• sent off a manuscript
  cleaned out a closet
  ate a bag of chips
  craved solitude

So I have just joined Twitter. Now what do I do? I have found some people to follow, conspicuously Charlie Brooker who was the only famous person other than Stephen Fry that popped into my head to choose and my pal told me his tweets were boring.

Anyhow, my first tweet is on this page, but now I’m stuck. Looking at it I’m beginning to wish I’d written something about the squirrel I saw getting run over this morning and the way its tail twitched violently before it passed. But I probably wouldn’t have had enough categories and now I’ve mentioned it here it’s defunct, surely?

RIP quivery tailed squirrel with no roadsense.

 

Squirrel

This squirrel’s tail seemed to be glowing as it was lit from behind in the late afternoon sunlight.

Hey everyone!

That’s right, it’s another blog post! Who woulda thunkit?! Today I will be sharing with you my first interview with another artist who I think is amazing. Depending on my mood, I may do more of these sporadically. For now though, enjoy. =)

I recently came across this artist a month or so ago via a bit of a chain. Someone tweeted an article about hand drawn websites and her’s was one of two absolutely beautiful one’s that really blew me away. She makes some absolutely beautiful pieces and I wanted to share her work with you. I got in touch with her a few weeks back and she agreed to answer some questions. So I present to you, Mel Kadel:

What first inspired you to do art?
I don’t think of what inspired me to start doing art, but just that I
kept doing it. I think all kids make art, but at some point or some age many of us stop drawing. I felt a great deal of challenge with drawing and felt a sense of accomplishment when something worked, so i kept on doing it.

How long have you been doing it?
High School is when I began to become very focussed on it. I had a really influential art teacher. She was unlike any other teacher or adult I had ever met. She would talk to us, tell stories, challenge us, and really expected
a lot out of us. I’d walk into her room and feel inspired, unlike some other classrooms I’d walk into at that age.

What is your workspace like?
I would say it’s pretty organized. I like to keep a clean desk, and just have the inks and pens around me. It’s a room attached to our kitchen. My boyfriend Travis Millard works in the room next to me. He’s an artist too, so we spend a lot of time looking over each other’s shoulders and giving feedback. It’s a small place, but we just fill it with desks and make it work.

What’s the most challenging art-related thing you’ve ever done?
I think talking about my work in front of an audience is probably the
most difficult. Although it’s only happened a couple of times, my stomach still sinks with the thought of it. Even if there is a lot of clarity about it in my mind, talking about it can be tough.

What’s the most exciting art-related thing that’s ever happened to you?
Selling work to people that aren’t collectors. In particular, I remember this retired school teacher who bought a piece a few years ago. She told me that she had never bought a piece of art in her whole life. That made me feel so so good, because she didn’t add up the value of the work within the art world, but got it because she loved it and it made sense to her. That, and Ian MacKaye came to a show that Travis and I had together.

Who are any other artists who you admire?
Travis Millard, Swoon, Raymond Pettibon, Aurel Schmidt, Allison Schulnik, Cy Twombly, and so many more. These are just the first few names to pop in my head.

If you were an animal, what animal what you be?
A squirrel

What do you do when you’re not doing your art?
Build fires, sweep the porch, cook, walk, look for my cat, look for sticks to build the fires, make coffee, stain paper, and stuff like that.

Are there any blogs or websites you’d recommend people check out?
Here are a few sites I enjoy:
http://www.fecalface.com/SF/
http://fudgefactorycomics.com/
http://weloveyouso.com/
http://kitsunenoir.com/blog/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
http://www.book-by-its-cover.com/
http://pitchfork.com/
http://www.booooooom.com/
http://www.juxtapoz.com/blog-index

and finally,

What’s your favourite sound, sight and smell?

Rain, Water, Basil.

——————————————–

I must say she is very cool indeed and I’d highly recommend having a look through the drawings on her site. They are all amazingly beautiful and dramatic as you’ve seen in the few I’ve featured in this post, but there’s many more. She is based in the U.S.A so you won’t be seeing her at any UK craft fairs or anything, but you can buy various works by her in many places online. There’s loads on her ‘News‘ page on her site, like this and this.

Hope you enjoyed the interview, stay tuned for all kinds of other awesome.

Good day,

Joe x

Baby squirrel is in trouble, large canine wants to play rough.

Mama squirrel ain’t having it, goes for jugular

The dog is clearly the scared one now

And here is a dog who has lost his interest in the pursuit of squirrels permanently

Late last night I was looking through Mod Cloth and found so many wonderful things so I need to put them all in a post so that they are no longer hundreds of open tabs on my browser! So here they are:

1. Hello Kitty Cutie Wallet – cutest wallet ever!, although knowing me it would get rather dirty in a matter of days in my handbag.

2. Panda-ora’s Bag – such a cute little bag, reminds me of an orange cat one that I own from Fruits Basket! I love the little leaf details on the zip pulls.

