I was pulling into the parking lot and I got a text from my friend (the one who invited me – aka dragged me into this) who was already at the place. She said that 20 women and 25 men had RSVP’d for the event.  She was freaking out.

She has no reason to be freaking out. None. The girl is smart, fun, and gorgeous. No no.. I’m not just saying that. She actually had pageant awards that say that too. Her one big flaw, maybe more than one, is that she looks her age (my age) and is eating-disorder skinny (no boobs).  But so far in my time of knowing her, none of the guys have cared.

So that she was freaking out at all, I found hilarious. I talked her down and arrived at the place shortly. Got myself all signed up, and went to find her.

There wasn’t many people there yet, and the organizer said while it “started at 8″ they wouldn’t really start the speeddating until 9 or so. Maybe 10 people in the entire bar, and only 3 of those were there for the Speeddating. Candra, myself, and some guy named Ted.  So we talked to Ted, and joked that by the time we actually started that we’d already have had all the dating done.

Ted is totally my type physically.  So when Candra introduced me, and I said “Hi” to him.. I really wanted to say “Hi! My name’s Maruska. Wanna get out of here?”

Ted was 6′ or maybe 6′1 or 6′2. Tall Texan, broad shouldered, dark hair, and had hands that … well.. lets just say I couldn’t stop wondering what they’d feel like all over me. He was also a bit on the older side for me, but handsome enough for me to overlook it. He was fun and chatty, and I decided right then that I wanted to see more of him.

Then another guy came in and joined our group. Funny enough his name was also Ted. He was also older, but damn hot.  Red head, but hot despite that. His english accent did not hurt things either.  He seemed into Candra, but was nice enough to me that its hard to be sure.

We all chatted for a while and had drink while we waited for it to start. We waited. Talked. Waited some more.  Our backs were to the rest of the bar so we didn’t get to see other people filing in.  If I do this again, I will be watching the doors next time.

Finally we started.

The Teds were our first dates.  My first date was with Texan Ted. He claimed to be an import from somewhere else (PA?) but after talking to him he was full Texan.  While he was still hot do-able, he was no longer a viable long term interest. We scrounged for anything of a common interest other than beer. Since he might be good for sex, I marked him a yes.

Second date was with British Ted. While he wasn’t exactly what I am looking for, he is hot enough, smart enough, and fun enough to give him a try.  He owns a bar, and travels. I’ve completely forgotten what it is that he does on his business travels or even why he’s in Austin. But we laughed and had a good time. So I marked him a yes.

Third date was with Frank. Frank was fun, and a computer geek. So we chatted easily and had fun. But he’s also about 4 inches shorter than me (maybe more), and looked about 16 yrs old. I initially marked him a maybe thinking that maybe if I thought on it.. that he’d grow on me. I had to decide by the end of the night if he was a yes or no.

Fourth date was with Blane. I know.. gay sounding name, but he’s not. He works doing creative drawings for games, sooo cool of a job. He’s freakishly hot. Not in that typical model kind of way but in that slightly geeky well-kept metrosexual but manly kind of way. We had a great conversation, and I was swooning or was that drooling? Totally marked him as a YES.

Fifth date things started to go downhill… FAST.

Fifth date was with Ray. Ray is a doctor. Yes a physician! (I know sounds great, but seriously there’s a reason he’s single) Who practices outside of Austin in some podunk town I’ve never heard of and will probably never go to. If living in podunkville wasn’t enough, his tech-education included turning a computer on and vaguely knowing how to email (He just learned this year! Yay Ray!). His social skills are relatively non-existant, and then there’s his looks. He was bug-eyed, like he had hyperthyroidism, bug-eyed, and a very dorky face, dorky coordination, and really looked like a “special” kid all grown up.  I felt bad for him, but not enough to mark him as a yes.. I marked him “NO” as there wasn’t a “Hell No” slot.

Sixth date was with Saruanatan or something. He was Indian. Real India Indian. Nice guy. But Indian and way too short. He seriously could have said anything to me, but since my experiences earlier this year with India Indians.. I’m not dating any of them for a long time. I marked him “no”.

Seventh date… OMG stop the dates.. I’ve had enough. I’m full up on social.. really stop the dates!

Seventh date was with … another Indian.  This one wouldn’t have mattered what cultural background he was. He looked like he was strung out on something or had Parkinson’s or something.  I marked him “no”

Eight date was with Topher. He seemed nice enough. Decent looking and we had a relatively painless conversation. I got the impression though that he was only looking for sex. Not that he’d ever mentioned it, but just got that impression. I figured I’d give him a chance to prove me wrong. I marked him “yes”

Nineth date was with Rick. Nice guy. Works for the government doing something with jails. I could see him possibly fitting with my personality long term, but I didn’t really feel much chemistry.  So we’d either hit it off on the next “date” or we’d be best buds. I marked him “yes”.

I looked over my list, and agreed with all my votes and then looked at Frank again. I marked him “no” and felt a little guilty about it at first.

Then out of nowhere this guy plops down in the seat across from me. I was out of patience. 9 dates and I was done. No more new people.

The guy thought he’d be funny.

“Hi, My name is Tristan. Wow me!”

