This week at The Parking Lot Confessional we’re talking about how got where we are now.

I’m one of those people who always wanted to be a writer. My mom loves to tell of how I wrote stories when I was little. (She still has them.) I was an avid reader, gobbling up books faster than she could get me to the Book Mobile each week. During my high school years I wrote dreadful poetry. (Like, really dreadful.) In college, as an English major, I focused all of my papers on the lives of the authors behind the books I studied. When I look back now that makes sense: I was interested in the people who’d lived my dream. I even took an occasional creative writing elective.

But I never had the courage to change my major, to pursue writing. Writing wasn’t practical. “What would be your day job?” people would ask. So I stayed with the practical route, earning undergraduate and graduate degrees in Literature, with the intent of teaching.

Years passed and I became a career girl. I tucked my writing dream into a corner in the closet, and labeled it “Someday”.

Six years ago, Someday arrived.

I’d given up my career life for motherhood. My daughter was an infant, and I was battling postpartum depression. Every day felt like a struggle against a dark and miserable foe — myself. Part of my recovery involved making time to pursue those things I’d enjoyed before the depression hit. So I took time to dabble in art, to read, to enjoy beautiful things.

To write.

Just for myself. Little stories and poetry (still dreadful). The depression eventually lifted and I emerged from that dark period a new person.

I took my first bold step toward a writing career when I entered the 3-Day Novel contest in 2003. I locked myself away from my husband and baby for 72 hours and wrote my heart out. My first novel (novella, really). Talk about a rush! When I finished the final paragraph less than an hour before the midnight deadline, I bawled. Not to be corny about it, but it really was like giving birth. Giving life to my writing. Giving life back to myself.

I placed third in the contest.

I took that as an affirmation that, yes, I really was meant to be a writer. And to be a writer, I had to keep writing.

I delved into short stories (I’d given up the poetry by then…mostly) and began sending them out to literary journals in hopes they’d find homes. I didn’t really know what I was doing (as if I do now) but I met with some success. In that year, three stories were published in journals and a children’s story was published in an anthology.

In the years that followed, I had another child, faced another bout of PPD and — determined not to lose myself this time — began seeking out workshops and classes to learn what this writing thing was all about.

Always I kept writing, even beginning a couple of novels. Not having a clue what I was doing, though, they each fizzled out around page 50. I sought out a novel workshop, and landed in a class at Phoenix College, led by James Sallis.

Not only did I find there an incredible mentor, but I befriended a number of writers in the same place I was — navigating this writing life, determined not to give up, desperate to flesh out ideas into full-fledged stories.

I’m so grateful for The Parking Lot Confessional. I wouldn’t be where I am now without these good people. These encouragers. These friends who care enough to ask how often I’m keeping my butt in the chair and my fingers on the keyboard.

Now the focus of my Someday has changed from starting writing to getting published. I’m working everyday, getting my WIP (YA novel) ready to query. I’m researching agents and networking on Twitter and Facebook. Each day I take another step toward turning Someday into Today.

My hope is to encourage you with our sharing of information, of struggles, of rejections, of successes. My hope is that as you read my and the others’ entries, you’ll be inspired to turn your Somedays into Todays as well.

Today I said goodbye
It’s fucking killed me to say those words

I mean that, I will stay away
I mean that, I hope the very best for her
I mean that, I hope she will find happiness

And my heart breaks
And my soul weeps
And the vision of her
tear filled eyes
waving at me from her bedroom window
will haunt me
maybe for the rest of my life

What could be…
What should be…
manifest destiny…

So I prayed for her
Because I love Her
In a way I have never loved another.

Now I pray for me
that SOMEDAY

...In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

…art will be taught in grade school again.

…life will imitate art.

…artists won’t be depicted in the movies as drunks, druggies and weirdo’s.

…artists living in America will be able to support themselves with their art only and will not need a “day job”.

…the general public will buy real, handmade and original artist created art and not big store or “mall” art.

…artists will not be starving.

…art schools will be grounded in reality.

…the general public will buy art for its meaning and emotion and not because it matches the sofa.

…the “art world” will drop its self destructive, snobby-ness ways.

…artists will discover there are other colors of clothing to wear besides black.

…an artist won’t have to be dead to be famous.

…the idea of the reclusive artist will become the myth it is.

…an artist will be president.

…art gallery employees will acknowledge visitors when they walk in the door.

…artists will have more influence than politicians.

…there will be unique, artist made works of art in your home.

…painting will stop being labeled as ‘dead’.

…art critics will be required to be licensed and bonded.

…the art you create will be on the covers of art magazines.

…the art you create will be in art history books.

Someday… is a list of musings, thoughts, dreams, comments and observations that are at times intended to be humorous and at other times serious.  Many of these made their first appearance as tweets on my Twitter page.  This list will expand…someday.

