With Nine, Rob Marshall proves that you shouldn’t try to recreate your past triumphs because it just won’t work.  There’s a reason lightning doesn’t strike the same spot twice, but he tried anyhow and in doing so makes Nine look like nothing more than a Chicago wannabe or at the very least, the leftovers.

Ignoring the fact that doing Nine was going to tag him as a “one trick pony” he could have avoided that route and really challenge himself with the material, but he chooses to be a lazy filmmaker and simply utilized the same gimmick that propelled Chicago to so much acclaim, and gave audiences a way to follow the story and enjoy characters suddenly bursting into singing and dancing.  The dance & song numbers are all part of Guido’s (Daniel Day-Lewis) daydreaming just as in Chicago they happened within Roxie’s (Renee Zellweger) mind.  The only problem is that they aren’t as coherent/don’t segue into the story as streamlined and well, they aren’t as sexy/campy/fun as they were in Chicago.

I don’t know anything about Nine the stage musical except for the footnotes of how it all came to be, so I can’t really judge the movie version strengths but I doubt it lives up to it.  Also, the songs itself are as instantly catchy; they don’t have that lasting impression factor.

Another thing the movie has going on against it is the amount of characters and their screen time.  In Chicago, the bulk of the singing was done by Renee, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Richard Gere, and they also carried the movie. With Nine, the movie belongs to Daniel Day-Lewis completely; everyone else has minor roles that limit them to one musical number a piece with the exception of Marion Cotillard who gets two.  So it plays more like a revolving door and doesn’t give you time to care about them in general, they are shiny, pretty, sexy props to the rest of the production.  And those musical numbers just aren’t as lively as they should have been.  Penelope Cruz gets the sultriest of them and yet not seductive enough, Fergie and Kate Hudson get the loudest, fastest, liveliest, with Kate’s ending up being just flashy, while Fergie’s works the most because her strong vocals carries it to an almost exciting level. There’s nothing remarkable about Nicole Kidman’s or Sophia Loren’s which are quiet and understated, while Judi Dench’s tries to be fun and it’s just mildly amusing. Marion Cotillard’s gets the most serious one as the done-wrong wife and she carries them well and gives them the exact amount of attitude; she’s the only one who sort of acted through her numbers instead of just “performing” them and therefore made them better.

There’s really no acting require on this one, Marion and Daniel have the most non-singing scenes. Marion does her part well while Daniel gives the role some gravitas (how could he not?) unfortunately (the man is fantastic, uber talented and I could marry him but) singing is sadly not part of his arsenal of strong skills.  He isn’t bad, just average and you can hear his numbers would have benefit from a stronger more assure voice.  He sounded a lot like Ralph Fiennes did on Dreamworks’ The Prince of Egypt, to give you and idea.  Ralph came off better only because his voice suited those songs, on Daniel’s case they really don’t. Which is a let down because Rob Marshall kept Daniel’s singing from the trailers because he claimed it was the film’s secret weapon and he wanted audiences to be blown by it upon viewing.

In the end, it wasn’t a bad film at all, just not unforgettable or lots of fun. It doesn’t add or takes away from anyone involve in it with the exception of Rob Marshall who’s really gonna have to do a 180 if he wants to prove he’s more than a one trick pony.  Grade: C+

By Cynthia Citron

LOS ANGELES — Film critics have been brutally dismissive of Rob Marshall’s new film “Nine.”  (It received only a 38% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.)  So I have to tell you, I LOVED it!
 
Based on Federico Fellini’s surrealistic and autobiographical 1963 film “8 1/2,” and the 1982 Broadway musical “Nine,” this new production “kicks ass,” as they say.  Who knew Daniel Day-Lewis could sing?  Usually cast as an intense, brooding, driven man (he won his second Oscar for his leading role in “There Will Be Blood”), he is true to character in “Nine,” but with a sizable difference.  In “Nine” he is also a womanizer, a narcissist,  and a physically versatile and vigorous “star” in the grand sense of the word.
 
But who wouldn’t be a womanizing narcissist when surrounded by a bevy of adoring females: Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, and, as his overindulgent mother, the still gorgeous Sophia Loren?
 
Judi Dench, playing a Miss Moneypenny role to Day-Lewis’ 007, is a particular standout as she fronts a fan-waving chorus for the song and dance number “Folies Bergeres.”  Clad in sequins and top hat, Dame Judi looks about half her age (she turned 75 earlier this month).  As Day-Lewis’ friend and confidante, she tries to help him through a major meltdown as he goes through a midlife crisis, writer’s block, and existential ennui.  Worse still, he has amassed a huge cast and crew, and is conducting press conferences to promote a film he hasn’t conceived yet—let alone written!
 
As in all the previous versions of this autobiographical tale, Day-Lewis spends a great deal of time in his past.  From the hectic and vividly colored present he escapes into the richly shadowed black and white of his boyhood—a truly Felliniesque vision of a young man with an incestuous passion for his mother and a lively fantasy world peopled by aggressively sexual women.
 
Despite his cavalier attitude toward the women who adore him, Guido Contini (Day-Lewis) is a charmer who manages to keep them all in his orbit.  Until they start to fall away, one by one, and he must face his own self-absorbed behavior and decide what is really important.  The fairy-tale ending is thoroughly satisfying, as are the scenes set in a lush nighttime Rome, and the song-and-dance numbers by each of the women.  Also especially wonderful is the boy who plays the Young Guido, a soulful Giuseppe Spitaleri, wistful, wide-eyed, and winsome.  And seemingly a far cry from the selfish egotist he is to become.
The songs by Jewish songwriters Arthur Kopit and Maury Yeston are wonderful—you’ll struggle for at least a week to get “Be Italian!” out of your head—and the dancing is lively and fun.  Not quite Bob Fosse or Michael Bennett in originality, the choreography benefits from a helping hand from Tommy Tune, who is thanked in the screen credits.  Also remembered in the credits is the late Anthony Minghella, who wrote the screenplay with Michael Tolkin.

I don’t know what the movie critics were expecting from director Rob Marshall, who stayed very close to the previous versions of “8 ½” in this dynamic musical.  They didn’t like his version very much.  But as far as I’m concerned this film, “Nine,” is definitely a 10.
 
It opened wide around the country on Christmas Day.

*
Citron is Los Angeles bureau chief for San Diego Jewish World

Nine is Rob Marshall and Harvey Weinstein’s latest crack at the Oscar big time and once again, it is an adaptation of a Tony award winning musical of the same name, loosely based on the life and work of acclaimed Italian neo-realist director Federico Fellini.

Daniel Day-Lewis plays Guido Contini, an Italian film director beloved by all but suffering in the creative process. His previous two films have been flopped and whilst everyone still loves Contini, it is a widely acknowledged fact that he is not as good as he used to be. As one journalist puts it “everyone makes their best work before they get famous, now you are famous have you run out of things to say?” Adding to Contini’s troubles are the numerous women in Contini’s life – his wife, Luisa (Marion Cotillard); his mistress, Carla (Penelope Cruz); his lead actress and muse, Claudia Jenssen (Nicole Kidman); his costumier and confidant, Lili (Judi Dench); a fashion journalist, Stephanie (Kate Hudson); his mother (Sophia Loren) and his earliest memory of womanhood, Saraghina (Fergie). Each of these women orbit Contini like planets around the sun having different effects on Guido’s own trajectory.

