don’t believe me let’s have a conversation and in the end it is up to you to believe me or not.” The deal seemed to be vague. How can one believe one as a God with mere conversation? But I somehow wanted to get rid of this man. He must either be a neighbor or a jerk or a jerk neighbor.

“Hmmm…fine” I said

“Son…Tell me what you do?

“I’m a Software engineer” I said.

Click the “Read more…” link below to read the rest of the story

“Well…What does that mean?”, asked God (God from here after) puzzled

“I create Softwares. Do a lot of coding….and that’s it” I ended abruptly assuming that more technical details may not help him to understand what software engineer is all about.

“Now I understand. So you create things as I do!!?” He questioned me back

“As you do?.”, I was puzzled.

“Yea I create human beings who thrive in this earth”, God said with pride.

“Oh I see. So you are the one who create humans”, I said. I was not able to digest the statements he was making to me. I was trying to understand his words. It didn’t make any sense to me. I was laughing at his ignorance and his state of deliberate volunteerism in him to explain the concept of creation!

“What if there is any problem in your software which you create?” asked God.

I was bit interested as he was asking me things about software. I replied back, “There will not be any problems. We do a round of testing before implementing….”

“Implementing??…”, he interrupted.

“Yea….errrr…I mean running the software in real time”, I clarified.

“I too test humans, but after creating them. Not before creating them as in software”

“Oh I see. So you too test them. I test software for errors, functionality, bugs and more.” I said

“I test humans for endurance, perseverance, faith, responsibility, sincerity and much more”, He responded back.

“Hmmm…”, I nodded.

“What if, there are any problems in the software you deliver?”, asked God. I didn’t expect such a question from him.

“mmm….that’s called a delivered defect. We usually don’t deliver such a product. In case, we found any, we put a fix on it, by reworking on few of the codes”, I completed.

“My creations do have defect. But its not my fault. They are purely the fault of human beings. I see many of my creations are born crippled, deformed and with defect in their eyes or health. This is the human’s responsibility to take care of the progeny. The child should be nourished and taken care of in the proper conditions of healthy growth. Many children are born with diseases and with worst HIV +ve conditions. These do not fall under my control. I always create good humans, it is the living conditions and surrounding that makes him good or bad”

“Well, I can understand”, I said. I was almost in tears.

But his speech was so artificial. He did no sound the normal way. I was feeling uncomfortable. The information that my mind was registering seemed to be something different, which I haven’t heard before. He was justifying things on his side. He says humans are responsible for everything. I couldn’t respond.

I started, “Well then, I’m getting too much of information. I’m feeling strange”

God said, “What happened to you?”

“Don’t know. Something is wrong, I can feel. My mind is getting blank. I’m not able to think”

“Everything will be alright. Don’t worry my child”, God said.

“Child?? …”. I got confused. My vision was getting blurred slowly. The man, who designated himself as God, stood up and disappeared in the thin air. I was losing my balance and was about to touch the ground with THUD.

***

Scientists from all over the world were staring at the big TFT display placed in the Biogene Human Incubation Research Lab’s simulation hall. The world’s first Indian Robot, iHuBot was being tested for human emotions and being subjected to real time human interaction. The research center chief scientist Ramanan was monitoring each and every movement of the robot and its reaction in his laptop connected to the monitoring system. It was his invention and his dream of designing 99% Human like bio machine was about to come to reality.

The robot was designed using the human tissues which were specially made for designing robots with human characteristics. The skin was etched with the special nano sensors which can detect touch, heat, moisture and other human feelings like pain and tickle. The robot’s main memory consisting of 200TB storage can cache 87 thousand independent applications each doing the process of millions of cells and tissues that operate in human body and a secondary memory of 16000TBs which can fetch data stored in the main memory, gathered from human interactions and push it to the real time server that keeps running in the memory and will help the robot identify things and humans which it had interacted in the past, and the data is stored in the database. There is a heuristic engine application designed exclusively for the robot which can develop relational program and data from the past interactions and relate it to the current course of action and help robot identify persons or places or streets or even smell like that of real humans.

All of them were active in monitoring various events and busy in gathering data from the interaction. They were testing for bugs in the software which controls the robot mainly. The heuristic program which can develop itself in real time, keeps track of everything that the robot encounters.

Ramanan has noted and validated every emotion of humans with that of the Robot’s. He selected TEST PASSED checkbox in the validation software and waited for next emotional action.

