Cut with a DeWalt tool with the wrong bit .. Cutting Cement Board.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdiUiN93RcQ&hl=en

Tags : Dewalt Tool – Shop & Save Quailty Dewalt Tool Dirt Devil – Online Shop Dirt Devil Product

SFoodie is among the throng regretting SF City Attorney Dennis Herrera’s successful effort to pressure Coors into removing essentially all of the active ingredients (caffeine, taurine, guarana, and ginseng) from their energy drink Sparks.

When Herrera, emboldened by success, enlisted other government lawyers to pursue purveyors of energy drinks both with and without alcohol, SFoodie responded as Americans traditionally have to Prohibitions past– he retreated to his bath-tub, and brewed up a batch of home-made Sparks:

The [resulting] drink was reverse-engineered from a vintage can of caffeinated Sparks and rigorously tested via blind taste-test by SFoodie and four people who agreed to come over to the author’s house and drink this stuff, plus two random guys on the street who should be applauded for their daring and general zest for life.

The results? It’s virtually impossible to tell the difference between Bathtub Sparks (or Not Sparks, or Moonshine Sparks) and real Sparks. Between tastings, palates were cleansed with beer.

A side-by-side comparison. The one that looks more like urine is the actual Sparks.

Actual testimony:

“God, that’s so f**king gross.”

“This is actually hurting my stomach.”

“I’m buzzed, I’ve got so much caffeine in my body.”

“This is the best day of my life.”

In other words, it tasted just like Sparks.

Bathtub Sparks

2 pieces Pez candy, one yellow, one pink
1 can King Cobra
1 can Red Bull

Crush the Pez until reduced to a fine powder. Transfer the powder to the bottom of an empty glass. Pour in equal parts King Cobra and Red Bull. Don’t be alarmed when the foaming begins; it will subside. Adjust for flavor.

More at SFoodie.

As we reach for the rush, we might raise it in a toast, as it was on this date in 1582 that the Pantheonic William Shakespeare, then 18, posted a £40 bond in Stratford-Upon-Avon for his license to marry Anne Hathaway (then 26)… Their first chid, Susanna, came quickly (six months later:  What, Egg!  Young fry of treachery! , followed in two years by twins.

Mrs. Shakespeare

Devoted Reader!

Hello and I want to thank you again for stopping by on your visit to the information super-highway!  I want to thank each of you for your support!  This post is going to be a lot of fun! First of all, I want each of you to know that Ledge is coming along very nicely. However, in honor of the holiday weekend, I have prepared a special story that I will post right here for your enjoyment! I hoped to have it posted by Thanksgiving, but better late than never, right Devoted Reader!

The story is called Road Trip (A Holiday Tale) and if you enjoy it, I encourage you to check out similar pieces of this type of writing at my Redbubble Homepage.  Simply click the link on the “Redbubble Writings” page and enjoy these little twisted tales.

Again, Devoted Reader,

I apologize for the late posting, but it is my hope that you enjoy this Thanksgiving Tale over the best leftovers and I wish you all a fulfilling feast!

Enjoy and Best of Everything-

John Braxton Sparks

ROAD TRIP

(A HOLIDAY TALE)

She felt like they had been driving for hours. Had it not been but for the hum of the engine, underneath the heat of the rusted hood, Sarah could have believed the world had ended while she was asleep. 

The old Buick was nothing if not faithful. Even though the paint had begun to peel.  Spots of rust decorated the automobile from hood to fender, like liver spots on wrinkled skin. Sarah knew the vehicle was just as predictable as the winding roads on which she drove.

On this November Afternoon, splashing dead leaves in a dark cloud of Exhaust, Sarah wasn’t worried about fixing turkeys or catching early-bird Christmas specials. Sarah was only interested in driving.

Sarah looked over at Dwayne. The blue of his eyes were hidden underneath the blinds of his closed eyelids. For the first time this morning, he’d been completely quiet. But today, the antichrist slept peacefully.

She looked into the rearview mirror. Her left eye still surrounded in the plum color of a fresh bruise.

He hit her hard.

She didn’t even see it coming.

She accidently knocked over a cup of coffee, splashing it in his lap while he read the morning paper. The scream had been as sharp as a knife in the stomach, and it bounced off the walls like the springs of a mattress underneath the weight of a working hooker.

The antichrist hit her hard. The punch was a home-run into her face.

She saw stars as bright as light through punched-tin before she felt the spray of blood drip and flow from her nostrils.

