I had presented two different comic strips: one before the presentation and the other after the presentation. Both the comic strips are shown here; if you click on the images, you can see the larger version. Let me know what you think of them. If you are interested in the whole session of “The other side of Index,” let me know so that I can present the same at your UG event as well.

Before Presentation

Click on the image to see the enlarged version

After Presentation

Click on the image to see the enlarged version

Let me know what you think about these.

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

Community Tech Days are here Tomorrow in Ahmedabad on Oct 3, 2009. I will be presenting the session ‘SQL Server 2008 – The Other Side of Index’. I will be available there whole day if you want to meet and discuss SQL. I will be starting my session with following cartoon. You will have to attend the session in person to see what I am going to cover in the session.

I suggest you do not miss session of Vinod Kumar and Jacob Sebastian. They are technology rock stars. You can read about them in following posts.

SQLAuthority News – Community Tech Days – Oct 3, 2009 – SQL Server 2008 – The Other Side of Index

SQLAuthority News – Community Tech Days Oct 3, 2009 – Ahmedabad

Reference: Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

]]> http://blog.sqlauthority.com/2009/08/07/sqlauthority-news-humorous-sql-cake-funny-sql-cake/ Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:30:31 +0000 Pinal Dave http://blog.sqlauthority.com/2009/08/07/sqlauthority-news-humorous-sql-cake-funny-sql-cake/ I  received the following interesting images in email during the past 2 months. I think they are superbly hilarious! I received them from various people at different times, so their is unknown.

Let me know which of the following images you find the most interesting.

Hope you enjoyed watching them!

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

]]> http://blog.sqlauthority.com/2009/02/25/the-poll-what-is-your-favorite-database/ Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:30:09 +0000 Pinal Dave http://blog.sqlauthority.com/2009/02/25/the-poll-what-is-your-favorite-database/ What is Your Favorite Database?

I have been listening so many different answer to question of favorite database. I would like to know what is favorite database of SQLAuthority.com readers. I encourage all of you to participate in this poll. It is very quick poll and takes a second.

A gift of USB drive will be provided to user who will also add comment discussing this subject matter. I encourage to send emails to your friends to participate in poll. I am hopping this poll becomes landmark poll for people who are finding answer to favorite database.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

If you have something really funny like this, please send them to me. Please do not leave comment regarding grammatical mistake in image as I am sure David (who send email) did not mean it.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.sqlauthority.com)

Those who have not understood it, please leave comment here. I will do my best to explain.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com), Original Location of Cartoon.

SQL Server 2008 High Resolution Wallpaper

SQL Server 2008 Screen Saver

Click Here to Download

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

Along with many news Usergroup President Jacob Sebastian announced that SQL Server 2008 RTM (Release to Manufactor) is out. Jacob explained that difference between CTP ( Community Technology Preview) and RTM. RTM means MS SQL Server developer team has signed off on final version of product. Currently, SQL Server 2008 is available to MSDN Subscribers, TechNet Subscribers, MVPs and few selected beta testers.

I wanted to display one interesting photo which I have found in email forward but due to confusion it was not available with me. I promised that I will have it posted on my blog. Here is the photograph of the SQL Server 2008 RTM cake.

Jacob also announced that this blog author Pinal Dave (myself) will take over the charge of Vice President of Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group. I was very much involved with Las Vegas SQL Server User Group before I came back to India leading large outsourcing project.

I had presented session on CTE (Common Table Expressions). It was very interesting session and I enjoyed discussion. A Common Table Expression (CTE) is an expression that can be thought of as a temporary result set which is defined within the execution of a single SQL statement. A CTE is similar to a derived table in that it is not stored as an object and lasts only for the duration of the query.

Questions and Answers session was very interesting. We went over PowerPoint presentation and SQL Server Scripts. They are available to download here.

PowerPoint Presentation
SQL Server Demo Scripts

User Group President presented excellent session right after my session of CTE. He first explained real life example of recursive CTE. The example was finding dependancy chain of a database object. I suggest all my readers to go over the example if you have not attended the user group meeting. Jacob went over wonderful example explaining how recursive CTE works from inside SQL Server. This was one of the best explanation I personally ever heard. That part of session was exclusive for user group attendees. If you are interested about it, please contact other user group attendees to learn about it.

Here are the photographs of this event. All user group members enjoyed Ice Cream at the end of session.