As if I even had the patience to deal with some drunk bloke from England, let alone any WOW left in me.

I glared at him.  He was damn cute, tipsy, and having fun. At any other time, you’d have had to peel me off him, but this night I was ready to string him up by his balls just for fun.

“Isn’t that how this works? You sell me on you? Pitch yourself to me”

“I don’t sell myself, asshole.”

“Well I just wanted to know more about this speed dating thing, and now I’m an asshole?”

He stopped trying to be the cocky ass that he approached me with, and turned on his real personality.  The real him is fucking hot.

“Well, what we do is just have a simple conversation. CONVERSATION.”

“Ok, then lets talk. start over. Hi, I’m Tristan from London.”

“Hi, I’m Maruska. So what are you doing in Austin? What brought you here?”

I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to reply “a plane” but refrained. He really is that kind of smartass.

He instead talked about visiting some friends. We talked a good while about his travels and my travels (or my lack of travels in comparison to his travel-junkie ways). We actually had a really nice chat, but he kept telling me he was breaking the rules. He was out on a boys night and no girls allowed.  He did introduce me to all his buddies though, and I have a little crush on him.  Guys with charm and balls.. what girl doesn’t swoon?

He and his friends soon left the bar in search of another, and I waited for my friend to finish her scoring. We’re supposed to get the results sometime this weekend.

After the dating was over, a bunch of us minus a few (Topher and the girl next to me ran out together. From the little I talked to her, they were going for sex) went to the bar next door for a drink.

Candra had to go to the bathroom so I waited for her. While waiting, I ran into Gail and some guy I’d never met. Initially I assumed she was on a date, but after saying our hello’s they both asked me about the speed dating.  Turns out they both came to see what it was like before trying it themselves. So he’s single?

I initially wasn’t sure what to make of him. He seemed nice and polite, but he was a red head. Not really my thing, but he was also quite handsome.  I’m not sure on his age, but I do know he’s older than me.  I know little to nothing about him other than that, despite our talking. How we managed to talk about nothing for hours, I have no idea but we did.

Candra came out and we all went to the bar next door. On our way there we found stragglers from the group looking lost, so we invited them too.  By the time we actually made it next door, our little group was 8 people.  In order to join the other group, we all had to move to a bigger area. Yeah baby, I bring the crowds! (actually I’m pretty sure the last 4 guys in our group were following Candra).

Blane and Candra sat alone and talked most of the night. Blane was too far away from me when we’d all sat down that I did not even get to interrupt.   But it was good for Candra to meet someone, unfortunately I found out later that she won’t give him the time of day because he’s 25.  He’s a sweet, wonderful, educated guy with talent and a good job… hell he’d be really good for a short term thing for her. She has a habit of only dating the biggest assholes alive.

I spent the night talking to Gail’s friend Boggs, Gail, British Ted, and Frank.  Initially on sitting down next to Frank, we talked for a bit and I started to wonder if I should have picked “yes” on him.  Then about 30 minutes later he began talking ignorant like only the really young and stupid can do.. arguing the English language history with British Ted.. that I was extremely thankful for clicking “no” on him.  I have a very low low tolerance for stupid.

Since I had to get up early the next day to prep for Thanksgiving dinner. I was preparing pie and potatoes for the potluck at Gail’s house. (It was funny running into her the night before.) So I ran out early around midnight.

British Ted gave me a hug goodnight, and I waved bye to Gail and Boggs as I’d see them the next day.

I’m not sure if I’ll do speed dating again, but I might.  In a way it fed my Diva-ness. “Oh times up, nice to meet you…. NEXT!”  But answering the same questions over and over soon becomes a torture.  Hard decision. We’ll see what the results bring.

I love to make things from scratch for the holidays, and with the holidays upon us, I am off to the store to buy all the ingredients I will need to bake my ass off again this year. Much of it will be shipped to friends and family across the country, some of it will be offered as gifts to our new friends in our new home. As it turns out, the phrase “from scratch” also applies to my love life. I’ve got a fresh start here and I can pick and choose my own ingredients for whatever recipe for love I decide to cook up!

The dream recipe for my guy has taken years to perfect (in my mind). He’s around 5″11, beautiful smile, strong features, and amazing hands that fit perfectly in mine. He’s usually bald, or salt and pepper, little dimples, and it matters little what he does for a living or what his body type is, because when I am with him, the whole universe evaporates anyway. I am safe and warm and I fantasize (see my blog Destiny—- from August 2009) he is the one I run into in my new downtown on December 15th. He’s the guy that will pick up my bags as I clumsily drop them enroute to my car (or something like that!).

But in all actuality, what if he’s not there? What if I have to continue to bake this dream, define it, test it in the kitchen before I can offer it to someone else wrapped up with love along with all the other homemade confections? As I “cook up” this fantasy of finding my dream man in the beautifully decorated streets of my town, what if he’s still in the oven? What if he’s still friggin married, separated or recently widowed? Crap, what chance do I have then? My warm, chewy, delicious gingerbread man, isn’t running down the street away from the little old woman looking for his wonderful new woman, he’s still laying on the cookie sheet in a toasty 350 degree oven…..wait for it….. getting crispy and perfect without ME! But, but, I’m ready NOW! Out of the oven, dammit, I’ve waiting long enough to frost your cute little face!

