Reanimated Convict Becomes Heir To Untold Technology Riches

If you’ve ever been up really, really late at night maybe you’ve seen Jeff Paul’s informercial “Shortcuts to Internet Millions”.  You’ll know it right away due to the fact that you really don’t see all that much of Jeff himself, just the usual people playing golf, eating expensive food, lounging by swimming pools…all the hallmarks of a life of luxury.  Oh, yes, and his two perky, buxom female interviewers (Carmen Paulmbo, Stacey Hayes) who interrogate the suddenly well-to-do.  Surprisingly, they don’t seem to mind the questioning all that much. 

Poor Marcus Wright, though, will never have a chance to utilize Jeff’s scheme, no matter how well it works.  Marcus was a convict in Terminator: Salvation who donated his body to science (err, well, I guess he donated it to science fiction, like the comedian Steven Wright–no relation–said).  He wakes up with no memory and a shiny metal endoskeleton.  Skynet likes him at first–it thinks it’s his mommy–and wants to make him heir to the robot empire, but Marcus will have none of it.  All the Kristiana Lokken T-X models had already left, you see.  Anyway, after a long, drawn-out movie with a heck of a lot of yelling in it (which resembles Apocalypse Now quite a bit), the whole thing is set up for a few dozen sequels.  Marcus gets damaged, though; he might need to get some prosthetic covering from one of them there newfangled “V” type aliens.  One face-ripper to another, he could say: hey, bro, slap me some skin.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
-Steven Wright

“I intend to live forever…so far, so good.”

Steven Wright

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
-Steven Wright

“The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was no one on the other line. Once she said ‘God Bless you’ I said, ‘I didn’t sneeze.’ She looked deep into my eyes and said, ‘You will, eventually.’ And damn it if she wasn’t right. Two days later I sneezed.”
–Ellen DeGeneres, in “My Point and I Do Have One “

“Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.”
–Andy Rooney, in “Older Women”

“I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.”
–Steven Wright, comedian

First, here are the answers to last week’s quiz, “Timeline History of Television”
1. Radio waves
2. Herbert Hoover
3. Schenectady, New York
4. “Mary Kay and Johnny”
5. “The Hank McCune Show”
6. 1972
7. 1955
8. 87%
9. 1972
10. M*A*S*H
11. $182 billion
12. CBS’s Gunsmoke

And now here is this week’s quiz in honor of National Going Topless Day:  “Breast Quotations…or That’s Saying a Mouthful!”
Identify which of the choices is the person for each quote about breasts.

[1] “People need to realize breasts are for more than selling beer.”
- Margaret Cho
- Jean Kerr
- Joan Rivers
- Trystyn Underwood
- Frank Zappa
 
[2]  “Whoever thought up the word mammogram? Every time I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.”
- Candace Bergen
- Dyan Cannon  
- Nora Ephron
- Jan King
- Rita Rudner
 
[3]  “I was such an ugly baby, my Mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.”
- Woody Allen
- George Carlin   
- Rodney Dangerfield
- Steve Martin
- Steven Wright
 
[4]  “If a man is pictured chopping off a woman’s breast, it gets an R rating; but if God forbid, a man is pictured kissing a woman’s breast, it gets an X rating.”
- Bernardo Bertolucci
- Michael Caine
- Sally Field
- Russ Meyers
- Sally Struthers   
   
[5]  “Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.”
- W. H. Auden   
- Robert Browning
- William Congreve
- Noel Coward
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
 
[6]  “I think it’s about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we’ve been voting for boobs long enough. “
- Shirley Chisolm
- Hillary Clinton
- Star Jones  
- Claire Sargent
- Lily Tomlin
 
[7]  “My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.”
- Milton Berle 
- Phyllis Diller
- Totie Fields
- Bob Hope
- Henny Youngman
 
[8]  “Women are amazing multitaskers. I typed this list one-handed while breast-feeding a twenty-three-pound baby and watching Landscapers’ Challenge on TiVo.”
- Ana Gasteyer
- Kathy Griffin
- Debbie Harry
- Elizabeth Hasselbeck
 
[9]  “A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling, ‘Hey, come back here with my breast!’”
- Linda Ellerbee
- Geri Jewell
- Rose Kennedy
- Victoria Principal
- Nancy Sinatra
 
[10]  “If they fine Janet Jackson, she should fight all the way to the Supreme Court. These people are trying to say that they’re smarter than Thomas Jefferson! If there was anyone who wasn’t afraid of a black woman’s breast, it was Thomas Jefferson.”
- Carrie Fisher
- Teri Garr
- Matt Groening
- Penn Jillette
- Chris Rock

The answers will appear next Monday, but if you just can’t wait til next week, you can find the answers here:
http://www.sploofus.com/triviaquiz/breast_quotations.html

It’s a great trivia web site, and if you join up please mention my user name “billkozy” as a referral, so that I get lots of points worth no money whatsoever. Just bragging rights I guess.

