I decided to take a break.

From my training, my job, from everything. I can’t explain why. One morning I simply woke up. I couldn’t take another day of it. So I didn’t.

I thought maybe I would write, but I haven’t. I thought I would conceive a grand plan, but I won’t. I thought I would long for Soo Bahk Do and miss it terribly. I didn’t.

My belt is sitting, folded up on my dresser. I have been wondering at the meaning of it. In the past, I’ve had many things to say about rank, about this uniform. Lately, I am rendered speechless. Something about the belt scares me. I have not had the courage to put it on.

I saw others training. I wondered why they were doing it. I thought the clothes looked silly, I felt uncomfortable at the idea of wearing them. I didn’t know anymore if I liked the people I trained with, or if I was just comfortable in my training. I saw those clothes, those people, and I thought, Is that who I am?

My physicality was so human. Flawed, limited, frustrating, stagnant. I was so human. The more human, the more imperfect, the smaller I was, the smaller I became. Just the futility of life. Of breathing. Of creating.

I fell

asleep.

Or had I been sleeping the whole time?

I feel like an impostor. To call myself a writer, a musician, or an artist. I don’t know what it is I do. Really. My whole life I’ve been worried about how little time I have and how meager my contribution, just wishing I could learn to focus on less than seven things. Get more done. Have discipline. Work harder.

I have never been what others believe of me. Every time I take the pedestal, I fall atrociously. For years I’ve been running after some perfect moment. Myself, at eighteen. Charmed and fearless. It all comes undone. Everything I’ve ever wanted. The whole of my imagination.

The rank is not meaningless or it would not taunt me from a drawer I no longer open. It bears a weight. I could no longer carry it for the time. I felt that somehow I had become smaller and the weight much larger. The scale fell out of balance. How can I wear this belt when I am barely grasping at my breath, falling asleep at the wheel? How can I wear this belt, with all of its implications, and be anything less than controlled — assured, certain? I become a fraud, a joke, a false hope.

I needed to reevaluate everything about my perspective. I didn’t know when the day would come that I felt ready to work again, I only had faith that it would come. I’ve spent many silences, these beautiful fall days, closer to peace than I have in years. Learning to let go.

My training, my life, is something I must define myself. Work for, myself. Create. Myself.

And that is the task I begin to claim.

Choi Sa Bom Nim always says that the purpose of his training is to discover your body awareness.  I find it interesting how many of our kinks and “blockages” in life can appear in our practices.

As I wrote before, I have been learning the cello this past year.  Recently my teacher pointed out to me that on my left hand I over-pronate, meaning I turn my fingers sideways too much and my hand needs to sit more centered on the strings.  I find it an awkward thing to adjust and I’ve been focusing a lot on it in my practice sessions because I know that if I don’t consciously work on it, I immediately revert to the more comfortable, wrong position.

As a result, I suddenly realized that when I type I have the same problem.  I’ve noticed this for some time, chiefly because when I was in school and writing 12+ hours a day, my hands would start to get tired and cramped up.  I fleetingly grew concerned I was going to give myself carpal tunnel and tried to watch my typing posture.  I noticed then that my right hand holds itself comfortably in the correct posture:  Fingers curved, wrist straight, not too saggy, etc.  But my left hand has this tendency to cave.  After many hours typing, that hand can feel the pressure.  I try to correct it but have found it very difficult to maintain.  Focusing so much on correcting my over-pronation in the cello I also realized that the reason this “caving” happens in my left hand is not because of strength (which was my original suspicion) but because I have a tendency to kink my left wrist as I type.  This causes my last two knuckles to sag and my hand to turn slightly sideways.  This tendency inhibits the free movement of my hand.  Because fluidity in the left hand is so important in playing the cello, I became acutely aware of what I do with that hand to create the best sound and most mobility.  When I was able to pinpoint something wrong with what is my most natural hand position, I discovered this kink appearing in all aspects of my life!  It appears in my typing, my piano playing, and in Soo Bahk Do!

My left hand has never been as dexterous as my right — it is not my dominant hand.  In piano, I find it much more difficult to control my left hand.  My right hand plays through runs with ease and is even more rhythmic than my left.  In fact, my left can often feel slightly disconnected from the signals I’m sending to it.  In Soo Bahk Do, Master Steyer is constantly correcting my left wrist and believes that the kink in the wrist effects my posture & technique when I am standing on that side.  This bend in the wrist also causes my elbow to open up on the left side, exposing my ribs to many side kicks.  I have even noticed it in my knuckle push ups (Choi Sa Bom Nim once pointed out that I sag my left shoulder when I do push ups, probably for the same reason) and of course my punches which are much more uncomfortable on my left side. Obviously, I have also noticed my poor typing posture and even as I type now I am trying to correct it but finding that it is taking all of my concentration, this bad habit is so thoroughly ingrained in me.  I can feel the tiny muscles in my wrist straining to adjust and have to rest more often.

The correct and healthful position is incredibly uncomfortable to me.  I imagine I must have been like this most, if not all of my life.  It is such a small thing but it impacts the whole balance of my body.  Just a slightly kinked wrist makes my shoulder sag, causes my hand to turn, and impacts my posture.  If I just straighten my wrist, I will free up so much stagnant energy and become a better musician and martial artist, not to mention protect myself from straining.  In martial arts training it is often said that you want to stand up straight and hold proper alignment so that Qi can flow freely through your body and you can have greater control and power because your body is able to move efficiently.  Something as small as a kinked wrist blocks this energy, even if just on a muscular/skeletal level.  Instead of everything moving in a straight path, the muscles must work much harder to work around a bend!  This results in more muscles working which means more messages to send and that creates slower movements and reaction times.  I would be willing to hypothesize, that this, in fact, may also affect a blockage on the spiritual level.  The more total control we have over our bodies, the more total control we have over ourselves and consequently, our environments.  Why make everything so complicated?