The second punch busted her lip and sent a splash of spit and fresh blood sailing through the morning air like the fall of an evening sunset.

The third punch turned her eye to the bright color of the ripening fruit.

Her laughter echoed in the cab as the tire jutted across a series of small potholes.

“You just never knew when to stop did you, Dwanye? Never knew what was good for you! You never saw what was in front of your face until it bloodied your nose, did you! Fuckin’ Creep!”

The world was as silent as a church on Friday night when Sarah parked the car.

The hole was big and deep. When she looked into the ground, she could see the earthworms and beetles crawl beneath the sheets of fallen earth.

The branches of the willow tree whispered soft secrets in the brush of the autumn winds.

Sarah hadn’t noticed how deep she had cut Dwayne until now. The wound bled openly under her touch, sending small rivers of blood underneath the weight of her fingertips.

When Sarah had finished burying her son, she prayed for God’s mercy.

She prayed for God’s forgiveness.

Mostly, she just bowed her head in Thanks.

The Thanksgiving air promised an early winter with a cooling kiss.

Sarah hummed an old hymnal while the Buick’s engine came to life under the screams of tightened belts.

She had to hurry.

She couldn’t remember if she had turned the oven off after basting the turkey she had prepared for dinner.

She accelerated down the winding county road.

 (c)2009 by John Braxton Sparks

Devoted Reader!

Hello and I want to thank you again for stopping by on your visit to the information super-highway!  I want to thank each of you for your support!  This post is going to be a lot of fun! First of all, I want each of you to know that Ledge is coming along very nicely. However, in honor of the holiday weekend, I have prepared a special story that I will post right here for your enjoyment! I hoped to have it posted by Thanksgiving, but better late than never, right Devoted Reader!

The story is called Road Trip (A Holiday Tale) and if you enjoy it, I encourage you to check out similar pieces of this type of writing at my Redbubble Homepage.  Simply click the link on the “Redbubble Writings” page and enjoy these little twisted tales.

Again, Devoted Reader,

I apologize for the late posting, but it is my hope that you enjoy this Thanksgiving Tale over the best leftovers and I wish you all a fulfilling feast!

Enjoy and Best of Everything-

John Braxton Sparks

today was just one of those great days. rare greatness. my free was well spent. in your kitchen making tea. sitting on your chair finishing off a fairytale quiz. listening to music with you. thank you for just letting me rant to you today. well done completely on winning honey, i knew you would, you’ll be fantastic.

politics was great. just sitting and talking and powerpoints and eating lovehearts. i knew the answers. it felt great.

at lunch i made you walk with me to pick up spray and drop off photos and leave a note. and i cleared my mind and it was just you and i for just a little while. and it was fantastic to just be around you. i never really get the chance any more but i still love you just the same.

and photography was perfect. my prints came out just right. it was just fantastic. and i made a new friend who laughed at the fact i was hyper in the darkroom and kept humming whilst i was using the enlarger. and the magenta came out right. and the time was perfect. and the picture when it came up in the developer made me smile. and it was fantastic.

and we met people who wanted us to watch a film. and we went. spur of the moment. and we ran from one side of town to another to check bus times as it was so cold hand in hand. and i felt fantastic just to be holding your hand. and running. and feeling invincible that nothing in the world could take us down. the film wasn’t that great. wasn’t that scary. but i held your hand and i knew you’d always be there when i wanted you to be. thank you.

and i walked home after the film from the train station in the dark on my own. and i smoked two cigarettes. and i thought. and i got through the day just wonderfully.

bbb (that’s how i’m going to respond to your comments in future if they come, i know no other name for you) i looked up the song and i liked it. thank you. it felt good to know some one was reading this.

and tonight you said you thought it was one sided. and it’s not. it’s two sided because i care. and i want to help. and you thanked me. and what i said was true. you just have to see it. just have to feel it.

it was such an amazing day. thank you.

so i was upset and completely offended by the way he acted last night. and i thought it over and i argued it out with myself. telling myself not to get too worked up. not to go overboard. but i was still angry. still upset. so i started an argument. asked him if he could have been any ruder. asked him if he even cared. asked him if he couldn’t have spent the whole evening fucking texting or checking for a text. and he said sorry. and that made me madder. he said it twice and i asked him if that was all he had to say. and he argued back. and said more than he had in a long time. and i felt better. but i have seen that part of you before. and i didn’t hate that part of you. i don’t hate any part of you. and i said i would be there whatever. just don’t  just don’t treat me so rudely. just see that i care. and it felt great to get it all out. it felt so good just to let it out. and in the end, it was worth the argument.