Ibland kommer jag hem från jobbet och slår på teven som en vanlig man. Och, några gånger har jag sett ett caféprogram där kändisar får sätta ihop en middag med sina favoritgäster.

Här är min variant med motiveringar.

Plura: husguden måste förstås komma. Att få prata med honom om hans fantastiska musik, ordvalen och hur han målar allt från lycka till djupaste ångest på några textrader vore fint. Det skulle dock vara lite skakigt att sitta där med någon som inte bara är en magisk musiker, utan också en kock med koll.

Mitch Hedberg: lite jobbigt att få dit honom, han bor ju i himlen sedan några år tillbaka. Fast, tanken på att få diskutera hur även små saker i tillvaron kan skapa fantastisk komik kittlar. Mitch hade garanterat höjt partyhumöret hos alla, inte minst givet vem nästa gäst är. Och, en komiker som kärleksfullt pratar om gräsänder (kolla efter drygt fyra minuter i klippet) är förstås en hjälte.

Steven Wright: han ser totalt uttråkad ut, nästan medvetslös, sen bara smäller han till med världens roligaste skämt. Att höra honom och Mitch Hedberg fundera över livet hade kunnat få även en misslyckad förrätt att bli himmelsk. När man lyssnar på de två inser man hur totalt värdelösa svenska ståuppare är för övrigt.

Verner von Heidenstam: Tja, vem vill inte äta middag med en man som skriver så fantastiska saker som:
Jag längtar marken, jag längtar stenarna där barn jag lekt.

Karin Boye: Hon skrev fantastiska dikter. Hon sover på en kyrkogård alldeles i närheten. Men, eftersom det här är en fantasimiddag hade det förstås gått utmärkt ändå. Det hade blivit skönt som motvikt till det amerikanska att ha henne och Verner på plats.

…sist, men inte minst – självklart måste det finnas en hedersgäst och det är förstås en lirare som inte behöver någon ytterligare motivering än den här filmen:

Hmm, menyn då…

Tja, jag hade nog gärna börjat med kalvbräss och kanske någon liten skaldjursanrättning som uppvärmning. Två varmrätter; fisk och vilt, tror jag. Därefter hade tveklöst desserten bestått av sju sorters kakor och mjölk. Allt för att glädja vissa av oss lite extra.

Plura hade lirat några väl valda låtar och eventuellt hade jag låtit Basil Fawlty stå för serveringen.

Vilken kväll det hade blivit.

MilkandCookies – Steven Wright on Carson

Comedian presenting biography, tour information, video clips, discussion board and news.

Comedian presenting biography, tour information, video clips, discussion board and news.

This is Wright&s first national television appearance. Johnny Carson welcomes him and does a brief interview following his act. RT 4:57.

This is Wright&s first national television appearance. Johnny Carson welcomes him and does a brief interview following his act. RT 4:57.

This is Wright&s first national television appearance. Johnny Carson welcomes him and does a brief interview following his act. RT 4:57.

Ironically, I did do Tarot card readings for awhile on eBay, so this ATC with a quote from Steven Wright is a favorite of mine.

If you’ve read my previous post on the Bible Belt and Orthodox Agnosticism, you would understand that this wasn’t something that I trumpeted about to the local citizenry.   

My mother is the one who passed along the ESP gene to me, but it just scared her so she never wanted to acknowledge it much, except for when the phone rang and she knew who was calling.  One thing she did relate to me was that she has a vivid memory of being next to her paternal grandfather’s deathbed.  She can describe what he looked like, with his long mustaches, etc.  The only problem is, she hadn’t been born yet when her grandfather died.  However, her mother was pregnant with her at the time.  My take on it is her soul was there observing the scene.  I tried to delve further into this fascinating “memory” but it freaked her out too much and she didn’t want to discuss it.  She has also awakened from naps on the couch and seen people (often a little girl, sometimes a woman in a hat, once or twice a cat) standing next to her, observing her.  My daughter has dealt with the whole “I see dead people” thing throughout her life and has no interest in developing any talents she has in that realm.

