“It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever”

Check out more Spinal Tap: 50+ videos, photos and more

Watch their performance on Letterman:

I use the word ‘momentum’ lightly, but the Bruins had shown some encouraging strides in their last four game home stand and seemed poised to continue that upward trend.  So much for trending up. The following two games, at the Pittsburgh Penguins on November 14 and back home against the New York Islanders on November 16, were polar opposites in terms of effort by the Bruins, but both games had the same result: making Bruins fans nauseous.

The Bruins got a point in Pittsburgh, and it was well-earned as they came back from FOUR one-goal deficits to finally take a 5-4 lead with 2:29 remaining in regulation. But they let the win slip away like a fart in the desert as Tim Thomas let in a softie by ex-Bruin Billy Guerin with just under a second left.  Another giveaway  from Thomas in OT secured the two points for Pittsburgh.  Here’s the game summary for those interested…I’m still not ready to re-live this loss.  New Hampshire native Ben Lovejoy  did record his first NHL point in his second NHL game as he registered an assist for the Penguins.

Against the Islanders, the Bruins were so uninspired for such long stretches of the game, I had to check to see if Dave Lewis was back behind the bench.  There were no Bruins highlights. Here’s the game summary….Roloson and Moulson, and some empty Bruins jerseys.

The Bruins are headed on the road until Thanksgiving for four games, starting tomorrow night in Atlanta.  They are currently tied for 11th place in the Eastern Conference, and Bruins fans are sweating like Amy Winehouse  going through customs.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I need a laugh.

CLICK  below to cachinnate:

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]]> http://kit001.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/whatre-the-hours/ Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:41:44 +0000 kit001 http://kit001.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/whatre-the-hours/

Waking up is hard to do – especially when you have to get up and try to find a purpose to your life.  Knowing that nothing much will happen, not at all really.  You will spend hours sorting shit out, looking through even more shit that probably has nothing to do with improving you life or your situation.  Before this takes a turn for the depressing…

I find myself in the kitchen (sometimes in other peoples’) in afternoon soup making scenarios increasingly often these days.  What makes me wake up (yes I do still find purpose to my life!), spend several hours tirelessly trawling through, mainly unsuitable job vacancies.  It’s never as easy as in the films where you go through the classifieds section of the newspaper with a red marker pen circling things.  Then spending lots of time working on my CV, portfolio and shit online (things aside from Facebook, masturbation and procrastination, I know what you’re thinking!).  That then makes me want to make soup?!  French onion with sliced baguette and gruyere a week ago, winter vegetable a few days ago and carrot, lentil and coriander today.  Maybe it’s because it is the one thing that I have control over, where I get the desired end result and it’s food, comforting food at that.  I get to do something which I feel is rewarding, probably why I write this bloody thing.  Besides I make good soup!  Just in case you were wondering, that’s what people will be getting off me for Xmas.  Just remember – it’s DAMN GOOD soup!

Someone suggested I applied for a job as a receptionist the other day.  I mean really!  Me!  A receptionist?!  Well it isn’t far from my house, virtually no travelling distance.  Erm, maybe, not sure it would suit me though.  Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all…  Got me thinking of the closing scenes of Spinal Tap:

Nigel Tufnel: [on what he would do if he couldn't be a rock star] Well, I suppose I could, uh, work in a shop of some kind, or… or do, uh, freelance, uh, selling of some sort of, uh, product. You know…
Marty DiBergi: A salesman?
Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like maybe in a, uh, haberdasher, or maybe like a, uh, um… a chapeau shop or something. You know, like, “Would you… what size do you wear, sir?” And then you answer me.
Marty DiBergi: Uh… seven and a quarter.
Nigel Tufnel: “I think we have that.” See, something like that I could do.
Marty DiBergi: Yeah… you think you’d be happy doing something like-…
Nigel Tufnel: “No; we’re all out. Do you wear black?” See, that sort of thing I think I could probably… muster up.
Marty DiBergi: Do you think you’d be happy doing that?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don’t know – wh-wh-… what’re the hours?

The receptionist job did leave me thinking though, ‘what’re the hours?’

