That's 16,000 less accounts to compete with.

Segueing to our next topic, look it’s Aion again! Barely a day after announcing the introduction of G-Unit (Not the rappers, as I discovered) to fight bots in Aion, NCsoft has announced a mass ban following the maintenance reboot earlier this morning. Nearly sixteen thousand accounts, too. The bans are anything from gold farming, botting, buying gold, to spamming and advertising.

So is there any recourse for players who feel they were wrongly banned? Unlikely, as NCsoft feels quite sure of themselves, using multiple instances as evidence rather than just one. If you do feel that you were banned improperly, you can always create a support ticket to have it looked at.

I wrote this knowing that I’m going to get a lot of emails asking “Why are you pushing NCsoft’s propaganda?” Two years ago, I would have picked Jagex for the most dramatic mass bans with the trade restrictions and other massive game mechanic changes. This year, however, the prize definitely goes to NCsoft and Aion for the most dramatic showmanship. The sixteen thousand on paper sounds great, until you go in-game on the same day to realize that the bots are back in full force.

More after the break…

Not to say that NCWest is being lazy, but it is difficult for a 40 man team to beat back thousands of gold farmers pouring into the game every week. Thus I am using this venue to officially announce my candidacy for NCWest’s Bot Banning Efficiency Manager. Forget 16,000 accounts, my mass bans (not unlike my intended salary) will contain six digits, and will occur every other day. Why would I be more efficient than a 40 man team? Well for starters, I don’t have any of that pesky developing to do in addition to banning bots, so that gives me a few hours. The whole not sleeping thing is a bonus, and the willingness to work off the books and have my overtime paid in subscriptions to various competing MMOs (It would certainly break down my paperwork, keeping track of my various subscriptions). I’ve heard performing mass bans should be pretty easy, considering all I would have to do is walk through the main towns and ban the legions of private shops advertising websites.

If anything, this bodes well for NCsoft financially. If all of those bots come back, and they were referring to 16,000 accounts, that goes to 16,000 fresh Aion units that will be selling in the next several weeks.

So hopefully this bodes well for Aion, the recently introduced Game Surveillance Unit, and my impromptu resume. Sure there is likely a few accounts of collateral damage, someone making a sarcastic comment on buying their uber-character online. Before I forget, I don’t discriminate on what form my paycheck comes in, but preferably not Zimbabwean dollars or Linden Dollars.

More on me banning you from Aion as it appears.

Just had to share what my spam filter caught this morning…

Why hello associate forum people! I right-minded wanted to set up myself here as this looks like a sheer absorbing forum! I myself am gripping in things like writeing and computer repair so if anyoune needs steal farm out me remember! I also Suffer from Sciatica so if you aslo secure this disease let me know so we can allowance some stretches!

 

 

What wonderful news!  I have “a sheer absorbing forum” (err..blog?)!

Anyoune (whoever you are), please don’t steal from this poor person.  He/she seems especially concerned about possession of their farm.  Perhaps it has been in the Spammer family for many generations, or perhaps Spammer was speculating on the land and just got a great offer from Bass Pro Shops, who are scouting the location of their next Outdoor World supercenter.  (though I suspect that stealing aforementioned farm wouldn’t be an especially tricky undertaking.  I bet you could just hang a sign out front saying “Anyoune’s farm now”, and our esteemed spammer would keep on movin’.  Honestly, I’m not sure they realized they had a farm in the first place, and I think their claim that “me remember” is dubious at best.  This is a golden opportunity for you, Anyoune!  Seize it!)

Babelfish has failed you, Spammer.  But all is well, for I’ve had my morning chortle.

PS> Spammer, here’s a handy link to some excercises to help your sciatica.  Personally, I hope to never “secure” the condition (it’s not actually a disease), as “poor typing skills” is apparently a secondary symptom.

From: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 13, 2009

Subject: MY GOD WE BLESS YOU.

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>
Date: November 15, 2009
Subject: I’M COMING!

Hello Mr. Dominator!

I am RSVP-ing….What would you like me to bring to your party? I am working late on that day, but I could probably scrape together some crostini, or baba ganoush? Otherwise, wine is always a good bet. Everyone loves wine.

At any rate, let me know! Looking forward to sharing the fun.

Best,
Leena

From: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 14, 2009

Subject: I am awaiting for your urgent response

Regards.
Mr.Domenion.

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

Date: November 16, 2009

Subject: Re: I am waiting for your urgent response

Dear Mr. Dominator, I remain your humble slave and wish to carry out your every wish. I believe you have been sent by jesus,  and that you possess the spirit of the holy ram deep within your crevasses.  I want nothing more than to unite with you to make our transaction safe, secure, and healthy.

However, I hope you understand my concerns about your validity–as you no doubt have heard, the internet is rife with scam artists,  charlatans, and spam “bots”  who are out to take advantage of wealthy people such as myself.

I am willing to proceed in any way you request, but only after you answer my security questions. Please, do not laugh, this is only to protect us both. Again, if you do not answer these quesions I will not proceed further with you.

SECURITY QUESIONS:

Thank you Mr. Dominator, I hope you understand why I do the things I do.

In the bloody ragu of christ,

Leena

From: Mr. Domenion Audu <domenion_a30@ymail.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 16, 2009

Subject: Call me + 226-7841-3210 immediately if you are ready so that I will look for another honest person who will follow my advice to get this fun.

Official ID

From: Domenion Audu
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 19, 2009
Subject: PLEASE URGENT RESPOND

Dear Mr.Lupsa,

I thank you once again, i also thank the Almighty ALLAH that i have geting the offical application form from the bank today.

I believe you are the right person to transact with, considering the little i have seen from you. I proposed to you not only for our mutual benefit but also for a long and everlasting relationship to exist between you and I and between our children and related ones through this venture.

I want you to call me as soon as you have send the application to the bank so that i will direct on what to do next to avoid mistake from your side and not only that to keep me inform ontime so that i will mornitor the tranfer in the bank ok, i also thank you for the call you said you try to call me i think is network problem in my country so you try and call me now because calling is very inportant in this very stage now.

Open your attach file and see the bank offical application form which o got from the bank today which you will fill with your banking details where the bank will tranfer the fund to you as i am here to mornitor the tranfer in the bank.

Once again i will clear you that what ever may come up from the bank as soon as you have apply for this fund as i have directed you to fill and to the application form to the bank for the tranfer of this fund in to your bank account in your country idian, so you have to know that i contacted you to help me to have this fund in to your bank account in your country because i alone can not do it ok, so you have to help me untill this fund get in your bank account in your country where i will meet you for the shearing of the fund as soon as the fund get in to your bank account, you have to help me because i am poor that is why i want us to have this fund so that i will resign from the bank as soon as this fund get in to your bank account ok.

Well, my dear, there is nothing too much to be relayed on this business transaction as it requires dedication and incumbent support from both of us involved, for i have studied this transaction for more than one year and eight months now, and have known all that it requires. It requires secrecy and confidence, eventually in the progress of this transaction, when the Bank contacts you for minor questionings which i am going to be furnishing you with the answers on the course of this. In fact; you are going to abide strictly to my instructions so that we will not make any mistakes.

This is absolutely what it requires and nothing more as a top official in this Bank, and as a member of the Board members”, we have no problem at all as i will be monitoring the whole situation here in the Bank, while you will be monitoring the whole situation there in your country, until you confirm the money in your Account.

Immediately this is done I will then resign my appointment here with the Bank while you will now send me an invitation letter warranting me to come over to your country, for further sharing of the Fund and investment which you will help me secure under your kind advice. In fact, I would have done this deal alone, but for the fact that i am a civil servant and as civil servants here in my country, we are not allowed to operate any form of foreign account, but domiciliary or house account.

So this is the more reason I contacted you to stand in, as the true next-of-kin to the deceased customer, who will have to push the Bank to be able to effect the transfer of your late cousin’s Fund, and that delay in application was due to family logistic problem. I strongly assure you of a risk-free and hinge-free transaction, provided my instructions are strictly adhered to by you.

Also I would not fail to let you know that, we are going to work together in actualizing this objective, as you have to be aware that there are going to be some miscellaneous expenses such as transfer charges and telephone bills etc, which is normal in International Transfers of such, and which both of us are going to share equally,i.e we are going to share all expenses equally, and at the end of transaction, all expenses are going to be deducted from the 10% expense amount being mapped out from the total Fund, according to expense amounts incurred by both parties involved.

Please note that this transaction will last only but (14) Banking working days from transactional experience. At the end of the transaction, all computer and file-related information on this transaction would be deleted.

This is part of the security measures being taken to avoid any trace of the Fund in the future. I assure you of a maximum success. We will work together to legalize this deal and once it is legalized, the bank will approve it and then the money will be legally transferred to your account and the bank here will give you a clearance on inheritance that will take care of authorities in your end questioning the root of the funds.

Please note that what we are about to do needs trust and without trust there is no need to forge ahead, you are a human being and has the right to decide for yourself what is good for you and what is not. I believe you have a policy and i want you to maintain it just like me, if you are not interested, please do not force yourself but do what you think is right for you and do not be forced to do what you never wished to do.