Nine is a film of contradictions in that it is both a breath of fresh air and a retread of old musical film making. Following Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and Mamma Mia! from last year, it is nice to be able to enjoy a movie musical where all of the cast are able singers and there are no real singing disasters. However, on the other hand, it is disappointing that there is very little new in Nine. Rob Marshall who directed Oscar-winner Chicago uses all of the same techniques as with his previous foray into musical films with the dream/inner imagination technique being used for most, if not all of the musical numbers. It feels old hat and when contrasted with the more serious elements of the film doesn’t work to the same effect.

There are a number of elements of this film which do, however, work well. Whilst it might seem odd to say that someone like Daniel Day-Lewis is a revelation in this film but his performance as Italian director, Contini, is remarkable for his ability to make his Italian accent utterly convincing throughout the film and for his singing ability which is very good indeed. It is a likeable performance whether being seduced, escaping the papparazzi or wallowing in self pity. As wife Luisa, Marion Cotillard is his equal and brings a much needed vulnerability and understated grace in a film filled with screen sirens and makes an interesting counterpoint to Penelope Cruz’s highly sexual and vixen-like performance. In my opinion, this is Cotillard’s finest ever big screen performance and one which deserves to be recognised come Oscar time. Other female performers have far smaller roles such as Cruz, Kidman, Loren and Fergie but do well with what they are given. Somewhere in the middle is Kate Hudson, far better than she was in “comedy” Bride Wars but a better singer than actress. Sadly (and unusually) the weak link is Judi Dench, arriving on screen in a manner which is reminiscent of Marlene Dietrich’s gran and singing in a bizarre thick but unrecognisable foreign accent.

The tension between the tender scenes between Day-Lewis and Cotillard and the more flamboyant scenes such as songs like Be Italian and Cinema Italiano mean that it is almost like watching two films melded uncomfortably together which is a shame because as scenes in their own right, many of the films and pieces of music work but don’t make a coherent whole. It may be as subtle as a sledgehammer but it is fun. Having said that, if you don’t like musicals, this won’t change your mind about the genre.

7/10

SHERLOCK HOLMES

(20^th Century Fox) Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, Eddie Marsan, Kelly Reilly, James Fox, Geraldine James, Robert Maillet. Directed by Guy Ritchie

This is the latest re-imagining of the Arthur Conan Doyle character. Here, director Ritchie (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) gives Holmes a more action-adventure bent as the legendary detective and his faithful companion Dr. Watson take on an evil noble with the fate of the very British Empire at stake!

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG-13 (for intense sequences of violence and action, some startling images and a scene of suggestive material)

It’s Complicated

(Universal) Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, John Krasinski. A woman who’s husband left her for a younger woman (which he later married) finds herself in the odd position of having an affair with her ex-husband. That’s right, now she’s the other woman…only she was there first. It’s all so…so…complicated. Say, wait a minute…(please note that the studio has appealed the MPAA’s “R” rating and is looking to get a more reasonable PG-13).

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: R (for some drug content and sexuality. PENDING APPEAL)

Nine

(Weinstein) Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Penelope Cruz. Director Rob Marshall, an Oscar winner for Chicago, revisits the Broadway musical with this big screen version of a 1982 Tony winner based on Federico Fellini’s notorious film 8 ½. The story revolves around a famous film director reaching a personal crisis of epic proportions while balancing the women in his life.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG-13 (for sexual content and smoking)

The Young Victoria

(Apparition) Emily Blunt, Rupert Friend, Miranda Richardson, Paul Bettany. A chronicle of the turbulent early years of the legendary English queen’s reign, and of her romance with Prince Albert of Prussia. This features an all-star cast of respected British thespians, too many to list in this preview.

See the trailer here.

For more on the movie this is the website.

Rating: PG (for some mild sensuality, a scene of violence, and brief incidental language and smoking)

SINCE THIS IS A REVIEW THERE ARE PROBABLY SPOILERS!!!

The show “Nine” first appeared on Broadway in 1982, but the composer, Maury Yeston, started composing the music in 1973 as a part of the Lehman Engel’s BMI Musical Theatre Workshop. Yeston describes the workshop as one that “was designed primarily as a symposium for writers of theatre songs. Composers-lyricists were urged to adapt pieces that could allow expansion of plot, character, and place, since musicals often flourish from the need to change, enlarge, and re-order the works that inspire them.” Yeston looked to Fellini’s incredible film “8 ½” as his inspiration.

Understanding the source of the music, it is easier to understand why certain songs in the show feel a little oddly placed, as they were apparently written before the actual book/script had been formed. As a result, some of the songs simply do not feel like organic, and instead feel like they are added for no other reason than the fact that they were written when the show was only a concept.

The movie “Nine” does a good job of editing out many of these songs, but the new songs which are added seem to be worse than the ones they removed. In addition, the numerous changes to the script/plot do not help make the show more interesting, rather they actually make it more boring. I never felt the original plot to “Nine” was particularly strong, but I did feel it was charming. A more modern Casanova tale where a man is juggling so many women that he eventually loses them all is entertaining, and the show was an excellent vehicle for women, as each character has a big song and dance to give before the final curtain. Rob Marshall’s film only makes one woman stand out, and it is frighteningly enough Stacy Ferguson, better known as Fergie, who gives a performance which is so incredible that the audience, me included, actually applauded at the end. I have to admit, I didn’t really think Fergie was ever worthy of public attention, but this film has certainly made me a fan. Her voice, choreography, and acting truly embody the idea of her character, and it was very clear that, although she made it look easy, Fergie worked very hard to make her 5 minutes of screen time the best 5 minutes in the entire film.

This is not to say that the other women in the film are bad, no one is truly bad, they are simply either boring or unimpressive. Nicole Kidman’s performance is lovely, and it is a little funny that her character is rejecting being cast in the role that she always plays. I felt that Nicole Kidman truly connected with her character, and the rather extreme key change to a much lower register for her song made it both sexier and easier to understand. The problem is, Kidman is barely on screen, and therefore what little work she does seems rather unimportant. I find it odd that Marshall went this route, as Kidman’s character in the play is much larger, and in this respect I wonder why he strayed from the script if he was not going offer anything more interesting. Kidman’s exit is not big enough, so there is no reason the audience feels they should care about her. One wonders why she arrived and sang in the first place.

Penelope Cruz as Carla was an excellent choice, as Cruz has made a career out of playing love crazed foreigners. Unfortunately, despite Cruz giving a rather good performance in her seduction song “A Call From the Vatican” it is not as impressive as Jane Krakowski’s version. Cruz certainly has help from musical engineering, pitch correction etc., whereas Krakowski was able to sing the same without help, include humor as well as seduction, and actually end up upside down to boot. Since Cruz did not having the burden of singing live, I expected more, but was given less.

Judi Dench does a fine job of singing “Folies Bergeres” and her somewhat seductive costume is impressively donned by the Dame. Unfortunately, Dench is not really able to pull of being French. So her performance, while good overall, is somewhat confusing due to the fact she doesn’t seem to be the Frenchwoman she is supposed to be.