To you:
Someday soon your soul will no longer be so restless,
You will have found everything you were searching for,
A second chance, just open your eyes and don’t be blind,
Someday soon your fire and drive will be notably more.

To me:
Someday soon I will catch those dreams I have been chasing,
I have finally been set free of everything that tied me,
My journey is continuous, and very far from over,
Someday soon my heart will give away its much guarded key.

To us:
Someday soon we will have forgotten about each other,
It is inevitable; so little time we seemed to share,
Being together never quite held its spark and shine,
Someday soon the heartfelt emotion will no longer be there.

Someday soon, realization will have set in.
Someday soon, we will know that everything fades.

Someday soon, we may understand.
Someday soon, the honesty will outweigh everything.

Someday soon, someday very soon.

Some may say it’s right not to be living in the past
You’re better off in future times ’cause they wil always last
But my lease will soon expire
And I see the dying fire
Though right now nothing’s wrong
And the flames are high and strong.

I’m sorry if I seem more jaded than is customary
But living in the future shows me meek from legendary
Right now we’re all the same
But some fall down the drain
And seeing who those part
Warning me, weighs down my heart.

My passion won’t stop burning until it to embers turns
But I’m not the kind of person who ever really learns …
The future isn’t bright
In fact, it’s bathed in filthy light
And seeing what may come
Makes me fear what will be done.

I’m sorry as I always am but this is what will be
I’ll stay with you awhile and one will set one free
Que sera sera she sang,
But that was in the past
I’ll soon be on my own again,
For moments never last.

A very talented 11 year old Lil Shin singing “Someday At Christmas”!

Each week as clothes get packed
Pillow and computer are put inside the car
I bundle myself for the cold ass drive back over the hill since my heater took a shit on me
And I drive
my heart beats with anticipation of seeing the one I love
(The one I love in a way that I cannot remember loving another)

I watch the GPS tick off the miles and my heart beats faster and faster
If I am lucky I get to see her at work
Take a break with her
listen to her talk, complain, laugh
I am overjoyed to just be with her

Then a time comes when we get to spend time together
Sometimes we can hardly wait to tear each other’s clothes off
Other times we sit and talk and smoke and laugh
And then the inevitable comes
I must leave
and my heart breaks
and her heart breaks
and the world is a shitty place to be
I always look for her in the window
Imagine I am coming home to her instead of leaving

And this week
as I drove back over the hill
with every mile that the GPS ticked off
my heart shrank a little
cracks formed like a windshield chip on a hot summer’s day
My heart was breaking because I want her here with me
I want the girls with us
I want us to be
to live life
to love
to listen

and whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder makes me want to punch them right in their fucking face because for me
Distance makes my heart hurt

and the only thing that makes it better is proximity to the one I love (SOMEDAY)

It is my heart
and I usually protect it
It has it’s own case
up high on that shelf
Sure you can see it
Some even admire it

The truth is…
very few get close enough to examine it
see it for what it truly is
it is soft and squishy
it is tough and calloused
it has holes that once were love
it has been dropped and broken
glued back together but not quite right

And this heart of mine
is floating
outside of me
captured by another
I NEVER meant for it to happen
I thought I had it safe
I thought I controlled the key
I thought that if someone else looked
they would be repulsed
turn away from its softness
turn away from its hardness
turn away from it’s brokenness
but that was not the case

And now this heart that feels so right
also causes so much pain
for her
for her family

and if I was stronger (which I am not)
I would take my heart and run
I’d go back to the way it was
comfortable but not fun
convenient but not challenging
first but not right
promised but not fulfilled

But I can’t…not yet
and hopefully
happiness
will
come
and
SOMEDAY
I/WE will feel better
and maybe they will quit hating US
and maybe we will quit hating ourselves
for letting our hearts tangle
get connected
because our hearts say yes
when our heads say no

But for now
My heart aches (and so does my soul)

Firstly, I’d like to note that I am a member of Generation X. I say this because many of the bands that have made an impact on me came out of the 90s e.g. hearing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (on the charts!) for the first time or seeing You Am I live during my first week at Uni.  This is not to say that “things aren’t as good as they used to be” (though in my head this may be the case). It’s just that it’s often the music that makes an impact on you in your late teens/early 20s that stay with you.  Nostalgia, I guess they call it. But now it’s time for some Noughtstalgia. I have done my best to keep this list contemporary and not include too many relics from the 90s in the list, but there are a lot of bands (e.g. Animal Collective, Panda Bear, Grizzly Bear – basically any band with an animal in the title. And I am not a member of the religion that is Radiohead) loved by Gen Y that I just don’t get and I’m probably not supposed to.