3. 23 Flavours of Fab Lunch Box – Dr Pepper – Im always a sucker for tin lunch boxes.

4. Arcade Parade Necklace – very cute retro game necklace, would prefer it in silver though, or colourful.

5. Modzilla Necklace – also comes in black!

6. Aesop’s Fable Necklace in Fox – amazing fox necklace! Reminds me of children’s fairy tales…

7. Camera Obscura Necklace – gonna see if my dad will make me one of these!

8. Time for Romance Necklace – very ornate fob watch, the back is pretty too

9. Friendly Robot Necklace – lovely robot necklace with movable joints!

10. The Poirot Ring – the funniest ring I have seen for a long time!

11. Urban Forest Rings – tiny ornaments on rings are fun, but I fear they will break off quite easily?!

12. Hello Tootsies Socks – love long socks, love Hello Kitty…

13. Winter Semester Socks in Marshmallow – they look so comfy!

14. Anything Bows Headband – I think this would look really cute in my hair.

15. Heartbeats Cuff – chunky cuff for your wrist, very bold design

16. Two Servings a Day Belt – I have been looking for a new belt, and this is so yummy!

17. A-Bot Time Keychain – I think I love robots!

18. Onassis Dress – plain and simple yet very wearable for me. I have an issue with dresses, as I dont own many and never did for many years, so I am forcing them upon myself!

19. Glimmering Girl Dress

20. Frock and Roll Party Queen in Sandy – I seem to love big bows on dresses…

21. The Christine Dress – so cute but out of stock

22. Auld Lang Syne Dress – big and puffy!

23. The Gilda Dress

24. Picture Day Jumper in Khaki – I would love to wear this with a comfy top on underneath

25. Creme de la Creme Sweater Dress – this is so me! If I had to pick one dress from this line up it would be this one.

26. Gettysburg A-Dress

27. Pump Up the Volume Dress – huge puff ball!

28. No Place Like Gnome Tshirt

29. Ele-fun Tee

30. Paradise Kitty Tank Top – its like your boobs are winking at you!

31. Frosting on Top

32. Kawaii Cuisine Bento Box in Giraffe

33. Coffee Nymphs Mug

34. The Vintage Home book – as I love inspiration

35. Apple of my Eye Mirror – would look great in the bathroom!

36. Pear-y Cute Bento Boxes

37. The Better to Bond with You Tape Dispenser – so so so so cute!

38. I See You Mug

39. Lovely Little Labbit Rabbits

.

Two of the hamsters were fighting today so I had to separate them to individual cages. I got hamster blood on my hands, I was not impressed!

Myself and Ryan are off to Bluewater this evening, mostly to see Rick Stein and hopefully get a book signed in Waterstones, but also to do some shopping! I cant wait, it should be fun. I should actually be getting dressed but I’m eating left over pizza

Jenn x

The scream was muffled by the heavy glass patio door and barely reached the bird feeder. The squirrel stopped eating, sat up, and froze, listening. Its tail twitched nervously. Sensing no immediate danger, it dropped its head and resumed its meal.

****

On a bright Saturday morning exactly one week earlier, Howard and Peggy Williams sat on the couch in the den of their comfortable home in Forest Glen subdivision reading the morning paper. Howard glanced through the large picture window toward the back yard.

“That damned squirrel is back,” he said.

“Hmmm?” Peggy did not lift her eyes from the new recipe for delicious low-calorie pecan pie. Howard put down the paper and stepped to the patio door.

“I said that squirrel is back. It’s been here almost every day for the last couple of weeks, eating up all the bird seed.”

His wife leaned to look around him.

“Oh, yes, I’ve seen him. Isn’t he the cutest thing? I love the way they hold their little paws when they eat.”

“I haven’t seen the cardinal around,” said Howard. “Last week I saw the squirrel chase the cardinal away from the feeder.”

“Maybe he migrated,” said Peggy.

“He didn’t migrate. It’s only August, for Pete’s sake, and cardinals don’t migrate, anyway. I’m sure that squirrel chased him off. And if he stays around he’ll chase off the mockingbirds next. I wish I could get rid of him somehow.”

“Now don’t you dare!” cried Peggy in that annoying little-girl voice that she considered endearing. “You know very well that squirrel isn’t bothering your old birds and, besides, I’ve become very fond of him. He’s almost like a pet.”

“That squirrel doesn’t care anything about you. To him, you’re just a meal ticket.”

“Oh, fiddlesticks,” said Peggy, which was her way of ending any argument that she didn’t care to continue. No one in the world said “fiddlesticks” anymore except Howard Williams’ wife.