HELLO CLEVELAND!

Live guests Rakim – RA The Rugged Man – Scorzayzee – Harry Shearer (The Simpsons and Spinal Tap) – Mykil Miers and more!

Show Features

On this blockbuster feature film of a show we have:

Rakim joins us for one of his most deep and lengthy interviews of his entire career. This may just be the most intrusive and probing interview that you will ever hear with the man who changed what it meant to be an emcee and helped create the art of rhyming from scratch. As well as talking about the importance of the new Rakim album, world premiered here on the show a few weeks ago, he also takes time to talk Aftermath, The Detox, Eric B, Jay-Z as well as offering an open plea to Nas to contact him in order to discuss the recent ‘Rakim dedication’ record that Nas penned. This is almost 60 minutes with the true pioneer of rhyme. Only a “rap” music fan would miss this.

RA The Rugged Man joins us for an equally epic and emotional frontline tour of his career, music and life. Disturbing him from the shower when we call and dressed in nothing more than a towel and his pride, RA takes us on a journey which involves many stops including his family, his legal issues, mainstream US DJs, his movies and a whole lot more in this 40 minute Conspiracy special.

Harry Shearer, the pioneering voice of many of The Simpsons characters brings with him onto the show such people as Ned Flanders, Otto, Principal Skinner and even orchestrates Reverend Lovejoy’s and Flanders’ reaction to Marge Simpson appearing on the cover of Playboy Magazine. Known for his sharp ear and intrinsic eye for subtle wit, Harry Shearer is much more than “that guy who does voices”. We explore his life on this interview, covering topics such as Spinal Tap and its influence upon Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, Friends, Saturday Night Live and so much more my fingers would ring social services if I typed it all. Simply listen in.

Scorzayzee takes a rare time out to deliver his first ever radio interview with us, as we discuss his new album, Islam, life as a movie star with “La Donk & Scor-zay-zee” and life with Shane Meadows. The main focus here is the microphone and we explore Scorzayzee’s creative process, his beat selection and even hear two exclusive live acapellas from his rhyme book. CRS Entertainment is one of the most talented and dedicated units in the Uk and this interview just cements that. Expect to hear more from Scorz and Conspiracy in 2010.

AND THAT’S NOT ALL!
Mykil Miers is in an electric mood as he slides in to tell us about his new album, life working on VH1 and Bravo, his movie career and much more in a must-listen interview. This guy breathes positivity and it is our pleasure to encourage you to buy his new opus, released December 1st 2009.

CONSPIRACY WORLDWIDE RADIO PT 1
CONSPIRACY WORLDWIDE RADIO PR 2

Not my top five movies of all time - that’s the kind of list that could give a girl a nervous breakdown.  No, instead this is my top five list of movies to do with music.  Rather more specific and much less stressful to compile!  Here they are in no particular order:

1.  Spinal Tap

Arguably the funniest movie ever made in my opinion, but perhaps that’s because I come from a family of musicians!  Every detail is accurate, from the coldsores that appear on the musicians’ mouths mid-tour, to the friction between the lead guitarist and singer’s girlfriend.  In the 25 years since its initial release, Spinal Tap has become a cult favourite and the movie is made up of one classic scene after another, from Stonehenge to Hello Cleveland, by way of Graceland and an Air Force Base.  Any movie that contains the line “you can’t dust for vomit” is a classic in my book.

2.  The Legend of 1900

Tim Roth is one of my favourite actors and I absolutely adore this film.  1900 is the name of the main character, played by Roth, and he was found abandoned as a newborn on the ship the SS Virginian.  As 1900 grows up he shows a talent for music and becomes the ship’s orchestra’s resident pianist, and this is where the movie really takes off.  The piano battle between 1900 and and Jelly Roll Morton, the “inventor of jazz”, is an incredible show of virtuosity, and the scene where 1900 takes the newest orchestra member on a ride on the piano during a storm is pure magic.