Kate Hudson sings and plays her part fine. The criticism that it is a bit superficial and hollow is kind of dumb, because that is what she is singing about and is relevant to the character she is playing. To that end, Kate Hudson does great, but it is hard to applaud someone for acting like a vapid superficial person, no matter how well they do it.

Sophia Loren doesn’t actually sing the song “Nine”, but does sing. She gives a performance which is nice to watch, but the changes in the script seem weaken the importance of her character a great deal.

And finally, there is Marion Cotillard, who does a fine job, but could have done better. Cotillard truly gets the audiences attention, and is probably the only person in the show who keeps it. Cotillard plays Luisa, the wife of Guido (Daniel Day-Lewis), who is trying to figure out whether or not she can continue to love a man who runs around with his mistress and promises to change but never does. Cotillard’s first song is captivating, and although I prefer Mary Stuart Masterson’s version, Cotillard’s version is equally touching. Marshall’s changes to the script make Guido’s betrayal of Luisa even more painful to watch (a woman actually gasped in the theatre when it happened), but takes Luisa to a completely different place. Instead of finally being the one woman who fights back (in the song Be On Your Own), she self-destructs instead. Both point out that what Guido does to women is intolerable, but self destruction does not seem to work as well. In addition, Luisa seems to recover too well, too fast, and potentially forgive too easily.

Daniel Day-Lewis is fine, but is not overly impressive. His singing is adequate, and he manages to sing an incredible final note in his first song (which makes one wonder why he doesn’t sing much in the film). The problem is, what little plot “Nine” had, is weakened by all of the changes in the film, and as a leading man who is barely ever off screen, it is hard not to blame him for the fact the movie feels long and boring in spots. I don’t think it is so much his fault as it is the director, but it is hard not to blame him. Thus I found his performance merely adequate.

Rob Marshall’s film is not a bad one, it is simply a film with wonderful moments and a lot of time in between. Marshall’s eye for gorgeous aesthetics is still present, and I would say that the film looks good from beginning to end. I would recommend seeing it, but not having high expectations. The best reason to go is to experience Fergie’s incredible performance on a big screen with wonderful sound. That should tell you whether or not you want to see this film.

If anyone is interested in the real plot I’d be happy to share I reread my copy of the script before writing this review

Here is the trailer for the upcoming musical film ‘Nine’ starring Daniel Day – Lewis, Judi Dench, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Sophia Loren, Kate Hudson and Fergie.

The film film be released on boxing day and is direted by Rob Marshall.

Happy kickoff to the last weekend before Christmas.  Did you finish your shopping?  Or, are you, like an awful lot of people I know (and perhaps I include myself here) just beginning to make that list before checking it twice?  Fortunately, shopping opportunities abound AND you can STILL cast your vote for the People’s Choice Awards’ Best New TV Comedy and Best New TV Drama.  Now if it’s movies you’re in the mood for this weekend, look no further because several big ones are in theatres today, some of which have already claimed their share of Golden Globe nominations.  We have the musical Nine starring Daniel Day-Lewis as a famous Italian director who cannot seem to keep the various hot and frequently demanding women in his life apart.  The women include everyone from Marion Cotillard to Sophia Loren to Penelope Cruz & Fergie.  (What a mess he’s gotten himself into).  Then we have Jeff Bridges giving the performance of his life as a washed-up country music artist in the  film Crazy Heart, which will almost certainly garner its star an Academy Award nomination.  Perhaps you’ll check out Emily Blunt in The Young Victoria (that’s a period piece with lots of Oscar buzz for the young Miss Blunt, who is scheduled to become Mrs. John Krasinski in real life).  Maybe you’ll catch Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant in Did You Hear About The Morgans?, about an estranged couple forced to enter the witness protection program — together.  Or, maybe you’ll go and see what’s  turning out to be the most expensive movie ever made, and the one which may very well make more money than any before it.  Ever. This would be James Cameron’s latest,  Avatar, which has been 10 years in the making.  It’s about a soldier who travels to another planet in order to mine precious life-giving ore, only to fall in love.  Featuring the most sophisticated computer special effects of all time.  Will you see it?  I am curious, and given James Cameron’s reputation, it’s likely to be pretty epic.  Which naturally got me wondering about other James Cameron films, and of course therein a poll was born. So why not voice your choice in today’s featured poll and tell us which James Cameron film is your favorite?

1) The Terminator

2) Aliens

3) Titanic

4) Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
You’re supposed to be the IT person, so fix the damned computers!

Can you take a bra off with one hand?
LOL…  never tried. Is it difficult?

Last furry thing you touched:
A german shepard. A big one. Thank goodness she’s friendly.

Spell your name without vowels:
Jmm Rvs

Do you wanna get married anytime soon?
No, I’m too young to get married.

Have you ever kissed someone in a band?
He used to be in a band, does that count?

When you looked in the mirror today, what was your first thought?
Who is that old man, and where is he hiding me?

Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?
Some things I would, but things have changed a lot in the world, and I’m a different person than they were.

Have you ever been caught dancing like a fool?
Anybody who dances with me is a fool.  But we’ve not been caught, so far.  Last year in Vegas remains in Vegas.

What kind of drunk are you?
Non-sequiter. Your facts are uncoordinated.

Why do guys act jerks around the person they have a crush on?
This is a rather sexist question.  And from careful observation of straight women, it’s because they only respond to the jerks, despite always complaining that there aren’t any good men.  That’s OK, though. It just leaves the good ones for me. I just have to get them to come over to the dark side.

If you woke up to a shark in your bath tub, what would you do?
Go back to sleep, since this is obviously some strange dream.  No more pb/j sandwiches right before bed!

If women ruled the world would there be more peace?
Are you kidding?  Have you ever seen women fight?  The first time they started a war, it would be the end of the world!  Nuclear armed women would be the end of humanity. “OH NO SHE DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!!!” Red button pushed… boom!

What’s your favorite zoo animal?
Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my.

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
Nope.  There’s a project for someone.

Do you have a significant other?
Yes.  He’s very significant.

Do you have big dreams for your life?
Not really.  It’s always interesting to see what’s going to happen next.  The last few years have been interesting, the next few should be, too.

Are you donating your organs?
Not until I don’t need them anymore.  I’m kinda selfish that way.

Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
I don’t recall that.  My memory is not clear on that incident.

Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth?
Oh, hell no.  I didn’t even curse in their presence till I was almost 30!

Have you ever told a girl/boyfriend you loved them but didn’t mean it?
No.  I have the opposite problem.  I wait too long to say it.  Getting better about it, though.

When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
1991 or thereabouts.  School bully.  I resisted.  He’s dead now.  I still didn’t do it.

Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
Yes.  Helping people.

What does your middle name mean?
“He will add”  that does not refer to math, I’m pretty sure.

What was the last fruit you ate?
Banana

Are you currently wearing socks?
Yes.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
The nuts at work.  We’re really being a bad example to the trainees.

Will you be over 21 in 3 years?
LOL  I’ve been over 21 for 31 years!

Who ended your last relationship?
He did.

Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you?
No.  Wait… define “dated”.

How much did you spend the last time you bought something?
$5.43

Were you in a relationship this time 2 years ago?
No

If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?
Do they make it back to Earth? Does Eli get the girl?  Is Scott secretly gay?