There had been squirrels in the yard in the past. But these others had come and gone, as Howard reckoned it, in typical squirrel fashion–skulking in like thieves in the night to snatch a few seeds and then disappear (except that they came in the day, but skulking, at whatever hour, is detestable). This one was different, though. This one seemed to have planted his flag in the feeder. He was bold, almost haughty, in defense of his captured territory. Yes, thought Howard, “haughty” is the right word.

Howard wasn’t surprised that his wife couldn’t (or wouldn’t) accept the facts concerning the fickle and malevolent nature of squirrels. He had recently seen a report on the news about a pit bull that had mauled a child, yet the owner insisted that the dog was perfectly harmless. Howard said nothing more, but stood gazing thoughtfully across the patio for quite some time.

Sunday morning found them again in their customary positions in the den. Howard, a bit bleary-eyed after a late-night showing of Dial M for Murder, peered over the edge of his paper at the hairy figure haunting the bird feeder.

“I was thinking,” he said, trying to sound offhand, “about getting a cat.”

His wife was munching noisily at a bowl of fruit and nut cereal.

“I’m sorry dear, what did you say? Something about a hat?”

“I said, ‘I was thinking about getting a cat.’”

“A cat? You know I don’t like animals in the house, Howard.”

“It wouldn’t have to live in the house,” he said nonchalantly. “It could live outside. In the back yard.”

“The back yard? What about your birds? Besides, I thought you didn’t care for cats.”

The birds! Idiot! This would take some careful planning, that was obvious. Peggy was looking at him with a puzzled frown. He had to be more careful.

“Yes, well, just thinking out loud, you know…” His voice trailed off and he rustled the paper noisily. “Anything interesting on the society page today?”

****

At the office on Monday Howard sat in the break room sipping coffee and muttering to himself. There had to be a way, a simple solution he was overlooking.

Howard Williams was a man who liked order in his life. He was punctual, methodical, and conscientious. It was precisely these character traits that led him into his chosen profession as an accountant–numbers were something you could organize and rely on to stay organized. Thus, when Peggy Williams finally persuaded her husband to sell their practical condominium in downtown Houston and move to the suburbs, Howard had attacked his new lifestyle with the same attention to detail. For two years he planned and executed his landscaping goals, choosing carefully and placing each mimosa tree, azalea bush, and jasmine vine just so, to achieve the proper effect. He was particularly pleased when the birds discovered the feeder he erected in the back yard. He had always loved birds–an appreciation nurtured in him by his mother–and to see them crowded near his patio was the final stroke in his meticulously painted suburban masterpiece. But now this gray smudge…

Ed Cole walked into the room and poked his head into the refrigerator before extracting a soft drink.

“What’s up, Howard? You look distracted. Is the Campbell audit giving you fits?”

“No, no. It’s got nothing to do with work. It’s just–” He paused and looked at Ed. Perhaps this is just what he needed. If only he could talk about this with someone who understood; get it off his chest. By talking it out, maybe he could see the answer that seemed to elude him. Maybe another point of view was just the thing.

Ed sat at the table next to him, studying Howard’s worried face.

“Hey, this looks pretty heavy. What’s bothering you? Want to talk?”

“Well, you see,” Howard began, unconsciously covering his face with his hand as he often did when he was deep in thought, “there’s this squirrel–”

“A girl? Why Howard, you old devil!” whispered Ed conspiratorially.

“Not a girl. A squirrel.”

“A squirrel?”

“Yes, and it’s eating all my bird seed and I’m convinced that it’s run off the cardinal, and there’s a good chance it could run off the mockingbirds next–”

“Uh-huh,” said Ed, rising. “Well, I see your problem. Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the Sacred Heart Church account. We did that work four months ago and we haven’t seen a dime yet. You know your problem, Howard? You’re too nice. Do you know what old Father Martin is saying to his secretary right now? He’s saying, ‘Put off the payment to Williams and Cole until next month. Good old Howard won’t mind. Make an extra payment on my Cadillac instead.’ That’s what he’s telling her. You’re a good accountant, partner, but you’ve got to toughen up when it comes to taking care of what’s yours. Can’t you write them a letter or something?”

Howard watched Ed disappear through the doorway. He sat for a moment more, then moved to the sink to wash his cup. Ed didn’t understand, of course. How could he? He didn’t know what Howard knew, had never seen those brilliant red feathers; he had probably never been bitten by an animal in his life. This was Howard’s yard and Howard’s wife, and Howard’s problem, and his alone. Perhaps it was better this way.

Take care of what’s yours. What was his anymore, anyway? Certainly not his bank account. He had been a comfortable bachelor for thirty-four years of his life before meeting Peggy. Since their marriage eight years ago she and her credit cards had nibbled away at his savings, seemingly oblivious to concepts like economic downturns and negative cash flow and deferred gratification. His circle of friends had steadily diminished as he worked harder to keep up with her spending habits and accommodate her own social agenda. Then this house idea. She had persisted with it until he finally gave in and agreed to take on the fat mortgage and homeowner expenses life in suburbia offered. But he had adjusted. He always adjusted.