Personally, I have always been interested in stuff like this.  When I was a child there was a program on t.v. called “The Dunninger”—a “mentalist”, if you will,— who used to do feats of ESP every week.  Once he had a card with the name of a tree on it, upon which he concentrated and sent out his thoughts to the folks in the t.v. audience—me included.  My Mom, Dad, and my older brother each gave silly answers.  I closed my eyes and there on the back of my lids was the word “Elm.”  So that’s what I blurted out.  I didn’t even know what an Elm was at the age of eight or nine, but I said it anyway.  Turns out the tree was the Elm.  Everyone looked at me with new regard.  Except my brother, who continued to pound me whenever I came close to the threshold of his room.

I had another encounter with a mentalist in the 1970’s.  This time it was up close and personal.  I was with friends at the Magic Castle in Hollywood, California—it was an old mansion in the Hollywood Hills that had been converted into a restaurant and a place for magicians to showcase their talents.  The main room in the basement was like a movie theater with plush seats and a stage.  The headliner was the Amazing Kreskin.  He came out and said he needed a volunteer.  We were sitting in the front row since my friends had been there before and knew it was a prime spot.  I sort of put my head down and keep saying to myself “Don’t pick me, oh please, don’t pick me.”  Having read Kreskin’s memoirs in the years since, this was the worst thing I could have done.  He had to have “heard” me, because I was picked.

I went up on the stage and, to make a long story fairly short, Kreskin wrote a number on a piece of paper and showed it to the audience, but not to me, and then put the paper into a safe which was on the stage.  He then proceeded to mentally project to me a series of numbers which I then wrote down on a slate, the surface of which he couldn’t see.  After I had a long column of numbers written down (which I saw in my mind much the same as I’d perceived “Elm”) Kreskin then asked me to add them up.  Oh, no!  I’m horrible with math and told him he’d picked the wrong person to be doing this.  But I did it (trying not to count on my fingers) and gave him the slate with the sum of all those numbers.  He went to the safe, opened it and took out his piece of paper.  He showed it and the slate to the audience.  The sum was the same on both of them.  I left the stage to riotous applause and when we were walking out I was approached by Morrie Amsterdam (the sidekick on the old Dick Van Dyke Show) who had been in the audience.  He told me how much he enjoyed what had just transpired.  I was hooked.

The Tarot cards I used in my readings were quite lighthearted.  They depicted retro images of housewives and images of food and appliances from the 1950’s rather than the somewhat inscrutable esoteric designs usually found on cards of that type.  For example, the card for the Tower was a towering Jello mold and the one for the Chariot was a station wagon.  The cards themselves don’t have any “power”—they just serve as a vehicle to jump start the psychic process.  You put the question at hand out there and, kind of like using a search engine similar to Google, the answers come to you.  At least that’s how it worked for me.

I did approximately 100 readings before I took my clairvoyant shingle down.  I enjoyed doing them and liked helping people figure out in what direction their lives were headed.  My readings weren’t about a future that was set in stone.  Rather, they were more like little “snap-shots” of what was going in the client’s life and what the possibilities were for the future so they could make some informed decisions. 

My “fee” for each reading was less than five dollars, and sometimes even as little as ninety-nine cents.  (Such a deal!)  I had several repeat clients, and therein lies the rub.  After the initial reading (where I quite often was being tested for veracity) they would come back and want more information and advice; usually love-life questions—although there was one client who came back numerous times to determine which house she and her husband should rent.  I came to the realization that some of these folks were becoming a bit too dependent on me. 

Furthermore, they weren’t listening to the advice that was coming to me from the cards.  One gal was in a lose/lose relationship with an older guy who had a child from his former marriage.  Every reading said that this was going nowhere and she was going to get hurt, but mainly it was her pride and arrogance that stood in the way.  She wouldn’t believe it and kept coming back to find out when he was going to marry her. 