i will do whatever i can.

i need to buy more. my phone’s on charge. the music on. sun seems to be making the leaves shine green. it might just be a good day.

i’m planning to go back there just for a little bit. i nearly got the whole way yesterday. just stopped short. it might just work out today.

i sent that email. i got a reply. ‘don’t you dare blame yourself.’ how can i not? there’s no point in blaming others. take responsibility. just ignore everything else. it might just come together today.

i replied to that text too. i haven’t got a reply. but what did i expect. it might just go back today.

it might. it might not. all i can do is try.

positive feelings. positive thoughts. positively trying.

twenty years of sleep, before we sleep forever.

i’m not tired yet.

 “if someone is to love you, they’re going to have to learn to accept your faults. you won’t change because you can’t.”

so i don’t know what i’ve done to make you not speak to me anymore. can you tell me please so i can fix it?

this happens every time. i could cry.

and i sat at the train station tonight with a guy i haven’t seen since primary school. and it was great. no pauses. no stops. just flowing conversation. and no awkwardness. and he missed two trains just to wait with me. so we could finish what we were saying to each other. and we played i have never. and we matched. and i mocked him for his fourteen year old girlfriend. and told him my problems. and he listened. and i made a cremation joke and he said i pulled it off. and he got a train from the other side of the station and he waved. and i know i’ve made a good friend there. and i know i’m going to see him again.

my phone was left on my bed all day. i came home to two missed calls and two texts. and i was not expecting one of them at all. and it actually made me smile that she cared. but i have no credit to reply. i should at midnight. i’ll send an email then too. and i’m trying to word it now but i can’t get it just right. if i keep it simple it might just work.

and i feel sick. my toes have blisters. i got the wrong train home. so i had to walk for an hour. i took my heels off and walked through the mud in just my tights. and i stepped on glass and ripped my tights more and cut my hand on thorns i couldn’t see in the dark.

cut me into pieces. what does one more scratch on the surface mean to you. you cut me so deep and you don’t know. don’t care. don’t see. out of sight, out of mind. close your eyes and shut off your ears. if you can’t see and you don’t hear then it’s not real. it’s not happening. just another fleeting moment. a time you choose to ignore. if you don’t ask then you won’t hear an answer you don’t want to. you won’t have to deal with it. claim ignorance. claim you never knew. unknowing bliss. you never have to step in. you never have to help.

where were you when everything was falling apart?

i’m wearing my bright leggings. i have a purple jumper on and a blue ribbon in my hair. my hair is up and i have two necklaces and the silver bracelet that matches both of yours. i want to start wearing my other bracelets again but i can’t find them and when i do find them, i can’t bring myself to put them on. i feel nothing like i did when i started wearing them. my hair has changed. my clothes are not the same. my feelings are different. i’m not the person i once was.

i’m not whole, i’m not whole, you waste it.

my feet feel like they have bruised from all the walking today. i retraced five years worth of steps today.

i wish you would step in.

A search is under way after a small boat is found empty and running in circles with its engine running on a rain-swollen river…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: boat horn. The blog is also related to: fire boat.

Anoop performs “Battlefield” in Chapel Hill, NC, on November 8, 2009. You can find more videos from the concert at the Street Team Chapel Hill Archive Thread as well as at Anoop Desai Official YouTube Channel. Also, check out our mp3 archive page for downloadable mp3 files of this and other performances.

Police ask drivers to only travel where essential as more heavy rainfall is forecast across southern Scotland…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: travel airfare. The blog is also related to: airport shuttle.

breath easy, the doctors are about to arrive.

so he was thirty-six minutes late tonight and he didn’t call till he was thirteen minutes late. and i was cold. and it was cold. and the building had locked up. and i went and sat on that wall that we sat on honey. where we ate ice creams. where we watched the sky as it was beautiful. where i felt happy with you. but i cried. and i couldn’t stop. and i still can’t stop and it’s been over an hour. i cried the whole car journey home. i cried when i came through the door. and when i told her nothing was wrong. and i went upstairs. and put this music on. and i want to hear the screams to make me feel better. connection. compassion. and she brought me tea. and that was unexpected. and my phone wouldn’t turn on so i threw it against the wall. and then i had toast. and now i’m crying still.

