The Last Stand

I gave this film  7/10. This was a fairly typical Arnie action film. Sort of wild-west cowboys meets modern-day FBI, where the good guys are good and the bad guys are really bad. This was a fun shoot-em-up, with an interesting if somewhat predictable storyline. It had some good laughs as well which added to the enjoyment. Was a nice to see Arnie back on the big screen with a mix of humour and action, two things he does pretty well.

Bullet to the Head

I gave this film 7/10. Again another pretty standard action film, lots of blood and violence with an attempt at a new storyline. Stallone’s good guy is really a bad guy but you still end up rooting for him. I quite enjoyed the storyline, and you start in the middle of the action and the film doesn’t really stop. I also liked the method used of moving back and forwards in time.  If you’re a fan of the blood and violence type action film, you’ll love this addition.

I hope you enjoyed these reviews, and that I maybe inspired you to see these films.

Have you seen these films? Did you enjoy them? Do you agree/disagree with my reviews? Was there something in any of them you feel I maybe missed?

So far we have

• Sylvester Stallone as the title character which is a cop. A cop who doesn’t play by the rules, but god-damn he gets results
• Brigitte Nielsen
• Stallone’s boss hates him, but tolerates his methods, because of the aforementioned results.
• Cobra lives in a beach front property.
• Alone.
• And entertains himself by cleaning his gun.
• While wearing his mirrored shades
• Having first shifted a load of Latinos out of his parking space.  They were just sitting there.  In a car. Next to a beach.  For no reason.
• His partner wears a flat cap.  Unironically.  He almost dies.
• The bloke who played Sledge Hammer has a minor role.  Can’t get more 80s than Sledge Hammer.
• Prominent pictures of Ronald Reagan
• The soundtrack appears to consist of power ballads and saxophone solos
• There is a montage.
• Accompanied by a power ballad.
• Ultra-violence, which is commented upon by one of those liberal media reporter types.
• Who gets punched in the face. Because this is the 80s, God-dammit.
• Cobra never takes his gloves off.  Even when in his own house.
• OMINOUS SYNTHESIZER CHORDS!
• Lots of sounds of guns being lovingly assembled and reassembled
• Including an entire montage
• Also accompanied by a power ballard.
• Cobra drives his own customised car.  Which makes lots of noise, but doesn’t actually go all that quickly.
• As evidenced in a car chase where it can’t catch one of those Tetris shaped US sedans of the 80s.
• The solution to everything is shooting people.
• Each bad guy is offed with a one-liner
• 87 minute running time.  (3 minutes longer than Evil Dead II, 8 minutes less than Mad Max 2.  When did films get so long?)
• Cobra shows his sensitive side and romances the girl by putting a ballad on a jukebox.
• Fashion shoot! (For character development reasons, of course)
• Female lead character invites male lead character to bed – soundtracked by yet another power ballad
• It is dumb. Like, really stupid.  You know how Arnie and Stallone were one man armies in the 80s? It is because extras would line up to be mowed down. Literally, just running in front of machine guns.  There is a bit where Stallone is on the back of a pick-up, killing everyone with one shot.

Basically, the only film that can match it for 80s-ness is Police Academy 3.  Because that features not only jet-skis, but is quite blatantly shot in a location other than that depicted – unless they’ve moved the CN Tower* without anyone noticing.

Shame Cobra isn’t, on just about any level, a decent film.

* Easier to see in the film itself, but in that image, you can see the concrete structure of the CN Tower in the background behind the white building

Former Governor Schwarzenegger didn’t fare much better in The Last Stand, his first lead since Terminator 3. I didn’t think The Last Stand was a great movie, but it wasn’t a bad movie either. The car chase scenes were exciting and the “shoot ‘em” violence was campy, but cool. The negative of the film was to see the once physical specimen that was Schwarzenegger in the 80s, only a shell of his former self. Schwarzenegger can’t convey the physical prowess that he once exuded on-screen. The Last Stand only made $11 million at the box office, but Arnold still has numerous projects lined up so we will see if “he’ll be back.” My bet is — studios are going to be losing some money on the Governator.