Ahmedabad SQL Server User Group – Pass Chapter

Jacob Sebastian at Introduction Session

Pinal Dave presenting session on CTE and Recursive CTE

User Group Members

Group photo of User Group Members

This meeting is also reviewed by Jacob Sebastian on his blog.There are additional photos and information available here. I would like to thank all of SQL Server User Group members who were present at meeting and those who missed the meeting please attend it next time.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

“The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before.”
– Bill Gates

“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”
– Bill Gates

“The Internet?  We are not interested in it.”
– Bill Gates, 1993

“Two years from now, spam will be solved.”
– Bill Gates, 2004

“I see little commercial potential for the Internet for at least ten years.”
– Bill Gates, 1994

“Life is not fair; get used to it.”
– Bill Gates

“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”
– Bill Gates

“If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.”
– Bill Gates

“If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.”
– Bill Gates

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
– Bill Gates

“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 MPG”
– Bill Gates

“In this business, by the time you realize you’re in trouble, it’s too late to save yourself. Unless you’re running scared all the time, you’re gone.”
– Bill Gates

“Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana.”
– Bill Gates

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

• “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”
• “Until we’re educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.”
• “If I’d had some set idea of a finish line, don’t you think I would have crossed it years ago?”
• “If I had to say what is the thing that I feel best about, it’s being involved in this whole software revolution and what comes out of that.”
• “Whenever new technologies come along, parents have a legitimate concern about how it’s being used. And the Internet had to be high on the list there.”
• “We are living in a phenomenal age. If we can spend the early decades of the 21st century finding approaches that meet the needs of the poor in ways that generate profits and recognition for business, we will have found a sustainable way to reduce poverty in the world.”
• “The finest pieces of software are those where one individual has a complete sense of exactly how the program works.”
• “Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren’t so irritating.”
• “Competition is always a fantastic thing, and the computer industry is intensely competitive. Whether it’s Google or Apple or free software, we’ve got some fantastic competitors and it keeps us on our toes.”
• “If you give people tools, (and they use) their natural ability and their curiosity, they will develop things in ways that will surprise you very much beyond what you might have expected.”
• “Paper is no longer a big part of my day. I get 90% of my news online, and when I go to a meeting and want to jot things down, I bring my Tablet PC. It’s fully synchronized with my office machine so I have all the files I need.”
• “I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created. They’re tools of communication, they’re tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user.”
• “Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don’t think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without talking about the other.”
• “Is the rich world aware of how four billion of the six billion live? If we were aware, we would want to help out, we’d want to get involved.”
• “To create a new standard, it takes something that’s not just a little bit different; it takes something that’s really new and really captures people’s imagination.”
• “The finest pieces of software are those where one individual has a complete sense of exactly how the program works. To have that, you have to really love the program and concentrate on keeping it simple, to an incredible degree.”
• “In terms of doing things I take a fairly scientific approach to why things happen and how they happen. I don’t know if there’s a God or not, but I think religious principles are quite valid.”
• “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.”
• “We’ve done some good work, but all of these products become obsolete so fast… It will be some finite number of years, and I don’t know the number – before our doom comes.”
• “Personal computing today is a rich ecosystem encompassing massive PC-based data centers, notebook and Tablet PCs, handheld devices, and smart cell phones. It has expanded from the desktop and the data center to wherever people need it – at their desks, in a meeting, on the road or even in the air.”
• “If you show people the problems and you show people the solutions they will be moved to act.”
• “If you get health, then you have opportunity for literacy. Health first, then literacy. Once you have literacy, then you have a chance to bring in the new tools of communication. Let people reach out and have access to the latest advances.”
• “The Internet is becoming the town square for the global village of tomorrow.”
• “Having kids has been a fantastic thing for me. It’s meant that I’m a little more balanced. In my twenties I worked massively, hardly took vacation at all. Now, I, with the help of my wife, I’m always making sure I’ve got a good balance of how I spend my time.”