What is interesting that even though I have been aware of this deficiency  for a long time and experienced it on many different levels, I wasn’t able to make the connection until it became a focus of my cello practice.  My body has conformed to this habit and it will require a diligent transformation of my musculature from as far as my shoulder, possibly even the alignment of my hips, to correct this one impediment.  It is strange how one small thing can point back at core issues and likewise, how core issues can often resolve the small things.

This is the true process of training as I believe Choi Sa Bom Nim wished to convey.  By practicing mindfulness, whether it be in training, music, or every day life, we are constantly reinventing ourselves.  This is what makes the practice meaningful.  Our evolution is life itself.

Stream I

I’ve been dreaming a lot about New York City for some reason.  I guess it makes some sense because it’s the place I’ve lived the longest thus far.  I lived there from September 1993 to September 30, 2005.  Before that, I lived in Northglenn, Colorado from 1966-1976 or so.  About 10 years, while I lived in the East Village for 12.  I don’t have that many dreams about Northglenn though.  (Coincidentally to this posting, I was thinking about a couple of girls from my class at Woodglen Elementary this morning.)  I have a sense that there is some momentous but quiet mystery brewing there today, most specifically in the West Village near 7th Avenue and 12th Street.  Not sure why, but that particular location (near the Pleasure Chest, if it still exists) has been looming large in my consciousness today.

I’ve had a few dreams of late where I’ve been above ground in New York.  Frequently, I dream of being in the subway system.  Sometimes I attribute a “behind the scenes” sort of operation taking place, and I’m a part of the building of a new culture from the ground up.  Of late, I’ve been more in the upper world.  In a dream last night, I was way up on one of those upper floors of one of the big buildings housing a snazzy law firm.  One of my current co-workers was overworked in the dream, and snappish (though not to me, thank goddess;  I was just an observant, compassionate witness).  In a second dream, I was sort of a tourist, but there with some loose purpose which had to do with meeting people who were into addressing our triple crises, and I saw a thread of internet conversation going on between a fellow I knew in the dream, who was a paragon of the “movement” and a woman named “Jazmine”.  I saw him on the dais of this public forum–there was all this carnival atmosphere about, lots of fun.  The fellow recognized me as I pointed up to him to  wave hello.  He came down the stairs and he said my name before I could say “Hi.”  I was deeply honored and impressed.  We started chatting, and we went back up the dais and he introduced me to Jazmine, a delightful Hispanic woman, and I saw my boss standing there awkwardly to the side.  Ahh…hah…   I could tell he was a mite surprised, perhaps horrified to see me chatting so easily with this fellow.  I don’t doubt the two of them had their disagreements.  It was “quite gingerly,” if you know what I mean.

These aren’t the only times NYC has been in my dreams of late.  Interesting to me to see that it’s a sort of pattern swarm, especially since this weekend.

Stream II

From now on, I will probably be blogging about the theme of wholeness.  Integrity, unity, whatever else might be appropriate words.  But wholeness will now be a focus of devotion based upon my work this weekend.  “What is the Wholeness of this God?”  Observations and musings on this will come and go as the times go by.  And what’s sort of cool, is that this weekend after class, I stumbled on a book called The Thirst for Wholeness by Christina Grof.  Goddess moves in mysterious ways indeed.

Stream III

Over the weekend, the Red God, the fiery earthy one showed up in my dreams.  I had this amazing dream where I seemed to be first in New York, then in Albany, then in Denver.  The NYC part of my dream featured me and Kitzel-bitz in my E.Vil. apartment on E. 2nd Street.  I left to go to my therapist appt.  Somehow it was related to my workday, though I can’t remember why.  My appointment was at 11.  In the dream I thought 11 a.m., but the time in the dream seemed to be night.  I showed up at the coffee bar here on State Street just as it was closing, and asked if I could scoot through on my way to my appointment.  I was sort of hoping to wait there in case there wasn’t a waiting room.  (Guess it was my first time at the counselor’s office.)  The counselor was my former Denver therapist, though her waiting room felt like the therapist’s I had in New York City many moons ago.  There was a sexy fellow in a light brown suit there.  On his right foot, he  had on a simple black flip flop, showcasing a handsome foot indeed.  But his left foot–oh, my!

It reminded me of a dragon claw, but there were no talons.  It was huge in comparison to the normal male adult right foot, but this one had all sorts of gnarls and add-ons, and un-foot-y protruberances.  It reminded me of my right pinky toenail, which shapes itself oddly to accomomodate my shoes, I suppose.

For some reason I felt this to be one of the most sexy things I’ve ever seen in my life.  The dude was a muscular fellow, and I could sense there was something vaguely military/police about him.  Yet I couldn’t resist hopping onto his back and giving him a spontaneous massage. While I did surprise him, he didn’t kick me off.  It was as if  he didn’t know that he needed it.  He groaned in pleasure.  So, a fellow student, upon hearing the dream, said that I was visited by Shaitan.  Ahh!

The sexy mischief maker has been more a part of my awareness these past couple of days too.  Somehow he’s becoming more pronounced as I move into the wholeness of this Frostwolf T’Firerose that I AmT

Stream IV

Fractals, and … (sound of heads exploding!)

Understanding Difficult Events—No Pain, No Gain

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We’ve all heard the term -  “You are what you eat”. Well if this is true then we must consider, “What is it that we are eating? Here in the states you can get lost in superstores with aisle after aisle of just about anything your tastes can imagine. In the richest country of the world, food is plentiful – and so is cancer, diabetes, obesity, heart disease, and a host of other indicators of poor health.  Now there’s food for thought.

From the book God at Eventide (www.twolisteners.org )

April 14 – You Can Do This

I will give you rest.

My Gift truly, but the result of your trust.

Train yourself to trust so completely that no tremor even of doubt or fear can enter in.