There are a few old timers that are defying the odds and kicking butt at the movies. Ten years ago you would have laughed at the thought of Liam Neeson (aged 60) as an action star. Neeson won critical acclaim playing Oskar Schindler, Rob Roy and Micheal Collins. Neeson was never seen as an action hero until someone decided to anger Mr. Neeson and kidnap his daughter. Not in real life, just on the big screen in Taken. Taken was a surprise hit and started Neeson’s second career as an action star. Neeson appeared in the A-Team, both Titans movies and the hugely underrated The Grey. Neeson proved again last fall that he is not to be messed with at the box office leading Taken 2 to $139 million dollars in ticket sales. I love to see a great actor like Neeson getting a nice second life to his career considering all the heartache he endured after the death of his wife Natasha Richardson in 2009.

The next actor to hold on to his action crown is an older gentlemen, but still younger than the aforementioned actors we spoke of earlier. Bruce Willis, everyone’s favorite above average Joe, is young compared to his Expendables and Planet Hollywood cohorts. Willis is 57 and is still successfully defending his action hero title with this weeks release of A Good Day to Die Hard. That’s not the only action film that is on the way for Bruce. He’ll appear in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Red 2 and Sin City: A Dame to Kill For. I think the reason Bruce Willis is able to survive in the action world is because he is a better actor than Stallone and Schwarzenegger. Even though Willis is in the twilight of his career, he can still shine in films like Looper, Red and The Expendables franchise. We’ ll see if Willis can still make John McClane save the day at the box office later this week. I personally think even with the R rating, which I couldn’t be more thrilled about, A Good Day to Die Hard will make near $50 million at the box office opening weekend.

So why won’t these action stars of yester-year put away their guns and enjoy their golden years? For one thing there is a void to be filled in the action realm. No one has stepped up to take over the action throne. Both Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson decided to go haywire which hurt their box office appeal. Plus Tom and Mel are no spring chickens. Some people will make the argument for Jason Statham, but I view most of his movies as interchangeable. Statham wears a suit, beats people up and has a few quick one liners. You would think Channing Tatum is an obvious choice, but he seems to have his mind set on projects outside the action genre.

The two stars that have the most potential are Jeremy Renner and Chris Hemsworth. They are a part of the Marvel cinematic universe. Renner revived the Bourne and Mission Impossible franchises and he has the acting chops with two Oscar nominations. Hemsworth burst onto the scene in Thor and unless you are blind, Hemsworth is one handsome dude. Hemsworth’s star should get even bigger with the releases of Ron Howard’s Rush, Thor 2: The Dark World and The Avengers 2.

Is there an actor or maybe even an actress who could take over the action void? Let me know on Twitter @CW44CouchPotato or at facebook.com/CW44CouchPotato.

Hopefully he can get Rambo, John McClane and The Terminator to help out.

Who knows? The Expendables 3 could be a reality TV series produced by Sesame Workshop.

Seagal’s idea might work out well, as the action stars could patrol the schools during the day and work on their GEDs at night.

Of course, Seagal will have to answer to district supervisor “Judo” Gene LaBell.

ONE SHOT

Russell Ord’s quest for extraordinary surf photos…

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• Bullet To The Head
   
  Trailer 2Just as with Ah-Nuld’s last outing, I am not keeping my expectations high on this one.  Nevertheless, the tagline possibilities of the climactic showdown between Sylvester Stallone’s protagonist and the baddie’s hitman (Jason Momoa) seem interesting –  ”Rambo vs. Conan” anyone?

  And WTF is Christian Slater doing wasting his prodigious talent here in a supporting role?

2/13/03

• Flight
  
  TrailerRobert Zemeckis directs Denzel Washington in this Oscar-baiting drama about an airline pilot caught in the aftermath of a life-or-death situation while battling his own addiction demons.

  Good job, Solar Films, for letting us wait a spell to see this, only to slot it against…

• A Good Day To Die Hard
  
  Red-band trailer

  Russia, along with China, remains a lucrative yet untapped global film market, so it makes perfect sense to film on location at the shadow of the Kremlin.  Adding an ironic layer to that are lingering memories of the Cold War – and, yeah, cheap yet skilled location crews.

2/20/03

• This Is 40
  
  Red-band trailerGotta hand it to Judd Apatow for effectively turning out another romantic comedy and injecting it with a whole lot of raunchy realism. That should be a welcome antidote to your usual saccharine V-day fare.
• Savages
  
  Red-band trailerYou got me at Blake Lively.  Half naked.

  Not to mention Salma Hayek channeling Uma Thurman’s Mia Wallace character from Pulp Fiction.

  

  Pulp Fiction’s iconic still of Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace

  Oliver Stone lets loose his palette of ultra-violence onto the sun-dappled world of the Southern California drug trade.

  Yet another long-delayed big-screen release – what gives, Solar Films???

