So Its friday and i have been watching Japanese commercials starring western stars. My only conclusion is that they are all ape shit crazy and that I want in. Actions speak louder then words as i quite frequently say to the voices in my head, so watch this.

If that video does not give you soy sauce wet dreams then you are probably already dead from exposure, exposure to that video!

Speaking of death by video; did you know that Sylvester Stalone  did porn at the beginning of his career  under the assumed name “The Italian Stallion” .  That alone should make you either want to move to italy right now or kill yourself, depending on the time of day.

Trying to get the image of Sylvester Stalone’s penis out of my head

-Adam

Vogue - 1979

Ela se auto-intitula a primeira Supermodel do mundo.
Segundo ela, foi a primeira modelo a desfilar em todas as semanas de moda do mundo, dai o superlativo.
Se é verdade, não sei… o fato é que ela começou cedo nas passarelas e sabe como ninguém se manter na mídia americana com a histórias mais malucas do mundo, que vão desde fumar maconha e perder a virgindade pro Jim Morrison à dar o golpe da barriga no Stalone à ser a rainha máxima da pista do CBGB.
Claro que ela tem uma auto-biografia, que recomendo… embora tenha ficado com a sensação que se trata mais de uma obra de auto-ficção.

Não sei se ela é louca, se as drogas comeram o juízo dela ou se ela nunca parou de usar. O fato é que ela está cada vez mais sem noção, pra minha diversão. Vide:

best action guy? can we really give it to Arnold no questions asked? no pause for Bruce Willis, or Sly Stalone? ignoring the last Indy movie, what about Harrison Ford? or how about a classic movie votes for Charlton Heston, Sean Connery or even Clint Eastwood?

let’s not forget Arnold’s string of “kindergarten cop”, “twins”, and “junior”. at least the comedy breaks that Bruce Willis took were in good movies, but i suppose that shouldn’t really factor in to this discussion. i just wanted to remind everyone of that period in Arnie’s career.

in my opinion, it boils down to this: Rambo, Terminator, or Die Hard?

I think I’d put my vote in for Bruce Willis. I know Arnold also has the Conan movies, but Bruce is still making kick ass action flix, while Arnold is out bankrupting California.

here’s my issue with giving it to Arnold: is HE the reason why all those movies were awesome? sure, Arnold was the reason the Conan movies were awesome, but Terminator? Given how awesome the Sarah Connor Chronicles TV show is, where the main Terminators are Summer Glau, and some random dude, but they are still as awesome, I can’t say that those movies are awesome because of Arnold. in a lot of cases, his movies are awesome in spite of him. can you really say no one could have done better in True Lies or Total Recall than Arnold?

i feel almost as if Arnold is one of those guys who became huge despite being a B-movie actor in big Hollywood movies. Have you actually seen Commando recently? I saw a good chunk of it last month and it was pure crap. And Predator? That movie was awesome because of the Predator, and a bit for Carl Weathers, but mostly the Predator, not Arnold.

My vote goes to Bruce because his movies are awesome because of him. Can you imagine anyone else being John McClane? Maybe someone else could have done the first movie, but to carry the series into McClane as an octogenarian, gotta be Bruce. Hudson Hawk, Twelve Monkeys, Fifth Element, Armageddon. maybe not all the pure “action” movies that Arnold has done, but damn good movies (assuming we cut Affleck and Liv’s entire storyline from Armageddon) and all made better by Willis.

Just because Arnold has been in the center of some of the biggest budget Hollywood action movies, isn’t enough, because more often than not that’s all those movies are is explosions, steroid muscles, and Arnold’s broken and monotone English. Arnold doesn’t bring anything to the table except his own mythos, whereas Bruce Willis is in great action movies, but he is also a good actor, he brings real comedy to his work, and real humanity. Arnold is nothing but a roid puppet with a lot of special effects around him that carry his movies.

I can’t say 100%, but I may even put Sly above Arnold on the list because of the body counts he racks up in the Rambo series (and by that I mean the last 2 Rambo movies, since he really only killed one dude in the first movie). Not to mention I have soft spots for Judge Dredd, Demolition Man, and Cliffhanger. And besides which how can you discount a guy who was in a movie called “F.I.S.T.” and a movie called “DeathRace 2000″ in which he played the character “Machine Gun Joe Viterbo”. Classic.