No fear of the future, no cloud over the present, no shadow of the past.

When the absence of fear is the result of strength for the way gained by contact with Me, and of complete reliance upon My Tenderness and My Power, then you have My Gift of Rest.

BASIC TEACHING 7 THE GOLDEN CITY

If you are approaching this basic teaching for the first time, then please go to and begin at ‘basic teaching 1’ as these studies and exercises are in sequence, each one building upon the previous studies and exercises to form an introductory program.

If you have carried out the relaxation exercises properly and followed on using the guided imagery template scripts in the earlier basic teaching lessons, keeping a spiritual journal of what you have seen, then you should already have received some teaching about Ignorance and Illusions and in particular, Illusions that are relative to you. You should also have learned something about the Path and the Narrow Gate, as well as your faithful Companion’s name and True Nature. If these are questions that have not been answered, then you can ask them in your next guided imagery session. Since this is a spiritual quest, you should also have asked your faithful Companion about God and about any concerns that you have concerning the Divine, allowing your Companion to answer in their own way…they may speak, or show you a picture, or give you a gift or something like this, but what they do will be relevant to your question.

THE PATH

Now, though Pilgrims follow their own path, they are all converging on the Golden City, and so despite their varied paths, there is nevertheless some similarity of direction and destination that is common to all Pilgrims.

THE LOCATION OF THE GOLDEN CITY

Now what is it that is meant by this term ‘Golden City? It is ‘the Domain of the Absolute, a place where aspects of the Absolute can be understood or experienced whilst we remain in contracted or material form. It is a place not considered by many people until they are close to death. Unlike Christianity, the Golden City is not a place inhabited by the souls of Pilgrims who have died, rather, death prevents entry through the Gate and into the City.

If we consider the Absolute for a moment, where will we place God-as-Spirit? Does God dwell here and not there? Or in this place but not that? One of the first lessons that the Pilgrim has to learn is that all things are a manifestation of God. Does God dwell in a soul or spirit but not in a body? No. All that exists is Absolute God contracted to form, undiluted and without measure. The Absolute is not confined to a locality or a time. The Formless Absolute transcends time and space, transcends language and concept, but is contracted in space and time and expressed in language and concept that we may gain some understanding and communicate what we know and experience.

Where then is the Golden City? It is in all places and in all things and also transcends all places and all things. It is within and also without, it is both object and subject. For if we consider the experience of God-Immediacy, of mystical union with God, what do we find? Sometimes we find God within, deep within ourselves, in our heart, or deepest mind or what we commonly call our soul or spirit: that is, in the essence and core of what we are. It seems to have a deep, internal quality. Yet we may also find that in the experience of God-Immediacy we are, as it were, taken out of ourselves, lifted up to spiritual heights, freed from the shackles of material concerns and the physical body and elevated to the ecstatic heights of Oneness and Unity with the Absolute, somehow outside of ourselves.

Thus it is that though the True Self is God, in that our true nature is that we are an expression of contracted-God, God is not limited to being expressed in each individual self, for all that is manifest is God contracted to a span. Thus God is not a tree or a sun or a moon. God is in all these things but is not any of them. Those that worship the tree and bow down to the moon are stuck in the Field of Illusions. They limit the Absolute to a particular manifest form. Rather, the domain of the Absolute is in all things but is not any of them. We cannot say, ‘Here is the City of God, but it is not there in that other place.’. Instead, the domain of the Absolute is in all things, and for each of us, the place where aspects of the Absolute are understood and experienced by us is different, with each path to that City Gate being unique. The Golden City is that mode of awareness near the end of the Luminous Path where an individual is close to directly gazing upon or becoming one with the Absolute.

PRACTICAL EXERCISE – RELAXATION AND IMAGERY

In practical terms, you can continue the visualization/guided imagery exercises following the relaxation of the body and the stilling of the mind which should now be accomplished in about ten minutes. You should have completed your visit to the Field of Illusions and spent time considering the Darkness of Ignorance and your reaction to it and begun your journey along the Luminous Path. You should have walked through the Vale of Ignorance to the narrow gate and met your Faithful Companion and spent some time talking with your Companion and learning their name and received teaching. This imagery should not have been forced: rather you should allow the images to come to your stilled mind.

Carry out your relaxation exercise and when you are relaxed, use the following as a loosely guiding template, but where possible, allow the imagery to take its own direction.

As before, it is best to find a place where you will not be disturbed for at least half an hour or so, somewhere that is warm and comfortable. If the text below is recorded, it is good if you can listen to the text using headphones or earphones, so that other distracting noises are minimized. You also need to wear loose clothes, which means at least undoing the top button of a shirt or blouse and loosening a tie if you wear one, and also undoing or loosening any belt that you wear. Wearing a loose fitting tracksuit would be ideal. Use a soft cushion or pillow to support your head. It is O.K. to play New Age type music or something similar to help relax you, providing it does not distract you. When you are ready, lie down comfortably, close your eyes and place your arms at your sides with your fingers open. If stray thoughts come to your mind, say to yourself, ‘STOP’. Push them away and concentrate on what we are doing.

Text:

Just ask yourself: Is there any tension in my legs, in my thighs in my buttocks? If there is, let it go. Let all the tension out – more and more and more relaxed – (Ten second pause) Then ask yourself: Is there any tension in my stomach, back or chest? If there is, let it go – breathe easily and comfortably like you do in a deep sleep – all the tension out – Ask yourself: is there any tension in my fingers, my arms, or my shoulders? If there is, let it go – Let your arms get limp and heavy. (ten second pause) Ask yourself: Is there any tension between my shoulder blades or in my neck? If there is, let it go – Your head is falling limply back –(pause) And now ask yourself, Is there any tension in my face, my jaws or throat? If there is, just let it go – All the tension out – Just keep letting go (pause).