Baking is an art. Finding the love of your life is evidently a culinary art of its’ own. You don’t just throw some flour and sugar and a couple of large Grade A eggs into a bowl, mix for 4 minutes or until smooth, and roll it all into Mr. Perfect! Even on my best baking day, I couldn’t pull THAT off! It’d be nice… but that’s another blog entirely…

I’m going to bake this year. And as the eternal optimist I am going to be on that square on December 15th. I will look fabulous – for me. I’ve accomplished all I’ve ever wanted so far in life and being here only solidifies my certainty that I will very soon fufill the rest of my dreams. Of course they include my dream man, but I’ve been “baking” long enough to know that even if I am “done”, he might not be. He might need some more time in the oven so to speak. He might need to catch up with me, like the gingerbread man in the book begging all to join in the chase for the elusive warm cookie.

My melt in my mouth moment has already happened. I am living it every day of my life. I savor in every bite, enjoy the flavor, and go back for seconds, just because my life is sooo delicious right now!

I’m going to look for love – from scratch this time. I love the possibilities it offers. Like a recipe, I will try to follow the directions, I’ll put alot of love into the bowl of life, and hopefully if it all makes its’ way into the oven and I time it just right, the end result will be a perfectly baked love – from scratch!

I am exactly the girl I knew I would be when I was five. The trick is finding the guy who makes this cookie feel “whole” and frosted from head to toe – with love. I pray for all my readers to find the “sweet love” of their life!

Love,

Mel

It is good to see that some Speed Dating companies care about their clients more than others, though in my opinion they only care about their clients cash, like the people at Speed Dating Events and I would like to thank them for their comment on my blog about Speed Dating which describes why I think that Speed dating is a terrible way to find a partner. The comment, if you want to read it, appeared on the www.easilyfriends.com website.

However in spite of their comment, I haven’t change my mind and my point remains and that is because not all Speed Dating is either well organised or well thought out.

I still maintain that you are never going to find someone to develop a long term relationship with when you are hustled from one quick chat to the next, even in a nice venue with careful professional staff in attendance.

And just quickly on the subject of venues Speed Dating event companies tend to use smelly, dirty and outdated public houses to arrange their ‘quicky’ events! Am I the only person in the world who hates pubs because they are not nice places? Thank goodness no, because I read everyday of another town or village pub closing.

The best you can hope for from a Speed Dating event is to fill your Filofax with cards and numbers from people you know you won’t call because you won’t remember who they were and of course they won’t ring for the same reason.

Really, the only thing you can expect to get out of a speed dating event is to get back into the swing of talking to people in a social situation, frankly I would choose the bus, or better still if you want an evening out go to the theatre or the ballet and in the interval find people to chat to.

As I have said before, if you talk to people even if they are in a relationship it is very likely that they will have friends like you who are looking for a relationship, but of course, first of all they are looking for a date and importantly so are you!

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It’s happened again – I am in full procrastination mode! Now don’t get me wrong, I am usually quite a decisive person – I am a card carrying member of the old ‘just do it’ school of thought – if you want to get something done there is precious little point in wasting time thinking about it. If you do, you usually end up achieving nothing, and that is exactly what is becoming more and more likely to happen in this case. Let me explain…

A few weeks back I agreed to go speed dating with a friend. She is a pretty organised type of person – she had booked a place for herself at the venue which was somewhere in one of the leafy suburbs of SW London, on a date in early December. She gave the details of the times, and the web address of the site that I needed to do the booking.

Get to know me in three...

I had fully intended to book it that weekend, but when I sat down at my PC to do the deed, I couldn’t even bring myself to visit the site – I just spent the rest of the evening on Youtube. I have been trying too figure out exactly why this is. I have no real problems with the concept of speed dating itself – it sounds as if it could be fun. One thing I have always had a bit of an issue with though is booking online. The thought of putting my payment card details out there on the web has always made me feel a bit uneasy, but on the other hand I have booked holidays and paid for insurance over the Web before, so I can’t see why this latest venture should pose any real problem.

As the day of the event draws nearer, my window of opportunity for booking my place is shrinking, so it is basically bite the bullet time if I don’t want to let my friend down. It is going to be done….soon! Wish me luck!

(cont. from yesterday) After 12 minutes of excruciating public freestyling, the music was turned off. The host announced that, for the next song, we would dance with the man opposite us. She put on some sort of R’n’B with a beat so slow that the only coherent move was a languorous nod of the head from side to side and the room soon resembled a consignment of mechanical toys gradually winding down.

Finally, the chance came to break away to the tiny bar. I asked for a beer. The waiter looked surprised, and told me to hold on, before disappearing from the room. I looked behind the bar and realised it served only soft drinks. In horror, I wheeled around and quickly scanned the room. Everyone was clutching Coke and orange juice.

Having drunk my beer as quickly and discreetly as possible, I returned to the fray, where the ‘warm-ups’ were over and the speed dating part of the evening was beginning. Lining up once again, we were given four minutes to talk to each person. There was none of the apparatus that I associated with speed-dating – seats, for instance, or name badges, note-taking materials, a whistle to tell you when to stop talking. But as a novice, who was I to judge?