3.  Anvil: The Story of Anvil

One of the most heart warming and inspirational movies I have ever seen, and no I’m not being facetious.  Lips’s unwavering belief in his band and infectious enthusiasm about all things music-related have to be seen to be appreciated.  After ten minutes of watching this film my sister turned to me and said “OK, I know nothing about this band, but I am now TOTALLY on their side”.   You will be too, all the way to the end of the movie.

4.  Almost Famous

Almost Famous tells the story of the fictional band “Stillwater” and their tour throughout America in 1973 and how an aspiring journalist, William Miller, asttempts to chronicle the tour for Rolling Stone.  The movie is pure perfection, capturing the spirit of life on the road in such a way that makes you want to go to a gig immediately.   The Band Aids (or groupies) are central to the film, in much the same way as they were central to touring life.   Although she has a supporting role, Kate Hudson is the star of this movie as far as I’m concerned.   Penny Lane is an unforgettable character; charismatic, adorable and utterly lovable.  I must have watched this film at least twenty times and every time I see it I just wanna go on tour maaaaaan!

5.  La Vie En Rose

I have adored Edith Piaf since my father gave me a biography of her when I was in my teens.  Her almost incredible story, and her belief in music and love as life’s greatest forces always stayed with me.  Marion Cotillard was perfect as Piaf and it is hard to imagine any other actress doing her justice in the same way.

*Honourable Mention goes to Control.

Anton Corbijn’s directorial debut is a masterpiece, showing Ian Curtis’s genius and fragility with true compassion.  This movie is worth seeing for the breathtaking cinematography alone; every single scene from this black and white movie could be frozen to make a beautiful photograph.

A lot of updates, and I figured they’d get lost in the mix if I gave them each their own post one after another in the same five minutes. So I squished them altogether. Like an Orange Squeeze compressor. Score. Tone joke. And a bad one.

First order of business is that some ambient pads are finally available for download. I figured that perhaps others might be able to find uses for them in their churches and venues as well. But, it’s still in the preview stage. So there’s only two pads up right now…I didn’t want to put a ton of time into them if there’s absolutely no interest. hehe But if there is some interest, I’ll be more than happy to finish out all the keys, and different versions of all the keys. Here’s all the info for these:

Downloads

Free Ambient Pads Page

Original Ambient Pad Setup post

Secondly, I received some comments kindly pointing out the lack of chordal rhythm work in my latest Fulldrive/Tim/Liquid Blues Shootout video. I was appalled. My videos are perfect. Then I went back and listened to it. Yep, no rhythm whatsoever. I am a rockstar. (You’re reading the sarcasm in that, right?) So I have apologetically posted a second video of the same pedals, showcasing their more rhythmic qualities. And for some reason, I make the strangest sounds in between the different rhythmic passages. No, not cool ones with the guitar. With my mouth. It’s odd.

But you can check that post with the new additional shootout video here:

Fulldrive Vs. Tim Vs. Liquid Blues

And lastly, for the first time since 1984, all is right with the world. I have never, ever wanted a piece of gear more:

It’s beautiful, really. Almost indescribable. Almost as if the world wasn’t really turning all this time, until you saw that picture. And if you’re not quite sure what is going on right now, allow me, if you will, to change your life:

Sorry, I couldn’t find a Spinal Tap clip with the actual ‘None More Black’ record reference, or the clip where they sign the black record with the black felt marker (hehe), but I’m pretty sure these will do.

Splendid.
Karl.

I just watched the documentary about the heavy metal band “Anvil” titled “The Story Of Anvil“.

It was a fun movie. It’s like a real life “This Is Spinal Tap” (which is a “mockumentary”, or mock documentary, about a fake heavy metal band called “Spinal Tap”).

Anyways, I knew the Canadian heavy metal band Anvil in the ’80s. But I was never really a big fan of theirs.
Actually I had totally forgotten about Anvil for the past twenty-some years…until this movie was released last month.
But Japanese fans are famous for being dedicated for life. This documentary about Anvil begins with the band playing at a heavy metal festival in Japan in the mid-80s, and then it shows how they struggled for nearly three decades in obscurity in their small hometown in Canada…until they were offered the chance in 2006 to return to Japan and play at the LoudPark ‘06 heavy metal festival in front of a huge Japanese crowd again.