Who was the last person you spent more than 15 minutes on the phone with?
Ted

How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled, or fried in a sandwich with mustard.

Have you been swimming in the last six months?
Yes.  Last summer.  Sanger, QueerNetworks pool party.

How often do you read the newspaper?
Every weekday.  Three of them.  Visalia Times Delta, Fresno Bee, Los Angeles Times.

Have you ever known someone who died on your birthday?
No. That would just be rude. Don’t anybody do that.

You just caught your bf/gf kissing someone of the same sex. Reaction?
Are you going to share??

What are the last three letters of your last name?
ves

You found out you have to put down your pet. Are you crying about it?
Been there, done that.

Do you know someone with the same birthday as you?
I don’t know her, but Sophia Loren is one.

Your bed is missing. Where’d it go?
Aliens beamed it up.  They love waterbeds, too.

Table for eight and you’re cooking. What’s for dinner?
Steaks, french bread, salad, corn, baked potato, desert.

The last person you hugged admits to liking you. What is your response?
I already knew that.  I like him back.

Reach your right arm out. What do you touch?
Computer rack unit.

Are you wearing a hat right now?
No.

Who was the last person you high-fived?
One of the guys at the bowling ally.  Rainbowlers.

How do you make money?
I tell cops where to go.

Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? ‘
W-T-F? That would be a peanut butter butter and jelly sandwich. A bit redundant.

Is anyone in your family blind?
Not visually, no.

If you could transform into something, What would that something be?
Brad Pitt

Opinion on heroin?
Stupid is as stupid does.

You’re opening up a restaurant. What do you call it?
Jimmie’s

What are your plans for tomorrow afternoon?
None.  I’ll let the universe decide for me.

Kiss me?
Probably not.  Luis doesn’t share.

If you woke up to a dolphin in your bath tub, what would you do?
Ask him what the hell is he doing in my bathtub, and what is that gawd-awful smell?

Do you smoke in your car?
Smoking is not allowed. Period. End of story.

What is something you need to do within the next two hours?
Sleep.

You have to write a story for english, due tomorrow. What do you write?
Some witty and humorous remarks on my deep understanding of the human condition. Or a bad Star Trek story.

How do you think everyone will act when 2013 comes and the world’s fine?
Like they never believed anything would happen to begin with.  Just like they’ve done a million times before.

Do you watch the Spike Video Game Awards?
The what?

What kind of kid were you when you were seven?
Skinny. Shy. Curious.

Do you always eat those mints you get at some restaurants?
Sometimes.

Do you read the CD liner notes?
CD’s have liner notes?

Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it?
Everything.  I’m a font of spectacular proportions.  Just ask me.

Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now?
I ordered it through Ted’s computer business.

If you could shapeshift into anybody, who would it be and why?
Brad Pitt. And if you have to ask why, then you wouldn’t understand.

Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons?
Why would you? Wouldn’t that be like comparing the Jetson’s to Ren and Stimpy?

Will you miss CDs if they end up going obsolete? Why or why not?
Yeah, just like I miss 8 tracks.

If you got the chance to go to Fantasy Island, what would your fantasy be?
To fly to the ISS.

Can you tell the difference between a bluebird and a blue jay without pics?
Well of course.  One’s a bird, and one’s a jay. Simple.

Do you tend to feel sorry for the villain of a story/TV show/movie/etc.?
Like Darth Vader?  He went bad because he couldn’t save his mother? Like that?

What was your favourite Christmas movie as a child?
Miracle on 34th Street

Would you ever date someone who had an STD, if they were honest and safe?
Sure.

Are you an oldest, youngest, middle or only child?
Oldest

If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose?
That particular hour is classified.  Sorry.

Do you think animals have a sense of humor?
Cats certainly do.  Dogs, probably too.  Just look at what they put up with.

If you could go back in time to another decade, which one would you choose?
The sixties.

Are you proud of your hometown, or do you try to distance yourself from it?
It’s a good town.  There are plenty a lot worse, and closeby.

Ok, end of this survey.  Blame them on my nieces, I usually see them as a result of their taking and posting them.

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
You’re supposed to be the IT person, so fix the damned computers!

Can you take a bra off with one hand?
LOL…  never tried. Is it difficult?

Last furry thing you touched:
A german shepard. A big one. Thank goodness she’s friendly.

Spell your name without vowels:
Jmm Rvs

Do you wanna get married anytime soon?
No, I’m too young to get married.

Have you ever kissed someone in a band?
He used to be in a band, does that count?

When you looked in the mirror today, what was your first thought?
Who is that old man, and where is he hiding me?

Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?
Some things I would, but things have changed a lot in the world, and I’m a different person than they were.

Have you ever been caught dancing like a fool?
Anybody who dances with me is a fool.  But we’ve not been caught, so far.  Last year in Vegas remains in Vegas.

What kind of drunk are you?
Non-sequiter. Your facts are uncoordinated.

Why do guys act jerks around the person they have a crush on?
This is a rather sexist question.  And from careful observation of straight women, it’s because they only respond to the jerks, despite always complaining that there aren’t any good men.  That’s OK, though. It just leaves the good ones for me. I just have to get them to come over to the dark side.

If you woke up to a shark in your bath tub, what would you do?
Go back to sleep, since this is obviously some strange dream.  No more pb/j sandwiches right before bed!

If women ruled the world would there be more peace?
Are you kidding?  Have you ever seen women fight?  The first time they started a war, it would be the end of the world!  Nuclear armed women would be the end of humanity. “OH NO SHE DIDN’T JUST SAY THAT!!!” Red button pushed… boom!

What’s your favorite zoo animal?
Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my.

Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
Nope.  There’s a project for someone.

Do you have a significant other?
Yes.  He’s very significant.

Do you have big dreams for your life?
Not really.  It’s always interesting to see what’s going to happen next.  The last few years have been interesting, the next few should be, too.

Are you donating your organs?
Not until I don’t need them anymore.  I’m kinda selfish that way.

Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
I don’t recall that.  My memory is not clear on that incident.

Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth?
Oh, hell no.  I didn’t even curse in their presence till I was almost 30!

Have you ever told a girl/boyfriend you loved them but didn’t mean it?
No.  I have the opposite problem.  I wait too long to say it.  Getting better about it, though.

When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
1991 or thereabouts.  School bully.  I resisted.  He’s dead now.  I still didn’t do it.

Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
Yes.  Helping people.

What does your middle name mean?
“He will add”  that does not refer to math, I’m pretty sure.

What was the last fruit you ate?
Banana

Are you currently wearing socks?
Yes.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
The nuts at work.  We’re really being a bad example to the trainees.

Will you be over 21 in 3 years?
LOL  I’ve been over 21 for 31 years!

Who ended your last relationship?
He did.

Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you?
No.  Wait… define “dated”.

How much did you spend the last time you bought something?
$5.43

Were you in a relationship this time 2 years ago?
No

If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?
Do they make it back to Earth? Does Eli get the girl?  Is Scott secretly gay?

Who was the last person you spent more than 15 minutes on the phone with?
Ted

How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled, or fried in a sandwich with mustard.

Have you been swimming in the last six months?
Yes.  Last summer.  Sanger, QueerNetworks pool party.