And now, picture in your mind a pleasant scene – get a good clear picture, not just the sight, but the sounds and smells and the feel – if your mind wanders, always bring it back to the pleasant scene. And while you hold that picture in your mind, concentrate on relaxing the muscles in your toes – let them go – Relax the muscles of your thighs – let them go – relax the muscles of your buttocks – let them go – Keep picturing your pleasant scene. If stray thoughts come to your mind, just tell yourself STOP. Put them away – Just concentrate on the muscles of your stomach – let the tension go – relax – Relax the muscles of your back – relax the muscles of your chest – Breathe easily and comfortably – Keep picturing your pleasant scene – Relax the muscles of your fingers – relax your arms – Relax your shoulders – Let the tension out – Relax your neck – Relax your tongue and jaw and mouth – Relax your throat – All the tension out – let yourself feel limp and heavy all over – Now keep picturing the pleasant scene – Calm and relaxed – Calm and relaxed – (ten second pause) – If you feel any tension anywhere, just let it go – (thirty second pause) – You return again to greet your friendly Companion who is waiting for you….spend a few moments to greet and talk with them….listen to anything they have to say or to show you or give to you…..your faithful Companion now wants to continue the journey……you begin to walk and talk together…..now you look ahead….and you see before you a Golden City…take a few moments to look at it….at its buildings…their colour….their shapes…and you see many more Pilgrims, each with their faithful Companion….each on their own path….converging to the City Gate….as you approach the City, the noise of people talking gets louder ….you see that they are all crowding into one gateway…..jostling and pressing to get through the gate….on the left and right side of the gate you see two skeletons….as Pilgrims press one at a time through the gate…..some of them are shrouded with black cloaks by the skeletons….some Pilgrims get through the gate….others are shrouded and disappear with their faithful Companion…the throng of Pilgrims is pressing you to the gate…..you must decide whether to go in through the gate to the Golden City…..or move to the left where the luminous Path leads away into the countryside….notice how you are feeling….notice your preferred decision…..then, when you are ready, say goodbye to your Companion telling them that you will be back soon….return to the room where you are relaxing.

KEEPING A SPIRITUAL JOURNAL

Note down your experiences in your spiritual journal as before.

THE SPIRITUAL WALK

Continue your walk on the Unified Path walking in the light virtues of Love, Balance, Peace, Unity, and Oneness. You are seeking to break down division, separateness and boundaries – this is the Virtuous Way: the way of emulating the Divine.

WHAT NEXT?

By now you should be getting used to this method. So far, I have given you a guiding template for your imagery that is being used to explore a spiritual path. But in giving you such a template, however much I try not to, I am giving you suggestions and leading you. The next stage is Free Imagery. If you have managed to carry out these practical relaxation and imagery sessions from the beginning to now, and have found the practice useful, then you carry on in the same way, but let the imagery that arises form the guiding direction. For example, as you were travelling on the Luminous Path to the City, you may have seen a cave that you wanted to explore, or a character may have appeared on the way and invited you into their camp. The guiding template that I have provided did not allow for such diversions and prevented you from following these up. In free imagery, you can take these diversions. Indeed, they are not diversions at all: they are not unnecessary distractions, but rather, they are vital aspects of your journey, with relevant teaching to present to you. Also, you are now on the threshold of the Golden City. This approach may have been frightening and unsettling to you, and you may prefer to take the Luminous Path to the left, or you may have the courage to walk through the gate into the City itself. What you find next, whichever course you take, is between the Divine and yourself. Who knows what lies down the left hand path? In the City, there are places to explore: as a hint I suggest to you the Treasure House of God, the Moral Temple, one of the Schools with their many classrooms, the Well of the Water of Life and so on.

In terms of theology, of understanding issues and aspects of the Divine and religion, some further articles can be found at:…………http://spiritualbasics.blogspot.com/

THE IMAGINAL PATH

Why have we followed the imaginal path? Why have we used imagery in our spiritual quest? For a discussion on this theme I recommend the book ‘Imaginal Worlds’ by William Chittick SUNI Press. Although written from a Sufi Islamic viewpoint, it is not necessary for you to subscribe to Islam or Sufism to appreciate its content. Alternatively, for a more inter-faith approach, you can try ‘Paths to Transcendence’ by Reza Shah-Kazemi World Wisdom. If you want to orientate yourself spiritually, to work out where spirituality fits into the scheme of things, or what level you are at, then try ‘The eye of spirit’ by Ken Wilber, Shambhala.

BASIC TEACHING 4 PASSING THROUGH IGNORANCE

If you are approaching this basic teaching for the first time, then please go to and begin at ‘basic teaching 1’ as these studies and exercises are in sequence, each one building upon the previous studies and exercises to form an introductory program.

The Still Small Voice of God is present between the doors of Ignorance and Light. The door of Ignorance can be opened wide open and the Pilgrim feels its unwelcome coldness. The door of Light can barely be opened: so intense is its blinding light that the Pilgrim can only open the door a little way. This material world is much closer to and more tolerant of Ignorance than Light and also Ignorance drowns out the Still Small Voice almost completely, though it does not extinguish its persistence. Thus it is that Ignorance drowns out the subtle Spirit that lies beneath the Universe. Worse still, Ignorance gives rise to Illusions: to mistaken thinking and perception. Those in Ignorance see only the material and even Divine Law is darkened with Ignorance too, especially when interpreted and formulated by those who have never tasted God-Immediacy. It is God-Immediacy that the Pilgrim seeks: a direct and immediate experience of the Divine. Concerning external things, the Pilgrim must find those teachers and those codes that most resonate with them: for all such religious codes and practices exist nearer to Ignorance than to Formless Spirit…none have transcended, not one. Thus different practices suit different temperaments, cultures and degrees of transcendence, yet God-as-Spirit is in all. But here is a cardinal principle: It is for the Pilgrim to seek…to listen to the Still Small Voice; to contemplate the Universe; to seek out those who reflect where the Pilgrim is at that moment and who is able to allow them to step further along the Luminous Path; to become aware of their own Ignorance and Illusions. God-as-Spirit meets us where we are and each Pilgrim has their own path through and out of the Vale.