Proposal is not a crime but love and interest with benefit also people can be friends without knowing each other through business transaction and that will only be when they are sincere to each other and work towards future benefit and friendship.

Well, the transaction is risk-free and on your side you will be maintaining absolute information and absolute secret through out the duration of the transaction, and normally you will be responding like a true next-of-kin who wish to speed up the release and transfer of his late cousin’s money.

The Bank will portray you, the benefice next-of-kin to the deceased customer and relay to you all relevant information required to put claim over the money as the procedure requires. The deceased customer died in a plane crash with his entire family in December 2003 and since then the fund has been lying in the account without anybody coming to claim the money. Based on that, I decided to make good use of the opportunity by contacting a foreign account owner who will be fronted as the next of kin to the late businessman, and have the approval signed and the money will be released and transferred into the given account.

If you agree, for nominating an account to be used for this purpose and any other assistance which you might be required to give in that regard, I will offer you the 45% of the sum and 55% .

For further information, you can kindly contact me on my private telephone number (00226-7841 2822.Recently acquired for this transaction and you can call me at anytime you feel like, so feel free to call me. I am expecting your immediate response concerning the above given information.

For your information this is not something that you have to think about because it is an opportunity to both of us and also I will advice you not to put any atom of fear in this transaction as you have no risk at all even now and in future as far as you follow my instructions.

So all you have to do now is to apply to the bank first, so that the bank can now recognize you as the next of kin to the deceased customer and also i will like you to call me so that we can discuss over this matter.

Do not forget as soon as you send the application to the bank, you try and keep me inform of what you have done.

You are advice to send the application form immedaitely with this new bank email address for easy recieve in the bank ok.

bankofafrica.ourprofile.org@mail.mnmail.mn

boa_customer_deptorg@yahoo.fr

As soon as you have fill the application form you call me immediately on my private line to keep me inform of what you have done sofar.

Thanks my regards to you and the family.
Mr.Domenion.
+226-76 05 54 44. or +226 7841 2822

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Domenion Audu

Date: November 20, 2009

Subject: RE: PLEASE URGENT RESPOND.

Who is Mr. Lupsa?! Are you sharing my personal information with more people than just you!? That would make me sad. Perhaps our everlasting relationship was never destiny, only scattered tears in the wind.

From: Domenion Audu

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 20, 2009

Subject: THAT IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO CALL ME/HAVE YOU SEBT THE APPLICATON TO THE BANK YET?

From: Mrs. Jenny <l.jenny6061@yahoo.com.hk>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 13, 2009

Subject: Mrs. Jenny

Greetings from Jenny Lee,

after going through your information over the internet i decided to contact you for friendship and assistance for distribution of my inheritance towards charity. My name is Jenny Lee; I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have for the good work of charity. I am 60 years old and I was diagnosed for breast cancer for about 2 years now.

I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you for the good work of God, rather than allow my husband evil relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly. They don’t care about man kind, all they care is how to rob some money from me and spend them ungodly. Please pray that the good Lord forgives me my sins. I have asked God to forgive me and I believe he has because He is a merciful God. I will be going in for a surgery soon and I want to make sure that I make this donation before undergoing my surgery.

I decided to donate the sum of $2,500,000 (two million five hundred thousand dollars) to you for the good work of the lord, and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows and unfortunate mothers. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that my husband’s relatives are always around me and trying to see if they can overhear my conversations and my health status as well.

I wish you all the best and may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well and always extend the good work to others. I have informed my consultant about the ($2,500,000.00). it is true that I dont know you and you don’t know, but I have been directed by God to contact you for this. Thanks and God bless. I will direct you further after hearing from you.
NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished as I don’t want anything that will jeopardize my wish. Also I will be contacting with you only by email as I don’t want my husband relations or anybody to know because they are always around me.

Reply me through this my most private email: (jennetlee1@yahoo.com.hk)
Regards,
Mrs. Jenny Lee

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Mrs. Jenny <l.jenny6061@yahoo.com.hk>

Date: November 14, 2009

Subject: Re: Mrs. Jenny

Hello Jenny, and well met this is Leena!

PS-did you know the irish are actually albino blacks??

From: Jenny Lee <l.jenny6061@yahoo.com.hk>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: November 14, 2009

Subject: Re: Dear Leena

With love and peace,
Mrs. Jenny Lee.

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Jenny Lee <l.jenny6061@yahoo.com.hk>

Date: November 15, 2009

Subject: Re: Dear Leena

Hi there Mrs. Jenny, and blessed be the lamb in the bloody rags of christ!

Blessed be the pale,
Leena

                                      Diário de Ana

Quando, lá pelos idos de 2008 criei o blog Diário de “Ana”, nem imaginei que iria sofrer uma série de preconceitos por causa da palavra diário. Também, conheci a internet e fui logo blogar. Feliz da vida. Nem sabia o que me esperava. Linkava todo mundo só para dizer, olha é o fulano do Blog Tal. Não imaginava que estava fazendo spammer.

Nem sabia como este mundo blogosférico funcionava. O que eu queria era escrever. Ia sempre nos mesmos blogues o que me valeu para conhecer pessoas caras para mim mas, deu-me dor de cabeça pois, alguns poderiam até dizer: Lá vem aquela chata, de novo.

Na época um cara aí muito conhecido havia dito que 99% dos blogs na Internet eram como diarinhos desinteressantes.

Ao ler aquilo fiquei P da vida, quis transformar o meu diário em um blog de opinião. Como ainda assim não tinha ficado a meu contento, deletei o Diário de “Ana”.

Não estava conformada com os selinhos que eram repassados pela web e também não via com bons olhos aquela história de Memes. Dizia vamos citar respectivamente um ao outro ao invés de distribuir selos que, quem fez, nem conhecemos. O pessoal ficou de cara comigo e alguns até se afastaram. Tomaram minha opinião pessoal como uma afronta.

Também fiquei com um número bem grande de leitores e naquela época tudo aquilo me assustou.

Como eu era bobinha na época do Diário de “Ana”. Como devem ter zombado de mim pela blogosfera. Naquela época tinha comigo uma fissura por trocar template, imagem de cabeçalho e muito mais.

Só que não tenho nenhum dom artístico e cada vez o blog ficava com uma aparência ridícula. Nunca tive um senso de beleza estética. quando acessava o blog no dia seguinte via o horror que tinha ficado e corria para trocar. Na mesma época descobri um processo depressivo que me fez brigar ou me distanciar de muita gente. Hoje sinto vontade de revê-los.

E não fiquei muito tempo sem blogar, em seguida criei o Simplesmente “Ana”. Neste blog aconteceu algo muito grave e que me decepcionou bastante… outro dia conto aqui.

Ah! Escrevi muito hoje, neste diário. Já tinha prometido que não ia escrever tanto mas, é vício.

                                                  Ana

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED

Dear Leena,

Well you can your mystery shopping job by providing this following information’s

Name in full
Mailing address
Telephone number.

Tim bruce.

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
Date: November 1, 2009
Subject: Re: MYSTERY SHOPPER NEEDED

Hi! Yipee!

Thanks again, and can’t wait to start my MYSTERIOUS SHOPPING! MWA WA WA!
Best,

Leena

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 2, 2009
Subject: MORE DETAILS

Hello Mystery Shopper,

Thanks for your interest in working for this great company,your
details as been received and has been forwarded to our Administrative
department for proper screening and documentation.

Your first  assignment to test your speedy processing of the funds and
your work agility in our company would take place in the next 48
hrs,you are entitled to $300 deduction from  the funds when it arrives
and you will be receiving this Amount Twice a week making the total of
$600 per week.The funds as been sent to the address above and i would
email you a tracking number before the end of the day.I want to use
this medium to welcome you on Board ,a letter of appointment  and job
details will be communicated to you shortly. Once again welcome on
board.

Do confirm the receipt of this message,have a great day.

Best Regards,

Timothy Bruce

From: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
To: Leena Shirlee
Date: November 2, 2009
Subject: PAYMENT DELIVERY

Payment would be  delivered to you  via FedEx today  please email me
immediately to acknowledge receipt of the payment.

This  first  assignment is to test your speedy processing of the funds
and your work agility in our company,you are entitled to $300
deduction from  the funds that arrived  and you will be receiving this
Amount Twice a week making the total of $600 per week.

The amount on the Check will cover the project bills and also your
weekly wages,and the run around for your assignment,kindly proceed to
your bank and cash the funds today ,you are entitled to $300 of the
funds and you are to remit the Balance of the funds to our next
mystery shopper today.

IMPORTANT: THE PAYMENT  IS BRANDED BY OUR BURSARY DEPARTMENT AND WILL
BE CASHED INSTANTLY IN YOUR BANK OR NEXT DAY DEPOSIT.

When the funds is available,you have to deduct $300 and the balance
remainder of the money will be used for your assignment which is
stated below,adhere to the instructions as they are and ask questions
if you find anything confusing.

EXPLANATION ON WHAT YOU NEED TO DO WITH THE BALANCE OF THE FUNDS/IN
YOUR FIRST SHOPPING EXPERIENCE.

Our Finance department has just established a new local and
international money transfer system, a  payment credit company in
Australia and we are eager to begin operations to the general public
here in the states.