2/28/13

• Jack The Giant Killer
  
  Trailer 2Yet another fairy tale from our childhoods gets the big-budget, wide-screen revision courtesy of X-Men & Superman Returns director Bryan Singer.  Just hoping (against hope) that it is just as bloody and snarky as Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters  

Bullet to the Head Review by my friends at theblackholecorner.wordpress.com

Bullet To The Head.

But I never realised he also does stand up comedy until very recently when a friend showed me this hilarious video:

His impressions are brilliant, the audience are clearly having lots of fun and it is an excellent video. After watching it I shared it with a friend of mine who loves Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions and he told me he’d already watched it 7 or 8 times over and over again!

But, in case you are wondering how much of Aries Spears’ performance is raw talent and how much is hard work, check out his earlier video of the exact same stand up comedy routine:

I personally find there are some fascinating insights in the second video which really reveal how much hard work and time Spears has put into this routine.

This video is obviously from earlier on in his career and he is a lot less confident. There are a few things he does which indicate that he is not sure the audience will get his joke:

• He is talking a lot faster. Compared to the first video, he’s almost rushing to the punchline of each joke.
• He has this nervous energy and is walking a lot around the stage (it’s interesting to note in the first video he also walks around, but it is at a slower pace and he looks more comfortable doing it
• The general delivery of what he is saying is less pronounced. He emphasises the same words and phrases in both videos but in the second video he is a generally a lot quieter.
• He’s not as confident using his arms when he is expressing himself, almost as if he thinks that could distract the audience from his impressions

It just goes to show that when you see what looks like an effortless performance, it is anything but that for the artist. They work really hard so it looks like they haven’t needed to work at it at all.

Also: this year there is a movie coming out with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone called “The Tomb”. After watching these videos I don’t think I will be able to take the upcoming mentioned movie seriously!

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger

2. Sylvester Stallone

3. Jean-Claude Van Damme

4. Bruce Willis

5. Tom Cruise

6. Steven Seagal

7. Chuck Norris

8. Mel Gibson

9. Wesley Snipes

10.  Matt Damon

It was incredibly difficult to make this list and narrow it down to top ten. I could’ve stretched it more, but in all honesty I don’t know how to rank the difference between number 14 and 16 for one, and how far should I stretch it? There are only so many actors worthy of being considered “best”.

Special credz go out to: Mark Wahlberg, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Tommy Lee Jones, Russel Crowe and more who would’ve been on my top 15 list.

To see Van Damme, Stallone and Schwarzenegger in the same movie and together like this is an honor and privilege. My eternal gratitude goes to Stallone for making it a reality.

This weeks podcast is another Evil Movie Night where the Geeks take a look at the Sylvester Stallone classic Cobra!

So sit back, have a listen, clang your axes together, and geek out over Sly himself in the 1986 classic!

Later Internet!

All images and characters depicted are copyright of their respective owners

Fahrney’s is thrilled to present the Montegrappa Sylvester Stallone Chaos Limited Edition Fountain Pen. Inspired and designed by brand ambassador and legendary filmmaker, writer and actor, Sylvester Stallone, the Chaos collection truly stands apart amongst other fine pens. A long-time aficionado and collector of Montegrappa pens, Mr. Stallone drew inspiration for the theme of his signature pen from his recent film, The Expendables. He worked with Montegrappa’s artisans to create his idea of Chaos; a sense of the Renaissance, when life was simplified and perhaps more noble, placed against today’s technological society. The body of the Chaos is made of black pearlized celluloid with an intricate and mesmerizing overlay in solid sterling silver. The antiqued, hand-finished overlay features accents in red and yellow translucent enamel symbolizing fire. The design is characterized by the juxtaposition of life and death; reptiles represent the early forms of life on Earth, the central skull signifies death. The ultimate defining detail, bearing both a fist and a skull, is the pen’s clip in the form of a sword. The first in the Montegrappa Cult collection, Chaos is a limited edition of 1,000 fountain pens and 912 rollerball pens in sterling silver, which represents Montegrappa’s 1912 date of establishment. A complimentary Chaos inkwell in rock crystal and sterling silver will accompany this collection. Please call us for information on the solid gold models. The Montegrappa Sylvester Stallone Chaos Limited Edition Fountain Pen Features The first in Montegrappa’s Cult collection Inspired by Stallone’s recent film, The Expendables Beautiful and intricate hand-finished overlay with ribbons of red and yellow Design signifies the juxtaposition of life and death Elaborate clip bearing a fist holding a sword Includes a complimentary Chaos inkwell

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What was I talking about?