THE LUMINOUS PATH

What is the Luminous Path? It is variously called The Path, The Way, the Golden Path and other similar titles. The Path is about unveiling or cutting through the veil of Ignorance and it’s Illusions. It is about the way to Truth, to the Divine, to directly seeing that which lies beneath the material and is the Foundation of all that is. There does not appear to be any standard formula, pattern or mechanism to do this. The Pilgrim may pierce the veil and see the Light directly, or Transcendent God may open the veil and shine directly, even unexpectedly into the Pilgrim. The veil then is made up of the forms of creation and concepts and ideas, Ignorance and the Illusions that arise from it. The mystical path is the Unbounded Formless Path that leads to a Direct experience of the Divine. Mystics in the past and present, all around the world, have pierced the veil by one or more of the following means:
a) Having a pinpoint and intense focus through the practice of meditation and contemplation.
b) By abandonment of form – suspending their reliance on beliefs, ideologies, theology and even rationality and logic itself. Such an approach is found in Zen Buddhism for example.
c) By the abandonment of their attachment to form and material – this involves such practices as dis-identification, asceticism and monasticism, and the practice on non-attachment.
d) By abandonment of their will and desire, by cultivating an attitude of submission to God, obedience to the Divine, surrender to God and so on.

A WALK, NOT A TALK

The spiritual path has to be walked: it is a walk and not a talk. The spiritual walk is about how Pilgrims are in the world, how they conduct themselves, how they act, behave, think and talk. The spiritual walk is about Enlightenment: cutting through the Ignorance and Illusion that veils the Divine. It is also about Self-Realization: understanding one’s own True Nature. It is about a relationship with God: not just on special days or at special religious services, but in all aspects of daily life; about living authentically and being what one Truly Is already. It is about cultivating an immediate experience of the Divine: creating receptiveness to God and carrying what one learns from it into daily life. It is ultimately about Unity with God. It is about transcending artificial boundaries. This is not a path that is primarily about theology. Theology takes second place to walking a path that leads to Transcendence. What do we mean by Transcendence? We mean Unity with the Divine – with Undifferentiated, Borderless, God-as-Spirit; with Emptiness; with Stillness in the Eternal Now. The direction of this Path is one of Expansion: Expansion to Spaceless, Timeless Undifferentiation. It is the opposite of Contraction to a bounded, separate, isolated entity-with-characteristics in space and time, it is the opposite to an ego-mind, to a sense of ourselves as a body-mind.

STARTING THE JOURNEY: WHERE IS GOD?

Where do we start if we are going to walk this Path? We start where we are. The Absolute Essence, God-as-Spirit, is Immanent, is in all things. There is nowhere and nothing where God-as-Spirit is not: Nowhere so dark, so ignorant, so bounded, so wicked or evil, so separate and isolated that God is not there. In short, all things are God, contracted and delimited to form, but not fragmented or diluted. Simultaneous to this Immanence is the Transcendence of Essence: The Absolute cannot be bounded by any form or concept, It is Undifferentiated and cannot be encompassed by the mind and is therefore Ineffable. The direction of the Path is from Contraction to Expansion, which is its final goal. It is Expansion to the Boundless Unity of Transcendent Essence: It is therefore called Expansive Path. This Expansion is Finally, Ultimately attained at the consummation of all things: where all existents expand back to God-as-Spirit.

THEOLOGY AND THE PATH

Because Essence is Ineffable, theology, conceptual knowledge and philosophy is not the Path. If it were, the spiritual walk would be restricted to those who have attained a certain level of education and would be a matter of pride and boasting. A person is not a great spiritual practitioner and is not, to use the terms of various religions, a saint, or sage, or wise person, or teacher, just because they have an academic knowledge of theology. This is not the walk – it is the talk. The mind must be let go of in order to fully walk the Path. Theology does not create the experience of God-Immediacy or Transcendence: in fact, this is the reverse of what is correct. The right way is that theology arises out of the experience of God-Immediacy and Transcendence. This is why the uneducated person who has been ‘caught up to God’ may be wiser that the university educated theologian.

THE BEGINNING: A PATH OF UNITING VIRTUES – THE MORAL DIMENSION

Key among first principles also is the Balance of Revealed Law. For those who have had no experience of God-Immediacy, this means recourse to the Scriptures of their religious tradition and the laws and codes laid down there. However, this principle primarily refers to ‘Law as Inner Principle of Virtue’. Remember, this is an Inner Journey to true Self, listening to the Still Small Voice within and seeing God wherever one looks. The Godly man is a Virtuous man. The Unifying, Positive or Light Virtues play a key role in the spiritual walk, in determining how a Pilgrim is to ‘be’ in the material world.