The system is called i-cash. We need your services as a mystery
shopper to check out other stores which offer similar services and get
us as much information on them as possible.

For easier process, we recommend you to Visit any WESTERN UNION OUTLET
Nearer to you for your first assignment;you have to visit the  store
and observe their services,you will also transact with them with the
balance of the funds.You will have to make a transfer with the balance
of the Funds from the outlet you wish and Kinldy note the Name of the
Western Unio Outlet for record Purposes

As a secret shopper,you should go there and study how their operations
work while using their money transfer system.

You will test their local and foreign immediate transfer service which
means you will make a transfer at the above store in your location.

The cost of sending the  transfer will be deducted from the amount of
money you are sending.

You will observe how long it takes for them to attend to you, how many
people work on the transfer system, etc.

We cannot state all you need to find out but we can only hint you on
the type of information we need and your future position with this
company will depend on your creativity and your ability to get the job
done in good time.

We do not appreciate delay of assignments for any reason and such may
severely affect your chances of being offered a permanent position in
our company.

Here are the information of the next mystery shopper that you will
bemaking the transfer to,the funds is needed for her assignment, the
funds must be transferred at any western union  location you wish to
Handle,have the funds sent to the name and address below.

NAME:    Sandy VandeVelde
ADDRESS:       251 Carlton Dr
CITY:                    North Olmsted
STATE:                  OH
ZIP CODE:             44070
COUNTRY:            U.S.A

Here is a hint of the type of information we will need from you

-Procedure of attendance:

-How many attendants were at the outlet:

-How many minutes it took for them to attend to you and process transfer:

-Information that you think would be helpful

-Your comments and impressions.

As a secret shopper your job is to observe anything useful going on in
the outlet.

Make sure you observe everything you see in there because you may be
asked some other questions when you return.

You have to ensure that the funds is transferred via western union
money transfer.

Please try as much to be discrete when doing your work as a mystery
shopper,and also make sure that you submit your observational report
at appropriate time.

Also to further finalize this Assignment, you have to get back to us
with the below western union transfer information for the money you
sent to the mystery shopper:

1. Senders Name and Address

2. 10 Digit Money Transfer Control Number {M.T.C.N}

3. The amount transferred after deducting western union charges.

This project shouldn’t take you more than a couple of hours to
execute,we appreciate the  timely submission of your report,that is
the essence of the $300 deduction from the total funds.

We can also determine your efficiency and the commitment you show
towards working with us,this will be seriously considered when
reviewing your position to permanent worker in our company,where u can
earn larger amount of money.

Do get back to me with the detailed reports, including breakdown of
expenses, time spent on your activities and transfer information.

Looking forward to working with you on this project and remember to
pretend to be a client who wants to send money so they won’t detect
that you are a secret shopper.

Should you have any other questions or need more Instructions as to
your first assignment, send me an email for further details.

Kindly email me as soon as you get this message. I hope to hear from you today.

Kind Regards
Timothy Bruce.

From: Leena Shirlee
To: Timothy Bruce <shoppersguidetb@gmail.com>
Date: November 11, 2009
Subject: Re: CHEVY’S REPORT

Hi there, Bruce! I have completed the assignment you’ve given me. I hope you find my report satisfactory! I wore my Undercover Mother outfit as not to arouse fear in the staff or customers, due to my hideously disfigured body.Please let me know if there are any further details you need!

Cheers,
Leena

Aribba! Aribba!

Pesquisadores calculam que 70% do volume global de mensagens não solicitadas no último mês estavam relacionadas a medicamentos.

Spams representam 91% dos e-mails enviados diariamente, diz McAfee – Internet – IDG Now!.

Resolva seus problemas em questão de dias

Baseado no post do Blog do Alvin, disponível em: http://blog.alvin.com.br/index.php/10/2009/brigando-com-o-spam/comment-page-1/#comment-63

Você está revoltado com seus e-mails? Recebe mais spam do que mensagens que te interessam? Desconfia que todo mundo acha que você é gordo ou tem impotência sexual, ou ambos?

SEUS PROBLEMAS ESTÃO BEM LONGE DE ACABAR!!!

Mas, não se desespere! Há maneiras fáceis de começar a resolve-los gradativamente. Basta seguir as dicas abaixo e mudar um pouco seus hábitos com relação à internet. Vamos lá:

Como se proteger do spam?

Existem diversos tipos de SPAM, saiba identificá-los:

1. SPAM através de e-mail coletado

Este é o tipo mais comum de SPAM, o spammer usa um computador com um programa robô (bot) que navega em páginas e páginas da internet coletando tudo que envolve o caracter ‘@’, tem @ ele sabe que é e-mail, então esse e-mail é salvo numa base de dados e está pronto para receber spam.

Mas como saber se seu e-mail pode ser achado em algum website?
Simples, apele para o São Google e pesquise pelo seu e-mail, se você achar algum resultado já comece a ficar muito triste porque se você achou, spammers acharão. Esse é o pior dos casos.

A solução: é simples e radical, delete seu e-mail atual e crie um novo por mais que dê trabalho informar o novo e-mail para seus contatos. Os spammers nunca o deixarão quieto e nenhum filtro bayesiano será capaz de filtrar as mensagens que você receberá. Crie um e-mail novo e caso você tenha um site NÃO publique seu e-mail nele, gere um formulário para que usuários que acessam o site entrem em contato com você ou sua empresa.

Erro tosco de solução: veja bem quem vai desenvolver o formulário do seu site, muitos pseudoprogramadores costumam colocar o e-mail num campo oculto do formulário (hidden) de envio de e-mail, lembro que há bots que lêem os códigos das páginas e não somente o resultado gerado na tela. O e-mail deve ir dentro do arquivo de processamento do formulário, não nele.

2. SPAM executado por vírus

É o segundo tipo mais recebido de SPAM, ocupam grande parte do tráfego da rede e é facilmente filtrado, ocorre da seguinte forma:

1- O computador de alguém (não o seu) é infectado por um vírus;
2- No computador desse seu querido amigo tem seu endereço no catálogo de endereços do programa de e-mail;
3- O vírus manda mensagens para cada pessoa da lista com intuito de se propagar ou outro qualquer;
4- O vírus manda a mensagem para as pessoas utilizando nome de outras pessoas do catálogo de endereços, não necessariamente chegará com o nome de um amigo seu;

Pelo fato acima não precisa mandar e-mail xingando quem te mandou o e-mail, porque nem sempre ela tem o vírus na máquina e sim outro bonitão que também a tem no catálogo de endereço.

A solução: esteja sempre com um anti-vírus atualizado para o caso de vírus que se propagam, veja se seu provedor tem anti-vírus no servidor, com regras evitando links para arquivos considerados suspeitos. Infelizmente muitos e-mails chegarão, portanto tenha paciência e espere que o bonitão com vírus veja que está infectado e remova a peste da máquina dele.

Erro tosco de solução: antigamente muita gente falava: “Ahhh, cadastra um e-mail inválido na primeira posição do seu catálogo de endereços, assim se você estiver com algum vírus que se propaga para o catálogo, ele pegará este e-mail primeiro, dará erro e não enviará para os outros” – Bicho… o cara fez um vírus que se propaga por e-mail, totalmente otimizado, que carrega junto com o seu Windows, que você nem sabe como pega… não acha que ele não consegue fazer um código que não perceba que determinado contato possui e-mail inválido e pule para o outro? Esqueça essa.

3. SPAM por domínio

Se você possui um domínio na Internet realmente recebe esse tipo de SPAM. O que os spammers fazem é pesquisar por nomes de domínios na internet, ex: alvin.com.br e mandam mensagens para e-mails comuns a todos os domínios e que se tornaram padrão por muito tempo na Internet, são chamados paradigmas da era do e-mail, caixas como:

postmaster@
webmaster@
support@
suporte@
sales@
vendas@
administrator@
administrador@
info@
contact@
contato@
root@
abuse@

A solução: não tenha e-mails com nomes padrões no seu domínio, como vendas@, comercial@ etc, apague também os e-mails padrões criados pelo seu provedor, normalmente postmaster@ e root@, caso não possa apagá-los não encaminhe seu conteúdo para nenhuma caixa-postal que você realmente utilize. Deixe para olhar essas caixas de vez em quando.

Erro tosco de solução: apagar a caixa abuse é pecado, porque é onde você recebe mensagens sobre uso abusivo do nome do seu domínio, como por exemplo e-mails passados por vírus ou quando algum spammer “personifica” seu e-mail em mensagens. Portanto mantenha-a apesar do SPAM, mas vale a dica de não encaminhar para nenhuma caixa-postal que você utilize com frequência.

Coisa tosca de se fazer: criar um e-mail catch all para receber mensagens na sua caixa-postal de uso frequente, isso é pedir para receber milhares de spams diariamente, desista disso se não for kamikaze ou sadomasoquista.