The behavior of the members of Anvil in this documentary makes me think that maybe “This Is Spinal Tap” is inspired by Anvil…even though the Spinal Tap mockumentary was released in the mid-80s.

For example, in the Spinal Tap movie, one member of that band changed the numbers on his amplifier so that the maximum volume read “11″ rather than “10″, and he thought that that made it louder than other amps.
And in the Anvil movie, the guitarist’s amplifier also goes up to eleven.

Also, the Spinal Tap band went to “Stonehenge” and were inspired by it and decided to add a giant 18-foot prop Stonehenge to their stage…but a misunderstanding led the prop to be designed at only 18 inches tall.
And in their movie, Anvil also went to “Stonehenge” for inspiration.

Another similarity between the two movies is that both bands struggled to become successful, often playing in front of audiences of less than six people…until they learned how popular they were in Japan.

And an usual coincidence is that “This Is Spinal Tap” was directed by Rob Reiner…and the drummer of Anvil is named Robb Reiner.

I’m convinced. Anvil is the real Spinal Tap.

Here’s the official trailer for “The Story Of Anvil“:

And here’s the scene from “This Is Spinal Tap” where the guitarist is convinced that having “11″ written on the amp makes it louder:

photo by Peter Renn, from the BBC

It is not at all clear what the little Stonehenge replica, actually a mere trilithon, in the movie This Is Spinal Tap, is made of. Some say it was inflatable, some say it was made of foam. We dedicated our 100th post to that one, the only Stonehenge replica most people have ever seen. But there have been others.

Spinal Tap, although a mock band, also tours, and on some but not all of their tours they have had other Stone’enges, at least one of which, and possibly all of which, were inflatable. Inflatable but apparently not always inflated. People who attended their concert at the Wembley arena in July report that they had trouble, um, keeping it at attention . . .

At a Glastonbury concert in June they had a rather smaller one, but it appears to have been closer to 4 feet than 18 inches high.

The inflatable Stonehenge is in general a much rumoured but rarely seen item. It is said one was commissioned a few years ago for a high end party in Manhattan, but if there are pictures of it online, we have not found them. There may be others, too, rentable for paint ball skirmishes and the like, but those, too, we cannot find.

We think it is an unfilled niche! Why doesn’t every party place have inflatable Stonehenges to rent for garden parties and village events? We can imagine them at fairs, music festivals, all kinds of gatherings. And, of course, eventually someone would be seized by the urge to fill them with helium. A floating inflatable Stonehenge! It would be something the world has never seen. And we don’t just mean a trilithon, people! Think of it!

Score for the Spinal Tap touring trilithons: 5 druids. And it’s that high only because they’re funny and because, let’s face it, they put Stonehenge replicas on the map. We want to thank Emma Harrison, bigmollusk, of World Before Wireless, for pointing these out to us. Emma, we await that inflatable Stonehenge you promised us. Deadline is December 21!

Rock On, dudes!

I can’t believe it, but I can’t deny it: one of my favourite records of the entire decade was the Spinal Tap-py, refreshing heavy rock throwback first record by The Darkness. I loved it from the first hearing, and loved it proudly, but didn’t expect that of all the records that I dug during the Oh’s, this would stay fresh for me.

I like trying to figure out how taste works, especially how early musical experiences influence later preferences – and Permission To Land was a case study in those ideas. Melodic heavy rock was my preference during my early teens, and that style can still hit me right in the guts. I was big into Sammy Hagar when I was 13, 14 – and April Wine, Journey, and Styx were quite formative, for better or worse. I got bored and left the whole thing behind when it became the shrillish hair metal of the mid to late 80’s, but I’m still captured by those old sounds. Matthew Sweet dug it back up – Sick of Myself etc – and Nirvana, the Weakerthans, the Soft Boys, all harken back to that for me. It’s comfort food for my ears.