i feel so stupid. like everything i thought is untrue. and just so stupid. and i feel so stupid for being so upset. and this isn’t making sense and i’m repeating myself but it just won’t sink in. why am i not good enough? what do i do that just doesn’t compete? and i’m beating myself up and i can’t cope. this happens every time. and i can’t see it going right. i said it would work out in the end but it’s not really, is it? not for me. i really can’t cope. i feel so pathetic. i feel so wasted. like my time was wasted. the best of me for so long has been wasted. i feel so useless and all i want is to hurt.

the star was too close to the moon tonight. my socks have rubbed my legs and made a rash. and i planned your present. and i gave you your cake. and i only wore your ladybird. and i sat through russian with you while you coloured in. i put perfume on my lips by mistake and they burned. you caught marshmallows in your mouth. and i forgot for a while. and it was good.

you’re so fucking special, i wish i was special.

you don’t know how much you meant to me. and how much i’m hurt. and how worthless i feel, that you just drop speaking to me. that you just drop me.

i’m only there so that you’re not alone.

i sat up all night to try to stop you. i held you and talked everything through. how many people would do that for you? you know i actually care. and have since the beginning.

i can’t get over this feeling right now. complete loss. of no use. that i never seem to mean anything to people. that they give up after a few months. that i’m not good enough to carry on with. that i’m just thrown away. i’m just a stepping stone till something better comes along. that i’m not the finished product for anyone. i’ve never been good enough at home. i wasn’t good enough there. i’m not good enough here. i’m not the best for her. i’m not the best for them. i’m not the best for him.

my nose is still running but the crying has stopped. composed.

i just sent her an email saying i didn’t hate her but if she wants me to speak to her then she has to make the first step.

and i’m shaking from the cold but i feel like i’m burning up. i felt so hot today with you. like my face was on fire. i felt so embarrassed and upset. i went to art and told him i wasn’t going to work in poster paint. told him i want to continue in ink. he let me. asked if we were the grumpy table today. i told him it would be if he wanted it to be. and he left me alone for the rest of the lesson. she gave me her crisps and she let me use her phone. and i just threw ink on my page. i’m still drawing corn and it’s getting repetitive and boring now but i like doing it. i know i can do it. and people compliment it. and i don’t get many compliments these days. and i don’t want to try something new and fail. i feel like such a god damn failure.

you can still see my name under the white paint. i need to do something to that but i don’t know what.

it wont post my comment. and i’m getting frustrated. and i need to spend a little time with you this week just you and i, A. we’ll do that tomorrow morning while B goes to sort his house out.

you too L. i really want to see you on thursday. if you can and want to, please do. you make things a lot clearer for me. and i’m not sure that you either know to what extent that i really do care about you.

i’m fully composed now. my face tight from the tears.

cried all night till there was nothing more.

i need to fill a roll of film by the morning but i know i wont.

i’m shaking so violently in my legs and i can’t make it stop. i’ve had more fits than normal today. i can’t even keep control in myself. how fucking pathetic is that? what hope do i have in keeping my world still when i can’t keep my body from shaking.

my poison playlist is still playing.

make you believe in god. make you believe in ghosts. make you believe in me.

i’m giving up now. on you and on myself.

i kept your tie, i’d have gone wherever you wanted.

it’s been another hour. it’s on the back of my door.

This weeks list is compiled of musical duos that are siblings. I realise it would have been easier to do a post about siblings in music in general but i like the ideas of duos better, the whole “it’s just the two of us” kind of logic.

When brothers/sisters get together and make the choice of recording music together, whether it’s as a duo or as part of a band, there’s no telling what noise might end up being produced. It goes either one of two ways, the absolutely dreadful (The Jonas Brothers) or unbelievably good (Boards of Canada).

There are quite a few factors that come in to play when siblings unite musically. First off, do you get along? Do you get along enough to tour without constantly fighting, to make an album without arguing when the next guitar solo should come in and who should be on the front cover. Secondly, tastes. If one of you likes RnB and the other likes Death Metal then forget it. Thats not to say that for siblings to work well musically they have to like the exact same music but like most people starting up bands it helps to at least have some similar tastes. Thirdly, age difference. With the exception of the Jackson 5, if the age difference between band members is pretty big (say 10 or 15 years maybe) then it’s probably not gonna work. So with that we move onto the list..