It’s been 2 hours of conversation. The iHuBot was showing all sorts of emotions and expressions like that of human, but it isn’t showing the most expected one in the list. Everyone was waiting anxiously for the last test case to pass.

The human like figure was still having a conversation with the robot to induce various emotions into it.

***

I didn’t knew, when I came back to normal condition. He said it was miracle of God.

“Do you like animals?”, God asked.

I have not seen any animal in the flat for some time. They don’t allow animals here in this flat. I don’t remember when I saw a pet dog. In this 25^th century, no one cares about having a pet. I looked at my watch. It was 9.00 AM.

“Yea but I haven’t seen any in this flat.” I said

“Here it is”, God said and a small Pomeranian puppy came from somewhere. I bent and picked it up and held it in my hands. It was cute, hairy and spongy. It started licking my hands and then my cheeks. I stood still. I didn’t understand the actions. Why the hell it is licking me badly. Does it like the taste of my skin?

God asked me again, “What do you feel?”

I didn’t know what to say about this feeling. I smiled. I again looked at the pup. It tilted its head and came near my nose and again started licking again. I was feeling bored. I kept the puppy down and said to God.

“Well, I would like to leave. I’m hungry”

“Oh…I can get you food here”

“No I wanted to have it down. I’ll meet you sometime later”

“OK. Take care”, God said and disappeared in the thin air.

I went down and opened the door. Switched ON my system and entered the kitchen for breakfast, someone knocked the door again. I went and tapped the display fitted in the door and the display popped up the face.

It was Samyuktha.

“Hey come in. What made you here this morning?”

“Thank you. Just came in. Mom asked me to get some Coffee Powder.”

“Oh…wait a minute” I said. “And hey are you alone? Where is your mom and dad”, she interrupted and winked. I could see some mischievousness in her eyes. I have always seen this girl coming to my house. I’ll always be engrossed in my comp. She used to stare at me and keep staring always.

“Hey what are you thinking”, she again interrupted my thoughts.

“Errr..no nothing. I was thinking where the Coffee Powder packet is”

“Oh no….let it be somewhere. There is no hurry. I’ll get it when I leave”, she said.

So she is not leaving now. She was in her 3/4^th gym pants. Pink sleeveless with her hair tied at the back ending in a cute pony tail. The dress perfectly held her tight and packed. Her contour of the body was easily traceable and it suffered bends and turns at appropriate places.

“Hey, what are you looking at?”, she again interrupted.

“No, nothing…I was just………” I searched for words.

“You keep thinking always, Naughty. What have you been doing since this morning?”, she asked me. I never know why I search for words for such silly questions.

“I..I was in terrace….err”, I paused. Should I tell her about the man in white, The God. It appeared insane. Already she is making fool out of me. I did not want to get myself into making a fool again.

“You were in terrace? Don’t tell me that”, she looked so amused. Don’t tell me that? She only asked me where I was. Now she is asking me not to tell her. Is she gone mad?

“When is your mom coming back?”, she asked.

“They are coming back tomorrow. They have gone for a mini pilgrimage” I completed.

“Oh is it? Then it’s fine. We have no problem!!”

“Problem…? What problem do we have?”

She came closer to me, looked into my eyes. “Ashwin, now look. Don’t ask me questions. I like to ask questions but hate being questioned. Getting it?”

“Y…Yeah. OK”

“Cofffee…..”, I started.

“Yaar…shall I tell you something? Are you all right? In this flat, we have seen each other umpteen number of times. We have talked more than 1000 times. I smile when I see you, and you smile when you see me. I’m 22, sexy young, a girl next door. Now both of us in solitude in the same couch sitting side by side, Mom, away from home. I’ve come to your house. What else do you need?”.

Now what is this? Another  problem. Someone is keep bugging me from the morning. One man who tells he is God and talks crap, brings puppy from somewhere and let it lick. Now, this girl. By the time I was thinking this, she was totally close to me and there wasn’t a gap in between our shoulders. The door was locked and she was looking into my eyes.

***

Ramanan was very much tensed. The robot was not able to express the emotion that was expected. It was very difficult to generate this expression in code. 76 scientists have spent day and night writing program for simulating this expression. The emotion that needs to be generated to display this expression is first of all a herculean task for the programmers. The Biogene lab introduced new bio programmers who understand human physiology and psychology. The toughest task was to integrate the chip into the robot’s core processing unit, which houses the tissue which can be connected to a programmable memory and that can be cultured.