4. SPAM usando dicionário

O cara pega um domínio e utiliza um arquivo texto com milhões de nomes para enviar SPAMS, alguém vai ter que se ferrar, claro, funciona assim, sei que existe o domínio alvin.com.br e tenho uma lista com milhões de nomes, tipo:

joao
pedro
maria
fernanda
alvin
mario
cardoso
calvin
fatima
william
willian
josue
eduardo

Normalmente esses ataques são contra grandes provedores, que tem milhões de usuários e as chances de spammers receberem mensagens são muito grandes, é a forma mais burra de se mandar SPAM, mas fazem.

A solução: crie e-mails com nome.sobrenome@dominio, ou a primeira letra do primeiro nome e sobrenome, exemplo ahenrique@dominio, dessa maneira será mais difícil receber esse tipo de mensagem.

Erro tosco de solução: seu provedor não notar que tem um engraçadinho mandando centenas de milhares de mensagens para *@dominio.com.br e não barrar o engraçadinho. Mude de provedor de serviços nesse caso.

5. SPAM para e-mails coletados em correntes de boatos * HOAX

Boatos com gente que engoliu os dedos do pé direito, pessoas com câncer, etc são passados normalmente por seus amigos que receberam de outros amigos, então vão sendo encaminhados e dentro da mensagem podemos ver uma incrível lista de quem já recebeu a mensagem. Prato cheio para spammers, uma hora ou outra a mensagem parará na caixa de algum spammer que coletará os e-mails e infernizará sua vida com mensagens como “Exames de próstata sem dor”, “Emagreça dormindo”, “Filmes pornôs de vampiras lésbicas e kickboxers gratuitos” etc.

A solução: não repasse para a frente, muito simples.

A melhor solução: fale para seu querido amigo que adora enviar correntes de e-mail que você não deseja receber mais mensagens desse tipo.

Mais dicas para se prevenir de SPAM:

» Utilize um excelente programinha como o MailWasher para limpar sua caixa antes de baixar;
» Nunca encaminhe mensagens a um grupo de pessoas usando Cópia Carbono (CC), utilize o Cópia Carbono Oculta (BCC), assim não há risco de alguém “doar” sem querer a lista a algum spammer;
» Nunca adicione o e-mail de algum amigo seu em sites promocionais, listas de e-mail e pergunte-o antes qual e-mail dele deve cadastrar em qualquer site que vá enviar algo para ele, ex: cartão virtual, lembretes de aniversário, convite para participar de comunidades, indicação de sites, etc;
» Crie um e-mail somente para se inscrever em sites de comércio eletrônico, cartões virtuais, comunidades virtuais, discos virtuais, listas de discussão, sites de relacionamentos e chats iRC.

Conhecendo como os spammers agem podemos lutar contra eles.

O gmail.com oferece uma conta com excelente filtro antispam, mesmo assim ainda recebo em média de 10~15 e-mails que não são classificados por dia, resolvo o problema marcando a mensagem como spam e na próxima vez ela entrará direto na pastinha de spam.

Eu acrescentaria mais algumas sugestões:

1 – Se a maior parte dos spams são gerados por máquinas de pessoas comuns infectadas por vírus que agem como “servidores de spams”, sem que o usuário saiba, cortar o mal pela raíz seria a solução mais lógica. Considere, então, utilizar sistemas imunes a esse tipo de vírus, como Linux.

2 – Se você usa Windows, pare de usar o Outlook Express e comece a acessar seus e-mails pelo navegador (webmail). Assim, suas mensagens não serão baixadas para o computador e a possibilidade de infecção é muito menor. Outra vantagem é que você não fica dependendo de uma única máquina para acessar seus e-mails. Você pode usar qualquer uma com acesso à internet (mas cuidado ao utilizar máquinas que são compartilhadas por muitas pessoas como lan houses e laboratórios de informática de escolas, ambos com estações Windows). Esse problema também desaparece usando Linux.

3 – Pare de usar o navegador Internet Explorer e comece a utilizar alternativas como o Mozilla Firefox, o Opera ou o Google Chrome. O Internet Explorer é conhecido por ser o mais visado e o mais cheio de falhas, portanto, se quiser diminuir os riscos, escolha um com menos buracos. Esse problema também desaparece usando Linux.

4 – Nunca clique em links recebidos em e-mails, a menos que você tenha certeza absoluta do destino desses links. Se você apenas passar o cursor do mouse sobre o link, sem clicar, o endereço de destino aparece no canto inferior esquerdo do seu navegador, seja qual ele for. Assim, você pode identificar o destino do link e se ele leva a uma página que você não conhece e não sabe a quem pertence. Mas cuidado: links aparentemente legítimos podem ser utilizados, como, www.bb.net (que não tem absolutamente nada a ver com o Banco do Brasil). Portanto, se você não tem absoluta certeza do link, então não clique. Esse problema também desaparece usando Linux.

5 – Fique atento à velocidade da sua internet. É muito provável que se você está achando que sua internet está lenta, sua máquina esteja sendo usada por crackers ou para envio de spam. Sim, pode ser problemas com provedor ou com seu Windows, mas, se você procura a causa e não encontra, é possível que ela esteja se escondendo de você, como os vírus.

6 – O Alvin aconselha a manter seu antivirus atualizado. Politicamente, não posso ser contra essa atitude, apesar de saber que ela é um tanto quanto ineficiente. O antivírus não vai te salvar se você não mudar hábitos. Além disso, existem maneiras corretas de se usar os programas antivírus que a maioria das pessoas não conhecem. Ingenuamente, acham que o fato de ter um antivírus instalado torna a máquina inexpugnável. Nada mais longe da realidade por alguns motivos simples:

• Os antivírus precisam ser instalados e configurados por pessoas que saibam como fazê-lo. Instalados por leigos são completamente ineficientes.
• Os antivíirus não trabalham sozinhos. Eles precisam de ajuda de três outros fatores: um antispyware, um firewall bem configurados e um usuário consciente. Sem qualquer um desses fatores, são inúteis.
• Os antivírus estão sempre um passo atrás dos crackers. Ou seja, se um vírus é descoberto e incluído na lista de vírus do programa, é porque alguém o criou antes e já o espalhou. Resumindo: não se trata de uma “vacina”, como a indústria de software insiste em “informar”, mas de um tratamento para uma doença que já foi contraída. Ou seja, o estrago já pode ter sido feito antes mesmo de você atualizar seu antivírus.

Abaixo, alguns links para sites que podem ajudá-lo a se proteger e ajudar a reduzi-los:

• Site do CERT (Comitê Gestor da Internet no Brasil) exclusivo sobre o tema spam – http://www.antispam.br/
• Cartilha do CERT sobre segurança na internet, capítulo sobre spam – http://cartilha.cert.br/spam/
• Página da RNP (Rede Nacional de Ensino e Pesquisa) sobre spam – http://www.rnp.br/newsgen/0101/spam.html
• Página inicial da cartilha sobre spam do site Quatro Cantos – http://www.quatrocantos.com/antispam/index.htm

Agora, um pequeno depoimento:

Eu uso exclusivamente webmail e Linux há cerca de 5 anos. Tenho uma conta de e-mail que uso para preencher formulários, digamos, de pretensões duvidosas e outra para meu e-mails do dia a dia. A conta que uso para acessar o messenger também é diferente. Recebo, em média umas 50 mensagens por dia e, dessas, apenas umas 10 são spam e caem direto na caixa de spam, sem poluir minha caixa de entrada. Raríssimas vezes recebo spam em minha caixa de entrada e, quando isso acontece basta eu clicar um botão para marcá-la como spam e não mais receber mensagens daquele remetente ou assunto de novo. Não repasso mensagens de tipo nenhum e, se alguma me parece séria e de interesse para outras pessoas, primeiro pesquiso a origem e, só depois de ter certeza de que é séria, encaminho para alguns dos meus contatos com cópia oculta. Não parei de receber spams, devido a hábitos errados com relação à internet que tive no passado. Mas a quantidade desses e-mails indesejados diminuiu significativamente, a ponto de não me incomodar mais.

Minha máquina não tem Windows, não tem antivírus, não tem anti-spyware, não tem firewall, e eu não tenho medo. Acredito que isso seja uma confirmação de que mudar pequenos hábitos e ser mais cuidadoso não custa nada e pode melhorar muito a qualidade da internet em particular, e da vida como um todo.

Oggi mi sono arrivate un paio di e-mail di spam, come sempre. Eccone una:

Ciao! Come vanno le cose? I Nataliya!
Ci siamo incontrati su un sito di incontri!
Ti ricordi di me? Non ho avuto il tempo di rispondere immediatamente.
Ma ora saro lieto di parlare con te. Sono una donna sola.
Ho 27 anni. Voglio propria famiglia. Ma non ho gli uomini.
So che anche voi state cercando una donna per creare una famiglia.
Saro felice di parlare con voi!

Scrivi alla mia e-mail:  ***********@yahoo.com

Se si risponde a e-mail posso inviarti la mia immagine.
Impazienza attendere la risposta sara! Nataliya!

Ma c’è ancora qualcuno che abbocca a queste e-mail? E-mail che, tra l’altro, sono scritte in una inconfondibile lingua: quella dei traduttori automatici.