Anyway, gather ’round kids and I’ll tell you about a time which seems quaint in the present political climate. With gun control all over the news, it’s hard to remember that in the eighties we gleefully lined up to see films that were nothing but explosions and gunplay. Those movies still get made, but it’s nothing like back then.

Consider Sylvester Stallone: Forty-seven “Rambo” movies (I counted. It was something like that.) Movies about a post-traumatic Vietnam vet who kills lots and lots of people. He did the eighty-four “Rocky” movies too (Again, look it up.) He didn’t kill anyone in those, though.

Then there’s former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger from back when he was, uh, PRE-California governor. He made “The Terminator” and it’s sequels, of course; playing an evil cyborg from the future who travels back in time mostly to kill lots of things. He made a bunch of other movies too. They were all loud. Even “Twins”, though that may just be Danny Devito’s acting style.

And, finally, the third musketeer, Bruce Wills. He, of course, made holiday classic “Die Hard” (There’s a Christmas tree in one scene.) and it’s sequels. He made other movies in the eighties too, most of which were pretty forgettable, at least to me. (“The Sixth Sense”, a very good film, didn’t come along until 1999.)

We all at our popcorn (with the good, extremely unhealthy, butter flavoring back before nutritionists finally wore us down.) and had a good time.

Then the eighties ended.

We wound our cinematic way through the next two decades. Stallone continued to make the same kind of cheap dialogue, high action films he always did to modest success. Schwarzenegger got into politics. Willis made movies too, but they weren’t quite as bullet-happy for the most part.

Action movies still got made, but movie-goers started demanding action heroes with more depth. They needed more back story, more heart. We also wanted movies that engaged in a wee bit less racial and cultural stereotyping of our villains. I can’t support this with statistics, but my hunch is that the attempts at traditional “action movies” these days don’t fare as well as horror or the latest Judd Apatow romantic/comedy something-or-other.

So, it seemed, the era of the action star might be over.

But wait…

Is that Ben Gay arthritis cream and mothballs I smell? No one probably uses Ben Gay anymore, but I know three guys back in the day who probably did. Could it be…COULD IT BE?????!!!!!

Yes! They’re all back! Willis! Stallone! Schwarzenegger! They’re all up on the big screen this year, wrinkles and all. (Except Stallone who looks freakishly cut. Look at those abs. Pretty sure they just enlarged a Rambo action figure and stuck his head on it in some sort of top-secret lab.)

Willis debuts on Valentine’s Day(!) in “A Good Day to Die Hard”, the fifth installment in the franchise. I’m actually not going to rip on the film because (1) haven’t seen it; (2) I was surprisingly entertained by “Live Free or Die Hard” which came out a few years ago. Yeah, there are lots of bullets and explosions, but it’s SO cartoony, you can’t take it seriously. It’s a video game with someone else at the controls.

Stallone is in theaters now with “Bullet to the Head”. Didn’t see it, but the title tells me it will pretty much be vintage Stallone. That’s good or bad, depending on your taste.

And Schwarzenegger returns to movies with “The Last Stand” playing a small town sheriff who’s not taking crap from anybody. It’s hard to picture Arnold as a “small town sheriff”. Andy Griffith, he’s not. Not even Jack Carter (that’s a shout out to “Eureka” fans) But, then, Arnold always has liked odd choices. Remember “Twins”? Or that one where he’s a pregnant DUDE?

The point is: these guys are OLD. And they’re still out there doin’ it. And doin’ it the way they did back in the day, updated cultural sentiments be damned. Why? Nostalgia for the eighties? Maybe. I’ve got some. I still haven’t solved the Rubik’s Cube. I’ll probably see the Die Hard movie because of my weird affection for the franchise. I’ll skip the others, but lots of people go. Lots of money to be made.

And I guess that’s the answer.

– Citeste tot articolul: http://www.constanta.ws/stiri/sylvester-stallone-twitter-ul-este-o-nebunie/

Rick Dixon writes from Cambridge about Sylvester Stallone also known as John Rambo made a speech to argue against guns in America. In this post Rick highlights some interesting things. He looks at the three films and explains them in a way you will not have read before. From this post you will understand how views and thoughts change overtime. You will know more about Rambo films and have a better understanding of what has been happening around the world these past few years. If you are Russian or from somewhere nearby this is not something you want to miss, if you are passionate about the debate happening which you should know about, especially if you are living in America. Living in America is a song by James Brown and he sang this song in one of the Rambo films. Here is a brief summary of things said by Rick Dixon. I would rather you go over to the full post and read that before reading any further here because a lot of is just me paraphrasing.