THE NATURE OF MORALITY AND VIRTUE

The process of Contraction brings bounded form into being, and these forms exist in relation. Relation and relationships in turn bring about morality and Virtues which tend to exist in bipolar dimensions. Any relationship has its opposite: Truth and Lies, Anger and Peace and so on. Thus there are the dimensions of Light and Dark Virtues as Inner relationships to external forms. Thus, people exist in relationships and relationships bring a moral dimension into effect. Most importantly for the spiritual walk, since the Essence of each person is the Absolute, the uniting, positive Virtues are written on their heart (because God unites all) and these positive uniting virtues touch the Still Small Voice. These Light Virtues are reflected in the external commandments of the religious traditions, but these are so overlaid with cultural and historical contexts that they are only shadows compared to the Inner Principle and they exist nearer to Ignorance than to God. The Pilgrim is directed then to follow a Virtuous Path, a Unifying Path, that is: to follow the Light or Positive Virtues. These are to be followed in at least four aspects because there is a four-fold moral relationship:
1) People have an obvious moral relationship with other people. Society, or communities soon begin to expect certain standards of behaviour from individuals with the group and very quickly, these standards are codified in some form of law. The feared alternative is chaos in the society with its attendant threatened breakdown. This fear arises from Ignorance and can lead to an attempts to give weight and authority to the codes of society by invoking the name and character of God as the Author of these codes, but God does not issue such laws.
2) People have a moral relationship with the Universe. The Universe is all that exists and is seen as an interconnected Unity. We have a relationship with animals and plants and wildlife in total, with the whole planet and its atmosphere and resources.
3) A person has a moral relationship with themselves. Because a person has a relationship with themselves: they can let themselves down e.t.c.. This is a relationship between internal understanding and values and our external speech and behaviour.
4) A person has a relationship to Ineffable, Transcendent Essence. Even if that Essence is denied by the person, this is still a relationship.

THE DARK VIRTUES

Our tendency to identify ourselves as a mind housed in a material body leads to identification with the physical world and its comforts in the Ignorance that arises from Creation. This ignorant and blind identification with the physical world together with its comforts and riches is the root of Wickedness, for out of it arises Arrogance, Greed and Lust, usually for Power. This power may be the power of authority and the need for control: the power of wealth and the material comforts it may buy, the power of controlling others, the power of controlling one’s own life and circumstances, even the power of delaying death or avoiding illness. Wickedness is the opposite to the Expansive Path and is rather a downward path of further separation from God. It often serves the lower levels of human existence such as emotional satisfaction and instinctual needs at the expense of higher qualities, which may be brought into play only to serve these lower levels and interests. Such thought and behaviour promotes still greater ignorance of Reality, increases Separateness and Isolation, and creates Division, often with animal-like or brutish behaviour. The end result of pursuing these qualities is Sorrow, Destruction, Ignorance and Preoccupation. What is pursued in spiritual terms with this kind of thinking and behaviour is the Fool’s Gold of Fool’s Paradise. The route to overcoming Wickedness is by surrendering the identification with the material world and surrendering identification with ego as a separate-self. (Enlightenment and Self-Realization).

WHY FOLLOW THE POSTIVE VIRTUES?

The chief aim of the Virtuous Path is to overcome the intrinsic division and separateness of the ego-self; the way of thinking that defines us a separate minds in separate bodies; in order to facilitate the person’s return to the Absolute, where ultimately, morals and Virtues themselves are transcended. Virtuous behaviour serves to counter the Arrogance, Greed, Lust and Selfishness that arises from Contraction and Ignorance. The Virtuous Path widens our perspective to God and the whole Universe. Secondarily, following the Virtuous Path promotes peaceful co-existence with the Universe. The aim of a Virtuous life is NOT to earn credit in an afterlife, series of afterlives, or salvation in a last judgement.

THE EXTRINSIC AND INTRINSIC PATHS OF VIRTUE

The approach to morals and moral, behaviour is twofold:
I) Extrinsic and
II) Intrinsic.

i) The extrinsic approach is the inferior of the two because it is a more contracted approach consisting of an outward imposition of codes and sanctions. Such codes are often burdensome and may be used in an exploitative manner. They tend to kill joyful service and promote a judgmental attitude, condemnation, hypocrisy, false righteousness and punishment. Nevertheless, extrinsic codes are necessary for society, as a regulator of those who do not follow the second approach. They are the starting point for a Pilgrim beginning their journey, where they have not yet mastered the Inner Life or experienced God-Immediacy. These codes may exist as the laws of the land or as inspiration for such laws. It is good that Pilgrims are involved in the making and upholding of law.
ii) The intrinsic approach is the superior Virtuous Way and Pilgrims are encouraged to be virtuous people. This path is superior because:
a) it emulates the Absolute
b) it springs from the Transcendent Self
c) it is an inward disposition.

It is the path of Love, Peace, Respect and Truth. Intrinsic morality emulates the Absolute, and the Absolute is Unity and Bliss, Transcendent of all. It is sensitive to the Transcendent. It does not seek division, but rather to transcend it. It recognises God in all things, creating a respect for the material universe. It recognises the Ultimate Unity of all things and the artificiality of separateness and division. It aspires to unite with God as Spirit, and thus oneness with the Inner Self. Hatred, war, contempt and lies, though God is in them, descend in the opposite direction to division and separateness.

THE POSTIVE VIRTUES AND THE INTRINSIC PATH

The intrinsic path seeks to have the twenty or more Positive Virtues that promote Unity and Transcendence/Expansion flowing out from the heart of the Pilgrim. The Cardinal Positive Virtues are: Enlightenment, Humility, Contentment, Generosity and Love. Enlightenment counters Ignorance and Delusion. This is Ignorance of one’s own True Nature and Ignorance of the Reality of the Universe. It is manifest in the belief that phenomena are permanent and stable and that the ego-self is a permanent identity. Enlightenment takes a person from Foolishness to Wisdom. Also from this Ignorance, Greed and Lust arise from attraction, which may be directed at the self (Narcissism) or at other people or objects. The aim or object is sensual pleasure. It is true that pleasure also exists at higher levels of development, and indeed, Passion is a Positive Virtue. Greed and Lust however are more aggressive and possessive and are countered by practicing the positive Virtues of Generosity and Moderation and cultivating Contentment. If Lust and Greed arise from attraction, then Hatred, Ill-Will and Anger arise from aversion, which may be directed at the self or other people and objects. It shows itself as Anger and may be countered by the Positive Virtues of Love, Goodwill, Calmness and Peace. Underpinning all these Positive Virtues is Courage as opposed to Cowardice: The courage to explore and face the True Self.