Can I also throw in a dark horse nomination for Bruce Campbell? The Evil Dead trilogy is just way too good to pass over, and they surely don’t fit into the “horror” genre that they were originally supposed to.

Demolition Man

Ah, nostalgia. It’s interesting reviewing games that were released to support a movie back in the 90s and analyze them not only from the perspective of a movie-induced game, but from a nostalgic perspective that recognizes that a decade and a half has passed since.

On the scale of movie games, Demolition Man does a surprisingly decent job for its era. It takes the approach of trying to pull the player through the movie in Stalone’s shoes. What amused me the most was its ability to generate a small adrenaline burst, even when you’re just looking at a bunch of pixelated masses.

Your standard side-scrolling neo-apocalypse scenario. Nothing special. Move along.

It features two game modes. The first is largely a Flashback-style side scroller, where you just shoot anything that moves and proceed to the right as efficiently as possible. Its main weakness is that the controls are somewhat awkward, and that there are the usual screen-edge repopping of bad guys. The rest is pretty well balanced. It’s somewhat fun to barrel through these stages in a sonic-like manner, and just shoot incessantly.

That brings me to my second praise: the game recognizes that having infinite ammo can actually be a tonne of fun. You basically never stop shooting in the game. Not only does that make the game more fun, but it also lets you get the Stalone Rambo thing going, and have extra fun channeling him. It’s stupid, but in this era, that was something, and it’s still somewhat entertaining. It amused me enough to make me bother to deal with the awkward controls and complete a few stages.

I can see baddies around walls! I'm that awesome!

The second game mode is an Ikari Warriors-like top view working through labs. They make it work reasonably well. The controls are unfortunately a bit unresponsive, and enemy repopping is a perpetual pain. If the controls responded better to flick reflexes, it would be fine. As is, the frustration comes from the game not responding to your movements quickly enough. I’m reminded of the lag while playing the original NES Turtles, with the accompanying screen-refresh choppiness. It’s somewhat forgivable. Somewhat.

In your face! No, in YOUR face! Booya, brutha!

The game features some traditional trash talking between Stalone and Snipes. And the music gives you a bit of a beat. It’s entertaining if you’ve just seen the movie, reliving some of the post-apocalyptic visions of the 90s.

And your punishment is to BURN, while I take over the world! *Insert Wesley Snipes insane/evil laughter*

Verdict: Demolition Man managed to not wholly suck. That’s saying a lot for games that came out to support movies and were released in the 90s. You could pick it up and play for a few stages and have a good time. It won’t sustain you for more than that, but for a couple of bucks at a garage sale, picking it up could be worth the nostalgia.

…i don’t want to get my black tank dirty, though.

in the next 25 hours:

work 9-5.

read a terrible play. write a ten page paper, re: this terrible play. 

get all my packing done.

my goal is to turn into rambo sometime tonight in order to make all this stuff happen. without the aid of steroids or a mullet wig…just pure badass coming straight out of every appendage. (that sounds disgusting, but i’m too tired and have too much on my plate to fix it.)

something i feel good about: even though the cd isn’t out til june 23rd, i read today that the new ‘hair’ cast album will get a digital release on itunes on may 26th. baller.

something i’m unsure about: so, yes, ‘texts from last night’ is great. i mean, who doesn’t enjoy a good ‘(978): Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you’? but the new sidebar, ‘twtr from last night’, i just…don’t know how to feel about it. thoughts?

G de Gud

Cliffhanger

The game lets you pick the number of lives you want to start with. Srsly. Do I need to continue this review? The developers are shouting loud and clear: We fucked up. Our bad. Sorry. Here, pick the number of lives you want. Don’t even need to bother with a Game Genie.

All tough guys wear short sleaved shirts in sub-freezing, mountain temperatures. WAT!