That night on the news a reporter was interviewing a policeman in front of a large house is an affluent neighborhood. The forty-five-year-old investment banker who lived there had bludgeoned his wife to death with a claw hammer that afternoon. All the neighbors said what a nice man he was; he always bought ice cream for the kids on the block when the ice cream truck came through. The policeman was saying, “You can never tell what a person is capable of doing…”

****

His parents had squirrels in their yard when Howard was a child. There was one in particular, a large fox squirrel, that Howard had spent weeks taming as a boy of twelve. Each day after school, the squirrel appeared on the bottom limb of the large oak tree outside the dining room window and Howard carried sunflower seeds to it, approaching a little closer every time, until that exciting day when the squirrel actually took a seed from his hand before scurrying back up the gray bark. After that progress was faster. Before long Howard sat with his back against the trunk of the tree and the squirrel sat on his shoulder, eating from the palm of his hand.

One day, for no reason at all, the squirrel bit him–hard–on the finger. Howard yelped and jerked his hand away, sunflower seed husks scattering in the autumn wind like dead dreams, and the squirrel rushed to the bottom branch of the oak and chattered furiously at him. Howard felt angry and betrayed after all he’d done to befriend this little creature, and sucked his throbbing finger with tears welling in his eyes. He learned a valuable lesson that day. He learned you can never trust a squirrel.

****

Howard dropped the ten-pound sack of sunflower seeds on the counter. He could have bought the same thing cheaper at the big discount store two blocks down, but he enjoyed going into the feed store. The rich smell of oats mingled with leather reminded him of his grandpa’s barn, of haystacks and carefree summer nights under the stars with his brothers. Days of innocence, he thought as a wry smile curled his lip, before twenty years as a C.P.A. hardened a man into the kind who would do whatever it takes to survive. He came to the feed store for memories, sometimes, it was true, but today he was not looking for nostalgia. Today he needed information. He eyed a large rat trap hanging on the back wall as he produced his wallet.

“Tell me,” he said casually. “What would a person do if he had pests in his yard? How would he go about getting rid of them?”

The old man rummaged in the register drawer for change.

“What kind of pests? Like fleas?”

“No, no. I mean big pests. Like squirrels, for instance.”

The man handed Howard his receipt and reached under the counter for a bag.

“Kinda funny,” he said. “Don’t guess I ever heard anybody ’round here refer to squirrels as ‘pests’ before. You got a problem with squirrels?”

“Me? No, not really. I was just wondering…you know, they can be kind of pesky, can’t they? And I understand they can carry diseases.”

“That right? Well, I guess if you really wanted to get rid of ’em you could try to poison ’em. We got rat poison. But that seems kind of mean, don’t it? Poisoning a squirrel? Besides, you could wind up killing an innocent bystander, so to speak. A neighbor’s cat or something.”

“That would be bad, wouldn’t it?” Howard agreed.

“ ’Course, what you should do is trap ’em,” said the storekeeper, pointing to the small cage on the floor behind Howard. “With something like that. Then you can haul the little fellas off somewheres else without hurting ’em. Lots of people use those for skunks and such.”

Howard studied the little wire box–$59.95!–for a few seconds, his mind playing the scenario on fast forward. Perhaps if he put it near the air-conditioning unit Peggy wouldn’t notice it. But there was really no place to get it completely out of sight.

“No, that wouldn’t work,” he mumbled. “She would see it.”

“Of course she would see it. That’s the whole idea. But if you leave it there a while, she’ll get used to it, then, with the right bait, she’ll crawl right in and bang! there you’ve got her.”

Howard stared at the man in confusion for a moment.

“I didn’t mean the squirrel. I meant my wife.”

“Your wife?”

“Never mind.” Howard picked up his bag from the counter and started out of the store.

“Don’t know why anybody’d want to get rid of squirrels, anyhow,” said the old man to himself, but loudly enough so Howard could hear it over the jingle of the little bell at the top of the door.

****

Howard had a shotgun in the hall closet. It had been a long time since he had used it, but he was sure it would still work if he bought some fresh shells. His father gave it to him when he was a boy, and he became a pretty good shot by the time he was fifteen. He and his dad made duck hunting trips together into the marshes and Howard enjoyed that until one day when he was alone in the blind and he wounded a duck that fell on the other side of the pond. He watched the little teal swim around in circles for an hour, dying slowly and pitifully, and after that Howard couldn’t ever bring himself to shoot at another duck. He always made some excuse when his father invited him, and eventually his father stopped asking. He had never hunted since, but he kept the gun because he thought someday he might need it.