Immediately after publishing blog-posts about a previously banned member of my forum and his campaign to ruin my forum's image, the banned member 'Foolness' mindlessly decided to resort to mudslinging.  Rather than further elaborating and giving us better reasons as to why he believes me to be the true spammer of HikikomoriForum, he had decided to take the wrong route. His accusations towards me are still accusations that you could use against any other member of HikikomoriForum.

How is he mudslinging? What he's doing now is simply saying that I am the spammer. He doesn't suspect it, he knows it (or at least, that's what he wants people to think).

On his blogs, he has a list of links to various hikikomori resources; one of the links is a link to my forum HikiCulture. When visiting his blog earlier today, I couldn't believe my eyes when I realized that he actually had the nerve to stick "(Warning: admin a spammer)" beside the link to HikiCulture. This was unwise of him for various reasons. First of all, if he truly knew that I was the spammer of the forum, he wouldn't have left the link up to my forum on his blog. Foolness has now resorted to mindless mud-slinging – nothing more.

Here's a link to the blog-post where he has links to various hikikmori resources – http://hiki.posterous.com/links-to-english-hikkikomori-discussion-board

Here's a comment I left Foolness on his blog:

It was such an unwise move of yours to put "HikiCulture: (Warning: Admin a spammer)" right after I provided people with strong evidence of you being the spammer. The claims you've made towards me aren't what I'd consider to be 'evidence' at all, and could be used against anyone.

While there is strong evidence that you're in fact the spammer, I will still not say that you're 'actually' the spammer. Nobody knows who the spammer is, but the person most suspect is you, especially now considering that you've resorted to childish mudslinging.

If you really believed me to be the spammer, you wouldn't have kept the HikiCulture link up.

Now, not only have I exposed you for being the likely spammer, but people now get to see how childish you can be. This stunt of yours only heightens the chances of you being the spammer. This is childish mud-slinging – nothing more.

If you ever wish to spam a forum in the future, be sure to think things through. You're really starting to ruin your reputation.

Once again, there is irony here: remember how you claimed Quasar (an admin of my forum) to be a mudslinger? Well, look at what you've become – a mudslinger. The only difference was that with Quasar, he wasn't mudslinging, he just had gotten you mixed up with another previously banned member – it was a misunderstanding. and I was quick to let you know this.

You're simply mudslinging here.

Posted via email from HikiCulture – A Forum For Reclusive People (and Hikikomori)

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Edward Rosen <camped@campedwards.org>

Date: November 5, 2009

Subject:Re: Employment Offers

In other words, I do humbly accept your job offer as seamstress at H&M Fabrics. Though you didn’t ask for work samples, I will send you a few pictures of my “creations” –I hope you’ll be able to sense the hard work and artistry I am capable of.  (Please, I hope you are not offended by them, they are only costumes and meant for fun only).

I have been working endless pointless office jobs my whole life, but the truth is, I only feel truly alive when I am at my sewing machine!!!. All the cares of the world disappear, and I become one with the fabric while the machine whirs it’s lullaby to me. I am especially good with linen, and chenille. Infact, if I have children (the doctor says I have bum eggs) I will name them Linen Christoff (if it’s a boy) and Chenille May (If it’s a girl!).

Please let me know if you would like me to come in for a formal sit-down interview, or if you would like more samples of my work.

Throwing myself out the window no more and stepping into the glory of personal victory!!!! Thank you Mr. Rosen, you are a godsend!!
Leena

Believe it or not, this is a special linen from Thailand!!

A previously banned member of my forum who goes by the name of 'Foolness' on HikikomoriForum (and various hikikomori-related blogs), has been trying his hardest to ruin my image, the image of my forum's users and the forum (HikiCulture) in general. He's been calling my forum a 'spam forum' and constantly makes negative comments about me, my forum and its users. Nobody else (minus a few banned members) seem to have any problems with me, staff or the forum itself. Let me note that it is very common for banned forum-members to start campaigns against staff members of forums/sites they previously got banned from – always take a banned-member's claims with a pinch of salt. Simply visit my forum to see that it is not a 'spam forum' like he labels it to be.

Foolness has had me under close scrutiny since getting banned from my forum a few months ago. I thought he would have let up by now, but he's obviously going to try as hard as he can to harm my forum's image.

Anyway, a little while ago, some spammer spammed HikikomoriForum. Foolness was quick to label me as being the spammer, even though he admitted to being online on the forum as the spamming occurred. This in itself doesn't help his case, but the fact that he was online on a forum that had also admitted to having stopped using was strange to me (why would he have been online as the spamming occurred on a forum he 'stopped' using?) Additional things I found strange were that he was quick to label me as being a spammer, even though there was and still is about as much evidence for me being the spammer as there is anyone else. There simply would have not been any gain for me to have spammed it (people tend to not do things when there is no gain). One last thing – why were his screen-shots of the forum cropped, preventing us from seeing what time it was when the screen-shots were captured? The spammer may or may not have been online as he took those screen-shots and actually, for all we know, he may have taken those screen-shots while logged into a spam account.

While I have lots of fairly hard evidence that makes him a good spam candidate, all he uses against me is a silly comment I had made in a thread hours before the spamming had occurred:

"Me and thirteen other people are talking about you in my IRC channel right now Foolness. Do you think we are saying positive, or negative things? You have a day to answer. If you don't answer, I'll beat you up."

He calls the above 'evidence' that I am the spammer of the forum, when the above was simply a display of my sense-of-humor. I simply said it to get him off my case – to show him that I was no longer interested in what he had to say. If he actually took such a ridiculous statement seriously, then he is simply is a fool (I must say, 'Foolness' is quite an accurate nickname for him.)

Something I'd like to point out is that Foolness follows the 4Chan blog on Tumblr, which shows you that he holds 4Chan in high regard – this should be reason enough to take all of his words with a pinch of salt.

To finish this off, I'll say this:

The irony in this whole thing is the fact that Foolness is literally spamming many sites with links to his blogs about a spammer who he (for very poor reasons) believes to be me or people from my forum. I believe the purpose of this is for him to get more recognition and subscribers to his blogs. People are starting to get fed up with him posting spammy links to his blogs, and I hope to god that he'll eventually get the picture that people are fed up with his BS.

By the way, just to let you know, the title of this post is a spoof of Foolness' 'HikiCulture Admin Strongly Suspected of Spamming' blog-post where he accused me of being a spammer - HikiCulture Admin Strongly Suspected of Spamming

Posted via email from HikiCulture – A Forum For Reclusive People (and Hikikomori)

— On Wed, 11/4/09, FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com> wrote:

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: The details of the Attorney
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, November 4, 2009, 6:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 04/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Based on the picture you painted and irrespective of my resolved to help you, I do not think that we can handle the situation over here. So I suggest you make use of an attorney to do the signing for you. Please, contact the attorney whose details are stated below:-

Name: Barrister Charles Eke (SAN)

Name of the legal firm: Eligwe Chambers

Address: No. 23 Collins Avenue , Victoria Island , Lagos Nigeria

Telephone No: +234- 8027519939

Email: eligwechambers@gmx.de or eligwechambers@lawyer.com

He is a very good and dedicated lawyer, he is also God fearing. I know that he can make the difference for you. Do remember that you are not to pay for his legal fees until you confirm your payment with your bankers.

However, shall provide for the administrative fees, e.g. the stamp-duty of the Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment, as he shall not finance your transaction; attorneys are prohibited by law against it.

Instruct him to prepare to be in my office between Fridays, 6th of November to Friday, 13^th of November 2009, with your file reference number: FBNP/X-XI/NGV/2009, for the signing of your payment documents.

Thanks, as I expect to hear from you introducing the attorney as your official representative.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Dept

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: November 5th, 2009

Subject: Re: The Details of the Attorney”

DEAR MR. NIGERIA, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX, NOW I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND RARELY TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN BUT WHAT IN THE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH LAWYERS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BUYING ME A TICKET TO FLY TO NIGERIA, AND I WAS BUSY PACKING MY BAGS AND NOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT LAWYERS? I HAVE NOTHING BUT BAD ASSOCIATIONS WITH LAWYERS. LAWYERS ARE THE REASON MY SISTERS EX HUSBAND (WHO ATTEMPTED TO CHOKE HER WITH A TURKEY LEG ONE THANKSGIVING) RUNS FREE IN THE WORLD, AND LAWYERS ARE WHY MY GRANDDADDY LOST HIS ESTATES AND WAS SENT TO AN INSTITUTION WHERE THEY LEFT HIM IN A CORNER DROOLING UNTIL HE DIED A LONELY BROKEN MAN.

I SUPPOSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT MY LATE HUSBAND ALSO DID NOT TRUST LAWYERS INFACT HE HAD A JOKE HE TOLD  THAT GOES LIKE THIS–”A LAWYER, A MONKEY, AND SANTA CLAUS WERE IN HEAVEN WAITING AT THE PEARLY GATES. GOD LOOKED AT THE MONKEY AND SAID YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER BIT NOBODY, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.”  HE LOOKED AT SANTA AND SAID “YOU WERE NICE, YOU NEVER DIDDLED NO KIDS AND YOU STAYED FAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE, NOW GO TO HEAVEN.” HE LOOKED AT THE  LAWYER, AND SAID “YOU TOOK A WRONG TURN BUDDY, GO CHECK YOUR MAP.”