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

• “640 K ought to be enough for anybody.”
  – Bill Gates, 1981
• “I believe OS/2 is destined to be the most important operating system, and possibly program, of all time. As the successor to DOS, which has over 10,000,000 systems in use, it creates incredible opportunities for everyone involved with PCs.”
  – Bill Gates – OS/2 Programmer’s Guide
• “The best way to prepare [to be a programmer] is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating systems.” — Bill Gates, OS/2 Notebook, Microsoft Press, 1990, p. 614
• “The Internet? We are not interested in it”
  – Bill Gates, 1993
• “Sometimes we do get taken by surprise. For example, when the Internet came along, we had it as a fifth or sixth priority.”
  – Bill Gates, Jul, 1998
• “We had planned to integrate a Web browser with our operating system as far back as 1993″
  Microsoft (27 Jul 1998, filing its first court responses to federal antitrust)
• In response to Java: “Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that’s distributed free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong.”
  – Bill Gates
• “Microsoft Products are Generally Bug Free”
  – Bill Gates
• “There are people who don’t like capitalism, and there are people who don’t like PCs, but there’s no one who likes the PC who doesn’t like Microsoft.”
  – Bill Gates
• “Like medieval peasants, computer manufacturers and millions of users are locked in a seemingly eternal lease with their evil landlord, who comes around every two years to collect billions of dollars of taxes in return for mediocre services”
  – Mark Harris, Electronics Times
• “Microsoft does not innovate. It buys, imitates, or steals. It makes things difficult for software developers, and thus eventually for users.”
  – Richard Brandshaft, San Jose Mercury-New
• “There is a fantasy in Redmond that Microsoft products are innovative, but this is based entirely on a peculiar confusion of the words “innovative” and “successful.” Microsoft products are successful — they make a lot of money — but that doesn’t make them innovative, or even particularly good.”
  – Robert X. Cringley
• “A few weeks ago, a member of the audience at a [Bill] Gates speech in San Francisco asked simply this of the world’s richest businessman: ”Can you make a list of things you won’t be doing? … I just want a little piece of something to pass on to my kids 20 years from now.””
  – San Jose Mercury News, 26 Oct 97
• “We have no intention of shipping another bloated OS and shoving it down the throats of our users.”
  – Paul Maritz, Microsoft group vice president
• “Microsoft has gotten so big that it can put out a Preview that will install itself without checking first to see if it has expired. The message here is that Microsoft’s time is worth more than yours…. no start-up company could get away with being that arrogant.”
  – Jerry Pournelle, Byte Magazine
• “Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the moment, the biggest crocodile in the world is Microsoft, and everybody is busy sucking up to it.”
  – John Naughton, the London Observer
• “Every time you turn on your new car, you’re turning on 20 microprocessors. Every time you use an ATM, you’re using a computer. Every time I use a settop box or game machine, I’m using a computer. The only computer you don’t know how to work is your Microsoft computer, right?”
  – Scott McNealy, CEO, Sun Microsystems, Inc.
• “Microsoft’s biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations.”
  – Esther Schindler, OS/2 Magazine
• “Microsoft – Which end of the stick do you want today?”
  – Unknown

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , MS Funny Quotes

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , O’reillymaker

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Rich Cook.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Dennis Ritchie.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Al Goodman.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Andy Rooney.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
E W Dijkstra.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Isaac Asimov.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

If you don’t know how to do something, you don’t know how to do it with a computer.

If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.

Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Emails, Friends, Random Websites

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called “Opportunity” and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.
- Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Microsoft has big gift for all SQL Server fans and developers. It is realizing SQL Server 2008.

Today in New Year let us have some laugh together. We will continue together with SQL Server articles from tomorrow.

I hope you enjoy today’s article and have a wonderful Year 2008.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

Click on image to see large graphic.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Dilbert

SQL SERVER – Find Stored Procedure Related to Table in Database – Search in All Stored procedure

SQL SERVER – Shrinking Truncate Log File – Log Full

SQL SERVER – Simple Example of Cursor

SQL SERVER – UDF – Function to Convert Text String to Title Case – Proper Case

SQL SERVER – Restore Database Backup using SQL Script (T-SQL)

SQL SERVER – T-SQL Script to find the CD key from Registry

SQL SERVER – Delete Duplicate Records – Rows

SQL SERVER – QUOTED_IDENTIFIER ON/OFF and ANSI_NULL ON/OFF Explanation

SQL SERVER – Union vs. Union All – Which is better for performance?

SQL SERVER – DBCC RESEED Table Identity Value – Reset Table Identity

SQL SERVER – @@IDENTITY vs SCOPE_IDENTITY() vs IDENT_CURRENT – Retrieve Last Inserted Identity of Record

SQL SERVER – Difference between DISTINCT and GROUP BY – Distinct vs Group By

SQL SERVER – Index Seek Vs. Index Scan (Table Scan)

SQL SERVER – TempDB is Full. Move TempDB from one drive to another drive

SQL SERVER – T-SQL Paging Query Technique Comparison – SQL 2000 vs SQL 2005

SQL SERVER – Performance Optimization of SQL Query and FileGroups

SQL SERVER – Search Text Field – CHARINDEX vs PATINDEX

SQL SERVER – 2005 Explanation of TRY…CATCH and ERROR Handling

SQL SERVER – Script to find SQL Server on Network

SQL SERVER – Stored Procedures Advantages and Best Advantage

SQL SERVER – CASE Statement/Expression Examples and Explanation

SQL SERVER – Raid Configuration – RAID 10

SQL SERVER – Understanding new Index Type of SQL Server 2005 Included Column Index along with Clustered Index and Non-clustered Index