Nevermind that the Darkness were high-larious. The first exposure I had was the video for I Believe In a Thing Called Love, which was set in a UFO. I was shocked by the yummy riff, pulled in by the arch, almost ridiculous falsetto vocals, and sold when the solo was intro’d by a yelped “Gee-Tah!” I bought the record the next day and then played it for weeks. Get Your Hands Off Of My Woman (“mothafuckah!”) made me howl. The Buffyish scary story of a giant devil-dog called Black Shuck (“that dog don’t give a fuck!”), the boasting and revelling heroin anthem Givin’ Up (“giving a fuck”), and the title alone of Love On the Rocks (With No Ice), all killed me. The early 80s radio song Friday Night is a great formalist experiment in pop writing – the chorus “Dancing on a Friday night” wouldn’t work if it wasn’t a punchline to a list of lame afterschool activities for unpopular kids.

Monday cycling, Tuesday gymnastics,
Dancing on a Friday night
I got Bridge Club on Wednesday, Archery on Thursday
Dancing on a Friday night

And the music around these fine and funny song ideas is a really, really great tribute to a sound I rarely hear anymore. It sends me back to Billy Squire, to ACDC, to 38 Special; to the little receiver my parents gave me when I was 10 or 11 and the local AM station it picked up. It’s ridiculous but earnest music that could only be played by people in leather pants, standing shirtless in an arena pose, devil signs in the air above them like skinny Ozzy fans. I love it.

The second record by The Darkness was a sort of ode to Queen, well carried out – but I didn’t care. This one was all the Darkness I needed this decade. And of course, they couldn’t maintain the thing: after two records and some real success, the singer went down in a rehab blaze out, the band continued with the bass player singing, and while I haven’t bothered to check, I’m sure they’re over. That’s part of the story – a requirement of the Secret Devil Sign fraternity.

Heavy Metal has always been its own parody (the secret to the brilliance of Spinal Tap and the success of its unacknowledged pomo sequel The Osbournes). The only way to do it is to really do it. Done well, it keeps its tongue in its cheek and a cucumber down its pants. It never winks, because it never stops winking.

Here’s a couple of the reasons this record is near the top of this list. First, the video that slayed me:

and its sequel:

And because I want you to hear it, and found this remarkable video, here’s Givin’ Up:

At last week’s Art of Management event, Tom Peters took the closing keynote.  Probably a good call, since late in the day you need someone who’s going to wake you up… and Peters’ is certainly up to the task.  I actually think of Tom Peters as the corporate equivalent of a “shock jock” ala Howard Stern.  As one of my fellow “tweeters” noted:  Time on stage before Tom Peters launches into his first rant: 10 seconds.

Peters is not known for being subtle.  I’ve seen him at least 8 times over the past 10 years and always find him to be an entertaining speaker who gets you thinking.  He throws out provocative statistics and anecdotes and has a terrific way of making you see that the majority of organizational processes are idiotic and most managers are inept.  As an example from this session:  most doctors get the info they need to diagnose their patients from the patients themselves.  And yet… most doctors will interrupt the patient in the first 18 seconds.  To bash the point across, Peters shouts: “How many of you in here are 18 SECOND MANAGERS?!?!?!?!”

It’s edutainment at its finest.  However, as I heard Peters rant about the fact that he’s never been more frustrated with organizations (because apparently he’s been doing this schpeel for years and nothing’s changing), I started to wonder if all his hype was killing his point.  I can certainly attest to the fact that Peters message hasn’t changed much since I first saw him in ’99.  Same stats, same rants… just a few different spins.

It got me thinking: can you, as a leader, actually overshadow your purpose by overhyping the problems?  As I watched the audience I saw a lot of laughter and head nodding, but I wondered how much of the message was actually sinking in and how much was the enthusiastic response of an audience enjoying a “show”.

As leaders, especially you passionate excitable types (guilty as charged), one of the Achilles heels that we may need to watch for is the constant need to dial everything up to 11, when maybe a 5 will suffice.

Passion for your cause is crucial to winning people over, but don’t go over the top.  People may enjoy the show, but they’re probably going to tune back to another channel when it’s all over.

 Happy leading!