I finally realized that I didn’t have enough detachment from these situations and was allowing myself to become frustrated by the clients’ apparent inattention to what was right under their noses.  Being a reader requires having some emotional distance from the client, kind of like a psychologist.  I shouldn’t have let it bother me whether they accepted the cards’ advice or not, since life is about free will.  The choice was theirs to make.

But it drained the foo out of me.   So I quit.

Maybe I’ll get back into it again sometime, but I doubt that it’ll be any time soon.   Although, I did see a nice refurbished crystal ball on eBay…..

When you visit New York’s famed Comic Strip Live!, one of the first things that you will notice is our vast collection of headshots collected from our alumni throughout the years. In this new feature, we will profile some of the hilarious comics that you can find on our famous walls.

Today we feature: Mike p. Burton

Since starting his stand-up comedy career in 1996, Mike p. Burton’s entertaining, intelligent and electric act has found its on way on stage at comedy clubs all across Manhattan and is an in-demand college attraction. A North Carolina native, Burton spent his youth listening to the stand-up comedy of Steven Wright, George Carlin & Eddie Murphy and after years of working odd jobs in the theater business decided to give his dream of stand-up comedy a shot. Since then he has quickly climbed the comedy ladder opening for internationally known talents Dave Chappelle, Emo Phillips & Jim Breuer. His high-energy, yet personable style makes him one of the best liked comics

Outside of comedy, Mike enjoys spending time with his family.

To see Mike’s hilarious comedy live and in person, check out his upcoming appearances on his calender.

http://alphainventions.com                           http://condron.us

The Late, Grammy-winning singer Miriam Makeba

great recent tweets…
~BK77: “90 & sunny in LA. why dont i live there? besides the gang violence, smog, crippled economy, crumbling state govt, & bad traffic, i mean.”
~runnerforchrist:”It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were on good terms one would not part.”-Marcel Proust   
          ———-
big music…
(all credit goes to billboard.com via myway.com-and of course, this great site www.thisdayinmusic.com, who can also be followed on Twitter with same name)
~1945, Born on this day, Rick Wright, keyboards, vocals, Pink Floyd, (1973 US No.1 & UK No.2 album ‘Dark Side Of The Moon’, spent a record breaking 741 weeks on the US chart. 1979 UK and US No.1 single ‘Another Brick In The Wall, (part 2)’. Pink Floyd have sold over 200 million albums worldwide). Wright died on 15th Sept 2008 aged 65 from cancer. Wright appeared on the group’s first album, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn, in 1967 alongside Syd Barrett, Roger Waters and Nick Mason.
Billboard ranks the group’s 1973 album “Dark Side of the Moon” as the longest-charting album of all time. It stays on the magazine’s pop album chart for more than 10 years and sells more than 10 million copies.
          ———–
forwards…we get FWD’s…
(thanks to mannmade)
*Ways to Show You’re a Grown-Up*
~Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
~You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
~You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
~Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
~Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
~Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. 
          ———-
in case you give a rat’s rear end…
*Fads of the 50’s*
Colored streamers for bicycle handlebars
baseball cards in your bike’s wheel spokes (to make a fwap-fwap sound)
TV Dinners
Drive-in theaters
Panty Raids
Letter Sweaters  
Jukeboxes
Fins and chrome on cars
Abstract expressionism
Diners
Teenyboppers
DA Haircut    
Blue suede loafers
Bunny hop
Sock Hops
          ———-
more events for this date…
~1944 Blues guitarist Mike Bloomfield is born in Chicago; member of the Paul Butterfield band and Electric Flag. Played on Dylan’s album ‘Highway 61 Revisited.’  He dies on Feb. 15, 1981, in San Francisco of an accidental drug overdose.   
~1933 1st singing telegram delivered (to Rudy Vallee, on his 32nd birthday), NYC
~1977 1st oil flow through the Alaska pipeline
~1991 Buffalo Bills beat Phila Eagles, 17-13 in American Bowl in Wembley
          ———-
random-ness…
~Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
~”What’s another word for Thesaurus?”-Steven Wright
~”An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.”-Dan Rather
          ———-
and finally…your really big music note on this date…
*1973 A crowd of 600,000 gathers for a rock festival at Watkins Glen* Raceway, N.Y., to hear the Grateful Dead, the Band and the Allman Brothers Band.
 Over 600,000 rock fans attended. Many historians claimed the event was the largest gathering of people in the history of the United States. 150,000 tickets were sold for $10 each, but for all the other people it was a free concert.
(No, that’s not my ticket, but I was there. As the rain slowed-down, we wandered back to the concert site, catching the last of the Band’s set, and getting really close to the stage for the Allman Brothers Band. My biggest and best memory of Watkins Glen was being enthralled with the Allman Bros’ set! It didn’t matter that I had to stand (and sometimes crouch or sit) in the mud for a few hours-they were incredible!  And upon going back to a regular life, remember every week I would buy one of their LP’s…and yeah…they were just as awesome on vinyl as they were ‘live’.
Have some links here, in case you wanted to check out the story of the concert and some photos…Thanks to “Glen” and “Sabre_Fan” and “Mark Spaulding” for posting some great stuff!)
~http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summer_Jam_at_Watkins_Glen
~http://www.glenphotos.com/summerjam/
~http://www.chronos-historical.org/rockfest/articles/WG1.html
          ———-