He judged the distance from the patio door to the bird feeder. It was only about ten yards, an easy shot with a shotgun. The squirrel was sitting there now, going through seeds like it hadn’t eaten in a week even though he’d seen it there earlier this morning gorging itself. If he had the gun with him, he could settle this now. Of course, the blast would blow the terra cotta bird feeder all to pieces, too, which was a shame because he liked the way it looked. It was really a bird bath–a large, flat bowl resting on a two-foot-tall stand–but they had always used it for seeds. It had cost seventy-five dollars. Still, it could be replaced. Howard tried to remember the proper technique: raise the gun and level it. Hold the stock tightly against the shoulder, put the sighting bead just below the target to allow for recoil, and gently…squeeze…the…trigger…

Peggy appeared behind him and playfully tugged at his ear.

“A penny for your thoughts!”

He managed a weak smile.

“Oh, you’re watching the squirrel again. Isn’t he cute? Look at that notch on his ear. How do you think he got it? I bet he got in a little squirrel fight, poor thing. Well, I’m glad to see that you two have made up, anyway.”

When he turned to look at her, he was startled for a moment. He had never really noticed how pointy her little face was, and the strange way she held her hands up in front of her.

****

How do you get rid of a body? You could bury it, but then you risked somebody discovering where the ground was disturbed. Maybe you could wrap it in a trash bag and drop it in a nearby dumpster…

Howard picked up a piece of fried chicken and began to gnaw on it. Peggy was chattering on and on about her upcoming bridge party and listing all the things she expected him to do to prepare the house. She was getting on his nerves. Why did she have to make things so complicated? It was just a stupid card game. It was just a stupid squirrel. Why did this have to be so complicated?

He stared at the bone in his fingers and stopped chewing. He recalled a scene from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. In it, two women who have killed a man cook the body and serve it in a meal to the unwitting sheriff to get rid of the evidence. “Best ribs I’ve ever tasted.” He made a mental note to check the cookbooks for a recipe for squirrel gumbo.

****

It was 5:45 on Wednesday evening when Howard rounded the corner into his subdivision and started down the tree-lined street to his home. He was listening to All Things Considered on the radio and deeply absorbed in the story about the latest increase in deficit spending by the current administration when fate presented the solution to his problem. A gray streak flashed across his front lawn and stopped suddenly in the middle of the road. The squirrel raised itself on its hind legs and looked around. Howard slowed the car automatically and looked at the small figure, and, in a moment of time, everything was perfectly clear. It would look like an accident. It would be fast and efficient. There was no way Peggy could connect him to it. Perfect. He glanced in the mirror at the empty street behind him, then quickly scanned the quiet lawns that surrounded his. He slammed down the accelerator and the car lurched forward. At the last second the squirrel bolted for the curb, but a slight adjustment of the steering wheel was all that was necessary. There was a sickening thud as the car shot down the street and Howard didn’t dare check his mirror. He slowed and circled the block, his hands trembling violently as he made the last turn that brought him home.

You can never tell what a person is capable of doing…You can never tell what a person…You can never tell…Never tell…

The gray lump lay motionless in the street. He turned into his drive, hurried into his house, and did not sit down until he had poured himself a stiff drink.

****

Howard lay in his bed staring into the darkness. He could not close his eyes without seeing the little creature propped on its haunches in the middle of the road, and the dull thud still reverberated in the pit of his stomach. Tomorrow Peggy would go out for some errand–probably shopping, what else did she do?–and she would see the squirrel in the road. How many tires would have marked it by then? The longer he imagined the scene the more gruesome it became.

They are rodents, he told himself. He pictured the ugly little rat-like head and the large, dangerous incisors closing on his finger. He thought of the cardinal, with its brilliant red coat topped by that striking black mask, fleeing for its life form the attacking beast. Each time he tried to meditate on these things, Disney images of singing squirrels danced in to replace them.

He glanced at the clock. Twelve-fifteen. He rolled out of bed and lifted his robe from the night stand.

“Whunyoudoon?” mumbled his wife.

“I have to get some water.”

He quietly slipped downstairs and into the garage. Taking the shovel, he hurried across the yard toward the pale blue circle cast by the mercury vapor light above the street.

****

The next morning Howard left early for the office, wanting to avoid the empty bird feeder and the possible probing questions of his wife. He was jumpy all day, and uncharacteristically short with his secretary. When Ed passed him in the hall right after lunch and jokingly asked, “Hey, Howard, how’s the squirrel?” he broke into a sweat and had to spend ten minutes in the men’s room before he could stop trembling.

That night, when supper was finished and Peggy had still not mentioned the squirrel’s absence, he began to feel, somewhat tentatively, a return of his self-control.

By Saturday morning Howard was practically himself again. Peggy was already in the den with the morning paper when he entered carrying his coffee. The sun streamed through the patio door, bathing the room in its cheery warmth.

“Good morning, darling,” he chirped. “I hope you slept well last night. All set for your bridge game this afternoon?”

“My, aren’t we bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! It’s good to see you coming out of that horrible funk that’s possessed you for the last few days.”