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, THEN SAY IT TO ME, I DO NOT WANT NO RATFINK LAWYERS INTERCEDING IN OUR BUSINESS AFFAIRS. YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD MAN AND I WONDER WHY YOU WOULD AGREE TO LET CORRUPT LAYWERS HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS.

SPECIFICALLY YOURS,
BEULAH BIJOUX

I FOUND IT IN MY HOPE CHEST

2009/11/5 king <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

My name is Mrs. SARAH King I am a dying woman who has decided to
donate what I have to charity through you.You may be wondering why I
chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I am 59 years old and was
diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago,immediately after the death of
my husband who had left me everything he worked for.I have been
touched by the lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late
husband to charity through you for the good work of humanity,rather
than allow my relatives to use my husband’s hard earned funds
inappropriately.I have asked the lord to forgive me all my sins and I
believe he has,because He is merciful. I will be going in for an
operation,and I pray that I survive the operation.I have decided to
WILL/Donate the sum of $10.5 Million (10 Million five hundred thousand
Dollars) to charity through you for the good work of the lord, and to
help the motherless,less privileged and also fortheassistance of the
widows At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the
fact that my relatives are around me and I have been restricted by my
doctor from taking telephone calls because I deserve all the rest I
can get.Presently,I have informed my lawyer about my decision in
WILLING this fund to charity through you. I wish you all the best and
may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well
and always extend the good work to others.If you are interested in
carrying out this task,i will inform my family Lawyer so that he can
arrange the release of the funds to you.I know i have never met you
but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely.I will
pay you 30% of this money if you will assist me because I am now too
weak and fragile to do things myself because of my cancer.NB: I will
appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task
is accomplished,as I don’t want anything that will Jeopardize my last
wish, due to the fact that I do not want relatives or family members
standing in the way of my last wish. pls send email to my privet,
address Love,SARAH King

From: Leena Shirlee

To: Sarah King <sarahkings191s@hotmail.com>

Date: November 3rd, 2009

Subject: Re: Charity Projects

Hello Sarah, and well met this is Leena!

I praise the bouncing  baby jesus that you found me–how did you know I’ve been down-and-out and seeking some sort of sign from the universe that my work here on earth can truly begin? You must be receptive to the energies of angels, for they do float hither and yon. Most of them yon. We cannot see them because we are too selfish, like your selfish relatives. But I see them, and they all look like you Sarah. From their twinkling little eyes to their feather soft bottoms, to their prehensile tails. If it looks like an angel, whispers like an angel, then it must be Sarah King

I am sorry to hear about your cancer–what kind of cancer was it? Cancer is the second saddest thing I can think to happen to a person. The first is a bite from the brown reclusive spiders. I do hope you’ll pull through your surgery!

Now about my charity work. I have started a few charities here in the Bay Area and sadly I haven’t been able to find the funding for them. I was just about to give up and turn to the bottle when your email arrived, blessed day!!

The first is a program that allows terminally ill children to run with grizzly bears. It’s called “Li’l Grizzlies” and it has been in operation for a few years now. I have made many many children happy–it’s so spiritually uplifting to frolic with gods creatures, don’t you think? Yet, sadly there are some parents who think this might be putting children in danger somehow. I promise them that whatever happens to their child during our “Kid- N’ -Klaws”  nature hikes,  will not be nearly as bad as dying of cancer. It’s all about perspective.

The other program I have is called “Toupets” basically, it’s creating hairpieces and wigs for animals that have lost their hair in a fire, or (like you) from cancer. It’s very humiliating (and cold!!)  for cats and dogs to be without their fur! Brrrrr! I met this wonderful woman, Beulah Bijoux, who creates very realistic “fur” weaves, wigs, and toupes for bald doggies and kitties near and far. Such a good thing!

Just one small thing, Sarah. I know it sounds foolish but I would like to make sure you’re not a “spam” bot (I mean, why would anyone lie about having cancer?!) so if you could please just answer a few brief questions for me, so I know you’re real (please forgive me, but the lord advises me to be wary of something that seems to be too good of a thing!)

Here are the questions:

1: What is your favorite breakfast food, and why?

2: Which clown?

Thank you sarah, and I cannot wait for us to do the lords work together!
In the bloody rag of christ,
Leena

Éh ben ! J’ai reçu dans mes courriels ce matin une formidable occasion d’affaire et je veux la partager avec vous.

J’aime ça, les lettres toutes en capitale comme dans ce courriel, ça dénote l’urgence d’agir. Un peu comme quand on parle à une grand-mère un peu dure d’oreille.

Cependant, je me demande bien qu’est-ce que j’ai bien pu faire pour venir à l’attention de quelqu’un qui reste en Afrique ! Et pas n’importe qui, oh non, monsieur/madame ! Quelqu’un qui est relié au président du Ghana !

Mais, je suis un petit peu désolée que l’on se soit trompé de sexe dans mon cas. Ciel ! Si l’on a été capable de me retracer et penser à moi pour cette formidable offre, il me semble que l’on aurait dû savoir que je suis de sexe féminin…

Et il y a bien quelques petites fautes de frappe dans ce courriel mais peut-être est-ce à cause de l’enthousiasme et la générosité de monsieur Abdullai Abubakar et aussi sûrement l’urgence de la situation ? Mais qu’importe, ce ne sont que des détails !

En tout cas, je veux partager avec vous ma bonne fortune. Voici le courriel en question de manière à ce que vous aussi pourrez profiter de ce fabuleux cadeau tomber du ciel de l’Afrique !

From: abdullaiabubak@gmail.com
Subject: RE: RELEASE OF TWO CONSIGNMENT BOXES IN YOUR NAME.
Date: November 5, 2009 4:09:51 AM EST (CA)
To: undisclosed-recipients: ;
Reply-To: abdullaiabubakar@gmail.com

KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT ACCRA GHANA
OFFICE OF THE CUSTOMS
PRESIDENCIAL CASTLE,
MARITIME AND AVIATION UNIT,
ACCRA – GHANA .

FROM THE DESK OF THE CHAIRMAN,
DECONGESTION COMMITTEE SEAPORTS & AIRPORT
PRESIDENTIAL CASTLE,HIGH STREET.

RE: RELEASE OF TWO CONSIGNMENT BOXES IN YOUR NAME.

ATTN;SIR/

THIS IS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE FOR ALL THE FOREIGN CONSIGNEE THAT AFTER THE BOARD MEETING WHICH WAS HELD BY UN AND ECOWAS BOARD MEMBERS, IN COLLABORATION WITH THE G8 COMMITTEE,WE ARE GIVEN YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY TO RECEIVE YOUR COUNSIGNMENT/FUNDS WHICH HAS BEEN HELD FOR LONG PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO YOUR WRONG DEALINGS WITH NONE UNITED NATIONS OFFICALS AND NONE GOVERMENTAL DOCUMENTATION, AND WE LIKE YOU TO FOLLOW UP OUR INSTRCUTION NOW THAT UN HAS FINALLY APPROVED THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND.

UNITED NATIONS HAS DECIDED TO RELEASE THESE BOXES/FUND, DUE TO THE REPORTS OF FOREIGN INVESTORS LIKE YOU WHO’S CONSIGNMENTS BOXES AND FUNDS HAVE SINCE BEEN CEASED FOR LONG PERIOD OF TIME DUE TO SOME DOCUMENTS AND CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE THAT WAS NOT LEGALLY APPROVED BY UN.

THE CONSIGNMENT BOXES WOULD HAVE BEEN RELEASEDTO YOU SINCE, BUT YOU NEVER CAME FOR THE CLAIMS OF YOUR TWO CONSIGNMENT BOXES, SO WE WISH TO USE THIS MEANS OF OUR DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITIES, TO GET IT DELIVERED TO YOU AT YOUR DOOR STEP ADDRESS OVER THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY.

WE WANT YOU TO GIVE US AS FOLLOWS SO WE CAN ACTUALLY AFFECT THIS DELIVERY TO YOU WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.
(1. COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICENCE.
(2. YOUR HOME AND OFFICE ADDRESS.
(3 YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE NUMBER, AND FAX NUMBER.

ONCE WE RECEIVE THIS FROM YOU, A U.N ACCREDITED DIPLOMAT WHO WILL ACCOMPANY THE DELIVERY OF YOUR TRUNK BOXES AT YOUR DOOR STEP ADDRESS WILL BE APPOINTED WHILE HIS FLIGHT SCHEDULE WILL BE FORWARD TO YOU FOR CONFIRMATION OF HIS TIME AND DATE OF ARRIVAL IN YOUR COUNTRY.

ALSO SEND TO US NAME OF YOUR NEAREST INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT TO YOUR CITY OR THE AIRPORT YOU WANT THE DIPLMAT TO ARRIVE WITH YOUR
CONSIGNMENT BOXES. GET BACK TO US ASAP.

THIS DELIVERY IS URGENT,AND ONCE WE REVCEIVE YOUR REPLY WE WILL START PROCESSING ALL THE RELEVANT DOCUMENTS THAT WILL EMPOWER THE DIPLOMAT TO SUCCESSFULLY MAKE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT WITHOUT INTERFERENCE OF ANY LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENTS IN YOUR COUNTRY.