The classic design of a bad side scroller: Pits that insta kill you that are exactly one millimeter smaller than your maximum jump range, repetitive music, stupid AI that likes to walk into knives, repeatedly. Oh, and of course, the infamous super move that somehow drains your health. Apparently Stalone’s muscles were so tense that every time he did a tripping kick motion, he ripped 3 more tendons, so you take more damage than you could ever conceivably take from the enemy you kill. Better yet, the amazingly costed super move is interruptible by any bad guy who decides to poke you in the middle, and you still take the full damage. Yay. And then there’s the avalanche scene, also know as the how-to-spend-all-7-of-your-lives-in-approximately-21-seconds scene.

Oh noes! An avalanche! Try number 324. Fuck it. Just lie down and die. It's easier and it's the same outcome anyways. Gotta wonder what's under those moggles.

This game is not fun for more than 48.7 seconds. Sure, games don’t HAVE to be fun, if they have some artistic merit, or the tiniest of redeeming factor. This game has neither. That leaves only the fun factor. There must be fun to be had somewhere?!?! The most fun I had playing this game was putting down the controller, and watching one of the cookie cutter bad guys who was wearing the exact same outfit as the 57 other guys – no seriously, what do they all shop together, buy in bulk or something? – punch the living shit out of Stalone, over and over and over. Apparently if you stand still, and don’t block, they just sucker punch you, repeatedly. No kicking, nothing. Just whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, punching, the, crap, out, of, his, stupid, face.

Here it comes!

BAFF! In your FACE!

You want some more of this? HUH!?! PUNK!?!

BIFF! Take that! You like that, huh? You naughty boy. Dirty boy. You like that!

GAZZOOK! I got lots more of where this came from! And you still have 6 more lives!

Verdict: This game doesn’t even deserve the title of franchise rape because the Cliffhanger franchise really didn’t have that much prestige to it to begin with. If you have the urge to play a difficult side scroller, play something with character instead, like Double Dragon II.

Em ritmo de natal, até o Rambo fica sentimental.

Senhoras e Senhores, Rambobells:

CLIQUE AQUI!

Valeu!

Soldado Ryan

No iPod toca: Berimbau – Vinicius de Moraes

O tempo lá fora é de: Sol gostoso.

Buy at AllPosters.com

Twenty years later, “Rambo” (Sylvester Stallone) retired to the Northern Thailand. Close to Thai-Burma (Myanmar), the civil war with the longest duration of human history, the Burmese conflict, is already in its 60. Th year. John Rambo now lives a solitary life, simple, in the mountains and jungles, to fish and hunt. Everything changes when mission of the Human Rights seeking. They give you that, from the previous year, in part by to the refugee camps, the Burmese armed forces placed mines along the road making the route too dangerous. Rambo guide them through the Salween river so they can deliver medicines and food to the Karen tribe. Less than two weeks later, the Pastor Arthur Marsh (Ken Howard) finds Rambo and tells you that employees of humanitarian aid did not come back and that the embassy did nothing to find. While the U.S. Army has trained to be a lethal soldier in Vietnam, decades later, the reluctance of Rambo for violence and conflict are palpable and their scars away but it is still, however, visible. Meanwhile, the lone warrior knows what to do …
 
This a movie for Rambo fans. I found that violence had not exaggerated compared to the other Rambo movies and the end gives us some emotion.

“Esse é o meu tipo de lavagem, baby.”

Schwarzenegger Stalone:
———————-
A once young hero was rightly born
To invade the common space and wash on shores
Show up swinging mace and expouded by droves
He smote the whole village and stole all they ho’s

He took the pussy man and he showed it right
Hit it on all sides and gone flown in by night
He was called on his horse and called at the bar
Asked to preform when he wasn’t grown at all

He was still a little kid and all he knew was to shed blood
Freak ho’s and fawk niggas and never find true love
And the village forgave him and let him speak undone
Until he finished his rap and left the condom on the rug
————————-

“Intro”

“If I could only flow, through the rest of my life, If you would only know, how to fly above strife, I can only go, to the beat of my drum”

Corny as hell, but I’m jockin’ it, ain’t no story to tell, but I’m rockin’ it, my dealer is 18 years old, no stoppin’ him, a young G like me, we pop rocks and shit,