My first guy was with a nice Nigerian who worked in construction and went to Kingsway International Christian Centre, the Pentecostal church in Hackney with a congregation into the thousands. We had a conversation about the 2012 Olympic site. He moved on. The next guy was also from Nigeria, and a KICC regular. The third guy came from Hull. Via Nigeria. He had travelled down specially, he said. Apparently KICC had a singles summit this week. Suddenly, things started making sense…

After three quarters of an hour, with a handful of introductions still remaining, fatigue had set in. Throats ached, eyes had lost their sparkle. The last few guys I met admitted they had forgotten all the girls’ names already. As for me, my overloaded brain had agglomerated the last hour’s conversation and I was now convinced I had met a dog-owning, five-a-side-playing, chess-loving baritone from Nigeria, who worked in sales and went to KICC.

At the end of the evening, I collected my coat and went to find T. She suggested getting some food. ‘I’m really sorry,’ I said. ‘I’m just exhausted. Do you mind if I head straight home?’ ‘Oh no, that’s fine,’ she said. ‘I just wondered if you wanted to join us.’ The three guys standing behind her waved. Hurray! I left her to it.

To catch up read Speed dating – Final Round (part one) beforehand.  After the movie phone guy a number of men made there way around the room; some with cool accents, some with bad jokes and some just outright rude.  One man when asked what he did for a living responded with attitude.  He said he doesn’t like to label himself and works for a company, works for himself, is a performer, actor and Christmas caroler.  Yes, he said Christmas caroler.  I told him he sounds like an entrepreneur of sorts and he kind of agreed.  He was very curt because he felt like I was sizing him up and I told him I was just trying to make conversation.  It’s speed dating 101 to ask someone what you do and this guy had a bug up his butt.  I managed to keep a conversation going for the remainder of the 6 minutes and was glad when he moved.  Finally, it was break time and everyone had 10 minutes to take a breather.  I greeted my friend who just arrived to have dinner with me and informed her I was only half way done.  She patiently waited in the restaurant below as I finished the event upstairs.  The break was over and up next was the genetically tested guy, you know, the guy I mentioned in part one?   He was new to the area and didn’t know many people.  He cracked a joke but I didn’t get it because he mumbled.  When I asked him to repeat he got embarrassed. Once I heard the joke I didn’t find it funny and won’t get into detail other than Bert & Ernie were mentioned from Sesame Street.  There were a few interesting men I met that night, one from Ireland and the other from Costa Rica.  The Costa Rican gentleman was easy on the eyes but hard to understand because he spoke so softly.  He was an EMT but got laid off and now works at a dog spa and manages an apartment building.  He told me about a time he got bit in the butt by a large dog and the surprising amount of money people spend on their dogs at his work (i.e. services like massages, etc.).  He seemed like a cool guy and his accent was sexy.  The man from Ireland sounded cool but was not as easy on the eyes as the Costa Rican guy.  The Irish man had fang like teeth on the bottom and an under bite.  He looked like a vampire but was no Rob Pattinson of Twlight fame nor am I Kristin Stewart.   He also spoke quietly and was hard to hear at times.  It was cool to have more of a variety of men this time but there was no chemistry with anyone.  The majority of the men were 10-15 years older than me and in different stages of their lives.  After the event, I had to go online and chose if there was anyone I wanted to see again.  Unlike, the first time speed dating where I chose no one, I decided to choose a few guys to see what would happen.  I selected three guys who seemed the most normal and was curious if they would respond.  One of the three responded and said he was glad to meet me but didn’t think we were a match and wished me well in my search.  In his email signature was his name, age and a caption that read a man for all occasions.  He was older than I thought and apparently I wasn’t the right occasion.  LOL!  That cracked me up that he referred to himself as a man for all occasions.  Too funny.  So, to sum it up I can say I went speed dating and had the opportunity to meet some intriguing people.  To my fellow speed daters or future speed daters I wish you well.  It’s something I think everyone should try to get out of their zone.

Aurais-je vraiment à me rendre jusque là ?

Pas que je veux dénigrer les soirées speed dating, mais il y a quelque chose dans le concept qui me rend mal à l’aise. J’ai beau adorer magasiner, il y a quand même une limite à ce que je peux faire au nom de l’amour du shopping.

On ne magasine pas de gars. Ça ne se fait pas. L’amour, ça vient tout seul. On ne magasine pas un amoureux comme on magasine une paire de bottes. (Pas de mauvais jeux de mots ici mesdames…).

N’empêche que… Ça m’intrigue énormément de savoir quel genre de personne se rend dans un speed dating et aussi, quelles sont les raisons qui la pousse à s’y rendre…

Est-ce par nécessité ? Est-ce par dépit ? Curiosité ? Pathétisme ?

Faut-il en être rendu à ne plus avoir de ressources ni de moyens pour rencontrer l’âme soeur? Les bars ne fonctionnent plus pour toi? Ton environnement de travail est saturé? Ton épicerie du coin est remplie de vieilles mégères qui s’obstinent pour un rabais?…. Eh… c’est moi que je suis en train de dépeindre là!