How often do you read the newspaper?
Every weekday.  Three of them.  Visalia Times Delta, Fresno Bee, Los Angeles Times.

Have you ever known someone who died on your birthday?
No. That would just be rude. Don’t anybody do that.

You just caught your bf/gf kissing someone of the same sex. Reaction?
Are you going to share??

What are the last three letters of your last name?
ves

You found out you have to put down your pet. Are you crying about it?
Been there, done that.

Do you know someone with the same birthday as you?
I don’t know her, but Sophia Loren is one.

Your bed is missing. Where’d it go?
Aliens beamed it up.  They love waterbeds, too.

Table for eight and you’re cooking. What’s for dinner?
Steaks, french bread, salad, corn, baked potato, desert.

The last person you hugged admits to liking you. What is your response?
I already knew that.  I like him back.

Reach your right arm out. What do you touch?
Computer rack unit.

Are you wearing a hat right now?
No.

Who was the last person you high-fived?
One of the guys at the bowling ally.  Rainbowlers.

How do you make money?
I tell cops where to go.

Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? ‘
W-T-F? That would be a peanut butter butter and jelly sandwich. A bit redundant.

Is anyone in your family blind?
Not visually, no.

If you could transform into something, What would that something be?
Brad Pitt

Opinion on heroin?
Stupid is as stupid does.

You’re opening up a restaurant. What do you call it?
Jimmie’s

What are your plans for tomorrow afternoon?
None.  I’ll let the universe decide for me.

Kiss me?
Probably not.  Luis doesn’t share.

If you woke up to a dolphin in your bath tub, what would you do?
Ask him what the hell is he doing in my bathtub, and what is that gawd-awful smell?

Do you smoke in your car?
Smoking is not allowed. Period. End of story.

What is something you need to do within the next two hours?
Sleep.

You have to write a story for english, due tomorrow. What do you write?
Some witty and humorous remarks on my deep understanding of the human condition. Or a bad Star Trek story.

How do you think everyone will act when 2013 comes and the world’s fine?
Like they never believed anything would happen to begin with.  Just like they’ve done a million times before.

Do you watch the Spike Video Game Awards?
The what?

What kind of kid were you when you were seven?
Skinny. Shy. Curious.

Do you always eat those mints you get at some restaurants?
Sometimes.

Do you read the CD liner notes?
CD’s have liner notes?

Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it?
Everything.  I’m a font of spectacular proportions.  Just ask me.

Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now?
I ordered it through Ted’s computer business.

If you could shapeshift into anybody, who would it be and why?
Brad Pitt. And if you have to ask why, then you wouldn’t understand.

Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons?
Why would you? Wouldn’t that be like comparing the Jetson’s to Ren and Stimpy?

Will you miss CDs if they end up going obsolete? Why or why not?
Yeah, just like I miss 8 tracks.

If you got the chance to go to Fantasy Island, what would your fantasy be?
To fly to the ISS.

Can you tell the difference between a bluebird and a blue jay without pics?
Well of course.  One’s a bird, and one’s a jay. Simple.

Do you tend to feel sorry for the villain of a story/TV show/movie/etc.?
Like Darth Vader?  He went bad because he couldn’t save his mother? Like that?

What was your favourite Christmas movie as a child?
Miracle on 34th Street

Would you ever date someone who had an STD, if they were honest and safe?
Sure.

Are you an oldest, youngest, middle or only child?
Oldest

If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose?
That particular hour is classified.  Sorry.

Do you think animals have a sense of humor?
Cats certainly do.  Dogs, probably too.  Just look at what they put up with.

If you could go back in time to another decade, which one would you choose?
The sixties.

Are you proud of your hometown, or do you try to distance yourself from it?
It’s a good town.  There are plenty a lot worse, and closeby.

Ok, end of this survey.  Blame them on my nieces, I usually see them as a result of their taking and posting them.

There were plenty of things I could have done instead of seeing NINE. My car could use a wash, I thought, as Daniel Day Lewis made his entrance as Italian film director Guido Contini. As Guido escaped a scandalous press conference, I remembered my gas bill was due. Gotta pay that. And as Guido’s convertible sped across a Roman piazza, I thought of my dog, what she might be doing right now, and whether it was more fulfilling than what I was doing. Mostly though, I thought about closing my eyes, and getting some sleep. Only to protect the integrity of Steven Spielblog did I muster the strength to stay awake through this film. Don’t thank me, readers. Thank my eyelids. DO IT.

Directed by Rob Marshall and starring Mr. Day, Mr. Lewis, and every single actress alive, (and in Sophia Loren’s case, ‘undead,’) NINE is a filmed adaptation of a Broadway musical which is a staged adaptation of Federico Fellini’s 8½. One of the pivotal films of the Italian neo-realist movement, 8½ is a kaleidoscopic study of Guido (Marcello Mastroianni,) a 43 year-old filmmaker struggling to translate his mid-life self-reflection into a piece of art that has value to anyone but himself. It’s one of the most insightful portrayals of an artist ever put on film. Comparing anything to it is stacking the deck – but comparing 8½ to NINE – that’s just sadistic. So, let’s get into it, shall we?

Daniel Day Lewis, not good, for once, in NINE

Right off, there’s the unfortunate Mr. DDL, who, though perhaps the greatest actor of his generation, brother just don’t do comedy. And 8½, which is many things, is frequently hilarious. Mastroianni’s Guido is a grown boy, who for all his troubles, views the world in wonderment – a man who spontaneously dances, alone, down a hallway. DDL’s Guido, by contrast, is a man in the midst of a manic breakdown. He’s twitchy, dour, and self-loathing, a serial philanderer who claims to be a child at heart, though evidence of this is absent from DDL’s performance. This choice on the actor’s part then renders the introduction of Guido’s “inner child” character in NINE a Disneyfied cliché: the man who’s lost his joie de vivre, rediscovering it in a magical encounter with his younger self. So when young Guido joins old Guido in the director’s chair for the big finale, (whoops, spoiler,) it’s a moment reminiscent of Bruce Willis’ THE KID – not-ah so much-ah Fellini.

But it’s not just in DDL’s too-serious turn that NINE misses all the crucial humor of 8½. Maestro Marshall replaces the joy of his source material with the most miscalculated diva worship since Michael Jackson lopped off his nose to be Diana Ross. Take, for instance, the funniest, most delightful scene in 8½, in which Saraghina, a bulky, ferally sexual woman, dances the rumba for young Guido and his schoolmates. Marshall interprets this scene in what he clearly wishes were a showstopper, with the Black Eyed Peas’ Fergie as Saraghina. Now don’t get me wrong, Fergie is hulkingly enormous enough to play the part of Saraghina, but – oh wait – WHAT? Seriously, could Rob Marshall not get a single big-boned broad to sing a song? He has to take this Fellini icon and turn her into one more in a line of supermodels?

The repulsive women of NINE

In NINE’s pile-on of beauties, (hellooo Judi Dench,) Marion Cotillard and Penelope Cruz emerge unscathed as wife and mistress respectively. Sophia Loren phones it in, content, it seems, to accept her beatification as Prima Donna of Italian cinema, and so her part is nothing more than an extended, softly-lit cameo. But it’s Nicole Kidman who takes the crap cake, her upper lip sliding disconcertingly down her face before your naked eyes. In a film of spotty accents, (DDL not exempted,) Kidman gives up on the whole pesky ‘Italian thing’ after about two minutes. Why bother, really? ‘Chilly’ is a word I’d always use to describe Miss Kidman, but after watching NINE I’d suggest her next director check for pulse before rolling camera.