First Blood (1982) there is a scene where no guns involved Rambo throws a breeze block into a helicopter window. First Blood Part II (1985) Rambo is sent to Vietnam in Reagan’s 80s America the Russians were behind everything bad no explanation required. Rambo III (1988) a propaganda film showed someone wiping his arse on a Russian flag every 5 minutes. The second point of note is the film’s opening dedication, “This film is dedicated to the gallant people of Afghanistan.

Sylvester Stallone started of in a low budget film called Party at Kitty and Stud’s. Now flash forward to the present day, and the latest gun control rows Sylvester Stallone chooses to take time out from promoting his latest film, Bullet to the Head to voice his opinion on gun control.  Stallone backed a 1994 Bill prohibiting the sale of assault rifles and believes it should be reinstated the American buffalo is long-extinct  anything else hunted with an assault rifle is likely to go the same way. There are small armies attacking homes in America that would require assault weaponry to defend them guns don’t kill people, people do, people being allowed access to military weapons and proper treatment for the sick and mentally ill.

Related articles

• Rambo’s Sylvester Stallone supports gun control (washingtontimes.com)
• Stallone Supports Gun Control but… (ribbie.wordpress.com)
• Sylvester Stallone Supports Gun Control: ‘Bullet To The Head’ Star Doesn’t See Value In Assault Weapons (huffingtonpost.com)
• Rambo’s gun snub: Hollywood hardman Sylvester Stallone backs gun control (mirror.co.uk)
• Sylvester Stallone Backs Assault Weapon Ban (news.sky.com)

Stallone and Schwarzenegger never cease to entertain or delight me with their films, the duo has finally been working together back-to-back from The Expendables 1 & 2 and soon The Tomb. But each has had their slumps with solo films.

Stallone’s Bullet was…Rambo+Rocky+Dredd.
An interesting and fun flick, but left many questions unanswered, many unnecessary scenes, and could have used more scenes for certain parts of the film.

Here is the plot:
Jimmy Bobo (Stallone) is a hitman working with long time friend and partner Louis Blanchard (Jon Seda). After a hit in a hotel room where Bobo leaves a hooker alive, the two go to a bar where Blanchard is stabbed in the sides by Keegan (Holt McCallany) while alone and left to die; the culprit (another hit man assigned to take these two out from the boss) goes after Bobo in the bathroom but gets away, and Bobo finds his partner dead on a bench.
A new detective arrives in New Orleans to investigate the deaths; Detective Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang) figures it to be the work of Bobo and Blanchard; He notices a panther tattoo on the back of the hooker as well. He meets with Bobo to find the creator of this mess. Bobo doesn’t agree to work with him at first, but then saves Kwon from corrupt cops onto him to kill Kwon; the corrupt cops don’t want him finding out what is going on in the city, and Bobo agrees to work with him. Bobo takes an injured Kwon to his daughter’s tattoo parlor where she would perform surgery to take out the bullet; Kwon notices the same tattoo as on the hooker on Bobo’s daughter.
They kidnap one of the kingpins working with the mobsters running the city, and kill him, only to be hunted by Keegan and other men, leading to Bobo self destructing his home after they escape.
Kwon meets with the lieutenant and discovers he is also crooked and when he tries to kill Kwon, Bobo appears to the rescue and saves him once again. Meanwhile, Bobo’s daughter is kidnapped by the kingpins and the two agree to meet in an abandoned warehouse.
Keegan confronts Bobo, where they have an axe fight. The fight ends with a knife stabbed into Keegan’s neck and Kwon shooting Keegan to death. Bobo shoots Kwon to make it seem like he escaped, and Bobo’s daughter stays with Kwon as to form a relationship;
In the near future, Kwon and Bobo meet again at a bar, where Kwon says he did not tell the police of his whereabouts, but if Bobo continues his work, Kwon will hunt him down.
Bobo welcomes him to try, and drives off in a new Ferrari.