REGARDS,
MR ABDULLAI ABUBAKAR

I received the above email letting me in on a fabulous business deal. I am so excited, I just had to share the details with you in case you too want to take advantage of this fantastic opportunity.

So anyway, I want to share with you my good fortune. Read that email above so you too can take advantage of this awesome gift falling from the African sky!

Sanford Wallace – A king of spammer that is in light again, because  Social networking site Facebook has won $711 million against Sanford Wallace for sending spam mail from Facebook user account  without permission.

“We won another battle in the fight against spam,” said Facebook, on blog. Some body called Sanford Wallace “Spam King”. And this is not first time when court has fined on Sanford Wallace as a spammer, but in May, 2008, social network site MySpace won a $230 million judgment against Wallace for sending junk messages (spam mail).

The Spam King Sanford Wallace game is not over let me expose that Federal Trade Commission (FTC) also was fined $4 million in 2006 for Sanford Wallace’s excessive pop-up ads.

Spam King Sanford Wallace lives in Las Vegas, according to the court, and a phone message for him was not immediately returned.

Earlier this year, a US court had issued a temporary restraining order against three spammers -(1) Sanford Wallace, (2) Adam Arzoomanian and (3) Scott Shaw , for sending unwanted messages and wall posts to people on Facebook.

Just when you thought it was safe to Tweet and Facebook.  Don’t look now, but spam is starting to infiltrate your favorite social networks. Not satisfied with stuffing our email inboxes anymore, spammers are hopping on the social network bandwagon. And it’s not just unwanted marketing messages showing up, noooo.  It’s phishing and malicious malware.

If social networks don’t take action to increase their security and fight back, upstanding marketers may leave the social networks in the dust!

I’ve not surprised. Several times recently, I’ve finished reading an article or someone’s blog post on a LinkedIn group site, only to have a whole bunch of new windows start popping up all over my computer screen. I have to shut down my laptop to clear everything out.  It’s frustrating the heck out of me.

On the bright side, social networks and the federal government are starting to take action. MarketingVox recently noted that Facebook and MySpace are among the social networks stepping up their monitoring and prosecuting activities. And state attorneys general are also getting into the mix.  The article also warned social network members to be vigilant about putting too much personal information online.

I’d love to hear anyone else’s experience with social network spam. Maybe if we start voicing our complaints to the social networks, they will work harder to keep us safe.

Facebook brought suit against Sanford Wallace, a notorious online marketer and spammer, claiming that Wallace and his affiliates created Facebook accounts through which they established a phishing scheme in November 2008.

The suit was based on the so called CAN-SPAM Act (‘‘Controlling the Assault of Non-Solicited Pornography and Marketing Act of 2003’’) and Facebook claimed cited 14 million violations to that law and $7.5 billion in damages.

Last week, Facebook eventually prevailed and was awarded damages upwards of $700 million in the District Court in San Jose, California.

Though Facebook may never receive the entire $700 million award, considering Wallace filed bankruptcy, the verdict sends a strong messages to spammers and would-be spammers to stay off social networks.

From: FirstBank Info <firstbanknig@zoho.com>
Subject: We have commenced the process
To: beulahbijoux@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, November 2, 2009, 8:13 AM

FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

Truly the first

Corporate Headquarters:

HEAD OFFICE: SAMUEL ASABIA HOUSE,

No. 35 MARINA LAGOS

Direct Tel: +234-80559-11132, FAX: +234-70684-49701

Our Ref: FBNP/X-XI/2009

Date: 02/11/2009

Attention: Beulah Bijoux,

Your mail and the content well noted. We have commenced the processing of your payment today. However, it is very important that I intimate you with the full procedure of this transaction to prepare you ahead.

Firstly, you have to give this your transaction the attention it deserve because we have huge task to clear all unpaid debts and can only achieve this with your maximum cooperation and your willingness to adhere to instructions.

We have received instruction form the Presidency, Federal Republic of Nigeria to release a total sum of US$5,500,000.00 (Five Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) to you in two tranches. US$800,000.00 (Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be first installment while the balance US$4,700,000.00 (Four Million Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) shall be release to you within two you received the first installment. We have applied for the final approval and for the payment documents, i.e. Payment Release Order and the Certificate of Payment; these documents shall be ready by Thursday 5^th of November 2009, for signing.

Based on this information you are expected in my office between Friday, 6^th of November through Wednesday, 13^th of November 2009 (6working days) for the signing of these documents before your funds shall be effectively transferred into your bank account.

However, in a situation where you can not make it to Nigeria within this stated time, you should let us know early so that we can make alternative arrangement. We can help you by suggesting the names and contacts of some the government nominated attorneys that can help you in signing the documents to facilitating the release of your funds.

Please, feel free to contact me anytime on my direct telephone number +234-80559-11132, for further discussion if need be.

Best Regards,

Harrison KARN

Director, Foreign Payment Department

First Bank of Nigeria PLC

From: Beulah Bijxoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: Harrison Karn <firstbanknig@zoho.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: We have commenced the process

HELLO MR. HARRISON, THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX AND I JUST RECEIVED YOUR LETTER, IS IT TRUE YOU ARE GOING TO FLY ME TO NIGERIA FOR A NICE VACATION??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY HONESTLY!!!!!  I HAVEN’T FLOWN ANYWHERE SINCE FUJI IN 1996, A YEAR BEFORE MY DEAR HUSBAND PASSED AWAY. WE ATE LOTS OF SMOKE MACKEREL, AND THEY SANG TO US AT THE RESTAURANT, SO LOVELY!!!

BEFORE I ACCEPT YOUR PLANE TICKET, I HAVE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS. AS YOU KNOW I AM 93 YEARS OLD AND SUFFER FROM SEVERAL AILEMENTS RANGING FROM ALPERS DISEASE TO A LAPSED VULVA (THIS IS WHERE THE VULVA DISAPPEARS INTO THE BODY AND IS REABSORBED INTO THE SACRAL LUMBAR REGIONS OF THE BODY). I ALSO HAVE THE TROLLYWOOPS AFTER I EAT SPICY FOODS.  I NEED TO KNOW IS THERE GOING TO BE A DOCTOR OR A NURSE ON HAND SHOULD I HAVE ONE OF MY FITS?

I AM ALSO WONDERING CAN I BRING MY NEGRO CLEANING LADY OPHELIA BROWN WITH ME? SHE SAYS SHE HAS SOME RELATIVES SHE’D LIKE TO CATCH UP WITH, DO YOU KNOW HER?  I FIGURE IT’S A SMALL WORLD, AND YOUR PEOPLE TEND TO CLUSTER TOGETHER. THAT IS ONE THING I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED ABOUT THE NEGRO, THEY ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES NOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER OR MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER WHO LEAVE ME ALONE IN THIS DRAFTY HOUSE WITHOUT A PHONE CALL. DID YOU KNOW THAT PRESIDENT FORD AGED MY CHEESE BY AT LEAST 8 YEARS? ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH. ANYWAY, ABOUT OPHELIA SHE IS VERY QUIET AND TIDY AND I PROMISE SHE WILL NOT CAUSE TOO MUCH OF A FUSS.

ALSO, OH!!  DO ANY OF YOUR STORES CARRY YOOHOO BEVERAGE? IT IS ALL I CAN DRINK NOW BESIDES WATER, AND I HEAR YOUR WATER ISN’T SAFE TO DRINK. I HOPE THAT DOESN’T SOUND RACIST, BECAUSE I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED THE NEGRO WAYS. I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU GET CLEAN WATER AND A GOOD HOT MEAL.

WELL, OPHELIA IS HERE AND SHE IS READY TO GREASE DOWN MY LEGS. I WISH I HAD NICE LEGS LIKE I USED TO, DID YOU KNOW I WON MY LEGS IN A CONTEST YEARS AGO? I WORE AS SHORT OF SKIRTS AS I COULD GET AWAY WITH WITHOUT BEING CLUBBED BY MY FATHER.

WELL, PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS, AND SUCH. I AM GLAD THAT I MIGHT HAVE ONE LAST CHANCE TO SEE THE WORLD BEFORE I DIE! I WILL BRING YOU A GIFT WHEN I ARRIVE, DO YOU LIKE MOLASSES DROOPS?

SPECIFICALLY YOURS
BEE BEE

— On Tue, 10/27/09, James <beckafide7@gmail.com> wrote:

From: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>
Subject: Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.
To: “beulahbijoux@yahoo.com” <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 6:28 PM

Re wordpress post: Free web site design / wordpress setup offer.I saw your post on WordPress and I thought you might
be someone who may need a custom website built for free to further your cause.
I am supervising design students right now who are looking for a few real projects to buildin exchange for a good reference and to use the site as an example site to show future clients.
There are no catches or costs.  Having a site online only requires web hosting
which is $5 month and includes the domain name also for free.

If you would like more info on the free website program please email me back for more info.
Let me know what type of site you are in need of.
The restrictions are:
site must be under 10 pages in size.
the site cannot be adult in nature.
I do not do sites with flash movies on them.
Just professional business sites.