SQL SERVER – Query to Find Seed Values, Increment Values and Current Identity Column value of the table

SQL SERVER – Six Properties of Relational Tables

SQL SERVER – TRIM() Function – UDF TRIM()

SQL SERVER – Difference between Unique Index vs Unique Constraint

SQL SERVER – 2005 Locking Hints and Examples

SQL SERVER – Good, Better and Best Programming Techniques

SQL SERVER – Random Number Generator Script – SQL Query

SQL SERVER – 2005 TOP Improvements/Enhancements

SQL SERVER – 2005/2000 Examples and Explanation for GOTO

SQL SERVER – Explanation SQL Commando GO

SQL SERVER – 2005 – List all the database

SQL SERVER – UDF – Function to Parse AlphaNumeric Characters from String

SQL SERVER – Disable Index – Enable Index – ALTER Index

SQL SERVER – 2005 – SSMS Change T-SQL Batch Separator

SQL SERVER – SQL Code Formatter Tools

SQL SERVER – 2005 Comparison EXCEPT operator vs. NOT IN

SQL SERVER – 2005 NorthWind Database or AdventureWorks Database – Samples Databases

SQL SERVER – 2005 Find Table without Clustered Index – Find Table with no Primary Key

SQL SERVER – 2005 Limiting Result Sets by Using TABLESAMPLE – Examples

SQL SERVER – 2005 Change Database Compatible Level – Backward Compatibility

SQL SERVER – 2005 Constraint on VARCHAR(MAX) Field To Limit It Certain Length

SQL SERVER Database Coding Standards and Guidelines Complete List Download

SQL SERVER – Insert Multiple Records Using One Insert Statement – Use of UNION ALL

SQL SERVER – Retrieve – Select Only Date Part From DateTime – Best Practice

SQL SERVER – 2005 T-SQL Paging Query Technique Comparison (OVER and ROW_NUMBER()) – CTE vs. Derived Table

SQL SERVER – Easy Sequence of SELECT FROM JOIN WHERE GROUP BY HAVING ORDER BY

SQL SERVER – 2005 – UDF – User Defined Function to Strip HTML – Parse HTML – No Regular Expression

SQL SERVER – Retrieve Current Date Time in SQL Server CURRENT_TIMESTAMP, GETDATE(), {fn NOW()}

SQL SERVER – Explanation and Comparison of NULLIF and ISNULL

SQL SERVER – 2005 Row Overflow Data Explanation

SQL SERVER – Comparison Index Fragmentation, Index De-Fragmentation, Index Rebuild – SQL SERVER 2000 and SQL SERVER 2005

SQL SERVER – Comparison : Similarity and Difference #TempTable vs @TempVariable

SQL SERVER – Definition, Comparison and Difference between HAVING and WHERE Clause

SQL SERVER – 2005 Best Practices Analyzer Tutorial – Sample Example

SQL SERVER – 2005 – List All Stored Procedure Modified in Last N Days

SQL SERVER – Count Duplicate Records – Rows

SQL SERVER – CASE Statement in ORDER BY Clause – ORDER BY using Variable

SQL SERVER – Restore Database Without or With Backup – Everything About Restore and Backup

SQL SERVER – UDF – Function to Get Previous And Next Work Day – Exclude Saturday and Sunday

SQL SERVER – One Thing All DBA Must Know

SQL SERVER – 2005 – List Tables in Database Without Primary Key

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Find Stored Procedure Create Date and Modified Date

SQL SERVER – UDF – Validate Integer Function

SQL SERVER – What is SQL? How to pronounce SQL?

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Difference and Similarity Between NEWSEQUENTIALID() and NEWID()

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Explanation and Script for Online Index Operations – Create, Rebuild, Drop

SQL SERVER – Find Last Day of Any Month – Current Previous Next

SQL SERVER – T-SQL Script to Insert Carriage Return and New Line Feed in Code

SQL SERVER – 2005 – T-SQL Script to Attach and Detach Database

SQL SERVER – Actual Execution Plan vs. Estimated Execution Plan

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Search Stored Procedure Code – Search Stored Procedure Text

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Find Tables With Foreign Key Constraint in Database

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Find Tables With Primary Key Constraint in Database

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Introduction and Explanation to sqlcmd

SQL SERVER – UDF – User Defined Function – Get Number of Days in Month

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Start Stop Restart SQL Server From Command Prompt

SQL SERVER – 2005 – List All The Constraint of Database – Find Primary Key and Foreign Key Constraint in Database