8½, che bel film, is presented in an ambiguous dream state where reality blends seamlessly with Guido’s memory and fantasy. NINE reduces this to a binary: there’s objective (and oh-so stressful) reality, and then, there are musical numbers. It’s very clear when we’re meant to be in Guido’s fantasy: everyone’s singing and dancing… and boring me to death. And worse yet, to reaffirm this conceit, Marshall shoots all the musical interludes the same, from the point of view of the audience. This gets old, in a hurry.

Hey, you know what this movie could use? Some incredibly boring dance numbers.

OK! OK. Maybe comparing this film to 8½ is just too diabolical, even for a diablo like me. I’d judge it solely as a musical then, except not one of the film’s songs stick, not a single hum-worthy chorus in the lot, and about 87% of the lyrics consist of people shouting “Guido! Guido! Guido!” Yes, Academy bylaws require an original song to win ‘Best Original Song,’ even if you’re adding a new number to previously staged musical. But Rob Marshall’s statue-lust doesn’t make it OK for any human person to have to sit through Kate Hudson’s jaw-droppingly awful “Cinema Italiano.” This sequence is so torturous it might as well have been directed by Alberto Gonzalez and choreographed by John Yoo – with ultimate sign-off approval from Dick Cheney, naturally.

The biggest war crime of all is that none of NINE elicits any emotional response – or it didn’t from your Spielblogger. 8½ endures, truthful and touching, because it defies structure to create an impression of life on earth and the challenges – the impossibilities, even – of representing it in art. It’s not a portrait of an artist, it’s the world as seen through the eyes of one. NINE, not just a copy of a copy but the very opposite of its original, is too enamored with its own style, structure, and performers, to truly be about anything but itself.

—

NINE

AMC Landmark Theaters, Los Angeles

Tuesday, December 8, 8:00pm showing

Oh wait - sorry.

 Cinema by Sophia Loren

2009 (8 tracks, 24:42)

vocals

Vx

I am lucky to have a friend that is a member of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG).  Last year she started taking me to some of the screenings that were open to SAG members.  I have lived in Los Angeles for a number of years but this was a whole new world that I never even knew existed.  I now see movies not just days but sometimes weeks or months before it is released to the public.  On top of that, many of the starring actors attend the Q&A sessions that follow after the movie.  Here’s one I went to most recently…

Movie Review

NINE

Director:  Rob Marshall
Cast:  Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Penélope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Judi Dench, Kate Hudson, Sophia Loren, Stacey Ferguson (Fergie)

The movie is based on the Broadway musical which stemmed from Fellini’s autobiographical film, 8 1/2.  Fergie’s “Be Italian” was hands down the best performance – I didn’t want it to end!  We all know she’s a great singer and performer but the tambourine work was unique and her acting was unexpectedly up to par.  On the other hand, Nicole Kidman’s “Unusual Way” was uneventful and  Daniel Day-Lewis’ accent was inconsistent throughout the entire movie though the second half seemed more polished.  I was expecting a lot more with the A-list director and cast but was somewhat disappointed with the lack of depth of each character.  Rob Marshall said that he basically let the actors do what they do, and in turn, the film felt undeveloped.

Though the film didn’t blow me away, seeing Rob Marshall, Penélope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, and Stacey Ferguson (Fergie) made the evening much more exciting (from the front row!).  They all stopped by after the red carpet premiere in Westwood so they were all glammed up and looked gorgeous.  I don’t know if I’d jump to recommending the movie to my friends but it definitely had its moments.

Sophia Loren

“Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got, and 50% what people think you’ve got.” — Sophia Loren

Whether it’s sex appeal, a great sense or humor, leadership ability or what have you, confidence is always key.  Go get ‘em, tiger!

I have a feeling Kate Hudson is about to blow everyone away in her upcoming film, Nine. We’ve all watched her acting career blossom, but she’s about to add singing and dancing to her resume.  Check out the trailer for the movie along with the first song release, Cinema Italiano by Kate Hudson.  The song is already available on Amazon’s mp3 downloads.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmCbbtkRYR8&feature=related

Costume designer Colleen Atwood took on the intimidating task of creating the many costumes for the production.  Pictured here is Kate Hudson’s Swarovski crystal mesh dress for the Cinema Italiano number.

The musical, directed by the Oscar nominated Rob Marshall (Chicago) is scheduled to be released Christmas Day.  Kate holds her own with a star studded cast, including Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Fergie, and Sophia Loren.  The story follows a famous film director (Day-Lewis) as he interacts with the many women in his life.  This film promises elaborate scenery, multiple costume changes, and sweeping musical numbers that will not disappoint.

Nine (The Weinstein Company)

1. “Nine” is based on Arthur Kopit’s book for the 1982 Tony Award-winning musical of the same name, which was derived from an Italian play by Mario Fratti inspired by Federico Fellini’s autobiographical film “8½.” You follow that? It started as a film, was then made into a play, was then turned into a musical, then became a book, and is now back to being a film. Further proof that no original ideas exist in Hollywood.

2. The music is awful. The people I saw the movie with said I was biased because I don’t like musicals. This simply isn’t true. (One of my top-ten favorite movies ever is a musical: “The Nightmare Before Christmas.”) I just don’t like bad musicals, and this is a bad musical. The lyrics are so bland, so literal that they felt as if they were written either by a middle schooler or Lenny Kravitz. There’s nothing catchy about the music, nothing interest… it just sits there like a loud, obnoxious family member yelling at a television. In musicals, the songs are supposed to move the story along, not explain what just happened, what is happening, or what is about to happen. If you’re looking for a really annoying comedy album, pick up the soundtrack for “Nine.”

3. Sophia Loren (who plays a ghost of the dead mother of Daniel Day-Lewis’ character, Guido Contini) has had so much plastic surgery done that she now looks like Merman.

I swear, every time she popped up on screen I was waiting for Beast Man and Trap-Jaw to follow behind her.

4. I love Daniel Day-Lewis and think he’s one of the best in the business, which is why it made me so sad to sit and watch him die slowly right before my eyes for two hours. I get it, Daniel, this one is for the ladies (and the gay guys), but what about your hetero male audience?!? Can you make, like, I don’t know… a sequel to “There Will Be Blood” to make up for this? “There Will Be More Blood” or something?

5. Through all my years, I’ve only walked out of a movie once: In 1994, about twenty minutes into the turdfest that is “The Flintstones,” I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and left. Now, I didn’t leave during “Nine” (I couldn’t because I had come with three other people who were enjoying the movie), but let me say this: I would rather buy “The Flintstones” on DVD and watch it once a week for the rest of my life than watch “Nine” one more time. I know it’s in my nature to be over the top here on “The Blarg,” but believe me that it is without a hint of exaggeration when I say that this is easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Period.