Stallone delivers a ripped and well kept body from his Rocky and Rambo days, as well as a kick-ass hit man character, but the story lacks quite a bit.
For one, the kingpins were rarely discussed, only the head was talked about coming from Africa and building the empire, but as far as the police involvement and such, none was mentioned; the viewer just discovered which cop would show up at the meetings or try to kill Kwon.
Also, the whole concept of the black Panther tattoo on the hooker and Bobo’s daughter was interesting, because Kwon mentioned that is why he didn’t kill the hooker, because Bobo’s daughter has the same tattoo…but other than that, no explanation was given as to the meaning of the tattoo or to anyone else having that tattoo.
It’s always fun to have some backstory as to what started on the hit man journey too, but a few points just describe his past in crimes, and Lisa (Bobo’s daughter) mentions he grew up on the streets and that is all he knows.
Some of the dialogue was not flowing with the movie, so that seemed weird a few times to have certain lines said when there could have been better written scenes.

Overall, a 6.5/10, sorry to say, but, glad to say because it was Sylvester Stallone, and a big fan of him myself, that 6.5 will not affect my future Stallone viewings or continuing viewings of past films. This fill will still be gladly added to my movie list!

BULLET TO THE HEAD
Directed by Walter Hill
Written by Alessandro Camon, based on the graphic novel by Alexis Nolent

Review by T.J. Heath, Mr. Film Critic

Bullet to the Head is an homage to the 1980s mismatched buddy action picture, from a star (Sylvester Stallone) and a director (Walter Hill, known for directing The Warriors and 48 HRS.) who were in their primes during much of that decade. While Bullet to the Head succeeded in besting Schwarzenegger’s The Last Stand as the better “this is how we used to do it” movie, it was just too forgettable to really reco

The chief pleasure of Bullet to the Head is watching Sylvester Stallone, who is always watchable, even when he’s stuck with a story that is extremely dumbed down and unoriginal. Stallone is simply a bad-ass, and while last month’s The Last Stand featured a withered Schwarzenegger looking old, Bullet to the Head features Sly Stallone looking ripped and kicking ass. He also spouts off funny one-liners nonstop with charisma. Stallone plays a hitman whose partner is killed when their employer double crosses them. He gets teamed with an unlikely sidekick in Korean actor Sung Kang (Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift, Fast Five) who plays a detective whose former partner was killed by the same people. The two join forces to try to catch the bad guys, with their main conflict being that Stallone doesn’t make arrests, he puts bullets in heads.

The film features some exciting gun play, hand-to-hand combat, and even an ax fight. Jason Momoa, (Game of Thrones, Conan 3D) plays a rival hitman with a taste for destruction, who happens to also enjoy shooting people in the head. He was fun to watch, despite not having anything important to say. We even get a respectable performance from Christian Slater (because what 1980s homage would be complete without him?) as a sleezy lawyer who throws masquerade parties where the women only wear the masks. Unfortunately though, the story in Bullet to the Head is where is falls way short of a recommendation. It’s just too corny and predictable. Cops turn out to be bad guys, to the surprise of no one but the idiot cop played by Kang. The ultimate bad guy is an extremely wealthy foreigner who needs two canes to walk. We learn that all the bloodshed is to support his evil plan to *GASP* demolish “ghetto” housing and build condominiums in New Orleans! When the story looks like it couldn’t get any less complicated, the bad guy’s own hired hand (Momoa) inexplicably goes on a rampage, fights Stallone, and we’re done.

Bullet to the Head is fun and it goes by quickly, but ultimately it has nothing you haven’t seen before. While it was great to see Stallone back in a starring role without the distraction of the other “Expendables”, his performance as a bad-ass hitman deserved to be in a better movie.

GRADE: C

Sylvester Stallone

If this makes it seems like an R-rated version of Three’s Company, it’s not. It’s just that this type of movie has been done so many times before. Luckily the movie is in the hands of Walter Hill, who made some of the 80′s biggest action movies. It’s definitely better than it has any right to be, but nowhere near as good as I was hoping.

The biggest surprises here are Jason Momoa, who I pretty much wrote off after the Conan remake, and Sarah Shahi, who takes what should have been a thankless role and made good on it. Both do way better than I ever expected. And, unlike Shwarzenegger, Stallone can still easily pull off action movies.

In other words, check your brain at the door and you may enjoy yourself.

DB

The story, based on the graphic novel “Du Plomb Dans la Tete,” is a cacophony of hackneyed plot devices from every sub-par action-thriller ever devised, and Stallone seems as bored as the audience as he goes through his paces as a hit man out for revenge. Even the snarl on his otherwise immobile face has a perfunctory quality, which is perfectly in keeping with the star’s grunting method of delivering dialogue in a raspy voice that is either whispering or shouting without ever quite working out the trick of being convincing. Paired with an unwilling partner (Sung Kang), a DC cop in New Orleans investigating a murder out of his jurisdiction, Stallone mangles his lines, making the writing even worse than it already is by finding new and exotic ways to make politically incorrect painfully racist. Not that Sly has a clue about any of this, he struts like the cock of the walk from one gunfight to another, taking time out only to use his fists, swim underwater for an extended sequence, or mouth cringe-worthy lines in the worst possible way.