“Sorry if I’ve been testy lately. Big audit going on. What’s that you’re nibbling on?”

“Rice cake. Would you like one?”

“No thanks.” He settled on the couch and picked up the front page. “Think I’ll scramble myself some eggs in a little while.”

“Oh look!” said Peggy. “Our little friend is back.”

Howard smiled. Of course the cardinal came back. The mockingbirds would stay, also, and thus his vindication would be complete. There are circumstances, rare ones, when extreme measures must be taken; a man must be tough in taking care of what is his, and it is not necessary for all to know or approve…He lowered his paper and looked expectantly across the patio.

Resting in the center of the feeder was a hunched gray figure. At first Howard did not trust his eyes. He blinked once, twice, transfixed by the apparition. A scene from an Edgar Allan Poe story flashed through his mind: a heart beating, beating, beating in the ears of the murderer, though no one else could hear.

“That isn’t the same one,” he finally said.

“Sure it is,” said Peggy.

“I’m telling you, that can’t be the same one.”

“Yes, it is! Look at that little notch on his left ear. I’m so glad he came back. I haven’t seen him for a couple of days…” Howard turned to stare at his wife. Mrs. Nutkin. “…so I checked the feeder and it was empty…” She twitched and jerked excitedly. “…so this morning I…” Who is buried in the garden? “…put out some fresh sunflower seeds…” Innocent bystander. “…to see if he would come back…” You can never trust a squirrel. “…and I’m so glad…” Who is in the garden? “…Howard, are you all right?…” You can never tell what a person is capable of doing. “…what on earth…?” You can never tell what a person is capable of doing. “…Howard…?”

The scream was muffled by the heavy glass patio door and barely reached the bird feeder. The squirrel stopped eating, sat up, and froze, listening. Its tail twitched nervously. Sensing no immediate danger, it dropped its head and resumed its meal.

Everything you didn’t know about your favorite animals!

Black Bear

Claim to be the first to wear baseball hats backwards.

Confused loneliness with horny-ness once, but thankfully used protection. Vowed to never let it happen again.

Probably the most sports trivia knowledge, ever. It’s mind-blowing.

Came up with the cheer “strawberry shortcake, banana split! All you guys are playing like sh…!” At ’sh..!’ looks around mock-bashfully.

Once had a delay in O’Hare airport in Chicago that lasted 22 hours.

SquirrelHad a huge crush on Charles’ friend Buddy from ‘Charles in Charge.’

Look cute in a fedora.

Aren’t sure if you’re kidding when you’re being sarcastic.

Taller than you’d think.

Great rack.

Dragon

You won’t believe their stories – but, honest, they’re true.

Guilty pleasure of quoting Disney meetings during work conferences – but doing so on the sly.

Doesn’t watch baseball until the World Series.

Went to a nudist beach and giggled the WHOLE time.

Wikka-wikka-wikka-whaaaa?

Giraffe

When they go on trips they’re the ones that end up paying five dollars for a toothbrush at the hotel gift shop.

When they’ve been drinking they’ll admit it – they had four years of lessons on the accordion.

Think it’s funny to do an impression of Fred Flinstone, but instead say “yabba dabba don’t!”

Did just go there.

Don’t own any loafers, but are always on the look out for a good pair at a great price.

Here are my latest addition images for microstock : Animals

Early yesterday morning, I glanced out the window to check on Uriah. He was sitting in the bright morning sunshine; his head cocked to one side his ears up and forwards watching something near the line of trees.

Blinking I tried to focus on what caught his attention.  I looked at the burn pile where green and beige grass stood up in uneven tuffs, dried branches and a pile of cuttings from the vegetable garden flopped over haphazardly.

I could see nothing out of the ordinary.

I looked back at Uriah. He was still staring; his head at a tilted angle, with his left ear pointing at the ground.

I tried again to focus, again. This time past the burn pile along the tree line. Fifty feet away there was a fuzzy grey squirrel, he was laying along the ground with his front paws on an acorn squash. I could see bright yellow splotches on the dark, dark green squash.

 I blinked, then rubbed my eyes as the squirrel stood up off the ground, stood on the squash and jumped up, his downward pounce had the acorn squash roll slightly and he fell off.

The squirrel stood for a moment, staring at the squash.  Positioned himself on the side towards the house, reached out slowly and put his front paws on the squash and pushed. 

The squash rolled forward. He fell on his face, prone on the ground, back legs stretched out behind him front paws still touching the vegetable.  Then, that squirrel jumped up, landed on top the squash and held on with his nails, as it rolled, very slowly, away from the burn pile, with the squirrel attached so he fell on the opposite side.

At this point I noticed I had tilted my head like Uriah, in a, what the..!!, stance.

I watched for a few more moments as that fuzzy grey squirrel circled the squash, with his tail flipping, analyzing the situation.