So unbelievably awful,

-Shady

That’s it, I’m getting Emily some knee high boots, a short fur coat and ordering myself a silencer. Gregory Peck seems to be doing his best Dean Martin impersonation in the illustration, doesn’t he? But the question I’m left asking is, why haven’t I seen this movie, with it’s Hitchcockian storyline, Sophia Loren looking awfully becoming and a Henry Mancini scored soundtrack? Ah, perhaps because Arabesque hasn’t been available on DVD until very recently and is still a task to find.

Professor David Pollock (Gregory Peck) is an expert in ancient Arabic hieroglyphics. A Middle Eastern Prime Minister convinces Pollock to infiltrate the organization of a man named Beshraavi (Alan Badel), who is involved in a plot against the Prime Minister. The nature of the plot is believed to be found in a hieroglyphic code. Beshraavi’s mistress, Yasmin Azir (Sophia Loren) is a mystery – intertwined in the plot. Pollock needs her help, but when she repeatedly seems to double cross him in one escapade after another. He can’t decide on whose side she is working. Ultimately working together, Pollock and Yasmin decipher the plot and set out to stop an assassination of the Prime Minister.

Heaven have mercy, if those aren’t “F.M. boots”, I don’t know what are.

One of the best things about my ex-husband was his love of shopping. Dude LOVED to shop…for me. Very cool indeed. And, he was really good at it too. Always found the perfect gifts, regardless of what the ‘reason’ for the gift was. It was one of those things that always amazed me. Truth be told, he was better at buying clothes for me than I was. Which was an AWESOME talent, cuz I hate clothes shopping. Yep. Kept him around a bit longer than I knew I shoulda, just cuz he was so good at it. (terrible, huh?)

One year, however, he was stumped. It was probably somewhere around October and he’d apparently been struggling with his shopping. So one day, quite by accident (I swear! I was NOT eavesdropping!), I overheard him talking to a girlfriend of mine, asking if she had a clue. Not sure what her response was, but I got this light-bulb over my head thing…and decided I was going to write a letter to Santa.

Later that night, when he was out with some friends, I got out my best stationary and did just that. As if I was 6 years old…same tone, same kind of language, same way I’d have done it at that age. I told him why I thought I should be on the ‘nice’ list and all the things I’d done that year, and even confessed a few ‘naughty’ things too. No point lying to Santa, ya know? Then, I proceeded to list all the things I’d love to have. At the end of the letter, I told Santa that I didn’t expect to get them all, I was just giving him options. (not sure if a 6 year old would’ve used that word, but, oh well.)

Then, I signed it, put some sparkly confetti in the envelope and mailed it. It was addressed:

Santa Claus

c/0 Elf Kenny

and then our address.

I never saw him get the letter, but I know he did. Because that year, every single thing on that list was under the tree.

Why am I telling you this? Because, ladies, there are lots of men who have no idea. It frustrates them. It makes them buy things you don’t want. And it can make for some very unpleasant moments. So…help ‘em out! Write Santa a letter. Do it your way. But help ‘em out. If you make them guess, and you get some kinda goofy-assed present like a vacuum cleaner or a new food processor, it’s not his fault. It’s YOURS.

As my Daddy always said:

Don’t ask. Don’t get.

Ho Ho Ho.

With its dazzling trailers, full of renowned actresses and flashy dance sequences, accompanied by Fergie’s rendition of “Be Italian” and a new song written for Kate Hudson, Rob Marshall’s stage-to-screen adaptation of the musical Nine is certainly eye-catching.

Inspired by Fellini’s film 8 1/2, Nine is the story of Guido Contini, an Italian director played by Daniel Day-Lewis, and the many, many women in his life, primarily his wife Luisa (Marion Cotillard), his lover Carla (Penelope Cruz) and his muse Claudia (Nicole Kidman). Standing on the other side of forty, Contini faces failure after a long and successful career, suddenly faced with the disintegration of his latest movie and his marriage alike. Judi Dench and Sophia Loren round out the cast in this star vehicle as Contini’s mentor and mother respectively.

With only two weeks left before its Christmas day release, Nine seems full of promise. The soundtrack, recently released digitally, however, suggests otherwise.

The music itself remains as powerful as in its earlier incarnations and yet there is so much missing from the actual performances. From the first track, “Overture Delle Donne,” it comes off as somehow watered down, weak. Even as its loudest, its bawdiest, this Nine is only a shadow, seeming to miss the crucial force driving its prior incarnations.

This isn’t a show about being flashy or dazzling. It’s about small moments of truth in lives affected by and affecting one man, as Guido and the women he’s loved try to figure out just what that love is and how, indeed, to love at all — in essence, how to live. The greatness of Nine lies in its stillnesses, the way it captures moments where life is holding its breath and answers are sought within, as if in searching the soul, we can find what wasn’t there just yesterday. The essential truths of these searches vanish in this production, gilded or cast aside in favor of the apparent urge to showcase famed actresses who fail to prove themselves worthy of that spotlight.

One of the show’s greatest numbers, Luisa Contini’s eleventh hour ballad “Be On Your Own,” has been cut from the movie and replaced with the new song “Take It All.” While this new number has ostensibly the same message, it’s now buried under cheap burlesque and references to crotch-grabbing and pasties, where “Be On Your Own” was a powerhouse of fury, the last ditch attempt to retain dignity by a woman scorned and finally done with it. While Cotillard seems to give it her all, the song nevertheless comes off disingenuous at best; the anger is there, but lacks direction or reason, the source and the power alike lost in the apparent need to have Cotillard perform a striptease and call it a metaphor. While Cotillard is not without talent, it seems possible this simply isn’t the right role for her, at least vocally.

Dench and Loren hold their own, though it seems unlikely anyone will be listening to their numbers on repeat, and Daniel Day-Lewis’ voice, while certainly not as capable in the role as Antonio Banderas in his Tony-nominated revival performance a few years back, is admittedly much stronger than I was expecting. Aurally, however, he lacks the petulance that marks such a big part of who Guido is — a man who, in his forty years of life, hasn’t much grown up since he was nine.

But it’s Kidman who truly disappoints. Her performance in Moulin Rouge! proved her not without some measure of vocal talent and, indeed, her ballad from that musical, “One Day I’ll Fly Away,” suggested she just might be able to pull off the one song she was afforded on this soundtrack. And yet she lacks entirely the ability to be both quiet and powerful at once. Her rendition of “Unusual Way” is, quite simply, painful. It seems strangely without emotion, the lines nothing but her stepping carefully from one note to the next — and missing as often as not — as if the singer performed the entire number reading off a page, perhaps for only the second time. There’s no power, no kick, and to hear this song performed as something not only bland and stumbling, but off-key as well is enough to make listeners cringe.

In the end, it’s the three singers from whom I admittedly expected the least who manage to save any of the songs on this CD at all. Kate Hudson’s “Cinema Italiano” is a welcome and exuberant addition to the score, performed with zest by a woman who actually sounds like she’s having fun, making her a rarity on this album. After her exquisite turn as Penny Lane in Almost Famous, it’s a relief to see Hudson in anything that provides a respite from the cheesy rom coms that have haunted her these last few years and she does not disappoint. “Be Italian,” Fergie’s number in which the prostitute Saraghina teaches a young Guido about love and life (but not like that, get your minds out of the gutters), seems to be the new heart of the film, at least when it comes to quality of performance. And Penelope Cruz provides just the right amount of mock-innocence and sensuality in the memorable phone sex number, “A Call From the Vatican,” her voice at once sweet and downright purring.