Family Values
——————-
MP3’s

1. Boards Of Canada – The Colour Of The Fire
2. Orbital – Chime
3. The Knife – Pass This On
4. Lymbyc Systym – Ghost Clock
5. The Fiery Furnaces – Even In The Rain
6. Tiny Masters Of Today – Stickin’ It To The Man
7. Sparks – Turn Your Back On Mother Earth
8. Tiefschwarz – Yeah
9. Tegan And Sara – Back In Your Head
10. The Veronicas – Untouched

And briefly moving away from the subject of sibling duos i’ll give a nod to two of my favourite bands that just happen to include siblings.

VIDEO: Jesus And Mary Chain – Sidewalking

VIDEO: Radiohead – Reckoner

Also worth a mention in the “Siblings That Work Well Musically” category are The Stooges, Kings Of Leon,  The Breeders, The Carpenters, The Kinks, Psychedelic Furs,  The Misfits, The Black Crowes and sometimes but not all of the time…..Oasis. I have a somewhat love/hate relationship with that band. There are times when i could listen to a full album or two right through and other times when i can’t bear to listen to more than 30 seconds of one of their songs.

Meanwhile there are too many that should be lumped in the “Utter Shit Musical Siblings” category. Way too many to mention but i’ll give dishonourable mentions to The Cheeky Girls, B*Witched, The Darkness, the afore mentioned Jonas Brothers, Spandau Ballet, Bros, The Osmonds, the streak of musical piss that is Hanson and last but not least the latest siblings to jump on the Shit Siblings band wagon….JedFUCKINGWard. Go away please you two annoying quiffed up little bag of bones.

I’ve actually succeeded in bemusing myself as to how i’ve managed to include the names Jedward and Boards of Canada into the same post.

Oh and The Corrs are worth a mention (and a picture) simply because of Andrea Corr. I had a major crush on her in my early teenage years.

S.I.T Wolf  X

Ready to download your free copy of GReNO Vol. 002?  It’s easy…  just click here and enjoy!

i heard this song on  Pandora (a smart online radio station. check it out) and its by a group called Williamson. Its all instrumental with guitars and a synthesizer of some kind. it just sounds cool. it reminded me of Sparks by Coldplay.

Devoted Reader,

Hello and thank you for taking the time to stop by on your tour of the world-wide web. I know you must be extremely busy! The check-out lines are long, the shopping lists get bigger, and many hours spent slaving over the hot burners of a steaming stove are well at hand. But before you carve that Turkey, I want to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING! To each of you!  I want to thank you so much in your continued support and I am so lucky to have each of you at my side through this process.

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give sincere thanks for all that you are grateful for! Well, Devoted Reader, this is an honest entry: I am grateful for each of you! I am truly thankful to have such loyal readers and the support you show me is truly wonderful and I can’t thank you enough for all that you so freely give me! I am truly thankful to each of you; I’d be useless without you! The ideas would stop, the monitor screen would become a haven for dust, and my inspiration would become a drought of dessert sands! You keep me going, and I am so grateful to have you at my side! I couldn’t do it without you. So this holiday season, let me just take a few moments to say “Thank You” I am very grateful and humbled by each of you! I couldn’t do what I do without you! Thank you for all you so freely give me! You’re the best and I wish you nothing but that as we start the holiday season!

Now, on to this week’s post:

I want to address some questions here, and as a creator of workshops for writers offer some kind advice and support!

First of all, if you are wondering, I do not have a literary agent! (Well, not officially), I am an independent writer and I have assigned a “Author Representative) through my publishing company, Xlibris.  Second of all, I have an editor and publisher for “Lamplight Publications”, but both these organizations are as independent as I am.

I am currently working on a resume in which to send out with a manuscript to more general publishers.  For an independent author, a resume is crucial. This is why most novelists start out on the road with self-publications. It gives you credit and is a great way to build your resume as a writer. This is important, Devoted Reader, and takes time to build. I have experience with two publishers, and this helps the resume and that is what my goal is at this time. This will change in the course of the next 24 months, but for right now, it’s what I’m doing continuing to work on those crucial credentials.  All novelists do this, and I am thankful to be on this road at such a very young age.

Second of all, for those of you who want to pursue the same thing as myself, I encourage each of you to do so. I’m sure that there are many a great stories out there that won’t get told unless you tell them, and I encourage each of you to do so.

There are two books I want to mention in this. Both books are reference books and are the building blocks for the publishing foundation for an independent writer.