There are those who say that compiling lists like this is foolish and you can’t place a numerical value on music, etc. etc. and I understand this view. But the order of these songs have not been painstakingly assembled and it’s not overly important. Here are 30 songs that I like that have been released (not necessarily as singles) in the last 10 years. Think of it as a mix tape that I have compiled for your (ok, mainly my) listening pleasure.  

Oh, Dang! I forgot Bob Dylan! And Sonic Youth..and…Arcade Fire…and..

#30 “Someday” The Strokes (2002)

It has been uncool to like this rich pretty boy band.  But The Strokes were the first band to break into the mainstream as part of the turn-of-the-millennium garage rock revival trend and as the decade ends, they are getting recognised for this. And if you twisted my arm really violently, I’d even admit to liking them.

This video clip features Slash. Slash is cool. Isn’t he?

#29 “Tiger Mountain Peasant Song” Fleet Foxes (2008)

This song muses on mortality with an ethereal melody and vocal that is pure and peaceful. I wish them all the best for their “difficult second album.”

The cover art to their debut album is of the 1559 painting Netherlandish Proverbs by Pieter Bruegel the Elder. Beat that for retro.

#28 “Pass The Hatchet, I Think I’m Goodkind” Yo La Tengo (2006)

There’s nothing like a raucous, 10-minute, 3-piece jam to open an album. Especially when that album is a double album called “I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Beat Your Ass.”

We should never take Yo La Tengo for granted.

#27 “Some Summers They Drop Like Flys” Dirty Three (2000)

Horse Stories is great and the instrumental concept album Ocean Songs is even better. But Whatever You Love, You Are was this Melbourne band’s finest effort at combining spontaneous raw emotion with well-crafted melodies. The distinctly Aussie-titled Some Summers They Drop Like Flys is a good example of this.

This video gives you a hint of how great they are live.

#26 “Change Is Hard” She & Him (2008)

Dear God. Please help. I’m under the spell of Zooey Deschanel. Her eyes make me melt. I hear her sing and I turn to liquid. Please cure me of this relentless affliction. Love, Simon.

It has been requested that I start a “baby journal” blog. I suppose I should, because many kind people have inquired as to my status, and the baby’s. To be quite honest, the thought of having a baby journal ran through my mind during the beginning of my pregnancy, and the reason why I didn’t start one sooner was because I felt I might complain too much. It has been an immensely difficult pregnancy, and the only joy I’ve had out if it so far has been feeling the baby kick. Other than that, I havent had much to rave about and have therefore refrained from publicly posting my complaints . But I will try my best to NOT complain, and please let me know if I do it too much!

I started feeling the baby kick around 16 weeks. I wasn’t expecting it so soon, and that morning as I lay lazily in bed, the large “bubbles” in my belly were a too strong to be anything else. My 12 year old sister had slept over and was next to me in bed. She put her hand to my belly and felt it, and during the whole day, my little one was active. I was under the impression that since it was 16 weeks and pretty early, I would feel it that morning, and perhaps not feel it again for a while. I was wrong! I have felt it strongly every day since then.

Feeling the baby kick has been the only thing about this pregnancy to make me smile (except for knowing that someday in the future, I will have a baby to hold). I loved to hold my hand to my belly, and was (and am) always reluctant to let go or stand up. It surprised me every time I was able to feel the baby twirl or sommersault instead of kick (and be able to tell the difference!).

Now, I can feel the baby sitting up, and even standing up! It is amazing to me. Unfortunately for me, the baby’s kicks are becoming stronger…and he or she often likes to kick my poor bladder or bone. Its twirls are more strange-feeling, since the baby is bigger!! But I still feel it often every single day, and I’d take 100 kicks to the bladder any day to know my baby is alive and well.

I read that the baby is starting to hear now. I tell Eric that once the baby comes out, it will recognize Eric by his voice, and me by smell and voice. Eric will put his head to my belly and talk to the child. Often, he calls it “Lyddie,” because if it is a girl, we plan to call it Lydia. He is silly, and I’d rather find our for sure before he does that! But I’m sure the baby will know his voice. He has poked my belly twice before, and both times the baby kicked him back!

Whew, what a long post! Thanks for sticking through the whole thing if you have! I will try to post again soon.

The moon rose big and round over the hills
It was as if it were smiling on me
Or maybe taunting

I said Your name to it
Hoping that You would hear it
I thought of the moon’s round perfection
and thought of Your eyes looking adoringly at me
The globe reminded me of Your breasts that look so perfect to me
Your ass cheeks that fit perfectly in my hands
Your hips and the beautiful curves I see when I can
and picture in my mind all the time we are apart

I thought of the future
of SOMEDAY
when we could stand outside on a warm summer’s night
naked before each other and the world beneath the same full moon
soul’s bared to one another as our bodies now are

I know the fog is obscuring the moon for You right now
and there is a fog over the future
But from were I am sitting and looking

things are clear and bright

Seriously, i won’t dwell on the maybes, nor will I wait with bated breath. Someone out there is observing quietly. And the only thing I can do now is perfect myself and go “Ah…that’s the one” when the time comes x)

Gorgeous.