What sets these numbers apart from the rest — aside from the demonstration of any level of actual skill — is that these three actresses appear to be, well, acting, where all the other songs fall flat.

While I will still be seeing the film, having looked forward to it too much to skip out on it now and hoping fervently that context will make up for the soundtrack’s faults, my hopes for the movie fell far in the forty-three minutes it takes to listen to this album all the way through. Too many powerful numbers have been lost to time constraints and those that remain have been watered down until they’ve lost any trace of vitality or emotion, a nigh unforgivable fault in a musical about life and the heart.

NINE is a vibrant and provocative musical that follows the life of world famous film director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) as he reaches a creative and personal crisis of epic proportion, while balancing the numerous women in his life including his wife (Marion Cotillard), his mistress (Penelope Cruz), his film star muse (Nicole Kidman), his confidant and costume designer (Judi Dench), an American fashion journalist (Kate Hudson), the whore from his youth (Fergie) and his mother (Sophia Loren). The film is directed by Rob Marshall (CHICAGO). The original 1982 Broadway production of NINE, with music and lyrics by Maury Yeston, won five Tony Awards including Best Musical.

http://nine-movie.com/

Very recently we welcomed a trio from America, Patrick, Kathy and Rita, who came to this area searching for more information on a particular time in their family’s history. 

Patrick and Kathy were trying to retrace their father’s journey through Italy as a soldier in the US 351st Infantry 88^th “Blue Devil” Division. 

Patrick is currently writing a book about his father’s experiences during this period.  His father sent home many descriptive letters to his new bride, who he had only married the day before his departure from America.

Charles Logan was just 22 years old when he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in Italy along the infamous GUSTAV Line.  His Division disembarked at Naples and was then transported to the town of Piedimonte d’Alife (now known as Piedimonte Matesse)  for combat training.

The 351st Infantry Division was then sent to the GUSTAV Line, on the western flank of the main Fifth Army, to relieve the 5th British Division in the Minturno area in Operation Diadem. The 88^th “Blue Devils”, encountering stiff German resistance, took part in a particularly bitter and bloody battle, which lasted almost 3 days, to seize the village of Santa Maria Infante. 

The capture of this position  on the 14^th May 1944, proved to be a defining moment, finally breaking through the GUSTAV line and forcing a German retreat. 

The French Expeditionary Corps of Morrocan Goumiers*, who were skilled in mountain warfare, continued to make their way forward over the seemingly impassable terrain of the Aurunci Mountains, while the 88^th surged ahead, taking the seaward facing villages of Spigno Saturnia, Castellonorato, Trivio, Maranola, then on through Formia, Itri, Fondi, Monte San Biagio to Roccagorga.

Continuing northward some of the 88^th Divison made contact with  Allied units breaking out of the Anzio beach-head on 29^th May and they were the first to enter Rome on the 4 June 1944.

We had the great pleasure of acting as Patrick’s guide and driver during their stay, and we visited Cassino and  Montecassino and many of the above mentioned towns and villages, travelling some 500 miles during the week.

We learned so much about the historical significance of these places through this traumatic  period of the Second World War.  From the picturesque little villages that we see today, it is hard to imagine what it would have been like for the local people and the opposing  Allied forces during this terrible time.

The Italians had suffered greatly under German occupation, having to endure persecution, reprisals and famine.  Prior to their liberation these villages also had endured heavy land and naval bombardments by the Allied forces which resulted in catastrophic damage, and hundreds of innocent civilian deaths and casualties.

* Yet there was more suffering to come – The French General Alphonse Juin, before the final battles to the breach the German GUSTAV  line, he was said to have promised the Morrocan Goumier troops the following:

“For 50 hours you will be the absolute masters of what you will find beyond the enemy. Nobody will punish you for what you will do, nobody will ask you about what you will get up to.” 

When the Goumiers swarmed over the mountain villages they subjected thousands of Italian women and even young girls to merciless violence and rape, and reportedly any men who fought to save  their wives and daughters from harm were ruthlessly murdered. 

A novel, “La Ciociara”, was penned, based on this subject of mass rape, by the author Alberto Moravia.  This was subsequently made into a film also called “La Ciociara” or  ”Two Women”, directed by Vittorio de Sica, and starred Sophia Loren. In 1960, for this role, she was awarded an Academy Award for Best Actress.

We would just like to wish Patrick Logan good luck with the writing of his book about his father’s war time experiences, and we very much look forward to the book’s publication.

We would be interested to hear from anyone else who had family members who fought in Italy during World War II, along this area of the German GUSTAV Line.

For more information about some of  the towns and villages in SOUTH LAZIO that were positioned along the GUSTAV Line, please click on the following links:

Montecassino

Castelforte

Santi Cosma e Damiano 

Minturno 

Spigno Saturnia 

Castellonorato

Trivio

Maranola

Formia

Gaeta 

Itri

Campodimele

Fondi

Monte San Biagio

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If I hear one more person say “I’m too old for that” I think I’m going to have to shoot them.

What the hell is that anyway?

Too old for snowball fights?

Too old for kickin’ up leaves?

Too old for rollin’ around on the floor with a puppy?

Are you freakin’ kidding me?

It blows me away when I hear those words. Especially when they’re coming out of the mouth of a 40-something year old. It’s so freakin’ sad. And a giant waste of space. I mean, if you think you’re OLD at 40-something, what the hell are you gonna do when you’re 60? Or 70? Or….(GASP!) 80????

Oh. Wait. You probably won’t live that long anyway. So, no point in considering those questions. May as well just go git yourself a gun and shoot yourself now. Get it over with. Then you won’t have to deal with more wrinkles, more gray hair, more sagging, lagging, aching, and making excuses for being so pitiful. For Pete’s sake, what the hell is that crap?

Listen…this whole linear time thing is a bunch of baloney. I know, I know. You’re saying to yourself, “who the hell is this rude-assed woman? And who the hell is she to tell ME that I’m full of baloney?”

Well, I’m figurin’ that you’re here now because you were looking for something to float your boat or tweak your attitude just a bit. Otherwise, what you call “an accident” is what I call Cosmic Cool. You’re here…and you were looking for something, otherwise you wouldn’t be (here). So…who the hell am I?

I’m that little imp who likes to poke people just enough to get them off their butts. I’m that pain-in-the-ass who likes to push folks to the edge of what they know so they can see for themselves just how much fun it is to jump. There’s this terrific saying (that also happens to be a ‘mantra’ of mine):

“When you come to the edge of all you know, you must believe in one of two things: there will be ground on which to stand, or you will be given wings.”

So I’m pokin’ at you today, so you’ll get off your pity pot and stop making excuses. You’re not too old for ANYTHING. Time is an illusion. An illusion that we’re fed over and over, every day, by millions of other people who are too scared to live. Time has nothing to do with living. Time is an excuse for not grabbing life by the balls and WOOOOHOOO-ing your way through your days. Time is a waste of time.

{huh?}

Okay. Maybe I got a little carried away there. But it just makes me NUTS when I hear people using that excuse. Because, in the end, it goes like this:

You’re born. You live. You die.

The end.

So what the hell are you waitin’ for?