So our drummer left, we thought Apocalypse  was happening Now

We searched everywhere, from the sticks to Chinatown

In fact we were Raging like a  Bull in the Heat of the Night

felt surreal like Blue Velvet caught ourselves a fright

But we kept on til we found one, then down to business

connected thru our Network now we’re all pistons

we move together like Clockwork, Orange

We move Back to the Future cuz looking back is too boring

We went from Men in Tight spots like Robin Hood

To trying to find our way out of The Wood

We were Hunter’s of Deer  Crouching like Tiger

Keeping our Dragon Hidden til our eyes got wider

Now we Terminator the show

Full Metal Jacket the flow, Tap Spinals

Bring Heat whether on record or Vinyl

We came from an Animal House to become Godfather’s

Worry bout ex band members why bother?

We don’t let it slide, we just know the Dude Abides

This life wasn’t mean to be an Easy Ride

So as we pass the piece, we say, “Peace, until next time”

Classical music makes you smarter–or so I’ve heard.  Isn’t that why They say to play Mozart to babies in the womb?  And why They also created movies for babies to watch with Beethoven as the soundtrack?  Why does this only work for babies?  Wait, isn’t it a psuedo-science?

Ahh, it’s so nice to hear an orchestra over the bus speakers.  I silently thank N.P.R. for their benevolence and languid radio waves. Violins, flutes and French horns seeping through those hundreds of metal pinpricks in the ceiling, strategically placed so each and every rider can get a healthy dose of the Classical or Romantic music periods.  I imagine everyone is taking multiple breaths that nearly touch their diaphragms, while their minds ease into a moment of semi-deep reflection.

I feel inspired, ready to listen intently to each and every professor I sit in front of today.  I’m encouraged to read the newspaper, eat a low-calorie breakfast and perhaps go for a brisk walk.  I will do well today.

(8 Hours Later.)

Oh goodness, I needn’t have ran to catch the bus idling in the streetlamp’s glow.  Looks empty, I’ll get a good seat.

YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEEEN–YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEN OH YEAHHHH

I used to love this song.  I remember when the A*Teens remade it.  I think this version is the remake.  ABBA didn’t seem quite so–

DANCING QUEEEEN, FEEL THE BEAT FROM THE TAMBOURIIIINE

–enthusiastic?  Or perhaps I’m overestimating the group’s gusto, it could be that the volume is up to “11″ on this one.

YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN JIVE–HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIIIIFE

The bus speakers go one louder.  That really is quite loud.

The NRFP team is proud to officially announce that we have picked a really talented team to head up Narrow Road’s visual effects department!

Holechek Pictures, lead by twin brothers David and Daniel Holechek, is fast becoming an industry player in the digital and special effects realm. The team at Holechek Pictures has already amassed impressive screen credits for short films, television productions, and feature films including James Cameron’s Avatar, Arizona and 305 (both of which were produced by David and Daniel and received national distribution), Spinal Tap – Back From the Dead, Not Another Not Another Movie starring Chevy Chase, and many more. Holechek Pictures not only brings industry-standard visual effects to the production of The Narrow Road—they also bring valuable production and distribution resources as well.

We’re thrilled to have Holechek Pictures on our team!

And so we return to the business of listing the ten funniest films of all time, as voted for by a distinguished panel of expert….me. They’re all chosen by me. So, stomach in, trousers down and lets get to the custard pies and loose flying bras we all find so damned hilarious. Did Morecambe and Wise die in The Intelligence Men for nothing? Only time will tell…(yes)

7. Withnail and I (Bruce Robinson, 1986)

“What FUCKER said that?”

As obvious as Sgt Pepper or Ian Huntley, Withnail and I nonetheless deserves its feted status as a cult classic by virtue of the fact that that as well as being hugely (and in some people’s cases, tragically) quotable its also an incredibly funny film with exceptionally strong performances by the famously tee-total Richard E Grant, Paul McGann as “I” (the unnamed Marwood) and Richard Griffiths as the filthy, ever bum-hungry Uncle Monty.

“You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you’re doing it!”