The raison-d’etre of the film is, of course, seeing how many corpses can be piled up in the most unconvincing ways possible, followed by would-be taglines that fall as fast and as hard as the hapless bullet-riddled victims. Time-outs are granted only for an interlude of nudity, for an interlude of torture, or the blathering on of extended and unhelpful exposition via phone messages or a crime lord’s explaining to a subordinate the entire back story of how said crime lord got into his particular pickle, and all of it punctuated by, of course, fiery explosions.

The relentlessly pedestrian pacing and defiantly dull direction pummels the audience the way Stallone pummels those who get in his way, only there is no sweet release of either unconsciousness or death for that audience. The flick just drones on from one improbable set piece to another without even the saving grace of a sense of fun or suspense. By the time Momoa and Stallone get out the axes, there is more than a whiff of desperation to it, as though all involved were looking to add something novel before the closing credits to alleviate at least part of the metaphorical bad taste BULLET TO THE HEAD leaves behind. It fails, becoming just another failed element in a sad and pointless exercise.

Release: Friday, February 1, 2013

[Theater]

Funny enough, Mr. Stallone, revenge does start to get old once we catch on in this flick that this will probably be the only thing you’re going to be doing for the rest of your career. If Rocky’s story was all about some redemption, Sylvester Stallone would appear to be writing a story about his actual life that is quite contradictory. After all, this film doesn’t do much in the way of redeeming anything at all. And it certainly has no plans for giving back all the spilled blood to the fallen.

In this new Walter Hill-directed actioner, we literally get nothing new from Stallone, his opponents, and there’s barely a soul who wants to stand close enough to Stallone’s thuggier-than-ever anti-hero, James Bonomo, for us to even be able to tell if there’s a side we should be taking here. The short answer to that is there’s not really anyone worth cheering for. Everyone is basically as bad as one another in this super-bloody, gorier-than-expected cast-off film.

I’m sorry if I’m bashing hard against this film at the moment, but sometimes films are lacking the tough love from the critics when they [the films] lack love of any sort in the manner in which they were created. Sometimes you need to fight with axes to make your point. Oh wait. Hold on, no that’s actually something that happens in the film and as it turns out, that also serves as a decent metaphor for me to use in describing my overall disappointment with Bullet to the Head. Of course, no one’s biting their tongue harder than I am when people ask me, well what did you expect out of a Stallone picture? A modern Stallone picture, at that. Touché. I guess what I was hanging my hopes on was a fulfilling story involving the big brute, at least something for us to gnash our teeth into while watching Stallone do what he does best.

But Bullet to the Head is a rather empty project that spares no empathy towards those who get in James Bonomo’s path — let’s face it, it’s not going to be a plot spoiler if I tell you all the bad guys get their clocks cleaned. Twice. Stallone is playing the part of a rather powerful hit man who is on a mission to avenge his former partner’s death during a typical job. (Even writing that seems silly — I mean do these crazy bastards always expect for things to go smoothly all the time? Is that even logical, avenging a dead hit man?)

Anywho. . .

Stallone’s character is boring due to its incredible one-dimensional “I’m gonna kill ‘em all” mentality. In fact I think those are some of his pithiest lines in the film: “I’m gonna kill you.” After going it alone for a long while, Bonomo takes on a second partner, of sorts, when an intelligent and virtually indestructible cop, Taylor (played by Sung Kang) comes upon the city of New Orleans after one of his partners ends up with X’s for eyes. It’s the perfect mismatched duo but it needed to be developed at considerable length for us to really have any fun with either of them — or trust the cop for things other than using his impressive trigger finger. Alas, this is the case for almost all of the elements in Bullet.

Despite Stallone’s inexplicable ability to look more epic every time he stands fully upright — although he’s pretty well-matched in physique with the likes of this Keegan character (Jason Momoa) and some of his henchmen — this film wastes a ton of potential in drawing out a truly sinister story where it could. Believe me, there’s violence and action aplenty — I couldn’t actually count the number of minutes spent on the fight sequences, but my bet is over 40 of them were dedicated to people’s asses just being kicked. That’s good stuff in and of itself, but as Stallone advances in age, audience expectations (or mine, anyway) are also advancing to higher levels.