The First is

The Guide to Literary Agents (revised yearly)

This book is a comprehensive list of literary agents and the genres they represent. It is crucial to note, Devoted Readers, that you should never pay an agent upfront. Most legitimate agents get paid when your manuscript is accepted by the publisher from your advances (usually 15-20%) and then they get a portion of those funds. You do not have to pay upfront for a literary agent. More is explained in this reference book, and you can find it wherever most books are sold and it is crucial for all those who are serious about following their dreams as a writer.

The Second reference book

The Writer’s Marker (revised yearly)

Is a comprehensive book made of listings and articles about literary agencies and publishers. It is a list of publishers and agencies that are taking submissions in the type of genres and what they look for in qualifying inquiries. This saves you time and a few rejection slips by sending out your inquires only to those who are accepting submissions in qualifying areas and genres in which you write.

When you are sending a submission (called a query) to a publisher and literary agent, there are a few thing s you must know. First, never send a completed manuscript.  In your query, send only an author summary (something like you would read on the dust jacket of a book) about the work. Make it short and to the point, but make sure it summarizes the book effectively.

Next, send a resume or author credentials with your query. This introduces you and your accomplishments to the prospective literary agent and publisher and lets them know a little bit about you.

Next, send a piece of the manuscript in your query. The standard rule is the first 30-35 pages of the manuscript or the first 3 chapters of the work.

Compile all that together, and you have a completed query. Send that out to literary agents and publishers. (The first rule of thumb is to pursue and obtain a literary agent before you pursue a publisher as they will act as a representative of you and your work to the publisher).

I promise you this: You will be rejected, but keep it going! Find motivation in that rejection to become better and it will make you better.) Even Stephen King was rejected over 200 times before he obtained success with Carrie.

Whatever you decide to do, Devoted Reader, I wish you nothing bust the best as you truly deserve it! Keep reading and writing (if you choose), because I know each of your stories are as beautiful as the creator who tells their tales!

Happy Thanksgiving, Devoted Reader !

Best Of Everything-

John Braxton Sparks

i’m always in the dark with you. i never know where i stand. i really just want to know. you could make my life so much less confusing. i’m not sure if you’re ignorant to this or just don’t care. things just go up and down with us. i need to know to get a grasp on what i’m doing to myself. what you’re doing to me. you have the most wonderful way of playing with my emotions. bringing them up to a high and sending them to such a low. you can toy with me and not even know it. lose your heart, i’ll lose my mind. we’ll make quite a pair, dazzling all the time. i’ve already lost my mind. can’t you just tell me what’s going on? i rally can’t quite keep myself together with this level of uncertainty flying around my head.

and you’re so sweet and lovely. you’re doing your best to cheer me up and you’re feeling it too. and it’s not fair on you. you deserve so much better. thank you for tonight. thank you for last night. thank you for the nights to come. i really hope you pass your test soon. then you really can come to mine to eat pizza and we can talk about this in person. connected by horrible things and feelings but to a wonderful person. i’m all swirly too.

oh. and just as an afterthought. when you told me about today, i broke down completely.

what the fuck? what the actual fuck? it was going so well.

“i don’t think humans were designed to wait for things.”

why should we wait? it’s going on for so long now. not just me. you too. everyone. why can’t you just make up your mind? why are you making this go on for so long? can’t you just decide? make it simple. simple for me. simple for you. and you are telling me how easy it is to ‘get into’ music but i don’t care. i just want you to keep typing. can’t you make this easy? if you can make amps and inputs and outputs easy, make this easy.

and i’m talking to you and we’re clicking. about waiting too long and boys. and you’re feeling the same but it will work. it’ll click. it’ll fit. it will go right. i can promise that.

and tonight. i miss you so much. i need that little bit of time with you on my own. and they sat next to us and i shook and i felt my insides crashing and i bit my lip and i rushed off and i knew i was going to cry. i couldn’t help it. and you followed me. and hugged me. and i sent you back to the table and i went off to the toilet and washed my face. and i cried. you picked up the pieces. and you put me back together again.

i smoked and i cried and i painted last night. i drank the last of my apple juice that i keep on my windowsill for emergencies. this was my emergency. but i didn’t. i stopped myself. pulled myself back from going that little bit too far. it worked. and i’m slowly working again.

your drawings have gone in my box. i need you so much more than i think i do. we all do.

This is a heck of a thing…