Secondary Virtue dimensions are: Peace – War, Compassion – Cruelty, Tenderness – Violence, Respect – Contempt, Truth – Lies, Trustfulness/faithfulness – Deceit/Betrayal, Harmony – Imbalance, Beauty – Ugliness, Healing – Pain, Openness – Secrecy, Mercifulness – Dispassion, Fairness – Injustice, Goodness – Evil.

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE VIRTUOUS PATHS COMPARED

These are the relationships that the Pilgrim seeks to cultivate in their heart with all things, with all people, with the Divine. The person on the upwardly evolving Virtuous Path is seeking to be in a Virtuous relationship with all that is. They seek to relate from their heart with: Enlightenment, Humility, Contentment, Generosity, Love, Wisdom, Passion, Moderation, Goodwill, Calmness, Peace, Courage, Tenderness, Respect, Truthfulness, Faithfulness, Harmony, Openness, Mercifulness, Fairness, Goodness and Beauty. The Positive Virtues lead to Happiness, Unity and Creativity. Of course, very few achieve these relationships to great degrees in all circumstances. But they are the noble ideals of the Virtuous Path. They do not earn merit or salvation. They are part of the Path to Unity with Absolute God-as-Spirit, and help to promote a more inclusive and embracing perception. The Godly man seeks to be a Virtuous man even though he lives in the dimensions between the Light and Dark Virtues.

To persist in the Negative Virtues is to follow the Path of Contraction and to have relationships based on Ignorance, Delusion, and Foolishness, showing as Greed, Lust, Hatred, Ill-Will, Anger, Cowardice, Cruelty, War-mongering, Violence, Contempt, Lies, Deceitfulness, Betrayal, Imbalance, a delight in Ugliness, Pain, Secrecy, Injustice and Evil. These relationships with their attendant attitudes and behaviours may invoke the material sanctions that may be invoked via the law of the land. They lead to Division, Separation, Isolation, Sorrow, Destruction and Preoccupation. They also lead to further Ignorance and Blindness, which in turn may feed the Downward Path even more. Of course, few people exhibit all these qualities to great degrees. But these aspects are present in all of us to varying degrees in different circumstances and situations. Just as there can be step-by -step ascent to Expansion, there can be step-by-step descent into Contracted isolation.

The Virtuous Way then, is a kind of spiritually motivated situational ethics. Each situation is faced as it arises: there are no prescriptions, rules or commandments, no Divine Laws. There is only the Principle of emulating the unifying and therefore Expansive Virtues displayed in relationships of the Divine from moment to moment.

A QUICK SUMMARY

The Pilgrim is being directed then to look under the surface of the material, in contemplation of the Universe and themselves, in order to become aware of the Uniting Essence that is expressed in all that is. They are being encouraged to look inwards and listen to their True Self, to listen to the Still Small Voice quietly niggling them on questions of Existence, Meaning and Ultimate Reality, and not to rest in the Fool’s Gold of superficial or materialistic answers. They are being encouraged to have the courage to challenge their own perceptions and cut through the Ignorance that pervades their perceptions in order to see through the Illusions which they mistake for Reality. Since Essence Unites all, they are being encouraged to follow an Inward principle of walking in accordance to the Uniting, Positive Virtues arising from their heart, which lead to a more Expansive perception. They are also being encouraged to look for teaching and teachers, either in books or in person, or in communities, that resonate with where they are and what they are discovering, such that they will be moved further forward.

OTHER ASPECTS OF THE PATH:

MEDITATION AND CONTEMPLATION OF DIVINE PARADOX

Another Path is meditation or contemplation on the Paradox of God. One example is that at a person’s death, God returns to God and yet simultaneously God remains in their body. It is through the consideration of such Paradoxes that a Pathway to God might be found. This is because God is beyond the mind, and just as a stone cannot comprehend a human being, so no mind can encompass God. Indeed, this is why the Pilgrim must let go of the mind. The contemplation of such Paradoxes functions in the same way as a Zen Koan – the paradox cannot be reconciled by use of logic, analysis or reason – the mind must be let go of, and form transcended in order to resolve the Paradox. Therefore, time spent in contemplative meditation of Divine Paradox may form part of the Expansive Path.

THE DIVINE IN SEXUAL UNION

Some find a Path to God in sexual union. Using similar ideas to those expressed in Tantrism, refining the art of sexual union may open up a Path to God. This is because sexual union is God meeting God in the medium of the material. Mystics constantly emphasise that God is in all things and that the Essence of each individual is God. Contemplating, refining and focusing on the art of this union and on its sensuality and passion, is therefore for some, a Path to God.

SCHOOLS OF RELIGION AND DIVINITY

In terms of education, the Pilgrim may join one of the religious traditions which can be described as ‘Schools’. These are not competitive rivals, where one is right and the others wrong, but rather they address different personalities, different stages of spirituality and have different preferences with regards to pathways followed. The Pilgrim is free to choose what is right for them at this moment, what suits their personality and preferences. These schools may adopt some of the Pathways listed above.

However, religious traditions and institutions are a mixed blessing. They are often in dispute, and much of their practice may be seen as empty and futile in terms of the spiritual walk. One of the main problems is their externalisation of intrinsic Virtues and Principles, to create and impose burdensome laws, codes and commands. The result is that such laws are nearer to Ignorance than to God. Their rituals and ceremonies are empty shadows of a deeper Reality which hold out promise but only satisfy the blind. The Pilgrim is never encouraged to rest in rituals and ceremonies. Leaders may be seen as partisan, divisive, autocratic, weak or hypocritical. The Pilgrim’s Journey is presented ultimately as a solitary one with its own unique Path for each individual. Even so, we may learn from others who are like-minded.