As this film is based off of a graphic novel, the final result is even more disappointing in that there are no twists, turns or anything really unexpected and instead we follow it strictly by the rules set forth by most action films. I guess it’s alright though, because after seeing several scenes of graphic violence, we come to learn that Bonomo (or “Bobo”) has a really attractive daughter; he doesn’t really pay much attention to her though. I suppose that is only fitting for a movie that is so careless with its handling of potentially lethal material. If Hill paid as much attention to the details of dialogue and character-development as he did with the way people died in his movie, then perhaps we would have a ‘welcome back’ party for Sly, since this is his first major role that was not either Rocky or Rambo in over a decade (that also excludes his role in The Expendables).

Nope. In this case, not a single one of us will really care enough to do so much as play the kazoo to welcome him back to the big screen. We will have to wait until the next time around. And if someone would kindly take down all the banners and streamers, please. . . . .that was embarrassing I even thought to put those up here.

Recommendation: While not a total waste of a film, Bullet to the Head plays it safe and sticks to formulaic action drama. This is nothing significant to add to Stallone’s already impressively manly career. So I say go if you’re a big Stallone fan. But you may also want to bring a dictionary or a translator or something, because it’s starting to get hard to understand the guy.

Final Review: ** / *****

Running Time: 91 mins.

Rated: R

“I know people get (upset) and go, ‘They’re going to take away the assault weapon.’ Who … needs an assault weapon? Like really, unless you’re carrying out an assault. … You can’t hunt with it. … Who’s going to attack your house, a (fucking) army?”

In conclusion, leave the destruction and mayhem to the professionals:

H/T: TPM

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Grimy, brainless and features the line “if you hurt her I will kill you with a rock.” Bullet to the Head is unapologetic about it’s violence, stereotypes and  bullets to the head. It is the story of a low level assassin who teams up with a detective to take down an evil condominium owner.

One of the biggest problems with the film is that the director has no idea on how to use Jason Momoa. He is like an NFL linebacker who can act and has showcased his charisma in Game of Thrones. In this film he scowls, spins axes and scowls more. He has cool moments where he is interesting but he has to flail around while Stallone somehow manages to go blow for blow with him. The main advertising point of this film was the epic axe fight. I was hoping for long static shots but was stuck with quick editing and only about thirty seconds of violent axe action. This is a shame because the fight had a lot of promise.

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Sylvester Stallone is reliably reliable as a con who wants to avenge his partner. The problem is their is nothing likable about him. He makes racist Asian comments, constantly takes his shirt off and mumbles a lot. Stallone made his comeback years ago in fantastic films Rocky Balboa and Rambo. In those films he provided character moments that filled the movies with heart. For instance, in Rocky he had a chair sitting in a tree next to his wife’s grave showing that he often visited. In Rambo he said the famous line “live for nothing or die for something.” Those films featured little ego and relied on solid writing. However, in this film he rambles on and tries to make us believe he has lived in New Orleans his whole life and could battle Khal Drogo to a draw.

The film also features likable actor Sung Kang in an odd relationships with sly’s daughter played by likable Sarah Shahi. The two have zero chemistry yet have to form a relationship because the script calls for it. The bonding makes it awkward for Kang the detective and Sly the crook to gel and is tailored made idea to feature in a sequel. It is a plot device that is never fully formed thus feels like a waste of time. This is a shame because the two have proven to be invaluable in Life, Fast Five and Better Luck Tomorrow.

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I know I am being overly critical of a film called Bullet to the Head. However, The recent Arnold action film The Last Stand features clear motivations, coherent action and an immensely likable cast.  Bullet is grimy and feels like it was written in 1986. The movie focuses heavily on high falutin’   cell phones and magical flash drives that seem like relics. The director Walter Hill (Warriors, 48 Hours) is part of the problem. He has a stellar resume but can’t help but making this film feel like an old school action romp. It relies on conventions (one-liners, boobs, blood) that worked in the 80′s but now feel gratuitous. There is nothing wrong with the conventions but they seem old when in the hands of Hill and Stallone. You feel like this movie could have worked in 1986 and that is why it won’t work in 2013 regardless of the tagline trying to tell you otherwise.

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I applaud Stallone for trying but I hope he goes back to the days of interesting scripts and non-gratuitous bullets to the head. Watch The Last Stand instead and appreciate an old action star in a new vehicle.