We pop rocks rocks in the rain, ’till our socks is damp, switch the beat on an oldsmolbeer exiting the ramp, for real hip beat, African sheek, with a Mexican twist for some latin’ heat.
I rap about rap about rappity rap. Rift raft accompany me to this heavenly track. Hear the music in your brain, as my lyrics invade, containing your space, more effecient than fences around the Palestinian race.
Guarding the spoils of war. It’s what we done worked for. Ours for the taking if we only rise up. In the name of God, or in the praise of this plastic. The effort’s the same, and the pretext is elastic. I’m living in a time that is surreal-lyrical, a post-grammatical new wave, upperground,
gonzo journalism gone insane making infinite rounds.
At least that’s my vision, hope you take a listen. Remember when I aint had no pot to piss in? Though I might not be covered in Rocks a Glistin’, I’m fortefied by the dead smoke of Buddha’s last toast, and Hunter Thompson’s dead ghost. I done said it all before, you need to play close attention. Read between the lines and hold for the misdirection. [frantic scratching and break-fruit loops in the background]
——————————————–

Today I got up at seven and I went back to sleep
Mom cooked up some bacon so I had to eat
Said fuck pumping iron, so I pumped out some skeet
Some landed on the tissue, some landed on the sheet

Before I knew it, the clock had struck two
Had a blind date at three with Ms. Tu Wong Foo
As it goes the little lady don’t come through
On the phone she made me laugh like my date should

An older chick, she must have gotten scared
Maybe she thought I couldn’t fuck and wasn’t prepared

But I think she could tell that I got the good dick
That I lick the pussy right and work the clit
And it must be evident by my old school rhyming
That my prowess and technique works with expert timing

Thought my oral delight aint for the random chick
I admit the first night, I might give it a lick
But if you want more, it need a bi-girl’s face
Even for my wife, I won’t give head e’ry-day

But fuck it man, and proceed with my song
Because today was so nice, and myself too strong
Headed to the beach, my detox clinic for free
For last week’s blue-balls and abusing of weed
Money for liquor and murder for alleged misdeeds
But I have to party hard for the friends I’ve grieved
Through the bitter pills of my life they’re my only retreat

And so I emerged from the water, a reborn dude
Still I questioned my tactics, and my lonely room
Saw a license plate frame with a quote so true
“Life is too short to be without she who loves you”

Thought, “Damn this nigga, he blew my mind”
And which way to head East, so I can save time
Should I go 580 or South to Madera’s pines
And from there due East to see my son’s blue eyes
In the blue-smoke mountains of Kentucky’s blue-corn prime
The day I don’t think about her never arrives

And to this day I bear the pressure of my heart’s swell,
Just to dry my tired eyes, and wish the stars, under which she sleeps, treat her well.

Και όμως … Οσο απίστευτο και να σας φαίνεται είναι πραγματικό.

Ο john rambo επιστρέφει με τη μορφή του πάντα ακμαίου selvester stalone.

Ειδού οι αποδείξεις

To trailer της ταινίας.

Παρά τα 70 περίπου χρόνια του ο πάντα τούμπανο (έχω πάρει ότι αναβολικό κυκλοφορεί στην πιάτσα ) stalone έρχεται να μας αποδείξει πως δεν έχει γεράσει.

Μετά την επιστροφή του στην μεγάλη οθόνη ώς rocky balboa τώρα έρχεται ξανά ώς johny rambo.Δηλαδή τι παίρνει αυτό το παλικάρι και δεν λέει να γεράσει. Πολύ θα ήθελα να μάθω.

Όπως θα δείτε και στο trailer πρόκειται για μια ταινία με ωμές σκηνές βίας και αρκετή δράση(λίγο παραπάνω θα μπορούσα να πώ απ ότι μας έχει συνηθίσει).

Ανυπομονώ να την δώ στις αίθουσες ,όπου αναμένετε να βγει στις αρχές του 2008, να θυμηθώ και λίγο τα νιάτα μου με τις απίστευτες ώρες που έχω περάσει χαζεύοντας στις βίαιες ταινίες του.

Υπομονή

update::

και η ατάκα της ταινίας

“killing is easy as breathing!”