I called Uriah, he looked up at me, then back at the squirrel. He eyes rolled up towards me, then back at the squirrel. Like he was saying, “Can you believe this? 

I decided I needed coffee I was hallucinating.

I am starting to believe that CenterParcs is the holiday that dare not speak its name. It’s the holiday that it seems everyone in England has actually been on and yet nobody seems to want to talk about. I reckon half the people I meet who’ve been to ‘the Lake District’ have actually spent a week watching kids climb fake rocks in Whinfell Forest. In much the same way as we’ve just been to East Anglia – for which read “Elveden Forest“.

Of course, there’s lot’s that is faintly naff about it and there’s almost nothing where you can’t spot the dead hand of an accountant who’s weighed up to the exact penny how much a parent will pay to placate their offspring this time. But all this takes place surrounded by proper woodland that does seem to be treated with respect. But does proper woodland come with grand rapids? No. So CenterParcs beats tedious nature as well as more mundane holiday destinations.

And being me I did take a short stroll or two with the camera to hand as well. See the above image large here which you could either read as a cute shot of a squirrel having a go at a muffin wrapper or something much deeper and more boring about the interaction between nature as it should be and nature as it has become distorted. Or something.

I’ve also got a terrifying video of severed reindeer heads singing Christmas carols that I’ll be uploading soon. That can wait.

In the meantime though should anyone ask where we went on holiday then I’ll pause, think and say … East Anglia of course … nobody talks about CenterParcs. It’s the first rule of CenterParcs.

When I used to work in a camera store, people always asked me how to prepare for their trip to take better pictures.  Some of them would be going on a once in a lifetime adventure to places like Africa, Brazil, or Alaska.  They were purchasing their new camera and then wanting to capture amazing photos in just a few weeks.  First of all, I don’t recommend this to anyone,  if you know you are planning a trip start early with learning how to use your new camera.  However, I wanted to help them as much as I could so the first step was telling them to practice practice practice.  With the transfer into the digital world practice is cheap and you can view instantly your progress.  So how do you teach someone how to shoot wildlife in just a few weeks so they don’t waste their trip.  I started thinking where can one find wildlife that is readily available, easily accessible, and natural environments.  One day as I was sitting on my deck watching two squirrels chase each other it hit me, here is the perfect solution. I came up with a series of exercises to photograph squirrels and chipmunks that would increase the probability of making an amazing photograph on their adventure. If you can take a good picture of  one of these little creatures, then you should be able to capture a lion or bear when it is sitting in a picture perfect setting.  Over the next few blogs we will be discussing some of these exercises to help improve your photos.  The first lesson is the profile picture.  A clean background is very important so that it is not distracting to the subject.  You can achieve a clean background in two ways, the first is to make sure your subject is in front of a nice picturesque background.  That might be a little difficult to reposition a wild animal.  The other option, and the choice of many is to eliminate the background.  You can achieve this by changing the aperture of the lens to its largest opening in the range of 2.8 to 4.0.  This change reduces the depth of field your camera can record revealing a blurred, soft background, as seen above, causing your subject to stand out. Another thing to take into consideration is to capture a flattering pose.  Just as if you were taking a picture of a human, you want to consider the some of the same techniques.  First is eye contact. In a profile picture eye contact is critical to create an interaction with your viewers. Second, you want to make sure the head position is natural and not distorted.  This takes a little patience to wait for the right moment to get a natural looking head profile.  The last thing to cover in this lesson is you want it to be sharp.  The most frustrating thing is a great picture that is soft and no detail.  In shooting an animal portrait, detail is very critical to give definition and dimension to your image.  To achieve sharp detail you must use a tripod or some stabilizing devise to steady your camera.  Now that you have a few tips go out in your backyard and take a few pictures and practice practice practice.

Los Angeles – An amazing memory isn’t usually attributed to dogs, but that’s just what a Dalmatian in Los Angeles has, according to her owner.

Dog searches for squirrels.

Anita Black claims that Spotz, a 7 year old Dalmatian, never forgets. And she offers proof. “I once made the mistake of not putting the cat back in her room, away from the dogs. Spotz found her in the closet and all hell broke loose. The cat was  fine, but Spotz never enters the bedroom without checking the closet to see if the cat is still there. And that was 4 years ago.”

Black often walks the Dalmatian around the neighborhood which is home to a large squirrel population. “One house on the corner has a large pine tree in the front. The dog saw a squirrel run across the street and up into the tree. She dragged me across to the tree and made a loud commotion, trying to get at the squirrel. That was more than 2 years ago and she never passes the tree without looking for the squirrel. I’m telling you, she never forgets.”

Dalmatians are not known for their intelligence, according to animal behaviorists. They can be difficult to train because they seemingly don’t remember simple commands.

“That’s just silly,” claims Black. “Dalmatians just have their own agendas. They listen and obey when they want to. Just try to quietly open a bag of treats and see what happens.”

