So it’s springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

Which is great.

My heart is into those kind of things.

My mind is more practical.

While my heart says “Send him a text”

My mind says “Don’t do it! He’s probably not thinking of you the way you’re thinking of him.”

“It’s SPRINGTIME!!” my heart all but bellows, and my mind shoots back “I couldn’t give a-”

“Language,” my mouth mumbles, and it’s silent again.

So I put my phone down. My mind wins. But my heart has me gazing at his picture. He doesn’t have to know that I am thinking of him.

Nobody has to know.

*Sigh*.

So here I am, munching chocolate. No ice cream. I’m not depressed.

Half an hour later my heart overrules my mind and I’m snatching up my phone again.

“Send a text, send a text,” my heart whispers.

“Don’t do it,” my mind says curtly, but for once I choose my heart over my mind and begin texting.

“Hi. What you up to?”

No, that’s just for idle conversation. But I cant just send “I really want us to be together”. What to do. What to freaking do.

So I put the phone down again and pick up my chocolates.

Almost in tears two hours later. It’s like my mind knows what’s best for me but my heart knows what’s good for me. I’ll send the damn text.

“And if you get rejected? What then?” my mind demands. “You’ll be depressed! Sad everyday, I wont have it! Stay in the friend zone.”

Before my heart could counter this my phone goes off and I snatch it up.

It’s HIM!!!

“Hey. This is going to sound so random. You’re a close friend and it’s great, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to the movies sometime this week?”

“HA!!” I shout, and my heart beats triumphantly. I wait for a few minutes before replying, not wanting to seem eager. Then I text back.

“Sure, sounds like a plan.”

Sounds like a plan?! Why not “I’d love to or something??”

“Don’t act eager!” my mind snaps, and I roll my eyes as my phone goes off, another text.

“Great! I cant wait to see you.”

I stare at the screen. Then I laugh. And keep laughing. And laugh so more. This is crazy I cant believe it!

Throwing caution and mind to the winds, I reply.

“Cant wait to see you either. In fact I was going to text you if you didn’t text me. xXx.”

He replies with five kisses. “xXxXx.”

So! Hehe. It’s springtime.

The time of love. The time of people to get hitched or find new love.

WHICH IS GREAT!!!!

Makala Thomas

The grass is always going to look greener on the other side and the future holds mysterious promising charm that your present can never match up to. Nowadays, I find myself dreaming so much about the future, hoping for greater things to happen and come my way that I seem to forget I’m already in a good place now. I am writing this post to remind myself to stay in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts. When I was jobless, all I ever wanted was to get hired and when I finally started working, I began to look forward to travelling. Such are the unpredictable conflicting desires of human beings.

My colleagues had warned me about how tough it is to find a job when I think I am finally ready for one so I am mentally prepared to be a bummer for god-knows-how-long. Knowing myself, after a while I will start missing the fond memories of the workplace, boss and colleagues thus I shall fully indulge in and make use of the one month of work-life left.

Great news is the past doesn’t bother me anymore, I have moved on. I remember I used to feel bad over friends lost during the secondary school’s days and how I wished them back in my life. It was a time of regret, sadness and insecurity as I only had less than a handful of friends then. Only Karen stuck with me (Zachary doesn’t count since he’s boyfriend!) so you can see how bad it is. It was a painful lesson and I started to take friendships more seriously. Oh well, in all goodness, it paid off because I’m in a much happier place now The difference between then and now is I make damn sure to reach out to people who matter to me before it’s too late.  And so far so good..I’m most lucky that the peeps I care about give a damn about me too

For friends who are going to be or are religiously looking for jobs, don’t forget to enjoy the life of being a bummer while you still can for we have all the time in the world to slog it out at work for the next 50 years or so.

That less complaints resolution I mentioned last blog? I’m about to obliterate it. Get ready.

• Sexily is not a word in my vocabulary. Sexy is subjective enough, so let’s make it more non-descriptive by throwing on an -ly and calling it an adverb. Stop using sexily, people. It makes me want to hurt you.
• The Mountain Dew I purchased in the Call of Duty packaging is regular MD and not the tropical flavored MD I was anticipating. Still yummy, just not what I wanted.
• A verbal acknowledgement of a couple’s wedding anniversary should be sufficient. Why should I be forced to buy a card and /or gift EVERY YEAR because two people decided to get married?
• I’ve been sleeping horribly but don’t know why.
• I had a bad day yesterday only to have it compounded by an even worse day today. Congratulations. If your goal was to make me hate you, you’ve succeeded because you certainly aren’t my favorite person.
• Why does google have to have encrypted search terms? For privacy? What’s that? Now I can’t figure out what brings people here when people do a search while signed in at google. Not signed in? I can totally see that speedo-gate has made a resurgence (11 views today alone) and that someone searching for a “sympathetic cryer” has found me, again.
• A few memories of almost being beaned with a door by my not favorite person still make me very wary when I approach said door. I hate that he continues to impact my actions.
• March 1st seems so f’in far away. Damn it. I want to see BTR now!
• The fact that I had to make a complaint list. This may become my Friday thing. Store all my complaints and let them all out at once. Sounds like a plan.

But there was a part of me that stayed wondering what finally happened with him. I wanted to give him a call and find out. But, what if he is really not interested in me?

What the hell? I’ll just do it. If he answers and shows no interest in me, I’ll hang up and keep going on with my life.

I’ll just take it as another mindless incident that occurred in my life.

I thought the call would be unanswered and go to voicemail. Instead, it did get answered.

Christian was very surprised and relieved that I had called again. He started talking very fast like his minutes were about to expire.

“You are probably thinking I am the worst guy ever. But I lost my phone, and I know you were going to call me again, and I wish I could have another chance to proof you wrong…”

He just kept going non-stop. I didn’t have to do the talking. He said everything I was hoping to hear and then some. Now I was the one who didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry you lost your phone. Yeah, I was wondering what might have happened to you when we agreed to keep in touch,” said I.

“I know, I know. You probably thought I was being rude to you.” (I think you made that clear.)

“I’m not really thinking anything.” (Liar!)

“So, can I make it up to you? Please?”

“Ah, sure.”

“I’m going to be with my buddy on his boat on Sunday. I can pick you up at the marina in the afternoon and go for a cruise around the bay.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Great! I’ll see you then.”

“Jay, do you think we’ll ever have a chance of making, whatever we have together, work?”

“Well, it will definitely be a challenge.”

“Listen, I know I’m still dealing with baggage from my divorce, and if I don’t get my life back on track, I won’t be able to be happy with you or any other person, period.

Also, I don’t want you to think that because we’re ‘together’ that you can’t go out or be friends with other women. I appreciate that you consider me your girlfriend and everyone in your world knows about me. But I also want to be fair and realistic about our situation.”

“I’m grateful for you being open about this and the best thing to do is that we keep being honest with each other and talk about it if the situation occurs.”

We finished dinner and enjoyed the rest of the evening, but talking about other things.

Jay was sad for leaving; I was very much indeed. He said he had another vacation time about a month later and would definitely try to make it back. He also mentioned for me to go visit him some time after his second possible visit, right after the winter had concluded and the weather was bearable for me to withstand.

Sounds like a plan, but so far away, like the time before he came down which seemed would never happen.

I am so happy that this trip happened, but once Jay leaves my life goes back to as before, back to the uncertainty of what lays ahead, and now with an added stress of what the universe is holding for me with this long distance thing.

Can anyone up there send me a clue or something, please?