I gladly do links , logos, custom backgrounds, blogs, forums, shopping carts, movies, audio, and WordPress blogs
Up to ten pages in size.  All for no cost during our free design program.

If its something you could use then lets talk about it !
Thanks for your time.  James

From: Beulah Bijoux <beulahbijoux@yahoo.com>

To: James <beckafide7@gmail.com>

Date: October 28,2009

Subject: Re: Re: WordPress post: Freeweb site design / wordpress setup offer.

HELLO MR. JAMES THIS IS BEULAH BIJOUX (WIFE OF MOLASSES TYCOON BUSTER BIJOUX) AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A WORDPRESS, IS THIS A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER AND THAT IS AS FAR AS IT GOES WITH ME, I TOLD MY TRAMP OF A GRANDDAUGHTER NO FANCY BELLS, JUST A COMPUTER SO I CAN STAY IN TOUCH WITH MY NEPHEW OVER IN IRAQ AND THAT IS WHAT SHE GOT ME.

SO FAR I AM NOT VERY IMPRESSED WITH THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE TO ME, HOW DO THEY GET MY ADDRESS? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST MY NEPHEW BUT NOW EVERYONE WRITES ME LETTERS AND I HAVE A HARD TIME KEEPING UP. MY MOTHER TOLD ME IT’S RUDE TO IGNORE LETTERS, SO I HAVE TO WRITE TO YOU BUT HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT WITH THIS “WORD” PRESS, IS IT A MACHINE OR SOMETHING? MY LITTLE BROTHER JOHNNY BIJOUX BROUGHT US SOME FANCY MACHINE FROM POLAND IN 1946 HE SAID IT WAS ABLE TO READ NAZI RADIO TELEPHATHY SIGNALS, BUT ALL IT DID WAS SIT IN THE HOUSE TAKING UP SPACE AND STINKING TO HIGH HEAVEN UNTIL THE NEGRO MAIDS DID AWAY WITH IT. JOHNNY CLAIMED THAT HE PICKED UP A FEW SIGNALS FROM NAZIS THAT ESCAPED AND HE WENT OUT SEARCHING FOR THEM WITH HIS BAYONET RIFLE BUT WHEN HE CAME BACK HE HAD ONLY A HANDFUL OF DEAD RABBITS AND HE WAS NEVER THE SAME. I HATE RABBITS.

I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO BUY YOUR WORDPRESS MACHINE, I AM SORRY BUT I AM VERY OLD AND I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY LATE HUSBANDS MONEY ON SOMETHING USEFUL FOR MY HEALTH LIKE THE VIBROLEG MINI (FOR MY ALPERS DISEASE) OR A JACKRABBIT INTERNAL MASSAUSE.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SALES,
SPECIFICALLY YOURS BEULAH BIJOUX (BEE BEE)

WHERE CAN I FIND THESE

From: <info@fuf.com>

To: Leena Shirlee

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Grant Prize Notification

The Fidelity UK Foundation,
Oakhill House, 130 Tonbridge Road,
Hildenborough, Kent, TN11 9DZ
Tel; +44702 4073 751
http://www.fidelityfoundation.org

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Fidelity UK Foundation would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal, educational, and business development. The Fidelity UK Foundation is located in Hildenborough, Kent, UK.

The Fidelity UK Foundation was established in 1988 to strengthen not-for-profit organizations primarily in regions surrounding Fidelity International’s major corporate locations around the world.

Grants from the Foundation are designed to encourage the highest standards of management and long-term self-reliance in non-profit organizations. Taking an investment approach to grant making, we fund organizations where we feel we can add lasting, measurable value. We seek to support major initiatives that charitable organizations undertake to reach new levels of achievement.

We are giving out a yearly donation of 1,000,000.00GBP (One Million Pounds Sterling’s only) each to 10 lucky recipients. These specific Donations/Grants will be awarded to 10 lucky international recipients worldwide, in different categories. Based on the random selection exercise of internet websites and millions of supermarket cash invoices worldwide, you were selected amongst the lucky recipients to receive the award sum of 1,000,000.00GBP as charity donations/aid.

CONTACT FOUNDATION ASSISTANT FOR MORE INFORMATION ON YOUR CLAIMS
Name: Amanda Rezaoui
Email: fidelity_fuf11@yahoo.cn

Please note that these donations/Grants are strictly administered by the UN in collaboration with other international institutions and organizations such as the World Bank, OECD, the ILO, the European Investment Bank and UNESCO. You are advised to keep this whole information confidential until you have been able to redeem your donation.

You would be required to send down the following information’s:
==========================================
FULL NAME:
RESIDENT ADDRESS:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
SEX:
DATE OF BIRTH:
OCCUPATION:
TEL:
==========================================
On behalf of the Board kindly, accept our warmest congratulations

Regards,

Kathleen Ward
(Foundation Program Manager)

From: Leena Shirlee

To: <info@fuf.com>

Date: October 29th, 2009

Subject: Re: Grant Prize Notification

Hello Kathleen, and well met this is Leena!

Well, howdy I am so totally stoked that I won the cash donation for my personal development, and I cannot wait to begin the regime I have been planning out for all my years!!!  I’ve been reading lots of  books and attending lectures and seminars. I’ve been gathering my materials and laying everything out on my little ectograph.

Simply put: I want to become the skinniest person alive. Now, I know what you’re saying. “that’s not exactly what we had in mind as far as personal development” and I’m telling you, you’re wrong. From what I’ve researched, the Fidelity UK Foundation has sponsored some highly unusual personal development programs, which I am listing here as a reminder to you so you will understand me.

1987-Wally Baird decides to surgically graft his cheating wife to his buttocks–Fidelity UK pays for the surgery and for each one of her boyfriend  lovers to be turned into ladies.

1991-Jennifer Daly Snow uses Fidelity UK Grant donation to build a health spa for crabs called “Crab Springs” which, due to faulty wiring in the sauna, turned into a successful restaurant called “The Tasty Crab.”

1995-Elmora Jimenez rallies a team of chow chows to carry her across the united states in a bejeweled wagon, while she hands out fur parkas to children in trailer parks. When PETA discovers Elmora’s plan, they set her dogs free one evening while she sleeps. Fidelity UK follows up with a counter-attack that includes fireworks, hotdogs, and nuclear rodeo clowns.

1997- Wishy Vang of Minneapolis uses her Fidelity UK money to be surgically transformed into a clone of the late Michael Landon— so she can marry his widow and live on the Laura Ingalls Wilder Memorial preserve. As of today, Wishy “Paw” Vang is now happy, healthy, with two beautiful daughters and plays the fiddle every night while they sing “Comin up Kitty Hawk Mountain.”

2003- Bill Noire was a simple, earthy man–upon winning his Fidelity UK Grant for developoment, he asked that he be dipped in the purest butter on earth: Fannygold Irish Churny. Unfortunately, Fidelity UK officials misheard him and had him dipped in pure gold; he died instantly.  However, as luck would have it, Bill had recently written a living will which stated that his remains go on display at the Wells Fargo in Cincinatti. This magnificent pure gold statue of Bill Noire is now one of the cities most impressive monuments.

2008- Salvatore D’Angelo of Florence receives his Fidelity UK Award the day he loses his job, and it couldn’t have come at a better time!!  Instead of going home to blow his brains out, he purchases a private helicopter and flies it to Rio where his favorite prostitute now lives with her family. After a solid week of food, debauchery, and bailando papagayo (the annual “parrots dance”) he flies his helicopter directly into a tree, snapping his spinal cord. Never a man to accept defeat, Salvatore discovered a gift of communicating with the dead via Internet Chat, you can watch his show “IM Dead” at 1:00 am on Thursday on Bravo.

Which brings us to the hear 2009 THE YEAR OF SKINNY!!!

I know, I know there are health concerns, but I have carefully mapped out a strategy for myself that will allow me to become rickety without ending up on life support.  My target weight right now is about 38 pounds, but if all goes well and with your help I might be able to squeak down to 31-32!  Why, you wonder, do I want to be the skinniest person in the world? Is it to attract a mate? Is it to fit into my childhood garments? No!! Quite simply, I want to become thin enough to sell my car and travel through the breeze like Mary Poppins!!!! I was deeply affected by this movie as a child, and I worshipped Mary. How amazing to be able to travel through the wind with nothing but a small umbrella!! Just like a bird! I tried this myself but I was too fat and wound up breaking my leg. I have been dieting ever since, hoping to become thin enough to achieve lift-off and I’ve come close a few times, but there was always something getting in the way: My internal organs. So now that I have the Fidelity UK money, I am hoping you will help sponsor me to have a few things removed–don’t worry! Things I don’t really need: 1 kidney, appendix, and about 10 feet of intestine. Also, I discovered that people only need 2/3 of their lung capacity, so I hope to get 1/3 of my lungs shaved off and about 4 of my fat disgusting ribs. I also would like my tubby human heart to be replaced with a hummingbirds heart. I believe that with all of these things, and with your help, I will be able to at last make my dreams come true!!!

Thank you once again, and god bless you,
Leena “Poppins”.

This could be me!!