WITHDRAWING FROM THE WORLD

All these approaches may have to be balanced with being in the world, with its demands and pressures. Mysticism neither advocates nor condemns an ascetic life but different Pilgrims use different means. The Path taken is the choice of the Pilgrim. The calling is to overcome Ignorance and Illusion through Enlightenment and Self-Realization, emulating the Divine in whatever situation the Pilgrim finds themselves. It is about following an Inner Expansive Path. The calling is to know the Unity with Absolute in experience. It is not about busyness, attendance, duty, charity, good works, teaching, obedience, vocation or withdrawal from the world.

PRACTICAL EXERCISE – RELAXATION AND IMAGERY

You can continue the visualization/guided imagery exercises following the relaxation of the body and the stilling of the mind which should now be accomplished in about ten minutes. You should have completed your visit to the Field of Illusions and spent time considering the Darkness of Ignorance and your reaction to it. This imagery should not be forced: rather you should allow the images to come to your stilled mind.

Carry out your relaxation exercise and when you are relaxed, use the following as a loosely guiding template, but where possible, allow the imagery to take its own direction.

As before, it is best to find a place where you will not be disturbed for at least half an hour or so, somewhere that is warm and comfortable. If the text below is recorded, it is good if you can listen to the text using headphones or earphones, so that other distracting noises are minimized. You also need to wear loose clothes, which means at least undoing the top button of a shirt or blouse and loosening a tie if you wear one, and also undoing or loosening any belt that you wear. Wearing a loose fitting tracksuit would be ideal. Use a soft cushion or pillow to support your head. It is O.K. to play New Age type music or something similar to help relax you, providing it does not distract you. When you are ready, lie down comfortably, close your eyes and place your arms at your sides with your fingers open. If stray thoughts come to your mind, say to yourself, ‘STOP’. Push them away and concentrate on what we are doing.

Text:

Just ask yourself: Is there any tension in my legs, in my thighs in my buttocks? If there is, let it go. Let all the tension out – more and more and more relaxed – (Ten second pause) Then ask yourself: Is there any tension in my stomach, back or chest? If there is, let it go – breathe easily and comfortably like you do in a deep sleep – all the tension out – Ask yourself: is there any tension in my fingers, my arms, or my shoulders? If there is, let it go – Let your arms get limp and heavy. (ten second pause) Ask yourself: Is there any tension between my shoulder blades or in my neck? If there is, let it go – Your head is falling limply back –(pause) And now ask yourself, Is there any tension in my face, my jaws or throat? If there is, just let it go – All the tension out – Just keep letting go (pause).

And now, picture in your mind a pleasant scene – get a good clear picture, not just the sight, but the sounds and smells and the feel – if your mind wanders, always bring it back to the pleasant scene. And while you hold that picture in your mind, concentrate on relaxing the muscles in your toes – let them go – Relax the muscles of your thighs – let them go – relax the muscles of your buttocks – let them go – Keep picturing your pleasant scene. If stray thoughts come to your mind, just tell yourself STOP. Put them away – Just concentrate on the muscles of your stomach – let the tension go – relax – Relax the muscles of your back – relax the muscles of your chest – Breathe easily and comfortably – Keep picturing your pleasant scene – Relax the muscles of your fingers – relax your arms – Relax your shoulders – Let the tension out – Relax your neck – Relax your tongue and jaw and mouth – Relax your throat – All the tension out – let yourself feel limp and heavy all over – Now keep picturing the pleasant scene – Calm and relaxed – Calm and relaxed – (ten second pause) – If you feel any tension anywhere, just let it go – (thirty second pause) – Return again to the Field of Illusions and your Guide and Interpreter …..stand at the gap in the hedge….the entrance to the Field of Illusions…..you notice a Golden Pathway……it leads on to Darkness….it is pitch black apart from the Golden path…..talk to your Guide and Interpreter about this path and the Darkness…..notice how you feel….now is the time to walk along the path into the darkness…..look back to the Field……look forward along the Path….note how you feel and what your desires are….when you are ready….say goodbye to your guide…..and begin to step forward along the path……notice how you feel……continue walking forward…..look around you….look back to the Field of Illusions and the Guide, now far behind you…..note how you feel, what your desires are…..look ahead and follow the path…..now, ahead you see a faint light…..you carry on walking….now you can see a narrow gate on the path ahead….as you approach the gate you see a friendly companion waiting to meet you……you pass through the narrow gate…..notice whether this is easy or hard….notice what the gate is like….you greet your friendly companion….spend a few moments to talk with the companion and to notice what they are like….listen to anything they have to say or to show you or give to you…..when you are ready, say goodbye to your Companion telling them that you will be back soon….return to the room where you are relaxing.

KEEPING A SPIRITUAL JOURNAL

Note down your experiences in your spiritual journal. Sometimes it is useful to have a tape cassette recorder with you as you do the guided imagery exercise so that you can speak out loud, describing the things that you see and the conversations you have so that later you can record what you have seen and heard in as much detail as you can in your Journal. Do not interpret what you have seen or analyse it, just record what was said and seen and how you felt. In this way, keep a faithful journal. You can study and analyse what you write in the Journal in a separate book, together with any insights that you gain as you reflect on your experience. Imagery and dialogue may often take the form of puns and dream-like content with layers of meaning. The phrase ‘Field of Illusions’ is capable of a number of interpretations for example.

THE SPIRITUAL WALK

The path to God is the Unified Path – as we have seen in this study, it involves the positive or light virtues of Love, Balance, Peace, Unity, Oneness: an attitude of perception whereby one begins to see that division and separateness is artificial: an Illusion in spiritual terms; and that all that is – is God. This is an attitude, a perception that you should seek to encourage in yourself at all times, in whatever situation you are in. You are seeking to break down division, separateness and boundaries; and cultivate Oneness, Peace, Unity, Love and Balance. This is the Virtuous Way: the way of emulating the Divine.

BASIC TEACHING 2 THE FIELD OF ILLUSIONS