The dogs, best known as coaching dogs in Europe, have often been used as circus performers and in motion pictures.

Maybe they do remember.

Here are some pieces I’m currently working on. They’re both litho drawings on a lime stone, neither of them is printed yet.

stone #1

some close-ups

stone #2

UNION OF SOVIET SOCIALIST REPUBLICS

stamp: 40 kopeyka

year: 1959

mammal: squirrel

An interesting point came up a few days ago (while I was complaining about my skin, which tends to get red and shiny after a while, to my despair. Even if I wear concealer, which I usually don’t do). That point was that my friends K and K both came to the conclusion that I was a girly-girl, which I really don’t think I am. To me, wearing heels daily does not a girly-girl make, per se. Certainly not in my personality (it’s my belief that anyone who runs XC is incapable of being a full-blown girly girl). But if I give that image and people have that perception of me, that makes me, in essence, a girly girl. Hmm.

Also feeling the annoyingness of small-town living. Browsing through my fabulous cousin’s photos from her jaunt to Paris (from Barcelona, where she’s been liking for what, a year now?) makes me want to get the hell out of here. To me, nothing can be accomplished here. I’m focusing less on school (well, I still have straight A’s, but that’s more habit than effort.)(Pardon me if I sound snobbish) and working more on my writing and drawing and photography, the things that actually matter to me and will be vital in my future life. If everything works out, that is. Sorry, but knowing the quantum sublevels of the atoms won’t help me if I’m writing a novel or shooting sweeping landscapes (or amazing spreads) or… anything interesting to me. So… yeah.

The world awaits, perched upon a distant rolling hill
its spires circling high and piercing the sky
The future pulls me, hooking into my skin and drawing me
ever forward.
The clear sky yearns, the iridescent oceans of opportunity call
tides pleasantly beating against the shore, my toes

…unfinished.

I made cookies from scratch for the first time yesterday… and there was a dead squirrel in the road, which I took a few pictures of (and I’m pretty sure my neighbors noticed, and wondered).

burnt? not at all…

My family is celebrating my little brother’s birthday today (instead of tomorrow, his actual birthday, which we’ll be spending in a car on the way to PA for Thanksgiving)(we drive out on the day to avoid traffic), so that means cake! Which means I should run… mrrrggg…

Happy Thanksgiving all  :)

~ r

31

Ooops !!

Todays Tune   4Give Me

Man uses mower attached to crane to trim hedge

A man has been snapped taking to the skies in a daredevil bid to trim some tricky hedge

 

The fearless gardener was spotted in Cambridge, New Zealand tending to a two metre-high privet using a ride-on lawnmower hoisted precariously from a crane  Passer-by Bart Dinger, who took the picture said: “I couldn’t work out why cars where slowing down until I caught sight of the crane.”

Good For Them

Couple have sex on clock tower in Sydney centre as shoppers look on

Shocking pictures have emerged of a stark naked couple having sex on clock tower in the middle of a busy shopping centre. The Australian couple were snapped after startled onlookers noticed them clinching in the precarious, and extremely public, position on the edge of the balcony.The photos were taken in the heart of Sydney on Friday afternoon, at the historic clock tower opposite the bustling Broadway Shopping Centre.

Why Parents Worry

Squirrel mother goes nuts and attacks dog trying to eat her baby

They have a bit of a reputation for a vicious streak, but this dog certainly got more than it bargained for after pouncing on a baby squirrel it found on the ground.Moments before the hapless baby would have been torn apart, these images show its mother appearing to leap off a nearby tree and attacking the surprised dog.

The squirrel gets ready to leap off the tree and its terrified baby is pounced on by the dog

Using its sharp teeth and claws, the squirrel tore into its canine opponent and distracted it so the baby could escape to freedom.It is unclear if the images have been edited, but the startled dog appears in considerable pain as the squirrel bites into its flank.The surprise assault gives the baby squirrel just enough time to climb back up the nearby tree before its mother is thrown clear and escapes from the dog.The baby squirrel appears to have fallen to the ground as it was being helped up the tree.

The plucky creature bites and claws the dog, allowing its baby to escape certain death

The dog snarls in pain as the squirrel leaps in to attack it – and the baby makes a leap for the safety of the tree

Spotting the helpless creature on the ground, the dog pounces and traps it underneath its front paws as it closes for the kill.But it appears to have underestimated its diminutive opponent, as the brave mother squirrel clearly has no intention of letting her baby become dinner and rushes to its aid by jumping on the dog’s head.After the whirlwind attack the mother squirrel springs free of the dog and rushes her baby back up into the safety of the tree.The frustrated dog is left sitting forlornly at the base of the tree as its prey escapes into the upper branches.The images appeared on a website that was set up solely to promote them using Weebly, a website creation programme.

Thanks mum: The heroic squirrel ushers its baby back up the tree to safety