Non… sans blague… je ne comprend pas. Et parce que je ne comprend pas, je veux comprendre et c’est pourquoi je pense y aller en tant qu’observatrice avec… M. ! Oui, elle l’apprend en même temps que vous, elle vient avec moi.

Grenadine un jour, Grenadine toujours. Tu viens avec moi, un point c’est tout. On va investiguer pour nos lecteurs et lectrices.

Bah quoi, on se sacrifie pour vous…

Alors ! Où est-ce qu’on s’inscrit!?

In the case of Bilski and Warsaw v. Kappos, Justice Stephen Breyer asked counsel whether he could patent a method of teaching that would keep 80% of students awake; Justice Antonin Scalia asked if horse whispering could be patented; and Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked if speed dating could be patented.  The Wall Street Journal

As Marshal of the Supreme Court, my job is an important one, but there’s not a lot of variety.  Every day I say the same thing:  “Oyez, oyez, oyez: All persons having business before the Honorable, the Supreme Court of the United States, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Court is now sitting. God save the United States and this honorable Court.”  Then I sit down.  That’s it.

Breyer:  “I find a Hawaiian shirt helps keep students awake.”

But last week, let me tell you, was something special.  It’s not often you see the kind of intellectual fireworks we heard in Bilski and Warsaw v. Kappos.  I talked to Justice Breyer afterwards, and he said he hadn’t seen anything like it since somebody set off a bottle rocket at a Harvard Law School 4th of July picnic.

Bottle rockets:  Another joy of youth, now proscribed by goody two-shoes regulators.

The question before the court was whether “business methods”, like keeping a bank open on Saturdays–duh–could be patented.  And Justice Breyer, let me tell you, for a former Harvard professor, he’s a pretty sharp guy.  He saw the business angle right away.

“Counselor,” he said, and there was an undertone of pecuniary self-interest in his voice, “under your argument, would I be able to patent a method of teaching law school that promised to keep at least 80% of students awake?”

“I don’t mind if you sleep, but please don’t drool.”

“Your Honor,” the lawyer replied, “if you can keep that many law students awake during a lecture on antitrust, it would be the greatest invention since canned beer.”

Canned beer, early experimental prototype

“Thanks, counselor, that’s just great,” Breyer said.  “You know, it’s not easy sitting up here day after day, listening to wing-tipped dweebs like you drone on and on, and not make as much money as a first-year associate at a Wall Street law firm.”

“I can understand your frustration,” the lawyer said.  “As a high-bracket taxpayer I’m not prepared to do anything about it, but I understand.”

Scalia:  “So I sez to him I sez, here’s one for you and one for the horse your rode in on.”

“Counselor,” Justice Scalia, interjected, and we all braced ourselves for a high-IQ onslaught.  “Nino” as he is affectionately referred to by those in whom he inspires affection, is the only world-class poker player on the court, with a prodigous memory capable of rattling off the actors and actresses who appeared in the Brady Bunch at the drop of a hat.  You have to take off your hat when you come into the Supreme Court, but I’ve seen him do it.

“Counselor,” Scalia began, and nobody coulda guessed where he was headed.  “Don’t you think that some people, horse whisperers or others, might have some patentable insights into the best way to train animals?”

“You have horse breath.”

“Your honor,” the lawyer began, “with all due respect to Robert Redford, who did a great job in that movie . . .”

“I thought he was cute in The Way We Were,” Justice Ginsburg said by way of interruption.  Ruth’s like that–always butting in.

“As I was saying,” the lawyer continued, “I think horse whispering is overrated.  Anybody can talk to a horse, and in the case of Mr. Ed, the horse can even talk back, so I think it fails the test of obviousness.  Goldfish whisperers, now that’s another story.”

“You touch it, you play it.”

I’d been watching Sonia Sotomayor, the newest justice, out of the corner of my eye.  I knew she was single–the only single woman ever to sit on the Supreme Court!  She was just chomping at the bit to ask a question, and as soon as she saw daylight, she hit the hole running.

“Counselor, let me pose a hypothetical,” she said, easing into her query.  “Let’s say someone came up with a really effective system of speed dating . . . “

“Really?  A Supreme Court Justice?  Wow!  I’m . . . a valet parking attendant.”

“Speed dating?”  The guy was clueless–probably hadn’t been inside a singles bar since the Johnson administration.

“Yes, speed dating.  It’s a formalized method for singles to meet a large number of new people, invented by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah.”

“I’m not familiar with the process, your honor.”

“Men and women rotate through a series of short ‘dates’ lasting from 3 to 8 minutes.  First impressions are usually accurate, except Congressional first impressions of me, which were totally wrong.”

“We only have a couple of seconds, so let me just say that I love you madly.”

“Okay, I follow you.”

“Anyway, suppose someone came up with a system of screening out the men who don’t have jobs as prestigious as Supreme Court Justice.  In my mind, that would be a very valuable enhancement to a process that is currently very hit-or-miss.  Wouldn’t you agree?”