I am thankful for:

The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
My children (even though they drive me crazy sometimes)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
My church (the patience I am afforded)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
My friends (there are a few people who REALLY know me)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
My mentors (for investing in me)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
My mentees (because I consider it a great gift to have invested in their lives)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
Pepperoni Pizza (because it has all 4 food groups – dairy from cheese, vegetable from the sauce, meat from the pepperoni, and bread from the crust)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)
Beer (liquid bread – need I say more?)
The love of a wonderful woman (looking for SOMEDAY)

For these things I am thankful

by Gary Ewer, from “The Essential Secrets of Songwriting” website.
FOLLOW Gary on Twitter, for songwriting tips and news.
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Rob Thomas’ latest single, “Someday”, from his “Cradlesong” album, features at least a couple of techniques that will interest songwriters. One is the concept of introducing a new melody as a “replacement chorus” in the latter half of a song; another is the overlaying of a persistent melodic fragment that could be best described as a “melodic badge.”

First, here’s a look at the song’s formal design:

FORM

Let’s deal with the new melody introduced in the last minute of the song. It is introduced at the 2′ 50″ mark, and provides the song with a great variation on the typical verse – chorus – bridge format. It would be typical (and perhaps too predictable?) to simply repeat the chorus again. It’s likely that after three renditions of the song’s chorus, the writers felt there was nothing much new that could be done to it, and keeping the song fresh was a concern. In such a circumstance, developing a new melody based on the old harmonic progression was a small stroke of genius.

MELODY

The song uses a background melodic figure, first presented in the introduction, as a type of musical adhesive, drawing the various formal elements together. The figure plays on three notes of the Bbsus4 chord, never really resolving (you might expect to hear the Eb from that chord resolve downward to D, but doesn’t happen), and this lack of tonal resolution imbues it with a strong sense of forward motion. Because it does its work mostly in the background, it can be thought of as a kind of musical “badge” rather than a hook pre se. And because the figure never develops or changes in any way, it would not be proper to think of it as a motif.

HARMONY

Except for the bridge, the song uses the same I – IV – ii progression (Bb Eb Cm) throughout. Harmonic fatigue is a risk if you choose to use the same chords, but you can combat this by moving the melodic plateau higher for the chorus. The melody for the verse dwells on the 3rd of the key (the D in the key of Bb major), while the chorus constantly hits on the note F.

So the compositional devices that songwriters should make note of that make this song work are:

1. Use of a melodic badge that provides cohesion throughout the song, remaining constant regardless of the changing harmonies beneath it.
2. Use of a unique melody introduced in the latter half of a song that provides something novel and fresh, useful especially when the harmonic treatment of the verse and chorus are identical.
3. Use of plateau pitches that provide a foundation for the notes of the melody to focus on, moving upward as the song moves from the verse to the chorus.

The real beauty of “Someday”, and the techniques used, is the simplicity of the final product. It’s a reminder that great songs are measured in how individual elements support each other, and that most songs do quite well with just a touch of innovation and a healthy dose of predictable structure.
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someday
you’re going to close your eyes
and think of me
and remember how i loved you
simply for who you were
and not because i wanted anything from you

you’ll realize that although i wasn’t crafty enough
to have a script written from day one
i probably should have
because i was willing
to take the hard road for you
all along

i know i’ll always wonder
if it would have made a difference
if you had known that
i had already taken the first steps down that path
while you weren’t looking
not “for” you
because i had said i would never do that
but for you, anyway
but i couldn’t tell you because
i didn’t want to be the one to impact your decisions

but you’ll wonder, too
what could have been
and thoughts of me will cross your mind
at the most inopportune times
and though you’ll push them away
like you’ve become so good at doing
they’ll always come back

someday
you’ll close your eyes
and think of me with regret
maybe not for the choices you made
but for the things you didn’t say
and the chances you missed
to make it right
before it was too late

someday
i think
you’ll wish i was there
instead
©

#176 – Sugar Ray – “Someday” – (1999)

“Every Morning” was the more popular single from 14:59 but I like “Someday” better (the least of which not being the fact it didn’t suffer from over-exposure like “Every Morning” did). It also just feels ‘more 90s’ – whatever that means. If you’re a Sugar Ray fan, you can give the we’re-trying-too-hard “Falls Apart” a go if you want.