Going to wrap it up here with another memory…of Gary having this LP amongst his vast album collection…Caoi for now…

July’s tweetup was our biggest one yet. We want to say thank you to all 96 of you who attended, those watching from the office / home and those who were unable to attend but were there in spirit.

If you missed any of it we have a recap for you. Hope to see you at the next one!

Speakers

1. Deborah Martin: the director of public relations for San Antonio College shared how Twitter and Facebook have helped her connect recent graduates with the college’s career services office, find information about an event before attending and booking potential speakers for the upcoming National Council of Marketing and Public Relations.

2. Nora Frost: the owner of Dos Culturas (Spanish for “two cultures”), a business specializing in public relations and marketing para todos (“for everybody”) shared how she uses Twitter to promote The Cleto Show, San Antonio’s first sitcom.

3. Travis Poling: the man behind Beer Across Texas shared how fellow Twitterers, @lalorek and @paul_berry, convinced him to give Twitter a try and how he has been hooked ever since. Travis now uses the social network to promote his business, stay up to date with what breweries are up to making sure things don’t go flat.

4. Ryan Kelly: the founder, owner and chief analyst of Pear Analytics shared how he uses Twitter and LinkedIn groups and polls in his business. Ryan talked about a new study Pear Analytics is conducting to gauge how people and businesses are using social media. His theory? Self-promotion will stand out among all other uses. Ryan also mentioned philtro.com as a tool to filter your Twitter stream and cut down the noise.

5. Colleen Pence: the owner of Social Media Mentoring shared how she has helped Brasserie Pavil, a local French bistro, jump on Twitter and use it to take reservations, respond to praise, questions and concerns, promote services and menu specials and more.

Open mic guests

Luis Sandoval Jr.: Talked about the importance of branching out, exploring and using other social media networks to reach target markets.

Kim Fisher: shared the ways in which Twitter has made a difference in her work as a reporter for News 4 WOAI. Kim uses Twitter to reach viewers and get story ideas from the public, businesses and public relations professionals.

Barbara Permilla Roth: shared how she will use her blog to document her journey into Israel – Aliyah, which in Hebrew means to go up, ascent.

Kevin Joyce:  talked about the crazy, cool thing that is Twitter and how Imagine Fellowship has used it to build a upportive, helpful and participative community.

Tips and Tools

Andi Narvaez and Nan Palmero put together a quick presentation (below) with useful social media tips and tools and Matt Scherer spoke about URL shorteners

SAMPRB Announcement

Unfortunately, SAMPRB is no more. Fortunately, that’s only because we rearranged the letters and renamed ourselves BMPR (pronounced “bumper”) – we think the new name is a little easier to roll off the tongue and will help us as we reach new horizons. What else is new you ask? See for yourself…

Livestreaming

Once again, @wmcaldera (Billy Caldera) provided us with high-quality livestreaming goodness. Be sure to watch the entire tweetup on demand.

Flashcard Wench and BMPR Hostess

Donna Tuttle helped us transition between speakers with a bit of humor, courtesy of Steven Wright.

Official Greeter

Thanks to one of our new BMPR’ers, Jessica Young, we have a list of attendees for you to start following and connecting with. Use at your leisure!

NOTE: This list will be updated as our community grows. We will soon have the capability to give you the opportunity to add yourself to the list… stay tuned.