The guy was drenched in flop sweat.  You never want to disagree with a Supreme Court Justice, but if he agreed with her, wouldn’t he be saying she needed help with a courtship technique that was already steeped in desperation?

“Your honor, I see my time is just about up . . .”

“I have discretion to grant you extra time,” she said with an icy tone.  “I’m waiting . . .”

“Your honor,” he said, and I could tell he was stalling for time.  “There are some women who are too good for any man.  Beautiful, talented, brilliant–I think you know the type.  Anyway, there are some improvements that are beyond the imagination of even the brightest minds.  So I don’t think that’s possible.”

If there was a rule against hyperbole before the Court I wouldn’t have a job.  But there isn’t, so I have to sit through this kind of sugar-coated b.s. every day.

She looked him up and down, taking the measure of the man.  “No further questions,” she said finally.  “Anybody else?”

“Yes.”  It was Justice Thomas, who never says a thing at oral argument.  “Can somebody get me a Diet Coke?”

Senior dating is very much like any other type of dating where you will experience euphoria and great excitement especially when everything is going well. You will also feel despair when things fail. There is one thing that keeps things interesting in this type of dating and it is that people are there enough to experience it. Another thing that makes it all convenient is that all their children (if they have) are not living with them anymore. Therefore, they can easily do it.

In the past 50 years, how much has the dating world have changed? The big difference in the scene of marriage and dating lies in the fact that women are now included in the force of paid labor unlike in the early years where women are only expected to stay at home and take care of the children. Modern women are now open to express their sexuality without fear of revocation and they do experiment a lot as well. Modern women have ideals with regards to dating and this includes love above everything else. However, some of them are still into the convenient way through living with their partner then marry them later rather than divorcing and then end up remarrying.

We are referring to the social cycle of our lives that people in this new world are living. The dating and marriage codes are not that rigid anymore. We see that our lifestyle are now rapidly changing that it is almost hard to cope.
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My brief effort at internet dating ended in a whimper last month when my match.com promotional subscription ran out.  Perhaps it was my lack of desire to post 80 pictures of myself on the internet along with a 1,000 word description of each thing that I have ever done, or perhaps I am not that desireable after all.  For my official excuse, I think I’ll go with a scientific study that I read recently, which elaborates on the idea that people are bad at thinking about each other in abstractions.  What this means is that the shopping lists that people set out for a desireable mate having nothing to do with what people actually want in a desireable mate.  Women tend to include in their shopping lists the desire for earnings potential and status in a mate (men tend to write down the desire for a good-looking mate, no surprises there).  It turns out women actually just want good-looking mates.

I figured as much.  What was new to me was a nuance in how men and women select their mates.  In most settings, women are reported to be more selective than men.  A group of researchers found this to be true in the common speed-dating setting where men rotate and women stay seated in one place.  When the roles were reversed and the men stayed seated in one place – the men became more selective.  The implications in daily life are intense; I’ll test out a few and see if I learn anything new.

P.S.  The study is by Finkel and Eastwick – well worth the read.

Bonjour, bienvenue sur le site du F.A.F, le blog conseil de Femmes A Femmes.

Amour, beauté, santé, vie sociale…  Les conseillères du F.A.F. sont là pour vous aider ! Quel que soit votre problème :  nous avons la solution !

UPDATE: Now sold out! Love is in the air…

Building upon the successes and countless romances spawned from previous AIDCO speed dating events, we’re pleased to announce the very latest speed dating spectacular!

Tired of looking for love, an adventure or even friendship in the wrong places?

Love might be around the corner… or at MEzZO, near Place St Géry, where this November 18, you’ll have three hours to find love…

When: November 18, 19h–22h

Where: MEzZO – Rue Borgval 18, near Place St Géry, Brussels centre [map]

Tickets: €6 – to be sold @ Plux on November 12 & 13 from 6.30pm, in front of Fat Boy’s sports bar & grill [map]

Did you know ?

A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds.