SQL SERVER – UDF – Validate Positive Integer Function – Validate Natural Integer Function

SQL SERVER – Effect of TRANSACTION on Local Variable – After ROLLBACK and After COMMIT

SQL SERVER – 2005 – OUTPUT Clause Example and Explanation with INSERT, UPDATE, DELETE

SQL SERVER – 2005 – Sample Example of RANKING Functions – ROW_NUMBER, RANK, DENSE_RANK, NTILE

SQL SERVER – Three T-SQL Script to Create Primary Keys on Table

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

If you know source of this image please let me know I would like to include that. Visit more SQL Server Humors.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Need original reference for image.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

They think it is bug in SQL Server when two NULL values compared with each other but SQL Server does not say they equal to each other.
They do not rename the trigger name thinking it will not work after it is rename.
They are looking for difference between Index Scan or Table Scan on Google.
They reinstall the SQL Server if they forget the password of SA login.
They use model database for testing their script.
They believe compiled stored procedure is production ready.
They prefix all stored procedures with ‘sp_’ to be consistent with MS naming convention.
They believe it is best to use stored procedure to move million records across database.
They index all the fields in database to improve the performance.
They believe that adding a foreign key constraint with the ‘Enforce Relationship’ checkbox unchecked is best way to apply relationships as it ensures relationships with ‘constraint errors’ while modifying the data.
They believe SELECT * is better than including all the columns name in SELECT as SQL has to read less syntax.
They believe Rules are better than Constraints and try to convert all constraints to rules.
They add new column in four steps : Create a new table, Copy all the data over, Drop the old table, Rename the new table.
They believe there is bug with SQL Server that it auto creates Clustered Index every time Primary Key is created on table.
They think this article is not funny or disagree with at least 5 of the points above.

Note: Please consider this post as humor, when I started to learn about SQL many years ago I disagreed with all of the above points.

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com), Web-Article

“Yes it is latest year 2005 version of SQL Server – still it will not play your flash movie” — Pinal Dave (SQLAuthority.com)

Many of following quotes are well apply to SQL Server or any database and I find them humorous.

Software is Too Important to be Left to Programmers

– Meilir Page-Jones.

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.

– Einstein

If you think good architecture is expensive, try bad architecture.

– Brian Foote and Joseph Yoder

Abraham Lincoln reportedly said that, given eight hours to chop down a tree, he’d spend six sharpening his axe.

– TidBITS 654, quoted by Derek K. Miller, via Art Evans

This saying is popular among scientists (doing experiments), but I believe it applies to software testing, particularly for real-time systems.

– Larry Zana

Q: How many QA testers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: QA testers don’t change anything. They just report that it’s dark.

– Kerry Zallar

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Just one. But the house falls down.

– Andrew Siwko

There’s no time to stop for gas, we’re already late

– Karin Donker

One test is worth a thousand opinions.

If you didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen.

If you’ve found 3 bugs in a program, best estimate is that there are 3 more.

60% of product cost comes after initial shipment.

Your problem is another’s solution;

Your solution will be his problem.

The schedule doesn’t have enough time for maintenance in it.

A lot of bugs get past the tests.

Most old code can’t be maintained.

“If you make a general statement, a programmer says, ‘Yes, but…’

while a designer says, ‘Yes, and…’”

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Software Engineering Proverbs collected by Tom Van Vleck

The degree of normality in a database is inversely proportional to that of its DBA.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

“Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen.” — Edward V. Berard, “Life-Cycle Approaches”

“Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.”

Users don’t know what they really want, but they will know when they see it…

You can have it done FAST | \
You can have it done RIGHT | | — Pick any two
You can have it done CHEAP | /

Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS)

If you work on a program long enough, it will eventually send E-mail. (My friend though this was funniest!!!)

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Oracle Wiki

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom CHAR(NotBad),
@ Bride CHAR(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride
FROM india_ Brides
WHERE
FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire'
AND
CarCount > 2
AND
HouseStatus ='TwoStoreyed'
AND
BrideEduStatus='PG or Above'
AND
HavingBrothers='NO'
AND
HavingSisters ='No'
AND
AllowRelocate ='YES'
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance
FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherinLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherinLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed
VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

When the girl comes to know about the above code she writes the below given query:
DROP HIM

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com) , Email received from friend

Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)

It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
The teacher starts off with a role call..

Teacher: Oracle?
“Present sir”
Teacher: DB2?
“Present sir”
Teacher: SQL Server?
“Present sir”
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
[In rushes MySQL, unshaven, hair a mess]
Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
“Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st“
Reference : Pinal Dave (http://blog.SQLAuthority.com)