Andi Narvaez is a public relations and social media coordinator for KGBTexas Public Relations / Advertising in San Antonio, Texas. She is one of the three founders of the San Antonio Media/PR/Business Tweetup and also a co-organizer of TweetCamp San Antonio. She writes a blog on the integration of public relations, social media, marketing and our changing society. Andi will soon depart for Maryland to earn her Master’s degree in Public Relations at University of Maryland. She is originally from Quito, Ecuador but is proud to have called San Antonio her home for the past five years.

This ATC was inspired by a Steven Wright one liner.

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”

— Steven Wright

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

                                                                     – Comedian Steven Wright

Don’t you just love this?!  I sure do!

Infelizmente o Velho Deitado não compareceu,dizem as más linguas que ele estava no voo 477 e no momento está fazendo as novas gravações de Lost…

Enfim para substituir sua ilustre presença de forma equilibrada, trago para vocês uma seleção de frases de dois gênios da irônia: Woody Allen e Steven Wright…

Woody Allen:

“O homem explora o homem e por vezes é o contrário.”

“Por quê nossos dias são numerados e não, digamos, letrados?”

“E se tudo for uma ilusão e nada existe? Nesse caso, definitivamente eu paguei caro demais pelo meu carpete.”

“Não é só Deus que não existe, tente chamar o bombeiro nos finais de semana.”

“Meu único arrependimento da vida é o de não ser outra pessoa.”

“Na maior parte do tempo eu não me divirto muito. O resto do tempo eu não me divirto nada.”

“O dinheiro é melhor do que a pobreza, ainda que apenas por razões financeiras.”

“Certa vez tomei a atitude política mais firme de minha vida: passei 24 horas sem comer uvas.”

“Minha mulher e eu ficamos na dúvida de tirar férias ou nos divorciarmos. Optamos pela segunda hipótese. Duas semanas no Caribe podem ser divertidas, mas um divórcio dura para sempre.”

“E se nada existe e estivermos todos no sonho de alguém? Ou o que é pior, e se somente aquele cara gordo na terceira fileira existe?”

“Você pode viver cem anos se desistir de todas as coisas que o fazem querer viver até os cem anos.”

“O interessante é que, de acordo com os astrônomos modernos, o espaço é limitado. Esta conclusão é muito reconfortante, principalmente para as pessoas que nunca lembram onde deixaram suas coisas.”

Steven Wright:

“Há um limite estreito entre pescar e ficar na margem como um idiota.”

“24 horas num dia, 24 cervejas numa caixa. Coincidência?”

“Estive pensando em como minha vida seria diferente se eu tivesse nascido um dia antes. Concluí que pouca coisa mudaria, a não ser o fato de que eu teria feito essa mesma pergunta ontem.”

“Exatamente agora estou tendo amnésia e déjà vu ao mesmo tempo. Tenho a impressão de que já esqueci deste momento alguma vez.”

“Cérebro é um órgão fantástico. Começa a funcionar assim que você acorda e não pára até que você comece a trabalhar.”

“Todos aqueles que acreditam em psicocinese levantem minha mão!”

“Posso levitar pássaros, mas ninguém liga pra isso”

“Se a Barbie é tão popular, por que você tem que comprar seus amigos?”

“O que acontece se você fica meio morto de medo duas vezes ?”

“Quanto mais cedo você fica para trás, mais tempo você tem para
alcançar.”

My daughter and one of her friends are totally hooked on Jim Gaffigan’s Comedy Central specials, and hearing them re-create quotes and bits about Hot Pockets and bears and bacon reminded me of when my friends and I used to do the same thing with Bill Cosby and Steven Wright. I wrote about it over at GeekDad – why not go read it?

You and Craig Ferguson became a YouTube hit with your “Late Late Show” opening bit last month where you were pushing Brittany Murphy on a swing. Oh, oh, yeah, that was just (chuckles) Craig thought of that. For some reason he thought if I pushed her on that swing, it (would be) funny.

Did you bring her along for the bit or? No, she just happened to be the guest anyway. When I go on Ferguson, we don’t have any notes or anything – it’s just off the top of our heads, which is a whole new experience for me. He’s really fast, he’s a smart, fast guy, and so if there’s a lull in the thing he makes it funny. I love doing it. It’s very exciting.

Full Interview: News Day.