I was invited to try speed dating again since the attendance was low the first time.  I decided to give another shot because the experience was so memorable and entertaining.  To add to the adventure I went speed dating in a larger metropolitan city known for its free spirited hippie culture.  As I pulled up to the venue I felt anxious and even though I had done before it was still nerve-racking.  There was no traffic and I arrived on the early side.  I made by way to the bathroom to freshen up and heard Peter Gabriel’s song, In Your Eyes, playing throughout the venue.  I chuckled because that song was my junior prom theme song (Yes, I remember random things like that) and thought it was only appropriate the song was playing because I felt like I was in high school all over again.  Going speed dating is much like going to a high school dance as a freshman where the guys are on one side and girls are on the other and it feels just as awkward.  While I didn’t have on my Z. Cavaricci pants or a wet seal outfit, I flashed back to high school when hearing the song.  I then checked in and very few people were there so I phoned a few friends to kill time.  As I sat and waited for the event to begin I noticed a wave of older men entering the restaurant.  There were two events going on that night one with an age group of 30-45 and the other 45-60.  I was in the younger age group and was curious how it would differ compared to last time I went speed dating where the age group was 25-39.  After a few phone calls and lingering in the gift shop I ventured my way upstairs to the event.  By this time there were over 20 plus people there from both age groups.  A man walked up to me and began talking prior to the start of the event.  It was his first time speed dating and he asked me what type of questions to ask the women.  Are you genetically tested, he said.  I was puzzled at first because that is not a question that would come to my mind.  I thought to myself…Hello, do you inherit good genes so we can make babies one day?  I personally don’t think that’s a good question to start with when meeting a woman for the first time.  I don’t remember my exact response because I was so in shock of his comment and although he seemed to be joking it was out of nowhere.  I think I replied to ask women what they do for a living or what their hobbies are and was saved by the bell as the coordinator wanted  to begin.  I knew I would have to talk to him again because he was in my group.   There were 11 male participants and way too many to go into detail about each person.  Instead, I will highlight some of the most memorable and outlandish moments.  There was a variety of folks and not as many engineers as before.  Some of the professions mentioned included: painter, financial advisor, dog spa worker, Christmas caroler (will explain that one later), civil engineer, etc.  The first guy was in his mid 40’s and had a sweet stache like Tom Selleck in his Magnum PI days.  There was no connection or chemistry but he seemed like a nice man.  The best part about him was he had the movie phone guy voice.  He drew me in no matter what he said because the sound of his voice.  It was a good way to start the evening and at that point I had no idea I would be talking to people for the next 2 hours.  At times it was a tedious process of feeling like a broken record talking about what you do, what you like, etc.  I made the best of it and was there for the long haul.  Check back next week to find out more about my experience and hear about the Christmas caroler, genetically tested character and much MORE.  To read about my first experience speed dating check out Cupid on Speed (speed dating)

Yahoo! Personals – Product Review.

Yahoo has been around for since the early 90’s and has grown to be a monster in the personal online dating scene. With over 10 Million user accounts …this dating site has been designed with the idea of simplicity. Yahoo! Personals is extremely easy to use with lots of great options for searching for someone. You can look at other people’s profiles as well finding there like and dislikes. Not only is this site highly used by millions of people but it also won the “Single’s Choice” award for being the best dating site on the internet 2008.

Positive Features
* Yahoo’s 6-Month Promise, find a soulmate or receive and additional 6 month membership for free. See the cost section below for further details.
* Over 13 different international sites. Setup for the countries language and culture.
* Very large database of members
* Allow sorting of your search results by when Yahoo members have last logged on (a very useful feature).
* Easy to join and use.
* Yahoo is a trusted name brand.

Negative Features
*Some sponsored links at the bottom of your singles search results. Not sure if they are still there with paid membership.
*I found alot of people looking for just a sex hookup or swingers…But that could be a Positive !.

Closing Statement:
“I have personaly used Yahoo! Personals and feel it is a great product, I started with their seven day free trial. It trully is free so give it a try !”.

Login Here !

I went on a field trip yesterday. Well the kids went, I just tagged along. I snuck into the gift shop because a girls gotta shop, and there before my eyes was exactly what I had needed to cure my broken heart. A frog. Wow, you say to yourself, this girl is desperate! Hang on, don’t judge too quickly! He wasn’t just ANY frog, he was wearing a crown. He’s a frog prince! Has your faith been restored? Can you just read the rest of this blog?

I snatched that little guy right up, picked up something cute for my other prince (my son), and felt inspired. It was a good day.

Frog Prince came home and now sits next to my laptop. His crown is a little crooked on his head, he’s all rusty, he wiggles on the desk as I “tap, tap” on my keyboard, and he’s a little overweight for my taste. He’s PERFECT! Do you want to know why he’s perfect? Because I know under all that rust, and pot belly lays every little girls (and now grown up girls) fantasy. If you kiss him he will turn into a handsome prince! And we will live happily ever after. The END! No? Not the end? How come? What’s up with you trying to pop the bubble I’ve so happily lived in all these years? Poo on you. I’m going to kiss that little guy…..

“POOF”!!! Little thing is still sitting on my desk! The POOF, was the bulb in my lamp burning out. SOOOO close! Ok, you don’t win yet, once I replace that bulb, I’m going in for another kiss….

We’ve all been there. We saw the pot bellied, charming, but not so cute guy and thought, “OH if I kiss him, I can turn him into whomever I wish”. WRONG! If he’s got a pot belly before you kiss him, chances are he’ll still need to do a few sit ups when your lips part. If he looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and squawks like a duck – he’s a duck. Don’t kiss him, ducks don’t have lips!

I’ve kissed lots of frogs, thinking the love of a good (no great) woman would make them into this amazing person. Falling in love, being truly loved will surely bring out all their best “Prince Like” qualities. Right girls? Didn’t we all think that? Nod your head yes because you know I am right.

Truth is, people are who they are. If you think you will make a difference in their lives, you might. For about 45 seconds or so. Then they go right back into their old bad habits. People (men and women) are creatures of habit. They must change on their own and do so because it’s good for them, not you. They must truly understand the evolution process can happen in a complete lifetime and not over billions of years. To change, to be better than you were in your last relationship will take proof. Proof to yourself first, and then investing the time to SHOW the one you love.