Only when the last expression is displayed and registered, the invention will be acknowledged for one of the India’s first Human Robot which can understand and has feelings similar to that of human beings. The fame and popularity that Ramanan would get out of this invention is unimaginable.

The whole team of scientist has been waiting for long time. They have changed the environment of interaction too. The change in the environment may give some change to the robot’s processor, to pick up some other expression from the expression_routine() which was defined in the ASM code. All of them again looked into the TFT screen.

***

For the first time, I held her body, put my hands around her hip and pulled her close to me. She sat on my lap turning to my side, facing each other in the couch, putting her arms around my neck. I could feel her breath warm in my nose. Morning weather was cold outside, the hug made some warmth in my upper part of my body. She wasn’t heavy. She was smiling like hell.

“Now what?…” I asked

“You naughty dog…asking me what uh?” she retorted mischievously.

I looked into her eyes. She was expecting me to do something. I’m supposed to things which will make her happy. I can feel the lust growing in her. She was humming a song. I turned her face towards me closer. Her nose hit mine. I can smell the Garnier Fructis Face wash neatly. My olfactory senses have become active now-a-days. I can feel the moisture of her lips thinning out in my neck, then in my chin and in my forehead. She was almost spreading into me like a creeper. I held face with both my hands and brought it closer to my face. Her lips were rose, soft and glossy. The hands automatically drew her near me and for the first time in my body, I could feel the adrenaline rush with great velocity and force. The hormones have started playing the big boy game. I held her face close to mine and planted a soft, profound kiss on her thick red little lips.  My nano tissues have registered an anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction first time.

Ramanan yelled, “Hurrraaaaay!!! SUCCESS. The robot has displayed the affection fantastically. That was a perfect kiss by a robot. Now iHuBot can understand each and every feeling of human being and can express its emotions through the actions such as crying, confusing, kissing and more.

TEST PASSED – He checked the check Box next to the emotion and expression validation test case.

***

I could still feel the voltage that generated impulses in my processor out of that kiss. But suddenly everything disappeared. The flat, Samyuktha, My Comp, House, Bed and everything vanished. I could see only a lab full of screens hanging all around me. Two personnel with white coat and head gear intact came near me and disconnected me from simulation test bed. The environment generation jack was disconnected and he opened my chest case. Pressed few buttons and the Central Processing Unit in my System was slowly going to standby state. The LEDs which were glowing bright were slowly getting dimmed and eventually went off. I stood still. Two automated hands came from the control panel area and lifted me and kept me with many of the test robots designed in the Biogene Human Incubation Research Lab.

The End !

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Another one of my conversations with friends (in this case a girl who shall remain unnamed). She is all ready to get married and is currently scouring matrimony sites with the enthusiasum usually reserved for business analysts, one day before they are to submit a path breaking, company defining report to the head of business development.

Me: So this guy.. he should be educated? – B-tech atleast  suppose?

She : Well im B-tech so he should be atleast one degree above me, preferably MS or MBA. (‘From a premier institute’ she adds after a moment)

Me: Ok

Me: Uh, how about height , weight etc

She: Tall, (taller than me of course <rolls eyes> ) and well, should be slim but not too slim..Atleast strong looking enough to make me feel secure..

Me: Sounds fine.

Me : (Obviously a link bait kind of  question) I guess he should earn more than you right?

She: Of course..He should because he has more experience than me, as he is older than me.

Me: (making an effort to mentally tabulate) : Ok so more age, more experience, more income..sounds reasonable

Me : So this guy, he should be better than you in every aspect right? – I mean more educated, taller, stronger, earning more income, more experi..(gets cut off in mid sentence)

She: Of course not, we are equals. Im not like these traditional women who remain subjugated to their husbands. I believe in equal rights because we are equal in all respects…

Me : (Bleary red eyes from the thinking) <blinks twice>, says nothing…

She (senses something is wrong) : Plus im making the effort to move into his life, which is a lot tougher for me…

Me: Starts playing solitaire on my laptop…..

She : Glares at me and then shifts back to filling up the search filter forms on keralamatrimony…

Go figure.

(disclaimer: Im not one of those male chauvinist pigs, neither a feminist supporter. I’am a woman worshipper (not the add -on-accessory kind of guy which you find occasionally with every group of girls), the kind who admires women who balance work and life, and positively think all mothers rock (in all sizes and shapes)

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Plus i think women are absolutely entitled to equal rights and protected from abuse. This is just a commentary on the state of the marriage ‘marketplace’ which seems similar to a stock market right now. We can just as well write a commentary on the male side of things.