Stripped of its drinking games and student reciting, there’s a very sweet tale of friendship in between the Camberwell carrots and finest wines known to humanity. For me, I picked it up in one of HMV or Virgin’s offers when I was going through a phase of buying “essential” movies I felt I needed to watch. A few years later, it was the favourite film of my first proper girlfriend which became one of the founding points of our relationship.

“…I have a heart condition, if you hit me its murder.”

Drugs are inherently unfunny to me, but for some reason the film bypasses this by not really glamorising them, to the point that Withnail’s final scene fills you with a sense of true pity and raw humanity that few out and out comedies would ever have the bollocks to put onscreen.

6. This Is Spinal Tap (Rob Reiner, 1984)

Do I honestly need to say why Tap is funny when so many people have fallen over themselves to do so in the past 25 years? Probably not but I will say that the first time I saw it was almost by error thanks to those 2 films on one video releases they used to do in which it was partnered with another still very fond comedy favourite of mine “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”.

I had the tape for a good few months before I decided to give it a go and almost immediately watched it again. In fact, I was so inspired by it that I made my GCSE Media Studies project an almost direct rip-off (read: homage unless you’re Ricky Gervais then please die) the year after.

Don’t hate it for the dross it ended up eventually inspiring or the slightly depressing revival this year spearheaded by every tiresome British comedian in the country. Just think of Puppet Show, “Shit Sandwich”, Lick My Love Pump, “kick my ass”, All The Way Home, “18 inches” and the sublimely matched music pastiches. You know what I want, you know what I need. Or maybe you don’t. Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything…?

5. Mallrats (Kevin Smith, 1995)

After a couple of obvious choices, one that doesn’t crop up so much in the AFI’s lists so much. And more fool them say I, for as crude and blatant as this film can be, it is just as much a tale of friendship and love as Casablanca or The Shawshank Redemption. Mallrats just happens to have more nude boobs, comic book geekery and filthy anecdotes about wanking on aeroplanes under its belt.

As a follow up to the much more beloved Clerks, Mallrats was described as a textbook example of what not do as a second picture. Fuck those people, say I. Indeed, I actually saw Mallrats before any of Kevin Smith’s other films on a late night BBC2 airing and loved it from the get go, particularly the strong core group of friends in the centre played by a long pre-Earl Jason Lee as the foul-mouthed Brodie Bruce with Shannon Doherty, Joey Lauren Adams, Michael Rooker, Renee Humphrey and Ben Affleck in core support, the latter of which playing an unspeakably oily salesman who likes to screw women in an extremely uncomfortable place. And I don’t mean in the back of a Volkswagen.

Critically poisonous but incredibly good fun all the same. Why not give it a go? You might just find yourself enjoying it. DO IT DOUG!

4. Kids In The Hall: Brain Candy (Kelly Makin, 1996)

Probably better known in this country than the five seasons of sketch comedy that preceded it, Brain Candy was the result of a torturous making process in which the troupe pissed the distributors off so much (in thanks mostly to the appearance of incredibly upbeat series character Cancer Boy) that they buried it upon release, making it a cult classic that deserves a much wider audience.

The plot concerns a new wonder drug for depression which is rushed onto the market without testing and makes its creator Dr Chris Cooper (the always superb Kevin McDonald) a household name but has the unfortunate side-effect of putting its users into living comas. The rest of the Kids crop up in a variety of character roles although a completely excised subplot involving Dave Foley as a radical activist was dropped at the last minute, leaving his contributions somewhat less than the others as a result and ultimately leading to the bad blood that saw the team break up.

Much more coherent as a proper film that any sketch troupe movie has the right to be and even comes with a bunch of great comedy songs to boot including the very Nine Inch Nails sounding “Some Days Its Dark”, “Happiness Pie” and all-out musical extravaganza “I’m Gay”.

And how can you not love a film with the following bit of back and forth: “Kids, where’s your Father?” / “He’s upstairs masturbating to gay porn” / “Again…!?!?”

Tomorrow, the top three which come from 1975, 1979 and 1986. That’s right. Its Jaws, Jaws II and Jaws The Revenge. Well they made me laugh anyway…