I’ve had really great guys in my life. Unfortunately, I let them hop back into the pond. I let them go because they weren’t much of a challenge. Challenges are the things that make my adreneline pump, make my heart race faster, and my eyes brighter. I love a challenge and have kissed plenty of frogs to prove that point. Sadly, like that little guy with the crooked crown, they are still frogs… to me at least.

But maybe the next girl will find them their one and only happy ending. God I hope that for everyone. That frog, even though he might be a smuck, deserves to be loved – pot belly and all. We all deserve to be loved. Showered with roses, covered in kisses, and devoured in love ever after.

So my little prince watches over me tonight, he smiles at me and cheers me on. He doesn’t ask much, but today when I’ve had enough of the kissing frogs that didn’t become “Prince Like”, he just holds out his little three-fingered hand and asks for me to come along on his fairy tale ending…. somewhere in that pond of love.

I think that’s what my real prince will do. If he’s got a six pack, or a pot belly, if his heart is pure, holds out his hand (hopefully with more than three fingers), and asks me to be his princess, I think I’ll take whatever I see after we kiss and I open my eyes. I think I will be staring at my Prince.

I will caution you to always kiss with confidence, and kiss for keeps. Don’t we all need to believe in happily ever after? Because when it’s all said and done – what’s “after”?

Love,

Mel

Hey kids,

I need your opinions.

So, even though I have dated or been in a relationship for longer than one would usually care to admit – and have no desire to start dating again – I’ve been wondering something.

Would it be completely wrong to try and pick up girls in a bar or go on a date – or even try something like speed dating – purely for the writing material?

Discuss.

Even speed dating can feel like it’s going in slow motion. Sigh…

(Posted with permission from Feeding the Puppy.)

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I know, you were expecting something else. It would be so much more pleasant if the three L’s I am going to blog about in the next few paragraphs were those little signs you see at Hallmark “Live, Laugh, Love”. Sorry, not today. Run to Hallmark if you feel the need to get some warm fuzzies. I personally love that phrase, I think I had it on one of my walls in my last house. Today I want to go right to the heart of the three L’s that often times weave their way into all of our realities (and not necessarily our walls). Ready, set, let’s “L” together.

Love – I adore that word. It is sacred, and everything I find holy and spiritual. I know the meaning of it on a deep, deep level. I know what it stands for and I know what it doesn’t stand for. Sometimes the word can flow from your mouth before you are able to take it in and breathe it’s sanctity. You are anxious, threatened, scared, or truly moved by someone so much you think this word is all that will be needed to keep and sustain them. How careful you must be not to misplace the timing of a declaration of love. After it has been uttered, the bar is set, and the game of love is on. It’s all different after that. Expectations, rules of engagement, and all that stood before is still there, just heightened a hundred fold. You pray you can live up to the power of the word. You pray you will be worthy for a lifetime of this person you said “Love” to. It’s a huge responsibility, and I wish people took it more seriously.

No one is perfect. Life and love are lessons we all must learn. Onto the second “L” – Learn. People can be taught at any age. The desire to learn and become more than you are/were should make life exciting and worthwhile. I’ve learned so much about myself in the last few years. I’ve learned I am alot stronger than I ever knew. I’ve been tested in ways no one should be tested. I walked through the fires and came out with a strong understanding of myself, the power of life, and the value in lessons learned.

I learn, or at least try to learn from my mistakes. I admit to my shortcomings outloud, and work on them if opportunities present themselves. I was in a relationship once that seemed very genuine. I felt safer with this man than anyone in recent memory. It had been a tough road to move back to the “L” word with anyone, and at last I found myself saying it. But I soon began to doubt that he was who he said he was. I panicked thinking I couldn’t be this stupid or naive at my age! And who at MY age is going to play a trick like that? I have learned in the past to listen to my gut, and my gut was telling me something was rotten. It didn’t take much time, he admitted I had been right all along. The love word had been thrown out quite prematurely (by us both) and I was left standing with my heart in my hand – and little else. All dignity and sense of balance thrown completely out the window.

So I learned and I lost. Heartbreaking, gutwrenching news. On to the last “L” – Lose. So obviously no one wins when “Lose” is in the sentence somewhere. What next? Do you run right back to the first “L” and try to “Love” again? Some might. I suspect he will quickly. I chose to move back into #2 – Learn. What did I learn so I don’t Lose next time? Well I would have to say I need to keep the word Love high on the pedestal it deserves to stand on. Cherish that word – when spoken from the right lips – is true and honest. There isn’t a set of conditions, or make believe feelings that “tag along’ with Love. It stands on its own.

I will Love, and Learn and hopefully never Lose again. The reality is that there will always be people out there throwing that word around to people like me who actually like that word and believe it with every fiber of their being. It’s not a word to get someone in bed, make them doubt their dreams or ambitions, and it certainly wasn’t invented for people who have no desire to Live to Love. If you are going to Live, Laugh, Love… I couldn’t be happier for you. If you find yourself confused about the meaning of Love – look it up, talk to people who are in loving relationships, and never utter it until you can back it up. Be someone who Loves to Learn and Lives to Love, not Loves to Lose.

As for me… it’ll take some time. But I’ll be back. Stay tuned!

Love,

Mel